Best Sketch in SNL history

[Guest Vern Gagne]

Best episodes was discussed in Bob's SNL rant. I figured I'd start a new thread and have people, tell us what they think is the best all time sketch.

 

The Chippendales competion between Swayze and Farelly is my all time favorite.

 

The Male Sychronized Swimming with Schear and Short is runner up.

[cawthon777 0]

I might have to go with the Wayne's World Madonna dream sequence circa 1991.

 

Wayne: Truth or dare?

 

Madonna: Dare.

 

Wayne: I dare you ... to make out with me.

 

Madonna: ...Okay.

 

Wayne: (looks at camera) EXCELLENT!

 

Meanwhile, Garth is stuck running away from all the weirdos in Madonna's banned 'Justify My Love' video (one of which he claims to be Prince).

[Guest The Electrifyer]

Jingleheimer Junction is my favourite, although it is very hard to choose just one.

[Guest MaxPower27]

"Land Shark!"

[Guest Dmann2000]

Schwety Balls?

[Guest MillenniumMan831]

"Former President Gerald Ford, dead today at the age of 83 when he was eaten by wolves. He was delicious."

 

That's my favorite.

[Guest Dmann2000]

"Former President Gerald Ford, dead today at the age of 83 when he was eaten by wolves. He was delicious."

 

That's my favorite.

"Come on man, Ford dying, you coming out of the closet it'll be huge"

[Guest JangoFett4Hire]

Massive Headwound Harry

 

need I say mo'?

[Guest MillenniumMan831]

"Former President Gerald Ford, dead today at the age of 83 when he was eaten by wolves.  He was delicious."

 

That's my favorite.

"Come on man, Ford dying, you coming out of the closet it'll be huge"

"But I'm not gay."

"Not now, but what if you wake up, like men, and Gerald Ford dies. We'd all be hearing it from Dan Rather."

 

GOLD!

[cawthon777 0]

"Land Shark!"

Land Shark 2002

 

"Candygram..."

 

Tina Fey: "Candygram? We don't even have those anymore."

[Guest bob_barron]

Celebrity Jeopardy

10.23.99

 

Norm makes his return as Burt Reynolds and they blow the roof off the place.

 

Honourable mention goes to anything from the Spacey show

[Guest bob_barron]

Here's a transcript of the skit-

 

Alex Trebek: Welcome back to "Celebrity Jeopardy". Before we begin the Double Jeopardy round, I'd like to ask our contestants once again to please refrain from using ethnic slurs. That said, let's take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new "Jeopardy" record with -$230,000.

 

Sean Connery: You think you're pretty smart, don't you, Trebek? What with your Drago mustache and your greasy hair!

 

Alex Trebek: Look, what did I just say about ethnic slurs? From "3rd Rock From the Sun", French Stewart in second place with -$17,000.

 

French Stewart: I'm a late bloomer, Alex, and in Double Jeopardy, I'm gonna bloom!

 

Alex Trebek: Sure you will. And finally, back again, Burt Reynolds in a commanding lead with $14.

 

Burt Reynolds: Hey. Hey, ah.. check out the podium. Look at this.

 

Alex Trebek: Mr. Reynolds has apparently changed his name to Turd Ferguson.

 

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, that's right. Turd Ferguson. It's a funny name.

 

Alex Trebek: Great. Let's take a look at the final board. And the categories are: "Potent Potables"; "Sharp Things"; "Movies That Start with the Word Jaws"; "A Petit Déjeuner" - that category is about French phrases, so let's just skip it.

 

Burt Reynolds: Hey, uh, I speak a little French. You're an assbite, pardon my French. [ does a quick laugh ]

 

French Stewart: My name's French!

 

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, well, who gives a damn?

 

Alex Trebek: Moving on.. "Animal Sounds"; "Condiments"; and finally, "Your Ass or a Hole in the Ground". Mr. Reynolds, unfortunately you're in the lead, so we'll start with you.

