OAOAST IntenseZone - 4/28/03

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Black Screen

 

 

JR: Jess, last night we saw the first split PPV in the OAOAST. The IntenseZone matches were, as expected, off the chart. As ever, things will never quite be the same.

 

Jesse: Betrayal, plots and blood and guts. I loved it, Jim Ross.

 

JR: Let's go back 24 hours and hit the highlights.

 

Cut to tape

Johnny Cash's Hurt plays in the background[/i]

 

Pyro shoots off from the ringposts and rampways as the sold out crowd inside the Dunkin' Donuts Center go wild.

 

Orion has the steel crutch, and plants a baseball swing shot right on Popick's noggin...He bleeds... It's the FADE TO BLACK! Doan checks on BPP three times...and that's all it took. Doan signals for the bell.

 

JR

What a way to lose a match! Orion and his crooked ref are too much!

 

Fireworks shoot off from the sides as out steps Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland with the OAOAST North American Title around his waist.

Andrew ducks a belt shot....and hits the Hero Driver!!!

1..2...But Mr. Boricua comes in and knocks out Andrew. The referee calls for the bell.

 

JR

Lightning just blew his chance of winning the North American Championship!

 

JINGUS whips Undisputed off the ropes and hits a SPINEBUSTAH FROM HELL, cover, 1, 2, NO! Undisputed out again!

Jay turns to Eskimo who is trying to get up, and runs and hits a SHINING BLACK! One, Two....THREE!

 

DEVILBOMB TO ESKIMO!

 

JR

BAH GAWD! JINGUS has DESTROYED Mystery Eskimo! The MWC has been together for so long! Eskimo is hurt badly!

 

TEAR AWAY hits, the stage explodes with pyro, and a moment later SPIDER POET and EL DANDY are on the stage.

El Dandy rolls to his feet and K springs to his. Dandy charges but K is on it - DROP TOE HOLD, and K goes for the ANKLELOCK!

the HOT TAG IS MADE AND THE LIGHTS GO OUT!

A masked man stands on the stage, while Job Squad is laid out at the bottom of the ramp, bloodied.

Poet before hookd K's leg for the pin.1, 2, 3!

 

The Mad Cappa dances out to cheers and "Go Cappa" chants!

Vince Rusco with a hard caneshot to the injured back of Mad Cappa!

Jay looks to take advantage- AN AFTERTHOUGHT FROM THE TOP ROPE!

1....2.....3! "Shooter" Jay Darring is the #1 Contender to the OAOAST North American Championship!

 

The hometown crowd goes crazy for Zack!

Evenflow kicks back, catching Zack low! As Malibu keels over, Evenflow runs the ropes, and comes off with a swinging neckbreaker on Zack!

ROLLING BUTTERFLY SUPLEX BY ZACK!

Evenflow pops up and hits the EvenflowDDT ON THE FLOOR!

SCHOOL'S OUT HITS THE REFEREE! EVENFLOW DUCKS OUT OF THE WAY!

Evenflow gives chase, as Alison heads for the other end of the ring, leading him into a SCHOOL'S OUT! SCHOOL'S OUT BY ZACK MALIBU!

POP DROP~! ON EVENFLOW~! Zack looks over, and sees the ref still on the floor, just barely stirring. Zack turns around and looks at Evenflow, and pulls him up again...POP DROP FOR THE SECOND TIME~!

1!

 

2!!

 

3...NO! WHAT THE HELL! WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE!

 

Zack gets up, because Los Infernales have rushed the ring!

Now the crowd cheers as Big Poppa Popick has come out, slides into the ring and spins SP around! SP and Popick are eye to eye, and now BPP...KICKS ZACK IN THE GUT! FINALITY ON ZACK MALIBU! THIS ONE IS OUT OF CONTROL!

 

Poet drops down to one knee, prays for a brief moment, and then just as fast as a glint of lightning from the corner of your eye...slaps on a Crossface submission.

"I learned something recently, Zackie. I learned, that the nice guy, the guy that contributes and sticks around and burns the midnight oil. The guy that gives his all and tries to be there for everyone . . . that guy pays a price. See, Zack . . . your neutrality has left you blank, and now we will fill that void. You are the worst of the sniveling little worms, for you take no side. You stand for nothing. And you see where that gets you, Zack. It leaves you not standing at all. Fuck you too, Zack Malibu. Now it's time you felt the pain of being turned on, trampled on for all your work. You are our World Champion, you are the representation of everything that has been achieved, of all our change and progress and you represent our future. And now you will be a Martyr

 

SP unlocks Zack from the hold and the Infernales with Stephen Joseph pose with their respective titles over the bloodied pulpit of Zack Malibu, testament to the new Order.

 

JR: Bah gawd, the Trinity is here on IntenseZone TONITE, the rest of the OAOAST better watch their souls!

Jesse: That's right Jim Ross, and this isnt just IntenseZone, its IntenseWARZone~!

JR: We're gonna need a new logo!

Jesse: Don't blur it!

 

Fade to blackness, then the OaOasT iZ logo appears.

 

 

Immediately, before the intro runs, we cut to Kevin Kelly backstage.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Shooting From Half Court

 

Kevin Kelly:

I'm in the back with the new #1 Contender to the OAOAST North American title, "Shooter" Jay Darring. Jay, you put on the performance of a lifetime last night, not only defeating the MWC with your new tag partner, "Undisputed" Christian James, but then you beat the Mad Cappa to earn a shot at Andrew Hyland's title. How does it feel?

 

Jay:

Well, I'm not gonna be modest Kevin- going 2-0 at my first ever Pay Per View is a pretty darn huge accomplishment, one that I'm very proud of. I've been telling you all since I've arrived I'm destined for greatness, and my performance last night is proof positive of that. I'm not exactly happy with the way I earned my contendership, but I'll take a win any way I can get it, and Cappa, I promise I'll make it up to you later.

 

Like I always say though, 'your best is never good enough.' I'm not letting up until I have some gold on my shoulder, whether it's North American gold, Puerto Rican gold, tag gold with Undisputed, or the world title- yeah Zack, don't think I don't have you on the agenda also- and I become the mainstream superstar I've always dreamed of being. Hold on-

 

::Jay sees Boricua walking by, picks up a nearby trashcan lid, and nails him with it! Another lid shot, and another! Jay putting the boots to Boricua! Boricua is down and dazed. Jay finds a light tube, and bashes it over Boricua's head!::

 

Jay:

You think I'm going to forget that you screwed me huh? (stomp) That you cost me your boss' title and dropped me on my head? (stomp) I never forget Boricua!

 

::Jay's got a singapore cane now! 1,2,3,4,5 cane shots to the bloody Boricua!::

 

Jay:

Let this be a lesson in harsh reality to you. You screw with the Shooter, payback will be a bitch!

 

Jay throws the cane down and walks off...

 

Cue: Ludacris, Move Bitch

 

As the song slowly starts on its opening notes, the iZ crowd is shown...Then, as the chorus comes, shots of the iZ stars in action are shown...the screen grows darker as the intial chorus ends, fading back into the iZ logo and the tagline of the week.

 

War is Hell

 

Then, the screen goes white.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Rage, rage, against the dying of the light

 

We open on a dense, white fog. You can't see the ground, you can't see in front of you. Vague orbs of light burst through and begin growing in size. A rumble accompanies them, as if a monster with giant, glowing eyes was on the approach. That description isn't too far off, as a pair of headlights cut through and turn in front of us, a rather large, black Hummer parking in the back of the arena. It shuts off and it's doors open to reveal - SPIDERPOET! STEPHEN JOSEPH! EL DANDY~!

 

The three get out and begin removing their bags.

 

Poet: And what about that team . . . can't remember their names. Shooter Jay and Undisputed.

 

SJ: Heh.

 

Poet: I hope they don't intend on making a run for these (holds up his Tag Team Belt).

 

SJ: (Holds up the World Championship belt he stole from Zack Malibu last night) I think I've got you beat.

 

SP: (Looks at the Tag belt and then at the World belt) Bastard.

 

(Dandy walks around from the other side, a bag slung over one shoulder and his Tag Title over the other)

 

SP: What do you think, D? It's Warzone night.

 

ED: (Looks at SP and then to SJ and back to SP) Let's go.

