The Grandaddy of them all [them being salvage jobs

[Guest BobbyWhioux]

All the speculation on the main forum on how to "repair" Wrestlemania this year in light of all the injuries to big people [i.e. Kurt Angle] has inspired me to throw together this.

 

RAW Tag Title Match: RVD & Kane vs Lance Storm & William Regal

 

Basically a rehash of the Strike Force meltdown at WM5. RVD & Kane are looking good, very impressive, almost dominating, "tonight is finally their night." Until the ref goes down and Regal introduces the knux. RVD "liberates" them from Regal before they can be used; however, he tries to use them himself and pops Kane. Kane is out for several minutes on the arena floor. Match goes on 2 v 1. RVD plays Ricky Morton until, after several minutes to build "Drama" Kane REVIVES~! Crowd roars (or politely applauds) and RVD takes out both men in standard Set Up The Hot Tag fashion. However, Kane just tees off on RVD, beats the crap out of him. And walks off. Regal and Storm collect themselves and toy with RVD a little bit before finishing him off.

 

Champs Retain, Kane has turned heel, RVD hunts him. Possibly RVD can "lose a little cool" and develop a little more character as he hunts Kane afterward. "Hey man, if you had a problem with me, you could've just said something beforehand like a normal person. And I would've been cool with that! But no, you had to be all pissy and passive-aggressive, and turn on me in the middle of a match. And I'm not cool with that..." [delivered with a little more edge and intensity than the usual RVD promo.]

 

SMACKDOWN! Tag Team Titles: Los Guererros vs Team Angle

 

Team Angle have been panicky lately and running around like a headless chicken. They seem lost without Angle's guidance. Guererros win in a semi-squash as Team Angle makes "rookie mistakes" that are their undoing.

 

New Tag Team Champs.

 

CRUISERWEIGHT Title: Matt Hardy v.1 vs.... Shannon Moore

 

After a mini battle royal with all Smackdown cruiserweights a week or two before for a shot at Mattitude's cruiserweight title, in which Shannon Moore pulls off an improbable victory. Mattitude congratulates him on finally showing some of that winning mattitude in the ring, and congratulates himself on setting up an easy night for himself at WM. He figures Shannon Moore will know his role and lay down for Mattitude at WM. Naturally, Shannon Moore, ever excited, decides to show Matt that he REALLY has mattitude and is ready to be a winner, i.e. he takes it to Mattitude and very nearly wins. Match goes back and forth, key moment is a near fall for Shannon on Matt which is VERY close [2.9999] which prompts the timekeeper to win the bell and the music to start playing as Shannon goes for the belt. The referee is Emphatically jumping around and waving 2 fingers in the air, signalling a two count, but nobody pays attention to him. Except Mattitude. Who jumps Shannon, Twist of Fates the crap out of him, wins the match, retains the title, and dumps Shannon for his insubordinate disregard for the Teachings of Mattitude. Later analysis reveals that Matt actually was down for three (barely) but the ref messed up the call. Matt Hardy gets accused of ducking shannon, and winning only on a bad call. Leading to rematch.

 

Champ Retains, barely. Shannon has a chance to get over as a solo babyface. If he takes off, great, if not, no big loss.

 

Test vs Christian

 

This is basically to facilitate Stacy turning on Test to punish him for "cheating on her" at the GGW ppv. Christian has been playing the "tough love" card and the sympathetic devil, wooing Stacy, telling her that "jericho and I never had any problem with you, we just wanted to help you out, we've known Test for a long time, we know what trash he is, and we just didn't want you to get mixed up with trash like Test. Yeah, we were a little rough on you, but interventions are like that sometimes." So basically Stacy is eventually sold on the idea that Christian, not Test, is the one who really cares about her, as opposed to caring about using her to make himself look better (Test). So Test kicks ass until he's about to win, and Stacy swerves him, Unprettier by Christian, match over. This need not be a long match.

 

Chris Jericho vs Shawn Michaels

 

This is SOLEY to reestablish Jericho as a big player and a legend killer of sorts. HBK's job is to put Jericho over. Back and forth "epic" struggle, until HBK hits a dramatic superkick. Dramatic crawl over. 1... 2... KICKOUT. Jericho kicks out of the sweet chin music. Hush falls over crowd, HBK looks shocked and never fully recovers psychologically. Jericho regains upperhand and beats HBK with Walls of Jericho. Announcers sell it like "HBK gave him his best shot and it wasn't enough."

 

Jericho leaves in triumph, HBK remains and calls for the mic and makes an "impromptu" speech about how he gave his all, but he's not as young as he used to be, and maybe he just doesn't have it anymore, and his heart and his soul are focused elsewhere (i.e. his family and on God). HBK says he's retiring, this time for good. Jericho returns and jumps him from behind and beats him up again, grabs the mic and rants about how HBK is trying to taint Jericho's victory. "I beat you, dammit, I beat HBK, and now you're trying to take it away from me, trying to say you didn't want it, that you didn't have it anymore. You're trying to make me look bad! You're trying to make it look like I just beat a has-been! NO! I just beat The Heartbreak Kid, the 3 time world champion, the legend!"

