Guest eiker_ir Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini skirt and high heeled boots. I am tan and very buffed. I work out everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like? Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 125 kilos. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old T-shirt, it's got some barbeque sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny. Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me? Wellhung: OK Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge swelling bulge. Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat. Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest. Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling. Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly. Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off. Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing and pulling. Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry. Sweetheart: That's OK. It wasn't really too expensive. Wellhung: I'll pay for it. Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder. Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do you have scissors? Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts, my nipples are erect for you. Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby I just want to feel your tongue all over me. Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat! Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear. Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm. Sweetheart: WHAT? Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really. Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains of my blouse. Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it in the corner of the room. Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool. Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee! Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties. Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out and nibbling on you..ummm, wait a second. Sweetheart: What's the matter? Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking. Sweetheart: Are you OK? Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red. Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help? Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups? Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink! Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better. Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover. Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now. Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover. Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark, I'm lost. Where is the bedroom? Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall. Wellhung: I found it. Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly. Wellhung: Me too. Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against each other. Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts. Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off? Wellhung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the nightstand. Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby! Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom. Sweetheart: Hurry back lover. Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet and lift the lid. Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return. Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle. Uh-oh! Sweetheart: What's the matter now? Wellhung: I just realised I peed in your hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way. Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on. Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know...thing in your, um, woman's thing. Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it! Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth BUTT. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm having a little problem here. Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another second. Slide it in! Screw me! Wellhung: I'm flaccid. Sweetheart: WHAT? Wellhung: I'm limp...I can't sustain an erection. Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face. Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is. Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed, I'm putting on my underwear and my wet nasty blouse. Wellhung: No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across the dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and your candles. Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes. Wellhung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a shocked look on my face. Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER! Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Nooooooo! Some of you people might have seen it....but is too funny for others to miss Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Youth N Asia Report post Posted April 28, 2003 (edited) ...where did you get this? I read it a few months ago Edited April 29, 2003 by Youth N Asia Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest eiker_ir Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Friday the 13th Boards Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DawnBTVS Report post Posted April 28, 2003 That is SO fucking gold Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CoreyLazarus416 Report post Posted April 28, 2003 ...Best...cybersex...EVER... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest ShooterJay Report post Posted April 28, 2003 I want you. Would you like to screw me? I found that funniest of all. If only all women were that direct. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ravenbomb Report post Posted April 28, 2003 oh, man, I was in TEARS reading that Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest the pinjockey Report post Posted April 28, 2003 That is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Choken One Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Ah Sweet Jesus...That was awesome... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Space_Cowboy Report post Posted April 28, 2003 I saw that somewhere ages ago, still funny though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DrTom Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Yeah, this was making the rounds at least five years ago. I think I had 33.6 at the time and still used the original Prodigy service. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Zero_Cool Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Dude, I've never seen that...it's money. It's so fucking money and I bet the person who wrote it doesn't even know it. Money, I tells ya. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MarvinisaLunatic Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Funny stuff.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest El Satanico Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Getting a pubic hair stuck in his throat? I wonder if Larry David got the idea for doing that on his hbo show Curb Your Enthusiasm from this? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Memphis Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know...thing in your, um, woman's thing. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Agent of Oblivion Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts, my nipples are erect for you. Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. That's the best one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest welshjerichomark Report post Posted April 28, 2003 LOL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest EQ Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Fucking hilarious! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest RenegadeX28 Report post Posted April 28, 2003 I died laughing when I read that...... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest WhenDanSaysJump Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Seen it countless times, but it's still funny as hell. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ravenbomb Report post Posted April 28, 2003 nah, the funniest parts are the hamper and the very last line Now the carpet is on fire! Nooooooo! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest eiker_ir Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better. Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover. Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now. Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover. Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet. gold jerry gold! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest HBK16 Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Hahah. That was great. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Fook_Hing_Ho Report post Posted April 28, 2003 LMAO.............HAHAHAHAHAHA Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Pigsy Report post Posted April 28, 2003 Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest KanadianKrusty Report post Posted April 28, 2003 My god!, that was pure fucking GOLD Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Miss Indy Queen Report post Posted April 29, 2003 This is just classic!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest SweetNSexyDiva Report post Posted April 30, 2003 That was hilarious! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
moral suasion 0 Report post Posted May 2, 2003 Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts, my nipples are erect for you. Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. That's the best one. Agreed. I laughed my ass of at that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
