Tough Enough III Recap: Catch-Up Edition (Part 1)

[Guest TSMAdmin]

Hey, I’m back, and it’s time to play a little catch-up. Thanks to everyone who read my debut here at TSM, I got some great feedback. Patrick Spoon (who will be with me for the final episode recap) left off at week 7 when his computer, probably because it was sick of his Jonah fanboyism, gave up on him. Instead of cluttering up the main page with individual articles for each week, this is a collection of five (just count em’, 5!) episodes Patrick didn’t get to (Week 3 and Weeks 8-11), split into two parts to make your digestion easier. 3 and 8 are today and 9-11 will be up tomorrow (Wednesday).

 

<b><u>I Get E-mail! I Get Stacks and Stacks of E-Mail!</b></u>

 

If you remember last week, I wondered where the term “cavalcade” came from. Well, <b>Ryan McCormick Price</b> stepped up and gave me an explanation:

 

<i>As someone who is as dedicated to the intricacies of the Mother Tongue as he is to the intricacies of the dragon suplex, allow me to say simply that "cavalcade" used to mean "ride on horseback", coming as it does from the French "cheval", of course, and more particularly from the Italian "cavalcata", to "walk on the horse". It was later applied to a procession of riders or carriages, as in a military parade, and later any sort of procession, following the pattern of degradation that defines the English language.

 

Much as the pattern of degradation defines Triple H's career arc.</i>

 

Thanks Ryan. Remember, you too can get YOUR e-mail seen by hundreds of thousands of people just by shooting me a line <a href="mailto:[email protected]">here</a>. I'll answer some e-mail in whatever the hell I’m going to do after TE is over.

 

<B><u>Wait, There’s Only ONE GAME LEFT?! I Need a Hug</b></u>

 

Gee, I sure know how to pick ‘em, don’t I? I went 0-2 <a href="http://thesmartmarks.com/artman/publish/article_642.shtml">in my picks</a>, since I overestimated the Titans and thought the Eagles offense was actually going to show up. So Superbowl XXXVII is the Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. the Oakland Raiders. The #1 defense vs. the #1 offense. Should be a good game, but if Sapp wins a ring, he should promise to SHUT THE HELL UP! I’ll give my pick near the end of the week.

 

Ok, that’s enough of that; this thing will be long enough as it is. Let’s start things off WAAAAAAY back in Week 3.

 

<a href="http://thesmartmarks.com/artman/publish/article_431.shtml">Click here for the Casting Special recap</a>

<a href="http://thesmartmarks.com/artman/publish/article_445.shtml">Click here for Week 2 recap</a>

 

<b><u>TE III – Week 3</b></u>

 

<b>Previously on Tough Enough</b>: The 13 finalists move into their brand new home as they find out what it’s like to live with a guy like <b>Scott</b>. </b>Jill</b> finds out about Jonah’s secret girlfriend and quits, with Big tearing her a new one.

 

We start things off with Lisa, who has nothing but good things to say about her situation. She thinks her roommates are great, the house is great, and the trainers are wonderful. That would all change by the end of this half hour. Justin, Jamie and John relax out on the patio, but Scott takes offense to their theft of the chairs, using the dreaded “F” word (fags) again, which Jamie doesn’t like. She doesn’t really get along with Scott, who keeps on asking her really dumb questions (“Are you on the pill?” and “Have you ever used a female condom?”). Scott thinks the animosity comes from the fact that he walked in on her as she was going into the shower. As a result, he was moved in upstairs with Jonah and Eric. Jonah says Scott’s the weirdest kid he’s ever known, and won’t help him hang his clothes in the HUGE master closet (about the size of the master bedroom, actually). Eric tells Jonah to “be a pal and help him”, but no dice. Scott thinks the guys see him as a person to pick on, but he feels he can be serious and still have fun.

 

The next morning at Trax, Al talks to the cast about the business while they stretch. Particularly, of the friendly wagers that often take place. He says that once you accept a bet, you can’t go back on it. Jonah and Matt decide to make a bet on who can finish their run around the building first. If Matt wins, Jonah has to do an impersonation of Bill. If Jonah wins, Matt shaves his head. Bill tells Jonah “you’d better win this bet”, which makes him kind of nervous. They head outside, and Jonah takes off like a rocket with Matt staying close, but conserving his energy. Bill: “He’s gonna burn himself out, do his impression of me, then I’m gonna sit on his face.” Bill rules. Jonah has the lead after the first lap, wearing a <b>big</b> smile. Matt is close behind, wearing an even <b>bigger</b> smile. Sure enough, Matt passes him soon after and wins. Back inside, Jonah seems scared to death as Bill tries to intimidate him a little more. Eric talks about some of Bill’s mannerisms (stroking his goatee, bouncing on the bottom turnbuckle, and roughing up someone when he screws up). Jonah launches into a <b>dead-on</b> Bill DeMott (complete with doorag) as Bill stares at him (probably trying not to lose it). Bill shakes his hand afterwards (proclaiming it “funny shit”), saving Jonah from a stroke. “Just don’t do it again”, he says.

