Book the worst possible ppv!

[Guest Shaved Bear]

dont forget: the all-celebrity battle royal

[Guest dreamer420]

There should be a Dino Bravo match too.

[Guest J*ingus]

Warning, some of these are pretty nasty...

 

 

WCW World Title Match

Vince Russo vs. David Arquette

 

Ladder Match

Big Show vs. Kevin Nash

 

Hundred-Foot Scaffold Over Flaming Poisoned Spikes Match

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

 

Winner Gets A 10-Album Record Deal

Road Dogg vs. PN News

 

Loser Gets Eaten By Winner, Bodyslam Challenge

Eddie Guerrero vs. Mabel

 

WWF Women's Title Match

Fabulous Moolah vs. Harvey Whippleman

 

1st Man To Murder A Fan Wins

Scott Steiner vs. New Jack

 

Submissions Match

El Gigante vs. Brutus Beefcake

 

Superkick Challenge Handicap Match, Vince McMahon Is Special Ref, Held In The Rafters Of Kemper Arena

Bret Hart vs. Goldberg & Shawn Michaels

 

Anabol On A Pole Match

Ultimate Warrior vs. Brakkus

 

Loser Receives A Tracheotomy

Paul E. Heyman vs. James E. Cornette

 

Legends' Match

Bruiser Brody's corpse vs. Eddie Gilbert's corpse

 

WCW Tag Title Match

Rick Steiner & Judy Bagwell vs. American Males

 

One Hour Iron Woman Match, Loser Gets Fucked In-Ring By Vince

Stephanie McMahon vs. Linda McMahon

[Guest]

Bodyslam Match

Yokozuna vs. Loch Ness

 

Hell in Cell

Big Bossman vs. Billy vs. Chuck vs. Rico vs. Adrain Adonis vs. Lenny vs. Lody vs. The Yeti vs. Goldust vs. Pat Patterson vs. Leapin lanny Poffo vs. Rikishi.

 

Hulk Hogan vs Invaders from another planet.

Hogan is beaten then Hulks uo and defeats every single invader in a matter of two seconds.

 

Another Ed Leslie battle royale

Our old friend Mr. Leslie invents new gimmicks just for this match.

[Guest razazteca]

Winner get to be announcer

Dusty vs Ultimate Warrior

 

Projectile vomit match

Bossman vs Droz

 

Mask for Mask

Aldo Montoya vs Sultan

 

Hair matchguest ref Sy Sterling

Hogan vs John Tenta

 

WWF tag title

Men on Mission vs Tugboat & Earthquake

 

Disiel Gimmick

Nash vs Kane vs Test

 

WWF lightweight

Gillberg vs X Pac

 

War Games

Dugeoun of Doom vs 1st Family

 

TLC

Head Hunters vs Viscera & Abdullah the Butcher

 

call it down the middle

Bill Alphonso vs Teddy Long

[Guest Shaved Bear]

Winner Gets A 10-Album Record Deal

Road Dogg vs. PN News

 

LOL

[Guest]

Who can scare more kids?  All participants get hauled off to the nearest nuthouse regardless of who wins.

Zeus vs. Ultimate Warrior vs. Brother Love vs. Sid vs. Mideon

 

Hulk Hogan takes on the only opponents that have beaten him on every occassion Age & Rage (Grim Reaper & Male Pattern Baldness).  Will Hulking up save him now, NO!  It never has.

 

Bucket of chicken Ladder Match

Paul Bearer vs. Bastion Booger vs. Yokozuna

 

Bar Room Brawl/ Beer Drinking Contest

Jake the Snake vs. Steve Austin vs. Bradshaw vs. Scott Hall vs. Farooq

 

Kevin Nash challenges anyone in the back to be even more lazier than him.

 

Ed Leslie Lumberjack match.

 

Scaffold Match

Vader vs. Yokozuna vs. Loch Ness Monster vs. Shockmaster vs. Viscera vs. Avalanche vs. King Kong Bundy vs. Sapphire

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Let me try my hand at this...

 

WWF African Title (*cough* Racist Gimmick) Match:

Akeem, the American Dream © v. Saba Simba

 

Akeem retains via interference from Slick.  Nation of Domination squashes both after competition, setting up (cringes) a tag match at next PPV.

 

60-Minute Triple Threat Iron Man Match:

The Ultimate Warrior v. HHH v. Hogan

 

In the tradition of his squash from The Ultimate Warrior in '96 (I think?) and his upcoming squash from Hogan, Hogan and The Ultimate Warrior tie with 10 pinfalls each.  HHH has sold 10 spear/gorilla press/splash and 10 HOGAN LEGDROPS~!, and will be made fun of even more by The Smarks.

