The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA Week 37

[Guest TSMAdmin]

The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA Week 37

 

 

Welcome back everyone for this weeks TNA review.

 

Like always, I have a few things to say before we get into things.

 

As last week's show ended, initial reports on the first strikes against Iraq were sent out across all the major networks (preempting some of my shows, dammit) and essentially starting the war we knew was an inevitable at that point. I'm not one for politics, but I would like to reiterate Adrian Brody's sentiment at the Academy Awards and wish that our troops come home safe after a quick, swift resolution.

 

And to segue in the worst possible way, don't forget to come back to TheSmartMarks.com early next week to read my take on WWE's biggest show of the year, Wrestlemania 19. I told you that was a bad segue...Either way, my Wrestlemania Diatribe is EXCLUSIVE to TheSmartMarks.com, so look out for that next week.

 

Anyway, the show starts out with Jeremy Borash introducing Goldylocks to sing America The Beautiful. She's sitting at the top of the ramp with a guy next to her playing acoustic guitar, who's later revealed to be Dale Oliver. To say that she takes liberties with the song is an understatement as I didn't even recognize the second verse with all of her adlibbing. She's a decent singer, but she's still no Lillian Garcia.

 

We hit the video package covering all of last week's events, ending with the awesome visual of Raven lying in a pool of his own blood and clutching the contract to become the #1 contender after his great match with AJ Styles. It encapsulated everything that Raven was about in that one shot. The staple gun next to him showed how hardcore he could be, the pool of blood showed how dedicated he was to earning the shot and the contract in his hand as he passed out showed the reward for everything he sacrificed in the match. This segues into the intro as well as AJ Styles coming down the aisle with a CHAINSAW! I doubt there's a chain on it though...

 

He bypasses the ring and heads right to the SEX locker room. He barges in and waves around the chainsaw to protect himself from the faction. He starts yelling at Gilberti, who cost him the title last week, challenging him to a match RIGHT NOW. "If you're not there in 30 seconds, I'm gonna saw your body parts off. Get out to the ring, faggot!" Ouch...TNA really needs to be careful about that, they don't need any enemies. AJ ought to know better too...I'm sure management won't be too happy with that one. AJ heads towards the ring as Gilberti starts talking to the rest of the group. "What the hell does he think this is coming in here with a chainsaw, 'Scarface'?" Gilberti just gained 5 points of overness with me, baby. He tries to pass the buck and say that AJ challenged SEX, but Sanders corrects him and lets him know that Styles challenged Gilberti specifically. Gilberti tells him that he doesn't have his gear....but Sanders does, so this is his chance at redemption for losing two weeks in a row to Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Sanders agrees to go out there, but makes sure to let Gilberti know that he's not pleased with it.

 

AJ Styles vs. Mike Sanders

 

Match Background: There is no real issue between these two men, except for what just occurred in the SEX locker room.

 

The Match: Styles attacks Sanders the second he steps into the ring and dropkicks him in the corner. Sanders is elevated up and over to the apron but head scissors his way back in! AJ gets a roll up for two before Sanders tosses him out of the ring. Styles takes one of the WORST bumps to the floor I've EVER seen as his feet get caught in the ropes and he lands practically on his HEAD. He looks alright though and Sanders goes out to get him. AJ gets back up though and hits his moonsault into reverse DDT combo on the floor! Back in the ring now, AJ goes for a bulldog that starts with him in a reverse powerbomb position, but Sanders uses the momentum to just SLAM him down really hard in a very, very cool spot. Sanders starts to work over Styles now with a few kicks for a two count. I really don't like the dye job he did to his hair. AJ tries a little comeback, but Sanders hits a pumphandle back suplex for two! WOW! AJ is finally able to comeback after a Sanders beating with a hard clothesline and a spinning leg lariat! Nice dropkick gets Styles a two count before he starts kicking the hell out of Sanders like his name was Low-Ki Jr. AJ motions for the Styles Clash, but Sanders gets to the ropes. Sanders goes for the 3.0, but AJ is able to roll out of it and go for a roundhouse, but Sanders ducks and HITS THE 3.0! ONE...TWO...NO! Tenay didn't even acknowledge the move as Sanders finisher so I have a feeling that it won't be put over in TNA much. AJ then gets a pumphandle back suplex on HIM for two. Sanders goes for the Double Shot (face buster into a neckbreaker), but AJ blocks the neckbreaker by holding onto the ropes and superkicks Sanders! AJ heads to the top, but Siaki and Gilberti come down to the ring. Gilberti distracts the official as Siaki shoves AJ off the top into the ring. Siaki comes in and holds him for Sanders, but AJ ducks and Siaki gets nailed allowing Styles to roll up Sanders for the ONE...TWO...NO! It's now Gilberti's time to interfere as he tries to nail AJ with a foreign object, but Styles knocks him down to the floor and reverses a Sanders roll up for the win!

