Backlash 2000 review

[Guest commish13]

well, i decided a while back to write a review of backlash for a website, yet it was never posted. people over at IGN enjoyed it, but i wanted to know what the pros think.

 

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“Retro Review” for WWF Backlash 2000

MCI Center in Washington, DC

4/30/00

 

Well, out of boredom and lack of motivation to do homework that I could easily be doing right here, in Microsoft Word (as Bill Gates pops out of his chair and cheers), I’ve decided that I might as well review Backlash. Note that I started watching it late last night and finished it around 5 hours before the writing of this, so I may have a couple things out of order. Just don’t shoot the messenger (at least not with a crossbow).

 

Now I guess it’s time to get into the show. Your announcers for this evening, as always, are JR and Jerry “The Horniest King in ALL the Land” Lawler”, the play-by-play and color commentators respectively. Debra enters to start the show, and Lillian tells us that she will be the guest ring announcer for the first match up (for what reason, I’m still pondering, other than for the obvious being that since Stone Cold is around, she has to take part in something). I’m not even going to get into her not-so-enthusiastic job, but she gets a thumbs up since it was good to see her back.

 

-Tag Team Championship

Road Dogg & X-Pac w/ Tori vs. Edge & Christian©

 

Wow. X-Pac can’t even get a chance to give the fans something to hate him for tonight, but as soon as the bell rings, we hear the obligatory “X-Pac Sucks” chant. Pac starts in the ring with Edge, and one half of the tag champs gets the upper hand early. X-Pac is knocked out of the ring by a spinning wheel kick, which gives him the chance to recoup and grab some more heat from the fans that he didn’t even have to make any effort to get. He goes back in, and the ref is distracted by Xian as they argue about a missed tag. Double team by DX followed by a Bronco Buster on the Edgester. Christian is in there getting punked out by Roadie, but off the top with a diving headbutt is his brother for the save. JR confirms my initial thoughts of Edge mistaking himself for Chris Benoit, which is almost eerie, but then again, at 1:30 AM, so is that cheese sandwich you’ve been saving under the bed. Back to the action, Edge gets a spear on Road Dogg, but is attacked by Tori as he sets up X-Pac, who in turn knocks his leading lady off the apron. Back inside, the oh so green heel heat machine surprises Edge with his X-Factor, but the ref is outside. Christian nails X-Pac hard with the ring bell, which gets him the 1 2 3 and the duo’s first successful title defense on PPV. Match lasted 9:23 without the sounding of the bell to signify its end. ***1/2. Fast paced entertainment with solid action for the greater part of the contest.

 

-Light Heavyweight Championship

Scotty Too Hotty vs. Dean Malenko©

 

In the night’s second of six title matches, newly crowned champion (thanks to the middle rope) Deano Machino takes on the man with the most celebrated worm in WWF history. Much like the tag match prior to this, the match starts off speedy and exciting. A couple of counters here and there and an arm drag put the champeen into control early. Malenko dominates the first couple minutes of the match with various submissions, working on Scotty’s left knee. From the outside, Dean trips his foe underneath the bottom rope, and wraps the same knee around the ring post twice (rather hard and in a very heelish manner. After a small comeback from the pointy-haired one, the more aggressive Malenko catches him on a Worm setting up bulldog with a clothesline that nearly decapitates Scotty clean. Over to the corner where the challenger’s leg is hung over the middle rope and worked on some more. King goes out of his way to state that Malenko doesn’t go all over from head to legs to elbow and so on, but that he just stays working on one body part. I congratulate captain obvious with the award for filling in the 3% of us (a little generous, perhaps) that hadn’t already picked this up. They leave the ring, and Scotty finally mounts some more offense and comes back to get a superplex from Dean that has effect on both participants. This time the Worm is successful, but only for a two-count. Malenko hits a double underhook sit-down powerbomb (or Lygerbomb, I believe) for two. Now on the top rope Scotty wants to match the champ’s earlier superplex, just to be reversed in mid-air into the most intriguing DDT I’ve ever witnessed. Malenko retains at 12:58 in a ****1/4 match. Beautiful.