 

::The T3inity make their way towards the arena and get inside, the camera following them. They emerge from a hall and into an open area and lo and behold, UNDISPUTED is standing by the food services table! The three walk past him but SP and Joseph exchange glances. They stop and Poet looks at El Dandy.::

 

SP: Well, it is Warzone now.

 

ED: That it is.

 

::The two leave Joseph, who offers a sadistic smile to the camera as he stays behind. Over at the Food table, Undisputed is slowly loading his plate up. Dandy runs into the shot and with no warning wraps his arms around Undisputed's waist and hoists him up and back - GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE CONCRETE! while Poet tugs the table away from the wall.

 

Dandy hauls the dazed Undisputed up on one side of the table while SP makes for the other. Dandy hoists Undisputed up and tosses him over the table towards SP - TILDEBANG THROUGH THE TABLE!

 

SP gets up and dusts bits of food and table off before looking to Dandy and nodding. The two rejoin Stephen Joseph, who nods in approval to them. They pick up their bags and belts and the three men make their way towards the locker room. ::

 

JR: We have a big North American division tag team match coming up, but first, our General Manager Damian Gonzalez pre-taped a promo with major ramifications

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Dames Has a Big Title

 

A pre-taped video starts….

 

The camera shows a girls legs in the air and loud moaning is very audible for a few seconds.

 

The girls says: “Dames…the tape is rolling.”

 

Dames: “Oh shit. Get off me, woman!”

 

Dames appears in the cameras view with his glasses crooked, a few buttons unbuttoned and with some light sweat on his forehead. He zooms the camera away to expose a messy desk and he’s now sitting on it. He fixes his glasses, adjusts his collar and clears his throat.

 

He turns and says: “Wendy, don’t slam the door. Oh, and tell Sherry to come in when I’m done.”

 

Dames looks at the camera with a big smile on his face. He walks around his desk and sits in his leather recliner.

 

Dames: Sorry about that. I’m sure you all must be wondering what the big announcement for tonight will be. It seems that every time I appear, I shake things up dramatically….and I’m going to do it again.

 

First, there was the announcement that Intense Zone would be it’s own brand. That was monumental. Then, there was Carte Blanche rules…which still has yet to be in full swing, but I don’t doubt that it will be by nights end. And that leads up to tonight.

 

You see, I like to make sure that the fans get more bang for their buck. Not just because it makes me look good, not only because the fans are happy…but because we’re sticking it to AngleSault together. Doesn’t that just make you proud? Well, once again the fans are going to get a little more out of Intense Zone.

 

Here, we have the exclusive rights to the North American Title. So, this gives me the right to make decisions on it. Since the North American Title is YOUR title…I’m sure you want to see it constantly defended right? I thought so. So, starting next week, the North American Title will be up for grabs EVERY week here on Intense Zone AS A MAIN EVENT!. That’s right. Every week, you will see a title defense…guaranteed.

 

And NEXT WEEK..on IZ...There will be an Eight Man Battle Royal to showcase this great division! And it will feature the Champion Andrew Hyland, number 1 contender ShooterJay, Undisputed, Puerto Rico Lightning, Mad Cappa, and some special suprises!

 

How can I guarantee it you ask? Well, this is why. If it’s not defended for whatever reason, the title will be automatically vacated and a tournament will be crowned to find a NEW North American Champion.

 

Just so everyone is clear on this…I have nothing against Andrew “Your Hero” Hyland. Nothing at all. I think he’s a great champion. I don’t want him to think of this as punishment in any way. Hyland, think of it as a thank you from me to you. Now, you’ll always have TV time, guaranteed as well as the best competition around here on IZ.

 

Dames turns and says: “Sherry….I’m ready!”

 

A door is heard opening and closing.

 

Dames starts unbuttoning his shirt again and takes his glasses off.

 

Sherry: “Oh…I guess you were expecting me tonight…”

 

Dames zooms the camera out and presses the stop button. The camera stays recording as it was on a timer and the stop button needs to be held down for a few seconds to stop the recording.

 

Moans are heard for a few seconds….

 

Sherry: “Dames….the camera’s still on!”

 

Dames: “SHIT!”

 

He runs towards the camera and unplugs it…giving us static until we fade to black.

 

Jesse: Go Dames!

 

JR: Boy's a genetic Jackhammer

 

Jesse: ...

 

JR: Look! A Match!

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

North American Division Tag Match

Puerto Rican Lightning & his bodyguard, Mr. Boricua vs.

The Mad Cappa & Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland

 

“Ode to Joy” hits as Vince Rusco comes out to loud boos and “Rusco Sucks” chants! He walks out with an evil smirk on his face as he basks in the boos! He yells some obscenities to the crowd while he climbs into the ring. He has a mic and his trusty cane with him! The music stops, but the chants continue! Rusco starts to laugh uncontrollably on the mic! The chants stop as the crowd is puzzled! He stops laughing as he continues to grin!

 

Vince Rusco: “Well, well, well! Heh! He looked like our good pal Cappa had a fun time last night at Living Angleously! Ha! (Crowd boos!) Oh please! I did the world a favor and this is how ya’ll pay me back! Well then, fuck all ya! (“Cap-pa” chants from the crowd!) I stopped the horrible possible nightmare of Cappa fighting for the North American title! Now, for Cappa, your talentless wigga wanna be ass got humiliated last night! Sure, you got me in a Bust a Cap, but that was a fluke! In return, you got beat big time and lost again! Let’s face it, you are a loser! You have lost more matches than you have won! Quit now before you are remembered for being a loser! Since right now, most people don’t know who the hell you are! (“Cap-pa” chants kick up again!) Shut up! If it wasn’t for me, that ungrateful sack of shit, he wouldn’t have the little success he has right now!’’

 

“Let Me Clear My Throat” by DJ Kool plays up as the crowd cheers! Rusco looks surprised as he looks on the screen!

 

VR: “Stop it! Stop it! Cappa, don’t come out here if you know what’s good for you!”

 

The Mad Cappa runs out form the crowd from the side Rusco is not looking at! The crowd erupts! Cappa has a baseball bat with him! He smacks Rusco’s back with the bat to loud cheers! He looks to the crowd for approval! The crowd cheers! Cappa hits him with the bat again! And again! And again! Cappa is furious! Rusco is pleading for Cappa to stop! Cappa drops the bat and picks him up. He chokes Rusco as he drags him to a corner! He is now throwing vicious chops very slowly! The crowd WOOOS everytime a chop is done! Cappa then holds on to Rusco’s beck as he tosses him across the ring! Rusco gets back up and foolishly swings at Cappa, but Cappa grabs his bat, swings at Rusco’s gut, and BUST A CAP on Rusco! Rusco is out cold! The crowd is going nuts! Medics rush over while Cappa is still beating up Rusco with the bat! They take out Rusco out of the ring onto a stretcher while Cappa gets on his knees and waves bye-bye to Rusco! Cappa picks up the mic as the crowd hasn’t died down!

 

The Mad Cappa: “Rusco! What just happened was you got what you deserved, you dumb ol’ hag! You asked for it! Who’s been out here givin’ it their all? ME! Who’s been out here week in and week out bustin’ ass? ME! And who has been puttin’ up with your shit Rusco? ME! Remember last week when I wanted no interference for my match with Jay? Do you remember that I said if you interfered, you would suffer the consequences? Well Rusco, that was only a small part of a series of continuous punishments! Rusco, you keep talkin’ BS that I’m a loser! Well, get ready…. You just signed your death warrant, because baybee, this is one nightmare you ain’t gonna get up from! (Crowd is cheering!) Oh, I ain’t done yet! Not by a long shot! The night has just begun! Jay, Undisputed, Andrew, I’d like to give a shout out to all ya’ll for helpin’ me! I respect ya’! That’s a hell of a lot more I can say than… Lightning! You shitfaced coward! I pinned your sorry ass last week in that 6 man tag, and thanks to YOUR stipulation, I get myself a title shot! However, last night you said that it will be a long time before I actually get the shot! Nuh uh! I don’t think so biatch! I want that shot tonight! You know what. I think you are scared! You know I can beat you! You don’t wanna’ face me in a one-on-one match since you’ll lose! You can’t stand it! I don’t respect cowards! So get your so-called boricua ass on out here!”

 

Suddenly “the Theme from 2001: A Space Oddysey hits as Andrew “Your Hero” Hyland comes out to a mixed response from the crowd! He has the OAOAST North American title draped over his shoulder as he goes into the ring. He asks for the mic and Cappa gives it to him.