 

Winner: AJ Styles

 

After the match, Gilberti and Siaki start yelling at Sanders for his loss. He gets shoved by Gilberti and shoves back. Siaki tries to calm them down, but Sanders leaves on his own...

 

My Opinion: AJ carried Sanders to a decent match, although Sanders messed up a few spots. Yes, I can be objective! It looks as if Sanders is going to break away from SEX and be a babyface, which I'm all for. He was apparently very over as a babyface in the HWA (Les Thatcher's Heartland Wrestling Association, a former WWE Developmental Territory) feuding with Lance Cade. I never got to see it though and I'd sure as hell like to. He's got tons of charisma and the crowd has already caught on with his "HEY~!" gimmick, so it could work. **

 

We now go to a video package about the Lynn/Konnan rivalry that started a few months ago. The package contains spurts of Konnan's sitdown interview with Mike Tenay in Week 30 that impressed me so much.

 

Jerry Lynn vs. Konnan

 

Match Background: For a few weeks, Konnan was appearing at the conclusion of X-Division matches and attacking anyone in sight. This all led to the aforementioned sitdown interview with Mike Tenay in which he stated that he was there to stand up for the Latino people who have been held down in the wrestling business, most notably the luchadors. He said that he sees the X-Division as nothing more than a ripoff of the Mexican Lucha Libre style and planned on doing something about it. The following week in Week 31, Jerry Lynn won an elimination match to become the #1 contender for the X-Title. Konnan got in his face afterwards and confronted him about his style. The SAT's then jumped Jerry Lynn, siding with Konnan and took on Lynn in a triple threat match in Week 32, which Lynn won. Former WCW Cruiserweight Champion Juventud Guerrera came back to the US in Week 33 to face Jerry Lynn with Konnan in his corner, but was also defeated in a great match. The same result took place when former ECW TV Champion Super Crazy came in to face Jerry Lynn in Week 34. Even XPW's Halloween and Damien lost to Jerry Lynn in Week 35, even after Lynn's partner, David Young, was injured in mid-match. Konnan was frustrated with the constant losses and decided to take things into his own hands, tagging with Juvi last week to face Lynn and Jason Cross and was able to pin Lynn by holding onto the ropes. This week, after throwing tons of luchadors at Lynn, Konnan is going to step into the ring with him one-on-one.

 

The Match: Just like last week, Konnan comes down to the ring wearing his usual gangsta gear he wrestled with in WCW, despite not dressing like that for the first month and a half he was with TNA. He grabs THE STICK~! and calls the crowd "white trash rednecks and inbred people" to a POP. Those wacky people in Nashville. He then says that Goldy should have sang the Mexican National Anthem instead of America the Beautiful to a decent amount of heel heat. He cuts a quick promo hyping the upcoming match (EWR is getting to me) and stating that the "X-Lax Division ends tonight" to rile the crowd up a bit more.

 

Lynn slides into the ring, but Konnan immediately puts the boots to him. He just goes on a barrage in the corner, before stopping to taunt the crowd. Konnan puts on one of the WEIRDEST submission holds I've ever seen (Tenay didn't even know the name of it) and throws Lynn to the outside. Konnan is seriously doing this thing in this match for once! On the outside, Lynn tries to use the ring steps to spring onto Konnan's shoulders and rana him, but Konnan powerbombs him down! I haven't seen Konnan work this hard in a LONG time. Back in the ring, I wonder how the hell he can wrestle with his jeans halfway down his ass. Konnan uses BOTH feet in the corner to choke out Lynn, like a damn good heel. He's getting a hell of a lot of heat in this match so far. Konnan then gets on the 2nd rope, but Lynn gets up and tries to stop him. Konnan jumps down with Lynn and they botch whatever they were going for and it just looked UGLY. Konnan heads to the TOP ROPE and comes off with the imaginary move as Lynn puts his leg in the air and nails Konnan in the chin. Lynn gets up and dropkicks Konnan...and he's showing visible signs of being winded. Now its 100% clear he is as he practically LETS Lynn crucifix him for two. Lynn puts some boots to Konnan on the floor, but he's not even trying to sell it. Konnan goes for a roll up, but Lynn rolls through and hits a dropkick to the face, showing that he's learned from the other luchadors he's faced as they did that same move to him. Konnan is now moving in SLOW MOTION and hits his rolling clothesline before collapsing on the ropes to get some air. Even Don West states that Konnan is exhausted. Lynn gets a DDT for two and tries to follow it up with a Cradle Piledriver. Konnan tries to backdrop out of it, but Jerry Lynn rolls him up for the pin instead!

