WWE Smackdown on EWR thread

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

Torrie Wilson is backstage, when Nathan Jones comes over. He asks her out on a date, but she just laughs and walks off.

 

Stephanie McMahon comes to the ring. Out from the back comes Ernest Miller, who hits the ring and attacks. Steph gets bounced around the ring by punches and kicks. After playing to the crowd for a while, The Cat heads toward the back. Stephanie McMahon gets up slowly, and calls for back-up. Police officers appear near the stage. Ernest Miller runs back into the ring. Ernest Miller moves in for the kill. Feliner!!! That shook the ring. He stomps away, but the police hit the ring and handcuff him, before dragging him backstage, leaving Steph down in the ring, hurt.

 

A-Train vs Funaki : Funaki gets squashed in the corner with a clothesline. A-Train hits a sloppy double axe handle. Hooks the leg for a two count. Funaki elbows A-Train in the face to break a hammerlock. Spinning back kick from Funaki. Funaki uses a basement dropkick to the knee. Cover for a two count. Diamond Dust from Funaki, A-Train is out. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Flying elbow from Funaki. A-Train counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. A-Train hits a bulldog off the ropes. Cover for a two count. A-Train scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. A-Train slams Funaki down. Big John Studd would be proud, no doubt. A-Train hits a right hand on Funaki. Funaki kicks A-Train in the gut to reverse the momentum. Spin kick by Funaki to the face. Vicious kick to the teeth from Funaki. Funaki moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Tornado DDT. 1....2...3, it's finished. It was close to a ** match, but one too many blown spots knocks it down to a *1\2 rating.

 

Chavo Guerrero vs Billy Kidman : Second rope flying axe handle, Kidman goes down. Lightning kick by Chavo on Kidman. Cover for a two count. Billy Kidman powers out of a Chavo Guerrero headlock. Stiff high kick on Chavo by Billy Kidman who has evidently been watching some old AJPW tapes recently. Driven DDT by Billy Kidman. The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. There's a two count on the pin. Tiger suplex on Chavo, right from out of the Misawa playbook. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Chavo takes a flying neckbreaker from Billy Kidman. Billy Kidman misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Beautiful spinning arm drag out of the corner by Chavo. There's a two count on the pin. Diamond Dust from Chavo Guerrero, Kidman is out. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Hard back suplex on Kidman. Anyone remember when that was Shawn Michaels's finisher? Chavo hits a massive spinning kick to the jaw. Kidman powers out of a headlock. Hard back suplex on Chavo. Anyone remember when that was Shawn Michaels's finisher? Tornado DDT from Billy Kidman, Chavo got planted. Chavo Guerrero is in trouble. Kid Krusher!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Worth a ** rating, but no more than that.

 

Brian Kendrick vs Rikishi : Rikishi strikes Brian Kendrick. Rikishi hits a bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. Kendrick reverses a Rikishi hammerlock. Stiff high kick on Rikishi by Brian Kendrick who has evidently been watching some old AJPW tapes recently. Second rope flying axe handle, Rikishi goes down. Cover for a two count. DDT from the top rope by Brian Kendrick. That looked brutal. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Hard back suplex on Rikishi. Anyone remember when that was Shawn Michaels's finisher? Brian Kendrick misses a clothesline. Rikishi hits a sloppy double axe handle. Cover for a two count. Rikishi scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Pin, but Kendrick is out just before the three count. Kendrick gets squashed in the corner with a clothesline. Rikishi hits a right hand on Brian Kendrick. Kendrick counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Rikishi takes a flying neckbreaker from Brian Kendrick. Springboard dropkick from Brian Kendrick. Nicely done. Brian Kendrick floors Rikishi...and climbs the turnbuckles. Through the air, Sliced Bread #2! 1....2....3. I'll give it a *1\2 rating.

 

Nathan Jones vs Jamie Noble : Noble receives some unexciting punishment. Noble blocks a punch. Kick from Jamie Noble to the leg. Noble whips Nathan into the turnbuckles...and predictably, the referee gets sandwiched. Back heel kick off the second rope, Nathan goes down. Cover, but there's no one to count for Jamie Noble. Nathan Jones powers out of a Jamie Noble headlock. Nathan slams Jamie Noble down. Big John Studd would be proud, no doubt. Nathan hits a stump piledriver on Jamie Noble, although it was quite weak in its execution. There's a two count on the pin. Nathan DDTs Jamie Noble. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Nathan walks into a trip. Flying cross body off the top rope! Even Steamboat would have applauded the execution on that. Pin, but Nathan is out just before the three count. Nathan Jones ducks a clothesline attempt. Nathan Jones moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Full Nelson Slam. 1....2...3, it's finished. Torrie Wilson has grabbed a chair. Nathan walks over...and gets floored with a hard shot. Noble also takes a hard shot. Torrie has laid everybody out! I'll give it a **1\2 rating.