 

Andrew: “I just go a few things to say. Lightning! You and your hoss of a manager tried to hurt my pride and take my belt! Thank goodness I still have this! (Taps his belt!) Lightning had the audacity to say he is the real hero! I’m Andrew and I’m (points to the crowd) *Your* hero! That dumb as rocks manager of his, Mr. Boricua, punked me out a the end of the match! Even though I know I owe Shooter Jay a title shot, I want those two to learn some respect!”

 

“Bulls on Parade” by Rage Against the Machine plays as Puerto Rican Lightning, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, and Mr. Boricua come out to loud boos and “PR Sucks” chants! They stop at the top of the set as the music stops! Lightning has his own mic!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning: “You guys want a shot, well you got it! But it will be a tag match! Us two against you two! Whoever pins me gets the title! Let us get ready and we’ll fight you then!”

 

Cappa: “NO! You listen here! RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW! What are you? Afraid?”

 

Lightning is about to respond, but Cappa and Andrew run over in a charge towards Lightning and Mr. B! Cappa throws the first punch at Lightning! Andrew is also fighting Mr. B! Cappa takes Lightning and Andrew takes Mr. B to the ring at the same time! They are all slugging away in the middle of the ring in this impromptu match! They are all trading punches! There is no order! Just pure chaos!

 

A ref runs down in an attempt to bring order! Cappa Irish whips Lightning to a corner while Mr. B takes Andrew outside the ring! Lightning leaps off the turnbuckle and somersaults himself onto Cappa! Mr. B and Andrew are still slugging away outside! Lightning tries to flee, but Cappa holds on and does a reverse DDT! Mr. B Irish whips Andrew to the steel steps! Cappa quickly runs off the top turnbuckle for a side swinging moonsault! The crowd ooooos! Mr. B slowly goes to kick Andrew, but Andrew rolls away! Andrew is doing some chops on Mr. B! Cappa picks Lightning up. Spinning heel kick from Lightning!

 

An another ref comes out to break up Andrew and Mr. B! They both go to their respective corners. Lightning tries to tag Mr. B, but Cappa grabs hold of Lightning’s leg! Lightning tries to go for an enziguiri, but Cappa ducks and proceeds to slam Lighning’s knee to the mat three times!

 

Then, Lightning does a drop toe hold on Cappa to the bottom rope! Lightning bounces off the rope…. Right into a knee from Andrew! Lightning clutches his back as he kneels to the mat! Cappa then does a German suplex on Lightning! Cappa tags in Andrew. Cappa holds Lightning up while Andrew lays a shot on Lightning’s back! The ref tells Cappa to leave. Andrew does a snap suplex. Andrew goes for a cover.

 

1…….2…….

 

Mr. B comes in to break it up! Mr. B takes Andrew up for a bodyslam! Mr. B drags Lightning over to their corner. Mr. B tags himself in! Andrew tags in Cappa! Cappa runs over to dropkick Mr. B! Cappa stomps on Mr. B’s back, but Lightning yanks Cappa down. Andrew goes over to clothesline Lightning off the ropes, but the ref blocks the path! Andrew is arguing with the ref while Lightning comes in and stomps on Cappa! The crowd boos! Mr. B switches positions with Lightning without tagging! Lightning is yelling some obscenities at Cappa! He slaps Cappa’s face! Lightning has slowed Cappa down! Lightning slaps on an armbar. Andrew tries to break it up, but Mr. B confronts him! Andrew does the Hero Drop on Mr. B! Lightning goes over to do the BUST A CAP, but Lightning sneaks out! Cappa grabs him and does the Cappabomb! He picks Lightning back up and goes for the BUST A CAP, but Lightning sneaks out again! He rolls out and grabs Cappa’s bat! He rolls back in and smacks Cappa with the bat for the DQ! The ref calls for the bell!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Ring Annoucer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners of this contest, as a result of a disqualification, Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland and The Maddddddddd Cappaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

 

The crowd cheers but Mad Cappa and Puerto Rican Lightning continue brawling.

 

JR: Well, the match is over, but the war is still going on between Mad Cappa and Puerto Rican Lightning!

Jesse: Hey no fair! Cappa won! Why is he continuing beating on the defenseless Lightning?

JR: Defenseless?!! Lightning used the bat! Cappa just returning the favor!

Jesse: He was doing whatever it takes to win.

JR: Either way, it looks like PRL and TMC are using IntenseZone's new WarZone rules to their advantage!

Jesse: And what a way to start the show, Jim Ross after last night's Living Anglelously pay-per-view!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning and The Mad Cappa are throwing punches left and right. They continue brawling along the ringside area. They head over to the annoucer's table.

 

Jesse: Oh boy, JR. Here they come!

 

PRL and TMC go over to the annoucer's table. They take turns slamming each others face into the table. Puerto Rican Lightning grabs one of the T.V. monitors.....and slams Cappa's face into it. The crowd boos. "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" Lightning is annoyed and yells "SHUT UP!" to the fans at ringside. He covers his ears to drown out the noise but it still doesn't work. So, he slaps his forehead four times.

 

However, Cappa uses that time to regain himself and SPEARS Lightning! He lays several punches on PRL on the floor. Cappa grabs Lightning and throws him into the steps. He throws him again to another set of stairs. During this time, Mr. Boricua and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez have been watching the action. Finally, Mr. Boricua gets into the action by grabbing Mad Cappa....and chokeslamming him through the annoucers table!!! The crowd groans as Cappa lies on the floor covered in the monitors. Jesse and JR try to get their headsets back on.

 

Jesse: Some brawl huh?

JR: Indeed Jess. Mr. Boricua has laid out The Mad Cappa. But wait! Oh come on! Puerto Rican Lightning is still not done! DAMNIT Kid! He's had enough.

Jesse: No he hasn't JR. Cappa has been a thorn on Lightning's side since he entered the OAOAST. This is just his comeuppance.

JR: Lightning.....with the ringbell....and OH! PRL has just smacked the ringbell over Cappa's head. Mr. Boricua picking up Cappa.

 

Mr. Boricua throws The Mad Cappa into the barricade. Puerto Rican Lightning runs towards Cappa, but at the last moment, Cappa throws Puerto Rican over the barricade and into the crowd. Cappa climbs into the crowd and he and PRL continue brawling. The crowd is all over them as they continue fightning.

 

Jesse: Get PRL away from those morons!

 

PRL and TMC climb the steps as Lightning tries to run away from Cappa. Mr. Boricua and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez have stayed behind as Cappa chases PRL up the steps. Lightning grabs a box of soda and throws it at Cappa. Cappa ignores it and continues chasing Lightning.

 

JR: The hunter has now become the hunted.

Jesse: Leave Puerto Rican Lightning alone Cappa. He's had enough!

JR: Cappa seems to be stalking Puerto Rican Lightning. Lightning and Cappa are now fightning through the concession stands.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning and The Mad Cappa fight near the popcorn stand. Puerto Rican Lightning slams Cappa's head into the glass and all the popcorn comes out. Lightning eats some of the popcorn and continues beating down on Cappa. Cappa is weak so Lightning hammers on his head and slams his knee repeatley into Cappa's face. He grabs TMC and Irish Whips him but Cappa reverses but PRL reverses again and comes back with a DDT on the cold hard floor. Puerto Rican grabs Cappa and goes for the P.R. Nightmare....but Cappa reverses for a hurricarana. Cappa grabs Lightning and chops him several times. He grabs PRL by his now-short hair and takes him into the Women's bathroom.

 

Jesse: They're in the ladies' room! They're in the ladies' room, JR! THEY'RE IN THE LADIES' ROOM!

JR: Okay okay. Calm down, Jess.

 

The Mad Cappa lays a beating on Puerto Rican Lightning in the Women's restroom. Several women, upon seeing the two men, scream and run out. Several women stand by and watch as Cappa continues the beating. However, PRL low-blows Mad Cappa and takes over. He European Uppercuts him into a stall.

 

JR: What a cheater Lightning is!

Jesse: Anything goes in the WarZone JR!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning grabs The Mad Cappa and throws him right into another stall which door breaks. Lightning grabs Cappa and throws him into another stall which door also breaks.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning: You are a piece of shit! Now, you're going to be treated like a piece of shit!

JR: Some harsh words from the leader of the Lightning Crew.