 

Back to the training, and Matt thinks things are starting to flow, like they’re really wrestling now. Al thinks the cast this year is getting the hang of it, especially Scott, who has grown (in many ways) in the last two weeks. Scott does a nice escape out of a headscissors, which Ivory applauds him for. He also makes Al laugh. Scott loves what he’s doing, and thinks it’s a great learning experience. Now Lisa comes into the ring. Al says she’s athletic, but when she can’t do something, she shuts it down. Lisa takes a few bumps right on her ass (that can’t feel good) and screws up during a headlock, so Bill and Al reprimand her. She calls today “a bad day” and Al says if she can’t keep up, she won’t stay in the competition.

 

<b>- Commercials –</b> Simon may be the only thing good about American Idol. “If you lived 2000 years ago, they would have stoned you.”

 

Back at Trax, Al notes that the basics are the key to separating the kids from “everyone else”, so they get into simple things, like headlocks, headscissors, lockups, etc. Jamie notes that the moves they are learning branch off each other and Chad sees a bit more interactivity in the training. Lisa starts to laugh after every mistake she makes, which doesn’t make anyone happy since she was slowing everyone else down. Because of her lack of intensity, the whole crew has to run, and Lisa doesn’t apologize for anything. Back at the house, everyone is tired, but decides to go out and relax since it's the end of the week. Jonah doesn’t think Lisa will join them, since she hasn’t talked to a single person since they got back. Justin decides to talk to her, but she turns into Superbitch, saying she doesn’t want to go out, and when Justin says “if you don’t go, none of us will” she says “that’s not my problem”, which stuns Justin. The camera zooms in on Lisa as <i>Psycho</I>-esque music plays. Justin rightfully decides to let the bitch stay home and everyone else gets groomed and heads out. While they tank up, Jonah and Eric decide to make a bet with Scott that he can’t get one legitimate phone number from a girl. The loser(s) would have to wear a bra and underwear set when they go to the beach the next day. Scott accepts. Back at the house, Lisa sits alone, as she says it will be hard to deal with the physical and mental pressure that this competition has. We see her sitting in the phone room, listening to the phone ring, but nobody answer. She looks like a junkie from one of those anti-drug PSA ads.

 

The others arrive at the Saddle Ranch and within 10 minutes, Scott gets a number, which shocks Jonah and Eric. Back at the house, they try to get out of the bet, but Scott (having actually gotten TWO numbers) remains steadfast. They try intimidation (“if you make us go through this, we will torture you”) and try the old “we’ll get you when you’re sleeping” bit. Kelly goes into Lisa’s room and finds the bed empty. Everyone looks for her, but she’s nowhere to be found. Kelly had a feeling that something was wrong. Now, I don’t remember all the details, but I remember hearing that she climbed up on the roof of the house and Al and Big (along with the police) had to talk her down. If someone has the story, please send it along.

 

<b>- Commercials –</b>

 

The next morning, Chad, Matt and Kelly talk about Lisa and Matt thinks she just couldn’t take the pressure anymore. Eric and Jonah try one last time to persuade Scott to drop the bet, but it doesn’t work. Big shows up two hours early to tell everyone that Lisa simply told him that she quit, but the look on his face says something more serious happened. Matt really doesn’t understand why Lisa quit, and Jamie is sad to see her go, but Kelly doesn’t really mind, since now she can take her spot and there’s one less person to worry about.

 

Enough of the psycho, it's time for a FASHION SHOW! Bill introduces us to “Erica” (wearing a suit that he calls “a full-figured old lady swimsuit” with a leopard print bikini over it.) and Joanie (wearing a blue two piece covered with pink flowers.) “Joanie”: “I look good in pink.” The cast frolics on the beach for a while, burying Scott in the sand. They play some volleyball, and Scott lands hard on his hand, hurting his thumb. Scott really didn’t want anyone to know about it since they might see him as a complainer. Big takes a look at it and sends him to the hospital. The doctor tells him he has a torn ligament and his thumb must be immobilized for 6-8 weeks. The doc says he can’t do any falling or being hit until is heals. He gets a cast on it as we fade to black.

 

<b><u>Thoughts:</b></u> It’s too bad they didn’t show what happened to Lisa, but good episode nonetheless.

 

<a href="http://thesmartmarks.com/artman/publish/article_478.shtml>Click here for Week 4 recap</a>

<a href="http://thesmartmarks.com/artman/publish/article_494.shtml">Click here for Week 5 recap</a>

<a href="http://thesmartmarks.com/artman/publish/article_511.shtml">Click here for Week 6 recap</a>

<a href="http://thesmartmarks.com/artman/publish/article_544.shtml">Click here for Week 7 Recap</a>

 

Next up.....

 

<b><u>Week 8</b></u>

 

<b>Previously on TE</b>: Jonah goes to the doctor, and then plays the BEST PRANK EVER on the cast. It’s revealed they are going to Iceland, but Scott doesn’t make the cut.

