Guest Crowe Report post Posted May 5, 2003 #1 CONTENDERSHIP - SJL TELEVISION TITLE TABLES MATCH David Blazenwing vs. Syndicate ~ ..... 1000 words? There's probably a reason for this, but goddamn, it really doesn't take THAT much time to write a 3500 word match. Comments on the match, apart from the obvious... "Syndicate starts setting up his table when David nails a sickening spear from out of nowhere, driving Syndicate into a turnbuckle and knocking his table out of the ring." One word... Zuh? Please explain how that works. There are many problems with the writing in this match, you should look how you structure your sentences... example. "He runs towards Syndicate in the corner and he dives out of the way and rolls onto the floor at the last second, leaving David to run face first into the turnbuckle and fall to the mat." It just doesn't read well. I'd write something like... "Syndicate is dazed in the corner... and Blazenwing charges! Nooo! Syndicate dives out of the way at the last minute, just barely avoiding the splash and causing David to run face first into the turnbuckle! Etc etc..." Just keep at it, man. Continue writing! The more you write, the better you'll get. SJL TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP Charlie "Grappler" Matthews © vs. Leo Breslin ”Meanwhile, James Matheson tries to shut the fans up, threatening one obese lady in the front row, to no avail. Axis: Say, isn't that one of Tom Flesher's old flames?” ... ahah... ...ahahaha... ...BAHAHAHAHA... I’m liking this guy more and more with every match. Another impressive showing from the Grappler, the match had good flow and was entertaining to read. The commentary was a bit bland at some points, but the Flesher joke makes up for that, of course. I did have a problem with the finish low, it was a bit dodgy with the whole “sliding-tv-title-belt-into-the-ring-powerbomb-on-it-slide-out-of-ring-and-somehow-the-ref-doesn’t-see-it”. I suggest going over finishes a couple times, cause I found this one to be rather weak. That said, an overall solid effort from da Grappler, I look forward to reading your next match. SINGLES MATCH Manson vs. Terry Wayne ~ Double no show? Ghastly. STEEL PIPE CHALLENGE Va'aiga vs. Viktor Tarakanov ~ \m/ >_< \m/!! This was a cool match... I mean, my god... VA’AIGA GOT UP AFTER THE MONSTROUS PUNCH!!!!!!!!!! TOTAL MARK OUT MOMENT! And then Viktor no sold two Southern Lights Bombs!?!? STUPID NO SELLING HOSSES! That being said, the match seemed a little rushed, and I would have liked to have seen more selling of the steel pipe, but hey, this beingz all goods. “Va'aiga: Is one tough bitch. Crow… Manson… take note. If I can turn up and kick HIS ass, be scared - I'm comin' for you winging little gothic bitches. MY HOUSE!” Oooooh, throwing down the gauntlet are we!? Just remember, Crow has beaten you before, and has got inside your head... don’t think he won’t do it again, Mr Maori Badass. Of course, this is if I manage to get pass Manson. MAIN EVENT HANDICAP MATCH Christian Blackwell vs. John Duran & Kaine ~ A Haiku? No comment. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest emerald_fusion Report post Posted May 5, 2003 Another no-show for me, though the 1700 words i had probably would have won. It's better i didn't send what i had anyway, i'm quit as of now, if i can't even show up half the time i should just leave and stop wasting everybody's time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Crowe Report post Posted May 5, 2003 Noooooo! Don't leave! Holy fuck, we're dropping like flies. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Superstar Report post Posted May 5, 2003 Well, I thought the only two matches that really showed were excellent....Va'aiga...you're the MAN~! And thanks to Crow for the constructive criticism. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
David Blazenwing 0 Report post Posted May 6, 2003 I didn't want to win the #1 contender's match, so I wrote a really crappy match and wouldn't you know it? I won. Huh... could've put more work into it, but what's the point? The only guys who really ever win here are the guys with mega-experience anyhow Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ace309 Report post Posted May 6, 2003 The only guys who really ever win here are the guys with mega-experience anyhow Well of course they win more often than the new guys. They've had more practice and so they write better, as a rule. Aside from the last match, which you intentionally wrote badly, your writing has been improving a lot. I hate to see you sounding discouraged like that. And in the future, if you don't want the TV contendership again (which I don't quite understand), you'll do better to write a job and put one of the other guys over than to intentionally tank the match. It gives you a chance to write a better match and still win the writing portion without winning a contendership you don't want for whatever reason, and it gives the markers and CC another good match to evaluate you on for possibly moving up to contendership and title matches for the Euro. Good luck, and I really hope to see you climbing the ladder soon. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