Jesse: I am loving this JR!

 

PRL grabs TMC and tries to put his head into the toliet bowl. However, TMC holds on...and elbows Lightning in the gut. He grabs Lightning....and puts his head in the toliet! The crowd pops.

 

JR: OH MY~! BAW GAWD! PRL isn't going to smell so great in the morning!

 

Cappa grabs Lightning and throws him out of the Women's restroom. He grabs Lightning but PRL grabs him by his neck and hits a vertical suplex on him on the floor. Lightning hits a German Suplex on the floor and lays him near the edge of the steps. PRL gets ready.....and kicks Cappa in the gut. The kick sends The Mad Cappa rolling down the stairs all the way down!

 

JR: What a NFL-like kick from Lightning!

Jesse: PRL has scored a touchdown with that vicious kick.

JR: PRL is getting the best of Cappa now!

 

Lightning walks down the steps cool and cocky. He grabs Cappa and sends him into the entrance. He Irish Whips him into the set and they head through the entrance.

 

JR: Well, now The Mad Cappa and Puerto Rican Lightning are now backstage. What a way to start this week's IntenseZone! We are now getting a camera crew to head backstage and as soon as we do, we will go back to the WarZone action!

Jesse: I am loving this!

 

JR: I have a live feed coming in I am supposed to show you..It's the I.O.U with a special location promo

Jesse: Shouldn't they be...jobbing?

JR: We're better than that

Jesse: Ah, they get token offense

JR: Well..yes

Jesse: Roll the Feed!

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Even Jobbers Pray on Bended Knee ... and NINJAS!!!

 

Location : the church of jobitude of latter day saints

 

::j.o.b. squad is standing behind the pulpit in his flowing white robes in front of a cross with a sculpture of himself being crucified (it is my religion if I want to I can be father son and holy ghost biotches)preaching to his congregation of a rather disinterested k-ness and half of a dozen homeless people who were drawn in by the sign outside that said “free food”::

 

j.o.b. squad – In the beginning there was nothing then I j.o.b. squad was created by my own hand (hell I will be Adam as well if I want).

 

::then swinging on ropes thru the window come b.o.b. squad and ghey-ness like a pair of evil Mexican communist half-clone pirates::

 

b.o.b. squad – That is right j.o.b. squad it is I your evil communist Mexican half-clone b.o.b. squad. (Who by virtue of being an evil version of god otherwise known as j.o.b. squad would be Lucifer) I am here to reclaim paradise. (a.k.a. the church of jobitude of latter day saints)

 

:: But before b.o.b. squad and ghey-ness can kick j.o.b. squad and k-ness out of the church of jobitude of latter day saints and transform it to church of bobitude of latter day saints. Swinging thru the windows comes the intense zone’s platoon of specially trained ninja security guards to separate the church of jobitude and the evil Mexican communist half cloan church of bobitude::

 

::kness and ghey-ness start to dispatch ninja security guards with homicide back drops for every one and j.o.b. squad and b.o.b. squad start riping ninja security guards heads and spinal cords from their bodys ala mortal combat eventually the four of them come face to face knee deep in ninja security guard blood guts and spinal cords::

 

b.o.b. squad – So know the chuch of bobitude of later day saints will kick the church of jobitude out of the house of the b.o.b. squad.

 

j.o.b. squad – Oh yeah you and what army?

 

b.o.b. squad – this one.

 

:: Hundreds of thousands of non-IZ ninja security guards come swinging thru the windows on the left side of the church. ::

 

j.o.b. squad – Oh that army. Well I better call in my army of goodness then.

 

:: hundreds of thousands more non-IZ ninja security guards come swinging thru the windows on the right side of the church (did we put any doors in this church?) ::

 

b.o.b. squad – So it appears we have a stalemate on our hands. How about we settle it in the ring?

 

j.o.b. squad – Very well but they are trained and equipped and knee deep in blood it would be a shame for them just to leave.

 

b.o.b. squad – Oh all right.

 

:: b.o.b. squad and ghey-ness try to walk out then realize there is no door so they jump out the window::

 

:: The millions of ninja security guards quickly and eficently slaughter each other. ::

 

j.o.b. squad – We are going to have to replace the carpets now aren’t we k-ness

 

k-ness- Probably but we should put in a door first since those windows are real expensive.

 

::now job squad and k-ness swim out of the church thru the windows since the church is now 15 feet deep in blood::

 

The Camera fades and segues into the backstage camera used earlier by the Trins. Again, another wrestler is late arriving.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Beauty - Wasted on the Youth?

 

*The camera opens up to the doors of the arena. Suddenly one of them slams open as Sonic Youth makes his debut to absolute silence. Following are Janet, clad in a black baby tee 2 sizes too small, blue jeans and sporting a ponytail and Lauren, clad in black jeans and a white sweater with her hair in pigtails. Sonic arrives at his locker door and tosses his gym bag in as Lauren and Janet walk in and take seats on a bench.*

 

Janet: You took the wrong turn and made us *glances at watch* 30 minutes late Sonic.

 

Sonic: Look, the damn hispanic was motioning left and saying something unintelligable.

 

Lauren: *Tying shoes* You always were good at following directions. *snorts*

 

Sonic: Funny.

 

Lauren: I try.

 

*Sonic steps out into the hallway and steps back into the room. Sonic takes a seat opposite Janet.*

 

Janet: Don't worry, you'll make an impact soon enough.

 

Sonic: Yeah but respect has to be earned. Looking forward to making that happen tonight.

 

Lauren: We'll be right behind you.

 

*Sonic gets up and walks out into the hallway. Janet and Lauren in tow when he suddenly slams hard into somebody's shoulder. Lauren slams into Sonic and Janet into Lauren.*

 

Janet: What the fu...

 

*Sonic and Puerto Rican Lightning have a staredown as Mr. Boricua stares hard at the two girls. Sonic sizes up Puerto Rican Lightning as they both take a step, getting face to face. Sonic glances at Mr. Boricua as Puerto Rican Lightning eyes Lauren and Janet.*

 

Sonic: Let him through...

 

*Sonic takes a step back as Puerto Rican Lightning walks past. Lauren and Janet also step aside as Mr. Boricua purposely slams his shoulder into Janet, sending her against the wall hard. Janet glares and takes a step towards Mr. Boricua who laughs but Sonic holds her back*

 

Janet: Fucker...

 

Sonic: We'll get them in due time. I'll let you get first crack on the fat ass alright?

 

*Janet glares at Sonic, looking to where Mr. Boricua and Puerto Rican Lightning just were.*

 

Janet: Fine *she snarls*

 

*Janet heads back to the locker, still pissed as Lauren and Sonic exchange glances and follow*

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

War of the ... Spanish

 

JR: Folk--I'm being told that there are now camera backstage. And....yes. There are now cameras backstage following the Puerto Rican Lightning/Mad Cappa brawl that started the show. I'm being told we can now go backstage to follow the action.

Jesse: Well what are we waiting for? Let's go! Let's go!

JR: Okay.

 

(Cut to: Backstage Area near the Entrance):

 

JR: Neither man has tired! They are still going after each other.

Jesse: Because PRL has the heart of a champion!

JR: You got to give credit to The Mad Cappa also!

Jesse: Nah.

 

The Mad Cappa and Puerto Rican Lightning continue beating on each other as road agents, technician crew members, and caterters look on. Some are cheering The Mad Cappa on who is hitting PRL with several pieces of plunder: garbage cans, garbage can lids, road signs, and canes. Lightning low-blows Cappa...and hits a Van Damniator on him!

 

JR: What a move! What a move! What a move by Puerto Rican Lightning!

Jesse: Lightning kips up! He kipped up!

JR: Puerto Rican Lightning "Cueing the band." He goes for the Sweet Chin Music...Cappa ducks....and goes for the BUST A CAP, but PRL blocks it...and hits the Sweet Chin Music!!!

 

PRL is not done yet though. He grabs Cappa and throws him into a soda machine. A Pespi comes out. Lightning grabs the can...takes a sip...and spits the soda at The Mad Cappa.

 

JR: What a sign of disrespect!

 

Lightning hits Cappa with the can and kicks him in the gut several times. You can heard the crowd booing as Puerto Rican Lightning drags Mad Cappa by his shirt into the OAOAST lockerroom.

 

JR: Lightning still not done with Cappa.

Jesse: Well our next pay-per-view is called "School's Out." Lightning is just going with that theme.

