OAOAST IntenseZone - 5/19/03

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Pre-Show Entertainment

 

 

*The scene opens up to steps leading up and down. Sonic Youth comes into view, despite the loosely lit lightbulb swinging to and fro above him. He wipes his nose with the back of his hand and stares up at the camera.*

 

Sonic Youth: I was SO close too...I could've won the North American Title and made a name for myself. Shown everybody that I'm the only true Icon here at Intense Zone. That didn't happen though did it, of course not and it's all because of one man. That man, none other then Vitamin X.

 

*Sonic grabs the railing with a hand and climbs up into a standing position*

 

Sonic Youth: School's Out we battle Vitamin. We square off dead center in that very ring, 1 on 1 with no place to hide. You want to stalk? Fine, go ahead but at School's Out you'll be my prey Vitamin X. Janet, she's at home tonight. Didn't feel like coming in, afraid you'd try something. It takes a lot to scare her you know. Sure, she and Lauren got a little revenge on you last week but tonight's my night.

 

*Sonic begins to walk down the steps, both hands thrown into the jean pockets*

 

Sonic Youth: You act like the rules don't pertain to you? Oh wait, there aren't any rules anymore are there? Quite a shame really, cause I'm sure they'd benefit you. At the very least, they'd save you from the ass kicking coming at School's Out. Then again, maybe we don't have to wait until School's Out. I'm here now and I'm sure you're somewhere in the building.

 

*Sonic opens a door and steps through, entering a hallway with doors lining up showing names like Andrew Hyland, Banky and such.*

 

Sonic Youth: Soon I'll find you Vitamin. Don't kid yourself, you can't take me. Especially not after what you've been trying to do with Janet. You can talk about my girls all you want, but physically you fuck with them then you fuck with me. Well well well, looks like a visit should be made.

 

*Sonic spots Vitamin X's door and kicks it open. Sonic walks in, pissed as he begins to throw things and shout for Vitamin X. He turns towards the shower but hears a sound and pauses. Suddenly, WHAM! a golf club smashes Sonic hard on his right cheek. Sonic slumps to the floor as Vitamin X stands over him, golf club in hand and blood pooling out of Sonic's mouth and gathering on the carpet. Vitamin X walks out with a smug look as Sonic remains KO'd*

 

::fades in::

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Really Really Evil Four Horsemen...riiiightttt

 

 

JR: Welcome to IntenseZone...I'm Jim Ross!

 

Jesse: And I'm a former governor that don't give two shits! THE MAN is here tonight!

 

JR: What man?

 

Jesse: Don't you know JR? iZ executives snatched up a top celebrity as a new talent...exclusively right here...

 

JR: Is that why there's this fax machine?

 

Jesse: Yeah, and here we are getting one right now!

 

::The fax machine on the announce table begins feeding a paper through it...Jesse rips it off

 

JR: Well?

 

Jesse: Hush up, it's the alcohol list for the arena...Sir! Dos Tequilas Por Favor! Who's fighting first JR?

 

JR : Ladies and gentleman last week K-NESS beat Dave Meltzer in the booking room with ease but it looks like he’s not done with the Internet Wrestling Community, let’s see what he has to say.

 

K-NESS is standing in the middle of the ring, microphone in hand. Unfortunately he had nothing to wear today so he borrowed a pair of jeans and a Jobbitude t-shirt from Job Squad.

 

K-NESS : So last week I kicked Dave Meltzer’s ass, it should have been enough but I just wanna make sure there are none of these internet PENCIL NECK GEEKS~! left before I face actual wrestlers, so, anyone wants to try?

 

Here I go Again by Whitesnake hits and 4 fat guys with masks and t-shirts with ‘411’ written on it walk down the aisle, one by one, they unmask :

 

-Widro

-Jay Bower

-Chris Hyatte

-Scott Keith

 

JR : Look at these four hosses Jesse, it’s the 411 Army Bah GAWD!!!

Jesse : AND?

JR : Well, they’re big n’ fat n’… nevermind.

 

Scott Keith takes a microphone.

 

Keith : mfmfmfmfhgfgngmfhgmmm

 

JR : It sure ain’t easy to talk with a mouthful of pork fat.

Jesse : C’mon Scott, SWALLOW DAMMIT!, we don’t have all night!

 

Keith : K-NESS, for weeks now you have been dissing the greatness that is the Internet Wrestling Community, so tonight I will have no choice but to crush you, the inferior being with no high-speed acces. But first, I have to summon the Power of the Cable Modem.

 

Suddenly,a blue aura surrounds Scott Keith and he MORPHS INTO CHRIS BENOIT!!!!! He then runs to the ring.

 

JR : Did I just see an overweight internet wrestlnig reporter morph into a Chris Benoit clone?

Jesse : Yep, and it’s certainly not 2003 Chris Benoit, LOOK AT THAT MULLET!

 

*Ding Ding Ding *

 

Ben… err, Keith runs at K-NESS and elbows him right in the face, K-NESS backs into the ropes and comes back with a Western Lariat!, but the Benoit clone is still on his feet!, he Irish Whips K-NESS and goes for a clotheline but K-NESS ducks and comes back with a crossbody!, 1.. 2.., Benoit 2 kicks out.

 

JR : What’s that?, fake Benoit is getting fatter… oh wait, he’s morphing back into Scott Keith!

Jesse : Looks like Mr. Keith is out of magical powers for today.

 

Keith is so blown up he can’t even get to his feet, K-NESS covers, 1.. 2.. 3!

 

*Ding Ding Ding *

 

K-NESS : Aw crap, Job’s t-shirt is all greasy, he’s gonna kick my ass…

 

The 411 Army tries to attack K-NESS to save their leader but K-NESS shows them a picture of the IntenseZone general manager Damian Gonzalez and they all cower in fear, picking up their leader on the way.

 

JR: What a match!

 

Jesse: IT SUCKED! 4 Internet Wrestling Columnists...

 

JR: Well Dames is one too...he's our boss

 

Jesse: I'd like to see him wrestle K-ness! ::swigs tequila::

 

JR: Just shut up and drink

 

Jesse: NOoooo PROBLEM!

 

The following is an advertisement we paid for...Watch it...or else

 

The screen fades to black as a deep-voiced announcer begins his monologue.

 

“This summer…”

 

The glimmer from a silver mask is seen as it flies across the screen.

 

“...all bets are off…”

 

A tight shot of a man adjusting the gloves on his hands is shown.

 

“…and the world will never be the same again.”

 

The masked man looks directly into the camera, but the black fabric of the mask cover his eyes and mouth, obscuring any signs of emotion. A male voice with a stereotypical Asian accent yells off camera “Rooka Angalee! ANGALEE!” The masked man violently shakes his head, presumably in rage, until the defeated voice off camera shouts, “Cut! Cut! Fook theese…” The masked man looks at the director off screen, cocking his head to the side and shrugging his shoulders as the deep-voiced announcer interjects himself once again.

 

“The critics agree; ‘He’s absolutely revolutionary…his presence is larger than life’, raves Roger Ebert.”

 

The masked man is shown in an interrogation room, angrily pointing at an extremely large black male in an orange prison jumpsuit. The prisoner looks perplexed and simply asks, “Could you please speak out loud?” before getting tackled to the floor and beaten by the much smaller masked man.

 

“Rolling Stone declares him to be ‘…beyond legendary and a icon for all time.’”

 

A college classroom setting is shown. A student defiantly stands up amongst his peers. “Why must you treat us like mere children?” he asks. The camera cuts to the masked man, wearing nerd glasses along with a gaudy suit. He turns to the whiteboard and, with a black marker, writes the letters F, U, and C in succession before the camera pans back to the student, whose eyes begin to well with tears.

 

“And our lawyers tell us, ‘Stop falsely representing these people unless you really want to get sued.’”

 

The masked man, in full pimp attire, dances with a voluptuous blonde woman wearing lederhosen, the mascot of the Maryland Terrapins, and Screamin’ Norman Smiley.

 

“What the hell…”, the announcer thinks out loud, “..oh…um…This summer, everyone in the OAOAST will know what it feels like to be…”

 

The masked man jumps toward the screen with his arm extended and index finger pointing directly at the camera. Just as he is about to make impact, the scene cuts to an image of twenty poorly dressed ninjas simultaneously falling to the ground with a terribly timed pyrotechnic display going off two seconds later.

