Cat bathing instructions.....

[Guest eiker_ir]

Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed.

That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this

popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that

resembles Tide (with or without bleach).

 

Cats, like their nemesis, the dog .... do get dirty and have a

variety of odors... from smelling like the outhouse where you camped

last year to the same odor as your dog's breath. (Remember... your

dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats HATE water.

And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a

bath is out of the question.

 

So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this

is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of

Kibbles and Bits.

 

Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total

lack of concern for you .... you have the advantage of size,

strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.

 

1. First .... dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is

suggested, along with a helmet, face mask and welders gloves.

 

2. A Bathtub with a glass enclosure is preferred to the one with a

shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of these in about 3.5

seconds.

 

3. Have the Kitty Bubbles and towel in the enclosed bathtub area

before hand. No ... blow drying the cat after the bath is not

suggested.

 

4. Draw the water, making it a little warmer than needed as you still

need to find the cat. Position everything strategically in the

shower, so you can reach it even if you are face down or prone in the

tub.

 

5. Find your cat. Use the element of surprise. Pick the cat up,

nonchalantly as if you were simply carrying him/her to the supper

dish. No need to worry about the cat noticing your strange attire...

the cat barely notices you anyway.

 

6. Once you and the cat are inside the bathroom .... speed is

essential. In one single liquid motion .shut the door to the

bathroom, step into the shower, close the sliding doors, and drop the

cat into the water. While the cat is still in a state of shock,

locate the Kitty Bubbles and squirt whatever part of him is above the

water line. You have just begun the wildest 45 seconds of your life.

Remember that cats have no handles and add the fact that he now has

soapy fur. His state of shock has worn off and he's madder than a wet

hornet.

 

7. As best, you can, wearing welder's gloves, try to field his body

as he catapults through the air toward the ceiling. If possible, give

another squirt of Kitty Bubbles with his body now fully exposed.

 

8. During the 5 seconds you are able to hold onto him, rub

vigorously. No need to worry about rinsing. As he slide down the

glass enclosure into the tub, he will fall back into the water,

rinsing himself in the process.

 

9. Only attempt the lather and rinse process about 3 times. The cat

will realize the lack of traction on the glass by then and will use

the next attempt on the first available part of you.

 

10. Next, the cat must be dried. No...this is NOT the easiest part.

By this stage, you are worn out and the cat has just become

semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. We suggest here that you

drain the tub and in full view of your cat . reach for the bottle of

Kitty Bubbles.

 

11. If you have done step 10 correctly, the cat will be off your leg

and hanging precariously from your helmet. Although this view of the

cat is most disgusting, he will be in a much better position for

wrapping the towel around him.

 

12. Be sure cat is firmly wrapped in towel before opening tub

enclosure. Open bathroom door .... put towel wrapped cat on floor and

step back quickly. Into tub, if possible, and do not open enclosure

until all you can see is the shredded towel.

 

13. In about 2 hours .... it will be safe to exit the bathroom. Your

cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking like a small hedgehog

while plotting revenge.

[Guest eiker_ir]

a funny related clip

 

http://home.bham.rr.com/sloppygoat/cat.wmv

[Guest CanadianChris]

What kind of sick kitty snuff film was that????

[Guest Flyboy]

Nothing I like more than a wet pussy.

[Guest MrRant]

Nothing I like more than a wet pussy.

You don't even know what it's like.

[Guest Flyboy]

Nothing I like more than a wet pussy.

You don't even know what it's like.

That's what you think.

[Guest Memphis]

Nothing I like more than a wet pussy.

Well you knew that was coming.

 

M

[Guest Smell the ratings!!!]

I just put my cat in a pillowcase and filled it with water. Well, not all the way, because than I'd have a dead cat in a sack.

 

No, seriously, thats what I did.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Does anyone want to kow what I think?

[Guest HBK16]

When it comes to bathing my cat, she has no problem with it. I just hold on to her and she is totally cool with it. My dog on the other hand is a pussy when it comes to baths.

[Guest J*ingus]

Your cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking like a small hedgehog while plotting revenge.

True... so true.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

a funny related clip

 

http://home.bham.rr.com/sloppygoat/cat.wmv

That gives me an idea.

[Guest Smell the ratings!!!]

i just watched the clip and practically peed my pants by the way

[Guest eiker_ir]

i just watched the clip and practically peed my pants by the way

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

I love kitties, but sometimes Darwinism must take place.

 

When we have to give our three baths, I hold them down and the better half shampoos them. JJ just cries while Dessa and Shadow put up more of a fight. I feel like Steve Irwin (sp?) when dealing with Shadow -- I always get scratched up...

[Guest hardyz1]

Crikey...

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Just turn the hose on the fuckers.