WWE Confidential March 8, 2003

March 30, 2003

WWE Confidential March 8, 2003

Just when I was about to blow this off I got this e-mail from Mike K:

By the way...you have till midnight to post the 3-8 Confidential Report, or else you are no scout. (This is just to show you that I was paying attention)

To set the record straight, I am not a scout, but I felt guilty for breaking my promise. You can all thank Mike for this one.

This week on Confidential: Trish Stratus on MAD TV and Edge speaks out about his injury.

Gene kicks things off by telling us the story of Nathan Jones’ past. In a nutshell, Jones was forced through means of interrogation to admit to a crime he did not commit. The crime in question being armed robbery. He figured that he would get out on bail, hire a lawyer and fight the miscarriage of justice. His lawyer said that since there was a confession, he had no case. Jones' figured that since he would be doing the time, he may as well commit the crime. Gene offers a "Viewer Discretion is advised" warning.

Quite frankly I, like many other people, have no idea whether this whole story is true or just fabricated crap from the WWE. Based on Gene's backstory, I'm leaning towards BS for a couple of reasons. First, I doubt that those who commit armed robbery would be allowed out on bail, even in Australia. Secondly, if you were forced to admit to a crime you did not commit and there was little hard evidence pointing at you besides the confession, you would have a viable case. Maybe Jones' comments will cause me to change my stance.

Cover Story

Nathan Jones found the idea of going to prison exciting. I'm sure some of you will draw your own conclusions from that, but I will not. He was put in solitary confinement for seven months based on his size. Jones' shares the story of being transported to the courthouse. When the guards came for him, they asked that he put his hands out to be cuffed. He refused, so they filled his cell up with mice. Even the BIG AND MIGHTY NATHAN JONES couldn't handle a few mice; thus he gave himself up. While in the paddywaggon on the way to the courthouse Jones broke through the steel bars and glass separating him from the guards. The guards freaked out and pulled over. For whatever reason they asked Jones' what he wanted. He gave them a bunch of requests including a limousine and they complied. He finds this whole thing to be very humorous.

OK, that was total bullshit. Why the hell would the Australian Police Force give in to the demands of an unarmed, handcuffed prisoner? Well, the Aussies are not prided on their intelligence, right?

The first time Jones' broke out of his cell was when the police were on strike. Considering he said, "First time", I would imagine that was a normal occurrence. Anyway, Nathan kicked his door off the hinges and strolled to the kitchen, where he helped himself to some food. He took some food back to the other inmates and watched TV until the Chief came running after him.

That story sounded even more absurd than the first one. Although I believe this is all utter crap, Nathan pulls off the crazy gimmick well, so it's not a complete loss.

WrestleMania Retro: D-Von Dudley ~ Like Christian, the first WrestleMania D-Von saw was in 1985. Also like Christian, his favorite match was the three-way ladder match from 2000. D-Von adds that WrestleMania really does make heroes and dreams come true. These segments are much cooler than the usual WrestleMania Moment crap they show during Raw and SmackDown!.

Segment 1: .5/1

The Big Show narrates the SmackDown! tour of South Africa. Lucky for him, the Raw bunch got stuck in India. He starts by walking around the marketplace, which features many different types of art. He bought a bag made out of an alligator for over $1,000. The bag actually has the gator's hands on it. From there he watched the Zulu dancers. Then it was showtime. Whenever the WWE travels to another country the crowds are always hot and this was no different. It's really amazing to see how racially mixed the crowd is. Several years ago you never would have seen that. It's nice that the WWE Superstars embrace the culture of whichever country they are in. The segment was nothing special, but learning about the African culture was cool.

Segment 2: 1/2

We get some clips of Trish Stratus filming a skit on MAD TV. She plays a sorority girl who gets into some pretty precarious situations. Since they want us to actually watch the show, not much is given away on Confidential. In short, Trish hopes to use MAD TV as her platform to show her talents outside of wrestling like The Rock did on Saturday Night Live.

Segment 3: 1/3

More with Nathan Jones. His first fight in prison was with a big Tongan. That guy got a few good shots in and went to bite Nathan's neck. Jones took that opportunity to bite the guys ear off. The guy put his hand out in front of Jones’ face, so he bit the guy’s finger and would not let go until several other inmates broke it up. The guy was supposedly a bully, so Jones thinks he got what he had coming.

There was another "bully" who went as far as to hurt Nathan's friend. To make a long story short, Jones beat the crap out of him and strangled him within an inch of his life. He enjoyed terrorizing a man who had terrorized many other men in the past. That Nathan… He tells a good story.

Gene adds that Nathan went on to win the World's Stronger Man competition twice. He was also in a movie with Jackie Chan.

Another one of those Los Guerreros vignettes airs.

Segment 4: 1.5/4

Edge discusses his injury and being out for the next year. When he first learned about needing surgery, his first thought was "I don't want to miss two WrestleManias". Michael Hayes, being the nice guy that he is, tells Edge that even if he can't come back, he lived his dream. Edge adds that he never FULFILLED his dream of winning the WWE Title. Edge went down to Dr. Jay Youngblood. Let me tell you, Youngblood must be living very nicely based on the amount of business he gets from the WWE. Edge has two herniated disks and one with a bone spur. Originally Youngblood thought that Edge would need to get three disks fused, which would have ended his career, but that was not the case. He will be getting a surgery from the front of his neck, where an incision is made on his throat. His throat and voice box will be moved over to expose the spinal cord. Some bone from his hip will be jammed in where the disks are and hopefully that will resolve the problem. This is similar to the surgery that Steven Richards had way back when, which resulted in his raspy voice. Many of the other Superstars who have had the same or a similar injury like Rhyno, Benoit and Scotty 2 Hotty have all told Edge to enjoy his time off. Steve Austin promised to visit him a few times and Shawn Michaels offered him a home-cooked meal, since Edge would be rehabbing in San Antonio. Overall, Edge is not scared, but is depressed because he thought that his career was finally taking off and now this injury has turned into a major roadblock. Hopefully he will have no complications and will be back in the shortest amount of time necessary.

Segment 5: 2.5/5

The final segment is simply WrestleMania Retro with Rob Van Dam. RVD attended WrestleMania III live. The lucky bastard sat in the 24th row. Fast-forward to WrestleMania X-8 where he made his WM debut by winning the Intercontinental Title from William Regal.

Next week is a rerun, which I never caught the first time around; so you will all be getting a brand-spanking-new review. Once I finish that show, I would have written up EVERY episode of Confidential. Not too many other people could say that... Then again, not too many people would want to say that.

Segment 6: 3/6

The show was a hell of a lot better than last week's pitiful attempt. That isn't really saying much though.

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