HOT NEWZ~!!!!111111``1`1`11`1111**%$&@

[Guest Hot NewzWIRE~!]

OaOasT HOT NEWz~!!~

 

HAY! I’m BAAAAAACK! And worse than ever!! And the biggest newz in the OAOAST this year is that ANGLESAULT IS GAY! Just kidding! LOL. Although he is bi a lot of things!!!!!!!

 

OK. The REAL big newz in the OaOasT (beside the fact that Popick is gay) is that there is a management shakeup in the One and Only Thread of Anglesault! My bestest friend CobainWasMurderederedered (who is SEXY~!) QUIT~! And he went to go be a mounted police officer in the Yukon Territory! And he will return to the OAOAST and his catchfrase will be “I’m handsome, I’m brave, I’m a Nirvana fan!”

 

But the REASON he left was because Big Poppa Popick is GAY! And he became HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY (for those who don’t know, HHH is an indy wrestler that was holding down the one-legged Tenaciz Z in NWA Tits and Ass) of the OAOAST! And he was holding people down. I interviewed one OAOAST superstar who is mentally handicapped. He will remain anonymous.

 

Me: Hay dood. So Popick holds you down because you’re a retard?

 

???: Indeed.

 

Me: Why dood? You could sue him!

 

???: He would know it was me and he would hold me down!

 

Me: Just tell him SPIDERman did it and he’ll never find out!

 

???: Don’t give it away!

 

Me: ROFL! DON’T WORRY! I’m a POET and I didn’t know it! ROFLMAO!

 

???: That’s it!

[end interview]

 

In a TOTALLY unrelated story, I think Spiderpoet is GAY! LOL.

 

NEWayZ, the OAOAST’s greatest wrassler, Angle-Plex, aka Agnes, was upset about having NO character (d)erection! So everyone wants Popick to quit because he’s gay.

 

Rumor has it that Small (and I do mean small ROFLMAO) Papa Pop-It has a made up girlfriend! He alwayz talkz about her and he’s doing it to increase his ego (and ERECTION).

 

Sandman’s DILDO of choice is his weedwhacker! Rumor has it he axidently choppy-choppy his pee pee with it while he tried to stick it in APRIL LAVINE!

 

CWM is STILL sexy~!

 

EVENFLOWDDT is still OAOAST’s hottest member (who also has a HOT member~). All the women that get drilled by my 11-inch MICROPHONE say that they masturbate to Evenflow’s theme music!

 

Did you know “Kotzenjunge” is French for “Cowardly Eagle”?

Did you know “El Dandy~!” Is Mexican language for “Happy Deer?”

Did you know “The Golem” is English for “Wrestlecrap”?

 

Have you evar wondered why THE GAY SUPERSTAR is in the mian events? Itz cuz he went in2 a 60-minute meeting with Tony the (hard)Body! And when he came out he was smilin’ wit a “MILK” mustache!!!!!!!!!!

 

Sign Ideaz 4 INTENSEZONE~!

 

*CWM Mows my LAWN!! (And that’z a SHOOT~)

 

*Don’t Ban Agnes!

 

*Agnes for World Champion! No, I’m Serious! Why are you Laughing? Suck My Cock, Bitch! (might not fit on just one sign, but ROFLMAO)

 

*BPP is HORRIBLE IN BED (Jeff Hardy knows from experience!!)

 

*Anglesault plays “FAMILY GAMES!”

 

*Zack isn’t a P.O.P…he’s a P.O.O.P, but take out the periods!

 

*The Superstar pretends to suck the cock while he’s eating the pussy!

 

*The Dream Machines? If they’re not wet, it’s a waste of time!

 

*ZsasZ is the same forwards as backwards! Does that mean he’s gay??? (Answer: YES!)

 

*YUNA is a BISEXUAL LESBIAN!~ (AT LEAST I HOPE SO BECAUSE I WANT TO GET WHAT I PAY FOR ROFL)

-----------------------------

 

I went to an OAOAST HOUSE SHOW THIS WEEKEND!!!!! The entire show was ghey. Except the main event! Here it iz!!

 

OAOAST World Championshup:

Anglesault © vs. EvenflowDDT

The ONLY reason EFDDT was in ht e main event waz cuz it was hiz HOMETOWN of AMISH COUNTRY! He got somewhat of a stnanding ovation! An Anglesault “CAME” out on crutches! He said (just in progress LOL)

 

“Had a screwy knee, and I was playing a family whiffle ball game, over compensated for the knee on a swing, lost my balance, and messed the OTHER knee up.”

 

The fans started LAUGHING, those heartless bastard! Poor Anglesault! He then said:

 

“My replacement is my best friend……MY DAD!!”

 

Anglesault Senior then ran out with an whiffle ball bat! And He gave Evenflow DDT! a shot with the WHIFFLE BALL BAT! And then Anglesault Senior pinned that jobber and WON! And Anglesault sang his own theme music (DrEEEEEEEEAM, DREAM DREAM DREAAAAAAMM) And they hugged and made out. It was a very ghey show.