 

PRL throws Cappa into several lockers and takes him to the outside once again.

 

Cappa is still weaken from the beatdown as PRL necksnaps him. He grabs him and they head farther into the backstage area, Cappa fightning off PRL all along the way. They head down an aisle where PRL goes to Irish Whip Cappa, however Cappa reverses and PRL slams into a wall. Cappa grabs Lightning and does a neckbreaker. He then follows with a snap suplex and a backbreaker.

 

JR: The Mad Cappa is now getting his second wind.

Jesse: I am loving this new WarZone contest.

JR: I think the fans are also. Cappa and Lightning are now heading into near the entrance of the arena.

 

Lightning and Cappa are now outside of the arena and are still

fightning in the street.

 

JR: BAW GAWD, buisness is picking up. If they were wild inside the arena, I can't imagine how much more crazy this action will be outside the arena. This sure is a slobberknocker folks.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning and The Mad Cappa continue laying lefts and rights to each other.

 

JR: You can really feel the hatred they have for each other. Lightning and Cappa still brawling on the streets.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning goes for a powerbomb...but Cappa reverses into a backdrop!

 

JR: Backdrop on the cold hard concrete!

 

Cappa clotheslines PRL. He grabs him and bulldogs him on the street. He grabs PRL again but PRL low-blows him.

 

JR: Puerto Rican Lightning and The Mad Cappa are STILL fightning. Folks, we gotta take a break from all this action.

Jesse: Why?!!

JR: I've been told we must take a break. But don't worry, we will return to the action in this wild brawl!

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Say Your Prayers, Eat Your Vitamins

 

The video screens blank out once again, as the blue X from Living Anglelously pops up once again

 

"Did you forget me? I hope you didn't. I sure as hell haven't forgotten you, my wonderful, wonderful fanbase. You people need me like a child with the flue needs Tylenol. Like a thirsty man needs water. You're suffering, and don't you believe for one split second I can't see it. I couldn't bare my eyes at watching all of Living Angelously myself, and thus I don't really know nor do I care what happened. I don't give a damn about a DJ coming to perform and not being able to speak English, I don't give a damn about two worthless animals winning the right a meaningless piece of gold, since it is merely only the second best belt in the OAOAST anyways. And I especially don't give a damn about a whiny quitter who never believes he was treated well in his tenure here. These kinds of people make me sick, but not as literally sick as the OAOAST has become.."

 

The video finally shows of a man in a black velour tracksuit with gold stars on the side, training and showing off some crisp suplexes, and stiff spears. His face is never seen, but he's not too tall, light skinned with a slight tan, and stocky, yet toned. It changes quickly to panning around a dark apartment, a mat in the middle where he is practicing wrestling manuevers in front of a mirror, surrounded by free weights.

 

"You see this? This is my world. This is what I do. I am your cure. The wrestling product has been without me for far too long. Already I have gone and made people stand up and notice. Little by little, they became addicted to what they saw. I didn't stand around and talk shit while I bumbled towards establishing a persona, like I have seen so many here do. I appreciate the opportunities that are given to me, unlike many who seem like they observe the opportunities, shit on the news, and wipe their ass with the telegram. I'm not like that. I appreciate what I have before me...

 

The quick flashes of Vitamin X winning titles is shown again, in between a zooming in scene of him sitting in a chair, rocking back and forth, as if anxiously awaiting for something.

 

"...the limitless opportunity to become a true star, to be someone I know I can be. To wake those snoring sections of the crowd up and not only to make them do that, but to make them stand up and take notice of the phenomenon occuring before their very eyes. Little by little, the OAOAST will be cured. BAM! Overdose, next. Sometimes it might not be so easy, but Vitamin X usually comes out on top."

 

The man looks up and we finally see Vitamin X's eyes as he stares into the camera, menacing light eyes.

 

X: "I'm Vitamin X. And I am just that much better than you."

 

The video fades to black and the X in the background is now overshadowed by text reading "COMING NEXT WEEK TO INTENSEZONE"

 

Cut to Commercials...

 

Confidential Promo

 

 

::2:42am, Sunday April 7th, 2002...

 

Narrator:

...The OAOAST is born, and with it one of the most bitter real-life rivalries in the history of MANKIND~!...

 

Treble Charged:

I just had a great idea. How about we all come in here, post just once, leave, and end it with:

::Spears Anglesault::

That should go over well.

 

AngleSault:

Hey Treble, you make me---

 

Fade To Black...

 

Narrator:

First came the Emoticon War, then there was 'The Spear', then came NAMBLA and finally both walked out on the OAOAST...

 

But why did they both walk? Why did the hatred escalate to such levels? Why did they even hate each other in the first place? Does Anglesault secretly love Edge? And is Treble Charged really the founder of NAMBLA?...

 

Commercial break ends after an ad for Unmanly Smooth Legs with a new spokesmen. We come back and there's a ref in the ring.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Shooter Shot the Wrong Sheriff

 

"The Fake Sound of Progress" cues up, and the arena stands up and makes some noise as "Shooter" Jay Darring hits the ring. He's got a bandage over his nose, a little reminder of the night before.

 

JR: Here's your OAOAST #1 Contender to the North American title, ladies and gentleman, he put in the performance of his life yesterday!

 

Jesse: And it'll all be for naught when the NEXT OAOAST North American champion, Puerto Rican Lightning takes care of him when he beats Andrew Hyland, in the rematch he'll surely get!

 

Jay Darring takes the stick: "I'm not scheduled for a match tonight, because the office thought I was too injured to compete after what happened last night at Living Angleously. But I'll be damned if I miss out on the opportunity to compete tonight and entertain you great people!" (crowd pops). So I did a favor for a friend and flew in my own opponent!"

 

JR: Who's it gonna be?

 

Jesse: Maybe it's the Crusher! JR, did I ever told you about the feud I had with the Crusher in '81?

 

JR: Yeah you did Jesse, abut a billion times, shut up.

 

"Unskinnybop" by Poison fires up over the PA and out walks...Marcos of the world-famous Ring Crew Express!

 

JR: Oh lord.

 

Marcos takes the stick: "I'm sure all of you know me. I'm one-half of Dunn, and Marcos, the top tag team, in Ring of Honor! Jay, while I'm grateful for the opportunity to wrestle in OAOAST, I'm still gonna rock you like a hurricane!"

 

Jesse: But will he rock him like a Blurricane?

 

Marcos and Jay shake hands to start. Marcos ducks a lockup and points to his forehead. Jay grabs him from behind- Foreshadow! Jay heads up to the top rope, elbow drop connects! Jay picks Marcos up for a textbook Saito suplex, and locks in the Harsh Reality. Marcos taps!

 

Ring Announcer: Your winnner of the match, "Shooter" Jay Darring!

 

JR: Jesse, have you ever seen a match end so fast that the announcers didn't have time to call any of the moves?

Jesse: Yeah, me against the Crusher!

 

JR: Dear lord. WAIT A SECOND, THE TRINITY HAS HIT THE RING! STEPHEN JOSEPH, DANDY AND SPIDERPOET! JAY DOESN'T SEE THEM!

 

Jay turns around...and gets drilled with a stereo triple superkick by the Trinity!

 

JR: BY GAWD, HIS NOSE MIGHT BE SHATTERED!

 

Stephen Joseph takes the stick: "You call yourself the breakout superstar of OAOAST, huh Jay?" (stomp) "You're nothing compared to the Trinity! (stomp) "We are the Chosen on IntenseZone, and you and your running buddy Undisputed are the first to be purified by our pain. Salvation has its price...best not mince words unless you want to be saved."

 

Jesse: The Trinity has made an impact here tonight on IntenseZone! I love it!

 

JR: This is heinous, the Trinity are despicable human beings! DAMN THEIR SOULS TO HELL!

 

Jesse: Off the valium again JR?

 

JR: Oh you be quiet, you make me sick, the Trinity makes me sick. I can't look at the ring anymore, can we cut to something else please?

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

More Youth Wasted?

 

*Backstage, Sonic, Janet and Lauren all come into view. Sonic is sneaking along the hallway as Lauren and Janet flank him. Sonic comes up to a room and raps sharply on the door. The door opens as Mr. Boricua comes into view with a surprised look on his face. Sonic grins and nails him hard in the gut with an uppercut.*

 

Sonic: Looks like you chose the wrong person to mess with fatty.

