OaOaST HOT NEWZZZZZZZZZ~!!#%&#*)@&

[Guest Hot NewzWIRE~!]

OaOasT HOT NEWz~!!~

 

HAY! I’m BAAAAAACK! And worse than ever!! And the biggest newz in the OAOAST this year is that ANGLESAULT IS GAY! Just kidding! LOL. Although he is bi a lot of things!!!!!!!

 

OK. The REAL big newz in the OaOasT (beside the fact that Popick is gay) is that there is a management shakeup in the One and Only Thread of Anglesault! My bestest friend CobainWasMurderederedered (who is SEXY~!) QUIT~! And he went to go be a mounted police officer in the Yukon Territory! And he will return to the OAOAST and his catchfrase will be “I’m handsome, I’m brave, I’m a Nirvana fan!”

 

But the REASON he left was because Big Poppa Popick is GAY! And he became HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY (for those who don’t know, HHH is an indy wrestler that was holding down the one-legged Tenaciz Z in NWA Tits and Ass) of the OAOAST! And he was holding people down. I interviewed one OAOAST superstar who is mentally handicapped. He will remain anonymous.

 

Me: Hay dood. So Popick holds you down because you’re a retard?

 

???: Indeed.

 

Me: Why dood? You could sue him!

 

???: He would know it was me and he would hold me down!

 

Me: Just tell him SPIDERman did it and he’ll never find out!

 

???: Don’t give it away!

 

Me: ROFL! DON’T WORRY! I’m a POET and I didn’t know it! ROFLMAO!

 

???: That’s it!

[end interview]

 

In a TOTALLY unrelated story, I think Spiderpoet is GAY! LOL.

 

NEWayZ, the OAOAST’s greatest wrassler, Angle-Plex, aka Agnes, was upset about having NO character (d)erection! So everyone wants Popick to quit because he’s gay.

 

Rumor has it that Small (and I do mean small ROFLMAO) Papa Pop-It has a made up girlfriend! He alwayz talkz about her and he’s doing it to increase his ego (and ERECTION).

 

Sandman’s DILDO of choice is his weedwhacker! Rumor has it he axidently choppy-choppy his pee pee with it while he tried to stick it in APRIL LAVINE!

 

CWM is STILL sexy~!

 

EVENFLOWDDT is still OAOAST’s hottest member (who also has a HOT member~). All the women that get drilled by my 11-inch MICROPHONE say that they masturbate to Evenflow’s theme music!

 

Did you know “Kotzenjunge” is French for “Cowardly Eagle”?

Did you know “El Dandy~!” Is Mexican language for “Happy Deer?”

Did you know “The Golem” is English for “Wrestlecrap”?

 

Have you evar wondered why THE GAY SUPERSTAR is in the mian events? Itz cuz he went in2 a 60-minute meeting with Tony the (hard)Body! And when he came out he was smilin’ wit a “MILK” mustache!!!!!!!!!!

 

Sign Ideaz 4 INTENSEZONE~!

 

*CWM Mows my LAWN!! (And that’z a SHOOT~)

 

*Don’t Ban Agnes!

 

*Agnes for World Champion! No, I’m Serious! Why are you Laughing? Suck My Cock, Bitch! (might not fit on just one sign, but ROFLMAO)

 

*BPP is HORRIBLE IN BED (Jeff Hardy knows from experience!!)

 

*Anglesault plays “FAMILY GAMES!”

 

*Zack isn’t a P.O.P…he’s a P.O.O.P, but take out the periods!

 

*The Superstar pretends to suck the cock while he’s eating the pussy!

 

*The Dream Machines? If they’re not wet, it’s a waste of time!

 

*ZsasZ is the same forwards as backwards! Does that mean he’s gay??? (Answer: YES!)

 

*YUNA is a BISEXUAL LESBIAN!~ (AT LEAST I HOPE SO BECAUSE I WANT TO GET WHAT I PAY FOR ROFL)

-----------------------------

 

I went to an OAOAST HOUSE SHOW THIS WEEKEND!!!!! The entire show was ghey. Except the main event! Here it iz!!

 

OAOAST World Championshup:

Anglesault © vs. EvenflowDDT

The ONLY reason EFDDT was in ht e main event waz cuz it was hiz HOMETOWN of AMISH COUNTRY! He got somewhat of a stnanding ovation! An Anglesault “CAME” out on crutches! He said (just in progress LOL)

 

“Had a screwy knee, and I was playing a family whiffle ball game, over compensated for the knee on a swing, lost my balance, and messed the OTHER knee up.”

