OAOAST IntenseZone - 3/3/03

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 1-Welcome Wagon

 

OPENING:The parking area of The Pond, in Anaheim, CA, where the OAOAST delivers LIVE~! action tonight in the form of INTENSEZONE!

 

The camera focuses on someone who is wearing heavy boots, and is walking somewhere. The person stops at a door, and opens it. The camera focuses up, and we see a limo in the parking garage.

 

[Another angle]

The limo door opens, and Sammy Hagar steps out with a bottle of Tequila, Sammy has a look of horror on his face when he looks ahead.

 

Sammy: I got to stop drinking this shit.

 

David Lee Roth steps out

 

David: What?

 

DRL looks ahead and also has a look of fear on his face. Bret Michaels steps out and has the same reaction. All three men run away from the limo. H.P. Lovecraft steps out.

 

HPL: Wha!! That thing can give Cthulhu a good thrashing.

 

Loivecraft leaves, Jackie Gleason steps out, and is pissed at the group for being cowards.

 

Gleason: One of these days………..whoa!!!!!!!

 

Gleason runs away.

 

Elvis and Slash step out, with a big pop from the crowd.

 

Elvis: Well I know when I’m beaten.

 

The two musicians leave.

 

The Taskmaster steps out

 

Mario: What the Hell……….!

 

Mario steps back in and closes the door. Jingus goes over to the limo, and tries to open the doors.

 

Jingus: Open up! What happened to the once all powerful God of the OAOAST the once ruled this company with fear, and a fresh supply of monsters?!

 

Jingus picks up a pipe and starts smashing windows.

 

[Another angle]

The Metalli-posse is seen walking down the aisle with their latest addition, Robert Trujillo.

 

Lars: It’s time that you meet the Master.

Dave: SHIT!!!!!!

 

The group stops.

 

Cliff: Jaymz, go get him.

 

Jaymz Hetfield picks up a pipe, and runs at Jingus.

 

Jaymz: You’re off to never-never land!

 

Jingus simply steps out of the way, and Jaymz goes crashing through a window that Jingus has not broken yet. The rest of the posse runs at Jingus, except Robert. Lars is hit first with Jingus’s pipe; Cliff gets his head slammed into the garage door. Jingus assaults everyone with his pipe; Jason Newshit gets Tombstoned on to the limo. Jingus then beats Lars repeatedly with the pipe.

 

Jingus: What do you mean it’s wrong to download, overpriced music?! Your are stealing from the fans you overblown jackass!

 

Robert Trujillo walks up.

 

Robert: Excuse me! What exactly is my job description?!

Jingus: I don’t know. Just lie down and sell.

 

Robert lies down and pretends to be hurt like the rest of the group. The Phantom runs at Jingus from behind, but Jingus catches him with a back elbow to the mouth, knocking him out.

 

Jingus: So Mario, is this what you replaced me with?

Mario: No, that’s for Tenta. Go to the ring, and yours will come.

Jingus: Ok, I will!

 

Jingus tips over Mario’s limo and walks away.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 2-Old Friends, Newer Enemies

 

JR:"Hooboy. Looks like Mario is at it again."

 

Jesse:"Nevermind that bozo Ross, we're on the air!"

 

JR:"Hello everybody, and welcome to another edition of OAOAST INTENSEZONE! I'm Good Ol' JR..."

 

Jesse:"All right, stop right there Ross. The people know who you are already. And why do you call yourself good ol' JR? You certainly don't smell that way."

 

JR:"...Alongside the irreplacible Jesse "The Body" Ventura, and we're here to bring you excitement to the nth degree. The battle lines are being drawn for AngleMania, which is just a mere...

 

“Verdi’s Requiem” plays, cutting off Ross. The former World Tag Team Champion, JINGUS, steps out from the back.

 

Announcer: The following contest in scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, weighing 310 pounds, from the King’s Hometown, Jingus.

 

Big pop from Elvis impersonators in the crowd.

 

JR:"Folks, as I was going say, I've gotten word concerning tonights card. It seems that The Boogie Knights are..."

 

Jingus gets in the ring, and grabs the microphone.

 

JR:"...and I get cut off again."

 

Jesse:"Do YOU wanna tell JINGUS to shut up?"

 

Jingus: So Mario, where is my replacement.

 

APA theme hits, and Bradshaw steps out.

 

Bradshaw: MOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

His opponent, weighing in at 315 flabby pounds, from the Dungeon of Doom, Bradshaw.

 

Bradshaw: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Bell rings.

 

JR:"Good lord. Folks, before this match gets underway, I'll say what I've been meaning to. It seems that neither Kotzenjunge nor Zorin have shown up here tonight. Both men are involven, or should I say, should be involved in matches here tonight. I'm not sure where they are, or what could be wrong, but we'll keep you posted throughout the show.

 

The two hosses slug it out, and JR marks out for both men. Bradshaw hits a Clothesline from Hell, but Jingus no-sells. Jingus hits the Clothesline from someplace worse than Hell, on Bradshaw. Bradshaw explodes, and the ref stops the match.

 

Bell rings.

 

Announcer: Your winner Jingus.

 

Bald Bull storms the ring, and brings Jingus down with a Bull Charge. Jingus recovers, and catches Bald Bull with another clothesline when he attempts another Bull Charge, Jingus tears out his guts.

 

Glass Joe hits the ring, Jingus eliminates him with one punch. King Hippo enters, and Jingus hits him with the clothesline, King Hippo no-sells but his pants fall. King Hippo leaves.

 

King: I quit!

 

Mike Tyson gets in the ring, and he slugs it out with Jingus. Tyson grabs him, and bites his ear off. Jingus kills him also with a clothesline.

 

The Phantom gets in and hits Jingus with the ring bell. The Phantom repeatedly DDTs Jingus on the bell. The Phantom leaves after hitting a flying elbow drop off the top rope.

 

Fat Bastard gets in the ring, and jumps around Jingus. Fat Bastard hits an Earthquake on Jingus, and laughs. Fat Bastard hits two aftershocks on him, and then leaves.

 

The EMTs run into the ring and carry Jingus out.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 3-Don't P.I.S.S. Me Off

 

A sign reading TOKYO AIRPORT is seen, although it looks supiciously like Kennedy International. The camera gets a shot of a plane about to land.

 

People are shown getting off the plane, only two people appear to be Japanese---there he is... Vince Russo gets off the plane.

 

RUSSO

Vince Russo here in Japan. Last week, I said I was going to fly to Japan to find some of the biggest stars in Puro. Well baybee... the search begins.

 

Shots of Russo walking through the streets of "Japan."

 

RUSSO

I'll admit this... the Japanese sure love American culture. Toyko reminds me of New Yawk, always a good thing.

 

Russo goes into a building called FAST SHOOTERS.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. - FAST SHOOTERS - NIGHT

 

Girls are seen shaking their thang as the pervert's in the nudity bar get aroused.

 

RUSSO

Look at that! I have found one of the top Puro stars.

 

Russo walks up to the janitor.

 

RUSSO

Aren't you the famous Puro star...

 

JANITOR

Ireally Suckhard.

 

RUSSO

Holy shit! You speak English. You're going to be HUGE in America. Ever been there?

 

SUCKHARD

Ah, yes... America.

 

RUSSO

Would you consider going to America and the OAOAST only to get your ass kicked by me?

 

SUCKHARD

Uh...

 

RUSSO

Our money is worth more than ten countries combine.

 

SUCKHARD

Okay.