 

Winner: Jerry Lynn

 

After the match, a masked wrestler wearing all yellow climbs to the top rope and nails Jerry Lynn with a missile dropkick! He then hits a spinning DDT and runs out of the ring as the announcers NOR Konnan know who it was...He looked to be a little thicker than Red, but taller...hmm.

 

My Opinion: Konnan started out the match with a fire and passion that he hasn't shown since his days in AAA. Then, he just blew up. The match was as disappointing as expected, considering Konnan's in ring ability, but I didn't expect to be teased with a decent to good match in the beginning of it. I don't know where they're going with the masked wrestler, although Konnan's refusal of his identity just came across as bad acting so he may be involved. If this was truly the Konnan/Lynn blowoff, I've got to say that I was disappointed with the angle as Lynn only lost one match against all of the luchadors and didn't do much to make them look like a viable threat. *1/4.

 

We now go to a sitdown interview between Mike Tenay and NWA World Champion Jeff Jarrett. JJ will not be at the show tonight because he'll be at a charity event. Tenay talks about how he's the target for the entire locker room because he's in the champions, namely SEX, D'Lo Brown, Eric Watts, Raven, AJ Styles and Ron "The Truth" Killings. Jarrett doesn't have any disparaging remarks for The Truth, amazingly. He puts over D'Lo and Raven with his words, but says that AJ Styles needs to step up a level. He says that Eric Watts is a joke and shouldn't even be a challenger to the title. Tenay then asked him about David Flair's NWA Title and Jarrett tells him that Rhodes is even more upset than he is because it is only one of three titles NWA Titles out there, including his. He then asks Jarrett if he regrets stooping to the level he went to in order to get rid of Vince Russo. Jarrett gets almost offended and says "I can't even believe you would ask me that question."

 

My Two Cents: Decent interview, nothing too compelling. I found his comments towards AJ Styles very interesting though as the Jarrett's pretty much own and book the company and his feelings were made very apparent. He doesn't believe that AJ Styles is ready to be a main eventer and I have to disagree with him. He's got the total package in terms of in ring ability, charisma and even mic work. I also find it funny that he would say Eric Watts is a joke and shouldn't be a competitor for the title when once again...they're in charge of the company are booking it that way.

 

We then go to a Raven video package starting from his debut in TNA (where they focus on the "McMahon Fears Raven" sign) to the win last week against AJ Styles in the Hardcore Ladder Match. This package was done VERY well with the end hyping up the eventual Raven/Jarrett title match and putting over Raven as a legitimate contender for the title. Personally, I feel the best booking would be Raven winning the title on his first opportunity after all of the talk and hype about his "destiny". It would really seem pointless if he didn't. Jarrett has had it for over 15 weeks already and the title picture really needs a face lift.

 

The New Church come to the ring with their new old package, revisited. Father James Mitchell gets into the ring and grabs THE STICK~! He talks about the Sadistic Madness match for later on and what the rules are. Anything goes.....except that the ref cannot count a wrestler down unless the downed wrestler is bleeding! Guaranteed blood for tonight's main event! Mitchell then talks about how the average wrestler get in worse condition as they bleed, unlike his Disciples, who become invincible as their own blood spills.

