OAOAST IntenseZone - 5/5/03

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Scene opens in a dimly lit room, where the entire OAOAST Roster stands together, Zack Malibu in front. They all look at the camera with thin smiles and their heads held high, though their eyes betray the reason they've assembled. Zack looks up at the camera.

 

"In this world, people can take powerbombs off of steel cages, fall from rafters, perform death defying feats and walk away. Especially here, in the realm of the written word. We are inspired by legends, by those who came before and gave us something to laugh, to cheer, and to cry for. And while we are the keyboard bards, it is the true legends who are responsible for all of this. Recently, we have lost several of those that we, as fans at heart, certainly held dear. Owen, Yoko, Bulldog . . . Mister Perfect."

 

Crystal steps forward.

 

"Tonight, we honor all of our fallen, as well as the most recent. A woman who did not need to resort to the low end of the spectrum to get her point across. Who could stir our hearts with a winning smile and great love. The classiest of them all."

 

 

DING

 

DING

 

DING

 

DING

 

DING

 

DING

 

DING

 

DING

 

DING

 

DING

 

The TV goes black . . .

Edited May 4, 2003 by SpiderPoet

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

 

Narrator (James Earl Jones)::

Last Week on IntenseZone ...

 

Hate...

Hate:: An intense feeling of dislike

 

Lightning low blows Cappa! Cappa ducks down in pain! Lightning tries to go for an Annexation of Puerto Rico, but Cappa blocks it and does the BUST A CAP on the top of the car! Lightning is out! The security forces run out to take away Cappa to boos! Cappa yells, “IT’S NOT OVER”!

 

Envy...

Envy:: The desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.

 

What am I going to do? I'm going to get drunk, slit my wrists, and hopefully bleed to death. Maybe dying will bring purpose to my life. Thanks to my TRUE friends in the Trinity... have fun with them Zack. And remember, whatever comes, you brought it upon yourself.

 

Lust...

Lust:: An inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.

 

The camera shows a girls legs in the air and loud moaning is very audible for a few seconds.

 

The girls says: “Dames…the tape is rolling.”

 

Dames: “Oh shit. Get off me, woman!”

 

Dames appears in the cameras view with his glasses crooked, a few buttons unbuttoned and with some light sweat on his forehead. He zooms the camera away to expose a messy desk and he’s now sitting on it. He fixes his glasses, adjusts his collar and clears his throat.

 

Greed...

Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.

 

Like I always say though, 'your best is never good enough.' I'm not letting up until I have some gold on my shoulder, whether it's North American gold, Puerto Rican gold, tag gold with Undisputed, or the world title- yeah Zack, don't think I don't have you on the agenda also- and I become the mainstream superstar I've always dreamed of being.

 

Pride

Pride:: The excessive belief in one's own abilities that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It is the sin from which all others arise.

 

The man looks up and we finally see Vitamin X's eyes as he stares into the camera, menacing light eyes.

 

X: "I'm Vitamin X. And I am just that much better than you."

 

Gluttony

Gluttony:: An inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.

 

:: Hundreds of thousands of non-IZ ninja security guards come swinging thru the windows on the left side of the church. ::

 

j.o.b. squad – Oh that army. Well I better call in my army of goodness then.

 

:: hundreds of thousands more non-IZ ninja security guards come swinging thru the windows on the right side of the church (did we put any doors in this church?) ::

 

Anger

Anger:: Something manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury.

 

JINGUS gets back on the mic:

 

"You want to help me? YOU think you can even come close to ME? You're even more pathetic than I thought. I planned to end you, tonite, here. But I see you still havn't learn your lesson, Eskimo. So this isnt over. It isnt over by a long way."

 

Revenge

Revenge:: Acting in a spiteful manner as a reaction against a perceived wrong against the subject.

 

JR: Stephen Joseph just pinned Zack Malibu for the first time ever clean!

 

Jesse: I was not expecting that.

 

JR: He's always had to cheat...I'm afraid to say this, but this new focus...

 

Jesse: It's scary...but in a GOOD WAY!

 

JR: And ... nO!

 

Spiderpoet and El Dandy come into the Ring...Stephen pulls Zack up... and Dandy hits a Dandy's Inferno on Zack Malibu...lying him on his back... and then SPIDAHSAULT! Malibu coughs blood

 

SJ rolls under the ring ropes and approaches the table, grabbing a headset.

 

SJ:

A rude awakening Zack? No sir, YOU'RE the one in for a rude awakening. And the NightMare of Salvation continues!

 

::The screen goes to a fading black as James Earl Jones continues in the darkness. Sounds men suplexing each other, grunting in pain, flows through the monologue::

 

"Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak. 'What are you thinking of? What thinking? What? 'I never know what you are thinking. Think."

 

"All I want to do is live."

 

"IntenseZone"

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

A video hyping the North American Battle Royale plays to start out things...

 

Between the desire...

 

Jay "Shooter" Doring taping up his ankles, his face the perfect look of concentration. His desire...Prove to Andrew Hyland that his is a threat to be taken seriously...and prove it TONIGHT.

 

And the spasm...

 

Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland polishing the North American championship, taking pride in its glistening gold. For this man, the belt is an affirmation of all that he could possibly be, both good and bad. He seeks to dazzle the crowd again, proving why he is the greatest North American Champion...EVER.

 

Between the potency...

 

The Mad Cappa is huffing through a series of hard and fast pushups...changing arms to work out the left, then the right. In front of him is a picture of Puerto Rican Lightning.

 

And the existence...

 

Sonic Youth signs autographs for fans outside the OaOasT arena, flanked by his two lovely ladies Lauren and Janet. Both smile and chit-chat with the fans, the fame they have long sought, the attention they revel in is now theirs for the taking.

 

How far will Sonic fly tonight?

 

Between the essence...

 

A masked man, dressed in a blue cape, practices Whooshing in and out of his locker-room. His opportunity to be the hero is tonight.

 

And the descent...

 

Drunken Fuck sits in a corner, alone, chugging beer and quietly sobbing. "Tonight it will be better" he hopes and prays...Will he even get a chance to compete?

 

Falls the Shadow.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning confers with Mr. Boricua about tonight, with Lindsay Gonzalez listening in the background. All his hate, all his passion, focused one hurting one man, and proving one point. Andrew Hyland is no worthy Champion.

 

For Thine is the Kingdom...

 

Orion is in his locker-room, watching a replay of his FADE TO BLACK on Big Poppa Popick at Living AngleLously. Having made an impact, he seeks to follow it up by winning the Royale.

 

For Thine is Life...

 

Reject walks towards the arena with a purpose, a man on a mission. He's been around a long time, but has never gotten the recognition that others have gotten. His title reign largely forgotten, now he seeks rebirth. The first step? Dominate the Royale. Then get back his title from Hyland. At all Costs...

 

For Thine is the Time.

 

And finally, Undisputed is taping up his wrists, with ShooterJay in the background. Undisputed came in with Jay but recently has been in the background. Now, he says, is his time to prove why he is the featured attraction...

 

This is the way the match ends

This is the way my life begins

This is the way which makes legends

Not with a whimper but a bang

 

Vitamin X: "I am just this much better than all of you."

 

 

 

JR: Welcome to OaOasT IntenseZone. Alongside me is ...

Jesse: Jesse "The Mind" Ventura!

JR: That was an awesome way to start the show...

Jesse: That video captured it all. Everyone wants the opportunies being the North American Champion gives...Look at what it did for Big Poppa Popick, or Angle-Plex...

JR: They both have had numerous World Title Shots.

Jesse: Exactly...It catapults wrestlers to the next level.

JR: And tonight, one man is going to set himself apart from all the rest...Who will it be?

Jesse: I don't know JR...but whatever happens, this match will go down in history.

JR: Right now...Kevin Kelly is tracking someone backstage.

Edited May 3, 2003 by Big Poppa Popick

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

::Kevin Kelly is...err...jogging through the back to catch up to Stephen Joseph, leaving for his match against Eskimo in just a few minutes. The Infernales are nowhere to be seen, but SJ has a smug look of confidence of his face. Kelly finally meets up with Stephen, who stops and turns to Kelly, and his right hand extends, demanding the microphone. Kelly takes in a big gulp, handing the dialetical diatribe tool over to the darkened man.

 

Stephen Joseph

"I call this my Anthem. Stanza One."

 

"The stories in the bible tell a frightening story for those who pretend faith. These holiday believers are not unlike many of our fans, well, Zack's fans, or Zack for that matter. Don't know what I am talking about...ehhh...probably not. THAT requires intelligence. Let's have a talk and examine a few things. Would you like that? Would you? It's divinity really, or a glimpse of the heavens...It all came clear when I first saw the swatch of white light right after AngleMania. I'd...never felt that before. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you remember what HE did to me?"

