Best way to piss off telemarketers?

[Guest razazteca]

You know whenever I get a phone call and the person on the other line ask for the home owner I feel like telling them to hold on while I just leave the phone on until they eventually hang up.

 

Would it be consider sexually harassment if I ask them what they are wearing, if they call me 1st?

[Guest wrestlingfanatic]

I usually keep them on the phone telling them whatever they want to hear but always get off topic when it comes time to buy something. One guy I kept on for like 90 minutes trying to give me a free watch for buying magazine subscriptions. I think it's only fair that when they call me to waste my time, I waste theirs time as well.

[Guest imajackoff?]

Just hang up on them. They are only doing their job.

[Guest Eagan469]

"no habla espanol!"

 

*hangs up*

[Guest Sandman9000]

I tend to find that screaming works quite well. Especially if you can slip in the phrase "skull-fucking." They usually don't call back afterwards, which is a shame.

[Guest Will Scarlet]

Yeah. I just hang up as well. I love it when they make it easy and say "Mr. and Mrs." Unless I have a mysterious wife I don't know about, I am not married, thus meaning it is probably someone I don't want to talk to.

[Guest razazteca]

Just hang up on them. They are only doing their job.

yeah but I get tired of the daily phone call at 8:00 PM, sometimes I feel like pretending to listen then turn on the tv volume real loud while watching a porno.

[Guest CED Ordonez]

I somehow had a telemarketer call me at work once. I put the poor guy on hold and he listened to elevator music for a good five minutes before getting the hint.

[Guest Your Olympic Hero]

just tell them youll slit open their ball sack, let the contents drop to the floor, and stomp on their testicles..... they wont call back

[Guest Your Olympic Hero]

and if the caller is female, just let them know you plan on removing their clit with a pair of toenail clippers, and then force them to chew it up.

[Guest razazteca]

that is some harsh stuff Olympic Hero, I don't think I could say that on the phone.

[Guest Retro Rob]

Jerry Seinfeld has a good method.

 

*Phone rings, it's a telemarketer*

Jerry, "You know what, this is a bad time right now. Leave me your home phone number and I'll call you back later."

*Telemarketer responds*

Jerry, "Whats that? You don't like being called at home? Well, guess what. Neither do I."

*Hang up*

[Guest Fook_Hing_Ho]

Also from Seinfeld:

 

"Would you like a subscription to the New York Post?"

"Yes"

*hangs up*

[Guest Insanityman]

I do various pranks, or act like I just called them. Sometimes I'll just have my friend yell, "Dude, let mom out of her cage!" They ALWAYS hang out.

[Guest Austin3164life]

The best way to annoy them is to sound very interested in their product, to ask questions about comparisons with other products, contrasts, comments, but right at the end just say "eh...not interested" and *click*.

 

*Boiler Rroom scene thought*

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

I always have a plan of how to tick them off, but when they actually call I'm doing something and just hang up.

 

When there's a call, I pick up the phone and wait a few seconds before saying hello -- usually the automated system that picked my number drops me. This works most of the time.

 

BTW: Has anybody been getting automated messages saying you won a trip to Disney? They call at 9 a.m. and wake me up, and they're automated so you can't yell at them...

[Guest crandamaniac]

Ah, fucking with the telemarketers. Depending on what mood I'm in, I'll either let them off with a "not interested" or I'll really fuck with them. One of my favorites was telling the people who were offering me a vacation package that I had just returned from said place.

 

I had an idea one time tho that I never used (mainly because I was scared they'd call the cops if I did). Kept getting calls from a home security system place offering to put a $800 security system in my home if I put there sign outside. They'd make there sales pitch then say

 

"Are you the homeowner?"

 

My reply "No, I just came in thru the window. Man they got some nice stuff in here. Guess they coulda used one of your home security systems."

 

I'd loved to have heard there reaction.

[Guest Youth N Asia]

I got one to hang up quick with a simple.

