Review of 5 Way Elimination

[Guest TheGame2705]

5 Way Elimination Match: Kid Kash vs. Amazing Red vs. The SAT’s vs. Elix Skipper

 

Red runs to the ring only to get outran by Kid Kash. SATs a.k.a. Super Crazies 1 and 2 come out and then finally out comes PRIMETIME BAYBEE~!

Skipper whips one of those Spanish dudes into the ropes but gets reversed. He stalls for about 5 seconds. Super Crazy #1 runs at him, gets caught, and sat on the turnbuckle. They stall some more before Elix hits him with a dropkick to send him over the top. PRIMETIME BAYBEE~! Red tries to whip but gets reversed and elbowed by one of those pesky Mexicans. Red bounces back off the ropes and Joel or Jose or Joe Momma catapults him and Red nails Skipper and Kash with a double dropkick and they both go outside. One of the SAT's stops to take in the scenery for about 10 seconds before realizing "There's a match going on? Kickass!" and he baseballs slides Skipper and Kash. Red tries to do the same thing but Super Crazy #2 I think, clotheslines Red. I like number two. No scat fetish comments PLEASE. The fans in attendance and viewers at home want to see #2 make his ass go bump, bump, bump so he gives the viewers what they want before he runs out and attacks Kash and Skipper. It should be noted that Kash at this point is probably frustrated and he grabs Joel or Janet and takes him down too. Tenay confirms, it was Joel. Amazing Red takes his own dive out of the ring. TNA chants arise, very reminiscent of the ECW mutants. Kid Kash somehow gets back in the ring and gets some retribution with a flipping splash off the top to the outside.

 

One of the SAT's gets Kid Kash in the Gory Special and Red comes in to watch and hold his stomach. He listened to his high school coach and tries to walk it off. The remaining SAT decides to kick him in the stomach and entwine him in the Gory Special so that Red's now in a Boston Crab. Number Two must be the one setting this up because he stopped Red from stalling and is setting up him getting hurt more and I like. He then sits on Red's head and pulls his arms. Skipper locks in the clutch on Number 2 then smacks his down into the mat. A look at the ol' trusty Rolex tells me it's now exactly PRIMETIME BAYBEE~! Elix Skipper runs off the ropes and does a slingshot dropkick to end the convoluted spot.

 

Skipper stomps one of the Crazies and then whips him into the ropes. He comes back and ducks under Elix's arm and then hits a headscissors on the comeback. He then ducks under Elix's arm again and hits a snap German for 2. Kash punches Jacko Maximo and gets whipped. He ducks a clothesline again and then on the rebound hits a hurricanrana after a jolly little skip. Tenay tells me it's Joel. What would I do without him? Kash no-sells and chops Joel. He whips him into the corner but Joel hops off the second and turns around only to have Kash put him in his place with a dropkick. Nice spot.

 

Kash then lets us know he's going to for a move where he twirls and runs, hops off the turnbuckle and nails a hurricanrana on Joel who's on the outside. Would have been a badass spot had Kash not landed right on his head. Kash gets up and tries to whip Joel into the announce table but again Joel no sells the Irish whip and reverses. Kash hops up onto the table and hops off with a tornado DDT.

 

Red and Jose fight while Elix watches in the corner. Jose whips Red into the corner but Red hops off the turnbuckle with a flip counter and almost lands on him but thankfully he didn't injure my precious Jose. Jose does the same to prove once again he 0wnz Red and tries for a German after he flips over him, but Red flips out. Red comes running at Jose who tries to powerbomb him but Red jumps out of his arms and onto the second turnbuckle. Jose notices and goes running but gets mule kicked. Red spins around but gets dropped with a sitout powerbomb by Jose. Damn straight.