 

::Stephen looks at Kelly quizically, giving the OaOasT fans time enough to start booing...even throwing in a "SJ sucks!" chant.::

 

"Hmmph, by your cordial booing...hah...I guess you do and don't care, or just don't. Anywho, let's converse! Yes! Oh what shall I tackle first...but the old story of Job. I know how he feels, really I do. I had it all at one point, a title worthy of defending, friends whom I could trust, a beautiful valet, the adoration of the masses, and a great backstage reputation. Of those I have nothing now save three people, one a friend only because of a common enemy, and the other two, faithful disciples, faithful men."

 

::Stephen pauses to collect his thoughts and find a way to continue. Wetness shines off his eyes, he is clearly possessed in torment by his speech. Pain sometimes...is liberating.::

 

The rest of your are faithless, faceless, cowering huddles of flesh. So Job right?...Job gets all these things taken away from him because of a game the devil and God were playing. God was sooo right all along wasn't he to do that. I mean, what kind of graceful omnipotent God FUCKS WITH PEOPLES LIVES LIKE SO! He did it then, he's doing it now. Now I want to know! But wait, I forgot the ending to Job's story. See, Job stayed true to his faith, he kept his head up when the waters of despair filled his house. Job persevered his persecution. And what happened then? After God had proven the devil wrong, Job got everything back, tenfold. See...that's whats going to happen hear Zack...Some Guy, Caboose, Featured Whatever...I shall persevere this onslaught of shame, ridicule, and doubt. There's a destiny Zack, we have been locked into it ever since we both met. I am to SAVE you Zack...save you from your pursuit of the material and bring you to the pursuit of the good."

 

::Stephen looks straight into the camera now, his face a calm, rolling anger, if there is such a thing. The crowd is now silent, overwhelmed by the power of the vehement spewing forth from this orification.::

 

"At School's Out Zack, I will show the whole world that you are indeed what I claim you to be, a wolf in sheep's clothing, a false leader and prophet, a terrible human being. The devil himself you are. And not only that, but I guarentee I'll win. And that will crush your spirit Zack, just like it has every other time you've lost your belt, your chance at ::cough:: glory. And by the way...tell me you don't trust good ole Caboose do you? Have you forgotten OUR history. Have you forgotten the MasterPlan from last year he and I pulled on you RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE. Remember, he and I saved the OaOasT from the a.W.o...not you!"

 

Stephen again pauses, and now the crowd is back...booing with a fervent pitch. He even LAUGHS and points to Kelly, then into the direction of the fans. A stagehand walks into the picture, and then immediately bolts out.

 

"But onto tonight...oh sweet succulent tonight. I'm set to go against Eskimo...with you in his corner. Lovely...just where I want you Zack...I have a suprise of my own...I put in a call to a friend...but the fans don't know this do they...yes they don't. See, what you fans don't realize is that pretty much once the show is done, we all part our separate ways...Sure we might call each other on occasion, but none of us socializes outside the show...except for me...and Jyngus. How's that for a friend...?

 

::The crowd stands in shocked silence. Jyngus in Stephen Joseph's corner?::

 

"As for Featured Nothing...or more specifically their mouthpiece ShooterRightInMyAss...Next Monday night, you'll be made an example of...a martyr to the cause of saving Zack Malibu. You, Me, a ring."

 

::He pauses. Then, in a deep voice::

 

"An Inferno Match."

 

::The crowd POPS big time. An Inferno match? Stephen Joseph once played with fire, and he came out on top. But that was the old Popick, not this one...How more brutal can you get than burying someone in a flaming casket? The pop subsides, and Stephen Joseph finishes up::

 

"Play with Fire...and you get burned. Your career, shot like a flaming metoer, comes crashing down into reality, and I shall pick at your smoldering remains. Don't you understand. I AM THE SAVIOUR OF THIS DAMNED PLACE!. I SHALL BRING IT BACK TO GLORY! BOW DOWN! Bow down heathens...bow down to your Almighty Saviors, the Trinity knows the way."

 

"Purity through Pain."

 

Kevin Kelly watches Stephen Joseph walk off...

 

Kevin: umm... back to you JR.

 

JR: That match will be next...Wait...whats this?

Edited May 3, 2003 by Big Poppa Popick

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

"Simply Ravishing" blasts over the loud speakers as the fans pop, due to the unexpected appearance of former wrestler now talk-show host Tony "The Body"!

 

JR: Jesse Ventura, what is this?

 

Jesse: This is unbelieveable, Ross. We're going to be blessed with the presence of my favorite OAOAST SUPERSTAR, Tony "The Body"...I love it!

 

Tony emerges from the set and heads to the ring.

 

Tony: Cut the music. What I'd like to have right now, is for all you fat, poor, cable watching couch-potatoes; keep the noise down, while I take a moment to explain why yours truly is on the Intense Zone.

 

Loud TO-NY! TO-NY!! TO-NY!!! chant.

 

Tony: After my and 'The Body Shop's' spectacular return to OAOAST programming, I get another call from TSM execs, begging me to go on IZ and do a little somethin'. Since all I care about is myself, my dick, myself...again, my women, and my money; I decided to take TSM up on the offer. So tonight I debut "Body Language."

 

Crowd pops.

 

BODY LANGUAGE

 

Tony: You little people shouldn't get your hopes up. While I'm doing the show tonight...for the pay-day...it doesn't mean I'm going to do it everyweek. I might just save it for 'The Body Shop' on pay-per-view.

 

Crowd boos.

 

Jesse: This people don't understand; you gotta make sure you don't overexpose yourself.

 

Tony: But tonight I'm going to talk about School's Out, particularity, the OAOAST championship match between Zack Malibu, and a good friend of mine, Stephen Joseph. Zack (!), Stephen Joseph has a case of stigmata! He's a prophecy, pal. I'm sure you'll come up with some excuse because you've been ducking people left and right; broken arm, injured knee, lost your smile ... If you did lose your smile, it's because the Trinity knocked your damn teeth out. You even have a member of the "Quit Squad" Caboose coming in saving you. Zackie, you might as well bring in all your girlfriends because you'll need all the help you can get. But I'll give you credit, you might be a pretty boy, and you might date a skank, but you have some guts ... guts which Stephen Joseph and the Trinty will rip out of your stomach and sacrifice your soul and save you from yourself.

 

Cameras cut to a sign in the crowd: INFERNALES SACRIFICE THEIR ASS TO STEPHEN! LORD STEPHEN JOSEPH! TRINITY = WHY RIP-OFF THE MINISTRY? THEY'RE NOT A WOMAN! McMAHON LOVES TRINITY!

 

Tony: Be sure to check out 'The Body Shop,' Sunday, May 25th, at School's Out, with guest, the ONLY two-time OAOAST champion Anglesault!

 

As always, it's been YOUR honor!

 

[Cut To:]

 

A camera enters the locker room, finding Mystery Eskimo sat, deep in thought. A hand falls on his shoulder. Eskimo turns and the camera pans to see Zack Malibu standing over him. The crowd pops for the OAOAST champion, and Eskimo gets to his feet.

 

Eskimo: Zack...good to see you.

Zack: Tough match for you tonite, Eskie. You know Stephen Joseph will have Los Infernales backing him up. Plus you have JINGUS after your blood. I thought I'd come down and maybe even up the score.

Eskimo: Thanks Zack, I appreciate it. You know, BPP, Stephen Jospeh, whatever he wants to be called, ever since I first came into the OAOAST, we've run against each other. I won my first title from him, and lost it to him too. I know him as well as anyone, which is why I'm going to defeat him tonite and protect IntenseZone from the Trinity.

Zack: And JINGUS?

Eskimo: Last week I made a mistake. I thought I could still reach him. But whatever human part of him there was, it's gone. I underestimated him, and I paid for it. But next time, I'll hold nothing back.

And tonite, I'm going to prove that if you're not in with the Inuit, you're out of it!

Zack: That your new catchphrase?

Eskimo: Yeah! You like it?

Zack: *doubtfully* Um...yeah...you know you're already over, right?

Eskimo: What's your point?

Zack: *Amused* Nothing...good luck, buddy. I'll see you later.

 

Zack walks out, and Eskimo turns. A huge shape steps out of the shadows in the corner of the room.

 

JINGUS: You think HE'S going to be able to help you?

Eskimo assumes a fighting stance

JINGUS: Relax. This isn't the time or the place.

Eskimo: What if I decide it is?

JINGUS: You won't. You're still scared of me.

Eskimo: Crap. I'll meet you anytime, anyplace. I'm not thinking with my heart anymore, J. I just want this over.