 

RUSSO

I got one guy. Too make it fair I'll find one more jobber.

 

A graphic appears on-screen reading: NEXT DAY

 

 

Russo, along with Ireally Suckhard, are walking towards the McDonald's in downtown New Yor... Toyko.

 

INT. - MCDONALD'S - MORNING

 

Although in Japan, a majority of the people inside are North Americans who are munching on Big Mac's, apple pies, etc.

 

RUSSO

Let's see if we can find one more guy to get his ass kicked by me.

 

A heated argument is taking place behind Russo. Vinnie Ru approaches a large man, 31---with his wife, 29---eating a super-sized Big Mac.

 

MOM

Your Mcnuggets made my son fat.

 

PIMPLE-FACE TEEN

Ma'am, it's not our fault.

 

RUSSO

Excuse me, pal.

 

MAN

Hey aren't you Vince Russo---the greatest booker in history?

 

RUSSO

Yes, I am.

 

MAN

My name's Bob Meltzer Wade, that's my wife Sara... huge fans.

 

RUSSO

I can tell you're huge. Wait a minute... you're initials are B.M.W.?

 

MAN

Yes, sir.

 

RUSSO

How would you like the opportunity to team up with a huge puro star named Ireally Suckhard and face me, Vince Russo, next week on OAOAST Intense Zone?

 

BMW

It would be an honor.

 

RUSSO

Would you agree to follow the rules of Americans teaming with puro stars?

 

BMW

Yes, sir.

 

RUSSO

Alright. You're gonna become Japanese. To make you and Suckhard look like a team... you shall be named Ihave-a Hardon.

 

BMW

Heh. I love it. You're a genius.

 

RUSSO

I know. So next week, handicap match on the Intense Zone; Ireally Suckhard and Ihave-a Hardon.... how would your wife feel if I asked her to be your valet?

 

SARA

I would love too.

 

RUSSO

Next week, Ireally Suckhard and Ihave-a Hardon with their valet Loves Dixz vs. Vince Russo. P.I.S.S. all the time!

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 4-Stark Raving Mad

 

JR:"Oh lord. Vince Russo here? If that man even attempts to wear tights, I may vomit on national television."

 

Jesse:"Funny, I think the same thing everytime you mention that sauce of yours."

 

JR:"Now listen Jess, I...what's that...OK, show it! Ladies and gentlemen, it appears we've gotten Jonathan Coachman on the scene with The Boogie Knights. Coach, can you hear me all right?"

 

(a cameraman rushes towards the door of a nightclub while we hear the Coach talking. The place is called “Alright Strobelight” and the camera can’t focus when it first enters due to the strobelights and smoke everywhere.)

 

Coach: JR and Jesse, we’re at the club where Zorin an Kotzenjunge have been spotted, and...

 

(the camera sees a large crowd of people on the dance floor, circled around a pair of lightning quick figures, which, as the camera comes closer, are revealed to be Zorin and Kotzenjunge.)

 

(Coach finally catches up with the cameraman and makes his way through the crowd to get to them.)

 

Coach: Zorin! Kotzenjunge! Hey! Stop!

 

(Zorin is doing some kind of new wave 80s jerky dancing like a robot of some kind, Kotzenjunge is doing some liquid dancing, his entire body rippling and moving as if gelatin were taking the place of his bones. Ironically, the music doesn’t really match what they’re doing at all, as Booty Bass music doesn’t really match anything except for sexual dancing.)

 

Coach(loudly): GUYS!!!!!

 

(the music ends a split second before Coach yells, and the crowd is silenced by him.)

 

Coach: Oops.

 

Zorin: What do you want? Shouldn’t you be at a Barry Manliow concert?

 

Kotzenjunge: How dare you kill the groove that was going on here?

 

Coach: Well, I was going to ask you why you weren’t at the arena for your matches... concert?

 

Zorin: Yes sir, if you hurry, you can still get a front-row seat at the box office!

 

Kotzenjunge: Are you serious?

 

Zorin: Consider the performer.

 

Coach: Um... I... need... to... go...

 

Kotzenjunge: Wash?

 

Coach Wash... my... umm...

 

Zorin: Dildo collection?

 

Coach: Dildo collection...

 

Kotzenjunge: So you’re going to leave us alone?

 

Coach: Yeah... I’ll see you guys around.

 

(Coach runs away and past the cameraman, leaving him with Kotzenjunge and Zorin)

 

Kotzenjunge: He said we have matches?

 

Zorin: I believe so.

 

Kotzenjunge: Bastard! We don’t have time for schedules and listening to people!

 

Zorin: Yeah! We’re the Boogie Knights!!

 

(they pose)

 

Kotzenjunge(still posing): Um... 2k3!

 

Zorin: Yes! Boogie Knights 2k3!

 

(they keep posing)

 

Person in Crowd: Dude, the Boogie Knights were ghey.

 

(they stop posing and snap to attention)

 

Zorin: Excuse me? Ghey?

 

Kotzenjunge: Do you think raves are ghey too?

 

Person: Yeah, I do.

 

(Kotzenjunge whips out a pair of chained glowsticks, and nails the guy across the face. As he staggers backward, Zorin spears him and throws him over one of the bars.)

 

Kotzenjunge: Come on, we’ve got matches!

 

(the cameraman follows Kotzenjunge and Zorin as they run out to the Boogiemobile, a green 1967 Mustang GT Fastback with a 460ci, and rocket away from the nightclub.)

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 5-Face Off

 

Backstage, Michael Cole is said to be standing by with EvenflowDDT. But first, some footage...

 

A Recap from Road to Anglemania II Plays:

ZM:"...And I don't want to fight Evenflow, I'll be the first one to admit it. Not because of fear, but because I don't want it to come to that. Despite everything, there might be hope. And now, in order to get to the title, to the one thing that has always eluded me, I have to."

 

MC:"Are you afraid of losing? Of missing out again on a shot at the big gold?"

 

ZM:"I'm not afraid of losing Cole. I'm afraid that I can't do it. I can't face off with 'Flow."

 

MC:"So, what does..."

 

ZM:"I forefeit."

 

evenflowDDT

"Don't reap what you can't sow, Mr. Malibu. You turned your back on me, on I, on all of us, and now you want to back down at the last minute? I don't think the belt appreciates that any more than we do. Ahh, for want of a golden calf. For want of a golden calf you gave up salvation, and now you even turn your back on the false idol? To whom is your allegiance? Are ye the righteous or the wicked? Does it matter? No. You'll turn away from either one, to protect your own interests. You'll walk all over either one, to protect your interests. You'll twist the knife in all our backs, as long as it suits your fancy.

 

Nay, though you wriggle your way out of punishment, hiding away like a sniveling worm behind locker room doors and bodyguards and the root of all evil, though you claim to fear no man you also refuse his most beloved spectacle because you don't want your dreams or nightmares. Nay, all suffering is not in vain, for thy time on earth shall still end, and the Gates of Hell shall open, and all your hurt will be returned a thousandfold. Fear not my wrath, coward, but the wrath of the All Mighty, the Divine, he who protects the just and the oppressed, offers salvation to those with naught, and he who delivers divine justice and the truth.

 

You don't want to face me tonight? Fine. But your sins shall only cause you more sorrow, for you shall not be pious tonight, thou shalt be punished..."

 

evenflowDDT puts on a grey mask adorned w/ a frowning Greco-Roman theatre mask. The camera zooms out and we can see the Hebrew letters adorning his outfit.