 

“…UNREGISTERED!” The word appears on screen in cliché Chinese-styled lettering.

 

The masked man steps into a spotlight as the announcer completes his shill.

 

“Nobody know who he is. Nobody knows where he comes from. And nobody sure as hell knows where he’s coming from either. He is…THE BANNABLE OFFENSE!”

 

The announcer’s voice echoes as a logo looking blatantly like the one used for The Hulk is shown, bearing the words “Bannable Offense.” Behind the logo, Bannable Offense begins doing Hogan-esque poses as a group of lawyers begin to walk into frame. The director can be heard sobbing “Oh god, why?” repeatedly while Bannable Offense continues to pose as he’s dragged off by the suits.

 

The screen fades to black except for one phrase displayed in white text: Coming Soon…

 

Seconds later, a smaller byline appears: …Whether We Like It or Not.

 

We paid for the preceding announcement...If you think it sucked, you don't watch HeldDown enough

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

He...is Here!

 

::The fax machine buzzes again::

 

JR: Jesse...fax

 

Jesse: Oh yeah! OH YEAH JR...HE IS HERE! ROLL IT!!!!

 

 

(Camera fades in to see Banky sitting down in the study of his Ranch in Parts Unknown. He is wearing a black button up shirt with the sleaves rolled up. His jet black hair is slicked back with a tight curl in the front. Banky has a confident look on his face, as he has just received his first cheque from Dames. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the aforementioned cheque)

 

"I told all of you I wouldn't start here until this reached me. I know I shouldn't trust you bastards as it may still bounce. But thats alright, I don't need the money anyway...I think I might buy a group of retards some extra wheelchairs. I love them crazy bastards, its for my foundation...'Banky's Foundation for Retarded Cripples in Need'. Names' got quite a ring to it. I do what I can with my stroke around these parts.

 

(Puts the ceque back into his pocket and looks into the camera with the same smug look as before)

 

You all know who I am. You know what I am capable of. You know that there isn't a more quality person than Banky. I know there is resentment, I know that my appearence will incite a collective groan from the masses, but thats fine. I don't care, I'd feel worried about my position if I showed up too. You can say whatever you want about me. I am comfortable with my celebrity. I've learned that you just can't make the masses happy, so why worry about it? Right?

 

(Banky's grin slowly transforms into a look of determination)

 

All I want is the chance to prove that I can succeed at the wrestling game. I have the determination to become the World Champion of the World. I dedicate this run to my son, Chevy. Chevy has been having some trouble at school with bullies, and I want him to have a daddy who can kick some BUTT. Oh, and I can kick some BUTT but good! I won't let him down, or any of you

 

(The insincerity has become quite evident)

 

Give Banky a chance. Thats all he asks. And when you give Banky the chance, he'll snap your goddamn neck in two....

 

(His eyes are piercing the camera)

 

I will dismantle anyone who gets in my way. I will cripple every single one of the superstars here, and leave them for dead. Then while they lay incompacitated in their hospital beds, they will listen to every single one of my fucking songs on the AM dial. After I steal your pride, dignity, and self-respect - you will all have no choice but to bow down to the most powerful entertainer the world has ever witnessed. Joseph Stalin ain't got nothing on me. I am judge, jury, and executioner. I decide your fate. Mess with Banky? Consider your days numbered. Have a problem with anything I've said? Talk to my secretary, she'll tell you to go fuck yourself.

 

::fades out::

 

JR: THAT is your man?

 

Jesse: He's better than Tony BY GAWD!

 

JR: He's a foul mouthed pig!

 

Jesse: Pot. Kettle. Black

 

JR: Why do I even bother?

 

Meanwhile, Backstage...

 

::Jailbait is walking the backstage area for the first time in weeks. He is greeted with stares and confused faces::

 

Random OaOast Superstar #1: "If he's not gonna be here all the time, why even be here at all. I mean were full time wrestlers, not part time losers like him"

 

Random Superstar #2: "Yeah, I just don't understand his mindset, he first shows up, makes an impact is gone for weeks at a time. Its bull....."

 

::All of sudden, reject joins in the conversation::

 

Reject: "Hey, with his style of wrestling, the man needs a break."

 

Random Superstar #2: "What? The sacrifices we all make are just as much as he does. Why are you even standing up for him, weren't you on a the recieveing end of a loss from Jailbait?"

 

::With that, the wrestlers leave Reject alone. The mutual respect between the two high flyers has caused many within the locker room to lose respect for Reject.::

 

Reject: (Chasing) "Hey Jailbait! Jailbait."

 

Jailbait: "Hey, what you want homie? Step back for a second..."

 

Reject: "Hey, no harm done, I just want to ask you a couple of questions."

 

::Jailbait and Reject begin to talk as the camera pans off of the two::

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Walking Softly...Carrying Big Stick

 

("Shooter" Jay Darring is lying down on the couch in his apartment, bandages covering both of his entire arms. The apartment looks significantly more upscale than the last time we've seen it. The floors are clean, the furnishings-tables, chairs, even a coffee table- are all brand new. There's also a new big screen TV, playing "RF Video's Raven Shoot Interview" in the background.)

 

JAY:

"According to the Rule of Nines, a person has to have more than 20% of their total body surface area covered in major burns in order to die. Stephen Joseph, doctors informed me that as a result of that inferno match I came very close to that- 18% in fact, and guess what? YOU STILL COULDN'T BEAT ME."

 

"I have no idea why you decided to pick a fight with myself and Undisputed- maybe it was a part of a "divine plan" that only you in your deluded little mind understand. At first I took it as professional rivalry, and I always relish a challenge. But after you ended Christian's career, and made me spend a week with some very unattractive nurses in the intensive care ward, you made it very very personal. I have a North American title match in one week at School's Out with Andrew Hyland, someone who's difficult to beat at 100%, let alone in the shape I'm in. And while I should be focusing on that, right now I'm more concerned with hurting you."

 

"You've already failed in your attempt to flay me Hellraiser style, and now you're going to fail one more time tonight, in a straight-up wrestling match. I'm not going to break your body, I want my buddy Zack to have the pleasure of doing that at School's Out. I'm just going to break your mind. You've claimed forever that you are the best technical wrestler in OAOAST, and I'm going to strip that title from you tonight when I put you down 1...2...3. Stephen Joseph, get ready to deal with the harsh reality that I am the one opponent you just can't beat."

 

(As we fade out, we hear the video in the background- "Quote the Raven, nevermore.")

 

For every viewpoint, there is the other side

 

 

A camera pans through a confessional door, finding Stephen Joseph clad in cloak and hood, sitting in down illuminated in candlelight, flickering darkness and light across a tragic face.

 

"I call this my Anthem, Stanza Three"

 

Destiny compels us. Fate decides for us. These two come to teach the lessons of life, lessons that shall be fully understood in a few days. Of this I speak of School's Out, and in particular, the one man whom I have come to be binded towards. Mr. Zack Malibu, the man of light and myself, the so-called man of darkness the blind masses of rats tend to see me as today.

 

Oh Zack, this goes to you. How's this for unpredictability...Nothing in such a long time has captivated us so...the chase. MY chase for your soul...or rather, my attempt to save your soul. Still you deny you need saving.

 

The world, our fans, they are materialists, drinking their soft drinks, playing their games, listening to their "popular" music...its all a way to escape the non-material...its the spiritual matters that are the most troublesome isn't it...Isn't that what youre now about Zack? It's not that you have any one belief, any one desire, except to hold a 30 pound chunk of gold around your waist. That's all...

 

I mean, have we even see Allison recently. I imagine, like the rest of your trophies, she's at home looking all pretty while you flaunt the one thing that matters most. Something with no soul.

 

Zack, this has been all about you. My quest here since day one has revolved around you. I am your Saviour...not for you, but BECAUSE of you...BECAUSE OF THESE PEOPLE! THESE HEATHENS! WOE TO YOU ON THIS COMING BLOODY SUNDAY

 

BETRAYER! MURDERER! BACKSTABBER!

 

You are pardoned Sunday. Your sins washed away

 

Zack, all you have to do is admit to it. Admit that you are indeed merely obsessed with a tin of gold. The truth sets you free Zack.

