The Road to Anglemania II - 3/8/03

[Guest The Superstar]

OAOAST Road to Anglemania II

March 8, 2003

 

Pyro EXPLODES~! And the crowd goes crazy as OAOAST Road to Anglemania is officially ON! The camera surveys over the sold out crowd, focusing on signs like “Agnes: Next OAOAST Champion!” and “I want Zack to P.O.P. My Cherry!” (Held by a woman, of course) as we head over to the announce table with everyone’s favorite team, Michael Cole and Jonathon Coachman!

 

 

Cole: Hello everyone and welcome to THE ROAD TO ANGLEMANIA~! I’m Michael Cole…

Coach: And I’m DA COACH! Prepare for an action packed ride today, as we’re only THREE WEEKS away from AngleMania II!

 

Cole: And speaking of AngleMania II, one of the big feuds heading into it is the Dream Machines and Boogie Knights 2k3.

Coach: Hey, I’m unofficially a Boogie Knight, too! Girls love it when I hit up the beat like ‘ooh, oh, yeah, uh!’

Cole: … Let’s head to the ring, where the Boogie Knights are going to take on quite the, um…interesting tag team.

 

“The Devil is a DJ" by the D-Devils hits as the Boogie Knights Max Zorin and Kotzenjunge make their way to the ring with massive boos. Max Zorin gets in the ring and asks for the mike.

 

“All you lucky people out there are going to watch Kotz and me take these guys out flawlessly, and then we’re going to take all your sisters out and show them something else that’s flawless!”

 

The Dreamy malfunctions La Crasha Your Car and Wet Dream nervously come down to the ring with only a few cheers.

 

Kotz and Dream start out, with Kotz getting a good couple of stiff kicks on Dream and a snap suplex. Dream comes back with a couple of stiff rights, but gets caught coming off the ropes with a powerslam.

 

Cole: Man, right when you think the underdogs are going to mount some offense, the Boogie Knights stop them dead in their tracks.

 

Kotz tags out to Zorin who climbs to the top rope and does his robot dance to a chorus of boos. The Dream tries to get up only to be hit with a stiff kick to the head, Zorin then drags Dream over to his corner to let LCYC tag in. LCYC goes straight for Zorin only to be met with a Yakuza kick.

 

Coach: Beautiful Yakuza Kick by Zorin, and La Crasha Your Car may be OUT COLD~!

 

Zorin does his robo dance and then drops a leg across the throat of LCYC.

 

Coach: Hey! Back in college, I made that dance FAMOUS~!

Cole: You also drastically lowered the mean penis size at college, but you never seem to mention that.

Coach: …

 

Zorin begins to pick up LCYC, but instead gets hit with a low blow. The referee doesn’t see it and LCYC gets a vertical suplex.

 

Cole: The underdogs are FINALLY mounting a comeback! Victory may be theirs!

 

He goes for some elbow drops but misses on the third. Zorin gets up and hits a BIG lariat and climbs to the top rope. Kotz runs over to take out Wet Dream while Zorin hits the moonsault on LCYC. 1…2….3, it’s over.

 

Winners: Boogie Knights 2k3 (via a Zorin Moonsault on La Crasha Your Car)

 

Coach: What a win for the Boogie Knights heading into AngleMania II.

Cole: I think they’re taking the Dream Machines too lightly. In 22 days, The Parka and Shattered Dreams will bring EVERYTHING to the table.

 

Kotz gets on the stick, “Dream Machines, Anglemania, you’re gonna take a dance with the Boogie Knights, and it’s gonna be murder on the dance floor”

 

The Boogie Knights 2k3 leave the ring with there opponents laying out cold in the ring.

 

Cole: I’m getting word that there’s something backstage. Let’s check it out!

 

::They go backstage as The Mad Cappa and Vince Rusco discuss some issues.::

 

The Mad Cappa: "Just why did you throw that open challenge?"

 

Vince Rusco: "Shush! It's time the OAOAST take notice of who you are! You are no pushover! You are The Mad Cappa! I can see it now! Imagine this with me! OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion The Mad Cappa! This will be you someday!"

 

TMC: But I need to pay my dues first!"

 

VR: "Bah! You can easily take one of these punks just like that! (Snaps his fingers) Besides, who says you can't take short cuts! With me, you are gonna' go places! Just trust me kid. Just trust me!"

 

::Camera fades as it zooms on Vince Rusco's face.::

 

Coach: At any rate, The Mad Cappa will be in action, and oh yeah…it’s NEXT~!

 

(Commercial)

[Guest The Superstar]

THE MAD CAPPA VS. PHAT JOE

 

We return from commercial break as Final Audition plays out on the loudspeakers. Ten seconds later, the song changes to Ode to Joy as The Mad Cappa and Vince Rusco come out to a small amount of boos! The Mad Cappa shrugs and wonders why his music changed. The announcers discuss about who will answer the open challenge for this coming Intense Zone.