 

evenflowDDT

"...for tonight thou shalt face he crafted not of clay, but of blood, he who has no soul, no mercy. Tonight thy opponent is The Golem. Vengeance is reborn."

 

Michael Cole stands in shock, as The Golem walks off. Cole backs up a little, then turns to walk away, as we head back to the ring.

 

(“Slave to the Rhythm” hits and...nothing? Wait, false alarm, because here comes Max Zorin in all his dancing glory! Zorin, who hit the clubs a little early, and even still has his ID bracelet on, makes his way to the ring for a matchup with Mr. Zsasz. He even gets a bit of a pop, because the fans HATE ZsasZ more than him.)

 

JR: “Well, much to my surprise, Zorrin has quite a few supporters here tonight.”

 

Jesse: “Well…Duran Duran was popular too, JR.”

 

(All the sudden, the music abruptly cuts and the now-familiar “FIVE MILES TO COBO” sign appears on the video wall. ZsasZ slowly walks out, focused the whole time, as if mentally reviewing his plans.)

 

JR: “Bah gawd, ZsasZ looks ready. His eyes aren’t leaving the ring.”

 

Jesse: “So far, he’s only tackled high-flyers. I wonder how he’ll do against someone even more technically skilled than he is.”

 

(They lock up. ZsasZ locks in a side headlock. Zorrin elbows out and is Irish whipped into the ropes. Each man ducks the other’s clothesline before Zorrin catches ZsasZ on the chin with a superkick.)

 

JR: “Oh my! He could have him early here: 1…2…DIDHEGETHIMNOHEDIDN’T!”

 

Jesse: “Have you been hanging around McMahon again?”

 

(Zorrin applies a front facelock, but ZsasZ rolls out into a Fujiwa armbar. Zorrin makes the ropes, but ZsasZ holds on for the extra five seconds allowed before DQ.)

 

JR: “Look at that vulture, ZsasZ! Break the damn hold!”

 

Jesse: “It’s all legal JR. You know ZsasZ plays by the rules.”

 

JR: “I just don’t know what rules he goes by!”

 

(ZsasZ clotheslines Zorrin down and goes for a quick cover; it only gets two.)

 

JR: “You have to wonder what a feather it would be in the cap of Zorrin to defeat ZsasZ before his title shot at ANGLE-MANIA. He might even get the first shot!”

 

(ZsasZ goes for a German but it gets blocked, Zorrin counters with three of his own and nearly gets the three. He goes for the Flawless Bomb, but ZsasZ counters into a Triangle Choke. Zorrin barely gets the ropes.)

 

JR: “Excellent display of technical wrestling from both men! Zorrin is faring much better than we’d hoped Tony!”

 

(ZsasZ picks up the weakened Zorrin by his hair and Zorrin gives him a low blow. He then runs into the ropes and hits a great leg-lariat. It only gets two.)

 

Jesse: “Zorrin is beginning to sense victory is near!”

 

(Zorrin bodyslams ZsasZ and goes to the top for a Moonsault. ZsasZ gets his knees up.)

 

JR: “ZsasZ got his knees up! He was playing possum, dammit!”

 

(ZsasZ hits the Fearful Symmetry)

 

Jesse: “Fughettaboutit. 1…2…3”

 

JR: “What a great effort from Zorrin, but in the end ZsasZ was just too good.”

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 6-Kickin' It Old School

 

JR:"And now folks, as part of our path to AngleMania 2, here is a blast from the past, courtesy of the OAOAST!"

 

Anglesault: I know what you're thinking!

 

Caboose: I'm not a real wrestler.

 

cWM: Well you're right. We're just posters.

 

AS: But I have been in a legendary feud with Hunter......

 

Jason holding a sign: I have an IQ of 22

 

Treble Charged: I wrestled Duanne Gill

 

AS: ...and won

 

CWM: I fought Courtney Love once.

 

Caboose: I have sex 12 times a day.

 

Mario: I got a papercut while writing this¡K¡K¡K¡K..

 

Someguy: I name everything "Some......."

 

Mario: ¡K¡K¡K.but I didn't cry

 

Caboose: I have become an alcoholic.

 

Jason: I have been no selling since before there was Hulkamania.

 

CWM: Anglesault crushed my testicles.

 

AS: Molly and Kurt Angle have filed restraining orders against me.

 

CWM: Courtney Love left a disfiguruing scar on my chest.

 

Jason: My lawyers will sue the Undertaker & Kane for stealing my gimmick.

 

CWM: This is what I do.

CWM Tosses grenade at Courtney Love's house.

 

Jason: This is what I do.

Proceeds to beat the Hell out of EvenflowDDT.

 

AS: This is what I do.

AS Stands in Police line up, while Kurt Angle and Molly identify him as the stalker.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 7-X-tasy

 

"The Devil is a DJ" by the D-Devils hits as the challenger, Kotzenjunge makes his way to the ring with massive boos.

"Money, Power Respect" hits as the X Champion, Reject makes his way down to the ring for yet another title defense.

 

The match starts out with Kotzenjunge, who surprises Reject with a couple of Stiff Kicks to the Legs. Reject falls to his Knees, and is met with another Stiff Kick, this time to the head. Kotzenjunge quickly covers for a TWOOOOOOO Count!

 

Quickly back on the attack, Kotzenjunge goes for a Superkick, but his foot is caught by Reject, who hits a Step Over Spinning Heel Kick. Reject then hits a Standing Moonsault. He Covers...TWOOOOOOOOOO.

 

Reject heads up to the Top Rope, he attempts a Five Star Frog Splash, but is met with a knee to the stomach. Kotzenjunge continues to land more of his Trademark Stiff Kicks to Reject, who falls to the mat.

 

Kotzenjunge waits in a Corner for a fallen Reject to recover. Reject is up, Kotzenjunge charges at him and attempts a Hurricanrana(sp) but it is reversed by Reject, who hits a PITCH BLACK~! Reject covers, 1...2...3!

Reject retains. An excellent effort by Kotzenjunge.

 

Jesse:"Man...I KNEW those guys should have waited to go clubbing!"

 

JR:"You think that's why he lost the match?"

 

Jesse:"The match? Nah, I just wanted to tag along!"

 

JR:"Trying to recapture some youth, huh Jess? Well, speaking of youth, we now take you to another rising star. Here's Michael Cole with Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland."

 

Michael Cole is standing next to Andrew 'Your Hero' Hyland, who is looking as confident as ever

 

Cole: Andrew las--*Andrew grabs the mic*

 

Andrew: No offence, Cole, but you're really not worthy to do an interview with someone as important as me.

Now, last week, I defeated not one, not two, but THREE men in a fatal fourway. And one of those people happened to be the current OAOAST North American Champion, one Thunderkid. You wouldn't beleive the amount of fan mail I've received over that. Thousands upon thousands writing me letters of support, congratulations, and encouragement. And yet, everyonce in awhile, a peice of hate mail comes in. They say that I cheated, and that I'll never be as good as Thunderkid. At first, I brushed them off as snot nosed punks who don't know what they're talking about. And, for the most part, it's true. But, it did get me thinking. And so I went to Bill Watts, and said, "Give me a match at Anglemania against Thunderkid for the North American title". And Bill said, "Sure think Mr. Hero, sir. By the way, could you give me an autograph? I'm your biggest fan". So, at Anglemania, Thunderkid, not only will I beat you for the second time, but I'm also going to take the North American title. You're looking at the next OAOAST North American Champion people, because I'm Andrew, and I'm your Hero.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 8-Doesn't Anybody Get To Work On Time?