 

Triple X and the Harris Brothers come to the ring, with some new music. It sounds like Spanish hip hop that's really popular in urban Los Angeles. Daniels gets into the ring and gets on the mic as well. He wants to make the Disciples to bleed right now...and they begin brawling with the Disciples 4 on 2. The Sandman comes into the ring and canes all of the heels, but succumbs to the numbers. All of a sudden, the lights go out and a new video package plays....for PERRY SATURN! The lights come back on and Saturn is in the ring! He suplexes all of the Harris Brothers and Daniels, sending them out of the ring. Saturn's got a hell of a lot more tattoos now, including a Bam Bam Bigalow-like head tat.

 

My Two Cents: Remember last week when Mitchell said there would be a new member of the Church? Well....I'm sure it's not Sandman. Perry Saturn would make a great addition to the Disciples of the New Church, but he was never formally introduced as one. Also, where the hell is Malice?! It seems like he can't be bothered to show up two weeks in a row. The promo that Mitchell cut before SEX came to the ring was EXCELLENT. He put over the brutality of the match as well as his competitors and now it's up to the matchmakers to book the Disciples to look strong.

 

We now go to a pre-taped Dusty Rhodes interview. He's in a barnyard talking about David Flair, challenging him to a Bunkhouse Match here tonight. He says that he's going to take away Flair's NWA Title because he doesn't respect the title and didn't earn it. He said a lot more, but I didn't have my Dusty to English dictionary with me tonight.

 

When we come back into the ring, DAVID YOUNG is on the mic! He calls out Sonny Siaki for hurting his friend, Athena, last week with the Siakolypse NOW Piledriver. He brings Athena down to ringside and says that Siaki "stepped in shit last week, so now I'm gonna feed it to ya". Athena, lookin' mighty fine, walks down the ramp with no problem and basically can't sell a neck injury for her life.

 

Sonny Siaki vs. David Young

 

Match Background: After a catfight between Athena and Holly Wood and Siaki demanded that she strip Holly Wood of her top and Athena refused. Siaki then insulted her, so she slapped him. He gave her the Siakolypse NOW Piledriver and probably would have done more, but David Young ran in for the save.

 

The Match: Siaki comes down to the ring sans Desire again for the second or third week in a row. Young goes after Siaki at the start of the match and hits him with an atomic drop, an inverted atomic drop and a clothesline for two. The two powerhouses of the X-Division brawl for a bit before Young heads to the top and comes off with a cross body for two. Young hits an enziguiri, sending Siaki to his knees before hitting a second one for two. He charges at Siaki in the corner, but EATS BOOT. Siaki charges at Young, but gets suplexed into the turnbuckles! Siaki heads to the outside and Young jumps off the apron onto this shoulders to rana him, but Siaki blocks it and swings him into the steel steps. Siaki takes his belt off as it apparently broke and his pants are starting to creep down a bit. Back in the ring, Siaki gets a few shoulder blocks, but has to fix his pants after every move. He hits a Northern Lights Suplex on Young as his G-String is revealed to the crowd, to the delight of the females in the audience. Siaki's natural charisma comes out as he plays up to the crowd, exposing himself on purpose at this point. Young comes back with some right hands, but Siaki is able to come back with a somersault neckbreaker for dos. "David" chant by the crowd as Siaki's pants really start to fall down now and he can't do anything about it as he has a sleeper on Young. Young, of course, gets up at two as the crowd chants "Go David Go", encouraged by Athena. Young comes back with a dropkick on Siaki for two. Young goes for a back suplex into a neckbreaker, but its sloppy, probably because of Siaki's size. Siaki goes for Siakalypse NOW, but Young floats out of the pumphandle and hits his SNAP SPINEBUSTER~! The pants become a detriment to the match as the move doesn't come across well due to Siaki's bagginess affecting his footing. Young then tells Athena to get onto the ring apron and she does. She slaps Siaki HARD and then comes into the ring and kicks him in the crotch! Desire sneaks into the ring and goes right after Athena, pulling off her neck brace! Young pulls her off, but Siaki low blows him and hits Siakalypse NOW! Desire takes out a pair of handcuffs and they cuff Young on the ropes so they can abuse Athena some more. Siaki takes her....Siakalypse! YES! Oh, sorry...I wasn't saying "Yes, I wanted Athena to get hurt", I was saying "Yes, the return of the Siakalypse and it makes sense!" David Young is the worst actor ever, by the way. Siaki and Desire leave as officials come into help Athena and Young.