JINGUS: Eskimo, don't worry. Your fear and pain will be over soon enough. Eskimo: Don't flatter yourself J.

JINGUS: I feel it. I feed on it. I can sense the sweat on your back. Your heartbeat is elevated.

JINGUS backs away into the shadows again.

JINGUS: School's Out, Eskimo. Prepare to fail your final examination

 

JR: Up next, Stephen Joseph goes up against Eskimo

Jesse: He's getting his icy ass kicked.

JR: Ever the optimist?

Jesse:I'm a realist

Edited May 4, 2003 by SpiderPoet

[Guest SP-1]

A heavy, slightly familiar beat plays out and the crowd is slightly confused. The song reveals itself as the remixed Ice Ice Baby, Too Cold, and Mystery Eskimo walks out confidently and salutes the fans. After almost a year, Eskimo has changed his music and with it his mask and trunks, the sober black of the past has been replaced with bright, sparkling blue with silver trim. The new look Eskimo gets a big pop as his wall of Goldberg-esque white pyro erupts around him. Eskimo walks through and down the ailse, slapping fans hands, clearly now in full babyface role.

 

JR: Way back in history Eskimo was a big fan favourite and it looks like the fans are ready to get behind Eskimo again!

Jesse: Its sickening. No wonder JINGUS hates him. I know I do.

 

An even bigger pop is drawn from the fans as ZACK MALIBU walks out behind Eskimo. He nods and follows Eskimo down, standing and pointing to Eskimo as the masked man gets in the ring and bounces off the ropes.

 

"Come To Me" plays and Stephen Joseph walks out, to be greeted with a thunderous chorus of boos from the fans. The massive body of JINGUS appears behind him.

 

Jesse: I knew it would be him!

JR: Popick told us it would be! Stop claiming credit for everything! Jessel: I deserve credit for everything, Jim Ross!

JR: This can't be good news for Eskimo, JINGUS will do whatever's necessary to ensure defeat for him here.

 

JINGUS follows Stephen Joseph to the ring, as Zack and Eskimo watch warily. JINGUS takes up position on the other side of the ring to Zack, and SJ slides into the ring, glaring a hole in Zack, ignoring Eskimo for the time being. Zack stares right back but doesnt move from ringside.

JINGUS is making cut throat gestures and grinning maniacally at Eskimo, who looks calm and collected and is able to concentrate on SJ.

The bell rings for the start of the match, as the crowd heat starts to rise. Stephen Jospeh continues to stare at Zack as Eskimo waits in position behind him. Our referee tries to attract SJ's attention, but gets shoved away. Eskimo walks round and gets into SJ's face, finally breaking his hold with Zack as Popick jaws back at Eskimo. Eskimo lands a right hand and SJ fires back as they start to brawl in the middle of the ring.

 

JR: At last, we're underway. This should be a great match up between two fine technical wrestlers.

Jesse: Oh, so you admit Stephen Joseph is a great athlete?

JR: No ones disputing that! It's his methods I don't care for!

Eskimo ducks a Popick forearm shot and nails a Penguin Kick! but SJ gets back up before Eskimo can cover. Eskimo whips him off the ropes and connects with a flying forearm, but the cover only gets 1.

Eskimo gets a snap suplex that gets a 2 count, but as he pull SJ up there's a rake to the eyes, and SJ starts to chop at Eskimo, rocking him back. Eskimo fires back with his own chops, drawing "wooo!"s from the crowd, but SJ regains the advantage with a jawbreaker.

 

SJ starts to beat down Eskimo, and grabs at his mask, trying to pull it off. Eskimo pushes Popick off but gets a stiff kick to the head that gets a 2 count for SJ. SJ starts to work on the back of Eskimo, dropping a series of elbows followed by a backbreaker. SJ whips Eskimo into the turnbuckle HARD, and follows it with an equally hard whip to the opposite corner. Eskimo staggers out as SJ bounces off the ropes and dropkicks him in the back. Eskimo goes down and the cover gets 2.

 

JR: Since his change of direction, Stephen Joseph seems more focused, more methodical in the ring. He's going after that back of Eskimo with no mercy at all.

 

SJ follows up with a high elevation belly to back suplex. As Eskimo crashes to the mat, SJ walks back over to Zack, pointing at Eskimo and laughing softly. JINGUS roars in appreciation. SJ turns back as Eskimo gets up, and gets a gut wrench suplex. SJ climbs to the second rope and drops a big elbow across the back of Eskimo. SJ kicks the body of Eskimo mockingly as he lies prone and goes to a chinlock, stretching Eskimo's back as he wrenches the hold on.

 

Zack leads the crowd in a chant of ESK-I-MO! ESK-I-MO! as M.E. tries to fight out.Eskimo manages to roll over to his side, bringing SJ with him but still trapped in the hold. SJ takes advantage by wrapping his legs round Eskimo in a body scissors and pulling further back on the chin and neck of Eskimo.

 

Jesse: This is great, Eskimo is going to tap out.

JR: He certainly looks in a bad way.

 

ME looks to be fading, but starts to throw elbows at the gut of Popick. SJ loses his grip sufficiently for Eskimo to escape the body scissors, spinning round and locking in the FROSTBITE FACELOCK! Eskimo doesn't look to be using all his strength on the hold however, as his back is clearly hurting him, and SJ is able to make the ropes with little trouble. Eskimo breaks the hold and staggers up. SJ tries for a German suplex on Eskimo, but Eskie reverses it to one of his own, followed by another! And another! The cover, 1, 2, no!

 

Eskimo holds his back as he gets up and signals for the Blizzard Bomb, but SJ spins out and DDT's Eskimo. SJ bounces of the ropes and drops a big knee straight into the back of Eskimo.

 

JR: He's trying to break his spine! That sick bastard!

 

Popick goes for a hold on Eskimo...its the Frostbite! SJ mocks Eskimo,whispering in his ear as he pulls back.

 

JR: Stephen Joseph using the Frostbite Facelock, a move designed to further weaken the back of Eskimo.

 

SJ doesnt have Eskimo's arm trapped properly though, and Eskimo slips free and kicks SJ in the back of the head. Eskimo goes for the Frostbite himself but SJ is right by the ropes and grabs them with both hands. Eskimo takes him by the waist and legs and pulls him off the ropes and over with an Ocean Cyclone suplex!

 

Jesse: That's cheating! He pulled Stephen off the ropes!

JR: Oh be quiet! If Popick did that you'd love it!

 

Eskimo hooks in the full nelson, KILLERWHALEPLEX! Hold for the cover, 1, 2, NO, SJ kicks out at 2.9. Eskimo grabs SJ and tries for the IceBreaker Cradle Piledriver, but SJ backdrops Eskimo to escape.

 

Jesse: Genius! He LET Eskimo set up in order to hit that backdrop and damage Eskimo's back some more!

 

SJ plants both knees in the back of Eskimo, takes his arms and rolls back, lifting Eskimo up into a surfboard type hold. Eskimo's back is painfully bent and the crowd tries to get behind him again.Eskimo tries to wriggle free and eventually Popick lets him drop, but doesnt let up the assault with another backbreaker. The cover, 1, 2 , no! Eskimo out at the last minute.

 

Another kneedrop, but Eskimo roles aside. Eskimo pulls himself up on the ropes as SJ charges in, but Eskimo drops down, pulling the ropes over and SJ crashes over and out right next to Zack! The referee immediately slides out and gets between the two, as Stephen J. tries to get at Zack.

 

With the ref outside, its easy for JINGUS to jump into the ring and wait, grinning, as Eskimo pulls himself up again. JINGUS pulls him into a DEVILBOMB attempt, but Eskimo fights out and Penguin Kicks JINGUS, but the Devilman no sells and CLAWSLAMS Eskimo. JINGUS rushes out to the floor and takes out Zack with a shot from behind. Stephen Joseph slides back into the ring...

 

JR: NO! Dammit this isn't right!

 

The ref follows, the cover, 1, 2, NO! Eskimo kicks out!

 

SJ stomps his feet, waiting for Eskimo to get up.

 

JINGUS and Zack are brawling on the floor, Zack escapes a DewilBomb attempt, SCHOOL'S OUT to JINGUS! Zack tries to get into the ring but JINGUS summons his no-selling powers and quickly recovers to pull him off the apron and clothesline him down.

Eskimo staggers up...into-

 

The Fallen Angel.

 

1

 

2

 

3

 

The crowds groans quickly turn into boo's as Stephen Joseph celebrates. JINGUS grins and releases Zack from the bearhug he had trapped him in, getting into the ring and standing over Eskimo.

Zack grabs a chair and leaps into the ring, scattering the heels to the outside. JINGUS and Stephen Joseph leave, soaking up the abuse from the crowd as Zack checks on Eskimo.