 

(Outside, we see a limo pulling into the arena garage. It comes to a stop, and SPIDERPOET steps into frame at the back passenger door. He reaches down and pulls the handle, and swings the door open. The MYSTERIOUS WOMAN from Road To AngleMania steps out! The two stare at one another for a long moment and the limp drives away)

 

Woman: Are you going to invite me in, stranger?

 

SP: You wanna deal, we can deal outside. You helped me. People that help people want something in return in this business.

 

Woman: I'm hurt.

 

SP: Save it. What do you want.

 

Woman: The kiss was nice.

 

SP: Yes. It was.

 

Woman: Remind you of old times?

 

SP: Somewhat.

 

Woman: You've changed.

 

SP: I had to.

 

Woman: You know, I told you not to go to WWE. I sat in the locker room and I cried the night that McMahon Wench lured you away. I told you that the McMahons eat kids like you alive, that they'll steal your heart and soul right out from under you. And I was right.

 

SP: (Looks away, thinks for a second before looking back) You were half right, Mel. Half. I was a stupid kid and they ate me alive. But my heart? My soul? (SP pounds his chest) Check out Bloody Battered, and Beaten. Check out any match I've been in here in the OAOAST. My heart still beats and my soul still aches with satisfaction every TIME I step through the ropes.

 

Mel: That's why I helped you, Spidey. I saw the man that I knew had it in him all along back on the circuit. I saw the man that I knew you had it in you to be. And I couldn't sit back and let a WWE ring eat you alive again. It looked like Dandy wasn't going to be in your corner so . . . I had to.

 

SP: (Nods, and squares his shoulders, looking at her) Thank you.

 

(Mel nods)

 

SP: Well . . . speaking of Dandy . . . if you're going to hang around here, there are a few things you need to know. Let's go chat . . . I also need to see Watts.

 

Mel: One thing.

 

SP: Fire away.

 

(Mel pulls SP in for another kiss!)

 

::Fade Out::

 

(Final Audition flares up over the speakers, but the song is quickly changed to Ode to Joy as The Mad Cappa and his manager, Vince Rusco, come out! Cappa is wondering why the music changed! They come to apathy from the crowd! Cappa has a mic in his hands, but Rusco grabs it away! Cappa asks him what's wrong, but gets hushed by Rusco!)

 

Vince Rusco: (To the crowd) "Oh I know you ain't dissin' us! All you losers out there betta' give ME (points to self) more respect! Everybody rise! (Crowd starts to boo) NO! You see, this is the part when you jackasses stand up and CHEER for me!" (The boos get louder as Cappa shakes his head in disbelief! Cappa grabs the mic from Rusco!)

 

The Mad Cappa: "I'm so sorr..." (Rusco grabs the mic from Cappa!)

 

Rusco: (Interrupts) "I'll get to ya' in a sec! (Turms his focus right back to the crowd) Stop this booing! (More boos from the crowd!) Hey, hey, hey! It's not MY fault (With his right hand on his chest) that you losers have no future! (The boos get louder!) Speaking of futures, (points to Cappa) here's a somebody who actually has one! This is the best thing to hit the OAOAST since sliced bread! He can easily hang in there with the best the OAOAST has to offer! However, this hungry newcomer hasn't exactly gotten any opportunties..." (Cappa grabs the mic)

 

Cappa: (Interrupts) "I haven't been out here long enough...." (Rusco grabs the mic)

 

Rusco: (Interrupts and ignores Cappa) "Since it looks like he isn't getting any shots his way, I'm gonna' offer a little incentive. Next week, here on Intense Zone, I'm throwing, for my client, ... (pauses) an OPEN CHALLENGE!" (Cappa has a shocked look on his face and grabs the mic!)

 

Cappa: "I don't think..." (Rusco grabs the mic)

 

Rusco: (Interrupts) "YES, you can! You have more talent in your thumb than most of these bums here in the OAOAST! Speakin' of bums, let's get outta' here before I get sick of seeing all these bums out there!" (Crowd boos as Cappa picks up the mic)

 

Cappa: (As he shakes his head in disbelief) "Gatamela!"

 

(Ode to Joy plays over the loud speakers as The Mad Cappa and Vince Rusco leave to a chorus of boos! At the top of the ramp, Cappa disappears into the backstage area and Rusco flicks off the crowd as they boo louder!)

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 9-Dream Teams

 

JR:"The OAOAST is really heating up. A lot of new blood has been injected into this company, and there are going to be some major shakeups, no doubt about it."

 

*Cut to the back, The Dream Machines dressing room.*

 

::The Parka is shown sitting in a locker room with his head down. Suddenly Shattered Dreams bust into the room::

 

SD: Oh man! I'm like totally sorry that I'm late. I had to sneak out of the back of the hotel. They're were literally thousands of teen age girls blocking the entrance, hoping for a glimpse of yours truly. Then I got a call on my celly from one of my many Hollywood friends. Her name is like, Jennifer Aniston. She's an actress. I don't know, you might have heard of her. She's kind of obscure. She talked for hours! She's mega sweet, though. She's a darling.

 

::Parka says nothing:

 

SD: Why the long face P-Money?

 

::Parka stands up::

 

The Parka: I'll tell you why. I tried to pick up some woman outside of the arena. For a quickie. I told her the Dream Machines were the tag team of the future and that we were the men she's been waiting all her life for. You know what she said? She said the Boogie Knights were the team of the future, and Zorin was the man she's been waiting for all her life.

 

SD: That's way weak. We're the stone cold pimps of the nation!

 

Parka: I know that! We're handsome and successful and with PK by our side we're basically unbeatable.

 

SD: Listen, dude. Who cares what some 200 lb hoe thinks about us. All the sexy honeys want to get a taste of our man meat, and then wash it down with our love juices. High five!

 

::Parka ignores SD's request for a high five::

 

The Parka: It's the principal of it all. What lady wouldn't want us over the BK3? We're better looking. We're better wrestlers. We're better people!

 

SD: And we're better dancers!

 

::SD does the moon walk::

 

The Parka: Exactly. We can call ourselves the tag team of the future. But its just a name until we actually prove it. So, we're going to take on the BK3. We're going to prove that we are superior in every way. Then we're going to, pardon the expression, shatter their dreams.

 

::Parka lights a cigar as the scene fades to black::

 

 

::Fade into Bill Watts' office::

 

Watts seems to be shuffling through some paperwork, and he looks up as SPIDERPOET and his new friend walk in.

 

Watts: (Stands) Well hello young lady. I don't believe we've met.

 

Mel: We haven't.

 

(Watts takes her hand and kisses it, gentleman-like)

 

Watts: I'm Bill Watts, I run this show. Keep punks like Spidey here in line.

 

(SP smirks)

 

Watts: I don't believe I caught your name, Miss . . .?

 

Mel: I didn't toss it out, Mister Watts. But you can call me . . . BLACK WIDOW.

 

Watts: I see. (Looks to SP) Fiesty one, eh?

 

SP: Mister Watts, you don't know the half of it.

 

Watts: Heh. What do you want?

 

SP: A match. With Sandman. Tonight. For one of the Tag Belts.

 

Watts: (Laughs) You know, you're the second person that's asked me for such a thing. I guess considerin' the circumstances, it seems at least somewhat logical. And what do you propose I do with two different people holding a single tag belt, Spidey?

 

SP: Pair 'em up. Or, barring that, they can find a partner and face each other in a Tag Match to unify the belts to their respective team.