 

Vince grabs the mic and says, "That better not be boos I hear!" The crowd boos! Rusco continues, "Every time I get on, I demand RESPECT! Now, everybody CHEER me!" There are more boos from the crowd! Rusco finishes off, "Bah, you all suck!" The boos get louder!

 

Coach: Doesn’t seem like the crowd appreciates Rusco and his antics.

 

The lights turn green as Phat Joe comes out to Dr. Greenthumb by Cypress Hill to a decent amount of cheers from the crowd.

 

Cole: Yo…dude…dis…pimp daddy…is…phat.

Coach: Fluidly, Cole, fluidly!

 

The bell sounds. The Mad Cappa offers a handshake to Phat Joe. However, Vince Rusco tells him not to do that and attack him instead! Joe kicks the hand away. Cappa clutches his right hand in pain. Joe starts kicking away on Cappa to a corner. Joe tries a chop on Cappa, but Cappa ducks and dropkicks him to the turnbuckle. Cappa quickly starts chopping away on Joe. Joe gets knocked down as Cappa climbs the turnbuckle. Cappa then does a legdrop from the top turnbuckle!

 

Cole: Wow! What a high risk maneuver by The Mad Cappa!

 

Cappa goes for the cover, but Rusco tells him not to go for the cover and hit him some more! However, Cappa ignores Rusco and goes for the cover anyway. Joe kicks out at two as he does a windmill into a drop toe hold on Cappa! Joe holds on as applies an STF! Cappa tries to go for the ropes. So, Vince pushes the rope to Cappa.

 

Coach: That damn Vince Rusco! Can’t he let Cappa fight his own battles?

 

Joe lets go as soon as Cappa grabs a hold on the ropes for the break. Joe kicks Cappa down a couple of times. However, on the last kick, Cappa grabs hold of Joe's left leg on the mat to trip Joe down to the mat! Cappa tries to get Joe into the walls of Jericho, but Joe reverses it into a rollup pin!

 

Coach: This could be it! Upset! Upset!

Cole: 1…2…NO!! Cappa barely escapes!

 

Cappa then does a desperate clothesline on Joe. Rusco tells Cappa to get out to regroup. Cappa rolls out of the ring and huddles with Rusco. The ref starts a countout. Rusco distracts the ref as Cappa rolls back in. Joe tries to clothesline Cappa, but Cappa ducks as he stops right behind Joe to do the final cut. He continues on with a legdrop. Then he does two more legdrops. Joe slowly gets back up as Cappa bounces off the rope. Cappa comes back with THE IMPACT! Joe gets knocked out.

 

Cole: THE IMPACT! That HAS to be it!

 

1…2…3!!!

 

Coach: It’s over! The Mad Cappa wins!

 

Winner: The Mad Cappa (via THE IMPACT!)

 

The Final Audition plays as Rusco comes in the ring. The Mad Cappa and Vince Rusco celebrate the victory. Rusco takes out his cane and starts to beat down on Joe as the Final Audition stops playing. The crowd boos. Rusco tells Cappa to help in the beatdown since Joe refused his handshake. Cappa then helps out Rusco in the beatdown to more boos from the crowd. The ref tells Cappa and Rusco to vacate the ring. They leave to loud boos from the crowd. At the top of the set, Rusco flicks off the crowd.

 

Cole: Well folks, when we come back, we’ll see none other than Hot NewzWIRE~! In action!

Coach: Wait, what’s that sound I here? It couldn’t be…

 

"Simply Ravishing" hits as Tony "The Body" heads to the ring, still wearing a bandage on his head.

 

Cole: Tony! Tony! Tony “The Body” is here at Road to Anglemania!!

 

Tony: You know, sometimes in life you meet people you think are there to help, only to find out there lying backstabbing sons of bitches. That's exactly what Superstar is. He's brought in to join team OAOAST for War Games, then the guy gets a big head. Instead of being a team player, he starts to believe the spotlight is on him. His actions could of cost us all a job.

 

Two weeks ago on the Intense Zone, I arrive at the arena, and I get attacked by him in the parking lot. Then, last week, Superstar goes to one of my manison he knows I'm not at, and burns the damn place down. That's the last straw right there. If somebody would of been inside that house, they would of died. Yeah, that could of created a "Kane" like character, but you crossed a line no man should.

 

Superstar, it's time to end this, once and for all. I say at AngleMania II, we have ourselves a little "respect match." I know you're backstage, probably hiding, but accept the challenge... if you dare.

 

Coach: OH MY GOODNESS~! Will Superstar accept this ‘respect’ match challenge?

 

Freddy Krueger is seen sitting at a desk.

 

Freddy: Oh Hello, nice camera man! Welcome to the Brand New ¡§Freddy¡¦s people.¡¨

The show where we help anyone in need of our assistance. All you have to do is email us at [email protected]. Today our first letter comes from someone who I have kicked the shit out of repeatedly. This is from the Sandman:

 

Dear FreddY:

 

KILL ROB BLACK! KILL ROB BLACK! KILL ROB BLACK!

