What if the NBA was run like WWE?

[Guest Redhawk]

Suppose with Michael Jordan gone, a small-market team like San Antonio winning the title and LeBron James going to a small-market team (like Memphis), the NBA finds that business is down in 2004. What if David Stern decides to fix things using the Vince McMahon business model...

 

--Michael Jordan signs with the Chicago Bulls, prompting GM John Paxson to come out of retirement and play again, trade for Scottie Pippen and Toni Kukoc, then talk Horace Grant and BJ Armstrong out of retirement. Coach Bill Cartwright also suits back up in uniform.

--The Portland Trail Blazers bring in Dr. Jack Ramsey as head coach, and move former coach Maurice Cheeks to point guard.

--The Jazz are relocated back to New Orleans, the Hornets back to Charlotte, and the new Charlotte franchise is moved to Cincinnati and named the Royals.

--John Stockton comes back for one last run with Karl Malone.

--Every team permanently switches to throwback jerseys and their old court designs.

--Instead of the USA Olympic roster consisting of Jason Kidd, Tracy McGrady and others, Stern reforms Dream Team I, even allowing Christian Laettner to stay on the team.

--ESPN scraps it's current NBA theme music for John Tesh's old "NBA on NBC" theme.

--The national TV networks go back to only showing the Bulls, Pacers, Lakers, Heat, Knicks, Magic, Spurs, Jazz, and Rockets every week.

[Guest ISportsFan]

It's already pretty similar to WWE.

 

Jason

[Guest The Czech Republic]

Suppose with Michael Jordan gone, a small-market team like San Antonio winning the title and LeBron James going to a small-market team (like Memphis), the NBA finds that business is down in 2004. What if David Stern decides to fix things using the Vince McMahon business model...

 

--Michael Jordan signs with the Chicago Bulls, prompting GM John Paxson to come out of retirement and play again, trade for Scottie Pippen and Toni Kukoc, then talk Horace Grant and BJ Armstrong out of retirement. Coach Bill Cartwright also suits back up in uniform.

--The Portland Trail Blazers bring in Dr. Jack Ramsey as head coach, and move former coach Maurice Cheeks to point guard.

--The Jazz are relocated back to New Orleans, the Hornets back to Charlotte, and the new Charlotte franchise is moved to Cincinnati and named the Royals.

--John Stockton comes back for one last run with Karl Malone.

--Every team permanently switches to throwback jerseys and their old court designs.

--Instead of the USA Olympic roster consisting of Jason Kidd, Tracy McGrady and others, Stern reforms Dream Team I, even allowing Christian Laettner to stay on the team.

--ESPN scraps it's current NBA theme music for John Tesh's old "NBA on NBC" theme.

--The national TV networks go back to only showing the Bulls, Pacers, Lakers, Heat, Knicks, Magic, Spurs, Jazz, and Rockets every week.

AWESOME!!!!!!!!

 

I'm listening to the NBA on NBC theme right now! Kicks the ESPNBA and NBABC themes like only John Tesh can.

 

And throwback jerseys! And the classic Bulls! David Stern SHOULD go retro!

 

 

From the original title I was just going to instantly respond "well aren't they both run like shit?" but man YOU ARE ON TO SOMETHING!

[Guest razazteca]

If Stern tried to run NBA like WWE he would try to push young green talent to the top. AND1 Mixtape players would be drafted hm er expanded into the NBA, so would the WNBA Divas.

[Guest cartman]

Heh. Makes sense I guess seeing as NBA players have appaerently learned to sell like wrestlers to get foul calls.

[Guest pinnacleofallthingsmanly]

I've been saying this for a week. You missed the part where I wanted Joe Namath to go back to the Jets.

[Guest Choken One]

Shawn Bradley and Yao Ming would headline every week...

[Guest Redhawk]

Vince always aligns WWE with crappy-ass movies like House of 1,000 Corpses and 8-Legged Freaks. So Stern could align the NBA with movies like Juwanna Mann and Like Mike, having the stars of the movies come out and have their jerseys retired by teams. Or Bow Wow could play a couple of minutes during a Clippers-Lakers game and be allowed to crossover Kobe Bryant.

[Guest JHawk]

Four words:

 

NBA Champion Harlem Globetrotters

[Guest The Czech Republic]

They could be like WCW, and in an effort to bring in more fans, insert Diamond Dallas Page into the Utah Jazz's starting lineup.

 

Off-topic: Can anyone else see DDP as the most obnoxious basketball player ever?

 

More off-topic: Back in '97 or '98 whenever it was, personally, I bet that John Stockton would've beaten Dennis Rodman in WCW. Absolutely kicked his ass.