 

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, I'll take the condom thing for, uh.. eight thou.

 

Alex Trebek: That's "Condiments". For $400. "This condiment is made from mustard seeds". [ Stewart buzzes in ] French Stewart.

 

French Stewart: The answer, of course, is onions. I'll take "Condiments" for $800, thank you.. [ buzzer sounds ]

 

Alex Trebek: That's not the right answer. [ Reynolds buzzes in ] Burt Reynolds.

 

Burt Reynolds: That's not my name.

 

Alex Trebek: Okay. Turd Ferguson.

 

Burt Reynolds: [ laughs ] Yeah, what do ya want?

 

Alex Trebek: You buzzed in!

 

Burt Reynolds: No I didn't.

 

Alex Trebek: Yes you did!

 

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, well, that's your opinion.

 

Alex Trebek: I hate my job. The answer was "mustard". Mustard is made from mustard seeds. Mr. Reynolds, it's still your board.

 

Burt Reynolds: Yeah well, why don't you give me, ah.. why don'tcha give me Ape Tit for $200.

 

Alex Trebek: It's not "Ape Tit." It's A Petit.. [ shakes head ] ..never mind! Let's just go to "Animal Sounds" for $600. This is the sound a doggy makes. [ Connery buzzes in ] Mr. Connery.

 

Sean Connery: Moo. [ buzzer sounds ]

 

Alex Trebek: No.

 

Sean Connery: Well, that's the sound your mother made last night! [ laughs ]

 

Alex Trebek: Okay, that's not necessary. [ Reynolds buzzes in ] Burt Reynolds.

 

Burt Reynolds: Who is, ah, Scooby Doo? [ buzzer sounds ]

 

Alex Trebek: No.

 

Burt Reynolds: That was a funny dog, Scooby Doo. He drove around in a van and, ah, solved mysteries.

 

Alex Trebek: That is incorrect.

 

Burt Reynolds: No, that's correct. I remember he had a pal, Scrappy Doo.

 

Alex Trebek: No. [ Stewart buzzes in ] French Stewart, the sound a dog makes.

 

French Stewart: Um.. [ breathes ] ..who is John Caffney and the Beaver Brown Band, thank you very much, I'll take Animal Sounds for $800 please.. [ buzzer sounds ]

 

Alex Trebek: No! Good Lord! We would've accepted "bow-wow" or "ruff"!

 

Sean Connery: Ah, ruff. Just the way your mother likes it Trebek!

 

Alex Trebek: Come on, that's way out of line, but.. [ Reynolds walks up to Trebek wearing a large hat ] Mr. Reynolds, what are you doing?

 

Burt Reynolds: Ha-ha! Yeah, I found this backstage, an over-sized hat. It's funny.

 

Alex Trebek: No, it's not!

 

Burt Reynolds: Sure it is. It's funny. It's funny because it's ah, bigger than, ah.. [ clears throat ] ..you know, a normal hat.

 

Alex Trebek: Uh, I see that. Get back to your podium.

 

Burt Reynolds: [ laughs ] Take a look at that!

 

Alex Trebek: Yeah, I see it. Go back to your podium. [ Reynolds goes back to his podium ] It's not funny. What's going on? Okay, let's just move on to Final Jeopardy. And the category is.. you know what? I tell you what, just write a number. Any number, any number and you win. [ music starts ] We'll accept any number, any number at all.. a one, or a two, or a three, or how about a four? It's that simple, I know you can do this. [ music ends ] Let's start with French Stewart, who's grinning like an idiot. You look pretty sure of yourself. Think you've got the right answer?

 

French Stewart: Yes, I'm pretty sure of it, Alex.

 

Alex Trebek: Well, all you had to do was write down a number. And you wrote.. [ shows Stewart's screen ] ..Threeve. A combination of three and five. [ Stewart nods ] Simply stunning. And you wagered.. [ shows his wager ] ..Texas with a dollar sign in front of it. I'm speechless.