 

 

Do it! I'll just dig him up and kill him again later! Fun for the whole family!

 

FUCK WHO?

 

FUCK ROB BLACK!

 

FUCK WHO?

 

FUCK ROB BLACK!

 

FUCK WHO?

 

FUCK ROB BLACK!

 

Signed,

Sandman 9k

 

P.S. Ban Agnes

 

 

 

 

Freddy: All right we will fulfill your request this week, but remember if you want something done, email us at [email protected]. (Just PM Elv1s)

 

Freddy takes the camera man into a van, where the other two Faces of Fear are inside.

 

Freddy: Off to XPW! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!

 

They group finally arrives at The Olympic Auditoruim. Jason kicks down a door, and the group walks inside.

 

Freddy: Shhhhhhhh!!!! I think he is in here.

 

The Shape pulls the door off of the hinges, and we see Rob Black at a desk.

 

Rob: Hey I know you guys, you are the Faces of Fear from that one indy fed that¡¦s kicking my ass in the ratings.

Freddy: We are here to jump ship to XPW. We are leaving because Agnes threatened to um¡K¡K¡K¡Krape us!

Rob: That¡¦s a shame.

 

Rob pulls out, a contract and some pens. Freddy grabs the first one, and starts signing. Suddenly he stops, and he stabs Rob Black in the throat.

 

Freddy: We were sent by the OAOAST to get rid of all the crap in the world.

 

Freddy slams his head on the desk. Jason powerbombs him through the desk, and all three men stomp him.

 

Freddy: Camera man, join in!

 

The camera man joins in on the beatdown of Rob Black. Jason grabs him by the throat, and slams him into the wall. The Shape repeatedly stabs him. Jason then grabs Rob, and uses the Cranium Crunch on him, until his eyes pop out. Jason puts him down.

 

Freddy: Well this is a job well done, stay tuned next week, for another of freddy¡¦s people.

 

Everyone stomps Rob¡¦s corpse as the camera cuts off.

 

(Commercial)

[Guest The Superstar]

Hot NewzWIRE~! Vs. Sac Attack

 

Coach: Well folks, the next match will be…shall we say... ‘most unique.’

Cole: Oh, you betcha. Hot NewzWIRE~! Came to us earlier to day and asked that no one commentate on his match, for he would do it HIMSELF! So folks, enjoy the OAOAST In-ring debut of everyone’s favorite NEWZ reporter, Hot NewzWIRE~!

 

“DIS IS HOT NEWZWIRE~!” DA CROWD GOEZ CRZAIU AS “GOOD NEWZ” hitz and I wlka dwon to da ring 4 me MATCH! Da crowd tis going CRAZEEEEe cuz heyt THINK HOT NEWSZWIRE (ME) IS KEWL~!!!11111 PULS DEY LIKE SOMEHTING CORPERATE SINGING MY MUSIC TIS KWL 2!!!1 I HOLD ME NEWZPAPER A MICROPHONE!!111

 

In da ring si GAY Sac Attack who is knida like my MTACH 4 ANGELMANIA< ZAC KATTACK~!11

 

Da bell ringz and I hit him wit a CLOTESLINE! I grab his UNHAIRY LEGZ and give him da NO SPIN ZONE!!!!!!!!!! And the crowd si oing CRAZEEEE~!!!!1 Sac tries tu COMEBACK with punches, but I KNEE him in da GUT and give him da MASTER DEBATOR!!!!!!1 HE MAY BE OUTCOLD!111 I cover: 1…2..NO! LMAO, I lifted him UP!!!

 

Hwo ever, he kix me in da SHIN and runz to da top ROPE. He cums off, bt I catch HIM! CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE SLAMMMMMMMMM!111111111111

 

NWO I GO 2 DA SECUND ROPE>…….BREAKING NEWZ CORSS BODY BLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WHIP HIM INTO DA REOPES….LIVE AT DA SCENE BIG BOOT~! I CLAP ME HANDS AND DA CROWD CLAPS ND CHEERS @!!!!

 

ITZ TIME FOR DA PRERECORDED INTERVIEW!!!!!!!!! (LEGDROP!!!!!!!!)!!!!!!111 SAC ATTACK MAYBE OUTCOLD@!!!@ HWOEVER TO MAKE SURE I GIVE HIMD A WORKRATE CHINLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE FIGHTS IT SORTA< SO I CAHNGE IT @ DA ENTERTAINMENT STF@!!!!!!! I THEN LET GO AND WAT FOR HIM TO GET UP….

 

EXTRA EXTRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1.,……..2222…………….3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WINZ! HOT NEWZWIRE WINZ!~!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

Winner!!!!!!!!: ME! (HOT NEWZWIRE~!) via DA EXTRA EXTRA STUNNER!!!!!1

 

Cole: Um…yes, that was quite the match, wasn’t it.