 

JR: Bah gawd what a spectacle! We've got to go to commercial before I have a heart attack but first, our cameras caught up with one of our newest additions to INTENSEZONE, Drunken F-

 

Jesse: JR! You can't say that on TV!

 

Cut To:

::Drunken Fuck is sitting down in the middle of a room eating brownies::

 

So...

 

::munch::

 

...I'm back.

 

::munch::

 

I'm now in the 10-man battle royale, so now I'm the tenth man!

 

CAMERAMAN: You're the 11th man, you fucking idiot!

 

I'm a 10 pound pile of shit in a 5 pound bag! I'm 11 on a scale from 1 to 10! And 5 out of 4 doctors prefer me the best!

 

CAMERAMAN: It's 4 outta 5, you stupid shit!

 

And if there's anyone who wants to fuck with me...

 

::munch::

...they can go fuck me in the ass!

 

::cameraman laughs in disbelief::

 

WHOO!

 

Commercial

Edited May 4, 2003 by SpiderPoet

[Guest SP-1]

Earlier Today

 

*The camera opens up to a restaurant. We pan in and spot IZ's resident Icon, Sonic Youth seated with Janet and Lauren. They are seated in a red booth with a window looking out into the busy city. Cars and other trucks are roaring by as Sonic takes a sip of his coffee*

 

Sonic: How about that huh? We beat the shit out of Mr. Boricua and I get a North American Title shot.

 

*Janet, wearing a black t-shirt and blue jeans glances at Lauren as Lauren glances back while holding an ice pack to her mid-section from Evenflow's attack*

 

Lauren: Wish I were that lucky...

 

*Muttering under her breath, Janet cracks a smile as Sonic seems to not take notice. Sonic pulls out a note card with the names of his opponents on it written in rushed hand writing*

 

Sonic: Look at these guys...ShooterJay, Andrew Hyland, The Mad Cappa, The Blurricane, Vitamin X, a mystery entrant and...

 

*Sonic raises an eyebrow and smiles*

 

Sonic: Well, how about that. Puerto Rican Lightning's in it as well.

 

Lauren: Really? Wish it were Evenflow, the prick.

 

Janet: I'm still pissed over the fat ass elbowing me...can I interfere on your behalf?

 

*Sonic shrugs his shoulders*

 

Sonic: It's your call. No rules, no consequences baby.

 

*Janet cracks a devilish grin*

 

Sonic: I'm looking most forward to kicking Puerto Rican Lightning's ass all over that ring. We left Mr. Boricua a battered and bruised man who should've learned his lesson by now, don't mess with the Icon. As far as what happened later with Evenflow, let him focus on what he's going through right now. His time will come later on, of course if he furthers the issue then it looks like I'll have to end up getting my hands a little dirty.

 

*Lauren excuses herself and walks to the restroom as Janet stares then looks back at Sonic*

 

Janet: Feel free to carry on, I need something to help me fall asleep and right now, you're my best bet.

 

*Sonic gives Janet a look as Janet grins*

 

Sonic: You're just jealous I got more shots in on the fat boy then you did.

 

*Janet glares*

 

Janet: He was so mine and you stole the chance.

 

*Sonic shrugs his shoulders as if to say, not my fault*

 

Sonic: Couldn't help it. Look, don't worry over it alright. You'll get another chance soon enough. As far as I'm concerned, I need to concentrate more on the upcoming North American Title Battle Royal and whether Evenflow will decide to get himself involved.

 

Janet: You're an Icon remember...

 

*Janet laughs, gets up and walks towards the restroom as Lauren returns and sits down*

 

Lauren: Icon...never should've given that a thought.

 

Sonic: Please...you know it fits me great.

 

Lauren: Sure, when you aren't getting pinned or tapping out.

 

Sonic: Which rarely happens.

 

Lauren: Mmmhmm

 

*Lauren murmurs and cracks a sly smile. Sonic sneers at her and glances at his watch. He looks up and motions to Lauren that they need to head out. Lauren looks a bit surprised but gets up and heads to the woman's room to get Janet. Sonic signs the check and leaves a $5 tip for the waiter as Lauren comes back. Janet soon appears and tosses on a windbreaker as the trio head out, ready for the evening's encounters.*

 

Cut to JR and Jesse, while TRANS-MAGIC plays in the background of the darkened arena

 

JR: It looks like Sonic is certainly prepared for the North American Division's Battle Royal tonight.

Jesse: He's just acting cool and confident, Ross. For the ladies.

JR: Just because you have to put on an act doesn't mean everyone does.

Jesse: Me? An act? Ha! Somebody get me a beer . . .

JR: Speaking of putting on an act . . . K-Ness is headed to the ring right now, and word is, he's a little upset over some nasty allegations being made against our great sport!

 

K-NESS is in the ring, microphone in hand.

 

K-NESS : So, you guys heard the latest news?, it seems that professional wrestling is FAKE, yep, some people out there are saying that this great sport is STAGED, PRE-DETERMINED. How dare they say that we, the wrestlers, greatest athlethes on earth, would actually SIMULATE A FIGHT!, a theory which is, by the way, totally not approved by the International Organization of Undercarders. I will now prove them all wrong, so Ghey-NESS, get your ass out here!

 

The LOL’s music hits and Ghey-NESS comes out with a chainsaw in his hands and the crowd is DEAD, well, there’s his partner, BOB Squad, marking out like hell in the 30th row, but that doesn’t really count. K-NESS hiptosses the poor jobber and he looks like he’s having a seizure.

 

K-NESS : See?, a friggin’ hiptoss just killed my own evil communist Mexican half-clone, okay, so that wasn’t really convincing, so I guess I’ll just roll footage of me backdroping the shit out of ninja security guards last wee… no wait!, I think I have a better idea, YOU!, the fat red-headed 13-year old in the first row, get in the ring NOW!.

 

The Red-Headed struggles to climb on the apron, and gets in.

 

K-NESS : So, kid, wanna wrestle?

 

Fat kid : No problem, just let me check the script and let’s do it.

 

K-NESS : WHAT FUCKING SCRIPT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

 

K-NESS runs at the fat kid to an enormous pop, going for the western lariat, he’s about to hit him when…Lights out

 

Loud voice : Wrestling is FAAAAAAAAAKE

 

Screams are heard, and when the lights are back on, K-NESS is down, bleeding heavily, and Dave Meltzer is standing over him, laughing, holding a sickle.

 

Meltzer : Oh yes it is, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it, I’ve made a shitload of money for beleiving that it’s fake and making people beleive that it is and it ain’t going to stop because of YOU, goddamn son of a bitch. So next week, it’s going to be you and me in a No-DQ match in the IZ booking room!, if I win, you will have to tape a shoot interview and if you win… IZ will have to close down the booking room FOREVER and I will shut down the Newsletter.

 

Suddenly, K-NESS grabs Meltzer by the throat and grabs the microphone.

 

K-NESS : You’re on, BITCH!

 

JR : BAH GAWD, it’s K-NESS vs. Dave Meltzer, next week!

Jesse: Why do I have a feeling we're not goign to get high marks in the Torch anymore?

 

Commercial

 

Kevin Kelly: "Shooter" Jay Darring, last week you and you partner "Undisputed" Christian James were viciously attacked by three men who call themselves "The Chosen" of IntenseZone- the Trinity.

 

Jay: Two words Kelly- not impressed. Any bunch of idiots can jump a guy from behind or swarm somebody in the back with a bunch of weapons. All that's ever impressed me is whether or not someone can back up their crap in the ring, and guess what Trinity- when the spotlight's been on you lately- YOU HAVEN'T DELIVERED! SpiderPoet, you had your world title shot, and you BLEW IT. Pop-oh, I'm dreadfully story, Stephen Joseph, you tried to take your F13 title back at Living Anglelously, and you FAILED. Dandy, last singles match you had, you SUBMITTED. Undisputed and I are true prime time players, the Featured Attraction. Infernales, you just made yourselves marked men, and starting now, the clock is ticking until those tag straps are ripped from you and put around our waists.

 

Kelly: On to tonight, the Main Event, your first ever, you're part of the North American division's Showcase Battle Royal, a ton of pressure on you especially, as the number one contender, to deliver a match for the ages. Also, how will this affect your new partnership with Undisputed?

 

Jay: No effect at all, Kevin. It's always been understood that we each have our own separate agendas. We have a lot of respect for each other's abilities-that's why we teamed up- but in the ring, as opponents in the North American title hunt, it's business, every man for himself.

