Best way to kill a kitten

[Guest Vern Gagne]

Damn It

[Guest snuffbox]

You kill the kitten, I kill you.

 

No joke.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

"You kill the kitten, I kill you."

 

I'll help.

 

Cats > Humans...

[Guest Flyboy]

Eat the pussy.

[Guest Memoirs of an Invisible Chevy]

Eat the pussy.

Flyboy, have some respect for yourself. You'll only be considered a slut if you offer up your pussy that easily.

[Guest Memoirs of an Invisible Chevy]

Elv1s:

 

Stick little razor blades into mushed cat food, and watch while the dumb cats attempts to rip out their insides because of the constant cuts from the blades.

 

credit: Slaughterhouse Five

[Guest Nevermortal]

Put broken glass in its food.

 

Climb onto your bed, and jump off onto it.

 

Hit it with a meat hammer.

 

Stick it in a blender.

 

Throw it out a moving vehicle.

 

Drown it in a lake.

 

Break light bulbs over it.

 

Stuff it in a sock, and swing it wildly around the room, making sure to thrash it into walls.

 

Stick it down the garbage disposal.

 

Beat it with a heated pan.

 

'Accidentally' Run it over with your car.

 

Give it a Ganso Bomb.

 

My favorite....keep it in a tupperware container for a long period of time. Don't forget to duct tape it shut!

[Guest Annoyed Grunt]

I thought for sure this was a reference to a Steven Lynch song

[Guest CED Ordonez]

Wrap your arm in some heavy cloth and give it a few chokeslams. It won't kill it, but after a few of them, it should learn to leave you alone. Everyone wins.

[Yuna_Firerose 0]

As an owner of 16 of the furry lil critters,

 

How exactly did you end up with 16 cats? That seems like a bit much.

I miscounted. We actually have 15. Let's see...

 

We moved in with three originally: Mimi, Teddy, and Bubsy. Interesting backstory: Teddy is the son of Mimi, and Bubsy is their son. Incestuous cats.....eww.

 

Fourth and Fifth was Smokey and Orangey. Orangey was a cat that just walked in one night, and Smokey was one we cat-napped. We drove by our old house and she was sitting outside in the middle of fuckin' December, so yeah, we had to rescue her. They're inside and outside cats, which is great.

 

Sixth was Puff-n-Stuff.....how the HELL he ended up with a name like that is beyond me. He was bought at the pet shop, because my mom has a soft spot for orange kittens.

 

Seventh and Eigth was given to us by a neighbor who a) is allergic to cats and b) just became pregnant. Why she had the two cats, Zoey and Midnight, in the first place, is dumb. Midnight's declawed and a cuddler, so of course he's a cuddler.

 

Ninth and Tenth were also given to us...sorta. Lucky was given to us, but Charlie was one that mom had to cat-nap, due to it's owner going to the mental ward.

 

Eleventh was a cat that mom found when she came home from work. We must have a sign that says KITTY MOTEL over our door, because this very-pregnant cat was on our porch. Missy looks like she was caught in her first heat, and quite frankly, looked way too skinny to be a mom. It must've been some fuck, because this tiny barely-adult cat gave birth to SEVEN KITTENS! We gave away Fozzy, Jericho, and the runt, but kept four, which we were NOT planning on. Because they were weaned early, three of the four have an oral fixation. Raven actually NURSES from this one fur coat we have, and Princess sucks on ears. Duchess acts like her name, and Rindy is too damn cuddly for her own good.

 

So, yeah, there's all 15 accounted for.

[Guest Choken One]

U name those fucking wastes of Space? Get rid of them you sick freak.

[Guest Downhome]

I am in awe over this thread, seriously.

 

I once knew a mother fucker who would bury various animals, cats and the such, in the ground with their heads sticking out. After that, he would "cut the grass".

 

I shit you not.

 

He's since been "taken away".

[Guest Choken One]

Hey...I know that guy...Man, Could he give great head...

[Guest Downhome]

Hey...I know that guy...Man, Could he give great head...

*bada bing*

 

*slaps Choken One*

[Yuna_Firerose 0]

U name those fucking wastes of Space? Get rid of them you sick freak.

Yes, I do. Oh yeah, don't forget our two mice

[Guest Choken One]

Hey...I know that guy...Man, Could he give great head...

*bada bing*

 

*slaps Choken One*

:::Smiles at the blood, Devours the nectar as it drips onto my aching tounge:::

[Guest Vern Gagne]

I once knew a mother fucker who would bury various animals, cats and the such, in the ground with their heads sticking out. After that, he would "cut the grass".

 

I shit you not.

 

He's since been "taken away".

