Tod deKindes visits Smackdown!

[Guest Tod deKindes]

If ya'll like, I'll write up a part 2 pretty soon.

 

***

 

In a not so distant universe, anything is possible...

 

---

 

Toronto, Ontario, Canada; the Air Canada Center. On a nondescript date, the Smackdown crew are holding one of their many TV tapings inside the Ontario metropol. Known for its cutting edge and willingness to always try new talent, the brand's GM Stephanie McMahon has made a deal with a fairly famous commissioner from another federation and agreed to give one of its wrestlers a tryout on the show.

 

A few hours before showtime, we find Ms. McMahon in her office on the phone.

 

Steph: ... I assure you, he will get the best of treatment here on Smackdown ............ Hasn't wrestled in a while? That's all right. I have a wide range of opponents for him. I'm sure he can get back on track. And based on his credentials, I could book him against just about anybody! ...... Don't worry, Mr. King, I will be glad to take him off your hands for tonight ...... Very well, then ... All right. Say hi to Mr. Flesher for me. Bye-bye. (hangs up)

 

She spent a few more minutes reading quietly the file in her hands, until a knock was heard at the door.

 

Steph: Come in.

 

A stagehand peeked his head in through the doorway.

 

SH: Miss, the Guerreros just called, they're gonna be a little late. Something about a flight attendant saying a joke about their grandma. They're detained at the airport. Long story.

 

Steph: Wonderful. Make sure they come see me once they get here.

 

SH: Yes, ma'am.

 

Steph: Oh, and do me a favor. We have a new wrestler coming in tonight for a tryout. Make sure his accomodations fit his liking.

 

SH: Yes, ma'am.

 

As he left, another messenger boy came in.

 

SH#2: Miss, your father won't be able to make it for tonight.

 

Steph: Why not? He said he'd be back from France tonight.

 

SH#2: Well, apparently, since he's been on this kick of resigning old stars; someone failed to tell him about Andre The Giant's unfortunate demise...

 

Steph: Oh boy. Where does he draw the line ... ? ... Um, thanks. I'll try calling him.

 

...

 

Further down the hallways, wrestlers and agents alike are circulating, some of them planning out their matches in their heads or just carrying basic conversation with their fellow employee...

 

Johnny Ace: (speaking with Dave Finlay) So then I says to her, I says...

 

Billy Kidman suddenly storms in, oddly enough already in his wrestling gear.

 

Ace: I'll finisher this later. (to Billy) What is it now, Billy?

 

Kidman: (sounding a bit worried and nervous) ... Well ... am I gonna be over tonight?

 

Ace: (to Finlay) He does this every week. (to Billy) Now now, son, I've told you before, you CAN'T have Torrie as your valet anymore.

 

Kidman: (looking disappointed) ... But --

 

Ace: No.

 

Kidman: But I --

 

Ace: No.

 

Kidman: ... But I -- !

 

Ace: No, Billy. Now go on and play with Jamie Noble.

 

Kidman: But Jamie's mean to me!

 

Ace: (almost parent-like) Billy. Go.

 

Kidman: ... Fine. (sulks off)

 

Ace: (back to Finlay) So, I says to her, I says ...

 

...

 

Over at one of the rear entrances, a few more wrestlers are wandering around.

 

Bill deMott: ... So the chicken then says:" ... I'd buy THAT for a dollar!" HAHAHAHAHAH! Ain't that funny?

 

Nunzio and Johnny Stamboli look at each other not too impressed.

 

Bill: C'mon, I said IT'S FUNNY!!!

 

Nunzio: ... Eh. Lil bit.

 

Johnny: Vito told 'em bettah.

 

Bill: Who?

 

Nunzio: Le's get outta heah.

 

Bill: WAIT! I got another one! Did you hear the one about (Nunzio and Johnny start to leave) the armadillo at the poncho factory? Hey where you goin'? Guys!! HEY!!

 

...

 

The nearby door casually swung open, revealing another semi-famous Torontonian.

 

Tod deKindes: Damn! Haven't been here in a while ...

 

As he started to walk around, a few of the wrestlers nodded to him. One in particular seemed overexcited.

 

Crash: Wow! It's you! It's so cool to finally meet you!

 

Tod: (furrowing his brow) ... Uhh, yeah! Hey! ... Good to see you too ... *cough* (starts to walk off)

 

Crash: (follows him) I'm such a huge fan of you guys, I've attended almost ALL of your shows!

 

Tod: (stops to think about that for a second) ... Um, but you work here.

 

Crash: Oh, it's not like they notice I'm gone anyway.

 

Tod: ... Right. (resumes his walk, with Crash in tow) Where's Stephanie McMahon's office?

 

Crash: Well, it's ...... um, well, to be honest, I'm not allowed direct contact with Stephanie. Nor Vince. Nor Linda ... Especially not Linda.

 

Tod: ... Ooo-kay. Hey! You wanna do me a big favor?

 

Crash: Sure thing!

 

Tod: Get me a drink over there, pronto! (shoves him towards the direction he's pointing)

 

Crash: But that's the boiler room. Hey!

 

He turns around ... but Tod's gone!

 

Crash: Aw, shucks. That's another one! ...... (hits himself repeadetly) Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid ... !

 

...

 

Later in the hallways, Tod begins his search of the GM's office. Little does he know about the individual about to accost him ...

 

John Cena: Hey, YO!!!

 

Tod: (heart skips a beat) Whoa! Don't hurt me!! Here!! (fishes out his wallet and holds it out)

 

Cena: Naw, foo, this ain't about DAT! Listen here, homey, this here mah new rhyme that ahm gonn' be layin' DOWN on dat foo Brock Lesnar tonite! Check dis. (clears throat) ..."Yo! Brock Lesnar -- so-called champion of the WWE -- but try as he might, he ain't John Cena, aka ME -- Maybe he don't understand English in his small and depraved brain -- so ah might as well talk in different languages, and tell his ass Auf Wiedersehen!! BOO-Yah!!"

 

Tod: That's, um ... cute. You sure you don't want this? (still holding out his wallet)

 

Cena: Naw. Check dis. "John Cena, whoopin' ass, takin' names and rakin' in da green -- Deez threads don't come cheap, and they ain't no five-finga discount, if you know what I mean. YEAH!!"

 

Tod: ... Ok, then. Listen, my, um ... brother. You know where Stephanie McMahon's office is?

 

Cena: Oh, down the hall to the left.

 

Tod: Thanks. Um ... word for life. Or something.

 

Cena: BOO-YAH!!

 

And off Tod goes, on his merry way towards Stephanie's office...

 

To Be Continued...

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

Funny enough to warrant a sequel

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

PART 2. NOW.

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

*holds up sign reading "Tod+SD!=GREATNESS."*

[Guest Tod deKindes]

Part 2 sometime tomorrow.

[Guest Crowe]

I eagerly await the sequel... the Crash bit = gold.

[Guest Tod deKindes]

I know I said 'tomorrow' (as in friday), but I'm worn out and I just spent two hours typing up the results of our last show (the fed I work at), but I do promise I'll get out a part 2 later tonight (saturday).

 

Part 2: Tod talks with Stephanie McMahon! But more importantly, what does The Undertaker think about that!?