 

The fans started LAUGHING, those heartless bastard! Poor Anglesault! He then said:

 

“My replacement is my best friend……MY DAD!!”

 

Anglesault Senior then ran out with an whiffle ball bat! And He gave Evenflow DDT! a shot with the WHIFFLE BALL BAT! And then Anglesault Senior pinned that jobber and WON! And Anglesault sang his own theme music (DrEEEEEEEEAM, DREAM DREAM DREAAAAAAMM) And they hugged and made out. It was a very ghey show.

 

Well, another show CUMMING up soon is ZERO HOUR!!!! And this show will be very STUPID. OOPZ, did I say that out loud? (No, I TYPED it out loud ROFLMAO) Here is the booking sheet! I got it because Tony PMd the results to Big Poppa Popick, but since he is neither Big nor a POPPA, it got forwarded to ME, for I am BOTH!

 

WINNAR GETS TO BE A LACKEY FOR THE MAIN EVENTERZ IN WARGAMEZ: EVENFLOWDDT vs. ALFREYDOGG

 

This is first becuz these 2 guys SUCK COCK and deserve to stink up the hizouse! NEwayZ, The two guyz fight for 1 minute, and then Zack Malibu runz down! And Hits Evenflow! And then Sandman comes down! And hits Alfdogg! And then Superstar runs down! And Hits Evenflow! And then CWM runs down! And hits Alfdogg! And then Small Popick runs down! And hits Evenflow! And then Agnes runs down! And hits Alfdogg! And then Tony runs down! And hits Evenflow! And then Anglesault runs down! And hits Alfdogg! And with all this chaos, Evenflow low blows Alfdogg and gets disqualified!1

 

OAOAST Not-Canadian ChampionsChip: Thunderboy © vs. Brock Lesnar vs. AndrewisNOT,InFact,MyHero vs. Jailbait(aka 16 year old hooker)

 

This match is supposed to be TK winning, but it will not be! Tony will come down to ringside and take a microphone, and SHOOT! He will say “Thunderkid, you will be punished for never posting in the OAOAST. Therefore, you shall lose!” And Tony gives Thunderkid a SHOOT SPINEBUSTER! And then a SHOOT Slingshot Suplex! And then he spits on him with some SHOOT Saliva! And Brock Lesnar gives him a bearhug until he taps out for da win~!

 

OAOAST X-Tremely GAY Title! Rejected Loser Who Sucks Cock vs. ZsasZ!

 

When the match starts, “Ode to FEUD” plays and Mankind from 1996 (through a time portal, DUH) comes out! And he says “Eek! ZsasZ! Stop copying my character! Fuckin’ A!” and he gives ZsasZ the Mankind Claw! And Reject pinz and winz!

 

Tender Loving Care Plus a Pamela Lee Anderson Box Office Flop Match for da #1 Contenders’ Kip: Eskimos and Devils vs. SMALL Balls of Fire vs. Tajiri Ripoffs!

 

Los Infernales win with a backslide through a table.

 

WARGAMEZZZZZZZZ~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

OK, this match is very compilkated, so u peepz with slow attentions pans (KOTZENJUNGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Pay close attention. My sourcez tell me Popick has cahngd the finish himself! And when everyone is in the ring, he will give them all SHOOT Chairshots! And he will say “I OWN THIS FUCKING PLCE BECAUSE I AM TEH OAOAST FUCKIN’ HHH!!! ALL OF U SUCK AND CWM (who is sexy btw) DESerVES TO LEAVE! I AM GOD.” And then his cell phone rings…it’s his “GIRLFRIEND” (notice the QUOTATION MARKS!!!) But then Anglesault gives him a SHOOT roll-up and winz!!

 

THAT AXTIAULLY sounds like THE BEST OAOAST PEEPPEEVEEY ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

Well doodz, I hatez to say it but that is THE END OF HOT NEWZ THIS MONTH, WEEK, DAY, HOUR OR QUITE POSSIBLY MINUTE! I would like to shout out to new MEMBER shooter Jay. Why? Cuz it rhymes wit GAY! ROFLMAOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. I wantz to say I love YOU ALL IN THE OAOAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and here is a picture of me!

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BIG POPPA POPICK TO USE VIAGRA?? KOTZENJUNGE TO THROW UP?? CWM TO USE A MOUNTIE’S TAZER FOR AN ANAL THERMOMETER?? SANDMAN TO HAVE SEX WITH APRIL LAVIGNE?? ANGLESAULT TO DIE FROM ANXIETY OF GETTING ANOTHER HOT NEWZ PM? SUPERSTAR TO FORM A VERY VERY VERY GAY TAG TEAM WITH NONE OTHER THAN ZACK MALIBU? AGNES TO WIN WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP?? ALL THIS + DA HOT NEWZ ARCHIVE PLUS HOT NUDE PICTURES OF BIG POPPA POPICK HAVING IMAGINARY SEX WITH HIS IMAGINARY GIRLFRIEND WHILE ANGLESAULT LOOKS ON HELPING SUPERSTAR SHAVE HIS LEGS CLICK HERE!!!!!!

