WWE Confidential March 1, 2003

March 30, 2003

WWE Confidential March 1, 2003

At least by now my lateness does not come as a surprise to anyone, right? The only excuse I can think of is that I went out Sunday (when I usually write the review) and then went to Raw Monday night. I don’t really like posting this mid-week because it bogs down the reviews of people that are actually timely. So I decided to wait until the weekend. Last night’s show will either be up tonight or tomorrow. Scout’s honor… Then of course if I am late again, I will reveal to all of you that I never was a scout.

As for the Raw/Heat taping, it was alright. I have only seen two other TV tapings, a SmackDown taping during 2000’s Road to WrestleMania. I also saw one of the last Raws before the end of the Invasion angle in the fall of 2001. Quite frankly none of them were standout shows. I do highly recommend everyone watch Heat tonight, for it will be the last time you will see the Vertebreaker on WWE TV. The Steven Richards-Hurricane match also had good heat, so check it out. I was thinking that maybe after I finish this WrestleMania 2 review I’d do one of the shows I attended live. You know, just to mix things up a bit.

This (last) week on Confidential: The WWE-Playboy relationship and Jerry Lawler’s artwork is featured.

Gene takes this opportunity to explain what the WWE and Playboy have in common.

Cover Story

Torrie Wilson always dreamed of being in Playboy. You see, she “appreciates the art”. Hugh Hefner talks about the crossover audience between the two forms of entertainment. The Big Show believes that Torrie’s issue of Playboy will be the biggest one yet. I wonder what he’s on. Rey Rey shares Big Show’s sentiments and adds that this is “Torrie’s Time”. The King describes his visit to the mansion. He actually discusses things that do not relate to the women, including Hef’s personal zoo. A clip of Eddy Guerrero being dragged out of the Mansion is shown. That is taken from when he was protesting Chyna’s appearance in the magazine. All three of the guys (Show, Rey and King) talk about how jealous they are of Hef. Hefner goes to say that the expectations for Torrie are very high. Expect to be disappointed Hugh. That’s all I have to say. First, the business is in the shits. Second, Torrie is NOWHERE near as big as Sable or Chyna were in their heyday. I could understand Trish Stratus doing this gig, but Torrie just hasn’t reached the top yet. I would predict that Stacy Keibler would sell more issues that Torrie. That’s not to knock Torrie or anything. It’s just that she isn’t unbelievable looking and she isn’t THAT popular. Maybe I’m wrong. Only time will tell. As for this segment, it was a fucking waste of time. Seeing three grown men complain that they are not Hugh Hefner doesn’t really entertain me. It’s really sad how far this show has fallen. When was the last time they actually discussed a legitimate behind-the-scenes issue?

WrestleMaina Retro: Christian ~ The first WrestleMania he saw was I. Since he couldn’t get to a Closed Circuit Theater he put a hold on the video at the rental store. He rented it the day it came in and hosted a WrestleMania party at his house. His favorite WrestleMania match was the three-way ladder match at WrestleMania 2000

Segment 1: 0/1

Fantasy Match: Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper

Why the fuck do they still have this feature? Seriously, just air an old match with commentary from the wrestlers involved. That would be more rewarding to watch than an imaginary match in which the “result” makes no sense at all. Although the concept sucks big time, there are some classic Piper one-liners on here. The best one has to be “What exactly is it about you that I am supposed to respect; other than the fact that you are a short, scrawny, ugly jerk?”

Gerald Brisco: Jericho would psych Piper out very quickly. He believes that the sleeper hold is one of the most amazing moves ever and would beat the Walls of Jericho. WINNER: RODDY PIPER

The Coach: Piper would be the crowd favorite. He would also need to be very opportunistic, but in the end the Walls of Jericho would be prevail. WINNER: CHRIS JERICHO.

Chris Nowinski: The Walls of Jericho would be enough to put Piper away. He picks Jericho because it takes a genius to know a genius. WINNER: CHRIS JERICHO

Dr. Tom Prichard: He starts off with a very good Piper impression. He adds that the Walls are the superior submission hold, but Piper would win based on guts. WINNER: RODDY PIPER

Considering the picks are 2 to 2 I guess this is a draw… Never mind, the winner is Roddy Piper. Here is a tip, next time ask an odd number of people to pick the winner, this way one side would actually have more votes than the other. I fucking hate this concept, but the Piper stuff was fun.

Can someone explain to me what the point of these Los Guerreros vignettes are?

Segment 2: .5/2

The King displays all of his art memorabilia. One of his idols is Frank Frezetta, who paints exotic women. Lawler likes to reproduce art that he had seen elsewhere. It all started when he was given a John Magee: Learn to Draw kit. He enjoyed comic books at the time and drew many superheroes. His favorite artist is his high school art teacher Helen Stall. When Jerry was about ready to graduate high school he expected to be drafted for the Vietnam War, but his art teacher sent a portfolio of his art to many schools. He received a full-ride and got out of going to war. He and JR discuss how the King likes to doodle during Raw. This pisses JR off to no end because he it always frantic taking notes while the King is sketching naked women. He shows us some wrestling drawings including Shawn Michaels, Downtown Bruno (Harvey Wippleman) and Razor Ramon. Once he slows down with wrestling he plans on doing more art. If anyone wants to see some of the King’s art, check out his website.

The WrestleMania X-9 commercial is fucking great. Maybe Confidential will show how it was made…

Segment 3: 1/3

Clips of Rhyno’s SmackDown return are shown. An interview that was already on Confidential a few months ago follows. I don’t feel like digging out the original review, so lets make this short and sweet. His injury was a result of wear and tear. The injury became much worse since he put off getting it looked at. He goes into how depressing it is to be out for 16 months. Once he started working out again his spirits lifted. From here on in he will not be charging the turnbuckle head first, but the rest of his repertoire will remain the same. More SmackDown clips end this segment. I missed SmackDown, so the clips were a nice touch for me personally. The rest of you could probably give a damn. Also, why not just interview Rhyno again instead of re-airing one we already saw? Oh yeah… this is the WWE. I keep thinking that a competent promotion is running this show. Silly me.

Segment 4: 1.5/4

An episode of Confidential would not be complete without a segment on how a commercial was made. This week’s victim would be the Big Show, Tony Stewart and Scott Wimmer Stacker 2 commercial. Why do they feel the need to show us this shit EVERY DAMN WEEK? That’s right, this is the WWE. At least I caught myself this time.

Stacy Keibler goes lingerie shopping with some chick that won a radio contest. Yup, watching women shop is just as dull as being there live as they are shopping.

Segment 5: 1.5/5

To cap off this horrid show we get to find out which WWE employees would be willing to pose nude. Since no one cares about the prudes who say no, I’ll just tell you who said, or hinted towards, yes. Stacy Keibler, Victoria and The Coach. Everyone else either flat out said no, or had some extraneous reason for it like having a kid. Trish was inconclusive with her, “No, not right now.” *waits 10 seconds* How about now?

Segment 6: 1.5/6

Maybe I put off doing this show because it utterly sucked. That is always a possibility. This is up there as one of the worst Confidentials ever. See ya soon with last night’s show. In the mean time I’m going to K-Mart to buy a shotgun.

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