A Telemarketer hang up on Me...

[Guest redbaron51]

The transcript...

 

Me: H-

 

Asshole: Hello would you like to purchase this product for $X.XX a month for a year?

 

Me (In Hispanic Voice): Did You Kick My Dog?

 

Asshole: I'm sorry sir?

 

Me: Did U Kick My Dog?

 

Asshole: No sir I did not.

 

Me: Well You must have, since my dog has a limp.

 

Asshole: I did not kick your dog.

 

Me: I had to take him to surgery, cost me money, not i can't by your product because you kicked my dog.

 

Asshole: Well I can lower the fee then.

 

Me: I'm broke, because all my money went to the dog, because you kicked it.

 

Asshole: I can..

 

Me: No...You kicked my dog. I saw you and I'll call the cops...

 

Asshole: Gooday... *click*

 

 

 

a man i pissed him off good.

[Guest HBK16]

I love when they call. I make up sthe weirdest shit to say to them

 

Heres one that happened a few weeks ago. I still laugh about it now.

 

Guy: Hello may I speak to the women of the house?

 

Me: No she died form a parachuting acident 3 days ago.

 

Guy: Is the Male avalible?

 

 

 

Heres another one

 

May I speak to Sandra ... (horribly mispronounces my last name)?

 

Me: Im sorry she got hit by a train last month.

 

Guy: Oh.. Um...Im sorry.....

 

Me: thanks for opening up a close wound!

 

Guy: Ummmmm

 

Me: *Fake cry, hang up*

 

 

Its hilarious to see their reactions to that. I feel a little bad but they disrupted me when I was with my girlfriend so they deserved it.

[Guest oldschoolwrestling]

I got caller ID and caller block for 2 specific reasons:

 

Telemarketers

Mother-in-law

[Guest Youth N Asia]

Asshole: Can I speak to the lady of the house?

Me: This is she

 

He hung up after that...I do have a deep voice though, maybe it scared him off.

[Guest MaxPower27]

Guy: Can I speak to _____ ________ (my mom)

Me: I don't know, can you?

Guy: It's very important. I have a X.XX% offer for _______, and it can be effective immediately!

Me: Well, what's the password?

Guy: ...

Me: Hello?

Guy: I don't have time for this.

Me: You don't?

Guy: No, I don't.

Me: Great. I don't either. Cockface *hangs up phone*

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

I got caller ID and caller block for 2 specific reasons:

 

Telemarketers

Doesent work for me.

 

He hung up after that...I do have a deep voice though, maybe it scared him off.

 

I've been working on a Dave Mustaine impersontion which sounds better over the phone.

[Guest Banky]

I am a telemarketer.

[Guest MaxPower27]

I am a telemarketer.

Then I choose you use your member title "I hate every inch of you." against you, Mr. Banky.

[Guest Fook_Hing_Ho]

I just tell them I'm broke and have no access to money.

 

Works every time.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Ehh, RedBaron's thing was funnier when the Jerky Boys did it, or whoever it was on that clip circulating around Kazaa. A friend of mine claims that someone stole that bit from him, but I doubt it.

[Guest Mole]

That is classic red.

[Guest Mole]

Best is from Seinfeld:

 

Telemarketer: Would you be interested in a subscription to the New York Times?

Jerry: Yes!

[hangs up]

[Guest nl5xsk1]

I've spent some time as a telemarketer, and most of the things that people do to "piss them off" just makes them laugh. I got paid regardless of how many people signed up for the mortgage crap I was offering, so people who were trying to mess with me just made my day better. (gave me a laugh, kept me on the phone so I didn't have to make other calls, etc.) Unless someone is really desperate to meet a quota, normally they don't care about getting fucked around with.

[Guest Ripper]

You can always just say, I'm on the other line...that ends the calls for me.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

No lie, I was reading this thread, and a telemarketer called me. Took her a long time to realize I didn't want T Mobile.

[Guest oldschoolwrestling]

No lie, I was reading this thread, and a telemarketer called me. Took her a long time to realize I didn't want T Mobile.

You should have asked her if she knew Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas and if she could hook you up.

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

Telemarketer: Yes...we are offering a low rate on a new cellphone

 

Me: Okay...well I'm a shutin...never leave the house...and as you can see this phone is working just fine. Have a nice day *click*

 

OR

 

Me: Why don't you give me your number and i'll call you back from the cellphone I got for free and which I pay about X dollars a month for because my parents work for CellularOne...