 

*Janet takes off her shoe and drives the heel hard into Mr. Boricua's skull. Sonic and Lauren walk in, trading kicks to the fallen manager as the door shuts. The sounds of crashing can still be heard as Sonic opens the door and peers around. He pulls out a piece of paper and thumbtack. The note reads, "Busy, do not disturb. Having joyous lap dance." Sonic drives the thumbtack through the paper into the door and shuts it again as we can hear Janet and Lauren yelling at Mr. Boricua*

 

iZ Singles Match

Eskimo vs. Jingus

 

The arena lights go out. Suddenly, lines of fire shoot down the sides of the ring walkway. Verdi's "Requeim" swells out through the arena, as a wall of fire erupts and JINGUS walks straight through it to a hostile reception from the crowd.

The Devilman heads straight for the ring and is handed a mic. He stands for a moment, absorbing the heat as the lights slowly go back up. At last he speaks.

 

"Eskimo...you know why I'm here. All you fans, you know it. Does it need spelling out? Fine. You're an idiot, Eskimo. All this time, I carried the MWC. I took us to the tag titles. What the hell did you ever do but lose matches? Last night, at Living Angleously, you did it again. You got pinned by some newbie after I'd spent the match kicking both their asses.

You know what happened, Eskie? You started listening to the fans again. You started to give a damn what they thought. And the second that happened, the MWC was lost. We were never about the fans. We were about two men united and alone. You betrayed that, Eskimo. You betrayed ME. We lost the tag titles, we lost at Anglemania, we lost the No 1 contendership, we lost it ALL because of YOU.

And now, it's time you paid the price. Get your stinking ass down to the ring so I can put you straight through it."

 

JINGUS throws down the mic and crouches in a fighting stance.

Nothing happens.

The crowd, now firmly behind Eskimo, start up a chant:

 

ESK-I-MO! ESK-I-MO!

 

JINGUS roars and stamps his feet.

 

We get the beats of "Ice Ice Baby" and Mystery Eskimo appears holding a mic.

 

"Jingy...I thought we were close. I thought we were brothers. But you're a monster. You're sick. But I know you, there's a man in there. I'm going to get him out. I'm going to help you. Even if I have to beat you, I'll help you, big man."

 

Eskimo walks to the ring and squares off.

The bell sounds and Eskimo holds out a hand. JINGUS looks in disbelief, grabs it and pulls Eskimo in a thunderous clothesline.

 

Eskimo hits the mat and JINGUS leaps on top, throwing wild and dangerous punches at his head. JINGUS pulls Eskimo up and plants him with a shoulder breaker. Eskimo is whipped off the ropes and nearly decapitated with a boot to the head. JINGUS covers but Eskimo is out in 2. Powerslam and legdrop get 2 more. JINGUS gets a belly to back suplex and then goes for the Frostbite Facelock! JINGUS laughs as he traps Eskimo in his own move, wrenching back on his head and neck. Eskimo screams in pain as the crowd try to encourage him to get to the ropes.

 

Eventually Eskimo is able to slide over and make the ropes and JINGUS reluctantly releases him. As Eskimo staggers up, its KICK WHAM DEVILBOMB but Eskimo slides down the Devilman's back and escapes. JINGUS turns into a Penguin Kick, followed by a neck breaker, but JINGUS gets straight back up. Eskimo tries a springboard dropkick, but JINGUS clotheslines him as he's in the air! The cover gets 2. JINGUS throws Eskimo into the corner and peppers his midsection with thumps and kicks. JINGUS steps back, allows Eskimo to stagger out, and then hits a sit out powerbomb. 1, 2, Eskimo gets a foot on the bottom rope.

 

JINGUS tries for the DEVILBOMB again, but Eskimo reverses into the Frostbite. JINGUS' arm wavers for a second or two, but then he just GETS UP, with Eskimo dangling from his neck, swings him up and hits the Devilbomb. The cover, 1, 2, 3.

 

Winner in 5.05, JINGUS!

 

JINGUS gets back on the mic:

 

"You want to help me? YOU think you can even come close to ME? You're even more pathetic than I thought. I planned to end you, tonite, here. But I see you still havn't learn your lesson, Eskimo. So this isnt over. It isnt over by a long way."

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

PRL CAPPA WWII

 

JR: Wait a second, Jesse.

 

(*Cut to Annoucer's Table* JR is recieving something on his headset)

 

JR: I have just recieved word that we can go back to the Puerto Rican Lightning/Mad Cappa brawl that began at the start of this show.

Jesse: We can?!

JR: Yes, we have a camera following them. They have been brawling outside the arena and onto the streets for a while and now, I'm being told, they're heading into a bar.

Jesse: A bar JR?

JR: Yes. Can we get visual? Yes. Now we can. So let's go back to the brawl.

 

(*Cut to outside the arena several blocks away.)

 

Puerto Rican Lightning and The Mad Cappa are STILL at it. They are now near a redneck biker bar. They fight into the bar.

 

(*Cut to the redneck biker bar. Rock n' Roll music is being played on a jukebox. The bar is filled of redneck bikers young and old who are drinking beer. There is a giant Confederate flag hung at the ceiling. The bikers all scattered as The Mad Cappa and PRL fight.)

 

Jesse: This is certainly an interesting turn isn't it JR?

JR: Indeed it is Jesse. PRL and The Mad Cappa are using anything they can find in this establishment as weapons.

 

The Mad Cappa ducks a PRL clothesline and hits an enziguri. He heads to a table....and hits a legdrop on him. The bikers have now all gathered around the two and are cheering them on. They are chanting "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" as PRL and Cappa engage in a slugfest. PRL goes for a spear but Cappa moves out of the way....and Puerto Rican Lightning hits the jukebox ending the music. Several records fall on top of him. Cappa grabs a record...and smashes it over Puerto Rican's head. The Mad Cappa grabs a mug of beer, takes a sip, and spits the beer into PRL's face.

 

Jesse: Now that's a sign of disrespect!

JR: Cappa is just returning the favor from PRL.

Jesse: I didn't even know Cappa drinks beer.

JR: Cappa is now controlling this, um, brawl. Mad Cappa takes Lightning and places him on a table. Whoa!

 

The Mad Cappa slides Puerto Rican Lightning through the drinks counter. PRL breaks several glasses and screams like a girl until he falls on his back on the floor. The bikers cheer.

 

"Mad Cappa! Mad Cappa! Mad Cappa!"

 

Cappa continues the assault grabbing PRL and going for a slam on a table. However, Lightning holds on....and does a powerbomb through the table.

 

Jesse: HA! HA! Give it to him! Give it to him Lightning! HA!

JR: Cappa must be out by now. But Lightning still ain't giving up.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning smashes a glass mug over Mad Cappa's head. He grabs a pool stick...and slams it across Mad Cappa's back and stomach. He breaks the pool stick over his head. Puerto Rican Lightning jaws with several of the bikers and hits on some of their ladies. However, The Mad Cappa struggles to get up.

 

JR: Oh my goodness! The Mad Cappa is STILL not giving up.

Jesse: Why doens't he? PRL is just going to continue the beating.

JR: I have faith in Cappa, Jes. This kid's got a heart!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning sees Cappa getting up and he leaves the bar through the back entrance. The camera follows him as PRL ends up at the parking lot of the bar. There are many motorcycles parked. Puerto Rican Lightning grabs a bike and tries to start it before Mad Cappa can get him.

 

JR: Puerto Rican Lightning is carjacking one of the motorcycles! He's trying to escape Cappa.

Jesse: No he isn't JR! He's coming back to the arena to get his things.

JR: That's a load of crap, Jes. He's nothing but a coward and he's hijacking a bike to leave. He not only lies, cheats, but he steals.

Jesse: I'm sure the redneck who owns that bike will be too stupid or too drunk to notice that his bike is gone.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning starts the motorcycle and rides off.

 

JR: And off goes Puerto Rican Lightning.

Jesse: Where is he going now?

JR: I don't know, Jes. But wait a minute. It's Mad Cappa! Mad Cappa is in the parking lot.

 

The Mad Cappa walks into the parking lot and commandeers another motorcycle.

 

Jesse: Hey! He's also carjacking. He's just as low as Puerto Rican Lightning!

 

The Mad Cappa starts the motorcycle up and rides off into the streets. The crowd boos.