 

(Watts seems to mull it over)

 

SP: (Leans down on the desk and gets closer to Watts) (Whispers) It'll draw . . . big time. It's random, it'll keep people guessing. Money, Mister Watts. In the bank.

 

Watts: You have a point. Seein' as how the other boy got his match next week, I'll put you and Sandman in action RIGHT HERE, TONIGHT.

 

SP: (grins, and looks to Widow, who is also grinning) Thank you, Mister Watts. (SP turns to leave)

 

(WIDOW runs a finger along Watts' chin)

 

Widow: Thanks alot.

 

(Widow winks, and both of them leave Watts with a smile, shaking his head)

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 10-Pure Stardom

 

MICHAEL COLE

Jim Corn...

 

CORNETTE

Shut up, Michael Cole. The politics in the OAOAST is striking harder than a pornstar giving a blowjob. At Zero Hour, I put out an open contract to all the so-called OAOAST superstars to face The Purist, but nobody, I repeat nobody has dared to sign the contract...Then on the Intense Zone last week, I put the contract on the wall backstage and it's still not signed. It's becoming clear to me, everbody in the OAOAST is scared of my wrestling machine. Maybe, it's because I set the qualifications too high for the high-spot using punks of the OAOAST. So now I'll issuse an open challenge to anybody for a match with The Purist at AngleMania II. I don't care what your style is, because I'm confident the Purist will still beat you.

 

MC:"OK now back to...what's that? All right, show it!"

 

CUT TO:

 

A shot of Tony "The Body's" house in Hollywood U.S.A.

 

EXT. - "THE BODY'S" MANISON - DAY

 

A very long, black limo pulls up to the manison. The driver opens the door, the red carpet rolls out by itself and The Superstar, decked out in no doubt a $10,000 custom made suit, steps out.

 

SUPERSTAR

Since Tony is still in some hospital recovering from a broken ego. I thought I would make sure his manison was well taken care of. This will also be my pilot episode of....

 

Graphic on-screen:

 

SUPERSTAR InVades!

 

SUPERSTAR (CONT'D)

Where I go to people's homes and... trash their place. You punks be sure to watch out for that mega-hit, coming soon to a network near you.

 

So this is it? Looks very small compared to my palace.

 

SS's butler opens the gate of "The Body's" manison.

 

SUPERSTAR

What a buffoon, doesn't even have sercuity. Ha.

 

The butler tries to open the front door but can't, it's lock.

 

SUPERSTAR

Gentlemen.

 

Two large men break the door down.

 

The butler opens the door.

 

SUPERSTAR

Ugh! Look at this hell-hole.

 

The cameras show a great looking front room, complete with all the cool shit one may want.

 

SUPERSTAR

Let's see what's upstairs.

 

SS and his crew head up the stairs.

 

A sign saying WEIGHT ROOM is seen.

 

INT. - "THE BODY'S" MANISON - WEIGHT ROOM

 

It's a very large room that has weights, a television, DVD/VHS player.

 

SUPERSTAR

Boring. Trash the place.

 

SS's crew starts smashing every and anything.

 

SUPERSTAR

Bingo!

 

A sign reading PRIVATE is hanging on a door.

 

SUPERSTAR

Private, huh? Gentlemen.

 

SS's two thugs break another door down.

 

INT. - "THE BODY'S" PRIVATE ROOM

 

Apparently, this is the room of OAOAST legend, Tony "The Body." You don't need to know any other details because the motherfucker is rich.

 

SUPERSTAR

(chuckling)

Look at this. (SS holds up a funny looking object) A penis enlarger.

 

Everybody starts laughing.

 

SS roams around the room.

 

SUPERSTAR

Mm, a very large porn collection. Take that with us.

 

SS looks under the bed and pulls out something.

 

SUPERSTAR

An inflateable woman and a box of condoms. What a freak our legend is. I guess he doesn't get as much action as he claims.

 

Everybody starts laughing.

 

SUPERSTAR

Let's go into his bathroom.

 

SS opens the bathroom door. Your nomal bathroom... just 10 times larger.

 

SS goes through the cabinets.

 

SUPERSTAR

Shaving cream, razor, comb, towels... bor... wait a minute, a super-sized bottle of UnManly Smooth Legs? Ha. Now that jerk can't make fun of the old Superstar anymore. He was using it himself.

 

Guys, I'm bored. Let's go.

 

BUTLER

What do you want us to do with the manison, sir?

 

SUPERSTAR

Do what every other smart person would do: trash it... then set the house on fire.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. - SUPERSTAR'S LIMO

 

SUPERSTAR

I hoped you enjoyed the debut of my pilot show: Superstar InVades. And I hope you're watching Tony "The Body." I took your house, now I'm going to take your career.

 

SS sticks his head out of the sun-roof.

 

As the limo takes off, we see "The Body's" manison on fire.

 

SUPERSTAR

Cut! That's a wrap.

 

SS, arrogantly waves as his limo leaves.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 11-Don't Wake Me Up If I'm Dreaming

 

*Backstage, La Parka Your Car and Shattered Dreams fire up their bodyguard about his match*

 

LPYC: I can’t believe that pipsqueak challenged our boy to a match tonight. That beating he took last week must have made him a little crazy in la cabeza.

 

SD: Don’t worry; he’ll have plenty of time to regret his decision while he counts the lights, in the emergency room *laughs*

 

PK: Let me worry about Rando, you guys keep a lookout for those raving fags Kotz and Zorin.

 

*They head out the dressing room door*

 

LPYC: What was up with that mamacita checking us out after our match last week? I think she wanted some of the Chairman.

 

SD: We would have given her all she could handle *laughs again*.

 

JR:"I hope these boys can back up those cocky attitudes in the ring. Tonight, we've got 1/3 of The Dream Machines, Peter Knight, taking on The Amazing Rando, one half of The Originals."

 

Peter Knight vs. The Amazing Rando

 

*Puppet kicks in as Rando rises up through the stage with his partner, Shocker. He looks pretty pissed*

 

Announcer: *dingding* The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by his partner, Shocker, weighing in at 200 pounds, Rando!!

 

JR: “This kid is mightily ticked after losing last week due to this guy.” *Footage is shown of Knight hitting Rando with a chair during a 3-2-1 attempt and then Knightmaring him on the floor* “He’ll want his revenge tonight.”

 

*The music fades and Malice takes it’s place as the crowd boos the arrival of the Machines*

 

RA: His opponent, accompanied to the ring by La Parka Your Car and Shattered Dreams, weighing in at 268 pounds, Peter Knight!!

 

Jesse: “I like this guy; he doesn’t say much and gets right to business. Something I wish you would do more, JR.”

 

Rando jumps Knight as he gets into the ring and pounds on his back. Rando shoots him off the ropes and takes Knight down with a beautiful dropkick. He pounds on Knight and the ref has to pull him off. The other Machines talk strategy to their partner and, when Rando goes to pick him up, Knight pulls him out of the ring, right at the feet of LPYC and SD. Kinght distracts the ref as they pound and kick Rando a little and roll him back into the ring.

 

Jesse:"I LOVE IT! This type of thing never gets old!"

 

JR:"I'm sure Rando would disagree."

 

Knight covers and gets 2. Shocker voices his displeasure to the ref. Knight takes over and presses him down, then steps on his throat. He goes for a whip, but Rando reverses, leapfrogs Knight, and takes him down with a spinkick. He goes off the ropes and hits a flipping legdrop and covers for 2.