 

See the thrills of Hogan v. Ultimate Warrior III next PPV!

 

Saddest Costume Gimmicks vs. Saddest Tag Team:

The Giant Gonzalez & The Gobbledygooker vs. The Ding Dongs

 

Both teams come out, both get boo'ed, both had back to the locker room.  No match.  Hector Guererro cries the rest of the night backstage.

 

Six-Pack, No Sale

Underfaker, Fake Diesel, Fake Razor vs. Undertaker, Kevin Nash, and Scott Hall

 

JR tries to convince the crowd that Diesel and Kevin Nash were actually not the same person, and that "Fake Diesel" is Diesel, returning after a long absence.  Same for Fake Razor/Scott Hall.  None of the men sells for 8 minutes, after which Syxx runs in for the nWo finish on the wrong team and Fake Diesel gets the pin.  To further confuse everyone, Kevin Nash, in his shame, puts on a Kane mask and leaves the arena.

 

Celebrity Death Match (cage match):

Mr. T vs. David Arquette vs. Jay Leno vs. Drew Carey

 

Once Carey comes into the cage, the sound of every person simultaneously leaving their seat is heard.  Bathrooms become flooded and souvenir & snack stand employees are driven insane.

 

Luck o' the Irish: Four-Leaf Clover on a Pole Match:

"Leprechaun" Erin O'Grady v. Ken Shamrock

 

Ken Shamrock wins because the pole, having been made by an ex-WCW production team, is too tall for the wee Leprechaun to reach.  Jerry Lawler makes many unfunny potato famine jokes throughout, and post-match, the two beat down Lawler.  "Stone Cold" Steve Austin makes the save, setting up an impromptu main event (!)...

 

Drinking Contest for the WWF Title:

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin © v. Ken Shamrock

 

Clutching his newly nabbed four-leaf clover tight, Shamrock appears to be the winner.  Suddenly, Nikolai Volkoff's music hits, as he hits the ring, downs the rest of the "Steveweisers" and three Smirnoffs, grabs the title, and, falling down twice along the way, exits the ring and the arena.

[Guest]

Gimmick eliminations:

John Tenta vs. Ray Traylor vs. Ed Leslie

When one man is pinned he has to the count of 10 to switch to a gimmick that wasn't eliminated.

[Guest razazteca]

Announcers: Big Guido & 3D from ICP StrangleMania

 

Vince McMahon vs Eric Bischolf vs OKAHOMA guest ref Jim Ross

 

Stephanie McMahon vs Woman

 

Conquestadores vs The Doinks

 

Jake Roberts vs Scott Hall in a Open Bar match at the Friendly Tap in Providence.

 

Barry Darsow vs Ed Leslie in a Gimmick Iron Man match.  After every pinfall they must change gimmick until they run out of gimmicks.

[Guest goodhelmet]

Giant Gonzales vs. Viscera best of 7 series with seven different gimmicks

1. Normal Match

2. Submissions

3. Cage

4. Electrified Barb-wire

5. talent on a pole match

6. lumberjack (who could get them back in the ring? )

7. Last man standing

[Guest The Man They Call Texas Blu]

Battle Royal of the Big Men on a Scaffold.

Viscera, Bastion Booger, Yokozuna, King Kong Bundy, Earthquake, Giant Gonzales, the Yeti, PN News, Giant Silva, Kurgan, The Shockmaster, Kronik, Akeem, The Big Bossman, Bam Bam Bigelow, Kamala, and Gilberg.

 

6 Man Tag Match, Winners get an all expence stay at the retirement home of their choice.

Mae Young, Moolah, and Freddie Blassie vs. Pat Patterson, Gerald Brisco, and Dory Funk

 

A "What the hell where these guys thinking when they booked their last PPV" Match

Rob Black vs. Vince Russo

[Guest Your Olympic Hero]

Someone suggested these matches...

 

Kane vs Undertaker

Hulk Hogan vs Ultimate Warrior

Kevin Nash vs Sid Vicious

Earthquake vs Tugboat

 

The sad thing is, I've seen them all more than once...

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

For a successful PPV, you need gimmicks, overbooking, and, of course, poor matches. I will now assemble such a card:

 

A "Hogan Interrupts Every 5 Minutes" Ironman Match:

Chris Benoit vs Kurt Angle. Hulk Hogan is at ringside and inteferes every 5 minutes, destroying the pacing and removing any element of psychology in the match.