 

JR: And there's Mad Cappa chasing Puerto Rican Lightning.

Jesse: Cappa is just making things worst for himself.

JR: Unfortnaley, folks, we no longer can keep up with them. So what they're going now, we're not sure.

Jesse: They can go anywhere in this city, and we CAN'T follow them.

JR: I'm afraid not, Jess.

Jesse: AW!

JR: The Mad Cappa is chasing Puerto Rican Lightning. But/if they come back to the arena, we gurantee that we will let you people know.

Jesse: I hope they do.

JR: I do too Jesse. Well, folks, stay tune for more OAOAST IntenseZone action! Up Next...another SuperHero named Cane!

 

Mosimo

 

Setting: Evening, Suburban neighborhood

 

VOICEOVER:

It's a harsh world out there. Violence and crime in the streets. People don't have a lot of hope anymore. They go about their lives not caring about their fellow man or woman. They are just happy to make it through the day. Just look around.

 

(A man is shown getting home from work. He slowly exits his car looking like the world has just stepped all over him. He slams his car door shut and walks into his house)

 

Something needs to change. This world needs something. It needs a hero. I know I am only one man, but the difference I make is a good one. If only one person is helped through me I have atleast given that one person hope. I...

 

(The sound of crying is heard in the distance. We finally see who has been talking. A young man dressed similar to the Hurricane, but in a blue, white, and black outfit, strolling down the sidewalk. Upon hearing the crying he springs into action!)

 

BLURRICANE

Holy Smokes~! Someone needs help!

 

(Blurricane swooshes forward until he sees a young child crying.)

 

BLURRICANE

Whazzamaddawityou?

 

CHILD

Huh? *sob*

 

BLURRICANE

Whazzamaddawityou?

 

CHILD

What?

 

BLURRICANE

WHAZZA...MADDAWITYOU?

 

CHILD

My cat is stuck in the tree!

 

BLURRICANE

Holy Catnip~!! What dastardly fiend put your cat in that tree?? Was it the Joker? Or maybe it was Kingpin! Or maybe...

 

CHILD

No one put him up there! He climbed up there and won't come down!

 

BLURRICANE

Don't worry citizen I'll get that cat down for you!

 

(Blurricane takes off running away from the tree)

 

CHILD

Wait...where are you going?

 

BLURRICANE

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!

 

(Blurricane comes running towards the tree and leaps into the air...he barely misses the branch with his hands and slams into the tree)

 

BLURRICANE

Owww!!! Holy Newton's Apple!! This tree must be made of kryptonite!!

 

CHILD

You're a dork!

 

(Blurricane get's back up and takes off running again)

 

BLURRICANE

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

 

(This time Blurricane manages to grab hold of a branch and dangles from it, kicking his feet. Finally he pulls himself up and reaches for the cat. As his fingers get close the cat jumps out of the tree and runs to the child)

 

CHILD

Mr. Wookums!! Let's go Mr. Wookums!

 

BLURRICANE

Umm...a little help please?

 

(Blurricane falls from the tree and quickly gets up as if he meant to do it)

 

BLURRICANE

See. Another good deed. This world needs heroes. And soon OAOAST Intense Zone will have a new hero! Until then...take your prayers and say your vitamins! Ummm.......nevermind.

 

(Blurricane gives a hokey thumbs up and smile as the screen fades out)

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

iZ Tag Team Match

IOU (former #1 Contenders) vs. LOL

 

Announcer:

This following match is a tag team match and is for the ownership of the church of jobitude of latter day saints. It has a 20 minute time limit and is no disqualification

 

Introducing the current owner of the church of jobitude Jobitude version 3 and his tag team partner k-ness.

 

:: j.o.b. squad and k-ness come to the ring to a moderate sized pop ::

 

Now introducing the challengers from the church of bobitude they are bobitude beta test and ghey-ness the Latin Organization of Losers the L.O.L.

 

:: b.o.b. squad and ghey-ness come down to the ring to absolutely no reaction no body cares about a jobber squash no matter how silly it is::

 

j.o.b. squad and bob squad start off with a collar and elbow tie up.

 

j.o.b. squad reverses into a hammer lock

 

bob squad moves to the ropes to tag in ghey-ness.

 

Ghey-ness breaks up the hammerlock with a drop kick to the face of job squad who falls backwards.

 

Ghey-ness follows up with a Jugigatame. K-ness brakes up the hold with a top rope knee drop onto the head of ghey-ness.

 

Jr. - bah gawd he just screwed himself out of the submission.

 

K-ness and ghey-ness start to brawl but then k-ness ducks a right cross which allows him to lock on a sleeper hold which is broken up by a b.o.b. squad diving head BUTT.

 

Bob squad and job squad then lock on simultaneous iron claws on each other. But before either man can tap out to this devastating hold. 20 of the church of bobitude ninja security guards run in and distract the ref while both j.o.b. squad and b.o.b. squad are taping to each others claw holds. But before the bobitude ninja security guards can do more damage than a distracted ref 20 church of jobitude ninja security guards run down and slaughter the opposing squad of ninja security guards.

 

But during the battle out from the crowd comes a mask man with three scantily clad kung-fu fighting lady vampires they kendo stick shot b.o.b. squad and j.o.b. squad then make sure they both have their arms draped over each other before they leave.

 

The ref counts the dual covers.

1

2

3.

 

the ref announces that since it is a draw that we both now own the church of the multitude of later day saints.

 

 

Why Go Home?

 

evenflowDDT stalks the shadows on the way to the ring. He's not afraid of the WarZone rules, and he's in no mood to be bothered. He bumps into n00b Sonic Youth and his ladies en route to the ring and keeps going.

 

Sonic Youth

Hey, watch yourself! A man like me, and rules like these...

 

evenflowDDT stops dead in his tracks and turns around. He stares down Sonic Youth, who smirks, then turns around for a second as if to leave, then whips back around and lunges at Sonic Youth. He rakes the eyes AND low-blows SY. Lauren & Jane try and pull SY away, but evenflowDDT just looks at them, smiling. He knees Lauren in the gut and shoves her into SY, but Jane smashes a bat over his back. evenflowDDT turns around, and grabs the bat when Jane tries another swing, but SY clotheslines evenflowDDT in the back of the head, grabs Jane, and the three duck into a doorway. evenflowDDT turns back around, and continues to the ring.

 

"As Heaven is Wide" hits and the crowd commences to boo as evenflowDDT makes his way to the ring.

 

evenflowDDT

I know what you're thinking. I'm a failure. You laugh. I have nothing... NOTHING, not even my pride. You could never understand, but you're right. For once each and every single one of you simpletons is right on the money. I'm a failure. Instead of reform, Zack's lashed out harder. Who knows how far down the dark side he'll go. But you never pinned me Zack. All technicalities aside, I will be back, and I will take my vengeance. What am I going to do? I'm going to get drunk, slit my wrists, and hopefully bleed to death. Maybe dying will bring purpose to my life. Thanks to my TRUE friends in the Trinity... have fun with them Zack. And remember, whatever comes, you brought it upon yourself.

 

evenflowDDT is the only one to laugh at his own sick joke, before turning around and heading back into the shadows.

 

Kevin Kelly Sits Down!

Interview with Zack Malibu

 

Cut to the backstage area, inside the all too familiar posh dressing room of Zack Malibu and Alison. Kevin Kelly is seated on the chair, while Zack and Alison sit side by side on the couch.

 

KELLY

"Zack, I know you've got a lot on your mind tonight. You had agreed to do the Intensely Interviewing segment this week as a followup to whatever happened in your match with EvenflowDDT at Living Angleously. I don't think you, or any of us, expected the events of last night to take place."

 

ZACK

"Yes and no, Kelly. (looks at camera) That was a reference for all you fellow Saved By The Bell fans out there in TV Land, by the way. I mean, I knew the match was going to be a brawl, that he wasn't going to want to keep it confined to the ring. When it comes to Evenflow these days, I don't put anything past him. He did his damndest to win that match. If his heart was in the right place, he'd be unbeatable. His attitude is his character flaw."

 

KELLY

"Understandable that your focus is still on Evenflow, as that book is far from finished. However, I'm more interested in your thoughts on the situation post-match, with El Dandy, SpiderPoet, and Big...well now, Stephen Joseph, creating The Trinity."