 

Come Sunday, you will show everyone your true colors. And I will be virtuous in Victory! In Calvary!

 

The only thing YOU give a damn about is the TITLE. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS

 

You are Unforgiven too.

 

Kay Sirrah Sirrah

 

Sunday...Sunday the Anthem finishes playing

 

Sunday I finally rest.

 

Sunday...oh Bloody Sunday...

 

Purity Through Pain

 

Jay, Feel my Pain...

 

::Stephen Joseph gets up and walks off...towards the ring.::

 

::Ding, Ding, Ding::

 

"Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is set for ONE FALL! Introducing first..."

 

"The Fake Sound of Progress" blasts the arena, beckoning Jay "Shooter" Darring arrival. The crowd rises to its feet, building to a crashing cresendo of a POP when Jay indeed emerges from behind the AngleTron. Jay walks down to the ring, confident that he will win tonight, and confident he will beat Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland in a few short days at School's Out.

 

Slapping the hands of fans near the ringside, Jay takes awhile to get in...mainly because he's taped up across the stomach and right arm...burns still healing...

 

"Jay SHOOOOOOTTTEEERRRR DAAAAARRIINNNG!"

 

JR: That man is the next North American Champion Jesse! I can feel it.

 

Jesse: Only if he survives tonight JR...He very well nearly didn't last week.

 

"And the opponent..."

 

Boos and jeers fill the arena as it darkens, a somber mood setting in, a somber angst, anger if you will, as the low chords of "Come With Me" herald the arrival of one Stephen Joseph, "Saviour of the OaOasT"

 

And Stephen Joseph emerges, taking off his trenchcloak in process...revealing a Zack Malibu "Pissed Off Prep" shirt...

 

Joseph walks to the ring, bandaging on his elbows and slight puffiness on his left hand, aftereffects of the inferno match last week.

 

Jesse: More mind games from the master Jr...Look at that!

 

JR: He sickens me.

 

"STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPHEEEENNNNN JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSEPPPH!"

 

Both men square off in the ring, sizing each other up. Jay begins to clap...once, then he claps again, getting the crowd to start clapping along, each time closer, faster, louder, in a frenzy as the two men circle, hate and pain on their minds. Each time they circle the clapping gets louder, some stomp their feet, anxious to see the match finally get underway.

 

They go to lockup, Jay going for a traditional collar/elbow, but Joseph ducks and spins left to chop Jay in his sore stomach...The chops go higher now, forcing Jay back into the ropes...and Joseph rips Jay's shirt off...exposing redness, burns, and CONTINUES CHOPPING! Popick throws Jay off the ropes BELLY TO BELLY

 

STOPPED IN MIDAIR

 

ROCKBOTTOM!!!

 

Jay crashes hard into the mat, his body folding over like a very bad accordion. Joseph crawls over for the cover..

 

JR: I hate that this is over so quickly...

 

Jesse: He's DA MAN!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

3...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO! Jay got his foot on the rope...

 

Jesse: DAMMIT!

 

JR: Way to go kid!

 

Frustrated, Stephen slaps the ropes, pulling Jay up by his hair ever so slowly, a look of dementia imprinted on his face...Jay, for his part, seems quite out of it. As he is pulled up, Jay fires off a few rights into SJ's face, trying to fight the next move. Doing so successfully, Jay whips Joseph only to have the whip reversed, and Jay goes toward the opposite side...Popick follows after as Jay leaps onto the second rope and saults backwards, floating over Popick! Jay lands on his feet and locks a full-nelson in as he settles down to the ground...

 

QUICK SNAP FINALITY!!!

 

JR: Joseph's OWN MOVE might beat him! Jay's got him in the middle of the ring!

 

Jesse: No Dammit, Don't pin him!

 

Jay collapses across SJ's shoulders for a pinfall attempt.

 

1!

 

2!

 

Popick pulls his shoulder up! The Finality is simply more effective when the originator does it. But nevertheless, Jay pulls Popick right back to his feet...quick whip and Jay pulls Popick back...

 

AFTERTHOUGHT! JAY HITS THE AFTERTHOUGHT!

 

JR: Jay just wants this to be over...no man wants a long match

 

Jesse: Not after being burned like fried chicken!

 

Jay rolls across Joseph and hooks the far leg...getting the ref to count

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

WHAT THE HELL IS HYLAND DOING HERE?

 

HYLAND PULLS THE REF OUT AND DECKS HIM!

 

JR: What the Hell is going on Out Here?

 

Jesse: Run-ins JR! Run-ins!

 

Hyland and Jay start squabbling in the ring...Hyland pushes Jay...Jay pushes Hyland back...and Stephen Joseph tosses both out of the ring!

 

JR: He recovered fast...asshole.

 

Jesse: Not this!

 

Joseph turns around and stares down at

 

THE BLURRICANE! Stephen tries and backs up...but Jay is right there...Hyland has bailed and ran away! SJ is alone with the two men...

 

::Fade to Black, the arena does::

 

When the darkness fades, the three men are now five...the Infernales have joined in the fray, fighting with Jay and Blurricane in the ring whilst Popick takes a break from his hard efforts to enjoy the fruits of his divine followers

 

Until...

 

"Wake me up inside" wakes Popick up from his dream, and he tears it to the entranceway as Zack Malibu comes running out...They meet in the middle, fists a clubbering! Back in the ring, The Infernales double team Jay with brutal clotheslines until Blurricane crossbodies El Dandy!

 

JR: We're in total chaos and we've got to take a commercial break...Back after these words from our sponsors!

 

::Drink More Powerade::

Edited May 20, 2003 by Big Poppa Popick

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

JR: We're back on IntenseZone, and the match between Stephen Joseph and Jay Darring has evolved into a six man, no DQ tag match the Infernales, Zack Malibu, and the Blurricane!

 

SpiderPoet and Zack trading punches in the center of the ring, Poet with an irish whip, Zack ducks a clothesline, TRENDSETTER to a big pop! Zack picks Poet up, off the ropes, ZACK ATTACK! COVER!

 

1

 

2

 

NO! Poet barely gets the shoulder up before 3!

 

JR: Zack Malibu is getting this sold-out crowd riled up in a hurry.

 

Malibu tags back out to Jay, who immediately goes to work on the weakened Poet. Jay blocks a punch, roaring elbow staggers Poet, and Jay follows up with the STIFF~! Superkick! 1, 2, ....2.9!

 

JR: SpiderPoet is being DOMINATED in the early going!

 

Jesse: It's all part of the Trinity's game plan, you'll see.

 

"Neckbreaker!" Jay bounces off the ropes for a floating neckbreaker, but the ropes get pulled down by El Dandy! Jay crashes to the floor with a sickening thud.

 

Jesse: Great teamwork for the Infernales.

 

Stephen Joseph goes to argue with the referee over the legality of that move, while the Infernales pick up chairs and bash the fallen Jay across his bandaged arms Conchairto style! Jay is SCREAMING in agony!

 

Jesse: The Trinity once again proving they are the smartest group in wrestling!

 

Poet rolls Jay back out into the ring, tags in El Dandy. El Dandy immediately goes to work on the flayed arms of Jay, with an armbar takedown. Dandy follows up with a single-arm DDT, and heads to the outside- slingshot senton right on the arm!

 

Jesse: El Dandy is a wrestling MACHINE. Look at him pick apart the arm of Jay, and focus on the injury. Such a smart wrestler.

 

Dandy rolls Jay up with El Dandina, 1, 2.....2 and 9/10! Jay is visibly clutching his left arm.

 

Jesse: Even that pinfall put stress on the arm! What brilliance from El Dandy!

 

JR: Yeah, we get it already.

 

Dandy teases tagging out to Stephen Joseph, but Joseph simply laughs at Jay and pulls his hand back. Dandy tags out to SpiderPoet instead. Jay is struggling to his feet, but is PUT DOWN WITH A SPIDAHKICK!

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

3! No! Shoulder up!

 

Jesse: DAMMIT!

 

JR: What intestinal fortitude by the gutsy Shooter!

 

Poet slams Jay down, and spits on him!

 

JR: What disrespect- makes me sick.

 

Poet signals for the Spidahsault, takes his sweet time on the top rope, taunting the crowd, Spidahsault!