 

Winner: No Contest

 

My Opinion: The match was decent for the time allotted and I wish it could have gone longer. I'm a fan of Young and Siaki could be alright with the right opponent. Siaki's pants became the focus of the match to the crowd and therefore, the match became rather heatless. It's nice to see Desire back too. *1/2

 

In the back, Goldylocks tries to get a word with Red, but Alexis Laree talks on the mic instead. Wow....she's kinda cute. She talks tough and insults Goldylocks before she goes. She's not great on the mic, but she's better than Red.

 

Next Generation (Watts, Flair and Lawler) come out and Eric Watts has a microphone. He says that he wants to apologize to Jeff Jarrett, singing his praises. He then talks about how Jarrett stated he was a joke of a title contender. Watts tells him that he doesn't want a shot! "I've had titles in the past...and to tell you the truth, when you wear em, they don't fit into belt loops, they clash with my clothes...my wife gets mad when I wear them to bed". That was actually cute. Watts tells him that he doesn't want a title shot, he just wants to get into his head.

 

The lights go out all of a sudden and Jeff Jarrett is standing in the ring behind them holding a guitar. Watts turns around and gets NAILED by the guitar in a throwback to Jarrett's old days. Flair and Lawler drag Watts to the back.

 

Jarrett gets on THE STICK~! and calls out anyone who wants a piece of him, specifically Truth, Styles, Raven and SEX. D'Lo Brown comes to the ring with a microphone of his own and gets in Jarrett's face. He says that Jarrett talks really tough, knowing that Raven isn't in the building and how Jarrett is everyone's target and that's to be expected, so stop complaining. D'Lo lets him know that he came to TNA for a title shot, he negotiated a title shot in his contract and he wants it ASAP. Since Raven isn't here tonight, he'll take his place tonight after his match with Chris Harris and face Jarrett for the title. Jarrett then says that D'Lo only wants a hand out so he'll give him one tonight!

 

Glen Gilberti comes down to the ring with the Harris Brothers and gets on the STICK~! as well! "This isn't the WWE....we don't check our brains at the door". He states that Raven is the number one contender, not D'Lo, so he can't get a shot now. Since Raven is part of SEX, SEX is going to delegate the title shots....and Tenay says that makes sense, somehow. I sure as hell don't get it. Gilberti tells D'Lo that Jarrett only agreed to the title match tonight because he knows he'd already be coming off of a match. Gilberti insults Jarrett and tells D'Lo that Jarrett has a lot of friends who can help him keep his title. Gilberti then states that D'Lo will get his shot next week....but SEX will be in his corner to make sure Jarrett doesn't "cheat". There's a stipulation, however. Should D'Lo win, he's a part of SEX. D'Lo thinks about it for a second...and agrees to it! Jarrett tells Gilberti that later on tonight, SEX will learn why Jarrett's old slogan used to be "Don't Piss Me Off".

 

My Two Cents: Boy, I'm really glad that Eric Watts isn't in the title picture because that just cheapens the title. I'm glad they didn't waste the Jarrett/D'Lo match tonight. Now, they can milk that for a decent buyrate next week. D'Lo shouldn't win the title next week though, IMO. It wouldn't mean nearly as much as Raven winning the title from Jarrett. Gilberti is getting so much better on the mic.

 

Tenay and West talk about how there is no acting commissioner to come out and make the decisions on the spot. Um....what happened to JJ Dillon?

 

Dusty Rhodes vs. David Flair - Bunkhouse Rules

 

Match Background: Dusty Rhodes faced Ric Flair many, many times for the NWA World Title, winning it from him on a few occasions. Fast forward to years later in TNA and David Flair is now parading around with the title, upsetting Dusty and those who worked hard for it. Yep...that's it. Oh yeah, Rhodes and David Flair met in a few tag matches in the past few weeks, but they weren't really the catalyst for this match.

 

The Match: David Flair comes down to a computerized version of his fathers theme. Both he and Dusty are wearing plaid flannel shirts with jeans as this is a "come as you are" match. Dusty comes to the ring and pulls Flair out of the ring and beats him up at ringside. Flair can't sell at all. Dusty gets some PLUNDER and starts beating Flair across the back with it. He throws David back into the ring and puts his cowboy hat on Rudy Charles, the ref. Flair takes control with a eyepoke and nails Dusty with a shovel. Rhodes is able to duck a cowbell shot and hits the Bionic Elbow. He gets up and nails Flair with a cowbell and gets the pinfall.