 

Telemarketer: "Can I speak to the lady of the house?"

Me: "This is she"

 

After that he hung up...maybe it was my deep voice.

 

These asshole keep you from doing whatever it is you were doing just to waste your time, you have every right to fuck with them.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

"Heh heh! I eat brains!"

 

"I will travel into the future and eat your future generations."

 

"I will appear in your dreams." (I miss my Freddy pic)

 

"Can I suck out your eyeballs, and eat the insides."

 

"How dare you interupt me from fucking the nieghbor's parakeet!"

 

"I'am the Lizard King!"

 

"All hail Cthulhu!"

 

"All hail me, Master of has-beens!"

 

"I have a smellophone, wanna smell what I didn't flush?!"

 

"You gotta help me, they're going to eat me!"

::Drop the phone and growl::

 

"Ban Agnes!"

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

I just tell them I can't be bothered to buy anything, because my husband and I are going through a difficult divorce.

[Guest The Electrifyer]

Am I the only one who never gets telemarketers? Sometimes I'm even hoping that some telemarketer would call me just so I could pull one of these pranks on them.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

"Can't talk too busy fucking Grandmother's corspe. You know you like that! uh! uh!"

 

"Godammit, he's getting away!"

::Starts up chainsaw::

[Guest razazteca]

Am I the only one who never gets telemarketers? Sometimes I'm even hoping that some telemarketer would call me just so I could pull one of these pranks on them.

your lucky not to know the scourge of the telemarketer as all they do is tend to call either in the mourning or evenings, not knowing how to pronounce my name or call me Mr. or the Owner of the House, then want to talk to the wife or some imaginary person.

 

NEVER SUBSCRIBE TO A NEWSPAPER OR GET A CREDIT CARD

[Guest MaxPower27]

My favorites are when they ask for my mom.

 

Telemarketer: Can I speak to ________ Gorman please?

Me: This is she, what do you want?

TM: Well, I'm with such and such company, we sell crap to idiots, etc. (Rambles on sales pitch for about 5 minutes, with me sounding interested)

Me: Hey, I should have told you, but my mom isn't home.

 

They hang up after that.

 

Usually, I just tell them that we're on a no-call list (even though we're not).

[Guest CED Ordonez]

I've had many Spanish-speaking telemarketer because of my last name. I understand jack so I often resort to my "Order stuff at Taco Bell' routine.

[Guest MillenniumMan831]

Me: I don't even have a phone.

[Guest HartFan86]

I do various pranks, or act like I just called them. Sometimes I'll just have my friend yell, "Dude, let mom out of her cage!" They ALWAYS hang out.

LMAO.

[Guest Downhome]

Many a time, me and my brother have put on "plays" for telemarketers. Have it be just fighting, or both of us acting like we need someone to talk to so we turn to the telemarketer, or even going as far as taking out a gun, shooting it, and pretending we killed ourselves or someone.

 

You'd be supprised how crazy some people can get, and what these morons will believe.

 

I also like what Jerry Seinfeld said on his show once...

 

Tele --- Yes, blah blah blah blah?

 

Jerry --- Well, I'm busy right now. How about you give me your home number and I'll call you back ASAP?

 

Tele --- Well, I'm not, ummm, I can't, I don't want...

 

Jerry --- So what you mean is you don't want people calling you at home?

 

Tele --- Well, yes that's right actually I...

 

Jerry --- Well, now you know how I feel. *click*

 

...I've used that, and it is indeed funny as hell.

 

I also like getting them to tell me EVERYTHING about their product, but give them a really hard time by then asking off topic questions about anything. I also enjoy talking in my various dozens of voices to them after the initial hello, it's fun, really.

[Guest razazteca]

After the hello and the pause by the computer which gives the telemarketer the "is so and so there", I like to ask them what are you selling this time, insurance, credit cards, phone service?

[Guest Hogan Made Wrestling]

Do an impersonation of the Rock, it worked very well for me.