 

[pause]

 

"NOW I'm going to beat up a has-been!" Jericho starts beating him again. Jeff Hardy comes out for the save, Jericho trashes him, too. Test possibly runs down, but if so Christian joins too. Jericho and his little buddy leave everybody busted up.

 

Hulk Hogan vs Vince McMahon

 

Mercifully short match, probably less than a minute. Vince talks a bunch of shit, slaps Hogan in the face, and does mock-Hogan posing. Hogan tears his shirt off (crowd cheers) he throws it at Vince to get his attention, Vince freaks, and Hogan does his usual punches bigfoot Legdrop spiel, 1 2 3.

 

Undertaker & Nathan Jones vs Big Show and A-Train

 

Confine the crap to one match. Undertaker has been "training" Nathan Jones as a wrestler (like Piper and Virgil or some crap like that). Undertaker does his usual invincible bad ass "Taker Mad! Taker Smash!" routine, and nobody is harmed, because it's A-Train and Big Show being dominated, so so what? Taker gets the fall to continue his WM streak. If Jones has shown some promise, he can jump Undie after the match and start THAT feud, if not he can be kept on the apron and deliberately overshadowed.

 

WOMEN'S TITLE: Jazz vs Victoria

Special Guest Ref: Steven Richards

 

For some bizarre reason (i.e. we won't bother with a promo to explain it) Jazz still kinda trusts Steven Richards, sorta. So after his failed attemps to get the girls in his life to quit fighting, he says "if you're gonna fight, at least let me try to mediate" and gets himself made referee. He's actually impartial until Victoria starts kicking serious ass. Then he eggs her on and encourages her to finish Jazz off (sucking up to the frontrunner, and aligning with the dominant female). He badmouths Jazz and writes her off, beliving Victoria has cinched the match. But she hasn't. Jazz rallies and wins, and Steven finds himself on the wrong side. He tries to get back on Jazz's good side, but fails. She beats him up and leaves with the belt.

 

RAW World Title: Booker T. vs Triple H

 

The time has come for The Game to come to an end. Buildup to the match plays up a desperate Cerebral Assassin trying to hastily come up with a new plan because his troops are gone (Orton and Batista's injuries are mentioned). Booker calls him out and says he ain't so tough without his boys. Triple H buries Evolution in his promo, "The Game Never needed them, they're just hangers on, they were lucky to be allowed in the presence of the game." Match rolls around and Booker T has the edge until the ref goes down and Evolution rears its ugly head. Flair, and possibly Batista and Orton (if they can limp out on crutches) attack, but not very effectively. Booker looks beat, but Goldust runs in to make the save and fights off Evolution or they bail. Triple H punks out Goldust and goes back to a beaten Booker T. He thinks he's got him. pedigree time, but no! Reversal! Booker T hits his big moves and pins Triple H. Basically a babyface title victory with a moral: Triple H, who dissed his friends in their time of ill-health, is punished, while Booker T, who stuck by his friend Goldust even when it wasn't profitable for either of them, is rewarded. Friends stick by friends, lackeys flee the sinking ship and go off tv for 6 months to rest injured body parts.

 

Booker T new champ (finally)

 

Now, things get murky:

 

If Goldberg signs: We do Goldberg vs Austin for the big "dream" match. The Rock is pulled out of that feud. He goes to Smackdown (he can, he's The Rock, remember that reference to favors for and by Vince?) and goes for REVENGE! against Brock Lesnar, who has been hotshotted to the Smackdown World Title in the wake of Angle's neck injury. Chris Benoit is basically fucked. He either wrestles Rhyno in a convoluted Heyman surprise, or wrestles John Cena for a shot at Lesnar.

 

Brock defeats Rock [who goes away to movie land again]

Benoit defeats Rhyno

 

OR

 

Rock defeats Brock (by cheating in the standard heel fashion, and sticks around a little longer and makes me a very entertained little heel mark)

Benoit defeats Cena (Benoit vs Rock and Cena vs Brock at Backlash)

 

Goldberg defeats Austin.

 

If Goldberg Does Not Sign:

 

The Rock vs Austin

Brock vs Benoit

 

Cena is out in the cold, maybe makes a ringside cameo around the Smackdown world title match.

 

The Rock is going to stay around past Wrestlemania, in which case it's time for The Rock to beat Austin, finally.

 

Benoit wins the title from Brock. Face vs. face, with the sportsmanship ending, because the fans need to go home with a happy ending for one of the goodguys.

 

OR

 

Benoit sells out to Heyman to turn heel and cheat to beat Brock Lesnar. Benjamin and Haas decide to become "Team Benoit" and follow a new messiah.

 

Then, to send the fans home happy, Stone Cold beats The Rock and throws beer cans around while The Rock retreats to Hollywood again.