U.S. enlists dolphins to aid Iraq war effort

[Guest Spicy McHaggis]

UMM QASR, Iraq, March 25 — Forget precision bombs, unmanned spy-planes and high-tech weaponry, the U.S. army is about to unveil its most unlikely mine detector — all the way from Florida, the Atlantic Bottle-Nosed Dolphin.

AT THE SOUTHERN Iraqi port of Umm Qasr, secured by U.S and British forces after days of fighting, soldiers made last-minute preparations on Tuesday for the imminent arrival of a team of specially trained dolphins to help divers ensure the coastline is free of danger before humanitarian aid shipments can dock.

U.S. Navy Captain Mike Tillotson told reporters that three or four dolphins would work from Umm Qasr, using their natural sonar abilities to seek out mines or other explosive devices which Iraqi forces may have planted on the seabed.

“They were flown over on a military animal transporter in fleece-lined slings,” Tillotson said. “We keep them in a certain amount of water. They travel very well.”

Staff Sergeant Justin Roberts escorts K-Dog back to the well deck and holding areas aboard the USS Gunston Hall March 18.

“They will be given restaurant quality food and vitamins, and they will work out of wells which we’ve set up here.”

Tillotson said the dolphins were trained not to swim up to mines, but to place a marker a small distance away, minimizing any danger to themselves.

Several mines were discovered last week on the back of ships along the Faw peninsula, but teams of divers searching around Umm Qasr port since Monday have not found any embedded mines.

 

http://www.msnbc.com/news/890520_asp.htm?0cv=CB10

[Guest Vern Gagne]

Someone call PETA.

 

Dolphins are amazing animals.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

The U.S. or any nation would kick ass if they enlisted this guy:

 

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

Someone call PETA.

 

Dolphins are amazing animals.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/dolphiniraq1.html

 

I can't believe I actually agree with PETA on this though. Well, I will until they go batshit crazy and make some stupid publicity stunt for "awareness."

[Guest BDC]

This is actually a nice idea. Let's bear a few things in mind. These animals, with their natural sonar and their training, know what's dangerous and they stay away from it. That keeps them safe and they perform a job (presumably) very well. I'm impressed.

 

Of course, that won't stop PETA...

[Guest Kahran Ramsus]

These are living beings with minds of their own, and though they are incredibly intelligent, they have no idea that lives will be lost if they fail to perform tasks properly.

 

True, but they also know that they will be fed if they do perform their tasks property. And that they DO understand.

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

That was surprisingly nice to read PETA have something critical, and yet sensible, to say.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

I saw dolphins on MSNBC for a moment, but I came in too late on the report to know what the heck was going on.

 

Is anyone else reminded of the Soviet Bomb Dogs?

[Guest McLeary]

That dropped my jaw when I heard it during the conference this morning, I kinda thought "is he joking? --- nope he's for real. That's kinda cool." Ever since then, I've had the image in my head of what a hard-boiled Marine dolphin would look like. I think it would be kind of like the Fighting Hellfish logo, but more of a Fighting Dolphin-fish. It probably doesn't do that high pitched "eeh-eeh-eeh" thing most dolphins do either.

 

Note: I'm joking, not retarded.

[Guest MD2020]

And more on the animal war front, Morocco has offered 2,000 monkey trained to denoate land mines.

 

Story here:

http://www.upi.com/view.cfm?StoryID=200303...24-064259-1443r

 

Now all we need to do is have the monkeys ride the dolphins, and no mine will be safe...

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

...You've got to be kidding me.

[Guest Kahran Ramsus]

...You've got to be kidding me.

Why? It isn't any different than using dogs to sniff out drugs.

[Guest SP-1]

I'm sorry. But the post itself has me laughing.

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

While we're at it, why don't we send in 87 electric eels to electrify every swimming pool in all the presidential palaces in an assassination attempt?

[Guest SP-1]

No, No, No.

 

Ostriches.

 

Line them up in front of our troops and make them bury their heads in the sand. It'll be like a big bird shield.

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

Can we arm the ostriches with kevlar?

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Now is as good a time as any to bring back the Carthaginian war machine known as the ELEPHANT~!

[Guest SP-1]

Can we arm the ostriches with kevlar?

Sure, why not?

 

We could also put the aforementioned monkeys on them and let them ride them into battle, armed with kevlar and scimitars.

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

do we know how Dolphins will adapt to the Persian Gulf?

 

preferably, they wouldn't die of heatstroke or anything

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

I posted the same story in the "And so it begins..." thread.

 

Dolphins own. That is all.

[Guest SP-1]

Dolphins own. That is all.

Not as much as Ostrich riding, Scimitar wielding, Kevlar protected monkeys, my friend. Don't deny it.

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

I deny it. DENY IT~!

 

We need to flood Baghdad, then let loose the Dolphins. If monkeys need to be involved, let them ride the Dolphins.

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

Dude, that's the future of combat right there.

[Guest SP-1]

That's even better. The Ostrich Brigade can surround the flooded city and peck at enemy soldiers with razor lined beaks as they run away, chased by Dolphin Riding, Kevlar Protected, Scimitar Wielding Monkeys.

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

I think even I would pay to see it if they made that the method of execution for the Taliban.

[Guest SP-1]

We all would, my friend. All of us.

[Conspiracy_Victim 0]

All this talk of fighting monkeys brought me back to the Family Guy episode with the evil monkey that was stalking Chris. Other than that, the thought of turning Flipper loose to kick some ass makes me laugh.

[Guest The Czech Republic]

There's ostensibly a whole office of monkeys at the creative department at Titan Tower. Let's send them to Iraq!

[Guest JangoFett4Hire]

Hey, guess who commented on this?

 

Guess?

 

GUESS?!?!?

 

 

Give up?"Our troops deserve the best defense possible, but PETA opposes the use of dolphins, sea lions, or any other marine mammals. The project is cruel and cannot provide a reliable defense or surveillance for our troops. The Navy claims they are not putting these animals in harm's way, but they've removed these animals from their homes, relocated them to foreign waters in the Persian Gulf, and are forcing them to not only inspect the waters, but to actually swim up to potential terrorists under the water, clamp a cuff on their leg, and deploy a floating marker. How can anyone say these animals are not being put in harm's way?

The bottom line is that dolphins cannot provide a reliable defense. These are living beings with minds of their own, and though they are incredibly intelligent, they have no idea that lives will be lost if they fail to perform tasks properly. Yet, the military wants to rely on the actions of these animals in order to protect our troops. Our troops deserve the best defense possible and this isn't it. The animals and our troops deserve better."

[Guest Some Guy]

I'm just worried that the Dophins will take over Iraq, just they did Springfield on the Simpsons.

 

The dophin thing I have no porblem with but the monkey thing I'm a little perplexed about.

 

Does "detonate landmines" mean the monkeys walk around until they get blown up? If that's the case I'm not too sure I like it. Monkeys are cute. They should use Cows, they would double as humanitarian food aid for the Iraqis. They'd get a good warm meal.