Coach: I think the entire thing speaks for itself.

 

Backstage, Tony “The Body” is heading into his limo to retire from the day…when THE SUPERSTAR runs after him and NAILS him in the back of the head with a WRENCH! Tony crumbles to the ground, and Superstar continues to malevolently use that wrench on Tony’s neck, back, and face!

 

“You want to call me a backstabbing son of a bitch?”

 

Tony is now a bloody mess.

 

”IT’S YOU THAT’S RUNNING THE OAOAST TO THE GROUND! YOU’RE THE SOURCE OF ALL MY FRUSTRATION! And Tony…”

 

Superstar FINALLY stops beating on the lifeless “Body.”

 

“You say you want a ‘respect’ match so badly. That’s not good enough for me. I hate you more than I hate ANYTHING in the world! Why would I want to fight the man whom I despise more than Big Poppa Popick, for just respect? Tony, I want you to put your entire OAOAST CAREER ON THE LINE AT ANGLEMANIA. You supposedly have a legacy here. Well, that legacy will come to an END in 22 days, because with my own hands, I will TAKE THE LIFE OF TONY “THE BODY” FROM THE OAOAST…FOREVER!”

 

And with that, Superstar hits Tony one more time with the wrench, and walks away.

 

Cole: Oh my God! Superstar just challenged Tony “The Body” to put his entire CAREER on the line at AngleMania!

Coach: What a cowardly, heartless son of a BITCH The Superstar is!

 

Cole: In fact, speaking of The Superstar, he’s in action NEXT, against none other than the NWA: TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Jeff Jarrett!

 

(Commercial)

[Guest The Superstar]

The Superstar vs. NWA: TNA Champion Jeff Jarrett (non-title match)

 

Coach: Folks, this is fixing to be a HUGE match, as this is Jarrett’s first appearance in the OAOAST.

Cole: And I think we’ll be able to see just how good The Superstar is.

 

“Big Long Now” by Nirvana hits, and the crowd fills the arena with jeers as The Superstar makes his way out, a minute and a half into the song, as “In this climb/I am blind” echoes. He cockily struts to the ring, pissing off the fans merely with his presence.

 

“Cowboy” hits and the crowd goes crazy for NWATNA Champion and defender of tradition, Jeff Jarrett! He rushes to the ring, and the match is on!

 

Superstar intercepts Jarrett coming into the ring, and lays it into him with punches and kicks to the back. However, Jarrett reverses a whip, but telegraphs a backdrop, allowing Superstar to hit another clubbing blow to the neck, and nail a neckbreaker! Superstar taunts the crowd, instead of covering.

 

Cole: That could’ve been a mistake by The Superstar.

Coach: Pins can only wear down your opposition; I don’t know why The Superstar isn’t going for any.

 

Superstar lifts up Jarrett for a high angle back suplex, but Jarrett flips out and gets one of his own! Superstar holds his neck in pain, as Jarrett immediately launches back with stomps. He whips Superstar hard into the turnbuckle, and unloads with knife-edge chops. However, Superstar gets a thumb to the eye, and while Jarrett is distracted, takes off the turnbuckle pad!

 

Coach: DAMN that Superstar for always having to cheat!

 

Jarrett, however, comes back with a few punches, but Superstar stops him with the WELL PLACED KICK TO THE NUTS~! Jarrett falls to the mat, and Superstar locks in the MAIN EVENT SLEEPER! Jarrett is slowly fading…the ref checks for the KO: arm drops once…..twice…..but it DOESN’T DROP A THIRD TIME! Superstar is in shock as Jarrett fights out, and gives him a DDT!

 

Cole: Jarrett is mounting a comeback! The end could be near for The Superstar!

 

Jarrett covers: 1…2…NO! Superstar tries to use some chops for his advantage, but a Cross corner whip is REVERSED, and Superstar goes into the EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE! Jarrett puts Superstar on top……SUPERPLEX!!!!!! Jarrett covers: 1…2…NO! Jeff Jarrett picks The Superstar up, and sets him up for THE STROKE! However, Superstar stops this with a shot to the midsection, and with Jarrett doubled over, runs to the ropes…THE DOWNFALL~!

 

Coach: Dammit! The Downfall!

Cole: This should spell the end for Jeff Jarrett!!

 

Superstar covers: 1…2…3!!!!

 

Winner: The Superstar (via the Downfall)

 

However, The Superstar isn’t done. He picks Jarrett up, and audibly, yells, “Tony, this one’s for you!!” He then whips Jarrett into the ropes…OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE~! Superstar walks backstage to huge jeers.

 

Cole: I can’t believe The Superstar. I hope he gets his at AngleMania!

Coach: What I want to know is why doesn’t Superstar put HIS career on the line?

Cole: Because he’s a damn coward, that’s why.