 

JR:"Close call!"

 

Rando dropkicks him in the face and Knight clings to the ref, allowing LPYC to trip Rando as he goes off the ropes.

 

JR:"Son of a..."

 

Jesse:"Why complain, Ross? You wanted proof that they were a cohesive unit, and now you're seeing it."

 

Knight boots Rando down and goes for a powerbomb, but Rando reverses it into a DDT, he covers and Knight kicks out at 2. He clubs Rando in the back and tells his teammates “No more bullshitting around now” as he hits a backbreaker. Knight drapes him on the ropes and LPYC and SD give him a right hand. They high five and laugh, but are surprised as they see the Boogie Knights running down the aisle!

 

JR:"THE BK'S ARE HERE! KOTZ AND ZORIN, DUKING IT OUT WITH THE DREAM MACHINES!'

 

Jesse:"Oh don't do this to me! Don't make me pick a favorite!"

 

The two Anglemania teams brawl at ringside and up the ramp, taking Knight’s help away from him. Knight looks on from the ring as they disappear through the curtain and turns around into a boot to the gut and a RANDOuble arm brainbuster. Rando covers and gets the pin.

 

RA: Here is your winner, Rando!!

 

JR: “Rando wins! Bah gawd, he got his revenge, and The Dream Machines have gotten theirs, courtesy of The Boogie Knights!"

 

Zack, Allison, and Tony are in the IC/Commissioner's Office as the camera pans towards Zack wandering by BPP's desk...A note sticks out

 

Zack: Hey guys, this doesn't sound good.

 

::Sandman,

Have fun with that little mindfuck of yours to me? I care not, your time with your friends is gone, my time is now, you'll see...now that you're out of the way, our paths are different, my goals clearer...

You say He won't trust in me...You say He will fail me. That's where you're wrong. The offer still stands, anytime, anywhere, anything goes...You are a demon I am bound and determined to rid myself of.

 

Au Revoir, Mon Chere

Popick::

 

Tony: ... What the hell did he do to him?

Allison: Zack, let's go.

Zack: You too go, I need to find BPP...

 

A crewmember runs into the office

 

CrewGuy: Zack! Tony! Bad News...Two guys with hoods just grabbed BPP and threw him in a hearse or something, no an SUV...

 

Zack: Sandman.

Tony: Fuckers.

Zack: BPP will make it...I know he will. I trust him.

Tony: Me too

Alison: I'll try too

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 12-Cold Day In Hell

 

"Ice Ice Baby" Blares in the arena, and the Masked Mystery Eskimo sleds down the entrance ramp to a massive pop. This marks the first title shot Eskimo has ever gotten, and the man is sure to make the most of it. Eskimo slides into the ring and gets into his ringwear, checking out the ropes to get the feel...

 

"Dream On" quiets the crowd, and a furtively glancing AngleSault slowly walks with the OaOasT Championship slung over is shoulder...His eyes dart left...dart right, and look over his shoulder. The Champ gingerly enters the ring...and points to the title..."Mine" he says...and Eskimo glares right back...and the ref takes the belt, and signals for the bell

 

OaOasT Championship Match

AngleSault © vs. Masked Mystery Eskimo

 

Eskimo charges to hit AngleSault with hard right hands, backing him into the ropes..Whipped off, AngleSault hits the far side, then meets an back elbow from Eskimo...Quick Cover...1 count...Eskimo picks AS back up, suplex! Eskimo again with it...no countered by AS...into a suplex...They trade counters again...breaking on the third...trying to re-evaluate

 

 

The two meet back in the middle...AngleSault going behind with a hard hammerlock, Eskimo running to the ropes and dumping AS over, no AS holds on, shot to the head...Slingshot Guiloteene Legdrop..No Eskimo holds on to the leg...stands up, and then flips AngleSault into the ring...a variation of a Death Valley Driver

 

AngleSault falls onto the mat, and Eskimo locks in his Frostbite FaceLock...AngleSault slowly makes it to the ropes...but Eskimo flips over and moves AngleSault to the middle of the ring...Having some slight momentum, AngleSault reverses that into a standing Anklelock...Eskimo tries to flip out, and fails...but makes it to the ropes, clutching for all he has worth. AngleSault goes to pull him off, but Eskimo hangs on, then pulls anglesault forward and into the ropes, then back off, springing his neck on the ring ropes!

 

 

Eskimo picks AngleSault up...and Delivers a BLIZZARD BOMB~!...His ankle crumples and it takes him a few more seconds to cover, AngleSault kicks out at the two count...and IMMEDIATELY locks in another AnkleLock, but pulls Eskimo upwards and dropkicks him in the face! from the anklelock!

 

AngleSault scales the to the top of the turnbuckle, Eskimo is up...Attempted running SuperPlex...AngleSault pushes him off...SALTSAULT!!!on the falling Eskimo, Eskimo rolls through...1...2...AngleSault reverses....1...2...3! AngleSault barely escaped, he stole one from Eskimo!

 

Winner, by rollup, in 9:43, and still OaOasT Champion, AngleSault

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 13-The Spider and The Sand

 

::The opening notes of SHORT STORIES WITH TRAGIC ENDINGS come over the speakers as the lights dim, and Spider Poet emerges from the back, with BLACK WIDOW at his side. The two make their way down the ramp and hit the ring. Shortly after, WHITE AMERICA booms over the arena speakers, and SANDMAN 9000 makes his way down to the ring. He looks pretty agitated, too::

 

Widow hops down off the apron, and Sandman eyes her wearily. He and SP square off as the bell rings, but Sandman allows little time as he moves right in and plows SP with a quick right hook. Sandman grabs SP and whips him into the ropes, and SP ducks a clothesline attempt on the return. Coming off the ropes again, SP is looking to hit a shoulderblock but Sandman hits a quick flapjack. SP scrambles to his feet with the aid of the ropes and Sandman is on the offense again, pounding on SP with right hands, backing the Poet into the corner. Sandman keeps pounding SP down, ignoring the ref completely. Finally, SP drops into a sitting position in the corner and Sandman lets loos a vicious kick to the shoulder. Grinning wickedly, he rises a boot and SCRAPES IT ACROSS SP'S FOREHEAD. SP doubles over, grunting in pain.

 

Widow is up on the apron however, and Sandman doesn't seem to be in the mood for valet games. He covers the distance to her quickly and looks to be going to drag her into the ring, but she quickly grabs his head and jumps off the apron to the ground, pulling him down to the ropes. Sandman rebounds and goes straight to his back, holding his throat. SP is on it, scrambling over and folding Sandman into a quick rollup. Stunned, Sandman lets a 1 count go but kicks his way out. SP is on his feet, and he puts the boots to Sandman heavy before heading to the top turnbuckle of the nearest corner. He looks to be setting it up . . . SPIDAHSAULT~! But SANDMAN GETS HIS KNEES UP!

 

JR: Now that was just foolish of Poet to go for such a risky move this early in the match! Especially after the toll the contest on Road To AngleMania took on his ribs!

 

Jesse: Oh shut up, Ross, it's actually pretty tactful to try and put it away early with someone like Sandman.

 

JR: My, you're irritable tonight!

 

Jesse: I'm surprised you aren't! We both suffer from the same affliction.

 

JR: What's that?

 

Jesse: You.

