Just watched House of 1000 corpses

[Guest Special K]

As somewhat of a horror devotee who hasn't been entertained by a horror movie in a good long while (save maybe Ringu, and that was for the acting and 2nd to last scene.) I was very excited to see the much-anticipated by some, Rob Zombie directed Ho1kC, and just got a chance to do so at a friend's house.

 

It's really really really shitty.

 

I wasn't expecting THAT much, really. I haven't been scared by a horror movie since I watched the Fulci flick Gates of Hell @ 15, and I have an inkling that no horror movie now will be as freaky as the SIlent Hill series of vide games has turned out. This movie blows it though.

 

The opening scene is fuckin' awesome. Funny, over the top and just weird enough, it sets a great tone for a movie that never comes. A creepy and jumbly-filled opening credits follows. ALl seems reight with the world. THe opening Zombie song is quite mood-inducing too, I must say.

 

THe next hour feels like a retarded jump-cut Texas Chainsaw Massacre. However, everything's too outlandish, and really, boring to seem even close to the great movie TCM was. (As a side note, TCM, if you haven't seen it, IS a frightening and good movie, despite the title, and a true horror classic.) If you need a jump-cut, and extended 'fright music' every 5 seconds, it's not not 'edgy' or 'gritty'. It's fucking annoying.

 

Quick note SHANE from the Motherfuckin' best show on TV the SHIELD is in this movie. Unfortunately, besides later playing Shane, he sucks.

 

THe final 45 minutes or so are ludicrous. After trying to piece together a coherent storyline, ZOmbie just says 'well, fuck' and starts throwing shit at the wall, hoping it will stick. It's really quite silly as stuff from The WIcker Man meets TCM meetssci-fi schlocky demons. None of it makes any real sense, the pace is ALL fucked up. (our protaganist escaped from slimy icky horrible jump-cut zombies, now let's watch for 10 bloody minutes as she shrieks at skeletons hanging from the walls!)

 

The ending sucks. THe movie sucks. Don't see it. Well maybe download the opening.

 

Big dissapointment.

[Guest TUS_02]

I was thinking Texas CHainsaw Massacre too. It weirded out my roommates and there were a couple of parts where I had to say, "wtf"

 

Although I agree, it's like a film school/horror reject found a couple thousand bucks laying around and decided to film a whole bunch of junk and edit it together.

 

PS - It also has Chris Hardwick of Singled Out/Shipwrecked fame.

[Guest Angle-plex]

How did you watch it? Did your friend download it or something?

[Guest El Satanico]

I'm a fan of intelligent horror as much as the next guy. However that description actually makes this sound like a movie right up my aisle...so whoo

 

crazy shit with no meaning glued together in a bizzare ball of nonsense...this just makes me want to see it MORE...

 

Hell David Lynch is considered great by many and alot of his movies are "crazy shit with no meaning glued together in a bizzare ball of nonsense". I actually like David Lynch and didn't mean that as an insult to him...but it's true.

[Guest Special K]

Yeah, but some David Lynch movies are SCARY.

 

A typical scene will have a boring conversation between two people, strictly b-grade writing, interspersed with extreme close-ups of some gory shit and 50's horror movies.

 

I like sort of weird, random horror movies sometimes as well. Heck, Suspiria and many Fulci movies are pretty random, and the afforementioned Silent Hill series is often pretty randomly creepy, but this really sucks.

 

Yeah, a buddy downloaded it, pretty nice quality. I feel a bit bad, but at this pace it'll take 4 more years to get released, and got straight to video anyway.

[Guest godthedog]

I'm a fan of intelligent horror as much as the next guy. However that description actually makes this sound like a movie right up my aisle...so whoo

 

crazy shit with no meaning glued together in a bizzare ball of nonsense...this just makes me want to see it MORE...

 

Hell David Lynch is considered great by many and alot of his movies are "crazy shit with no meaning glued together in a bizzare ball of nonsense". I actually like David Lynch and didn't mean that as an insult to him...but it's true.

well...being great doesn't lie solely in doing fucked up shit that makes no sense. it takes a certain deftness and talent to take that fucked up shit that makes no sense, and turn it into something compelling and interesting. david lynch is good at it, many others aren't. i mean, 'julien donkey-boy' is basically 100 minutes of fucked up shit that makes no sense, & that movie bored the shit out of me for the most part. it comes from somebody who doesn't really know what he's doing. from the description of this movie, and the fact that rob zombie has never made a movie before, make me think that 'Ho1kC' will probably have more in common with 'julien donkey-boy' than with 'mulholland drive' or 'blue velvet'.

[Guest Vyce]

I'll still watch it.

 

I mean, shit, sometimes I rent b-movie horror flicks from the video store specifically knowing that they'll suck. Sometimes a little schlock is good for you. What, you never MISTied with your friends before?