 

(Commercial)

[Guest The Superstar]

The Indy Faction vs. Team Angle & Brian Kendrick

 

“777” by Danzig hits and out comes OAOAST newcomer K Money, accompanied by Josie, leading the participants in the following six man tag to the ring: The Indy Faction, Paul London, AJ Styles, and Scoot Andrews!

 

“Medal” hits and out come the WWE Tag Team Champions, Team Angle, Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas, and Brian Kendrick!

 

Cole: The Indy Faction, lead by K Money, is hoping to make a huge OAOAST debut by facing off with the WWE Tag Team Champs, and Brian Kendrick.

Coach: Don’t count the WWE contingent out. They’re not the Tag Champions for nothing.

 

Styles starts out with Benjamin, as they go through the feeling out process. Styles grabs a headlock, but Benjamin whips him into the ropes, and gets a shoulderblock. However, as Benjamin runs to the ropes, Styles pops right up with a big clothesline, and tags in Paul London. London fires right hands on Shelton, and cross-corner whips the Champion. However, Shelton gets a boot up on a blind charge, and dropkicks London down, before tagging in Haas.

 

Coach: Fast paced action in the early stages of this contest!

 

Haas immediately takes London down, amateur-style, and works a front facelock. London powers out, and hits a Northern Lights Suplex!

 

Cole: Beautiful vertical suplex by London! Oh my!

 

Cover: 1…2…NO! London whips Haas into the ropes, and gives him a backdrop, before tagging in Scoot Andrews! Andrews immediately hits a beautiful spinning heel kick on Haas, but Haas catches the leg, and gives Andrews a capture suplex! Haas gives Andrews a stalling vertical suplex.

 

Cole: GREAT Northern Lights Suplex by Charlie Haas!

 

Haas whips Scoot into his corner, and tags in Brian Kendrick. Kendrick immediately goes to work on Scoot with forearms, and gives him a nice dropkick. Scoot immediately scurries to his corner, and tags in Paul London again. London ducks a Kendrick charge, and takes him down with a DDT! He sets Brian up for the London Calling, but Charlie Haas comes in a chop blocks the knee of London, stopping the move from taking place.

 

Coach: Smart move by Charlie Haas.

Cole: Teamwork like that lets you know exactly why they’re champions.

 

With London down, Kendrick climbs to the top rope…LEFT TURN AT ALBUQUERQUE! Cover: 1…2…K MONEY BREAKS UP THE PIN! Irate, Kendrick goes for a slingshot cross body to the outside on K Money, but K grabs him and drops him onto the barricade, before sending him back into the ring!

 

Cole: What a smart guy this K Money is!

Coach: Not to mention how HOT Josie is!

 

London locks in an armbar on Kendrick, but he finally fights out, and London tags in Styles, and Kendrick tags in HAAS! The two immediately go at it, but as Styles goes for a powerbomb, Haas goes behind him, trips him up, and locks in the Haas of Pain! Styles looks like he’s going to tap, until Josie distracts the referee, and K Money comes in the ring, and breaks up the pin! With the rest of the Indy Faction brawling with Benjamin and Kendrick, K gives Haas the MONEY CLIP~! Styles goes up top…SPIRAL TAP~!!!!

 

Cole: What a move!

Coach: Thanks to K Money, naturally.

 

1….2….3!!!!

 

Winners: The Indy Faction (via a Money Clip and Spiral Tap on Charlie Haas)

 

Cole: Give the major assist to K Money there.

Coach: Hey, whatever it takes to win!

Cole: Well, up next…hey wait a minute, what the hell!?

 

Out of NOWHERE, HiV (High Five) rushes to the ring!

 

Coach: What the…? Messiah, Trent Acid, Johnny Kashmere, and B-Boy! What are they doing here?

 

We immediately find out what they’re doing, as Acid DRILLS Paul London with a Yakuza Kick! Scoot Andrews charges at Johnny Kashmere, but gets a Cradlebreaker for his troubles! Styles ducks a B-Boy kick, and goes for the Styles Clash, but B-Boy hits a low blow, and nails Styles with a sick CROSS SPECIAL BRAINBUSTER~! K Money marches up to Messiah, and asks just what the HELL he’s doing! Money slaps Messiah…bad idea. One GODSMACK~! Later, HiV stands tall in the OAOAST ring!

 

Cole: HiV has caused MASS DESTRUCTION in their OAOAST debut!

Coach: But wait…who’s coming down the ramp…oh my GOD…it’s ANGLESAULT~!!!!

 

Sure enough, “Dream On” hits and the OAOAST World Champion comes marching to the ring, with his Sledgehammer! HiV try to fight him off, but Sault attacks all of them with his sledge! HiV goes backstage to fight another day, and Sault is still in the ring, when he sees K Money getting up. K thanks Anglesault for saving them, and offers a handshake. Sault takes it…and PULLS K MONEY RIGHT INTO A SWEET EMOTION SUPLEX~! As K Money recovers from that, Anglesault SLEDGES K MONEY RIGHT IN THE HEAD, SENDING HIM ALL THE WAY OUT OF THE RING!!