 

Elix breaks up the pin. Why? I don't know. Elix whips Jose but Jose ducks under Elix and on the turnaround hits a hurricanrana rollup. Kickout at 2. They fight and Elix whips him into the turnbuckle. Elix runs in but gets kicked. Jose tries the tornado DDT but Elix holds on and places him on the apron. Shoulder to the stomach through the ropes by Jose. Jose takes a walk around the apron and gets up on the second rope. Elix boots him in the head and then goes up top. OLD SCHOOL~!...sort of as he walks the ropes then delivers a hurricanrana to the inside. Two count.

 

Kash comes off the top as Elix gets up and clotheslines him. Kash with a two count. Kash with a whip but as if we didn't see it coming, IT GETS REVERSED. Elix hits a poor gutwrench that makes Kash lands on his shoulder. Elix tells him to get up and Red is closely watching see if in fact, Kash will get up. Elix with a butterfly belly to belly for a two but broken up by Red. See Elix, that Red is no good. You saved his ass and then he cost you an elimination. Red with some punches on Elix and he tries the Irish whip but yeah I'm pretty sure you already know what happens. Red ducks under Elix and Elix swings but then gets ducked with a martial arts roundhouse. Educated feet twice in one night? Too good to be true. Skipper rolls out of the ring and Kash runs and kids Red in the stomach.

 

Kash pushes him into the corner and some a chop and punch. Kash tries to whip Red into the opposite corner but Red does the unthinkable and reverses it. THAT is why he's called Amazing. Red runs and Kash lifts him and Red goes onto the apron. Kash turns around and gets decked. Red climbs the top but Kash runs across the ring and up to the top with Red. He then press slams him all the way off the top and Red sells it like The Rock would. Kash then gets one of the Mexican twins on the other top rope but he short arm clotheslines him off the top. The other SAT breaks up the pin. WHY?! Hello this is really poor psychology. Don West plays it off Jose trying to save Joel from elimination but then goes "OMG they're fighting each other". Thank you for your pearls of wisdom. They battle in the corner and then #1 whips #2 but #2 reverses and #1 hops onto the second turnbuckle hops off and nails a tornado DDT. Elix does some more watching in the corner then decides to come in and break it up at 1. Elix whips whoever was just called #1 into the ropes and #1 DOESN'T REVERSE the whip. I think I made a mistake and #1 is really #2 because that was a markout moment. #2 (Jose) on the way back is about to getting picked up for what looks like a backbreaker but Jose tries to reverse with a headscissors. Jose is unsuccessful and when he lands back on his feet nails some elbows to the side of the head. He then tries an inverted atomic drop but Skipper slips out. He turns around to get kicked in the stomach. Play of the Day. PRIMETIME BAYBEE~! But no!, Jose just got eliminated. Fucksticks. Jose Maximo has been eliminated

 

 

Skipper goes back to watching in the corner and Joel watches Jose roll out. You should have been the one eliminated not Jose. Kash gives me vengeance and dropkicks Joel in the ass and he falls outside between the ropes. Red runs in and interrupts Elix's short coffee break with a punch. They cut to a full screen clip of the Play of the Day to remind us what time it is but while that happens Kash somehow ends outside and Elix dives out at him. Elix picks up Joel and throws him in. TNA chants in the same vein as ECW chants start up. I don't remember if he was around at the time but New Jack NEEDS to come in and staple gun the people in the front starting those chants.

Skipper up on the apron and Joel tries to attack but gets stopped by a headbutt to the stomach. Skipper slingshots in with a headscissors. Skipper picks him and forearms him and pushes him into the ropes. Then the whip and the reversal. Learn from your twin bitch, don't overdo the whip reversal. As Elix bounces off, Red must be sick of the whip reversal too and 619's Skipper in the back. I marked so fucking huge for that because it looked like Red was pissed. Skipper comes in and gets the Kryptonite Krunch from Joel. That looks like it fucking killed Elix and Elix gets eliminated. Elix Skipper has been eliminated

 

 