 

Winner: Dusty Rhodes

 

Dusty takes the title as Tenay says that it's back with the rightful owner. Hey, I thought it belonged to Ric Flair. David Flair has a better claim to owning the title belt than Rhodes does. It doesn't matter though as Brian Lawler runs into the ring and steals the title back from behind.

 

My Opinion: Thankfully, this was MIGHTY short. Neither man are very good in the ring and not even a hardcore match can mask that. DUD.

 

In the back, Goldylocks is with Americas Most Wanted, Chris Harris and James Storm, but only Harris is dressed to wrestle. She wants to know why he's in a singles match and not a tag. Harris tells her not to worry, they aren't splitting up or anything...he just wanted a singles match. Goldylocks tries to get Storm's take on it, but Harris won't even let her talk to him. He just wants to clear the air that there's really nothing wrong, he just wanted some one-on-one competition tonight. He's still a tag competitor.

 

That was some very subtle hints to a future Harris heel singles push...I like it.

 

Red & Alexis Laree vs. Kid Kash & Trinity

 

Match Background: Three weeks ago, Red faced Kid Kash for the X Title and was defeated. Prior to the match, he told Kid Kash to leave Trinity behind, which he didn't do. Trinity sacrificed herself, allowing Kash to get the advantage in the match and ultimately win. Two weeks ago, Red was given another title shot in a 3 way dance because of it. Trinity once again sacrificed herself and got into a confrontation with Red after the match. Then last week, Red faced Kash and Trinity in a three way dance and ended up losing to Kash after Trinity went on a roll, hitting move after move on Red. Trinity went to finish Red off when Kash did the honors and stole her thunder. This week, it's a mixed tag team match with Alexis Laree joining Red tonight. She's been in various indy's across the country, including Ring of Honor I believe.

 

The Match: Tenay and West say that Alexis Laree was in the Miss TNA Battle Royal in Week Two, but I sure as hell don't remember her being in it. I've got to read my own Archives. Red and Kash start the match off with Kash and Red countering each other a lot, dropkicking each other at the same time and hit the Indy Applause Stance to annoy the hell out of me. The Pavlovian Dogs in the crowd clap too. Kash spits on Red and Red spits back as they trade hammerlocks. They trade armdrags and go for pinfall attempts, getting two counts each time. Red actually bridges up and out of a pinfall attempt, making it look completely unbelievable. Kash goes to the corner and piefaces Laree, who comes into the ring and slaps him in the face immediately! She gets back on the apron as Kash goes after Red's again. Kash goes into his heelish playbook by poking Red in the eyes and press slamming him. Red tags Alexis who gets into the ring and slaps Kash. Kash slaps her back and tags Trinity! Trinity runs into the ring, but gets a drop toe hold by Alexis! Trinity comes back with a dropkick and a corner roll up for two. Trinity gets a NICE looking arm breaker, but Alexis is able to get out of it. Red comes into the ring and Trinity slaps HIM, allowing Laree to attack her from behind. She suplexes her and floats over for the pin, but Kash breaks it up for two. Trinity gets up and nails Red in the face, allowing Laree to take over again. They double clothesline each other and both girls are down. They tag out to their respective partners and Red hits a cross body into the ring! Kash NAILS Red with a clothesline though for two. The girls begin fighting in the ring as Red and Kash are in the corner brawling as well. Laree and Red hit a few punches in the corner and try to whip Kash and Trinity into each other but its reversed. Instead of colliding, Red elevates her up and over him onto Kash! They once again pair off with their genders, with Kash and Red in one corner and the girls on another. Kash on the top, but gets nailed by Red...SUPER CODE RED~! Kinda sloppy though. While that was going on, Trinity nailed a moonsault on Alexis Laree and gets the pin for the team!

 

Winners: Kid Kash and Trinity

 

After the match, Kash shoots off a dirty look at Trinity for getting the pinfall and walks out, leaving her behind. Some VERY bad camerawork as they cut to the TNA girls as Trinity and Red get in each others face. It looked as if she was either going to do something to him or give him a hug....

