The greatest Jake Roberts promo...

[Guest Dmann2000]

Okay, bare with me but as many here feel, Jake Roberts in his prime delivered some of the best promos/interviews ever. For this fantasy promo set your mind up to picture Jake during his 91-92 heel run.

 

"You know its funny, wherever I go I get asked the same question all the time. 'Jake Roberts, you're a world famous wrestler. You on TV every week. How does that make you feel, it must be a fabulous life. Heh. What makes you people think you have any idea how Jake Roberts feel? Hmmm? (rubs chin, chuckles to himself. Well let me give you a peek behind the curtin, a glimpse into Jake Roberts life. In fact a glimpse into how life is for anyone in the WWF.

 

Now see in life there's a little thing known as the Seven Deadly Sins, and because wrestling is my life these Seven Deadly Sins go hand in hand with this business. Ask anyone else in the WWF and they'll deny that these sins play a part in their lives, but they'd be lying. You can trust me, I preach the truth. Now for those of you not familiar with these Seven Sins I'll lay them out to you: Anger, Greed, Pride, Lust, Envy, Sloth, and Gluttony. Now how do these sins apply to wrestling well let me tell you how.

 

Anger: Heh. This one's easy. Anger and wrestling go hand in hand. This whole business is designed for people to solve problems with these (holds up fists) instead of this (points to his head). As for me, I'm always thinking in that ring, but it's always thinking (points to head) about how best to use these (holds up fists).

 

Greed: Hell, look at Ted Dibiase, there's an obvious example. But it's not just greed for the money. Oooh although that money is nice. No there's the greed of every wrestler to be the champion. For me it's a little different. Now see I don't need no belt to tell me I'm a good wrestler, oh no. I get greedy in that ring. See when I slap that DDT on someone, I want to do it again, again and again.

 

Pride: Every wrestler says their number one. Have you ever heard of a humble wrestler? Exactly. The same goes for me although I don't have to keep reminding people of it, I know I'm the best. And everytime I step in that ring, I prove it over and over again.

 

Lust: Oh my, when you're on the road, night after night, you find yourself in a new town every week. And after all the bumps and bruises, there's always some sweet young thing in town who says "I'll make you feel better, I'll take away that pain." Oh yes, you never find yourself too lonely on that road.

 

Envy: When you're in this business, and you see the guy whose on top, be him the champion or whatever it makes you sick. You say to yourself 'that's my spot, it belongs to me' And so the jealousy consumes you and fuels you. I look at some guys in that ring and I think 'why am I reduced to being put behind this garbage'. But when that comes to me, I just make sure when I'm in that ring, I let everyone know exactly who I am

 

Sloth: Don't tell me there aren't guys in this business who are full of themselves. Who think no one can touch them, let themselves go. Hell look at me. You think I spend my days at the gym? With success comes arrogance, and we're all guilty of that.

 

Gluttony: My favorite. But I'm not talking about food here, oh no. My gluttony is a different breed all together. You see night after night, I get to beat people up. I get paid, to put the DDT on them. And there's no greater thrill, no better rush than laying out cold man after man after man. It's an addiction. I'm a glutton for inflicting pain. Nothing tastes sweeter.

 

So there you have it. So now you have to ask me, Jake Roberts is it worth it. If you ask me is there a Heaven and a Hell I say brother, I'm already in Hell. And I'm loving every moment of it. Trust me. Heheh. Trust me"

 

Gorilla Monsoon: What a depressing, pessemistic outlook on life. I tell you one thing, I certainly don't share Jake Roberts sentiments.

 

Bobby Heenan: What did you expect Gorilla. Have you ever known Jake Roberts to be a joyful person. The man hangs around with snakes! Personally I don't like snakes.

 

Gorilla: No you fit in better around rodent creatures like ferrets or...weasals.

 

Bobby: Don't you start with me. I'll get Ric Flair up here. He'll teach you be fair to me. There's no man who's more fair than Flai...

 

Gorilla: Will you stop it!

 

Okay that's my creative spurt. Opinions?

[Guest Choken One]

The point was ???

 

Why does everyone LUV the 7 sins? Noone knew them until Brad Pitt made it famous.