 

The cast talk about last week’s cut. Scott had left messages for everyone saying “we may have not been friends, but I respect you.” Matt thought Kelly would be the one to go, but that proves anyone is game to be eliminated. We head into Trax for another day of training. Jonah: “The competition is heating up since anyone can be cut at this point.” Al points out that the end is still miles away and that you are only as good as the last time you were in the ring. We get a training montage, mostly hiptosses, shoulderblocks and bodyslams. Every time Kelly gets slammed she has this blank expression on her face, like “ok back, you can stop killing me now.” Justin points out that Kelly has toughed it out a bad back for the past few weeks, but has also fallen a bit behind the others. Jamie wonders if Kelly complains about her back so much now, how is she going to deal with it as a WWE superstar.

 

Back at the house, Jonah talks to his father on the phone and says he’s having a blast. Jonah gloats about his rib, but Eric comes up with a way to get him back by putting a laxative in his drink. That’s a pretty un-creative prank if you ask me. Must have watched <i>Dumb and Dumber</i> the night before. That night, Jonah checks his bed for any sign of the guys trying to get revenge. He’s really worried that something is coming soon, which Eric enjoys seeing. The next morning, Kelly stretches her back out before they head to Trax. Big notes that her performance is suffering because of it.

 

At Trax, they learn how to be tossed out of the ring (with Kelly hitting her back on the apron) and generally get beaten up by Al and Bill. Kelly is really hurting so she goes back with the trainer. Big says that she’s going to have to get over this, or she won’t be here much longer.

 

<b>- Commercials –</b>

 

The trainer works on Kelly’s back as she sniffles away. Al says she still might come around if she keeps at it. Ivory says Kelly will have to learn to adapt to working with the pain. Eric poured half the bottle of laxative into one of Jonah’s drinks, the one that he grabs at lunchtime. Jonah contently downs the thing, and then starts to get sweaty as they start training again. Eric and Matt try to stifle their laughter, as do the trainers (who were told beforehand, I guess). Jonah starts looking and shifting around. It gets worse as he goes into the ring to take bumps, since there’s pressure on his tummy. He finally asks Bill if he can go to the bathroom (Bill yells at him, naturally, saying “Well get the fuck outta here and just go.”) Jonah makes a beeline to the men’s room and lets it go. <b>WARNING: Information that you probably don’t want to hear (especially if you are eating)!!!!</b> I had a touch of diarrhea the other night, so I know how he feels. <b>End information</b>. Jonah lets it go, but sees that there’s no toilet paper. Everyone quietly loses it. Bill comes around to find out what the problem is. He yells at Jonah some more (“How about I come in and wipe your ass for you!?”) Al finds a roll of TP, but takes off all but 3 or 4 sheets. Jonah wipes up, and finds out what happened. He commends them on the rib (it wasn’t that great until the toilet paper gag).

 

The kids get a whole bunch of free stuff for their trip (what, they don’t have any clothes of their own?) They make sure to say the brand names, of course. Everyone is excited about going to Iceland. Kelly vows to come back and finish up the last 3 weeks. Eric says the nightlife there is “off the wall”, so he’s looking forward to that. They jump on the plane and, through the magic of television, are in Iceland seconds later. It actually looks like a pretty nice country, mountainous, with pretty waterfalls and hot springs, but since it’s near the Artic Circle, it ain’t Honduras or any other place the cast of the last two seasons went. They check into the hotel and head to <i>siggi</i>Hall, one of the top 50 restaurants in the world, according to Big. Jonah says dinner was incredible, but they had to drink a Viking schnapps called “Black Death” to cap off the meal (kinda strange naming a drink after a disease that killed 1/5th of Europe, but those Vikings were always a little odd). After dinner they head out for some clubbin’. Eric picks up some Icelandic chick and makes out with her on the dance floor. Jamie thinks the whole situation was “scummy” and says she would keep her little sister (if she had one) as far away from Eric as possible. Eric decides to bring her back (we never get her name) to the hotel, which he says was “not one of my brightest moments”. Hey, it’s not like her family is going to see you and her make out on T……..ooh, sorry.

 

<b>- Commercials –</b> Geez, it’s been the same four commercials through this entire marathon.

 

The next morning, Eric realizes his mistake and decides to hide out in Justin’s room until Iceland Girl leaves. Eric tries to bribe Justin into getting her out, and she tries to grab Eric’s passport. She grabs a pair of underwear instead and leaves. Big meets the gang at breakfast and announces a cut will take place at the end of that day. Big says the cuts aren’t planned in advance, but seems to insinuate Eric’s conduct may have been involved in the decision. Everyone is worried about it.

 

Like last season, they train while in Iceland, in the middle of a field, in what looks like a boxing ring (that doesn’t have much give it looks like). Kelly has problems picking Justin and Jamie up, so that’s another strike against her. Eric once again expresses his regret for the previous night, and Kelly just doesn’t want to leave. Everyone stands up for the cut, and Al goes right to Kelly, telling her she’s gone. She says her goodbyes and cries (what a surprise). She says this is just the beginning and she won’t quit. Al tells the rest that 4 of them will be where Kelly is now. She apparently has to walk back to the States as we fade to black.

 

<b><u>Thoughts:</b></u> Another good episode that starts the final stretch of the competition now that the weaker ones are gone.

 

Come back tomorrow for part 2 of my journey and see Jonah screw up again...and again...and again...and again.

 

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