 

Well, another show CUMMING up soon is ZERO HOUR!!!! And this show will be very STUPID. OOPZ, did I say that out loud? (No, I TYPED it out loud ROFLMAO) Here is the booking sheet! I got it because Tony PMd the results to Big Poppa Popick, but since he is neither Big nor a POPPA, it got forwarded to ME, for I am BOTH!

 

WINNAR GETS TO BE A LACKEY FOR THE MAIN EVENTERZ IN WARGAMEZ: EVENFLOWDDT vs. ALFREYDOGG

 

This is first becuz these 2 guys SUCK COCK and deserve to stink up the hizouse! NEwayZ, The two guyz fight for 1 minute, and then Zack Malibu runz down! And Hits Evenflow! And then Sandman comes down! And hits Alfdogg! And then Superstar runs down! And Hits Evenflow! And then CWM runs down! And hits Alfdogg! And then Small Popick runs down! And hits Evenflow! And then Agnes runs down! And hits Alfdogg! And then Tony runs down! And hits Evenflow! And then Anglesault runs down! And hits Alfdogg! And with all this chaos, Evenflow low blows Alfdogg and gets disqualified!1

 

OAOAST Not-Canadian ChampionsChip: Thunderboy © vs. Brock Lesnar vs. AndrewisNOT,InFact,MyHero vs. Jailbait(aka 16 year old hooker)

 

This match is supposed to be TK winning, but it will not be! Tony will come down to ringside and take a microphone, and SHOOT! He will say “Thunderkid, you will be punished for never posting in the OAOAST. Therefore, you shall lose!” And Tony gives Thunderkid a SHOOT SPINEBUSTER! And then a SHOOT Slingshot Suplex! And then he spits on him with some SHOOT Saliva! And Brock Lesnar gives him a bearhug until he taps out for da win~!

 

OAOAST X-Tremely GAY Title! Rejected Loser Who Sucks Cock vs. ZsasZ!

 

When the match starts, “Ode to FEUD” plays and Mankind from 1996 (through a time portal, DUH) comes out! And he says “Eek! ZsasZ! Stop copying my character! Fuckin’ A!” and he gives ZsasZ the Mankind Claw! And Reject pinz and winz!

 

Tender Loving Care Plus a Pamela Lee Anderson Box Office Flop Match for da #1 Contenders’ Kip: Eskimos and Devils vs. SMALL Balls of Fire vs. Tajiri Ripoffs!

 

Los Infernales win with a backslide through a table.

 

WARGAMEZZZZZZZZ~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

OK, this match is very compilkated, so u peepz with slow attentions pans (KOTZENJUNGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Pay close attention. My sourcez tell me Popick has cahngd the finish himself! And when everyone is in the ring, he will give them all SHOOT Chairshots! And he will say “I OWN THIS FUCKING PLCE BECAUSE I AM TEH OAOAST FUCKIN’ HHH!!! ALL OF U SUCK AND CWM (who is sexy btw) DESerVES TO LEAVE! I AM GOD.” And then his cell phone rings…it’s his “GIRLFRIEND” (notice the QUOTATION MARKS!!!) But then Anglesault gives him a SHOOT roll-up and winz!!

 

THAT AXTIAULLY sounds like THE BEST OAOAST PEEPPEEVEEY ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

Well doodz, I hatez to say it but that is THE END OF HOT NEWZ THIS MONTH, WEEK, DAY, HOUR OR QUITE POSSIBLY MINUTE! I would like to shout out to new MEMBER shooter Jay. Why? Cuz it rhymes wit GAY! ROFLMAOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. I wantz to say I love YOU ALL IN THE OAOAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and here is a picture of me!

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BIG POPPA POPICK TO USE VIAGRA?? KOTZENJUNGE TO THROW UP?? CWM TO USE A MOUNTIE’S TAZER FOR AN ANAL THERMOMETER?? SANDMAN TO HAVE SEX WITH APRIL LAVIGNE?? ANGLESAULT TO DIE FROM ANXIETY OF GETTING ANOTHER HOT NEWZ PM? SUPERSTAR TO FORM A VERY VERY VERY GAY TAG TEAM WITH NONE OTHER THAN ZACK MALIBU? AGNES TO WIN WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP?? ALL THIS + DA HOT NEWZ ARCHIVE PLUS HOT NUDE PICTURES OF BIG POPPA POPICK HAVING IMAGINARY SEX WITH HIS IMAGINARY GIRLFRIEND WHILE ANGLESAULT LOOKS ON HELPING SUPERSTAR SHAVE HIS LEGS CLICK HERE!!!!!!