 

A "Dude, The Colors Are So Funky" Match:

RVD vs X-Pac. First to pass out or put down the pipe loses.

 

Paddle On A Pole Tagteam Speedo Match:

The Hardy Boyz vs Billy & Chuck vs Mick Foley & The Big Show vs Maven & Tazz

 

An "Earning Your Wages" Match:

Kevin Nash vs Mark Henry. First man to actually DO anything loses.

 

Gauntlet Match:

Undertaker & Kane destroy 30 cruisers.

 

Main Event Dance-off:

The Gobbeldy Gooker vs Pat Patterson

[Guest]

Guitar on a pole/ Honky Tonk Man rip-off match

Greg Valentine vs. Jeff Jerrett

[Guest caboose]

I'll base mine on matches that have really taken place.

I won't use the same wrestler(Unless in a rumble) or belt twice.

 

Kronic Vs. Taker & Kane - Tag Titles

Goldust Vs. Roaddogg Vs. Shamrock Vs. val Venis - IC Title

Patterson Vs. Brisco - Evening Gown -  Hardcore Title

Sting Vs. Vampiro - Graveyard Match

Big Show Vs, Bossman - WWF World Title

Arquette Vs. Jarrett Vs. DDP - Triple Cage - WCW Title

Royal Rumble 1999

Billy Gunn Vs. The Rock - Kiss My Ass Match

Chyna Vs. Ivory - Womens Title

[Guest]

Battle of the Sea Monsters:

Loch Ness vs. The Shark vs. Tugboat

Special Guest refs:  Characters from the book "Moby Dick," losers get harpooned and put out of OUR misery.

 

 

Championship Wrestlecrap

[Guest]

Wrestlecrapia:  Chumpion's Carnival

 

Big Boss Man

The Godfather

Viscera

Psycho Sid

Kevin Nash

Kurrgan

Chyna

Rikishi

 

Round Robin, 3pts for win, 2pts for co/dq win, 1pt for draw.  Best two point totals from face each other in the finals, a two out of three falls contest.

 

That's right: you're guaranteed to see SEVEN matches from each of these combatants!  SMELL THE BUYRATE~!

[Guest]

Rap is Crap:

 

Insane Clown Posse vs. The Rappers from the Nation vs. Akkem & P.N. News

[Guest]

Scott Steiner vs.  HHH in a who can take more roids without exploding match.

 

Ministry Undertaker vs. D'Von's Bodyguard

 

Brock Lesnar vs. All past WCW, and WWF monsters

[Guest Anglesault]

Test vs. Kane in the epic battle of the big boot. Hey, that match sounds familiar...

[Guest]

1.6TeamTournament:WinnerGetsARecordContract:

3CountVs.TheRappersFromN.O.D

TheWestTexasRednecksVs.TheNoLimitSoliders

JesseJamesAndJeffJarrett(DuringTheirCountryMusicDays)Vs.

InsaneClownPosse.

 

2.GiantGonzalesVs.TheYetiVs.LochNess.

 

3.GimmickMatch:

EdLeslieVs.JohnTentaVs.RayTraylorVs.CharlesWright.

 

4.TheHurricaneVs.Mr.J.L

 

5.MaxMiniVs.TheBigShow

 

6.NoHoldsBarredMatch:

HulkHoganVs.ZEUSSSSS.

 

7.BillyAndChuckVs."PrettyWonderful"PaulOrndorffAndPaulRoma.

SpecialGuestReferees:"TheModel"RickMartelAndKwee-Wee

 

9.Dance-Off

AlexWrightVs.TheBlueMeanie

 

10.BattleOfTheBigMen:

SpikeDudleyVs.GillbergVs.CrashHolly

 

11.SixPackChallenge:

ScottHallVs.JakeRoberts

 

AndFinally......

 

12.FailedAsWorldChampionMatch:

TheBigShowVs.DavidArquetteVs.RonSimmons

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

*ba-da-BUMP!!*

 

The Hardys v. Rosie and Jamal in a Tuxedo Match

 

Kamala v. Albert with Jamie Noble as the guest ref. Winner gets to hump Nidia in the ring.

 

Eric Bischoff v. The Undertaker, Black Hair Dye on a pole match.

 

Edge v. Test. 2 out of three falls. Fall 1: First person to hit a Spear or a Big Boot wins. Fall 2: Hair contest. Fall 3: Joke-telling contest.

 

Chris Jericho v. Kurt Angle. HHH must interfere every three minutes, pedigree both men and bury them. The only way to win is to find a pair of Linda McMahons panties, strip down, put on the panties and come to the ring with them on.