 

My Opinion: The match wasn't terrible, but it wasn't good either. Alexis Laree is better in the ring than Desire, I can tell you that. The match was a bit sloppy and disjointed at times, but this is a storyline driven match, not a workrate driven one. I hope Laree comes back, she's got spunk. *

 

In the back, Goldylocks is trying to get a word with Jerry Lynn (who's wearing glasses) and asks him who his mystery attacker was. Lynn tells her to ask Konnan, but she already has. Lynn says she's being naive...so go ask him again.

 

D'Lo Brown vs. Chris Harris

 

Match Background: None really. Although they do share the same move....The Catatonic. D'Lo was using it in WWE before Chris Harris though.

 

The Match: It looks like TNA is going to start playing video packages for their well known guys entrances as AMW got one during their entrance as well as D'Lo. They shake hands prior to the match as a small "D'Lo" chant breaks out. They lock up in the middle of the ring and counter each other for a bit before dropkicking each other in the last match and hitting an Indy Applause Stance! Come on man, that was in the last match! I didn't expect that out of D'Lo. D'Lo gets the advantage with an arm wringer and drop toe holds into a headlock. D'Lo blocks a hiptoss, but gets surprised with a left arm clothesline from Harris. Tenay puts over Harris' lefthanded-ness as a surprise to D'Lo. Wildcat hits a suplex, but D'Lo gets the advantage again quickly. Leg lariat by D'Lo leads to the SHAKY SHAKY LEGDROP~! and it gets two. Wildcat comes back with a Lou Thesz press and some punches on D'Lo, following it up with a back body drop and another left arm clothesline. Harris comes off the top with a cross body for two. D'Lo reverses an Irish Whip and goes for his version of the Catatonic, the Sudden Impact, on Harris but its blocked and turned into a Downward Spiral. Tenay then says that the move is very similar to the Catatonic. West then says they're exactly the same, which is why Harris knew how to block it. Tenay then says the SAME THING! West, not to be outdone and have his good point stolen, said that D'Lo doesn't know Chris Harris well, therefore, he didn't know that the Catatonic is Harris' finisher and that he'd most likely block it! West has definitely improved. Harris charges at D'Lo, but Brown moves out of the way and Harris spears the ref. D'Lo hits the Sky High and goes up top for the Lo' Down, but misses. It looked really bad as D'Lo took the bump badly. Harris heads to the top and misses a top rope elbow. Glen Gilberti gets into the ring and nails a Diamond Cutter on Harris, allowing D'Lo to roll over and get the pin, despite seeing the interference...

 

Winner: D'Lo Brown

 

My Opinion: They are definitely leaning towards a D'Lo heel run, but I just don't think that's good for business. Harris did a fine job in this match with D'Lo, but it wasn't given much time. The highlight of the match personally was listening to West and Tenay argue about the psychology of the Catatonic Reversal with West coming out on top for a change. *3/4.

 

West and Tenay pimp next weeks show, but I could care less as there is a MAJOR cutie standing behind West. Someone please tell me who she is! Anyway, next week, D'Lo vs. Jeff Jarrett. Yeah...I know that already. A BIG announcement for next week...involving NASCAR. Yawn. Don West says "next week" about 5 times in 30 seconds. Then, he tries to find another way of saying it and settles for..."this.....coming.....Wednesday!" God Bless Don West.

 

Sadistic Madness Tag Team Match:

 

The Disciples of the New Church (w/Father James Mitchell) & Sandman & Perry Saturn vs. XXX & The Harris Brothers

 

Match Background: In Week 30, Elix Skipper and Low-Ki defended their Tag Team Titles against The Disciples of the New Church but that match ended up in a dreaded double pin draw. The titles were vacated immediately, with XXX regaining the titles in Week 35 against AMW in a *** match. Last week, XXX faced the Disciples again with tons of interference, but the match ended after Malice came in and chokeslammed everyone! He took out XXX's third member, Low-Ki, and challenged them to a 4 on 4 match for tonight, with the newest Disciple member joining tonight. They went into the SEX locker room and were ambushed by XXX and the Harris Brothers. Tonight, Sandman and Saturn were revealed as the partners, although it has yet to be confirmed if either are with the Disciples, if at all.