 

Bull Buchanan & Big Bossman vs. APA

 

After reading Scott Keith’s review, then watching this match, I don’t understand why it only got a single star. Bradshaw and Bull (real name Barry; thanks, JR) start off impressively. A short exchange of punches leads to Barry flipping over the big Texan’s back and landing on his feet followed by a swinging neckbreaker and a tag to Faarooq. Ross is taken aback by the ringwork of Bull and the hoss, which was more wrestling-oriented than he originally expected. Ron Simmons (it’s JR’s real name fiesta for a limited time only! ) owns Bossman for a short time, but quickly becomes his partner’s woman friend. After a tag, Bradshaw is back in to take a superplex, and soon after seemingly has the match won with a Clothesline from ####, but Bossman (where’s he been all match?) makes the save with his trusty nighttime discipline instrument. He feeds his fellow night watchman the former football All-American (JR is a beacon of knowledge tonight) for a top rope scissors kick and the victory for the pinfall at 7:41. I give this one **, no matter what anyone says. I enjoyed it, and it had a good ending.

 

After a bad night’s sleep and an above par day at school considering the classes I had today, I’m back 24 hours after finishing the PPV to finish off this astonishingly awesome review (you know it).

 

-Hardcore Championship

Tazz vs. Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Perry Saturn vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Crash©

 

I went into this one expecting a lot, and I can tell you honestly that it delivered. The bell rings and Crash is already getting a hammerlock overhead suplex (or something like that) from Saturn. Everyone takes a turn at covering the feisty champ and kicking someone else off to go for it for themselves. Eventually little Elroy gets scared and flees the scene— with the other 5 men on his tail. Matt follows the HC Champ up a part of the “Backlash superstructure”, and JR identified it as a few times. Crash is fought on the swinging hook, and is eventually pulled down softly by the other 4 who, instead of fighting, were just watching as Crash lowered himself down. Ahhhh! Where did that flying sonuvabitch come from? Matt jumps from “20 feet” in the air, which means he was about 10 to I’ll go with MAYBE 13 feet up there. Hardcore sends Crash through one of the hooks off camera, while Jeff hits a spinning head scissors on Saturn. Back in the ring, street signs and aluminum cookie sheets are brought in to play, and the Hardyz bring in a ladder for the loudest pop for an inanimate object so far tonight. They take everyone out with it, and Jeff sets up the ladder. Matt hits Crash with the ToF, followed by a Swanton by Jeffery from the top of the most popular non-living object in ALL (and I mean all) the land. The two bros squabble over who gets the pin, allowing the Human Opportunity-Taking Machine to hook in the Kazihatjime on the youngest of the Jetsons. Commando Perry breaks that up, and an unheard of freak earthquake throws everyone out of the ring but the champ and the smallest smurf from Brooklyn in the ring. Crash throws an arm over the out on his back Tazz for the 3rd straight successful title defense of the evening at 12:19. As Cole would say: “You go, girlfriend!” ***3/4.

 

Last note: I wrote the second half of the Hardcore title match and from here on 2 days after I started that match. Hey, work is a time taker-upper…

 

Kurt Angle vs. The Big Show

 

After re-living how this match came about, including all of Show’s crazy antics leading up to the event, we see a new persona for big bad Paul to take on. That’s right, The Showster! Big MOM for me, not to mention he played the part perfect and was hilarious. Match starts, and after two or three punches thrown by our Olympic Hero, he’s already hulking up. He goes for a chokeslam, but Angle goes for the knee. He works on that for a short bit before the tide turns and show hits the big boot, and then the Stinky Leg Drop of Doom and World Disaster! It’s over! But Angle kicks out, oh my god; he must be related to the Warrior. This angers the big man, and prompts him to rip off the wig and bald top. “Hogan” chant brings him up after more knee workage, and he finally hits the Showstopper and ends the hilarity at 2:36. *, with **** for entertainment and sheer amusement.

 

T & A w/ Trish vs. Dudley Boyz

 

Bubba, infatuated with Trish, chases the “little bitch” as he would later call her around the ring as D-Von and the Hip-Hop Hippo tassel inside. Buh Buh/Bubba gets creamed by Test(es) for the heroic save as he comes around the corner. Later on, the Dudz get the 317654322910243rd false tag of the night, and JR yells for conspiracy. More heel double-teaming comes of the horrid job done by the referee (I guess none of them slept at a Holiday Inn Express the night before). Bubba and D-Von hit the “3D” for dos. JR doesn’t seem to know what he’s seeing, as he frequently calls it a neckbreaker when the APA does it. No matter. Real 3D is countered as Bubba sees D-Von backstage in a mind-bubble telling him not to worry about Trish, who pushes D-Von out of the bubble and shakes her moneymaker, which prompts B-Ray to think, “#### sexy Stratus”. Test nails the big boot, popping all corns in the process to pick up the 1-2-3. 11: 08 finish to a **1/4 match. The Boyz hit the real 3D after the match, which leaves Trish ripe for the picking. It’s huge pop time #2 for an inanimate object of the night, this time for the table. Bubba finally takes out Trish and goes orgasmic on us.