[Guest Anglesault]

HA! And you said I lost it!

[Guest Hot NewzWIRE~!]

***RE{POSTED AFTER ANGLESLUT DELETED IT***

[Guest Anglesault]

I did NOT delete it!

[Guest Angle-plex]

Anglesault is already abusing his power~!

 

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG~!

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Anglesault is already abusing his power~!

 

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG~!

and you're surprised because....?

 

*This has beena cwm run in*

[Guest Sandman9000]

::The lumberjacks finally catch up to CWM and do bad things to his rectum::

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Bah! I have 15 minutes and alreadya ass joke

[Guest Anglesault]

Anglesault is already abusing his power~!

 

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG~!

and you're surprised because....?

 

*This has beena cwm run in*

IT'S A LIE! Superstar manufactured some story of me deleting his post in an attmpt to lose my job!

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Sure. and you never abused power at Vanilla Midgets either

[Guest caboose]

Oh god, don't bring up the shit about NAMBLA and whatnot.

[Guest Anglesault]

Sure. and you never abused power at Vanilla Midgets either

No, I did. But I was prevoked there.

[Guest Anglesault]

Oh god, don't bring up the shit about NAMBLA and whatnot.

And yes, that post successfully scared away anyone who doesn't know exactly what you're talking about.

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Provoked? How? by tim's existence?

[Guest caboose]

Oh god, don't bring up the shit about NAMBLA and whatnot.

And yes, that post successfully scared away anyone who doesn't know exactly what you're talking about.

Exactly, how did the NAMBLA joke start anyway?

Apart from your obvious hatred for Tim.

[Guest Anglesault]

Provoked? How? by tim's existence?

Exactly, how did the NAMBLA joke start anyway?

Apart from your obvious hatred for Tim.

 

Yep, that about covers it, Times two.

[Guest caboose]

Your clearly a man of high tolerance...

[Guest Anglesault]

Your clearly a man of high tolerance...

 

Now, that's not fair to say. All joking aside, Man/Boy sex should not be tolerated by anyone

[Guest Angle-plex]

Where did Superstar's post go~?!?!

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

That shit at VM is when I lost respect for you. You got fucking ownes by tim and acted like a baby.

[Guest Anglesault]

That shit at VM is when I lost respect for you. You got fucking ownes by tim and acted like a baby.

Oh come on. That's not true. Tim didn't own me. i killed him on the Emoticon war, and he never made that up. Remember, I'M the one who ended it.

[Guest caboose]

Anglesault, the Emoticon War was almost a year ago, get the fuck over it...

[Guest The Superstar]

Anglesault deletes another post.

 

Hot Newz told me he's going to write an article on Nazi Anglesault. Including in-depth pictures of Anglesault playing family games

[Guest Anglesault]

Anglesault, the Emoticon War was almost a year ago, get the fuck over it...

I'm over it. I've been over it.

[Guest Hot NewzWIRE~!]

OBVIOUSLY NOT. IT'Z THE ONLY THING TO EVER BE PROUD OF IN UR LIFE SO U'LL KEEP TALKIN BOUT IT 4 EVER!! LIKE U ALREADY ARE.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

You can never get too much HotNEWZ~!

 

Now complete with our very own HotDRAWMUH~?

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

Supershit was bitter at me for some NHB stuff and... SUPRISE! Hot News has a bunchy of sub-par ZsasZ stuff in there.

 

Oh and my gimmick isn't even close to mankind, they're only simalarity is that they're both dark. It's like saying Slayer and Black Sabbath are copies because they're both "metal".

 

 

 

LAME.

[Guest The Superstar]

Oh please. He told me that he just tries to include everyone into the report. Notice he had to throw something about Yuna in at the last minute.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

Don't play games with me Supershit. What are you going to tell me you're his official spokesman know? This Lois lane shit isn't going to work with me. Just drop the grudge and we can all live happily ever after.

 

Capice?

[Guest The Superstar]

It's a symbiotic relationship. Hot NewzWIRE~! is currently studying his AP English book. He tells me HE'S going to write a match for Road to Anglemania~!

 

and BTW, I was pissed off overall this weekend, and I apologize. Although throwing BATARANGS~ is still ghey