 

The Match: Sandman comes to the ring with his usual entrance, driving a beer can into his forehead and busting himself open, like always. Because of this...he's the only person who can be pinned now. Saturn and Elix start out, with Saturn working quite...um...snug. Saturn barely sells Elix's forearms and overhead suplexes Elix and Daniels. Saturn is dangerously sloppy tonight. The Harris' come in and double big boot Saturn out. All of a sudden, all 8 men begin brawling! The Harris Brothers start concentrating on Sandman because he's already bleeding. Tag Team Assisted Powerbomb on a chair gets a broken up two count on Sandman. Daniels gets thrown HARD into the apron and exclaims "OH, shit!" The Harris Brothers nails Slash with a big boot to a chair into Slash's face....allowing Slash to blade. Elix hangs Saturn on the ropes and hits a top rope legdrop onto the back of his head. Only Daniels, Elix and Saturn are in the ring now as everyone is either at ringside or brawling in the crowd. Daniels goes for a Downward Spiral on Saturn and Perry just doesn't look like he cares for selling these days. Elix throws Saturn to the outside and hits a spinning plancha to the outside. Slash suddenly gets a surge of energy and Mitchell throws a spike to him. He nails Daniels with it and then drives it into his head as the Fallen Angel is bleeding! This starts an "Evil" chant as the Harris' come into the ring. They double chokeslam The Sandman, Lee and Saturn (with Tenay calling it an H-bomb) and now the ring has a bunch of guys in it. Not to mention, 5 of them are bald and Skipper practically is. It looks like a bad Royal Rumble. Elix comes off the top with a legdrop on Sandman out of nowhere! Daniels hits the double jump moonsault for two! Lee hits a double clothesline on Skipper and Daniels. Saturn and Daniels are the only guys left in the ring now! Saturn elevates Daniels up and then just THROWS him down in a nasty powerbomb. Saturn gets a Blue Thunder Bomb for two as well before Slash comes into the ring and nails one of the Harris Brothers with a chair for a two count of his own. It's getting VERY difficult to see where the action is. One of the Harris nails Slash with a title belt, but Slash kicks out at two. Once again, Daniels and Saturn are alone in the ring. Daniels hits an enziguiri and misses the double jump moonsault, allowing Saturn to get a Superkick for two. Death Valley Driver by Saturn gets a broken up two count as well. H-Bomb by the Harris as they come back in, but then all of a sudden The Truth comes into the ring and nails the Harris Brothers. THEN...KING MABEL comes into the ring and Baldo Bombs Daniels down! What the hell is the ref doing!? He's been arguing with someone on the outside all this time! Saturn gets on top of Daniels for the pinfall

 

Winners: Saturn, Sandman and the Disciples

 

My Opinion: What a disjointed mess. The bookers really dropped the ball with this match. They could have really made the Disciples a major force in TNA if they had gone over strong after they started to bleed, to reinforce what Mitchell said about them earlier. Instead, we get Mabel helping them go over. I liked the concept and it has a lot of potential, but there was a lot of dead weight in there tonight. Saturn is so unbelievably stiff and sloppy, it's scary. Once again, I have to reiterate....KING MABEL?!?! *1/4

 

All of a sudden, Gilberti and Siaki come into the ring and beat up the winning team. SEX set up two tables in the ring and XXX prepare to put Slash and Lee through them, but Jeff Jarrett comes running in with a chair! He nails every single member of SEX with a chair and clears the ring! D'Lo comes from behind and gets in Jarrett's face! D'Lo turns to leave...but Jarrett turns him around and nails HIM with the chair!

 

End of PPV...

 

Overall: Well, the card for tonight's show wasn't too promising to begin with, but we got a good first hour. The second hour was just very bland and the wrestling wasn't great. Raven's presence was definitely missed and I hope he's on the show next week. D'Lo/Jarrett, the selling point of next week, should be a good solid encounter. Why the HELL would TNA want Mabel!? I don't get it. I thought The Truth was a heel....why attack Daniels? Anyway, I wasn't satisfied with the X-Division matches tonight and they've got to put on more than just one a night.

 

Oh DAMMIT! Somehow, that just reminded me that Survivor aired tonight and not tomorrow! If anyone taped it and can hook me up, please drop me a line at [email protected]!

 

Hey...I'm not going to let you go that easy. DON'T forget, my WrestleMania Diatribe should be up next Monday or Tuesday and it will be EXCLUSIVE to TheSmartMarks.com

 

'Til next week,

 

The Dames, Damian Gonzalez

 

Any questions, comments, hate mail, fan mail, Survivor tapes, etc....email me at [email protected]

 

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