 

-European Championship

Essa Rios w/Lita vs. Eddie Guerrero© w/Chyna

 

The Dudleyz’ music hasn’t even stopped yet as we see a referee in the back running over to a low riding Chevy that Eddie and Chyna just arrived from their prom in. The ref informs Latino Heat that he’s late for his match, and that he must go to the ring immediately, so he can’t change into his ring gear. The camera goes to the entranceway as we see the car drive through some curtains to stage left (our right), and Eddie opens the back to get his elbow pads on and his shirt (keeping the bowtie) off. Now for the match, as we start off with some quick reversals and arm drags and the like. Essa gains the advantage, but screws up on the rope bounce arm drag spot. But mommy, I wanted to see him flipping and spinning! Now back to the action, which is on the outskirts of the ring. After jumping over the top with a plancha to Papi, Heat throws him into the steps, and back into the ring. One of my favorite Guerrero moves follows, that being the slingshot bodysplash over the top and back into the ring. The man in the black bowtie controls, hitting a tame brainbuster. Essa attacks and makes a comeback, getting the better of the champ with a monkey flip, with Eddie taking it on his very upper back, nearly right on the top of his head. You may remember the move done to him some time later, full with him nearly landing on his head and his legs all the way to the ropes like here, pulling his hammy pretty bad. Just thought I would use that reference. Eddie takes Essa outside, and Chyna goes after him with her trademark “worst forearm in the business”, and her man goes for the powerbomb. Lita (who has to interfere whenever she’s around), goes to the top, but luckily, someone is finally able to stop her, as Chyna pushes her off, and the red-haired sidekick lands face-first on the Spanish table. Essa still gets away, and goes to the apron, and hits an asai moonsault from the second rope and lands on Eddie and the American announce table. But wait, there’s even MORE crazy stunts ahead. They fight in the ring some more, which ends in our champeen of Europe back on the outside one more time. Hey, where’s Mister Chulo going? Holy schnikies! Over the corner rope flip, or tope, as they call it, kills Eddie. Final reversal finish coming up, as Guerrero hits a superplex, but Rios runs up the turnbuckle and nails the armdrag to stop the frog splash. Eddie uses the knees to counter the beautiful moonsault attempt, and pins the challenger at 8:40 with an airplane spin-like neckbreaker drop. ***3/4, very entertaining and pleasing to the eyes. Lita disrobes Mamacita and runs away with her red prom dress that she would be stripped out of the next night on RAW. We leave the action with Eddie enjoying his Mamacita in her sky blue lace bra and thong.

 

-Intercontinental Championship

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit©

 

The two lock up and exchange headlock takedowns, with neither really being able to get the better of the other. The champ and his challenger get in each other’s faces and we are now in yelling match city. Well, we all know what this leads up to… chops. They go at it with Benoit breaking it up by utilizing the eye-rake of death on Y2J. The King takes this opportunity to tell JR that one day they are going to tear their shirts off and have a chopping match, but Ross declines the invite. Jericho counters a charging Wolverine with a drop toehold and proceeds to mount and let loose oh the champ with right hands. Later, Benoit is stopped on his attempt at a third straight German suplex, so instead he backdrops Jericho over the top. Here comes another spot that reminds me of something that happened on a later date, this one being the Crippler’s between the ropes dive, which at the Royal Rumble of 2001 was countered with a steel chair to his head. This time, however, the Lionheart just falls out of the way. Jericho then uses his brains to hop over the steps as he’s thrown towards them, just to get them dropkicked right into his lower abdominal region. Rib breaker back inside for Champion Chris, followed by repeated stomps to the head. Jericho is draped over the top rope, and is snap suplexed, but it only gets Benoit a two count. Y2J is back up, and is reversed in an irish whip attempt, but ducks under a clothesline. He comes back and is caught with an abdominal stretch, which prompts King to admit the fact that X-Pac does have a better heart than he does, stating that should the Ayatollah of cardiovascular deterioration submit to the move, he’d have a heat attack. One long sentence later, Jericho powers out and gets a reverse elbow, then a Lionsault, injuring his right wrist/forearm. Benoit attempts to ride out the ten count, but Jericho goes for the cover and gets two. We have a spinning heel kick, which angers Mr. Roboto. Must chop the Lion into chop meat… must stop Jerichoholism… must swat away Jericho’s springboard dropkick attempt; and that’s what he does. He jumps to the top, only to get crotched. Challenger Chris has his super backdrop countered, though his archrival, Chris, takes the brunt of it anyway. Two count for Benoit. Jericho spins out of the test of strength (backslide style), and nails the double powerbomb. Benoit quickly recovers and locks in the Crossface, but Jericho is able to get his feet on the ropes. He can’t get it again, and the Master of the Walls locks in his signature submission maneuver, but it is also broken by the ropes. The heel champ grabs his belt while the ref is down after receiving a flying forearm and flattens Jericho, but only gets two. He goes to the top, but the challenger holds his belt up in the air, and is disqualified when Timmy White sees Benoit attack the helpless piece of gold at 15: 05. ****1/4 match. Sure, ending wasn’t decisive, but it worked for me. These guys are awesome.