 

MISSES!

 

Poet shoots up to his feet, clutching his chest, Jay is up too- JAY HITS THE FORESHADOW! But his arm is further injured by the move, and he collapses in pain!

 

JR: Make the tag Jay, make the tag!

 

Jay crawling....so...slowly...to the corner for the tag- but is pulled back by El Dandy, the fresh man from the Trinity! Jay tries to punch back at Dandy, but Dandy blocks and hits a T-BONE SUPLEX! Dandy then follows up with a RUNNING LYGERBOMB!

 

1, 2, ....HAND ON THE ROPE!

 

Jesse: Oh, what a lucky break for Jay.

 

Dandy then tags into Poet, signalling for the Tilde-BANG~! Shoots Jay in for the Tilde-BANG~!, NO! Jay slips out, and instead of trying to fight, uses his last ounce for strength to make it to his corner and tag the BLURRICANE!

 

Blurricane downs Poet with a superkick, then he nails Dandy with a punch and shoots him into the ropes, BIG flying clothesline!

 

JR: The Blurricane is a house afire!

 

SpiderPoet is back up, but falls victim to Blurricane's floating neckbreaker! Dandy cuts off a Blurricane attack with a forearm to the back, Dandy spins him around, Blurricane blocks a punch, and charley horses Dandy with a roundhouse kick to the leg. Dandy is on his knees- SHINING BLACK BY THE BLURRICANE!

 

JR: THE BLURRICANE IS CLEANING HOUSE ON THE TRINITY! WHEN YOU NEED TO FIGHT SUPERVILLAINS, CALL A SUPERHERO!

 

Blurricane gives his goofy thumbs up to the crowd, and goes for the cover! 1, 2, Poet saves! The Infernales are grab Blurricane, whip him in, double clothesline ducked, DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! Stephen Joseph is in the ring, charges at the Blurricane, but he gets LAUNCHED out of the ring!

 

JR: THE BLURRICANE IS TAKING ON THE TRINITY BY HIMSELF, AND HE'S KICKING THEIR VILE ASS! THIS CROWD IS GOING BALLISTIC!

 

Blurricane tags out to Zack Malibu, then heads to the top rope for a dive to the outside on Stephen Joseph, but ORION has hit the ring, and and shoves Blurricane of the top rope! Blurricane goes CRASHING through the guardrail, breaking it in half!

 

JR: BY GAWD, BLURRICANE MAY HAVE BROKEN HIS RIBS COURTESY OF THAT DISGUSTING HUMAN BEING ORION!

 

Orion grabs the prone Blurricane and starts taking him to the back. Orion is at the entranceway when Jay dashes into the picture and cuts Orion off with a flurry of punches! But all of a sudden, Andrew Hyland is out and CRACKS Jay across the head with the North American title belt, busting him open and knocking him out!

 

"See this Jay! This is MY TITLE! You'll NEVER take this away from me! School's Out, I own you!"

 

Jesse: Andrew Hyland is reminding Jay that he's the best North American champ in history. Even more important, Malibu is now ALL ALONE against the Trinity!

 

Back in the ring, Malibu is signally for the POP DRIVER on SpiderPoet, but Poet low blows him! Poet takes the opportunity to tag in Stephen Joseph.

 

JR: Look at the cocky grin on his face, now he comes in when he has the overwhelming advantage.

 

Stephen Joseph motions to the Infernales, and they start to leave.

 

JR: The Infernales are leaving the ring!

 

Jesse: He wants to make a point, to prove that he is the better man, 1 on 1!

 

Joseph kicks Malibu in the balls again, adding insult to injury. Joseph picks up Zack, who's clearly in a lot of pain, and gets him with the Synchronicity Bomb!

 

1, 2,..........3-No! Malibu kicks out right before the 3!

 

JR: Malibu's still got a lot of fight left in him!

 

Joseph is heading outside while Zack is still down, and grabs his OAOAST World Title!

 

JR: He's gonna use that belt as a weapon!

 

Jesse: Duh

 

Joseph heads back into the ring, but Malibu trips him up with a martial arts sweep kick! He picks up the belt, and gets ready to use it on him.

 

Jesse: We're finally gonna see what a hypocrite Zack Malibu is, using a foreign object to win!

 

Popick slowly gets up, but Zack looks confused, he puts the belt down! Malibu tries for a bicycle kick, ducked by Stephen Joseph, he quickly picks up the belt and cracks him over the head with it. Malibu is out!

 

Jesse: What a wuss Malibu is for not using the belt.

 

JR: But you just called him a hypocrite for using the belt!

 

Jesse: Whatever.

 

Joseph's got him no, FALLEN ANGEL! He's not making the cover. ANOTHER FALLEN ANGEL! Stephen Joseph is still not making the cover!

 

JR: What's he doing, he's got Malibu beat!

 

Jesse: You'll see.

 

SJ heads to the outside, grabs something from under the ring and brings it in.

 

Jesse: Gasoline.

 

JR: Oh no, he's going to roast Malibu like he did Jay! SOMEBODY STOP HIM!

 

Stephen Joseph douses Malibu with gasoline, and pulls a match out of his pocket. He goes to strike the match- MALIBU WAKES UP, DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN BY ZACK MALIBU! HE FLIPS OVER INTO A PIN COVER!

 

1....

 

 

2......

 

 

3!

 

JR: OH MY GAWD, MALIBU WITH A MIRACLE VICTORY OVER STEPHEN JOSEPH!

 

RING ANNOUNCER: Your winners of the match, the Blurricane, Jay Darring, and ZACK MALIBU!

 

Stephen Joseph is in shock! He punts Zack in the balls one more time to down him, and pulls A BRANCH OF THORNS from his pants! He wraps the thorns around his hand, and as Malibu gets up, he NAILS Malibu with the thorn covered hand! Malibu is bleeding a gusher from the shot, and he collapses in pain, blood raining down his face from the cut!

 

JR: Malibu's got a crimson mask from the deadly thorn shot!

 

Stephen Joseph wipes the blood off Malibu's face- "Zack, tonight your blood is on my hands, and at School's Out, your soul will be saved."

Edited May 20, 2003 by Big Poppa Popick

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Brevity, Bliss, Belittlement

 

‘Headstrong’ hits and Orion hurriedly makes his way to the ring with the F13 Title in tow. Rolling into the ring, he asks for the mic.

 

ORION

All right, cut the music. Right now, right here, I’m going to put my F13 Title on the line in what will probably be my toughest defense yet!

 

JR

What’s he talking about, Jesse? This isn’t scheduled to be here tonight…

 

ORION

Tonight, I will face a man that I’ve said a lot of negative things about in the past. But now, I’ve decided to put up or shut up, and put it all on the line to back up what I’ve been saying. And now, my hand-picked opponent...

 

Reject’s music hits, and the crowd pops.

 

ORION

... “ROCK AND ROLL” BUCK ZUMHOFFE!

 

Out walks a balding, graying, paunchy man wearing a faded Elvis suit and carrying a boombox on his shoulder. The crowd lets out one collective groan.

 

(Meanwhile, in ‘The One and Only IZ! Thread’ at theoaoastmarks.com:

Malibusault: OMG!

welshvitaminxmark: ROCK AND ROLL RETURNS!)

 

JR

Well, Orion has again decided to pull another fast one on the fans here tonight, putting his ‘prestigious’ title on the line against a glorified jobb....

 

VENTURA

What are you talking about, JR? This man is a former light-heavyweight champion...

 

JR

Yeah, in 1981. In the AWA.

 

VENTURA

Yeah, but still...

 

Orion attacks the ancient Zumhoffe as he climbs into the ring and the bell sounds. Orion continues to stomp away on Buck’s lower back, then drops an elbow. He bounces off the ropes and baseball slides Zumhoffe in the side, knocking him to the outside.

 

JR

What is the point of this? Is Orion trying to prove something by beating up a senior citizen?

 

Orion picks up Zumhoffe by the neck and rolls him back into the ring and continues to stomp away at him. He drags him to the center of the ring, grabs Zumhoffe’s legs, and folds him into the Texas Cloverleaf! Zumhoffe submits immediately and the bell sounds

 

“The winner, and still F13 Champion....ORION!”

