Guest TSMAdmin Report post Posted March 30, 2003 Hey yo... Man, is it snowing like a bitch or what? If you’re in the NYC/NJ area you know what I’m talking about. There’s gotta be AT LEAST 2 feet of snow on the ground now. As if shitty weather wasn’t enough to fuck up my weekend, I also have a bad case of the flu, so I’m not in exactly what you’d call the best of moods as I type this, having only got an HOUR of sleep if I’m lucky last night, which is why I’m going to stray from my usual play by play format for this week’s show. Okay, enough bitching about my current situation. It’s time for me to bitch about Heat instead. Heat opens up with the same Curt Hennig graphic that kicked off last week’s RAW. If you were expecting more of a tribute from WWE (and I know I was), then make sure to check out this week’s Confidential, where WWE will pay tribute to Curt Hennig, a true great in the wrestling industry. RAW Recap: Bischoff is fired... or is he? WOO-HOO! Bischoff is hanging around. I love Shane, but I’d rather see him replace his sister, who is a pretty boring GM. The horrible announce team is, as always, Jonathan Coachman (Back on Heat where he belongs... well, he doesn’t belong on TV at all, but you know what I mean) and Lita. Match One: Christopher Nowinski vs. THE RUNT OF THE DUDLEY LITTER, Spike Dudley By now you all know of my rabid hatred for Spike Dudley, so I’m praying that Nowinski picks up the win here. Decent technical exchanges start the match off until Spike gets tossed to the outside. Nowinski turns it into a brawl after that, choking Spike and using other various heel acts to get the crowd into this match. Spike hits the Dudley Dog out of NOWHERE for the win, and Nowinski JOBS TO THAT LITTLE PIECE OF CRAP! That makes no sense to me. Spike is a perennial Heat jobber, yet he goes over Nowinski who has a good amount of talent for his training and a hell of a lot of charisma in a very short match. ½* Commercials follow. The No Way Out theme is some crappy song by some band called Evanescence. Random Recap Segment: Chris Nowinski is at the World They’re really hyping up the guests at The World recently, after the abysmal failure that was RAW Tenth Anniversary. God was RAW X a waste of a perfectly AWESOME idea. Match Two: Steven Richards (w/ new pink tights) vs. Aaron Aguilera Aguilera wrestled a while back on Heat, if I remember correctly. Steven is wearing a new pair of electric pink tights. Aguilera was one of the infamous Los Conquistadores back in 2000, according to Lita. Pretty standard squash for Richards in about 3 minutes, which he wins with the STEVIE-T! ½* Lance Storm and William Regal will be in action tonight against Maven and Al Snow. That should be decent-ish. Commercials follow. RAW Recap: Goldust is ELECTROCUTED Word on the net is that Goldust will be returning with Tourette’s Syndrome. Well, that should be funny for about... oh 5 minutes. After the electrocution clips, they show Batista squash Dreamer, which leads to Booker T running in and beating the hell out of he and Flair, until the rest of THE EVOLUTION runs in (well, HHH hobbled in on crutches) and saves him. Steiner runs in and clears house, which gives us Triple H and Batista vs. Scott Steiner and Booker T for later tonight. That should be a pretty substandard main event... Victoria takes on Jacqueline next, and we get to see EXCLUSIVE clips of Theodore Long tossing D’Lo to the curb. Commercials follow. WWE Rewind: Jazz returns... ...And we have another decent wrestler to add to the always improving Women’s Division. Match Three: Victoria (w/ Steven Richards) vs. Jacqueline in a Non-title match Victoria gets hotter and hotter all the time. Jacqueline gets uglier and uglier all the time. Decent action to start it off. Victoria hits some nice suplexes while Jonathan Coachman salivates over Jacqueline. Jacqueline gets in little offense in the early goings, which makes me happy. I still don’t know why she’s employed. Eventually Jackie knocks Victoria out of the ring and takes both Victoria and Richards out with a plancha. Richards tries to interfere, but gets his ass handed to him by JACQUELINE. Oh yeah, Steven getting his ass kicked by a part time horrible women’s wrestler will surely get him over. Victoria hits the WIDOW’S PEAK (Sweet move) for the win while Jacqueline is distracted with Richards. After the match, Lita comments on Victoria’s ass being nice. For once I agree with Lita on something. * RAW Recap: D’Lo says goodbye D’Lo jobs to Booker T, which pisses Theodore Long off immensely. In some EXCLUSIVE HEAT FOOTAGE, Teddy Long tells D’Lo off for losing the match, and he says he’s got a backup plan. Redd Dogg runs in and beats the hell out of D’Lo and slams his head in a car door. Theodore and Redd Dogg (Now called Rodney Mack, or something) drive off. I haven’t seen Redd Dogg in the ring yet, but I hear NOTHING but bad things, so what sense does it make to drop D’Lo in favor of Redd Dogg? Oh well, hopefully D’Lo shows up in TNA where he can shine. I’ll miss you, D’Lo. RAW Recap: Vince fires Bischoff... or does he? My god did Vince sound SCARY when he was singing “Na na na na” to Bischoff. You know the deal. Bischoff guarantees Austin’s appearance at No Way Out, and is re-instated, much to my pleasure. GOD DAMN was I scared when Vince announced the new GM and Jim Ross hobbled down the ramp. Imagine GM Jim Ross... that would TRULY be hell. Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff should be... interesting, but in a good way. Commercials follow. Stacker 2 Burn of the Night: RVD and Kane beat 3 Minute Warning Main Event: William Regal and Lance Storm vs. Maven and Al Snow The crowd is really into this one, giving Regal hell and mocking his wave at the start of the match. He and Al Snow start off with some nice technical exchanges. Maven and Snow make it a point to work on the arms of their opponents. Good stuff. Maven and Snow control the match for the most part, with Storm and Regal slowing it down with mat wrestling every now and then. Snow gets the crap beat out of him for a while, then the standard MASSIVE heel beatdown happens when Maven gets tagged in. Dropkicks of DOOM all around. Eventually Storm drags Al Snow to the outside, Regal locks in the Regal Stretch and Maven taps in a decent tag contest. *3/4 Overall: Pretty shitty Heat this week. First Nowinski jobs to Spike Dudley, then Steven Richards gets his ass handed to him to JACQUELINE. With an exception of the hot main event tag which saved the show from being a complete failure, the matches were short and pretty much squashes. Heat may be a show of little importance, but they can do a better job. All right, now I'm off to take some Nyquil and fall asleep during RAW. Peter "FakeRazor" Ramoncolor> As always, you can reach me here. whacked Out wrestling http://www.thesmartmarks.com/forums/index.php?act=SF&f=48'>Archives Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