[Guest razazteca]

Conan O'Brian association:

 

NBA Street vol 2

Hoop it Up

High school playas

 

Answer: NBA has forgotten about the basics of the game.

[Guest razazteca]

They could be like WCW, and in an effort to bring in more fans, insert Diamond Dallas Page into the Utah Jazz's starting lineup.

 

Off-topic: Can anyone else see DDP as the most obnoxious basketball player ever?

 

More off-topic: Back in '97 or '98 whenever it was, personally, I bet that John Stockton would've beaten Dennis Rodman in WCW. Absolutely kicked his ass.

Stockon & Malone = Tag Champions of the World

DDP would come up with 5 million ways to shoot the ball just like he did with the Ace Crusher Self Alley Oop

[Guest The Czech Republic]

They could be like WCW, and in an effort to bring in more fans, insert Diamond Dallas Page into the Utah Jazz's starting lineup.

 

Off-topic: Can anyone else see DDP as the most obnoxious basketball player ever?

 

More off-topic: Back in '97 or '98 whenever it was, personally, I bet that John Stockton would've beaten Dennis Rodman in WCW. Absolutely kicked his ass.

Stockon & Malone = Tag Champions of the World

DDP would come up with 5 million ways to shoot the ball just like he did with the Ace Crusher Self Alley Oop

And you can bet that Page would be doing some awful trash-talk on the court. Put him, Bigelow, and Kanyon in Nets uniforms and bring back the Jersey Triad.

[Guest razazteca]

Jersey Triad with PHIL JACKSON as coach!

[Guest Hogan Made Wrestling]

--The national TV networks go back to only showing the Bulls, Pacers, Lakers, Heat, Knicks, Magic, Spurs, Jazz, and Rockets every week.

So other than the Kings and Mavs, how is this any different than today?

[Guest Redhawk]

They've also thrown in the Wizards (well, probably not next year), 76ers, Celtics, T'Wolves, Nets, and Blazers. And they don't show the Heat and Knicks anymore, thank God. But you're right, ABC, like NBC, only shows the same handful of teams. At least ESPN and TNT mix it up.

[Guest pinnacleofallthingsmanly]

The national TV networks go back to only showing the Bulls, Pacers, Lakers, Heat, Knicks, Magic, Spurs, Jazz, and Rockets every week.

I never got to see Iverson play until the first time he made the playoffs.

[Guest Gatornibs]

I've always invisioned the following swerves to get ratings...

 

Superbowl. Quarterback who is up by 6 and has to run out clock to be world champions, purposely fades back, throws it to a cornerback who runs in. The Quarterback runs to the endzone, takes off his jersey to reveal the jersey of another one. He's a free agent in the off season, immediately signs with the Super Bowl champs, and they face each other on Monday Night Football in Week 1

 

NHL Playoffs. Game 7-Goalie steps out purposely and allows the game winning goal in the 3rd period. Takes off jersey to reveal that of opponent

 

NBA Playoffs- Game 7-10 seconds left with a 3 to win. Guy purposely throws it outta bounds. Takes off jersey to reveal that of opponent.

 

Baseball-Guy on 3rd 2 outs Game 7 of world series. Pitcher purposely throws a wild pitch allowing winning run to score. Takes off jersey to reveal that of opponent.

[Guest Zero_Cool]

Or how about a star baseball announcing that he plans on staying in the city and competing for the small market, and just after that, "New York, New York" pumps onto the PA, and out comes George Steinbrenner, baseball in hand. He walks up to the podium and looks eye to eye with the players, the small market owner sitting at the table down the way. Just then, the big fish in the small pond steps away, letting Steinbrenner punk out the owner with a bat. The slugger then unbuttons his shirt, revealing a "property of NY Yankees" shirt on underneath..then flexes.

 

The Sports Guy rules.

[Guest Redhawk]

They could re-enact Wrestlemania 14: With the Lakers needing a crucial bucket to win their playoff series, Shaq gets the ball. Then Kobe Bryant comes running by while cutting to the hoop and "accidentally" knocks it loose. The T'Wolves get the ball and Kevin Garnett scores to ice the game. After it's over, Shaq gets in Kobe's face at midcourt. Kobe's like, "Hey man, back off me," but Sahq keeps yelling at him. Suddenly Kobe drops the big guy with a right cross as Marv Albert yells "KOBE! KOBE! KOBE! RIGHT HAND!" Kevin Garnett then tosses Kobe a Minnesota jersey and Kobe puts it on, as the camera cuts to Shaq, layed out at midcourt, still chewing gum.

[Guest treble charged]

They've also thrown in the Wizards (well, probably not next year), 76ers, Celtics, T'Wolves, Nets, and Blazers. And they don't show the Heat and Knicks anymore, thank God. But you're right, ABC, like NBC, only shows the same handful of teams. At least ESPN and TNT mix it up.