 

ZACK

"Yeah, you're the reported, so you need the scoop, the big news, the headline. How about this one...I expected it. I saw it coming a long time ago. Popick is very good at what he does...he's a con artist. He puts on this holier than thou attitude, when he's a walking sin himself. A liar, a cheat, a thief...and those are the nice things you can say about him."

 

KELLY

"You say that Popick has done it before, so this latest turn doesn't surprise you. But what about SpiderPoet and El Dandy, Los Infernales? What do you think their motives are in this?"

 

ZACK

"Poet's a guy who's got a few screws loose. These guys came in as the hottest team since JINGUS and Eskimo took off, and he got greedy. He wants the World Belt. That #1 Contenders Tourney before AM2, partly because he bitched about members of the roster not getting a fair shake. Who took me on on IZ a few weeks ago? Poet. Hell he's going to put the knife in Dandy's back sooner than later, same to Popick. He's a rogue, he's the loner type. He's unstable, and that doesn't fit into a group effort. As for Dandy, he's a badass. Stiff son of a bitch too. But he gets lead around like a dog on a leash. If Poet can do that to him, I'd hate to see him with the ladies."

 

KELLY

"My next question is directed at you, Alison. You saw Evenflow risk life and limb for you during The In Crowd days. Now that you're with Zack, and he's holding this belt, he has a target painted on his back. Does that scare you, that you may be used as a pawn to get to him?"

 

ALISON

"Scared? I don't know if I can ever be scared after living through light tubes and death matches, Kevin. Concerned is more like it, for myself and for Zack. We're both strong, and we can make it. He's there for me, and I'm going to be there for him."

 

KELLY

"Zack, we're just about out of time. What I'd like to do for the few remaining moments we have, is play word association with you."

 

ZACK

"Sure."

 

KELLY

"EvenflowDDT."

 

ZACK

"Let me down."

 

KELLY

"Featured Attraction."

 

ZACK

"Next big team."

 

KELLY

"Anglemania 2."

 

ZACK

"Best night in company history."

 

KELLY

"The Trinity."

 

ZACK

"Better be ready for a fight."

 

KELLY

"And finally...Stephen Joseph."

 

ZACK

"In for a rude awakening."

 

With those words uttered, the camera closes in tight on Zack, as we fade out.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

iZ Singles Match

Zack Malibu vs. Stephen Joseph

Non-Title

 

"Come with Me" fires up, and is met with boos as Stephen Joseph walks slowly out. His look of distate, obvious to the fans...and he is oblivious

 

JR: This man is sick.

 

Jesse: But he got me beer! ::Jesse holds up a six pack, half-drunk::

 

JR: Well, at least that running gag is over with.

 

SJ enters the ring as the lights go out, and the ring explodes in white! Stephen Joseph now awaits his opponent

 

"Bring me to Life" plays and that gets the crowd a rising...It's Zack Malibu, the World Champ (sans title) storming down into the ring...He and Joseph meet right in the middle, nose to nose...

 

JR: Joseph, BPP, whoever, has NEVER beaten Zack Malibu

 

Jesse: Yes he has...

 

JR: Respectably I mean.

 

Jesse: Hey, win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat! I love this guy!

 

JR: You're so fair weather.

 

Jesse: GOOOOO JOSEPH!

 

Stephen chops Zack's chest, pushing him back a step. Zack responds the same, chopping...Back and forth, chests ablaze in Red. They lock-up in the ropes, and Zack gains an edge...Take Down on Stephen Joseph...into a headlock...Popick flips out...bridging...TWIST OF FATE

 

JR: Hooolleee ...

 

Jesse: ::spits beer::

 

Stephen with the Cover...1...2...Zack KIPS UP OUT OF THE PIN!

 

JR: Hooolleee Shit...

 

Jesse: ...

 

Stephen stares at Zack with amazement. The crowd screams...Zack is alive in emotion...

 

Stephen charges...but Zack with the right hands...back him up to the ropes...Off the ropes...Spinning Elbow strike...Zack Covers...Popick kicks out at 2!

 

Zack twists around Popick, seizing an opportunity...Popick turns to face...Zack with a POP DROP!!! POP DROP!!! ... NO! Popick squilles out...Quick Snap FINALITY!

 

JR: That could be...

 

Jesse: It is!

 

1...

 

2...

 

3...NO!

 

Jesse: Leave it to Zack to kill a finisher!

 

JR: OH shut UP !

 

Popick stands up and yells, motioning to the back...And out come Los Infernales...

 

JR: He's bringing backup...

 

Jesse: Cheat!

 

Popick picks Zack up...and goes for a PileDriver! But Zack Counters into a back body drop!... Popick is slammed onto the mat, and then Zack sees the Infernales...

 

Zack sees SP get close to the ring apron on the other side, and thusly turns his attention to the Poet...Only a smidgen of movement in his left eye...Zack turns around...

 

SYNCHRONICITY!

 

Stephen Joseph falls over, spent, and on top of Zack...Jack Doan has no choice but to count.

 

1...

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3...!

 

JR: Stephen Joseph just pinned Zack Malibu for the first time ever clean!

 

Jesse: I was not expecting that.

 

JR: He's always had to cheat...I'm afraid to say this, but this new focus...

 

Jesse: It's scary...but in a GOOD WAY!

 

JR: And ... nO!

 

Spiderpoet and El Dandy come into the Ring...Stephen pulls Zack up... and Dandy hits a Dandy's Inferno on Zack Malibu...lying him on his back... and then SPIDAHSAULT! Malibu coughs blood

 

SJ rolls under the ring ropes and approaches the table, grabbing a headset.

 

SJ:

A rude awakening Zack? No sir, YOU'RE the one in for a rude awakening. And the NightMare of Salvation continues on HELDdown! Sinner, I shall see you there!

 

JR: OMG!...What will the Trinity do on HeldDOWN?

 

Jesse: They'll KICK ASS!

 

JR: Someone's got to stand up for this... OMG..FEATURED ATTRACTION!!

 

FA runs down from the ring ramp...Poet and Dandy start to ready themselves, but Joseph yells at them to bail, calling "Another Day..."

 

JR: Thank God for Featured Attraction...They just saved Zack

 

Jesse: But I bet another beating will be in store for them...The Trin has to be frustrated that they carnage was stopped...

 

JR: We'll find out next monday!

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Darkeness begins to fill but then, the screen fills with a camera shot.

 

A cameraman runs outside where Lightning is speeding to the parking lot on a motorcycle with Cappa chasing him down very closely on his motorcycle! Suddenly, Lightning’s bike sputters to a stop! He ran out of gas! He yells, “OH SHIT”! Cappa is rapidly catching up! Lightning drops the bike down and begins to run away! However, Lightning tosses a pipe near Cappa! Cappa brakes to avoid it! He gets up from his bike and goes to chase Lightning on foot! Lightning trips while turning away to look at Cappa! Cappa grabs hold of Lighning! Lightning is pleading for Cappa to stop! Cappa ignores it as he has an evil look on his face! They make it over to the arena wall as a crowd is accumulating in the parking lot! The crowd is chanting, “Kick His Ass”! Cappa slams Lightning’s face onto the concrete wall! Lightning falls down as he covers his face! Cappa grabs a trash can and smacks it over Lightning’s back! He hits it two more times! Lightning is still down! So, Cappa does a running kick to Lightning’s ass! Lightning is screaming, “TAKE MY BELT! JUST PLEASE STOP!” Cappa stops for a while and walks away! Lightning slowly gets up and starts to walk away. However, Cappa comes out in a golf cart and runs down Lightning! Cappa gets out and grabs Lightning! He walks over to a parked car! They climb to the roof of the car! Lightning low blows Cappa! Cappa ducks down in pain! Lightning tries to go for an Annexation of Puerto Rico, but Cappa blocks it and does the BUST A CAP on the top of the car! Lightning is out! The security forces run out to take away Cappa to boos! Cappa yells, “IT’S NOT OVER”!

 

Roll Credits:

 

Produced by: Big Poppa Popick

 

Graphics: SpiderPoet

 

Writers: Puerto Rico

Mad Cappa

ShooterJay

Big Poppa Popick

EvenflowDDT

Zack Malibu

Job Squad

Vitamin X

DAWNBTVS (Sonic Youth)

The Dames

Blurricane

 

Confidential Producer:Caboose

 

Executive Producers

 

Big Poppa Popick

Masked Mystery Eskimo

SpiderPoet