 

 

You tell them you (or a relative) works for said company and they shut up mighty quick...the first one is also good to shut people up...

[Guest What?]

TM: Hello. Is Mr or Mrs. R...Re.....Reunion?...Home? (my last name is Runnion...where do they get Reunion?)

 

Me: Ye...Wait, hold on...

 

(slightly muffle the phone)

 

Me: IT PUTS THE LOTION ON IT'S SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN! PUT THE FUCKING LOTION ON YOUR SKIN! I'LL GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS, GOD DAMMIT!

 

(unmuffle the phone)

 

Me: I'm sorry, who are you asking for?

 

*click*

[Guest cynicalprofit]

Today the trib called, i just left the phone on the floor, turned it off when I heard it going beep beep beep.

 

Next time its the, sorry, im robbing the place response.

[Guest BDC]

Have you ever considered giving them hope that they might make a sale? I did that with a credit card company once and never again because the stupid hag never got that I was messing with her. I said I'd like it, but it had to be a certain color b/c I had OCD. When you insist on a chartruse (sp?) or brindle mix, they ought to know better...

 

Next time, I'm going to ask the lady that calls me to take the gum out of her mouth. Why do they do that? To make real sure we can't understand them?

[Guest BDC]

Actually, what's funny is that Kentucky has a "no call" list. Most national companies don't know about it, so as soon as I mention it, they think they've broken the law and panic.

[Guest Choken One]

Actully...I talk to them if I am bored...I get them tied up on the line for about 10-15 minutes and I usually get them to break down crying mid-way...

 

If yer cool enough...Just go...

 

"Fuck that Noise...".

[Guest Galactic Gigolo]

AT = AT&T

 

AT - Hello sir. I'm calling from AT and we have a special offer from you.

 

Me - AT molested me.

 

AT - You mean they charged you unfairly? Well, I can guarantee that..

 

Me - No, they physically molested me.

 

AT - I can guarantee that AT will treat you good with this plan...

 

Me - Their hands were all over my body, and it was just wrong. Now, can you guarantee me that AT won't molest me anymore?

 

AT - Sir, I guarantee you that AT won't molest you anymore.

 

Me - That sounds great. Hold on a second.... I just had a thought. What if I want the molestings back?

 

AT - Excuse me?

 

Me - You see, I change my mind often on the subject of the molestations. One minute it's, "No, don't stick it there." The next I'm stretching it out for them.

 

AT - I'm sure if you sign up for this deal, and call up AT, they will molest you if you'd like.

 

Me - Jesus Christ you sick fuck! Whoever said anything about molestings? And why would AT be molesting me your pervert!

 

* click *

 

I use the Arnold soundboard on them all the time too.

 

Tele - Telemarket

 

Tele - Hello sir, can I speak to George Conley?

 

Arnold - No.

 

Tele - Who am I speaking to?

 

Arnold - I'm detective John Kimble!

 

Tele - Are you the head of the household?

 

Arnold - Hey, I'm a police officer.

 

Tele - O-kay. Would you like to hear what 'x' company is offering?

 

Arnold - Yes.

 

Tele - Blah, blah, blah.

 

Arnold - First, I would like to just get to know you.

 

Tele - Umm... Okay sir.

 

Arnold - Who is your daddy and what does he do?

 

Tele - (pause) Are you interested in this deal sir?

 

Arnold - YES!

 

Tele - Then can I please have your name and address.

 

Arnold - I'M A COP YOU IDIOT!

 

Tele - Sir, I know that.

 

Arnold - Cookies?

 

Tele- What?

 

Arnold - WHO TOLD YOU YOU COULD EAT MY COOKIES?

 

Tele - Mr. Kimble, I just want to sell you...

 

Arnold - Stop being such a pussy.

 

Tele - Have a good day Sir.

 

Arnold - Good-bye!

[Guest evilhomer]

My cat's name is mittens and his breath smells like cat food.

 

repeat

[Guest The Czech Republic]

Once I used what can best be described as a Mexican Chinese accent.

 

TM: Hi may I please speak to (name)?

 

TCR: Ay? Who all you?

 

TM: I'm calling from--

 

TCR: He no reeve here! You call back no mall you heeeeer?

 

TM: I'm sorry sir--

 

TCR: He no reeve here!