 

-WWF Championship

Special Referee: Shane McMahon

The Rock vs. Triple H w/Steph & Vince

 

This match starts off with a staredown that is given an entire minute, more than many a Tazz match a few months back. Eh, it was more entertaining, so thumbs up to that. After what I clocked to be officially :54 on the staredown time-o-vision, Triple H is the aggressor to begin a sequence of punches. It is back and forth until Rock is thrown into the corner, but he comes back and knocks The Game onto his ass with two right hands. Rock pulls HHH back from an irish whip and spins it off with a reverse elbow. Pedigree attempt is countered with a backdrop, and Rock goes at Helmsley with stomps in the corner, and gets a neckbreaker after being stopped by Shane. Time for another little punching series, which leads to the Great One to be thrown to the outside. Vinny Mac capitalizes by ramming Rocky into the post and throwing him back in, allowing Triple H to get a two count. Two ducked clotheslines gets the Rock a jumping knee for his troubles, and the champ only gets two. A suplex and three deuces on the pinfall attempt soon get the Rock a short flurry of slaps only to fall into a sleeper turned extra-lengthy rest hold. Shane wonders if HHH used the ropes when he sees them swinging violently, but his brother-in-law denies it, so he lets it be. Lets go for another irish whip, shall we? This time we get a double clothesline and some more instant restification. Mr. Eyebrow (he should get that checked out) whips the holder of his coveted title over the top near the corner. Rocky counters a Pedigree on the top of the table, and when Shane tries to stop him from getting the Rock Bottom, he is grabbed and an amazing double Rock Bottom occurs on the top. Vince's expression explains it all. In the squared circle we are, as Vince stops Rock cold with a knock in the head with the belt. This allows his s-i-l to get the Pedigree, but where’s the ref? Oh, there he is. Shane! Wake up #### you! This is not right! Rock should be disqualified! That’s ok, though, because Vince has a backup. Did you think he wouldn’t have a plan? He waves out the stooges, who come running in wearing referee shirts. Patterson can’t get the three count to go down, so the two throw stomps The Rock’s way, and the boss nails him with a chairshot and falls over the challenger. Vince wants another Pedigree, but the glass breaks and in walks Austin. Crowd goes big-time ape feces, and he rocks Triple H, Patterson, and Brisco with chairs to the head, and he gets fed Shane back inside. He gets daddy anyway for good measure. See ya later Austin, as he is gone as soon as he arrives, but guess who he passes on the way out? If you guessed Al Snow, you probably have some afflictions in your brain. Let me tell you who it was. Linda McMahon and Earl Hebner are doing a run-in! Kingfish yells about him being fired, but Rock doesn’t care, as long as it gets him the title. Speaking of him, he stops Triple H dead in his tracks with a Pinebuster, and nails the people’s elbow. Mrs. Mac points a finger and the most Hebnerized ref I know of counts the 1-2-3 for the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion after 19:21 and one great contest. Tie for MOTN with ****1/4. Austin brings out the demolished DX Express in celebration, and shares a moment of Zen with the new Champ and a few brewskies.

 

I think this is good (a little tribute to Tazz in SD! JBI). Overall killer show with flaws being slim to none. Nothing of under nine minutes, other than Angle and the APA’s matches, which were obviously the comedy outlet and throwaway respectively of the night. Good for a bit of nostalgia as well.

 

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im still thinking of my own rating system, so don't shoot me.