As for tonight, the Showcase Battle Royal, these matches are what I live for- the pressure, the competition, the high stakes. I'm in this business for one thing, to be the best, the greatest mainstream superstar the sport has ever seen. This isn't entertainment to me, this isn't a hobby of mine. This is my life. The Battle Royal tonight is yet another stepping stone to fulfilling my destiny as the North American champion and the flag-bearer of IntenseZone. And unlike others who make grandiose claims of "destiny," when I make a guarantee, it happens.

 

*Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland breaks into the frame and gets in Jay's face.*

 

Hyland: Heeeey Jay, don't be so confident.

 

*Hyland and Jay stare each other down*

 

Kelly: The North American showcase Battle Royal is YOUR MAIN EVENT, tonight on INTENSEZONE! Don't miss a minute!

Edited May 6, 2003 by Big Poppa Popick

[Guest SP-1]

(A young man dressed in a suit, tie, glasses, and a little fedora hat is seen walking the halls. The people backstage give him funny looks as he walks down the hall with an old camera around his neck and a notepad in his hand. The young man comes across The Mad Cappa getting a cup of coffee)

 

THE YOUNG MAN

Mad Cappa! Just the guy I wanted to see!

 

CAPPA

Umm...who are you?

 

THE YOUNG MAN

I'm Gary Holmes! Ace Reporter for the Daily Sun!

 

CAPPA

Is this some sort of joke?

 

GARY

This is no joke. I'm going around interviewing the contestants in tonight's Battle Royal and getting their views on fellow combatants. What's your opinion of The Blurricane?

 

CAPPA

The who? Oh yeah that guy who fell out of the tree!

 

GARY

What!? I didn't.......I mean he didn't fall. It looked to me like that cat pushed him!

 

CAPPA

The cat pushed him? (Cappa gives Gary a funny look)

 

GARY

What? My sister had a cat once that was mean! He had sharp pointy teeth (puts his hand in front of his mouth making a claw-like gesture to represent sharp pointy teeth) But anyways what do you think of Blurricane?

 

CAPPA

I like him. He may dress funny, but he gets the job done. He's what the OAOAST needs right now unlike that coward Puerto Rican Lightning!

 

GARY

PRL? He has nothing on The Blurricane! The Blurricane is the man with the plan, the man with the power, the man who chicks dig! Faster than a speeding luchadore! Able to leap tall Hosses in a single bound! And he most certainly does not have anything on you Cappa!

 

CAPPA

Yeah PRL has no super powers. The only thing super strong about that guy is his body odor.

 

GARY

Well thank you for your time Citizen Cappa! Could I get a picture before I leave?

 

CAPPA

Sure (Cappa poses and gives a thumbs up with a big smile)

 

(Gary walks down the hall some more and hears screaming)

 

GARY

Holy Smokes~! Someone needs help

 

(Gary runs into a broom closet and shuts the door. You can hear noises from inside that sound like someone bumping into things and saying "Ow!" Finally the door swings open and Blurricane stumbles out, notices the cameraman is still there and pokes his head back in the closet)

 

BLURRICANE

Thanks for the tip Gary! I'll go help them now! You just stay in there and relax!

 

(Blurricane gives the cameraman a hokey thumbs up and swooshes into action!! He comes to the room where the screaming came from. There he sees a woman standing over a man passed out on the floor)

 

BLURRICANE

What happened in here!?

 

WOMAN

He came into my dressing room and passed out! I think he's dead.

 

(Just then the man slowly wakes up and looks around the room)

 

BLURRICANE

Holy Jack Daniels~! That's Drunken Fuck!

 

DF

Wha? Who the hell are you? And why are you dressed like thah...ahhh.......errr.........are you some sort of circus clown?

 

BLURRICANE

I'm your friendly neighborhood Blurricane!

 

DF

Whoa...sounds good bartender sure I'll take a Blurricane on the rocks! (Passes out again)

 

(The woman and Blurricane shrug their shoulders as we get a hilarious freeze frame of the two standing there confused. Cue laugh track and fade out)

 

" Money, Power , Respect" by The Lox / Lil Kim hits as an angry Reject makes his way down to the ring::

 

"Alright, alright... let's have a serious disscussion"

 

" In case you haven't been noticed, my name is Reject. I am one of the most complete wrestlers you will find in The OAOAST today"

 

"But you know what, when I look down at my Waist, what's missing ? a Title. Hell, I was last cheated out of the X - Title by that Punk Ass Son - Of - A - Bitch, Mr. Zsasz...who ran on down to Smack...I mean HeldDown. What's the name of that second name Television Show ? HeldDown, right ? "

 

" Now! for some reason, " The Powers - That - Be" don't feel the need to grant me a Title shot... they let me wrestle no talent Jobbers in 5 minute matches.

I'm better than that! So you know what, as I look at tonight's card I notice that there is a Battle Royal for the OAOAST North American Championship"

 

" I am going to take the time to officially enter my name into the Battle Royal. After I eliminate my competition... I will be recognized as THE NEW OAOAST NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION"

 

JR: BAH GAWD, Reject has made his intentions tonight perfectly clear!

Jesse: This Battle Royal is shaping up to be huge! I need a drink!

 

Commercial

Edited May 6, 2003 by SpiderPoet

[Guest SP-1]

*The camera opens up to the backstage area as Lauren enters the picture, clad in a white tanktop and black jeans with her hair tied back in a ponytail looped through the back of a Boston Red Sox baseball cap. She pulls a Diet Coke from the vending machine when she feels a presence standing behind her. She whirls around to see Mr. Boricua, holding a bandage to his head and sneering at her. He grabs a strand of her hair but she pulls back as suddenly, Puerto Rican Lightning appears and knocks Lauren down hard with a spinning heel kick to the back of her head. Janet comes into the view and charges Mr. Boricua, tackling him to the ground. Sonic appears as Peurto Rican Lightning grabs Janet by the arm and pulls her up hard. Janet glares at Puerto Rican Lightning as Sonic walks up to Mr. Boricua, picks him up and locks him in a sleeper hold as he's gasping for air*

 

Sonic: Let her go.

 

*Puerto Rican Lightning looks at Janet and smiles, letting her go. Janet quickly walks to aid Lauren as Sonic releases Mr. Boricua and turns to help Lauren when Peurto Rican Lightning attacks Sonic, hitting a clothesline. Puerto Rican Lightning picks up Sonic and lays him out on the floor with the P.R. Nightmare as Janet gets up and leaps onto Peurto Rican Lightning's back, trying to choke him out. Puerto Rican Lightning flings her over his back and to the floor hard. Janet groans in pain as PRL lifts her up and delivers another P.R. Nightmare. Puerto Rican Lightning and Mr. Boricua look over the carnage they have caused and leave, laughing*

 

 

 

 

BREEEAK!

 

TEAR AWAY hits to signal the arrival of OAOAST Tag Champion SpiderPoet. The crowd boos in anticipation but . . . he never appears on stage.

 

JR: Well, it looks like a third of the Trinity just copped out of a match, Jesse!

Jesse: I don't believe it. I bet he's doing something truly spectacular somewhere.

 

The music dies out and the tron suddenly cuts to the backstage area. We hear shouts down the hall as the camera man is running to catch up with what's going on. He rounds a corner to see SpiderPoet SMASHING a twelve-pack of beer over Drunken Fuck's head!

 

JR: What the HELL?!

Jesse: HA! I told you Ross! I guess that's hittin' the sauce hard!

 

DF staggers back under the attack, and Poet keeps forcing him back with stiff punches. He knees Drunken in the gut and then runs him into the wall!

 

JR: This is -- wait . . . wait, I'm getting some news through my headset. DAMMIT! Comissioner Popick changed the match to a hardcore match! And under the Warzone rules, Poet can jump start it backstage! SONOFABITCHARGHAHAHSHGHGH!

Jesse: HA HA HA!

 

Poet makes his way over to Drunken, but Drunken nails a RIGHT HAND! AND ANOTHER! Poet is backpedaling, stunned! DF goes for another, but Poet blocks and lands a punch of his own! DF retaliates in kind! Poet! DF! BAH GAWD IT'S A BRAWL~! The two exchange punches evenly, going back and forth, steadily edging closer to the catering area. Finally, Poet dodges a punch, kicks Drunken in the gut, and grabs his hair, slamming his head down on the catering table! Poet tries again but DF elbows him in the ribs, grabs Poet's hair and slams HIS head on the table! On the way back up though, Poet has a hand full of HOT CHEESE, and he THROWS IT in DRUNKEN'S FACE!

 

JR: That dastardly BASTARD!

 

Drunken screams and staggers back, clawing the thick, hot cheese off of his face. Poet capitalizes by picking up a tray of appetizers and BLASTING Drunken with it! The old drunk bastard stumbles backwards from the blow but stays on his feet somehow. He comes charging at SP and tackles him to the floor, bar room brawl style, and tries to pound away at him. Poet takes a few choice shots, but manages to push Drunken away. DF scrambles to his feet and makes for a nearby hallway.