[Guest Kingpk]

OAOAST World Championshup:

Anglesault © vs. EvenflowDDT

The ONLY reason EFDDT was in ht e main event waz cuz it was hiz HOMETOWN of AMISH COUNTRY! He got somewhat of a stnanding ovation! An Anglesault “CAME” out on crutches! He said (just in progress LOL)

 

“Had a screwy knee, and I was playing a family whiffle ball game, over compensated for the knee on a swing, lost my balance, and messed the OTHER knee up.”

 

The fans started LAUGHING, those heartless bastard! Poor Anglesault! He then said:

 

“My replacement is my best friend……MY DAD!!”

 

Anglesault Senior then ran out with an whiffle ball bat! And He gave Evenflow DDT! a shot with the WHIFFLE BALL BAT! And then Anglesault Senior pinned that jobber and WON! And Anglesault sang his own theme music (DrEEEEEEEEAM, DREAM DREAM DREAAAAAAMM) And they hugged and made out. It was a very ghey show.

 

Greatest match ever.

[Guest Sandman9000]

Sandman’s DILDO of choice is his weedwhacker! Rumor has it he axidently choppy-choppy his pee pee with it while he tried to stick it in APRIL LAVINE!

How the hell is that even possible?

 

True fact, that bitch Avril wore an Elon (the University I "attend") t-shirt at the Grammy nomination ceremony media buttplug event, and everyone was way to happy about that.

 

That being said, I'd still nail her, then nail her with the weedwhacker.

[Guest Angle-plex]

 

OMG~! We now know Hot Newz's real identity!

 

ALFDOGG~!

 

He sent his pic to me in a PM saying he was wondering if I thought he was sexy (I said NO) and it was the same pic!

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

...

 

thats it...supershit, youre so jobbing

 

 

funny shiz man

 

too bad she's real

[Guest evenflowDDT]

OAOAST World Championshup:

Anglesault © vs. EvenflowDDT

The ONLY reason EFDDT was in ht e main event waz cuz it was hiz HOMETOWN of AMISH COUNTRY! He got somewhat of a stnanding ovation! An Anglesault “CAME” out on crutches! He said (just in progress LOL)

 

“Had a screwy knee, and I was playing a family whiffle ball game, over compensated for the knee on a swing, lost my balance, and messed the OTHER knee up.”

 

The fans started LAUGHING, those heartless bastard! Poor Anglesault! He then said:

 

“My replacement is my best friend……MY DAD!!”

 

Anglesault Senior then ran out with an whiffle ball bat! And He gave Evenflow DDT! a shot with the WHIFFLE BALL BAT! And then Anglesault Senior pinned that jobber and WON! And Anglesault sang his own theme music (DrEEEEEEEEAM, DREAM DREAM DREAAAAAAMM) And they hugged and made out. It was a very ghey show.

 

Greatest match ever.

I beg to differ

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Hey, I got a mention in the newslink at the bottom, I'm happy.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Nothing like a dose of HOT NEWZ~! to set you gay (OMG IRONY~!). Erm, straight?

 

Dude, I'm so not getting disqualified. I'm gonna stick it to the man, to OAOAST, to THE WORLD~!

[Guest Zack Malibu]

I'm gonna stick it to the man

Uh, 'Flow...you're just giving him material to work with with that line.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Ha ha! You didn't get me!

 

::Finds Hot Newz' printing computer, and spray paints "Property of P. N. News" on it::

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

nice flow

 

youre ghey

[Guest hhhruls]

shut up hot nuz hhh dusnt hld ppl down u shudnt evn mentin hhh in the saem post with yurslf or nyone els in this thred he iz abuv al of u especaly anglsalt cuz he is such faget he probley suks curt angels dick off evry nite but wishs it was hhh.

[Guest Hot NewzWIRE~!]

SHUT THE FUCK UP UR FACE, BIYOTTTTTCH! IMMA LOCK MY PENIS IN YOUR ASS AND MAKE YOU LIKE IT!>!> GIRLS LOVE IT WHEN I "INTERVIEW" THEM WIT MY 11-INCH MICROPHONE. I'LL MAKE YOU LOVE IT TOO BIYOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTCH!!!!!11 NOW CAN YOU DIG THAT, FAGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

[Guest evenflowDDT]

D'oh... erm, I didn't mean it like that... I didn't mean to say stick it to the man, I meant to say FUCK THE MA... dammit! That doesn't work either! Damn you man! You won't never get me do.... AAAAGGGGHHHHH~! Is there any way to assert myself that isn't a sexual euphemism?!?!

[Guest Sandman9000]

Nope.

 

 

 

Perv.

[Guest SP-1]

Even, "Assert Yourself" can be construed as a coarse joke.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Dammit! I keep gettiing held down since I can't assert my... AAAAGGGGHHHH THAT DOESNT WORK EITHER!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I blame Zack. Bastard

[Guest The Superstar]

OMG! Anglesault salvaged himself~!

 

...or not.

[Guest Anglesault]

Yes, I used my magical super powers to "Un delete" something I supposedly deleted.