 

Torrie Wilson is backstage, when Undertaker comes over. He asks her out on a date, and she accepts.

 

Undertaker \ Torrie vs Nunzio \ Palumbo : Running knee lift from Undertaker. Undertaker hits a stump piledriver on Nunzio. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Torrie Wilson. Torrie \ Undertaker hook up Nunzio, then hit a double suplex. Torrie Wilson strikes Nunzio. Hooks the leg for a two count. Weak kicks from Torrie, who is moving very slowly. Nunzio reverses a Torrie Wilson hammerlock. Nunzio nearly kills Torrie with a released tiger suplex. Tag to Chuck Palumbo. Running knee lift from Chuck Palumbo. Spear by Chuck Palumbo. Torrie reverses a Chuck Palumbo hammerlock. Tag to Undertaker. Spear by Undertaker. Massive lariat, apparently Undertaker has been watching The Best Of Stan Hansen again. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Palumbo takes a headbutt from Undertaker. Chuck Palumbo fights out of a grapple. Massive backbreaker, Undertaker got planted. Early reports indicate that the back was *not* actually broken, so the move's name should actually be backhurter. Chuck Palumbo moves in for the kill. Jungle Kick! 1....2....3. Nathan Jones comes running down the aisle, and gets into the ring! Torrie turns around...straight into a Full Nelson Slam!! Torrie Wilson has been left down on the canvas. I'll give it a **1\2 rating.

 

John Cena vs Tajiri : Tajiri receives some punishment. Tajiri takes the advantage after a i-block-your-punch-you-don't-block-mine routine. Dropkick connects, Cena goes down. John Cena charges, Tajiri moves, and the referee is conveniently placed to get knocked out. Springboard dropkick from Tajiri. Nicely done. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is conveniently laid out. John Cena elbows Tajiri in the face to break a hammerlock. Big clothesline on Tajiri. Tajiri walks into a spike slam. Cover for a two count. Brutal powerbomb on Tajiri. Pin, but Tajiri is out just before the three count. Tajiri counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Spinning bulldog in the corner, Cena is down. Pin, but Cena is out just before the three count. Tajiri drops an elbow...but misses. Fate can be so cruel. John Cena moves in for the kill. Death Valley Driver! 1....2....3. Almost wandered into *** match territory, but there was too much that dragged it down so it only gets a **3\4 rating.

 

Brock Lesnar is in the ring, when John Cena walks out onto the stage. They argue, and the distraction Cena causes proves to be enough, as Lesnar doesn't notice Team Angle coming out of the crowd until they are already within striking distance. He gets beaten down as John Cena looks on from the stage.

 

Brock Lesnar vs Matt Hardy Version 1.0 (For The WWE World Title) : Dropkick connects, Lesnar goes down. Spinning back kick from Matt Hardy Version 1.0. Matt Hardy Version 1.0 hits a rolling kick on Lesnar. Second rope flying axe handle, Lesnar goes down. Lesnar drops out the back of a Matt Hardy Version 1.0 bodyslam attempt. Running knee lift from Brock Lesnar. Massive backbreaker, Mattitude got planted. Early reports indicate that the back was *not* actually broken, so the move's name should actually be backhurter. Cover for a two count. Mattitude powers out of a headlock. Lesnar takes a hurrancarana from Matt Hardy Version 1.0. There's a two count on the pin. Tiger suplex on Lesnar, right from out of the Misawa playbook. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Lesnar counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker. Chanelling the spirit of Misawa, Brock Lesnar uses a forearm to the face. Matt Hardy Version 1.0 fights out of a grapple. Legsweep out of Nowhere. Where is Nowhere, and why do moves keep coming out of there? Does it have a factory? Shannon Moore comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Brock Lesnar turns around.... Twist Of Fate!!! That shook the ring. MFer leaves the ring, the damage done! Pin, three count, it's over. Matt Hardy Version 1.0 pins Lesnar. Mattitude and MFer are putting the boots to Brock Lesnar! Chris Benoit comes running down the aisle with a chair! He slides in, sending Mattitude running for cover. Chris Benoit bends down to help Lesnar back up. Wait! Matt Hardy Version 1.0 slides back in and attacks! Chris Benoit fights back...but is then jumped by MFer as well! Both Benoit and Lesnar are subjected to a beat down by Mattitude, leaving them down and out on the canvas. *** rating, as it was good, but nothing too special.

 

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