 

Poet is in a heap in the middle of the ring as Sandman gets to his feet. Sandman smirks, seeing Poet with his arms wrapped around his already hurt ribs. Sandman kicks ferociously at the young man's ribs, trying his best to do as much damage as he can. And it looks like Sandman is going to try a little air warfare of his own as he heads to the top rope. But what's this?! Widow is on the apron, distracting the Ref! Distracted, Sandman never sees BPP come through the crowd, and hit the apron! By the time he realizes it, BPP is popping him with a few right hands. Sandman turns and brawls back and the two go for a few long seconds. BPP lands some choice blows as the crowd's volume intensifies, and Sandman finally fends him away with a good elbow between the eyes. But by the time Sandman looks back, SPIDERPOET LEAPS TO THE SECOND ROPE, HOOKS HIM, and PUULS OUT A TOP ROPE DDT!

 

JR: It isn't fair but BAH GAWD WHAT A MOVE!

 

Jesse: Sandman never had a chance, JR! That'll daze anyone!

 

SP goes for the quick cover and as the ref starts counting, kicks his legs up to rest on the ropes and holds on with all his might. 1 . . . 2. . . 3!

 

Winner and Half a Tag Champion: SpiderPoet (Via Two Run-Ins and Top-Rope DDT)

 

Widow is in the ring now with one of the Tag Belts, and she pulls SP under the ropes. She throws the belt over his shoulder and grins wickedly as she helps him hold his ribs. They round the corner and SP comes face to face with BPP, who stares at him hard. They stare at one another for a few moments before Widow pulls SP towards the ramp and they start back up.

 

In the ring, Sandman is IRATE. Dazed, but on his feet, he seems to be hurling some choice words at BPP, who returns them in kind. Sandman motions for BPP to come in the ring but just as Popick hits the apron, SP's voice comes over the speakers. Breathless, he speaks.

 

SP: Oh come on boys. Don't fight! Don't get mad that I took advantage of your childishness and pull out the win! (Laughs) Popick, Sandman, DANDY? HA! None of you saw me coming! We gotta run though. (laughs again) Later, kids.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Segment 14-'Sault In The Wound

 

Cut to Michael Cole in a hallway holding a microphone.

 

Cole: Hello everyone, I'm Michael Cole, and I'm waiting out here to interview my friend Zack...

 

(OAOAST World Champion Anglesault suddenly walks into the frame, with his belt over his shoulder and his sledge in his hands.)

 

Anglesault: Michael Cole, esteemed OAOAST correspondent, correct?

 

Cole: Uhm...I guess so.

 

Anglesault: But you also happen to be good friends with a certain OAOAST competitor, is that not right?

 

Cole: Yes...

 

Anglesault: In Fact, that man is Zack, Malibu, isn't it?

 

Cole: Well, yes...

 

Anglesault: Good, then you can give him this message

 

(Anglesault waylays Cole with the world championship belt. Cole is already bleeding. AS immediately picks Cole up and smashes his face into the wall multiple times. He starts grinding Cole's face into the ground, the whole time screaming insults and Zack. As then picks Cole up and nails a Salt Shaker before grabbing the mic that was in Cole's hands.)

 

Anglesault: Welcome to HELL, ZACK!

 

(Anglesault then picks up Michael Cole and LAUNCHES him through a plate glass window into another room. Cole lands propped up against the wall, so AS runs, and charges right through the broken window, and on to Michael Cole. He picks up his sledge and prepares to deliver the final blow, when a swarm of officials and Angle-Plex run in to break it up. AP literally picks AS up and starts carrying him away, pleading with him to calm down while the officials help Cole up. AS manages to break free from AP just as they get Cole up and start walking him past another window. AS, who is on the other side of the widow, shatters the glass with the sledge which nails Cole right in the head. The refs scream for EMTs.)

 

Anglesault: (To AP) Okay, I'm calm now.

 

(AP just looks disgusted as we fade.)

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Backstage, Zack Malibu and Alison rush over, as EMT's load Michael Cole up on a stretcher.

 

ZM:"I can't believe this night."

 

A:"Zack, it's OK."

 

ZM:"It's not OK Alison. If it's not Anglesault, its' Evenflow. If it's not Popick, it's Cole. And I'm afraid you could be next."

 

A:"What are you saying, Zack?"

 

ZM:"I'm..."

 

Zack is cut off by the theme music of The Golem blaring over the PA in the arena. "If I Was Santa Claus" is heard in an OAOAST arena for the first time in a while, as tonight, EvenflowDDT has donned the guise of The Golem once again, this time to battle his best friend, now the man considered his arch-rival, Zack Malibu. Walking to the ring, his face hidden by a mask but rage in his eyes, Golem steps through the ropes and stalks around the ring, as the fans adorn him with jeers.

 

Backstage, Malibu looks at a monitor, staring a hole through it as he looks at The Golem.

 

A:"Zack? What is it?"

 

ZM:"I'm not going down like this."

 

Zack paces off, headed for the entranceway.

 

The jeers turn into cheers quickly, as "Die Another Day" begins to play over the P.A. All eyes are on the entrance ramp as Zack Malibu prepares to enter the arena. After about 30 seconds into the song, he still hasn't appeared. Golem and the referee look at the aisleway, as the fans also try to get a glimpse of the self-proclaimed Pissed Off Prep, but no dice.

 

Golem begins arguing with the ref, motioning for him to raise his hand. As he does, "Die Another Day" comes up again, and Zack Malibu, clad in jeans, sneakers, and a long-sleeve T shirt, appears at the top of the ramp. Golem turns to see him, and you can see his eyes widen through his mask, as Zack Malibu charges the ring!

 

Zack slides under the bottom rope in a flash, and Golem takes off and retreats to the outside. He paces ringside, putting his hands up in surrender, but Zack has none of it. He rolls under the bottom rope and goes for Golem, who begs for mercy, only to be floored with a right hand from Zack!

 

Jesse:"He pulled the first punch! He said he'd never hit Evenflow, and he has!"

 

JR:"And I don't blame him one bit!"

 

Golem stumbles backwards, as Zack has a look of regret on his face for doing it. Zack, seeming mad at himself, turns to walk away before the fight can get any worse. Golem gets to his feet, and grabs a nearby steel chair, running up and smashing Zack across the back!

 

JR:"Aw come on! The man doesn't want to fight his friend, and look at Evenflow, that cheating bastard!"

 

Golem slams the chair across Zack's back several times, pummeling him with the metal object. Golem puts the chair down, and picks a dazed Zack up, Irish Whipping him hard into the steel stairs! Zack sits against them, held up by them, as Golem plays to the crowd a bit.

 

Zack gets grabbed by his hair, as Golem leads him to his feet, and then throws him back into the ring. Golem follows him back inside, and stands over Zack, calling his name in a sarcastic manner, mocking the fans chants of "Zack". Malibu lay on his back, looking up at the lights, and Golem comes and stands on his throat, choking him! The referee gives the standard five count, and Golem backs off, only to come back and do it again!

 

As the referee warns Golem about his behavior, Zack rolls onto his stomach, coughing and trying to get the air circulating through his body again. Golem brushes past the referee, and picks Zack up, and sends him hard into the opposite corner! Zack leans up against the ropes, as Golem comes charging...ZACK GETS A FOOT UP! Golem stumbles backwards...SPEAR BY MALIBU!

 

The crowd pops bigtime, as Zack takes Golem down with the spear, then starts unloading punches on his former friend! Malibu seems incensed that it has come down to this, but is doing what needs to be done. He picks Golem up and sends him towards the ropes, while he himself bounces off the other side...FLYING FOREARM! Rather than go for a cover, Zack takes Golem by the head again, then FLINGS HIM OVER THE TOP AND TO THE FLOOR!

 

JR:"Bah Gawd, Zack Malibu looks like a man on a mission here tonight!"

 

Jesse:"How do you figure? He looks nothing like Mo or Mabel!"

 

JR:"..."

 

Malibu follows out to the floor, and grabs the same chair that Golem used on his earlier. Golem, still sitting on the floor, begs for forgivness, as Zack stalks him, weilding the chair. Golem keeps sliding back, afraid of what Zack might do, and as he gets up, Zack LEVELS him with a chairshot!

 

Jesse:"Oh sure, that's the heroic thing to do!"

 

JR:"I don't blame him one bit. Evenflow made this personal, not Zack."

 

Zack, not done yet, pulls the Golem back up, leaning him over the guardrail, and SLAMS the chair across his back! Zack raises the chair up, as the crowd roars their approval, and smashes The Golem in the back again! Zack puts the chair down, and motions to the crowd...he's signalling for...an EVENFLOW DDT?

 

Jesse:"So, JR...you know Evenflow names his DDT's after the number one song on the pop charts. What is it this week?"

 

JR:"Hell if I know."

 

Jesse:"Oh please. I saw the Avril Lavigne poster in your living room at Christmas time."

 

Zack grabs him, and sets him up for the DDT, but Golem blocks the move, and lifts Zack up by his legs...DROPPING HIM CROTCH FIRST ACROSS THE GUARDRAIL! Zack howls in pain, as a woozy Golem falls back to his knees. He crawls over to the steel chair, and grabs it before standing up. Golem holds the chair, and climbs back up on the apron, and now he shows the chair off to the crowd.

 

JR:"What in the world is he thinking of now?"

 

Golem eyes Zack, focusing on him, and LEAPS OFF THE APRON! FLYING CHAIRSHOT ACROSS ZACK'S HEAD!

 

JR:"BAH GAWD, HE'S DEAD! HE'S GOTTA BE BUSTED WIDE OPEN!"

 

Zack falls off the guardrail, into the first row of fans. Golem takes a minute to get his second wind, and then goes looking over the rail for Zack. Malibu is indeed wearing the crimson mask, as some of his fans try to help him up, Golem shoves one down! He then grabs Malibu himself, unceremoniously dumping him over the railing and back to ringside. Golem steps over the railing, and taunts Zack, kicking at his wounded body, and drawing the ire of every fan in attendance. He picks Zack up and rolls him into the ring, and follows right behind him.

 

Zack crawls across the mat, trying to get to the ropes to pull himself up, but Golem bounces off the ropes, and drops an elbow on the back of his neck. He picks Zack up, and lifts him...delayed vertical suplex?...NO...BRAINBUSTER!!!! ZACK IS OUT! Golem nonchalantly covers Malibu...2 COUNT ONLY! ZACK GOT A SHOULDER UP!

 

Golem raises his hands, as if to say "What else can I do?", as Zack lays on the mat, bloody and bruised from the brawl thus far. Golem picks him up, and RAMS his lifeless body backfirst into the corner, then kicks him in the gut several times. Golem lifts Zack up, perching him on the top rope, then slapping the taste out of his mouth! Golem goes up, and sets up for a superplex, but Zack shifts his weight! He won't go with the move! Golem continues to try and lift him, but Zack is able to shove him off the top rope! Golem lands on his feet, but as he comes closer, Zack is ready...TORNADO DDT! ZACK TOOK HIM OUT! Both men lay on the canvas, looking like they've seen better days.

 

Zack is motionless, using his last burst of energy on that high risk manuever. Golem rolls under the bottom rope and out to the floor, first getting up to all fours as he regains his composure. He finally stands, and wanders over to the timekeepers table, where he takes the bell! The timekeeper attempts to stop him, but Golem FLATTENS him with the bell! Golem rolls back in, and Zack, who is starting to recover, does not see him behind him.

 

Golem waits on Zack, as fans yell, hoping that Zack can hear them, that he is waiting on him. Zack pushes himself to stand, and turns around...BELLSHOT...NO, ZACK DUCKS...SCHOOL'S OUT! HE HIT GOLEM WITH SCHOOL'S OUT!

 

The bell falls to the mat, just as Golem does, but Zack falls backwards, strained for energy. He crawls over towards Golem, who is out like a light. He drapes an arm across him for the cover! It's over! 1...2...NO! ZACK ROLLS OFF HIM, BREAKING THE PIN!

 

JR:"Well now, I don't know if that was a good move. Get the win while you can, Zack!"

 

Malibu pushes himself up, and he looks PISSED. He sees Golem laying there, looking down at his former friend, and then sees the ring bell. Zack grabs the bell with one hand, and then reaches down and grabs Golem, pulling him up to his feet. Golem is out on his feet, and Zack looks down at the bell, shocked that Evenflow/Golem would stoop to that. Zack looks back up at Golem, and WHAM! ZACK CRACKS HIM WITH THE BELL! Golem sells it like he's been shot, and Zack hooks the leg...1...2...3! ZACK MALIBU IS THE #1 CONTENDER!

 

"Die Another Day" starts playing, as the fans go wild!

 

Zack doesn't look done, however, as he picks Golem up again.

 

Jesse:"What's he gonna do now, Ross?"

 

Zack starts tugging at Golem's mask, and his former friend is virtually lifeless, too weak to put up a fight. Zack rips off the mask, and we see...James Blonde, OAOAST JOBBER?

 

JR:"WHAT IN THE HELL?"

 

Zack asks for the mic. He's still panting somewhat, out of breath from the match.

 

ZM:"Evenflow...you can't play games forever. I don't want to fight you, but I'm not going to let you cost me my dream. These charades, this attitude...it has to end!"

 

evenflowDDT walks down the ramp, clapping his hands in mock applause.

 

evenflowDDT

"Bravo Zack, I knew you had it in you! The truth is revealed! All it needed was a change of name, and you were all ready to beat the living piss out of me! Does a rose by any other name have as many thorns? You'd best hope not, for your true colors are revealed. Does anyone doubt now what I've said? All Zack cares about is the title. Oh, he wasn't going to fight me, me, NO! He just has to lie to himself to make himself feel better... if you're not going to be honest with anyone else, AT LEAST BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF! C'mon Zack, take a swing at the real me. Like you've always wanted. You've taken everything else from me already, what do you have to lose... but your precious title shot?"

 

ZM:"I'm not losing my title shot. I'm the #1 Contender. You think I can't tell the difference, between some bum and my best friend? I wasn't going to lose that way. I wasn't going to give up the shot I've earned, that I've strived for, for you and your mind games. I'm not going to let you in my head, 'Flow. I'm not going to let you win."

 

EfDDT:"Ah, but Zack, I've already won. I'm in your head. And people may wonder why I gave up my shot. Why I offered up a substitute to be fed to you tonight. The truth is, Zack, I may want that title, but I want you more. I want you to suffer. To have to look over your shoulder at every turn. To know that I'm capable of anything. You may have your shot, Zack, but it's bittersweet. Because between myself or Anglesault, you may not have anyone to share that joy with."

 

EvenflowDDT drops the mic, and retreats back up the ramp slowly. Zack looks on from the ring, worried and bewildered, as we fade out.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

CREDITS (in no particular order)

 

Kotz, Zsasz, Supes, Tony, AS, BPP, Reject, SP, Andrew, Mad Cappa, myself, Mario, Shattered Dreams, PK, Evenflow