 

Rikishi v. Mae Young. Bra and Panties match. First person to give their opponent a stinkface wins.

 

Legends match: Iron Sheik v. Superstar Graham in an 'exploding ring' match.

 

Rob Van Dam v. Kurrgan. Iron Claw Challenge.

 

Rey Misterio Jr (dressed in a manatee outfit) v. Rico (dressed in a panda outfit) in a match where you cannot use any other move but a low blow.

 

Kane v. Billy Gunn. Reverse Inferno/Semen match. You have to set yourself on fire to win, if you lose, you have to drink down Pat Patterson's sperm.

 

Bradshaw v. Norman Smiley. First person to engage in Anal Sex with the other person wins.

 

One Man Gang v. Bam Bam Bigelow. Mud Wrestling match.

 

Roddy Piper v. Jimmy Snuka in a 'lucha libre, crackpipe on a pole match', first person to execute a lucha libre move or get the crackpipe wins the match.

 

and the main event:

 

HHH v. Shawn Michaels. Banana on a pole match. First person to take the banana from the pole, unpeel it and eat it, wins the match.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Cheatum the Evil Midget on a pole match:

Colonel Parker vs. Jake Roberts

-Cheatum's two former employers battle for his soul. First person to get him down from the pole can use him as a club on the other guy.

 

Shapeless Object tag match:

The Russian Assassins vs. the Highway Patrol

-winners must knock out the other guys with a foreign object that has no defined identity or shape

 

Pop the Breast Implant match:

Chyna vs. Madusa

-winner must crush the breast implants of the other one

 

Stall-a-thon Iron Man Match:

Jerry Lawler vs. the Honky Tonk Man

fewest moves done in an hour wins

 

Nepotism match:

Erik Watts vs. Greg Gagne

must win by dropkick

 

Iron Mike Sharpe is Your Jesus match:

Barry Horowitz vs. Tim Horner

loser must bow down and accept Iron Mike Sharpe as their personal lord and savior

 

Spinaroonie off:

PN News vs. Mabel

to be judged by Oscar, Jimmy Graffiti and Mike McGuirk

 

Gobeldy Gooker Battle Royale

20 random indy workers have a battle royale, but they're all dressed like the Gobbeldy Gooker.

 

Unification of All Titles Everywhere Match:

The Gambler vs. Dusty Wolfe

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Gobeldy Gooker Battle Royale

20 random indy workers have a battle royale, but they're all dressed like the Gobbeldy Gooker.

Best Battle Royale ever? Only time will tell...

[Guest J*ingus]

I still say mine was the nastiest. (Except for Caboose's, he had the advantage of being based on a true story.)

[Guest midnight_burn]

WWE Undisputed Title Match:

Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar~!

 

HHH defeating RVD.

 

Edge defeating Chris Benoit.

 

Kane vs Test 2~!

 

Rikishi defeating Eddie Guerrero.

 

Kurt Angle involved in a pointless match against John Cena or something, a match he'll probably lose.

 

Jericho losing to Jeff Hardy or something like that.

 

This great event will be called WWE Unforgiven 2002.

[Guest deadbeater]

Stacy defeats Molly with the same bulldog 'move' Trish did to Jackie.

 

Hulk defeats Benoit with the fingerpoke OF DOOM.

 

The-Un-Americans retain the title--despite the facts they did no moves on Kane and Booker. HHH an Undertaker did ALL the work for them.

 

HHH defeats Lesnar in a Roid Rage match. They both flexed until Lesnar ruptured all of his veins at once.

 

Mabel defeats RVD when RVD's foot got stuck in Mabel's midsection and he couldn't take it out.

[DangerousDamon 0]

Or a Respect On A 6'10" Pole Match...

Chris Benoit v. Tajiri v. Dean Malendo v. Eddie Guerrero....v. Kevin Nash.  Winner gets a title push.

nash would be getting the shit kicked out of him.

[Guest JMA]

Rush Limbaugh on a Pole match:

The Ultimate Warrior vs. Zeus

 

Nathan Jones vs. Outback Jack

 

Hair vs. Hair match:

Ed Leslie vs. Kevin Sullivan

 

Buck Naked match:

Missy Hyatt vs. Tammy Sytch

 

Mask vs. Mask:

The Shockmaster vs. The Black Scorpion

 

Kamala vs. Kim Chee

 

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. New Jack

 

Good Housekeeping match:

Sean Waltman vs. Joanie Laurer