 

French Stewart: No, I did not get the answer from anyone else, it all came from Mr. Stewart's noggin.. [ points at his head ] ..up here.

 

Alex Trebek: That's beautiful. Mr. Reynolds..

 

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, don't bother, I didn't write anything.

 

Alex Trebek: Good work, all right. Finally, Mr. Connery.. the category was Numbers, and you wrote.. [ shows his screen ] ..a letter V. Well, I tell you what, my friend - V is a Roman numeral, so despite your best efforts, you answered correctly. Let's see what you wagered.. [ wager is revealed to use the V as part of a K in "Suck it Trebek" ] "Suck it Trebek". [ Connery laughs wildly ] That's all the time we have. Good night, my.. [ Reynolds places over-sized hat on Trebek's head ] Would you get that off of me? [ pulls it off his own head ]

[ fade out ]

[Guest Crazy Dan]

I liked the Bush/Gore debate skit, the one where Bush Sr. made a cameo. That has been one of my more favorite skits to come out recently.

 

I also like Wayne's World and Sprockets (Mike Myers rules)

 

I also liked the debate in 92, where they had Clinton, Bush Sr., and Perot, and at the end Clinton sees Bush as an old woman. Bush sees Clinton as a pot head hippie. And Clinton and Bush see Perot as one of the Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz. That one had me rolling.

[Guest bob_barron]

My favourite Wayne's World is the one with Aerosmith. Especially the debate they have over communism.

 

Wayne: "With the recent developments in Eastern Europe, do you think that Communism is on the decline, or is this just a temporary setback?"

 

Steven Tyler: Wow, man, that's a hard question.. But I have to respond with a qualified yes. Although it seems that Socialism is in repose, until you repsoe the Stalinist era apparatchiks, there will be no real change in the Soviet Union.

 

Tom Hamilton: No, I disagree, man. There's never been a blueprint for the dictatorship of the Proletariats, so there's bound to be mistakes. However, if you study history, you'll see that since the rise of the nationship, Socialism has been a historic inevitability.. dude.

 

Garth: Excellent! Excellent!

 

EDIT: All transcripts come from snltranscripts.jt.org

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Got to go classic here with the Mainway toys holiday sketch. Aykroyd is pure gold. His bassomatic is also the best commercial they've ever done.

 

My favorite all time SNL one liner is Will Ferrell's "I've got some rolling papers if you've got some weed."

[Guest bob_barron]

That's from the baseball players skit from the Helen Hunt/Hanson episode.

 

Anything with Elliot Mainway is pure gold. I mean-Johnny Bag of Glass

[Guest Zero_Cool]

"Ya see, this may seem like an ordinary toy phone but.."

 

[chokes self with phone cord]

 

I always kinda dug Sandler's Canteen Boy character, too.

[Guest bob_barron]

Canteen Boy goes on a boy scout outing with Alec Baldwin was classic.

 

The skit got tons of complaints from viewers at the time

[Guest Mad Dog]

When your living in a van down by the river!!!!!!!

[Guest godthedog]

my favorite off the top of my head was chris farley's first appearance as the motivational speaker.

 

christina applegate: "i want to live in a van down by the river."

 

chris farley: "well, you'll have plenty of time to do that...when you're living in a van down by the river!"

 

farley making spade crack up is classic.

[Guest bob_barron]

His speech is called "Go For It!" Now, he's used to big groups, so make him feel like there's a crowd here. [ calls down the basement again ] Matt! Come on up, buddy!

 

Matt Foley: [ runs up the stairs, bouncing back and forth as he talks ] Alright, how's everybody? Good! Good! Good! Now, as your father probably told you, my name is Matt Foley, and I am a Motivational Speaker! Now, let's get started by me giving you a little bit of a scenario of what my life is all about! First off, I am 35 years old.. I am divorced.. and I live in a van down by the river! Now, you kids are probably saying to yourself, "Now, I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna get the world by the tail, and wrap it around and put it in my pocket!!" Well, I'm here to tell you that you're probably gonna find out, as you go out there, that you're not gonna amount to Jack Squat!!" You're gonna end up eating a steady diet of government cheese, and living in a van down by the river! Now, young man, what do you want to do with your life?