 

Anglesault, alone in the ring, holds his Title belt high, and yells “MINE!”

 

Coach: Wow. With one word, Anglesault has made a huge impact at today’s Road to Anglemania.

Cole: Anglesault looks like he’s becoming more and more paranoid as the days to AngleMania count down!

Coach: Speaking of AngleMania, let’s run down the card, shall we?

 

 

Madison Square Garden

 

Main Event

 

OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship: Zack Malibu vs. Winner of Anglesault vs. Angle-plex

 

Big Poppa Popick vs. ??? for the #1 contendership

 

OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship: Anglesault © vs. Angle-plex

 

Tokyo Dome

 

Main Event

 

Sandman9000 vs. The Purist

 

OAOAST North American Championship: Thunderkid © vs. Andrew “Your Hero” Hyland

 

OAOAST X Championship: Reject © vs. Mr. ZsasZ

 

Saddledome

 

Main Event

 

“Respect Match”: The Superstar vs. Tony “The Body”

 

JINGUS vs. Mario Logan

 

OAOAST Tag Team Championship: TBA.

----------------------------------------------------------

Cole: So as you can see, AngleMania will be, by far, the best OAOAST pay-per-view offering EVER~!

Coach: And up next, in our main event, ANGLE-PLEX~!

 

::Shattered Dreams is seen backstage talking on a pay phone::

 

SD: Yeah, we have a match for Anglemania. With the BK3. Kotz and Zorin.

 

::person on the other end asks a question::

 

SD: Huh? I don't know how big Kotz's schlong is. I imagine its pretty small. All those glow sticks and flashing lights can cause shrinkage. Don't tell anyone, but I heard Zorin stuffs his pants. Then I heard he stuffs Kotz's ass! I'm so funny and witty!

 

::person asks another question::

 

SD: Of course we can beat them! Listen baby, I'm an international MEGASTAR! A cross-country celebrity. A world wide icon! My very face can send normally calm women into fits of uncontrolled orgasms. I can achieve anything! The BK3 aint no thang.

 

:: An old lady taps SD on his shoulder::

 

Old Lady: Young man may I use that communication device

 

SD: In a second, Agnes. Agnes? I made another funny! God, I need to write these down!

 

::SD focuses his attention back on the phone call::

 

Old Lady: Please, young man may I use that communication device.

 

SD: Hey Grandma. Shut your mouth!

 

::The old lady grabs the phone out of SD's hand and hangs it up::

 

SD: Do you know who that was? That was, the most influential man in Hollywood! That was Frank Stallone! You hung up on Frank Stallone. Nobody hangs up on Frank Stallone! I'm going to beat your....

 

::The old lady superkicks SD, who falls to the floor. The old lady then rips off her jacket, her wig, her glasses and her MASK to reveal that she's was Kotzenjunge in drag!::

 

Kotz: No one stuffs my ass but Kylie! And that's only on special occasions. You think that you're the better dancer? Watch this!

 

::Kotz does the electric slide!::

 

Kotz: After we beat you at Anglemania, we'll be dancing on your graves.

 

::Kotz moonwalks away::

 

::Scene fades to black::

 

(Commercial)

[Guest The Superstar]

Angle-plex~! Vs. Quiz

 

3…2…1… “WHOO HOO~!” Song 2 blares through the arena and the crowd goes absolutely apeshit as Angle-plex, DA BOMB~! Comes to the ring!

 

Already in the ring is Quiz, who is NOT Test, in case you were wondering. He is your typical big man, tall, muscular, with NICE HAIR~!

 

As Angle-plex comes to the ring, Quiz immediately tries to take the advantage, but it doesn’t faze DA BOMB! AP immediately fires back with hard punches, whips Quiz into the ropes, and gives him the belly to back SLAM!

 

Coach: AP is a HOUSE OF FIRE in this match!

Cole: As some loser who writes NWATNA reports would say, “House…En…FUEGO~!”

 

AP immediately catches Quiz with a sidewalk slam, and brings him to the turnbuckle for more abuse! After chops, punches, and kicks, AP drags Quiz to the middle of the ring for a beautiful Hanging Vertical Suplex!

 

Coach & Cole: FEEL~ THE BLOOD RUSHING TO THE HEAD~!

 

AP drops a BICEP KISSING ELBOW~ and goes for the cover, but as the ref starts counting, Agnes gets off of Quiz and starts doing Push-ups in the ref’s face!! AP picks Quiz up and gives him a GO-RILLA press slam! As AP waits for Quiz to get up, he KISSES~ his bicep again, and when Quiz is on his feet…THE MUSHROOM CLOUD~!!!!!

 

1…2…3~!!!

 

Cole: Angle-plex wins! What a big win! HE REALLY IS DA BOMB~!

Coach: He’s destined to thrill cause he’s got MAD SKILL~!