 

Orion still has Zumhoffe locked into the Cloverleaf and the referee tries unsuccessfully to pull him off. The bell rings repeatedly and Zumhoffe is motionless. The crowd’s loud boos fail to drown out Orion’s repeated shouting of “I AM THE MAN!”

 

JR

Oh come on! Will somebody stop this? That’s not even a...an active wrestler in there!

 

Suddenly, the crowd pops as Reject rushes down the ramp and into the ring. Orion drops Zumhoffe’s legs and immediately goes to swing at Reject. Reject sees it coming, however, and nails Orion with three successive right hands, sending Orion reeling into the ropes. Reject bounces off the opposite ropes and dropkicks Orion over the top to the floor. The crowd pops as the camera cuts between Reject posing on the top turnbuckle taunting Orion and Orion backing up the ramp with an angered look on his face.

 

JR

Finally, Orion gets his loud mouth shut up at the hands of Reject! Orion may have hell to pay for what he’s said!

 

********************************

 

The camera cuts to a locker room where-

ORION

Gimme that goddamned camera! (Speaking into camera) Listen here, Reject. You want to get involved in my business? You want to get in my face and try and show me up? Well tonight, you’ve pushed me too far! I challenge you to a match at School’s Out, and I WILL whip your ass and teach you just who the MAN is! And Reject....mark my words, at School’s Out you WILL Fade to Black.”

 

JR: Folks, last week, we saw once again a memorable WarZone segment between the self-proclaimed Puerto Rican Champion, Puerto Rican Lightning, and The Mad Cappa. When the show went off the air, the two continued fightning and tonight we have footage.

Jesse: We actually do?!!

JR: Yes Jesse. We would now like to present to you the conclusion of last week's brawl. Unedited and without our commentary. When we last left off, the two were brawling in a forest and now, ladies and gentlemen, here is the conclusion to this memorable brawl!

 

Cut to a forest. It is dark and there is no sound. At the bottom left hand corner of the screen reads "LAST WEEK". There is no sound for a few seconds until there are sounds of two men fightning. There is yelling and screaming. Soon, Puerto Rican Lightning and Mad Cappa appear on screen.

 

TMC and PRL are slugging it out. Both are fatigued and are in pain. The men continue slugging it out with their fists until TMC grabs Lightning and gives him a russian legsweep on the ground. There is hardly no light. The only light being provided is the light on the camera.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning and The Mad Cappa both get up. Cappa grabs Lightning, but PRL low-blows him. He goes for the P.R. Nightmare but Cappa pushes back and Lightning hits a tree. Cappa goes for a spear but Lightning moves out of the way....and Cappa hits the tree face first.

 

Cappa: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

PRL(breathing heavily): Mad.....Cappa.....I....hate.....you!

 

Dropkick on Cappa. Lightning grabs a branch off the ground as squirels and rabbits and all the other woodland creatures scurry out of the way. PRL swings the branch at Cappa who ducks....but PRL swings again and connects. He slams the branch on Cappa's back repeatley then climbs a tree.

 

FU Elbow Drop from a tree! PRL connects with a FU Elbow Drop off a tree but is in pain. He and Cappa both lie on the ground as an owl hoots and birds chirp.

 

The Mad Cappa slowly gets up. He grabs Puerto Rican Lightning but Lightning throws dirt in his face. Lightning DDTs Cappa on the ground. He picks him up again....and hits the Shining Wizard. He grabs Cappa...who lowblows him. Vertical Suplex and Cappa grabs Lightning again.

 

Cappa drags Lightning by his short hair through the forest. Both are tired and breathing heavily but continue. PRL tries to escape but Cappa holds on and drags him through the forest. Suddenly, the camera becomes filled with static and the screen goes black.

 

The camera comes back on and now Cappa and Puerto Rican Lightning are near a river. Cappa European Uppercuts Puerto Rican Lightning...who falls into the river! The Mad Cappa follows suit as PRL screams like a little girl.

 

PRL: HELP ME!!! HELP ME!!! I CAN'T SWIM! I CAN'T SWIM!!!

 

The Mad Cappa throws a right hand at PRL who falls instantly. He is screaming madly as Cappa laughs. Cappa bodyslams PRL into the water. He does a legdrop as PRL splashes water. Lightning goes for Cappa but Cappa ducks and hits a dropkick on him.

 

The Mad Cappa begins choking Puerto Rican Lightning. Both men are now soaking wet. Cappa grabs PRL and repeatly slams his face in the water trying to drown him. However, Lightning grabs Cappa and hits him with a stop sign he found in the water. Puerto Rican Lightning grabs some seaweed and begins choking TMC with it. But Cappa low-blows him and then low-blows him again for good measure.

 

The Mad Cappa spears PRL into the water as PRL screams. Cappa continues getting the best of PRL with punch after punch. Cappa grabs the same stop sign and hits P.R. with it. BUST A CAP!!! BUST A CAP!!! The Mad Cappa hits the BUST A CAP on Puerto Rican Lightning in the river!!!

 

Cappa grabs Lightning and drags him by his right arm out of the river. He drags him out and leaves him, unconscious, near the river. The Mad Cappa leaves as Puerto Rican Lightning is still knocked out from the BUST A CAP!!

 

Back in OaOasT arena

 

JR: What the....

 

Jesse: Another fax...Ohh its Ed!! Let's see what he's sending us!

 

[The Titantron goes black, with a dark figure being back-lit, obscuring his identity. Some vaguely familiar rock music can be heard softly in the background. The figure steps into the light, revealing himself as evenflowDDT.]

 

evenflowDDT

Every single one of you wanted me to die. I wanted me to die. But some sick fucker up there [points to the ceiling] wants me to stay. But I'm so tired. You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane. I'm so tired. I've been fighting and bleeding from day one. You know I'd give you everything I want for a little piece of mind. Oh wait. I have. Yet still, I'm so tired.

 

You can keep the power. You can keep the idols. You can keep it all. I have all I want. I have power all my own. Just let me sleep. Let me die. I'm so tired. I'll get you another day. Let me sleep. Why won't you let me sleep? Give me a fucking moment's rest. I deserve it. For I'm so very tired.

 

[evenflowDDT sighs heavily and steps back into the shadows as the music increases over the loud-speakers:

 

Is there something wrong she said

Of course there is, you're still alive she said

Oh do I deserve to be

Is that the question?

 

Before evenflowDDT appears to jab something into his arm and the feed abruptly cuts out

Edited May 20, 2003 by Big Poppa Popick

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Sometimes God's Greatest Gifts are unanswered prayers

 

JR: It says "Interview Time here..."

 

Jesse: Haven't we had enough of that ... ::He is cut off::

 

Cue: By_Myslf (Reanimation Remix) by Linkin Park

 

The electronic beeping serves as a guide for the arena's lights as they pulsate to match it. The bass drops in along with the guitar and the OAOAST Arena is rocking for a few moments, wondering what's going on before the music dies out with a faint scream in the background . . .

 

What do I do to ignore them behind me?

 

SPIDERPOET emerges from behind the curtain to tremendous boos and slowly . . . very slowly, makes his way towards the ring!

 

Do I follow my instincts blindly?

Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams

and give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?

Do I

sit here and try to stand it?

Or do I try to catch them red handed?

Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness

or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?

 

Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin

I make the right moves but I'm lost within

I put on my daily facade but then

I just end up gettin' hurt again

By myself.

 

SP slides in the ring and climbs the turnbuckle

 

I can't rely on myself

I ask why, but in my mind I'm fine

I can't rely on myself

 

I can't look around (it's too much to take in)

I can't hold on (when I'm stretched so thin)

I can't slow down (watching everything spin)

 

The music dies down and Spidey takes a mic as the lights come up.

 

SP

 

Last week I made a vow. A vow that I can only hope that I can live up to. Ever since that night . . . I've been having nightmares. Nightmares where my loved ones, few though they are, are senselessly murdered. Laid upon altars of self-righteousness, naked and cold. Their own fears applied to them in the form of weaponry, laying them open. Skulls are crushed, ribs broken, and organs are spilled in all their bloody glory.