 

Brian: [ nervous ] I.. actually, Matt.. I kinda wanna be a writer..

 

Matt Foley: We-e-e-elll.. la-de-freakin'-da! We've got ourselves a writer here! [ jumps across the room ] Hey, Dad, I can't see real good.. [ lifts his glasses off and on his face ] ..is that Bill Shakespeare over there?

 

Dad: Well, actually, Matt.. Ellen and I have encouraged Brian in his writing.

 

Matt Foley: Dad, I wish you could just shut your big yapper! [ stumbles back across the room ] Now, I wonder.. Brian, from what I've heard, you're using your paper, not for writing, but for rolling doobies!! You're gonna be doing a lot of doobie-rolling when you're living in a van down by the river! [ turns to Stacy ] Young lady, what do you want to do with your life?!

 

Stacy: [ sarcastic ] I want to live in a van down by the river.

 

Matt Foley: Well, you'll have plenty of time to live in a van down by the river when you're.. [ tries to be clever ] ..living in a van down by the river! Now, you kids are probably asking yourself, "Hey, Matt, how can we get back on the right track?!" Well, as I see it, there is only one solution! And that is for me to get my gear, move it on into here, 'cause I'm gonna bunk with you, buddy! We're gonna be buddies! We're gonna be pals! [ picks Brian up ] We're gonna wrassle around! [ puts Brian down ] Ol' Matt's gonna be your shadow! [ motions] Here's Matt, here's you! There's Matt, there's you! [ trips and falls flat on the coffee table, sending it crashing to the floor ] Whoops-a-daisy! [ stands up ] We're gonna have to clean that up later! Me and my buddies! My pals! My amigos! I'm gonna go get my gear! [ heads for the door ]

 

Brian: [ runs after Matt ] Wait, Matt! You don't have to go!

 

Stacy: [ runs behind Brian ] Yeah, you don't have to do that! We'll never smoke pot again!

 

Dad: Uh, Matt, thanks for all you've done!

 

Matt Foley: I don't give a rat's behind, 'cause I'm moving in! I'm sick and tired of living in a van down by the river!

[ as Matt steps outside to grab his gear, Dad quickly locks the front door ]

[Guest Mad Dog]

I recommend getting the Best of Farley tape. It's got a ton of good stuff on it.

 

 

One of my other favorites is when Tom Hanks hosted and they did Tales of Ribeldry. Good shit.

[Guest bob_barron]

The Best of Farley is one of my favourites.

 

Jon Lovitz is absolute GOLD in Tales of Ribeldry

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

The Mainway Halloween costumes sketch

[Guest razazteca]

Dan Ayknoid sell the toys or Halloween costumes are good but Dan doing the news with Jane Curtain is the best.

 

Dan "Jane you ignorite Slut!"

[Guest notJames]

The synchronized swimming sketch and the "Buckwheat is Dead" saga are my all-time favourites.

[cawthon777 0]

"Ya see, this may seem like an ordinary toy phone but.."

 

[chokes self with phone cord]

 

I always kinda dug Sandler's Canteen Boy character, too.

Can't forget Johnny Switchblade. ...I want one of those.

[Guest MD2020]

"Buckwheat is dead" is a classic.

 

I have to go old-school, and go with Lord Douchebag.

 

 

 

Lord Salisbury: Would you like some dresing with that?

 

Lady Doucebag: Just some vinegar and water, thank you.

[Guest bob_barron]

I'll throw out two more for consideration-

 

Norm as Dave Letterman from the Kevin Spacey episode.

 

The Real World with Bob Dole from John Goodman

[Guest Fook_Hing_Ho]

Two words: Da Bears!

 

Honourable mention goes to Conan O'Brien as Moleculo: The Molecular Man!