[Guest Downhome]

I agree 100%, and I'll post a full review of it within 48 hours. Untill then, I'll hold off on the comments.

[Guest El Satanico]

Good now Downhome will further show me that this movie is right up my aisle.

 

Power to the schlock

[Guest TUS_02]

I'm not going to say I wasn't entertained by the movie... because I was. It was just... a really long music video... I guess.

[Guest Downhome]

 

Opening at selected cities, April 11th, 2003!

 

Click here for the trailer!

 

I didn't expect much of anything from this film, and I might as well say that right off the bat. The majority of the performers in this film are obscure, unknown actors which have rarely been in any films of true note, it's directed and written by a man who has never directed a film before (Rob Zombie if you are not aware), and quite frankly, this film has been thorugh the wringer way too much, and it's painfully obvious. The most well known actor in this film would be cult star Sid Haig, but unfortuently his role in this film is nowhere as large as I had been led to believe leading up to this film. Simply put, this guy is the high point of "1000", as he totally captures each scene he is in. If you aren't aware of who I'm talking about, he plays Capt. Spaulding, as seen here...

 

 

...the film begins on a hell of note. We start off with a great scene in Capt. Spaulding’s Museum of Monsters and Madmen, which leads us into the musical opening for the credits. I'm no fan of Rob Zombie, but I do admit that his music goes along perfectly in a film of this sort. So along with his music, the demented images in this opening, it really set a great tone for the rest of the film. Well, I should say it set a great tone for the rest of the film, which only lasted for a few minutes. It quickly broke down, and all direction seemed to be lost.

 

Everyone knows the plot of this film I assume. It's about a group of kids who are driving along, they run out of gas and are forced to stop at the odd, old looking gas station where they meet odd characters, which then lead them to a scarry and broken down house in the middle of nowhere, where all sorts of horror and murder begins to take place. Now call me crazy, I've been called that before, but does that not sound just like a plot seen before in a movie just of this sort? It's so fucking obvious that Rob Zombie wanted so bad for this one to be Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2000, but he fails to reach that goal.

 

The rest of this film is a horrible mixture of very bad acting, virtually no storyline or plot, no explanation for anything that is going on really, horrible editing, and an attempt at "cool shots" and the such, which only comes across as headache inducing. The film just seems to be one huge mess of various scenes trying to disturb the viewer, nothing really fits together in any way at all. Out of all of the camera angles, effects, and everything of that sort that we see throughout this film, there is only ONE which I feel is in any way truly original, cool, and horrifying. The shot is a closeup of the right part of someones face, and over their shoulder, we see "somone" following them as they are at a dead end trying to figure out what to do now. The shot holds there for a few moments, as the figure in the background over their shoulder moves closer and closer, and then they slowly turn their head to look over their shoulder, and the other half of their face appears as they do so, as they see the figure behind them. This is one of my favorite angles/shots that I have seen in years. There is nothing fancy about it, there are no special effects involved. As a matter of fact, it's the type of shot that any one of us could go out and shoot right now, but that's the thing. It's simple, and in this film it proves that less, is indeed more.

 

That is my favorite part of the entire film besides the very begining before the opening credits/song. The rest of the film is simply "just there", with really no positives that I can think of. The only real positive I suppose that I CAN name besides what I've said before, is that of the character Baby, played by newcomer Sheri Moon, this is her debut acting role. As from the "1000" web site, "Rob Zombie fans will recognize her from her numerous rock video appearances including such favorites as Dragula, Living Dead Girl and More Human Than Human.", so you may have seen her before if you've seen his videos. She is hot, beautiful, and has a great voice. I can't say much about her acting though, it pretty much just ran into the wall like most everyone else in this film. If you are currious, here is the best picture I have for you of her...

 

 

...also, the ending of this film comes out of nowhere. I like the ending of this film, but it just comes out of nowhere. I can't really explain it so as to not spoil it, but just be ready for a very abrupt ending, lol. Also, do not look for tons of gore and graphic death scenes in this film, because you will NOT find them here. This film is all about being emotionally disturbing by using quick jumps, setting, and the overall mood...

 

...it's just too bad that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre did the very same thing years before, and did it much better.

 

I don't really want to score this one, as I'm not all that sure as to what to score it on. In terms of a stand alone film in terms of acting, structure, etc... I'd give it 4/10, but as a horror film I'd give it around a 6/10. So average them together and you get a 5/10. If you like chessy, very bad made horror then check it out. If you are someone who loves your movies to really pull together in terms of structure, acting, directing, and all of this then just stay away from it, as you will not really find all that much to see here. I do suggest it though to you guys who love mindless horror, you MIGHT find something to enjoy here. I'll hold onto the hope that the sequel will be much more improved over this one, because it will truly need it. After waiting years for this film to finally finish up filming, and to be released, I am now forced to say that it was NOT, worth the long wait.

 

Sincerely,

...Downhome...