 

Poet goes to give chase, but just as he rounds the corner, a coffee mug comes flying at him and cracks him in the head. Poet is stunned and he falls flat on his arse. Suddenly, Drunken comes FLYING out of the hallway with . . . a BEER STEIN! He hauls back and -

 

THWACK!

 

Poet's eyes cross and he falls flat on his back. DF looks at the cracked stein, looks to Poet, and back at the Stein. He drops and makes the cover and a ref who has been on the sidelines slides in.

 

1

 

2

 

3!

 

DF pops up, apparently surprised at the win, and heartily drinks from his STEIN~! He jumps up and down before wandering off down the hall, drunkenly yelling, "WHOO~!" to everyone he passes.

 

[Fade to Commercial[/i]

[Guest SP-1]

*A set taking the form of a lounge, in it there is a black leather sofa, a expensive looking coffee table a portrait of G-Money and other very expensive looking items scattered throughout, the camera pans round and is brought to a halt on the facial features of the young handsome G-Money*

 

Good Evening to all of you in (Where ever event is) I’m here tonight to tell you a little about myself. As I make my debut next week, with my very own interview show The Money Shot.

 

I have made your country my home over the last few years. I’ve invested my already rather large amount of money on substantial amounts of stock in fast food companies. During the time I’ve been here, I’ve gone from being wealthy to being bloody minted, and I have the general American public’s obesity to thank for that.

 

As you can most likely tell, I originate from England, and I tell you now I have a strong distaste for you Americans. I have had to live with your crude and frankly disgusting people for 7 years while I have lived here working on the independent circuit before making enough of a name for myself to join the ranks of OAOAST. I have sat back and watched as your ignorant President turned our prime minister Tony Blair into your lap dog, and dragged my country into your petty war because you want to police the world. Any one else who might have nuclear capabilities you swoop in and destroy with out just provocation, but, might I add you are so hypocritical that you turn a blind eye to your own nation when it comes to war like hostility and nuclear armament.

 

Before I leave you I’d like to tell my goals for my stay here on Intense Zone, first I plan on capturing the North American Title, quite simply not because I want 10 pounds of gold around my waist, not because I want recognition, no no no my friends simply put I plan on selling it. I plan to sell on your precious title, and I already have a bidder. I believe a certain someone over namely anglesault over on Held Down wouldn’t mind acquiring another title belt for the show. My bank balance could really do with the boost that I’m being offered. So Andrew Hyland, or Jay Darring which ever one of you has that god forsaken title I’m coming for you, its only a matter of time.

 

*Fade to black*

 

JR

That's . . . certainly interesting. The NA Division just keeps getting more interesting! And now, fans, we’re going to show you a video package sent to us by Orion showing us where he’s been the past two weeks. Apparently, after his tainted victory over Big Poppa Popick at Living Angleously-

 

JESSE

Hey, JR, a win’s a win!

 

JR

..Well, anyway, he apparently went directly to Atlantic City to celebrate and to spend his first PPV bonus check.

 

JESSE

All right! I can’t wait to see this!

 

(The video begins with a shot of Orion walking down the famous Boardwalk of Atlantic City. Orion is dressed to the nines, wearing a black suit with red pinstripes and a Jason-mask-patterned tie and carrying his F13 Title belt in tow. It’s nighttime, but Orion’s wearing sunglasses anyway and is telling anyone passing by him who will listen (and those who won’t, too) just how great he is.

 

ORION

You see this belt? You see it? This PROVES that I am THE MAN in this business and that I am UNSTOPPABLE!

 

The camera follows Orion as he goes into the Trump Plaza casino and sits down at a blackjack table. Draping the F13 Title belt across his lap, he lays down $500.

 

BLACKJACK DEALER

I’m sorry, sir, but this is the $10 table only-

 

ORION

Shut up! I’m Orion, goddammit! I beat Big Poppa Popick last night! I can do whatever I want!

 

The dealer complies and Orion begins a game of blackjack. The video cuts to a little later on, as Orion is approached by hotel officials and is seen discussing something with them.

 

ORION

Let me see this “High Roller Suite” you’re talking about…

 

Orion is then shown flopping down on the luxurious bed of the famed High Roller Suite with an immaculate view of the Atlantic City skyline. Turning on the TV to watch IntenseZone, he immediately bursts into laughter upon seeing Reject make his way down to the ring.

 

ORION (to camera)

Now this guy’s definitely got some issues. I mean, just look at him! He’s got no talent, no physique-hell, even his theme music sucks! He definitely is a reject and I hope he gets his talentless ass fired soon!

 

A little later on that night, Orion is shown walking down a seedy street in the heart of the city talking to a rather promiscuous-looking woman. The scene is shot from a distance from what appears to be the inside of a parked car.

 

ORION

How much do you charge? Wait, it doesn’t matter…I’m Orion, I just beat Popick, I can do whatever I want…Come with me…what’s your name? Mona? All right.

 

Back at the hotel, Orion is standing with Mona inside the suite.

 

ORION

OK guys, now you’ve seen how a champ and a MAN like myself celebrates.

(laughing, to Mona)

And baby, you say you suck well-and often, but NOBODY sucks more than Reject, and that’s a fact. Good night, guys!

 

The video ends with the suite door closing right in front of the camera.)

 

Reject is shown in the locker room watching a monitor, looking none to pleased at Orion’s comments.

 

Cut to Commercial

 

The Following is Paid for by D-A-V-O-L-O-U-S.

 

Uh-oh Uh-oh here I am up in this piece. The D-A-V-O-L-O-U-S is here in the OAOAST. I know y'all don't know me but soon everyone will be spelling my name trying to butter me up like toast. I don't follow no rules so that means everyone needs to watch their backs. You'll see more of me in the coming weeks but for now just enjoy what you've just seen.

 

The Preceding was Paid for by D-A-V-O-L-O-U-S.

Edited May 6, 2003 by Big Poppa Popick

[Guest SP-1]

Jesse: Here we go JR!

 

JR: One of the biggest matches in IntenseZone history about to go down right now!

Ring Announcer: The following contest is a 10-man battle royal. A competitor is eliminated when both feet hit the floor. Introducing first...

 

*"Beautiful" by Sevendust fires up over the PA*

 

JR: I've never heard this music before...

 

Ring Announcer: At a total combined weight of 349 pounds, "Undisputed" Christian James, "Shooter" Jay Darring, they are FEATURED ATTRACTION!

 

JR: This crowd has erupted for Featured Attraction, coming out together for this battle royal in a display of team unity!

 

Jesse: What a load of garbage, it's every man for himself in these matches JR!

 

*Undisputed and Jay shake hands as they wait for the next entrant.*

 

*The lightning bolt hits, and Bulls on Parade is playing*

 

Jesse: That can only mean...

 

RA: From Tijuana Mexico, accompanied to the ring by Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Mr. Boricua, weighing in at 300 pounds, he is the OAOAST Puerto Rican champion, PUERTO...RICAN...LIGHTNING!

 

Jesse: It wouldn't be a main event without this guy!

 

*As PRL enters the ring with a sneer of contempt for his opponents, "Headstrong" by Trapt starts playing*

 

RA: From Las Vegas Nevada, weighing in a 212 pounds, he is the OAOAST F13 champion, ORION!

 

Jesse: What a roll call of champions in this match, the Puerto Rican champion, and now the F13 champion!

 

JR: Yeah, right.

 

*Segue into "Money, Power, Respect"*

 

RA: From New York City, weighing in at 225 pounds, REJECT!

 

JR: Now here's a real champion Jesse! Former North American champion, former X champion!

 

*New music blares over the PA. "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by Scorpions!*

RA: From Parts Unknown, weighing in at 191 pounds, THE BLURRICANE!

 

*crowd explodes in cheers*

 

JR: What a reception for the Blurricane! Can you believe his popularity without even stepping in the ring?

 

Jesse: But is it deserved, we'll find out tonight!

 

*More debut music- "Come Out and Play" by the Offspring*

 

RA: And from Boston, Mass, weighing in at 224 pounds, accompanied to the ring by Lauren and Janet, SONIC YOUTH!

 

*another megapop*

 

JR: And another tremendous reception for a newcomer, Sonic Youth

 

Jesse: They're probably popping for the bitches.

 

*Sonic's music is cut off by "Sober" by Tool*

 

RA: From Miami Florida, weighing in at 240 pounds, VITAMIN X

 

Jesse: Now I like this guy, classic pro wrestler, using psychological warfare to get inside his opponents' heads!

 

JR: Even EvenflowDDT called him an asshole, that's saying a lot!