 

I wake from these nightmares in a cold sweat. I sit up in whatever hotel room's bed I'm in, and I look around and I ponder the strange feeling of guilt. After all . . . they're just dreams right? I used to dream of better things, things of hope, things of purity. Now blood flows freely in my imagination, and it is my loved ones who supply. My mind is torn, my heart confused. Somewhere inside lies a hero, but the villain, the killer, the murderer, the hopeless victim controls me.

 

And I love it. It makes me feel ALIVE, it makes me feel REAL. All the ones who I love, who have REJECTED me, all the ones who need a taste of their own medicine. I pity myself that I cannot die, that their deaths in my dreams are more humane than the emotional death I die every morning. That their blood drains from them and the suffering ends, yet the bleeding of my heart continues on forever. If love is what saves us, then I know not what it is. I am unsaved, I am enthroned upon a heart that bleeds and screams and gnaws at it's own limbs to try and cut off the pain. I don't know where I've yet to go, but I no longer care where it is. I will be a machine, I will destroy all in my path. I vow now that love will NEVER, EVER BE A FUCKING DETERRENT FOR ME AGAIN. I WILL NEVER FAIL YOU AGAIN, STEPHEN . . . never . . .

 

(The lights flicker and go out, and a sound of crackling flame comes over the sound system. A vision appears on the screen, a vision that stuns SpiderPoet . . . stuns him so badly that he stumbles backwards and drops the mic. He loses his balance and falls backwards, never tearing his eyes away from the screen.

 

 

THE POET MUST DIE

 

The camera returns to Poet, who stares wide eyed at the screen as we fade away to commercial)

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Deja Vue

 

::The fax machine fires up again::

 

JR: For Christ's...

 

Jesse: And yes...THE MAN IS BACK!!!

 

::Screen goes to black. Words suddenly pop onto the screen...::

 

ONCE IN A LIFETIME

 

::The words slowly disappear. The promo continues with more words::

 

A PERFORMER SO TALENTED

 

 

REVERED BY MILLIONS

 

 

COMES ALONG

 

 

LADIES & GENTLEMEN

 

ITS

 

BANKY

 

::The screen suddenly turns to black. Walk on the Wild Side begins to play. Silver bolts of lightening shoot through the screen, as the image of Banky appears::

 

"The time is getting closer. Before you all know it, Banky will be there, in the flesh, to save your typically boring lives. Right now I am putting the final touches on my new album. Dare I say this album will change music as we know it today. I have enlisted many surprise guests to play on it, and well, I have to entertain them like the gracious host I am. Therefore, I can't debut here tonight. I know you are all sad, I know you're all hurt, but don't worry - my true debut will make all of this mediocre bullshit you're sitting through tonight worth it. Haha, just the priveledge of seeing me via a television screen makes it worth the price of admission. So saddle up, buy some twizzlers and a beer, watch this crap...and anxiously wait for the Pay Per View. I know it will be an agonizingly long 6 days, but c'mon, it'll be worth it. For at the Pay Per View

 

::He smirks::

 

I will make my debut!!!!!

 

::Gets up out his chair and does a little dance::

 

You know how excited I am? Do you? No words can truly define the excitement running throu....

 

::There is a voice in the background. As Banky looks over, he gets up out his chair::

 

Heeeey! Yoakam, Good to see ya Budday!!!

 

::You can hear them exchanging pleasentries. Time begins to pass as the sounds of voices fade away. The crowd awaits Banky's re-appearence. The Camera suddenly shuts off. Words Appear on the sceen::

 

GIVE BANKY A ROUND OF APPLAUSE!!!

 

::cut back to oaoast arena, where Jesse is standing on the announce table cheering and appluading::

 

JR: Get down from there!

 

Jesse: BANKY! BANKY! BANKY!

 

JR: Someone, cut to something...please

 

: J.O.B. squad and B.O.B. squad are shown entering the building:

 

: Damian Gonzalez stops them and asks:

 

DG: where have you two been and why were you two not here last week.

 

j.o.b. Well that is a good story and here is an explanation.

 

: Flashback showing a non-descript barn starts up:

 

: All of a sudden the flashback switches from a farm scene to an announcer that says:

 

announcer: the flashback sequence that was put in this time slot by iz has been censored do to obscene amounts of violence nudity and sex with select farm animals.

 

: switches back to scene with Damian and job and bob squads:

 

J.O.B. squad: “see after that we were arrested some law against sex with non-humans. But we were let go on a technicality. That technicality being we could not tell that those farm animals were not women. We thought that they were women.”

 

B.O.B. squad: “real ugly women”

 

J.O.B. squad: “You see it is hard for us to see out of these masks and it was dark. So can you let us go now we have to go confront the person who caused us to no longer be gods but co-gods and the kung fu vampire hos”

 

DG: “ok I guess”

 

: J.O.B. squad and B.O.B. squad continue into the arena:

 

Yet another hype package we paid for...Deal with it.

 

The following footage is shown in black and white. Guns N Roses "Mr. Brownstone" plays while the action is shown.

 

A half-Japanese, half-white man is shown Yakuza Kicking a Japanese man in the face and then screams at him.

 

 

The same man is shown putting another man in the STF in the middle of the ring and the victim taps.

 

 

The same man is shown grabbing an opponent by the side, bringing the victim out in front of him, and then dropping to his knees, dropping him on his head.

 

A still photo is shown of the man who just did all these things. Underneath it reads:

 

 

Dangerous A has plundered the Orient. He is now looking to plunder the OAOAST.

 

 

On May 25th the Scourge of the Orient, Dangerous A, appears for the first time in the OAOAST at School's Out. Only on PPV!

 

Yay...woohoo...Go buy our stuff...

 

: scene cuts to the ring:

 

: all of a sudden out from the crowd comes the person who interrupted the i.o.u. vs. l.o.l. tag match:

 

it grabs the microphone and says“J.O.B. squad and B.O.B. squad you wanted a piece of me well come and get us”

 

:: J.O.B. squad and B.O.B. squad appear on the entrance ramp job squad has his own mic::

 

j.o.b.: “who exactly are you and why did you interrupt our match”

 

masked person: “You see I am you and you two are me just not exactly”

 

j.o.b. and b.o.b. squad: (in unison) “huh!?!?!?!?”

 

masked person: “you see I am you even eviler one eyed Canadian female clone c.y.c. squad and I could not bare to see that goody two shoes bob squad representing true evil”

 

j.o.b. squad: “shall our minions do battle with each other.”

 

c.y.c. squad: “might as well”

 

: ninjas charge the ring and get cut off by the kung fu vampire hos they slaughter each other while:

 

:c.y.c. squad escapes thru the crowd and j.o.b. squad and b.o.b. squad escape thru the entrance way:

 

We cut to a dark room. It is dark. Nothing can be seen because it is dark. Some sounds can be heard, but you cannot see what they are because it is dark. A clock ticks, but the time cannot be seen because it is dark. However, Masked Man can be seen. Even though it is dark.

 

Everything happens for a reason.

 

The bees chirp to warn people about incoming French. Bells ring in high school to stop teenagers from giving blowjobs in a laboratory. And the Masked Man comes to the OAOAST to win.

 

If that which is not real does not happen, then why is my diaphragm moving up and down? I am the reason history is doomed to repeat itself.

 

If history doesn't repeat, then does everything begin anew? Deja vu.

 

The moles burrow through the sand at roughly 5:56 AM. Why don't they do it a minute later? Circadian Rhythm.

 

Using reverse psychology in a wrestling match is akin to battle scars worn from the war on the French in 1493. Why bother? It's the Germans and their filthy beer.

 

Having sex with a sibling is fun, but why bother when there's the grandparents of the home lying in a coffin listening to Beethoven while chirping the sweet, sweet sounds of a pot smoker inhaling her daily stash?

 

I once asked what it meant to win. I refuse to cover my scar tissue, only my face. My face must be kept a secret to remind people of what once was. Next week on the IntenseZone I will make my grand debut. And it will be good.

 

But if Stephen Joseph wins the Women's Championship from Treble Sault, what will happen to the entropy of the Universe? Will it be expected and go down, or unexpected and rise to unseen levels since Richard Nixon's famous Gettysburg Address?

 

 

Who knows.

 

 

Who knows.