Kash kicks Joel as he gets up and chops him before he goes to whip him. Fuckin' A. Kash on the rebound with a boot to the stomach. Punches and then he just runs at the turnbuckles and springboards to hit his hurricanrana. Joel gets up and Kash runs at him to try the tornado DDT. He gets tossed off though but ducks under a Joel punch. Kash boots him to the stomach and hits the Money Maker. That move is not very indicative of Kash's career but it does indicate Joel is eliminated. Joel Maximo has been eliminated

 

 

Kash and Red look at each other both exhausted. Some annoying fat bitch starts up a "GO RED GO!" chant. New Jack, you're needed elsewhere now. Kash with a kick and forearms. Kash whips and Red doesn't reverse. That annoying lady probably distracted him. Red ducks a clothesline and jumps and humps Kash's side in a loving embrace. Awww. Apparently Kash likes it rough and he picks up Red and drops him with a slam. Leg drop by Kash for a two. Whip by Kash and again no reversal by Red who comes back and headscissors Kash. Kash gets up and is hit with a martial arts kick that looked exactly like that torpedo kick Chun Li did. I'm starting to like Red. Kickout by Kash at 2. Red tries a whip and instead of Kash returning the favor by not reversing, he reverses. Sick, sadistic son of a bitch. Kash stumbles around a bit and on the way back to Red he gets a foot to the face. Red up to the second and he wants sloppy seconds as he dives for the hug again but this time takes down Kash. 1! 2! Foot on the rope. Red frustrated picks up Kash and punches him into the turnbuckle. Whip into the opposite corner and Kash learns the way of the righteous and doesn't reverse. Instead he hops onto the second, turns around, and blasts Red with a kick to the chest.

 

Kash hops off the top rope and hits a whisper on the wind on the canvas and Red falls too. One, two, and the canvas and Red both kick out. Kash whips Red into the ropes and on the way back Red tries a sunset flip but he can't easily take the big man down. He struggles and gets him down but only a 2. Kash shoves his head into Red's crotch for a rollup at 2 but then flips himself into a sunset flip but kicks out. They stop the near fall sequence and Kash kicks Red in the ass as Red tries to recoop. Kash picks him up and hits the Bankrupt, very indicative of the last place he worked. It sounded like the Bankroll but then I couldn't make the obvious ECW joke. Either way, Red kicks out and Kash is mad. Kash tries the whip but Red adds insult to injury and reverses. Kash boots him to the stomach and does another mad dash to the turnbuckle. He springboards off and nails a cross body. Only a two count though. Kash picks him up and brings him into the corner and places him with his back towards the ring. Kash climbs up but gets elbowed and falls off. Red hits the infrared for the win. Kid Kash has been eliminated.

 

Winner: The Amazing Red

 

 

My Thoughts

I personally thought it was alright. Not as horrendous as the triple threat ladder or a Lo-Ki match. It certainly did have it's obvious glaring flaws but it was good.

Edited May 9, 2003 by TheGame2705

[Guest B-X]

Paragraphs are our friend.

[Guest TheGame2705]

I was going to add it in later. Guess I'll do it now since everyone's lazy.

[Guest TheGame2705]

Anyone have any comments?

[Guest CoreyLazarus416]

LowKi matches are fun. You just need to get used to 'em. Until you do, you see 'em as nothing special.

[Guest TheGame2705]

Wargh don't mention Low-Ki mention the review. Did you find it funny? Did you find it crappy? Errors?

[Guest CoreyLazarus416]

I agreed fully with your review, except for calling it better than the Triple Ladder match. The Triple Ladder match was better, but not by much. I can't stand this match for two reasons, really:

-Jose Maximo

-Joel Maximo

 

I can't stand either one. Maybe it's because they're just so damn tired after doing weekend shows and working their dayjobs that by the time Wednesday night came, they couldn't put forth any real effort. I don't know, and I don't care. Save for two matches in TNA, they've sucked ass. I got over the Spanish Fly the second time they did it. Joel's too big to try all of the lucha/spotfest stuff he does, and Jose doesn't put forth any effort when doing anything other than a top-rope leg drop, it seems.