 

*"Theme from 2001" hits, and the pyro shoots off to a loud reception*

 

RA: From Toronto Canada, weighing in at 235 pounds, he is the OAOAST North American champion, ANDREW, YOUR HERO, HYLAND!

 

JR: The champ's got a lot to prove tonight!

 

*Andrew enters the ring, coldly assessing the competition*

 

*"Let Me Clear My Throat" rocks the arena*

 

RA: And from-

 

Cappa doesn't wait, he hits the ring and dives straight at Puerto Rican Lightning!

JR: It's on now!

 

All 9 other combatants swarm the self-proclaimed champion, laying a beating on Puerto Rican Lightning, raining stiff punches and kicks down on him.

 

Jesse: THIS ISN'T FAIR!

 

JR: HELL YEAH! GET HIM GET HIM!

 

Cappa signals for the rest of the competitors to get off of PRL, he wants this for himself, BUST A CAP on PRL! PRL shoots straight up, dazed and loopy, and Cappa LAUNCHES PRL out of the ring!

 

(Puerto Rican Lightning eliminated by Mad Cappa, elimination #1)

 

Jesse: I can't believe this, PRL just got screwed! What did he do to deserve that?

 

JR: Everything! Heel, face, everybody hates that guy's guts!

 

PRL is throwing a tantrum on the outside, kicking the ring steps and slamming a steel chair against the pole, while Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez screams something in Spanish at the referee on the outside.

 

Meanwhile, back in the ring, everybody starts to pair off. Orion and Vitamin X team up and try to toss Jay, Jay is hanging upside down, they almost have him out...but Undisputed saves with well-placed kicks to both Orion and X's lower back.

 

JR: Featured Attraction once again watching each other's backs in this matchup.

 

Jesse: If I didn't know any better, I'd say Jay was using Undisputed to further his own career. He's gone on record as saying he's only out for himself!

 

JR: Would you stop! They teamed up in a mutual decision because they respect each other!

 

Jesse: Yeah, respect, right.

 

Vitamin X staggers back to the center of the ring, and bumps in Andrew Hyland. Hyland turns around and starts trading punches with X. Vitamin X ducks a clothesline, and hits a snap suplex on Hyland. X pops up and throws his arms out.

"Who's the man?"

 

Hyland pops back up, spins him around, Fisherman's buster!

"That'll teach you, punk!"

 

Cappa and Reject have Blurricane stuck in a corner, chopping away at the superhero. Reject gets pulled off by Orion, and they exchange punches in the center of the ring. Orion looks for Youthanasia early, but Reject slips out and hits a spinning heel kick.

 

JR: The action is coming at us too fast and furious to call.

 

"GATEMALA!" Cappa charges at Blurricane but eats boot, he staggered against the ropes holding his head, only to get blasted with a chairshot by Puerto Rican Lightning! Reject takes advantage and dumps Cappa out of the ring for the second elimination!

 

(Mad Cappa eliminated by Reject, elimination #2)

 

JR: WHERE IN THE HELL DID HE COME FROM?!

 

Jesse: I SAW HIM JR! He hid under the ring when Ms. Lindsay was yelling at the referee!

 

JR: DAMMIT!

 

Outside the ring, PRL continues to smash the chair over Cappa's head. Satisfied with his work, he slings Cappa over his shoulder and takes him to the back.

 

JR: Where is PRL taking the Cappa?

 

Jesse: Who cares? Call the match!

 

Blurricane and Orion are now squared off in the ring. Lockup, Blurricane whips Orion into the ropes, superkick, ducked! Orion drops down and hits a low blow! Blurricane collapses in agony!

 

Elsewhere, Vitamin X and Undisputed are hooking it up, X tries to whip UD into the turnbuckle, reversed, Vitamin X vaults over the ropes, blocks a punch from UD, springs back in, springs off the second rope, HITS THE X SPOT ON UNDISPUTED!

 

Jesse: What a move, see, that's why I love this guy.

 

Jay and Sonic Youth going at it now, Youth tries for the russian legsweep, Jay reverses into a Saito suplex. Jay gets up, but is clocked by a cheapshot clothesline from Vitamin X!

 

Jesse: Smart smart move by Vitamin X, take an advantage whenever you can.

 

Orion is stomping away on the Blurricane. He picks him up, Irish whip, tries for the Final Chapter, Blurricane lands on his feet. Boot to the gut, Youthanasia attempt, Blurricane escapes again! Wait, he's got him, BLUR EFFECT! The crowd EXPLODES!

 

JR: What a move!

 

Blurricane takes advantage and throws Orion out of the ring for the third elimination!

(Orion eliminated by Blurricane, elimination #3)

 

JR: Blurricane has just annihilated the F13 Champion with the Blur Effect!

 

Jesse: NO WAY!

 

Reject, Vitamin X and Sonic Youth are engaged in a three-way brawl, while Featured Attraction take a break, head to the outside and set up a table, as a bridge between the ring and the guardrails!

 

Jesse: What cowards Featured Attraction are! Quit dicking around and get in the ring!

 

JR: What plans do they have for that table?

 

Andrew Hyland is also sitting in the corner, watching the two newcomers trade fisticuffs with the former X and NA champ, observing their fighting styles. Reject flips out of a Vitamin X side suplex attempt, hammers on X's back and sets up for one of his own! Wait a second, Sonic whacks Reject in the back, and throws both of them over for a TRIPLE SIDE SUPLEX!

 

JR: What IMPACT! Wait a minute, who's heading to the ring?

 

Jesse: More like stumbling, it's the Drunken Fuck, and he's got a wine bottle with him!

 

JR: He's not supposed to be out here!

 

Drunken Fuck, stumbles into the ring, gets in Andrew Hyland's face. "WHAATTER YEW LOOKIN' AT?" He takes a swing at Hyland with the wine bottle, which shatters on the ring post, scattering the shards in the center of the ring! Hyland then tosses the Drunken Fuck out of the ring!

 

(Drunken Fuck "eliminated" by Andrew Hyland, unofficial elimination)

 

Jesse: Well, that's it for the Fuck.

 

JR: Wait a second, what's Drunken Fuck doing?

 

Drunken Fuck has spotted Lauren on the outside of the ring, and starts yelling at her! "WHATTER YEW DOING HERE MAUREEN! I TOLD YA NEVER TA COME BACK! THE FIRST TIME YA SLEPT WIT MY BRUDDAH WAS OK, BUT THE SECOND TIME WAS THE LAST STRAW, YA WHORE!"

 

Jesse: He thinks Lauren is his ex-girlfriend!

 

Drunken Fuck takes another wild swing at Lauren, she ducks, but the Fuck grabs her and hits a Piss Drunk into the guardrail on Lauren! Lauren lies on the ground, clutching her back in agony, as security guards lead the incoherent Drunken Fuck to the back!

 

JR: MY GAWD, I can't believe Drunken Fuck did that, Lauren could be seriously hurt!

 

Jesse: What do you expect from him, he's drunk!

 

Sonic Youth goes to attend to Lauren on the outside, and Vitamin X takes advantage and baseball slides him in the back of the head!

 

JR: That son of a bitch!

 

Vitamin X heads back into the ring, Where he meets up with Undisputed, and straight into a Championship Material!

 

JR: Way to go Undisputed, that bastard deserved it!

 

Sonic Youth recovers from the cheapshot, and heads into the ring and charges at Reject. Reject tries again for a clothesline, ducked. Sonic jumps up for a rana, blocked and turned into the PITCH BLACK!

 

No!- Jay cuts the move off with the STIFF~! Superkick! Sonic picks Reject up and hits the FLOWING DDT! He immediately tosses the prone Reject out of the ring.

 

(Reject eliminated by Sonic Youth, elimination #4)

 

JR: Sonic has been IMPRESSIVE so far. He just eliminated one of the most decorated men in OAOAST history!

 

Blurricane charges and nails Sonic with a flying forearm. Sonic gets up, but Blurricane presses his advantage and hits a floating neckbreaker. Sonic keeps getting up, but now Blurricane nails a Shining Black! Sonic is staggered! Blurricane heads to the top and signals for the Blurred Reality! But Blurricane overshoots the move and crotches himself on the top rope!

 

Jesse: Clumsy idiot.

 

Jay dropkicks Blurricane off the ropes to the floor, and Blurricane is eliminated!

 

(Blurricane eliminated by "Shooter" Jay Darring, elimination #5)

 

Undisputed knocks Jay down with a leg lariat, allowing Sonic to hit a Slingshot Springboard Moonsault! Sonic celebrates, but Vitamin X low blows him from behind and throws Sonic over the top for another elimination!

 

(Sonic Youth eliminated by Vitamin X, elimination #6)

Jesse: See, that's what showboating gets you.