 

Cut to the backstage area. The handsome face of Puerto Rican Lightning appears on the screen enticing boos from the crowd. The "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" chants begin afterward. PRL is by himself and carrying the Puerto Rican Championship over his left shoulder. He is wearing his Puerto Rico flag bandanna and glasses and smiling evily. With him is IntenseZone interviewer Kevin Kelly.

 

Kevin Kelly: Puerto Rican Lightning, we have just seen the footage from last week. When we left off, you were down on the ground following The Mad Cappa's BUST A CAP. How were you able to be here tonight following what happened last week?

 

The crowd boos PRL as PRL motions to Kelly. Kevin Kelly moves a little. PRL just smiles.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning: Oh Kevin. Dear Kevin. Your stupidity continues to amaze me. Sure, I admit that Cappa got the best of me last week but what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. After Cappa's attack, he left and 10 seconds after that camera turned off I was back on my feet. I'm serious. Cappa's BUST A CAP had no effect on me. I just shook it off like I was a dog and had fleas. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!

 

Kevin Kelly:Well anyway, this Sunday at School's Out, you will be involved in a Fatal Four-Way Elimination Match for #1 Contendership of the OaOasT North American Championship. Involved in that match will be yourself, J.O.B. Squad, The Blurricane, and your nemesis, The Mad Cappa.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning: WHAT?!!! Cappa's going to be in it too! No one told me that part! AAAHH--Uh---go on. You were saying?

 

Kevin Kelly: How are you preparing for this bout?

 

PRL: How am I preparing for this bout? Kevin Kelly, you shouldn't be asking ME how I am preparing. For you see, Kevin Kelly, I don't need to prepare for my matches. I am SOOOO damn talented, and SOOOO naturally great that I have great matches without ever needing to train. I'm so damn great that I could wake up and have a 5 Star Classic while in my pajamas. I have been more sucessful in my first 3 months in the OaOasT then any other superstar in professional wrestling history! And the best part is, I'm not done yet. This Sunday, I will be getting what I deserved and that is a shot at the North American Championship. Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland has been ducking me since Living Anglelously but when I beat Blurricane, J.O.B. Squad and....Mad Cappa....he will have no choice but to face me! The Puerto Rican Champion and heroes to millions in Puerto Rico! And when the dust settles and the crowd has quiet down, you will be looking at the next and GREATEST OaOasT North American Champion EVER!!! HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

 

The crowd boos. Chants of "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" can be heard from the fans.

 

Kevin Kelly: PRL, the question on everyone's mind since AngleMania has been "When will you finally face The Mad Cappa one-on-one?"

 

PRL's smile fades. He gulps as the fans cheer and chant "Mad Cap-pa! Mad Cap-pa! Mad Cap-pa!" PRL's smile turns into a angry grin.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT MAD CAPPA!!! That no talent no good street punk has been a thorn on my side ever since I got here! Well, Kevin Kelly, I got news for ya: He WON'T BE GETTING A TITLE SHOT!!! The Mad Cappa is a coward. He uses sneak attacks and never faces me head on! He's half the wrestler I am and 1/3 the man I am. If CRAPPA had any real balls he come right now and face me man-to-man! But is he here? NOOOO! Why? Because HE'S A COWARD!!! HE'S NOTHING BUT A COWARD and this Sunday I will prove to the world that I am the better man when I specifically eliminate the piece of crap in the Fatal Four-Way Match! I am going to teach the punk a lesson...you should never mess with Lightning! I will hurt him and I will--AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

 

The Mad Cappa rushes into the interview area and attacks Puerto Rican Lightning. Kevin Kelly moves out of the way as Cappa spears PRL through the set. Cappa begins laying lefts and rights to Lightning to the cheers of the crowd. Suddenly, road agents and security come in and grab the two. Cappa holds on to Puerto Rican Lightning's head but is soon seperated. The crowd boos as PRL and TMC are taken away by security.

 

JR: And this feud has gotten even better!

Jesse: Why they stop them! Let them fight!

JR: I think they made the right move. The Mad Cappa and Puerto Rican Lightning will tear each other apart. They need to be saved for School's Out this Sunday.

Jesse: I am getting more and more pumped up for School's Out JR. These two men absolutely despise each other and when they are in the same ring at the same time look out. They are going to blow the roof off the joint!

JR: Who knows what's next for The Mad Cappa and Puerto Rican Lightning!

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Damn...Rejects..

 

::As Jailbait and Reject come to an end to their conversation, Reject beings to pry deeper and deeper into Jailbait's past. The questions that are asked make Jailbait feel rather uncomfortable and his normal "street thug" image is broken down::

 

Reject: "You know that we come from a similar background. The streets aren't a place to master our crafts. Wrestling is our passion man, why do you let your personal demons come between you and your dreams?::

 

::Jailbait is visably moved by these questions, but doesn't answer. The wall is still up on why Jailbait has been absent from television tapings and PPV's::

 

Reject: "Come on dawg, ya know that I get all this street thug nonsesne, I been there, you know this, so why even put up this wall?"

 

::Jailbait continues to not answer and is seemingly getting irritated by Reject's continuing questioning::

 

Reject: "If youre not going to answer me, then everything the boys been saying is true"

 

Jailbait: ".....What?"

 

Reject: "That you ain't nuthin' but a worthless son of a bitch from the streets who ain't never gonna amount to...."

 

::Jailbait reaches across and grabs Reject by the throat. Reject then takes Jailbait down to the ground and the fight is on! Jailbait throws wild punches as Reject dodges. Reject finally lays Jailbait out with a left hook to the jaw::

 

Reject: (Breathing Heavily) "I guess it isn't true, you do amount to something. How bout a match kid? You and Me, at School's Out. We'll see if you have what it takes to hang with the OaOast for real this time. By the way, this match, i should fit you just well; It's gonna be a Mexican Death Match. See ya Sunday kid."

 

::The compassion that Reject had for Jailbait seemingly evaporated as soon as Jailbait laid a hand on him. Will Jailbait even show up to the match after being disrespected like this?::

 

OAOAST NORTH AMERICAN TITLE

TRIPLE THREAT RULES

 

Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland vs Mystery Eskimo vs JINGUS

 

Verdi's"Reqium" fills the arena as our favourite no selling devil monster emerges from under the Angle-tron, enjoying his hoss-tile reception (sorry).

 

JR: The fans were just taking to JINGUS before he turned on Mystery Eskimo, but it seems he enjoys feeling their disgust!

 

As JINGUS reaches the ring, the music gets heavier and we're getting "Too Cold", as Mystery Eskimo emerges through his wall of white pyro,getting a big reaction and slapping the fans hands as he walks confidently towards the ring. Eskimo slides in as the fans react, but the former tag team champions keep their distance.

 

Jesse: Eskimo's scared. He wants to wait for "His Hero" to get in there to take some of JINGUS's attention away from him.

JR: Well why isnt JINGUS attacking?

Jesse: He doesnt want to pull a muscle.

 

"Also Sprach Zaruthsra" (sp?) welcomes the NA champion, Andrew Hoyland, to the ring. He grins to the fans and points to the shiny belt around his waste.

 

JR: The OAOAST booking commitee was not kind to the champ here! A triple threat match against two very dangerous, and right now very volatile, opponents!

Jesse: But Hoyland is smart. He can let Eskimo and JINGUS rip each other apart, then pick up the pieces.

 

Andrew jumps into the ring, but doesnt get a chance to take off his jacket before both Eskimo and JINGUS jump him, double teaming him with punches and then a double clothesline to the outside as the ring bell sounds!

 

JR: Mah gawd! The MWC are back together!

 

Eskimo and JINGUS turn to each other.

 

JR: Hug! Hug!

 

Eskimo and JINGUS leap at each other to a pop from the crowd, which gets hotter as Eskimo starts sending hard punches into JINGUS's kidneys. JINGUS appears to be trying to bite through the ear of Eskimo.

 

Jesse: You're so stupid Jim Ross. They just didnt want Hoyland in the way.

 

Andrew stands outside the ring and shrugs, watching the two former friends tearing at each other. They at last break free and JINGUS nearly decapitates Eskimo with a lariat,dragging him back up and signalling for a CLAWSLAM, but Hoyland jumps into the ring and attacks JINGUS from behind. Eskimo is dropped, and Andrew plants JINGUS with a DDT. The cover only gets 1 however, as JINGUS sits up and growls.