Aren't the cable stations required by the league to show every team in the league at least once every season? I remember it being a big deal when the Raptors played on TNT for the first time in their first season, and the only reason they were on was because the league mandated it.

[Guest Bricks]

The Toronto Raptors have won the NBA Championship the year before and are back in the Finals against the L.A. Lakers. It's Game 7 in Toronto and the Lakers have just taken a 95-94 lead in the 4th Quarter. The ball is inbounded to Vince Carter and... David Stern screams "Hit the buzzer! Hit the fuckin' buzzer". The game ends with 2:01 left. The Toronto Raptors have been screwed!

[Guest treble charged]

So THAT'S why the Grizzlies moved to Memphis. Stern just likes sticking it to the Canadian fans.

[Guest pinnacleofallthingsmanly]

I've always invisioned the following swerves to get ratings...

 

Superbowl. Quarterback who is up by 6 and has to run out clock to be world champions, purposely fades back, throws it to a cornerback who runs in. The Quarterback runs to the endzone, takes off his jersey to reveal the jersey of another one. He's a free agent in the off season, immediately signs with the Super Bowl champs, and they face each other on Monday Night Football in Week 1

 

I did something like that at recess when I was in elementary school. My QB kept passing to his best friend and no one else, so I snuck away from a huddle and switched teams. I lined up and ran out to the middle of the field where no one covered me at all. The QB threw me the ball, but to his surprise I ran the wrong way. My reception was actually an interception and I returned it for a touchdown. That play ended up being the deciding play of the game because it was the only score.

[Guest The Tino Standard]

They've also thrown in the Wizards (well, probably not next year), 76ers, Celtics, T'Wolves, Nets, and Blazers. And they don't show the Heat and Knicks anymore, thank God. But you're right, ABC, like NBC, only shows the same handful of teams. At least ESPN and TNT mix it up.

Aren't the cable stations required by the league to show every team in the league at least once every season? I remember it being a big deal when the Raptors played on TNT for the first time in their first season, and the only reason they were on was because the league mandated it.

No way. The Cavaliers haven't been on national TV in at least 2 (possibly 3) years. Of course, they didn't really belong on national TV this year, but the previous two years, they weren't quite as bad. Pretty much every other shitty team got at least ONE token appearance on a TNT weeknight game.

 

And ESPN is NOT a good example of showing a variety of teams. Lakers, Kings, Celtics, Spurs, T-Wolves, 76ers... EVERY F'N WEEK.

[Guest JHawk]

And ESPN is NOT a good example of showing a variety of teams. Lakers, Kings, Celtics, Spurs, T-Wolves, 76ers... EVERY F'N WEEK.

 

Which is the real reason why the ratings keep dropping every year.

 

Hell, the only reason I really want the Lakers to lose is because Danny Ainge is the only broadcaster all season who hasn't given Kobe Bryant a verbal blowjob everytime he gets a lucky roll.

[Guest Polish_Rifle]

The NBA is alreasy like the WWE, it's Sports Entertainment. The Lakers are a lot like HHH in that they are always booked to win, either with a sledgehammer or help from the refs.

[Guest starvenger]

The Sports Guy rules.

You damn right he does.

 

But in the "The Sports Guy books the NBA" universe Kobe hits Shaq with a steel chair after a timeout, and Jack Nicholson comes out of the crowd to help out while Marv Albert is yells "Nooooooo!!". Bill Walton, of course, would still say something moronoic.

[Guest Vern Gagne]

And ESPN is NOT a good example of showing a variety of teams. Lakers, Kings, Celtics, Spurs, T-Wolves, 76ers... EVERY F'N WEEK.

 

Which is the real reason why the ratings keep dropping every year.

 

Hell, the only reason I really want the Lakers to lose is because Danny Ainge is the only broadcaster all season who hasn't given Kobe Bryant a verbal blowjob everytime he gets a lucky roll.

What's so great about seeing a variety of teams. Most of the league is mediocre. I'd rather watch the good teams, than the Jazz or Clippers.

 

The reason no one watches is the NBA is it's boring. If all games where like Sacramento/Dallas the ratings would be way up.

[Guest Ripper]

Boredom has nothing to do with it...cause jeebus baseball would get NO ratings.

 

I know that when you move all the games off free TV like they did this year.(By free, I'm not counting TNT...that is still basic cable) in a economic climate where cable TV is a luxury, then you are shooting yourself in the foot. The ABC games were higher rated than most of the TNT and ESPN games this year. If you don't have cable, you were able to see MAYBE 10 games this year since it was moved from TBS. With lack of accessablity they took a already declining genre of TV (sports broadcast in general have been on the decline in ratings) and killed it more. Dumbasses.