 

Janet has climbed up on the apron and starts talking smack to Vitamin X. X grabs her roughly, pulls her close, and starts groping her!

 

Jesse: He's squeezing her firm, round, luscious ass, and caressing her soft, heaving, succelent bosoms!

 

JR: *throws his drinking water on Jesse* Oh get ahold of yourself, IZ IS NOT PORN!

 

Jesse: I was getting a hold of myself, until you threw water on me!

 

Andrew Hyland sees the sexual harassment, and throws X off of Janet! Kick to the stomach, he's got X up, HERO DRIVER!

 

JR: That's why he's your hero ladies and gentlemen!

 

Vitamin X gets tossed, right into the waiting arms of Sonic Youth! Youth goes nuts on him, crossfacing the shit out of X! He continues punching Vitamin X right in the face, as Janet and Lauren pound away at his back. X gets dragged to the back by the trio!

 

(Vitamin X eliminated by Andrew Hyland, elimination #7)

 

JR: So now it's down to three. Featured Attraction, and Andrew Hyland. Who's it gonna be?

 

Featured Attraction immediately go to work on Hyland, with a double kick to the stomach, they run off the ropes and slam Hyland down with a double bulldog.

 

Jesse: More illegal doubleteaming by Featured Attraction!

 

JR: It's a battle royal, nothing's illegal!

 

Featured Attraction pick Hyland up, another Irish whip, FA try for a double clothesline, ducked. Hyland heads to the apron, springboard dropkick to both men!

 

JR: Nice move by Andrew Hyland.

 

Hyland picks up Undisputed, looking for those rolling dragon suplexes. He hits one! Goes for the second, Jay clubs him with a roaring elbow as Hyland takes UD over! UD is down, Hyland gets to his feet, German suplex by Jay, no! Hyland lands on his feet. Runs the ropes, now UD is up and hits a basement dropkick to Hyland's knee!

 

JR: What a series of hard-hitting, spectacular moves by these three men!

 

Featured Attraction have him up for the BREAKOUT BOMB! NO! Hyland slips out, runs the ropes, tries for a double clothesline, ducked by both me. Jay gets him with a stungun! BREAKOUT BOMB! THEY'VE GOT HIM THIS TIME! RUNNING BREAKOUT BOMB THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE!

 

(Andrew Hyland eliminated by Featured Attraction, elimination #8)

 

JR: Hyland is out, and his career may be over!

 

Jesse: It's the battle of Featured Attraction now.

 

Undisputed and Jay stare at each other, and clap hands for the fans to rally behind them. The crowd is clapping and stomping loudly and in unison, the building is deafening!

Jay blocks a punch, Undisputed tries for a clothesline instead. Jay ducks, gets behind him for a side suplex, UD slips out and lands on his feet, throws him into the turnbuckle and charges. Jay goes up and over, headscissor takedown- Undisputed cartwheels out and lands on his feet!

Featured Attraction high-five each other out of respect.

 

JR: These two know each other so well!

 

Back to the lockup, Jay with the go-behind, tries for the AFTERTHOUGHT, reversed into the CHAMPIONSHIP MATERIAL-BLOCKED! Jay shows Undisputed into the ropes, Undisputed ducks a clothesline, whips Jay into the ropes.

 

-Which are pulled down by Andrew Hyland! Jay hits the floor with a thud and is eliminated!

 

("Shooter" Jay Darring eliminated by Andrew Hyland, REAL elimination #8)

 

JR: HOW THE HELL CAN ANDREW HYLAND DO THAT, HE'S BEEN ELIMINATED!

 

Jesse: NO HE HASN'T JR- CHECK THE REPLAY. When Hyland went through the table, his feet were up in the air and only touched the upright table. He managed to pull himself up with one foot! He's still in this match!

 

Hyland slowly crawls back in the ring to meet Undisputed.

 

Jesse: Here's where he proves how great a North American champion he is!

 

Undisputed pounds away at Hyland, who's on all fours. Hyland has the fortitude to get a double-leg takedown and ground-pound Undisputed in the mount position.

 

JR: This ain't ballet folks! This is gonna be a fight!

 

Undisputed kicks Hyland off, and both men are on their feet. They're trading slaps and chops, the crowd "WHOOing" louder with each one. UD take a page out of Jay's book and hits a roaring elbow, followed by a boot to the gut, has him up for a brainbuster, no! Reversed into ANOTHER DRAGON SUPLEX, RIGHT ON THE SHARDS OF GLASS LEFT BY DRUNKEN FUCK!

JR: What brutality! Undisputed's head is lacerated!

 

Hyland hits his own brainbuster on the glass, cutting UD open ever more!

 

JR: STOP THE MATCH, THIS IS TOO MUCH!

 

Jesse: Are you kidding, this is great!

 

Andrew Hyland signalling for the HeroSault! He heads up to the top. HeroSault MISSES. Hyland lands stomach-first on the broken glass!

 

JR: MY GAWD, MY GAWD THIS IS SICKENING!

 

Undisputed pulls himself up, whips him in looks for the tilt-a-whirl slam, Hyland lands on his feet again, runs the ropes, ducks a clothesline, rebounds off, AND UNDISPUTED THROWS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!

 

HYLAND IS TRYING TO SKIN THE CAT BACK IN!

 

SPEAR BY UNDISPUTED! HYLAND HAS BEEN KNOCKED HARD TO THE FLOOR BY THE IMPACT! HYLAND IS ELIMINATED! UNDISPUTED WINS!

 

JR: MY GAWD WHAT AN UPSET, WHAT A DESPERATION MOVE! CHRISTIAN JAMES HAS WON THE MATCH IN ONE OF THE GUTSIEST DISPLAYS I HAVE SEEN IN MY ENTIRE CAREER HE JUST PROVED TO THE WORLD HE REALLY IS A FEATURED ATTRACTION!

 

Undisputed collapses in the ring as the announcement goes over the PA.

 

Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, UNDISPUTED CHRISTIAN JAMES!

 

"Red" by Treble Charger plays, and the ref raises the prone Undisputed's hand. Though he's not moving, when the camera zooms in you can see the smile on his face as he hears the music.

 

JR: Wait a second, Jay is heading back on the ring.

 

Jesse: See, he's jealous, he can't handle his tag partner stealing the spotlight!

 

Jay roughly jerks Undisputed to his feet by the arm the referee is raising, and grabs him by the shoulders!

 

Jesse: See, I told you, it's on now!

 

Jay glares at the bloody and battered Undisputed, then offers an outstretched hand. The two men shake hands, hug, and Jay raises Undisputed's arm and points to his tag team partner, acknowledging him as the man tonight. "Red" continues to play, although it's hard to hear because the reception for this display of sportsmanship is too loud.

 

Jesse: I bet having to do that is killing Jay on the inside.

 

JR: Can't you ever enjoy anything for what it is? Featured Attraction are stronger than ever, and the Trinity better watch out!

 

And then, the lights go out

 

JR: What is this?

 

Jesse: Can't be good!

 

The crowd hums with excitement, lightbulbs picking up movement towards the ring. ShooterJay and Undisputed are looking around, but cannot see anything in the darkness surrounding them...We hear a thud of a body hitting the ring floor, and a ring bell sounding as it thuds off something, or someone's skull

 

The lights come back on, and its Undisputed who's lying outside the ring, his forehead bleeding from a crown of thorns and discarded evidence of a bell shot lying nearby. ShooterJay stand in the ring, looking at SpiderPoet and El Dandy, seething with rage. Dandy attacks! but Shooter ducks and cartwheels, hitting a spinning elbow on a stunned SpiderPoet. Dandy twirls Shooter Jay around, but he's met a counter into an AfterThought! Shooter looks please, spouting trash, but from behind comes the dark man himself, Stephen Joseph. Shooter turns around into a FIREBALL!, blinding, burning, and searing into Jay's face...

 

JR: That Bastard!

 

Jesse: Oh that's just a taste of the burning Jay is in for next Monday!

 

JR: Joseph better watch out!!!

 

Undisputed, blood and all, rolls back into the ring and lunges at Stephen Joseph, who bails out of the ring, content to walk back up the ramp talking trash, with Undisputed, head bleeding bending down to help up a crawling Jay Doring, a Jay Doring with a death-stare on the self-proclaimed "Saviour of the OaOasT"

 

JR: What a way to end the show...We can't imagine what Jay is going to do next week...

 

Jesse: Whatever it is, I bet the Trinity has a plan against it!

 

JR: This has been quite a night. Until next Monday, I'm Jim Ross

 

Jesse: And I'm Jesse Ventura...Goodnight!

[Guest SP-1]

© OAOAST 2003

 

Props to everybody who did something.