Promo - I'm Not A Cruiser

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Edit: In response to Outcast's comment, shortened up the beginning a bit. Hope it reads better.

 

---

 

Mike Van Siclen tilts his head back, resting it against the back of his airplane seat. He looks down at the SJL Heavyweight title, rubbing his finger against the nameplate that reads “Mike Van Siclen”. He smiles, a grim smile but a smile nonetheless, as he grabs a pair of headphones, putting them on and closing his eyes, the music pulsing in his mind…

 

These ideas are nightmares for white parents

Whose worst fear is a child with dyed hair and who likes earrings .

 

-=: Flashback – late 2000 :=-

 

GoldenEye stands in the back, talking with Assassin.

 

“Now, Assassin, I’d like you to meet the newest member of the Monstars.”

 

A loud crash from behind turns Assassin to the door that’s just been plowed over by a snow plow. A tall, lanky man with blue hair hops off of it.

 

“Hi. I’m Snow Demon.”

 

Like whatever they say has no bearing,

It’s so scary in a house that allows no swearing

 

-=: Flashback – March, 2002 :=-

 

Just hours after SJL Metal, we fade in on Mike Van Siclen, his leg in a cast on the hospital bed. He grabs the remote, clicking on the television… only to see the footage of Tom Flesher once more, pinning him to retain the SJL European title. Mike turns off the TV in a rage.

 

“F**K! F**K HIM! F**K ALL OF THEM!”

 

To see him walking around with his headphones blaring,

Alone in his own zone, cold and he don’t care.

 

-=: Flashback – August, 2002 :=-

 

Mike Van Siclen storms away from the sWo locker room. Y2K, running out, tries to follow.

 

“Mike! Mike! Where are you going?”

 

An angry middle finger greets the Rising Sun as Van Siclen makes a sharp corner, opening a door and slamming it behind him.

 

He’s a problem child, and what bothers him all comes out,

When he talks about, his f**kin' dad walkin’ out.

 

-=: Flashback – Genesis III :=-

 

Mental has the pinfall on Mike! Thor, standing at ringside, has to make a choice as the ref begins to count the SJL title to Judge Mental…

 

And he walks away.

 

Cuz he just hates him so bad that he blocks him out.

If he ever saw him again he’d probably knock him out...

 

 

 

“…Mike?”

 

The champions eyes slowly flutter open, the sounds of Eminem still pulsing in his ears as he looks up to see a young man standing over him in the aisle of the plane. Van Siclen removes the headphone from his right ear.

 

“Yeah, son? Can I help you?”

 

The other man smiles. “Mind if I take a seat?”

 

“Be my guest.”

 

The young man takes a seat next to the SJL Champion, who looks tiredly at the man who asked for a seat. “So, who are you?”

 

The younger man grins. “I’m the Skywalker, Mr. Van Siclen. Shawn Merlin.”

 

Mike gives the Skywalker a weary smile. “EWA, right?”

 

Merlin grins. “You got it.”

 

Van Siclen extends a hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”

 

“You too, sir.”

 

Merlin and Van Siclen shake, and then go silent for a few moments. Finally, Mike turns to Merlin…

 

“What is it, exactly, that you wanted?”

 

“I wanted to sit under the learning tree, Mike.”

 

Van Siclen’s eyebrow raises a bit. “Shawn, I’ve been having neck pains like you wouldn’t believe lately…”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You’ll have them too if you try to get cute with me again.”

 

Merlin gulps. “Sorry, Mike.”

 

“You should be. What, then, did you really want?”

 

“Well, Mike… I wanted to know how it feels.”

 

“How what feels, Shawn? How it feels to make someone tap out, in the middle of a cage, while blood pours down his skull and you’re forced to grin, to smile while his blood turns your hands orange for a week and while his shrieks of pain never leave your mind? To know what it’s like to cut somebody’s head open, just for an angle, just to get yourself more over for another push that’s never going to go anywhere?”

 

“… well…”

 

“Or maybe you want to know how it feels to be stuck with a dead-end gimmick. Maybe where your best move is a baseball slide dropkick and you have to hop around like a dumbass before you can even do that. Or maybe you want a gimmick where you encourage kids to drink that cyanide, because god knows that suicide is the only solution, especially when you’re as nutty as Jeremy Miller!”

 

“… actually…”

 

“Or maybe, you want to know how it feels to have your leg broken and be sidelined three months during a period where you should be the star? Or maybe you want to know how it feels to have an idiot with a Pokemon gimmick steal your spot in a World title tournament, and then actually do well in it? How well could I have done in that tournament, Shawn Merlin? I could have been champion then, but I never got the chance.”

 

“… really, I…”

 

“Is that what you want to know the feeling of, Shawn Merlin? The feeling of having the rug yanked out from under you time after time after time?”

 

“Actually, Mike… what I wanted to know was how it feels to be the best. How it feels to be the SJL Champion… god, even for that I would kill, just to be champion of something. I want to know how it feels to make a giant tap out to win that title. I want to know how it feels to kick some jobber named Jenkins in the goddamned face, to pin him and become the new #1 Contender and go on to win the World title.”

 

“…yeah, that was pretty cool.”

 

“I want to know what it’s like to repeatedly get spit on and told you’ll never amount to anything, only to come right back and shove it back in their faces. I want to know what it’s like to win six-man flaming tables matches that you have no right to win. I want to know what it’s like to beat three other guys who, when matched up with me, should utterly annihilate me. I want to know what it’s like to face a giant and beat him – twice.”

 

“I was quite fond of that myself, too…”

 

“And most importantly, Mike, I want to know what it’s like to finally get the bump after two years, countless horrible stables, numbers entering the double-digits for bad gimmicks, horrible feuds, terrible opponents, three-day-long title reigns and losses to ringers. I want to know, Mike… I want to know what it’s like to make it through all of that and still become SJL World champion, and still be the newest member of the SWF.”

 

Mike looks at Merlin, his eyes showing an emotion that has been rare in the SJL champion since December. And Van Siclen manages to give Merlin a half smile.

 

“It feels great, Shawn.” Van Siclen slaps Merlin on the shoulder. “Good luck on the dark match, Shawn.”

 

MVS walks away, with Merlin staring after him. He manages to say only one thing… “Good luck to you too, champ.”

 

We then get in one last shot of Mike Van Siclen, walking away from Merlin, down the aisle…

 

“This moment is mine…”

 

…fade to black…

 

- "Sing For The Moment", Eminem

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

You see, this promo is one of those things that would look great in live action... but to me, the beginning weighed it down considerably. If I was seeing a highlight video, sure, it would work. But, I would have shortened the beginning considerably.

 

It was well written, as most of your stuff usually is. However, the flow really kept this from being overly memorable (to me, at least).

 

The end was good, however. I did like the sequence between Mike and Merlin.

 

Kabam.