Andrew looks shocked, and shoves Eskimo into the path of the monster.

 

JR: Now thats just cowardly

Jesse: I don't see you fighting JINGUS, Jim Ross.

 

Eskimo ducks another vicious lariat and lands a pair of Penguin Kicks. Hoyland joins Eskimo in stomping JINGUS down, but as soon J is forced to one knee, Andrew hits a neckbreaker on Eskimo for 2. JINGUS gets back up and powerslams Hoyland for 2 of his own.

 

JR: High paced action here tonight folks. JINGUS and Eskimo want to destroy each other, but they can't forget that big NA title prize up for grabs.

 

JINGUS picks up Eskimo and whips him into the corner, charging in with a shoulder to the face of Eskimo. The icy challenger stumbles out but eats a big boot for a count that Andrew breaks up at 2. Andrew grabs a headlock on JINGUS, but gets pushed off into the ropes. Andrew ducks a forearm shot and tries a running bodypress, but J just catches him and turns it into a DVD! The cover, 1, 2, Eskimo breaks it up.

 

Eskimo takes J down with an arm bar, trying to control the Devilman, but JINGUS throws him off. Eskimo tries to clip the leg of J, but the monster evades him and just hurls him into the turnbuckle, where Eskimo appears to hit his head on the ringpost!

 

JR: What impact! Eskimo has got to be out COLD!

Jesse: Leave the jokes to me, Ross.

 

JINGUS goes to remove the prone Eskimo, but Andrew is up and gets a german suplex on J from behind! Hoyland tries for another but JINGUS elbows out, ducks round Hoyland and plants him with a reverse DDT. JINGUS again turns to Eskimo, pulling him out and covering, 1, 2, NO! Eskimo somehow kicks out. JINGUS shrugs and goes to throw him into the post again, but Eskimo comes alive and drags J down into the FROSTBITE FACELOCK~!

 

JINGUS tries to power out but Eskimo has it locked in. JINGUS's hand is raised, but Hoyland pulls Eskimo off and locks in his own Facelock! Eskimo pulls Hoyland off in turn and re-applies his Frostbite! Hoyland grabs Eskimo away a second time, but JINGUS is up and CLAWSLAMS Hoyland!

 

The cover, 1, 2, Hoyland kicks out just as Eskimo breaks it up.

 

JR: JINGUS looks to have been weakened by those Frostite attempts by both opponents, he didnt get all his strength into that clawslam.

 

Eskimo takes over on JINGUS, nailing a pair of quick snap suplexes, but the effort of moving the big man delays him getting to the top rope. When Eskimo jumps off with a Flying Icicle Headbutt, JINGUS pulls himself away, but Eskimo crashes onto Andrew Hoyland who had rolled into Eskimo's flight path! Both Eskimo and Hoyland look hurt by the collision, and JINGUS covers Hoyland for 2, then Eskimo for 2.

 

The big red J picks up Hoyland for a DEVILBOMB, but Eskimo clips his leg from behind, and as Hoyland his the mat traps him in the FROSTBITE! Andrew starts to scramble and gets a leg on the bottom rope. Eskimo breaks, but as Andrew gets up kicks him in the gut and nails the Break of the Ice! Cover, 1...2...JINGUS breaks it up!

 

JINGUS grabs Eskimo up and hits him with a shin breaker. The hoss follows up with another one,followed by a dropped knee to the same body part, leaving Eskimo grasping his leg. JINGUS puts on his STF and Eskimo shouts in pain.

 

Andrew Hoyland stands back, watching Eskimo's arm carefully.

 

Jesse: Good thinking. He's ready to break it up if Eskimo looks like tapping, but otherwise he can take a breather and watch one of his opponents get hurt.

 

Eskimo doesn't tap, but looks to be fading, so Andrew drops a leg across the neck of JINGUS, following up with a brainbuster that gets a 2 count. Hoyland throws JINGUS out and puts a figure four leglock on Eskimo, putting more pressure on that injured leg! Eskimo tries to reach the ropes as the crowd gets behind him.

 

Eskimo changes tactic and tries to reverse the leglock, but its unnecessary as JINGUS comes back in and knocks the heads of Hoyland and Eskimo together to break the hold!

 

Both men are staggered, and Hoyland falls into the arms of JINGUS for a HELLBUSTER! 1,2, Eskimo breaks it up at 2.99!

 

JR: So close to a new NA champion! A tremedous effort by all three men, who has something left to win this one?

Jesse: Not Eskimo. His leg is hurt bad, Jim Ross.

 

Eskimo is limping a little as he tries to move JINGUS into a suplex, but big J reverses it to a belly to back suplex and slaps on the STF again! Eskimo is near to tapping...Andrew tries to pull himself up on the ropes...Eskimo's hand falls!

 

Jesse: Eskimo tapped! He tapped!

JR: No, he's passed out from the pain!

 

The referee goes to check Eskimo's arm again, but Hoyland trips him up, grabbing his ankle. The delays enables Andrew to get up and prise JINGUS off Eskimo, who lies out cold on the mat.

 

Andrew and JINGUS face off, knowing whoever gains the advantage now will have Eskimo for an easy 3 count.JINGUS tries for a forearm, but Andrew ducks and locks in a full nelson on the monster. Andrew tries to bring him over in a Dragon Suplex, but JINGUS won't go. They struggle in the centre of the ring, not noticing that Eskimo is getting up, not as badly hurt as they thought. Eskimo sees Hoyland and JINGUS and dropkicks JINGUS in the face! The impact sends J over in the Dragon Suplex, and Hoyland somehow holds the bridge!

 

1!

2!

 

 

3!

 

 

Hoyland releases the bridge and collapses.

Eskimo holds his leg and drops to one knee.

 

JR: Mah gawd, what a move! Eskimo dropkicked JINGUS right into that Dragon Suplex!

Jesse: Andrew Hoyland retains and he is a deserving champion. but Eskimo showed he cannot beat JINGUS on his own! At School's Out, JINGUS is going to rip Eskimo LIMB FROM LIMB! I can't wait to see what he has on his Wheel!

 

JINGUS is getting up, as Hoyland slides out and up the ailse, clutching his title gratefully. J growls and grabs Eskimo, who is to weak to fight him off and gets planted HARD with a DEVILBOMB!

JINGUS slides out and reaches under the ring, coming out with the WHEEL! But the wheel is wrapped in barbed wire...JINGUS throws it into the ring and sets it up in a corner. He grabs Eskimo and a mic...

 

JINGUS: So you helped some punk get a pin on me? Whatever. Allow me to introduce you to the instrument of your destruction...of course, I'll have to get another one made now...

 

JINGUS laughs evily as he HURLS Mystery Eskimo through the centre of the wheel. Eskimo is stuck and scratched by the wire, lying out cold in the wreckage. JINGUS leaves the ring, posing to the crowd as EMT's check on Eskimo.

 

JR: BAH GAWD! That was heinous!

Jesse: That's nothing. Wait to see what's actually ON that Wheel. I have inside information.

JR: Whatever it is, I fear for the life of Mystery Eskimo, but he is a tremedous athlete, and if anyone can stop JINGUS, it will be him! We'll find out, at School's Out!

 

::Cut to the back...where Stephen Joseph stands in front of a camera::

 

SJ: I wanted to get the last word in. Come Monday, your soul will be saved. Poet, Dandy, we must go.

 

Dandy: How can you be so sure?

 

::SP and SJ glare at him::

 

SJ: Because young one, Sunday HE IS COMING. OUR SAVIOR IS REBORNE! OHHH JAAA

 

SP: Not here...Say not his name here.

 

SJ: Good call...They are...unworthy to hear his name.

 

::Fade Out::

 

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Credits:

 

People who did stuff:

 

SpiderPoet

Banky

Dangerous Alliance

Kanadian Krusty

JOB Squad

MJB

Eskimo

Jay Darring

Stephen Joseph

Bannable Offense

Sonic Youth

Evenflow

Masked Man

Jailbait

Orion

 

People who designed stuff:

 

SpiderPoet

 

Produced by: Stephen Joseph

 

All Rights Reserved, bitch!

 

Compliments...Complaints...in the Feedback thread!

Edited May 20, 2003 by Big Poppa Popick