Cole: I think you’d better stick to HIM saying that.

 

Winner: Angle-plex~! (via the Mushroom Cloud)

 

After the match, Angle-plex grabs the mic!

 

“This goes to everyone in the OAOAST that wants a shot at me, including you, Anglesault! Tic tock…tic tock…your time is up, so suck my Co…”

 

Cole: Whoa whoa whoa! Cut off his mic! There we go. Well folks, that’s all for this weekend’s edition of The Road to Anglemania!

Coach: That’s right, and AngleMania II is only 22 days away. If you haven’t ordered it yet, do so…NOW!

Cole: For The Coach, I’m Michael Cole, see you NEXT WEEK~!

 

[Guest The Superstar]

© 2002 OAOAST Productions, Inc.

 

God

 

The Superstar

 

Writers

 

The Superstar

The Mad Cappa

Zorin Industries

Shattered Dreams

Elv1s

Hot NewzWIRE~!

 

 

THANKS~! Feedback can be posted here.

[Guest Angle-plex]

HotNewzWire = Hilarious

 

Awesome show. Hopefully OAOAST HeldDOWN will have this same type of feel to it.

[Guest The Superstar]

Thanks Agnes...

 

No feedback? Alright then

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Already in the ring is Quiz, who is NOT Test, in case you were wondering.

 

Ahh, methinks I'm going to miss HeldDOWN~! And I'm not even on it yet... or am I? Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.... ::checks roster split thread:: damn.

[Patty O'Green 0]

SS, who writes in the commentary? You or the person who writes the match?

[Guest The Superstar]

I do.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

I'm proud of SD and Zorin. Good advancements, yo. I'm glad I waited to be surprised about the cross-dressing.

[Patty O'Green 0]

If you liked the skit, you'll love the match I wrote for the upcoming IZ. Sadly, It doesn't feature any cross-dressing. but from where I sit, it does a good job of advancing our feud.

[Guest SP-1]

So what happens if the MWC somehow wind up in the Tag Title hunt? Will Jingy wrestle twice in one night?

[Guest ZACK ATTACK~!]

My Road 2 Anglemania Review, by ZACK ATTACK~!

 

hey guyz sory about misin iz i evne got a leter aobut it:

 

Dear Mr. ATTACK~!,

How can you consider yourself yourself to be a journalist of any intergrity when you are 3 days late on one column and completely neglect another? I'm not even going to begin on your lack of any proper grammar or sentence structure.

 

- Andrew S. Borid

 

ok mr borING 1irst off u spelred INTEGRITY rong u fukcin jackoff 2econd off stfu wtf do u kno abotu writnig itaek a class so i kno more den u ok?!?! ha u r teh one who isnt a journelist of INTEGRITY ur probly just some stupid markz wihinig cuz i tel it liek it is and yer like it cant be liek dat kevin nash is kewl and im all UR WRONG BICTH~!

 

sory im a bit mad cuz so mad it make me trani harder better feaster strongr and nto get a reveiw in time cuz well ull see latre but how am i suposed to taek u seriously wen u cant even spell wordz rite ya kno?

 

1 - boogy knites 2k3 vs da dreamy malfucntions - oaoast takes it OL SKOOL BABEEEEEEEEEE tihs is liek in da old promotionz theyd get midgits wihth copyrited namez and put on a faek mathc 2 preveiw a big match like theyd have teh sheik vs abdollO da midgit butcher instead of abdollA da crfazy black doood butcher for da lihgst out title i tihnk i read online taht la crahsa your car is actualy anglesaults couzin lionsault inder da mask wihch makez snes cuz he sux azzzzzzzzz can tbeleive he got a contractwet dream tho tahtz funny shiz rite there anyway maz xorinz kixin azz w style n robotz til lionsault haz to cheat but omg he sux so bad he cant even cheet proprely 1 2 3 max and kotzgengune win not a bad opner and i liek da OL SKPOOL BABEEEEEEEE preveiw cant weait 2 see tehse 2 i mean 4 LOL go at it *****

 

2 - mad capa n his managre are arguin and capas like i gotta pay my duez cuz hez a true skool wrestlre but rusco is al yer dad is robret capa so u dont gota pay duez and so hez all BICTH~! and beatz da crap outa phat jo and sez im all sofisticaetd so im gona have classical music litle nown fact capaz like a genyus in real life hez even smatrer den bobby da brain he talx 2 da rode agentz and suhc wondre if thatz gona get him a push if not hez gona have 2 get oen da OK SKOOOOOL BABEEEEE way w da IMPACT for 1 2 3 not bad but i tink da crowd wouldnt hate capa so muhc if he had a tidffernt managre cuz u can tell hez goin thru da motionz but hes stil porety kewl *****

 

3 - tonid a body cumz out and sez superstars gotz a big head cuz of war gamez OMG~! ITZ TMI~! seirouly how doez tony kno dat LOL hez probly some sicko in raeli life 2 LOL and derz da macth for angelmnain 2 slipupz liek dat r so hilaryous 2 me *****

 

4 - freddyz peepz - ok dun qoute me on diz but i herd ruorz dat a fredy vs bob england dark macth at angelmanya cuz bob engaldn waz like yo oaoast brazz yer stelain my gimik yo and mario logan waz on heat bakcstage but den dey negotated and set up dis match but itz a dark match cuz dey dint get da reights to put it on ppv yet cfuz deyre tryin 2 get rid o da faecs of fear cuz dey r suhc crapy workerz to dat i say but what about anglesalt LOL *****

 

5 - HotNewzWIRE~! vs sac atack - tihs iz waht got me so mad cuz i mean wtf i wasnt even axed abotu duis by hotn4ewz or da oaoast iz liek i aint no midgit wtf man peepz is gona tihnk datz me wtf thatz just lo so im gaona SHOOT and OMG SPIOLEZRZ~!~!~!!@# tih swas just a cufin stoyrlien fued xbut itz shiz liek dis man wtf hotnewz gosta baet up on a midgit den get hihg on cafeine and suxin his wfiez dix cuz shez realy a man and he goez stalxin peepz onlien cuz hez a perv i maen wtf tru i talkxz to peepz on da intrenet (I am Zack Attack on da instent amesengre) buty i aint no pervf liek hotnewz liekz to slit dix n siht fukc what a boring sqaush at lasets be a god workre liek ZACK or somthin wtf man i got a chalneg at angelmani u ptu your HotDAUGHRTEE~! up on da lien n if i win i getz to do it w her an tape it and maek u wacth cuz i kno u wil u fuxun perv and den ill cal da copz and deyll arest yo six azzzz and ill be da bestest newz reproter on da oaoast web mn ull be winin cuz yoll be gay as fux and ill still dos it yer daughter and be allBICTH~! WHO BE BAD NOW LOL?!?!?!?!?! -*****

 

6 - OMG~! IT'S THE SUPERSTAR~! n he aceptz tonyz chalenge and puts tonyz carer on da lien good im glad tonyz retriing hez realyw aaaaaaaay 2 old 2 be wrestlin ful time or any time LOL den superstar showz he maenz biznazzzzz by kixin jeff jarets azz OMG doezs that maens oaoaost is buyin nwatna 2? no itz cuz dey got no contrax in nwatna so liek jef jaret could drop da titel to superstare and den stil show up at nwatna da saem night and say whooopz sorry dad i dint mean to sux so bad i lost da tite and damezd be al oy vey... iun... FUGO!!!~!!!@1! lukily supertsar knowz da biznaaszz so he jes kix jaretz azzz and doesnt taek da worhtless nwatna titel anyway *****

 

7 - k money & da sk8r boiz vs team angel and bryan kendirck - biyran kendirck inventez dis match LOL datz sum smarkz humor for ya anyeaz moer nwatna n sk8r boiz guyz n taem angel is all tna dcant saket but den josie cumz n deyre all OMG SHEZ MAAAAAAAAD HOT DOOOOOOOD n dey gosta stop da macth cuz welll dis iz a famly coluym oso letz just say dfey had to whipo ut der dix and circel jerk mastebrate on da spot and k moneyz all ewwwww datz fuxin filthy mcnastay BICTH~! and money clipz for da 1 23!!!!!!!! but wate hi-v positiv comez n beats da ihst outta k money for no redazon den angelsault is all i suxz and im da champion ill hold j000 dooooown for da commercails

 

8 - shaterede dreamz is on da fone n hez SHOOTING on kotzgenguge but kjotz goez PSYCHO ON HIS AZZZZZZ n shaterdd eamz getz beat by his MOTHER but SWDWREVE ITZ REALY KOTZ~! graet way 2 biulde a fued *****

 

9 - agnez vs q-qwiz - agnez is on fire and popz da quiz eeeeeezeeeeee 4 da 1 2 3 **** but a bit shotr cuz agnez is just 2 kewl badazzzzz for soem laem jobbah!

 

well daz all 4 dis week but to maek up for mising iz ive got breakin newz... i lerned DA ZACK ATTACK AT TOUGH ENOUFH!!!!!!! i axed al sno if iw as dskillz enuf 2 leran it and he waz all uhhh doood tiz just a shinig wizard n i waz all BICTH SHO ME DA ZACK ATTACK ITZ MY LIFEZ DRAERM~!!~!!#@ so i finaly lerned it and now i kix sooooo muhc azz i cant wate to ZACK ATTACK da HOTBICTHWIRE at angelmaina ii!!!!!!!!!!

 

til next tiem keep it real

[Guest What?]

Sk8er Boiz?

 

 

 

ZACK ATTACK is officially god

 

 

 

::bows down to ZA::

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

I got ********** total.

 

(basks)

[Patty O'Green 0]

I like this Zack Attack. Push Dream Machines, indeed!