Isn't that how serial killers get started.

[Guest Downhome]

I once knew a mother fucker who would bury various animals, cats and the such, in the ground with their heads sticking out. After that, he would "cut the grass".

 

I shit you not.

 

He's since been "taken away".

Isn't that how serial killers get started.

I am one to believe that is why he was "taken away". The guy was seriously disturbed, you wouldn't believe it. Well, some of you would, but you get my point.

[Guest Choken One]

I'm telling you guys...This guy wasn't all that bad...Just misunderstood...

 

Downhome...If you would have just let him go down on ya like he wanted maybe the world would be better for him wouldn't it? But you had to hog all the glory for your Mother. Didn't Ya, Fucker?

[Guest Downhome]

I'm telling you guys...This guy wasn't all that bad...Just misunderstood...

 

Downhome...If you would have just let him go down on ya like he wanted maybe the world would be better for him wouldn't it? But you had to hog all the glory for your Mother. Didn't Ya, Fucker?

 

I've been flamed, and I don't even hat you.

[Guest MarvinisaLunatic]

Man...the title of this thread threw me for a loop.

[Guest Vitamin X]

You know, the most idiotic thing in american society today is kitten killing.

 

Me? I'm more for puppy gutting!!

 

See, dogs are compeltely worthless, bile, codependent, overly aggressive, LOUD, stupid things. Cats set an example for the rest of fucking humanity by taking what they have in lfie and just enjoying. My cat, eat, sleeps, gets affection..and she is content with it. I used to have a dog but the motherfucker if he even caught SIGHT of you would be all over you. Not olnly that but they are horny as fuck regardless of if you get them spayed or neuteured.

 

So next time kiddies, remember..no kitten killing.

 

PUPPY GUTTING.

 

Thank you.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

The answer to your problems lies in a nerf football. Just bean the little fucker as hard as you can with a nerf ball. It will scare the hell out of it, injure it lightly, and it will associate your smell with fear and pain. Problem solved.

[Guest Choken One]

or cut open the Nerk ball...and stuff it in there and toss it around with your deranged neighborer...

[Guest Downhome]

If you really want to get the animal to just stop fucking with you, then purchase some of those little "pop things". You know the sort, something that people sale at firework shops and everything, the little white balls with a string on the end. You toss them on the ground, and they go POP~!

 

I've had a few animals that wouldn't quit shitting with me, so I just tossed a few of these at it every so offten, and in no time, it never came to me again.

 

If you are doing this just because it's bothering you, and you are serious about killing, then fuck you. It's just a kitten, wanting attention.

 

Would you ask how to kill a toddler that kept crawling to you and everything?

 

I'm thinking I'll regret asking you that.

[Guest SP-1]

Or, y'know, just ask your cousin to keep an eye on it. Pop it lightly on the nose or something when it claws you. It'll learn. But kill it? That's just wrong.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Would you ask how to kill a toddler that kept crawling to you and everything?

 

I'm thinking I'll regret asking you that.

Killing humans is wrong, they actually have some worth and may be something good in the future.

[Guest Vitamin X]

Would you ask how to kill a toddler that kept crawling to you and everything?

 

I'm thinking I'll regret asking you that.

Killing humans is wrong, they actually have some worth and may be something good in the future.

 

 

Funniest thing I heard all day.

 

...wait, you're not serious are you?

[Guest hardyz1]

When the game of life makes you feel like quittin'

It helps a lot if you kill a kitten

Mark my words cuz from where I'm sittin'

You can't go wrong if you kill a kitten

 

There's no crime that you'll be committin'

I know the law, you can kill a kitten

If you need yarn for that scarf you're knittin'

You'll get plenty if you kill a kitten

 

Feed it turpentine

Or break its spine

Crush him with your shoe

As long as you

Kill a kitten

 

If the one you love isn't quite as smitten

She'll like you better if you killl a kitten

Quote the bible cuz that's where it's written

If ye loveth Jesus ye must kill a kitten

 

Flsuh him down the can

Hit him with your hand

Drown him in a lake

Bake a kitty cake

Throw him at a train

Make him snort cocaine

Stick some TNT

Up his cat booty

Do what you must do

As long as you

Kill a kitten

 

Killin' kittens isn't easy

And if the thought makes you feel queasy

Grab a pitchfork from the shed

And kill a puppy dog instead

 

Kill a kitten

Kill a kitten

A little furry kitten

A little furry kitten

 

In a related note, check this out. It's bad enough that they're protesting this song, but then they say "Stephen Lynch is not funny." Fucking humorless dickfaces. They are some humans we could do without.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

:Piledrives Sandman on a copy of Cat Fancy magazine: