OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 5/22/03

[Guest Zack Malibu]

PREVIEW:

 

HeldDOWN~! comes to you live tonight from the same unnamed arena we fight in every week!

 

With School's Out this weekend, many of the HeldDOWN~! stars are getting tense, as their matches approach. What will happen when Caboose and Mister Warrior run into each other again? With they continue to butcher the English langauge, and perhaps form a langauge of their own?

 

Anglesault and Some Guy will meet in a 2/3 falls match this Sunday, but word has it they don't want to wait that long! The same goes for The Dream Machines, who promise a special surprise tonight for the stable of Totally Endorsed!

 

All this and more happens within the hour!

[Guest Zack Malibu]

 

"Hold Me Down" by Tommy Lee plays over the opening graphics, as OAOAST HeldDOWN~!, the best brand in the land, presents their flagship program! We join our usual hosts already at the commentating position.

 

 

Cole:"Hello everyone, and welcome to HeldDOWN~!, reknowned by wrestling critics everywhere!"

 

Coach:"Is there such a thing as a wrestling critic?"

 

Cole:"Sure there is, we call them smarks! Anyways, folks, we have a great show in store for you, as...as I'm about to get cut off anyhow, so I'll shut up."

 

*I Ran (From Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, now on PC) plays as Totally Endorsed makes their way to the ring. Calvin leads the troops with the 24/7 belt around his waist and Slacker and Terry Simmons follow with Slacker wheeling a table with tomatoes on it and Terry demonstrating the awesome cutting ability of the Miracle Blade III. Candie and Colvid bring up the rear, playing Pokemon Ruby on their linked Gameboy Advance SP’s. They all hit the ring and Calvin gets the mic.*

 

Calvin: Once again, Totally Endorsed welcomes you to HeldDown!!

 

*A mix of boos and cheers comes from the crowd as the mic goes to Candie*

 

Candie:

 

Brought to you by Subway. Subway: Eat Fresh!

 

*Crowd boos as Colvid gets the mic*

 

Colvid:

 

This TE appearance comes to you courtesy of the fine people at Nike and Michelin Tires: because you have a lot riding on your tires.

 

*A “TE Sucks!” chant rises from the crowd as Calvin takes the mic back.*

 

Calvin:

 

As you have seen, we at Totally Endorsed continue to strive to make HeldDown the BEST program that the OaOast has to offer, and we are happy at the feedback we are getting from you fans. I personally got stopped on my way to the local Gap today by a fan who absolutely LOVED the new ring we unveiled a few weeks ago and wondered what would be next? As you saw last week, we have decided that the superstars of HeldDown needed a bit of our Midas touch. Our own Terry Simmons took photos of our work using his CANON PowerShot digital camera. Please direct your attention to the Minute Maid HeldTron and take a look at the results.

 

*The screen shows pictures of the various “improvements” TE made last week, including Parka’s redecorated El Camino and Peter Knight’s logo covered body laying in the women’s shower. The whole of TE smiles and Calvin continues*

 

Calvin:

 

Now, most of the HD superstars loved the new direction we have brought to the show. However, the two men you saw at the end of that presentation, the Dream Machines, apparently didn’t.

 

*The screen shows the ending to last week’s eight man tag, where the Machines started a brawl with TE*

 

Calvin:

 

We wanted to speak to them tonight in order to clear the air, but it seems they, as the song goes, (singing) “Ran, they ran so far awaaaaay. They just ran, they ran all night and dayyyyy” (normal voice) instead of meeting us face to face. That’s okay, though. I’m hurt a little, but if they want to hide, that’s fine; maybe we’ll see them at the PPV. On the brighter side, Candie has a special surprise for you all.

 

*Mic goes to her*

 

Candie:

 

Tonight, at the end of HeldDown, you ALL are invited to a special Totally Endorsed autograph session, sponsored by our favorite company, Pepsi Cola! Come meet your favorite member and have your picture taken, all for a small monetary fee that will help support our efforts. Since we are expecting a large turnout, we chose one of the biggest and best stores in the world to hold it, the Super WalMart just one mile from the arena!! Come one, come all!!

 

*Mic goes to Terry Simmons, who speaks quickly*

 

Terry:

 

No purchase necessary, offer good only in the contiguous 48 states (except for Utah, Wyoming, and Minnesota). Employees of Pepsi, Walmart or the OaOast and their children are exempt from this promotion. Photos may not actually feature members of Totally Endorsed, their associates or affiliates. If you can read this, you don’t need glasses, so there.

 

*Mic to Candie*

 

Candie:

 

In fact, we have a camera already at the store to show you what awaits on this special night!

 

*The Tron shows that the storefront has been “altered” slightly: A large Pepsi logo hangs between the entrance and exit doors and a large group picture of TE fills the windows. As the cameraman goes inside, a few workers are pushing life size cardboard cutouts of TE members on carts and setting them up next to the autograph table. Suddenly, the sound of loud, distant, music fills the air and the cameraman quickly goes back outside. A pair of headlights shines in the distance and approach as the music gets louder. A repainted El Camino pulls up to the curb and PK, Parka and Eddy Kalm pile out with duffle bags in hand. In the arena, the crowd pops for the Machines while TE looks surprised. PK speaks to the camera.*

 

PK:

 

What’s up guys? Parka and I found out about this little party you are throwing tonight and decided to get hear early and find a good seat. (Looks around) Hey, not bad, like what you’ve done here. I prefer to do my shopping at Target though (PK reaches into his bag and pulls out a Target logo and sticks it on the window of the store). What do you think, Parka?

 

*Parka walks into the store and looks around*

 

Parka:

 

Eh, this isn’t that great of a store. Now Best Buy, THAT place has a big selection and low prices, plus the name rhymes, unlike something stupid like (dopey voice) ‘Wal-Mart’. (He slaps a Best Buy logo on the wall). Hey, check this out, PK.

 

*PK joins Parka as they look over the cutouts of TE*

 

PK:

 

Almost lifelike, huh? Just as stiff and ugly as they really are. Well, except Candie. With her, being stiff is a GOOD thing.

 

*The crowd laughs and Candie looks disgusted. Calvin is ready to kill someone*

 

Calvin:

 

What the hell are you two doing!?!? We spent a lot of money setting all that up!!!! What, you guys want a fight? Come back here and let’s see what we can do.

 

Parka:

 

Well, we already drove all this way and you guys were already planning to come here anyway, so why don’t we shift the festivities here? That way, we can give you a sound and severe ass kicking, sponsored by the favorite beverage of the Dream Machines….

 

*They both reach into their bags and pull out Coca Cola logos, plastering them on all the cutouts. They then pull out 2 liter bottles of Coke*

 

Both:

 

Coca-Cola!! (They both take long pulls from the bottles and let out a satisfied “Aaaaahh!”)

 

*Calvin is SEETHING and motions his stable mates to follow him as he sides out of the ring and runs up the ramp, TE in tow. The crowd pops at their exit.*

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Cole:"We're back, and man have the Dream Machines gotten under the skin of T.E. here tonight. I'll bet..."

 

Coach:"Michael, you're about to be cut off again. Listen."

 

Boom, party time as the Deep bass guitar of seven nation army begins to play, the arena goes silent in amongst the dark green pyro, Oh my The Beard is making his way down to the arena.

 

Cole: the crowd are cheering for the one they call The Beard

 

Coachman: Damn he's got a mighty long beard, but why is he here

 

Cole: I think hes here to lay the held down on Andre the Midget

 

Coachman: this should be interesting especially after the antics of last week.

 

The Beard enters the squared circle to a small pop, and grabs the microphone.

 

Beard: This time last week i was introduced to you, the newest member of the Held Down roster, and damn i was excited about coming out here to introduce myself, but i was attacked by a nobody called Andre The Midget

 

(the crowd start to boo at the sound of his name)

 

Beard: I'm not one to moan, because i usually finish off my guys there and then, but he had to kick my ass with another guy called pedro roma.

 

(the Beard begins to look more and more focused and with a booming voice shouts)

 

Beard: why don't you get your asses out here!

 

(the beard takes off his jacket and pumps himself up)

 

(Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies begins to sound over the arena, met by huge boo's from the crowd

 

the beard looks towards the entrance ramp but is attacked from behind by ATM and pedro roma

 

ATM grabs the mike

 

ATM: your so stupid The Beard, everyone knows i come from the crowd

 

Boom ATM hits the acid drop and leaves The Beard in the centre of the ring.

 

Cole: Oh my god his body is broken in half

 

Coachman: what does this mean, ATM is gonna be in for a hell of a ride when The Beard manages to catch up on him.

 

(Rather than cut to commercial, the OAOAST logo flashes on the screen.)

 

 

Voice:It doesn't matter what the critics say.

 

Mad Matt walks into the shadows.

 

Mad Matt:Just because someone wrestles exclusivly in one style doesn't mean they can't. Anyone should have a couple of secondary styles just in case they wrestle an opponent who is better than them in a style.

 

Mad Matt walks over to the wrestling ring in the gym.

 

Mad Matt:I try to hone any style I can. Whether it be technical wrestling, high flying, old school, submission, martial arts, or brawling. That doesn't mean that I am an expert at all of those. It doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down, it matters how many times to get up. It also matters how hard you try to adapt. Adapting is the key to success.

 

Mad Matt looks into the camera.

 

Mad Matt:I will make no promises. I will just go out there, win matches if I can. Give the fans 100 percent all of the time is the only thing that one can do for sure. That is what I owe to the people who pay my salary. To give them an even fight which they could be entertained by.

 

(The footage fades out, as the proud young man known as Mad Matt stares the camera down, his gaze piercing through TV screens around the world.)

[Guest Zack Malibu]

::Back from commercial...

 

Cole: Well next we've got the in-ring debut of MISTER WARRIOR!

 

Coach: No one has seen him wrestle yet but he is already booked to face one of our biggest stars, Caboose at 'School's Out!'.

 

Cole: Well here we go...

 

Fink: Introducing first, standing in the ring, weighing in at 232lbs, he is your AWA Heavyweight Champion of Peabody, Dick Blair!

 

Blair raises his arms and recieves a small applause and some slight boos.

 

The HeldTron turns pink, and a yellow Warrior signal is projected onto the ring as 'Everybody Dance Now" by C and C Music Factory starts up.

 

Fink: And introducing next, his opponent from...

 

Fink pauses and checks with the referee, who looks equally bemused.

 

Fink:...The Heavans!? Weighing in at 259lbs, making hsi debut, MISTER WARRIOR!

 

The apathy turns to an intrigued cheer as MISTER WARRIOR comes running down the stage, in hot pink tights, hot pink elbow & knee pads, hot pink boots, flourescent tassels on his wrists and boots, and hot pink, lime green, and hot orange facepaint. With one arm continually pumping the air with his right fist. MISTER WARRIOR leaps onto the apron, grabs the top rope with both arms and he starts to wildly shake the ropes! The fans start to laugh as MISTER WARRIOR starts to foam at the mouth!

 

MISTER WARRIOR steps between the ropes, climbs into the and starts running around in a circle, while again pumping the air with his right fist. Dick Blair stands in the middle of the ring, and watches MISTER WARRIOR continously circle him.

 

The referee calls for the bell and MISTER WARRIOR stops running around in circles, but he does not appear dizzy.

 

Cole: Oh my god! What kind of inhuman freak is he! He ran around in circles for two minutes and he isn't even dizzy!

 

Coach: Thats that aldosterone for you, coupled with destruicity, MISTER WARRIOR is invincible!

 

Dick Blair ties up with MISTER WARRIOR and MISTER WARRIOR simply shoves Blair off. MISTER WARRIOR then beats his chest. Blair picks himself up and locks up with MISTER WARRIOR a second time, but again MISTER WARRIOR shoves him off with ease and beats his chest, as Blair looks around looking for an answer to MISTER WARRIOR's raw power.

 

Dick Blair still on his knees, begs for mercy, MISTER WARRIOR steps forward and grabs the swashbuckling blonde hair on the back of Blair's head, but this gives Blair enough time to deliver a low blow which sends MISTER WARRIOR down to the mat! Blair follows up with stomps to MISTER WARRIOR's right knee, and signals to the crowd for the figure-4!

 

Blair picks up MISTER WARRIOR'sleft knee, wraps around and applies the figure-4! The crowd gasps in anticipation of MISTER WARRIOR tapping out, but with no facial expression evident, MISTER WARRIOR starts to move his arms up and down in a parallel manner!

 

MISTER WARRIOR instantly reverses the figure-4 and Blair screams in pain! Blair breaks the hold and uses the ropes to pull himself up. Blair turns around and sees MISTER WARRIOR already upto his feet! Blair kicks MISTER WARRIOR in the gut and hooks him up in the Pedigree position!

 

Cole: Blair's going to hit the 'Peabody Nobody Driver'!

 

Coach: Not even an aldosterone enhanced MISTER WARRIOR who ahs achieved desturicity can kick out of the 'Peabody Nobody Driver!'

 

Boom! Blair drops MISTER WARRIOR with the 'Peabody Nobody Driver' and makes the cover...

 

...1!...

 

...MISTER WARRIOR gets up and starts his SuperManiacComeback~!

 

Half the crowd boo MISTER WARRIOR's over the top antics, but the other half roars their approval off MISTER WARRIOR totally old-school style no-sell!

 

Unwittingly, Dick Blair throws a punch, which MISTER WARRIOR blocks and follows with his own explosive right hand, which knocks Blair on his ass straight away!

 

Cole: What a right hand! Did you see that right hand!

 

Coach: Uh-oh! Here go!

 

MISTER WARRIOR starts to pump the air with his fist again, and knee-high jog on the spot as Blair slowly pulls himself up. MISTER WARRIOR runs toward the ropes as Blair tries to simply maintain his balance! MISTER WARRIOR bounces off the ropes and delivers a clothesline to Blair!

 

MISTER WARRIOR cris-crosses as Blair pulls himself up again, but is met with yet another clothseline! MISTER WARRIOR continues to run the ropes as Blair picks himself up again only to be met with a third devastating clothseline!

 

Cole: Blair isn't going to get up from them!

 

Coach: The kid should just stay down!

 

MISTER WARRIOR stands over Blair's body and starts to lift his arms up and down in a body press motion. MISTER WARRIOR picks up Blair, presses him overhead 15 times before finally dropping Blair and the canvas! MISTER WARRIOR bounce off the ropes and nails a running body splash to the back of Blair!

 

MISTER WARRIOR flips Blair over and kneel on his chest as the now unified crowd count along with the referee's counts...

 

1!

 

2!

 

...3!

 

Cole: MISTER WARRIOR wins!

 

Coach: Well duh!

 

The crowd roars in its approval of MISTER WARRIOR's crazy shenanigans!

 

MISTER WARRIOR starts to shake the ropes violently again before walking over to the fallen Blair and picking his carcass up. MISTER WARRIOR licks his right index finger to check the wind direction, takes two steps back and lawn darts Dick Blair into the crowd!

 

MISTER WARRIOR jumps out of the ring and starts to destroy all the TV equipment and attacks the ringside security!...

 

...then the light go out.

 

The crowd explodes in cheers as Audioslave's 'Cochise' starts up and a strobe light shows Caboose lower into the centre of the ring!

 

MISTER WARRIOR stops his crazy attack and slides into the ring to confront Caboose, who has detached himself from his harness.

 

Caboose's music cuts, and the two stand toe-to-toe and face-to-face in the centre of the ring.

 

The crowd starts to gradually get louder the longer the two face up to each other. Caboose shoves MISTER WARRIOR, who pushes Caboose back. Caboose looks at the crowd, turns back and spears MISTER WARRIOR! Caboose sits in the mounted position and starts throwing furious lefts and rights at MISTER WARRIOR's face! Caboose steps off and stands a few feet back from MISTER WARRIOR who quickly pulls himself to his feet.

 

Caboose waits for MISTER WARRIOR to turn around and face him before kicking MISTER WARRIOR in the gut and throwing him over his shoulder for the Emerald Fusion!...

 

The crowd roars!

 

Cole: Emerald Fusion!

 

Coach: Wait...

 

...But MISTER WARRIOR wriggles out of the Emerald Fusion, and pushes Caboose into the ropes! Caboose bounces off the ropes and is met with a big boot to the face! MISTER WARRIOR starts to pump the air again, bounces off the rope sand drops a SUPER-MANIAC-ALDROSTENE-&-DESTRUICITY-ENHANCED-LEG-DROP-OF-DOOM~! onto Caboose!

 

MISTER WARRIOR gets up, does the press motion, shakes the ropes again and steps out of the ring before running back up the ramp pumping the air again, all while Caboose lies motionless in the ring!

 

Cole: Oh my, Caboose may be hurt badly!

 

Coach: Caboose cannot beat MISTER WARRIOR!

 

Cole: We need some help for Caboose out here!

 

 

(Road agents rush the ring to check on Caboose, while our cameras take us elsewhere...)

 

 

Backstage, Anglesault and Brock Ausstin are having a HEATED POLITICAL DEBATE~!...or not. Nonetheless, the heel duo are engaged in conversation when they spy OAOAST World Champion Zack Malibu coming into the arena! The door shuts behind Zack and Alison, and AS breaks his conversation and tells Brock to come with him. Zack sees the duo approaching and moves forward, protecting Alison from any potential harm.

 

AS:"Hey champ."

 

Zack and Anglesault lock eyes. It's the most AS has said to Zack since Zack beat him for the belt at Anglemania 2.

 

ZM:"There something I can do for you and Baby Huey here?"

 

Brock growls, but AS tells him to back off.

 

AS:"Actually, I have a bone to pick with you. You know, you've made my life a living hell Malibu. I'll give credit where credit is due. You took that belt off me and gave me the fight of my career. It's just that...then you had to go rub salt in the wound. You had to get the Stand In Squad back here, didn't you?"

 

ZM:"The what?"

 

AS:"The Stand In Squad. You know, you beat me, move on to supposed bigger things, and you let Some Guy come back and start nagging my ass for "mistreating" the aWo. You get Caboose back in here to fight your other battles now...I mean what happened to our strong-willed, balls to the wall champion, huh?"

 

Zack moves towards Anglesault so that they are eye to eye.

 

ZM:"Are you doubting me? Because those guys aren't back because I wanted them too. They're back because THEY wanted to be here. Caboose has a laundry list of complaints that I don't need to discuss. As for Some Guy, you want to know why he's back, then look in the mirror. You've got nerve, telling me I'm not what I claim to be, when you, the man who all this was supposed to be built around, only got away from me for so long BECAUSE of the aWo. You ran them dry, Anglesault. Now someone sees you for what you are, and you try to pass off blame? Oh no, it's not going down like that."

 

AS:"It's not?"

 

ZM:"It's not."

 

AS:"Then I'll tell you how it will go down. You go find that Be Bopping Bosotonian, and throw on your tights while you're at it. You don't like my opinions, come and shut me up."

 

ZM:"My pleasure."

 

Anglesault slowly turns from Zack, with Malibu not blinking as he does. AS turns to walk away, and then turns back around to pry Brock away. Alison comes up behind Zack and puts her arms around his shoulders, as we fade out with a shot of the champion.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

::The opening beats of I'm Just a Girl hits with smoke and red probe lights flashing in the entrance way. When the smoke clears, CRYSTAL emerges and the crowd explodes for her!::

 

Coach: The fans sure love HeldDown's Crystal!

 

::Crystal makes her way to the ring, her head nodding to the beat of the song. She is obviously pumped up for this match::

 

Cole: This is going to be another fantastic match between OAOAST's hottest ladies. And you can only catch them on HeldDown!

 

::The arena darkens as light purple lights come up. The eery music of Imaginary hits the speakers as the mood has changed. BLACK WIDOW emerges from the array of lights and gets an equally thunderous reaction::

 

Coach: Both these ladies are loved by the fans. And I love them both too, if ya catch my drift!

 

Cole: Shuddup Coach.

 

::Widow makes her way to the ring and meets Crystal in the middle of it. They shake hands to show their respect for each other::

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

And we're off!

 

Widow and Crystal lock up immedietly. Widow grabs Crystal in a waistlock, which Crystal counters and grabs Widow in a waist lock. Widow elbows out of it and runs to the ropes. Crystal leapfrogs over her and goes for the tilt-a-whirl slam. But Widow thinks fast and does a flying head scissors, and Crystal ends up outside! Widow sees her oppertunity and tries for a baseball slide, but Crystal catches her legs! But Widow reverses *that* and goes for the flying headscissors again, which throws Crystal the the steps.

 

Coach: Ow! That's gonna hurt.

 

Cole: One thing's for sure-Widow is in this to win!

 

Widow throws Crystal in the ring and quickly goes for the first pin of the match. Crystal kicks out on 2, showing she still has enough to keep going in the early part of the match. Widow picks up Crystal and whips her into the corner. And here comes chops galore! Widow chops Crystal a couple times, but Crystal, in turn, puts Widow in the corner and chops her. Crystal whips Widow to the other corner, but Widow reverses. Widow goes to clothesline Crystal in the corner, but Crystal rolls out of the way and dropskick Widow into the turnbuckle. Crystal quickly goes for the roll-up and Widow kicks out on two.

 

Cole: What a match so far!

 

Crystal picks Widow up and whips her to the ropes. Crystal goes for the clothesline, but Widow ducks and hits a neckbreaker! Widow sees her oppertunity and tries for the WIDOWSAULT. However, Crystal rolls out of the way, but Widow lands on her feet. BUt Crystal is one step ahead of her and hits the SPEAR! Crystal goes for the pin.

 

1...2...kickout!

 

Crystal whips Widow to the ropes, but Widow holds on the ropes as Crystal tries for the standing dropkick. Widow quickly goes on the top rope and signals for Crystal to get up. Widow busts out the WIDOWCANRANA! She quickly goes for the pin.

 

1..2..kickout!

 

Crystal barely kicks out! Widow picks her up, boot to the gut, and MISSeS WIDOW PEAK! but no! Crystal pushes her to the ropes and rolls her up!

 

1..2..kickout!

 

Widow kicks out and does a beautiful veritcal suplex! She sees an oppertunity and starts climbing the top rope.

 

Cole:What's she doing?

 

But Crystal kips up and crotches Widow. Seeing an oppertunity, she climbs up to where Widow is.

 

Coach: It looks like she's going for a thunderous Hurricanrana!

 

Crystal indeed goes for it and hits it...no! Widow held on and perches Crystal on her shoulders and hits a SITDOWN POWERBOMB FROM THE SECOND ROPE!

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

3!

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

AND YOUR WINNER IS BLACK WIDOW!

 

::Imaginary hits as the ref raises Widow's hand. Widow helps Crystal up and they hug, showing their respect::

 

Cole: What a match these two ladies have. I cannot wait until and third and final match at School's Out!

 

Coach:"Such great talent exhibitted yet again here this week, as Widow gets the victory this time around! I tell you Michael, I...what's that? Our cameras have caught up to Totally Endorsed, who are looking for The Dream Machines!"

 

 

*A silver 2004 Toyota Sienna pulls up to the curb behind the Camino and all the doors open, revealing all of Totally Endorsed but Slacker, who probably wouldn’t have done much anyway. They gather at the entrance door, looking at the Machines’ handiwork.*

 

Calvin (wearing his 24/7 belt):

 

Those sons of…..

 

Candie:

 

It’s amazing how comfortably that Toyota Sienna sat us all.

 

Calvin:

 

Never mind that! I mean, yeah, plus the ride is very smooth and it was #1 in federal safety tests, but we have some work to do.

 

*They walk through the automatic doors and find the store empty, except for the defaced cutouts and a pile of Coke bottles stacked in a four foot high pyramid on the floor. Calvin smirks as the rest of TE searches around for the vandals.*

 

Calvin (yelling):

 

Come on punks, this may be a big place, but you can’t hide forever!!

 

*Suddenly a man walks up to them clad in a blue WalMart uniform, a man looking similar to the Parka.*

 

Parka:

 

Hi, welcome to WalMart, hope we can help you today.

 

Calvin (laughing):

 

Hey, look at you. You can help me by telling your other two buddies to come out so we can save time by kicking all your asses now and still be able to hold our party.

 

Parka:

 

For your convenience, here come some shopping carts for your use, courtesy of the Dream Machines.

 

*PK and Kalm rush in with carts, pushing one into Calvin, knocking him down and the other into Colvid, who topples over a table in the small restaurant. Parka goes after Calvin while PK picks up Colvid. They brawl around the long autograph tables and split up in different directions: Parka/Calvin heading to sporting goods and PK/Colvid going to home entertainment.*

 

Meanwhile, Eddy, more of a lover than a fighter, is confronted by Candie, who lets him have it verbally while backing him to the wall. Eddy reaches into his bag and takes out mace, but Terry slaps it away and grabs Eddy by the throat. Eddy struggles for breath under Terry’s grip, but Candie taps him on the shoulder.

 

Candie:

 

Forget him. Let’s get the guys that WON’T take 5 seconds to destroy. I’ll go after Knight since I want to check out WalMart’s excellent home entertainment department with an extensive selection of DVD’s, video games (from all the major consoles!) and computer software. You help Calvin, wherever he went.*

 

*Candie and Terry head their separate ways as the workers still seem confused at what just happened. The scene changes to Parka and Calvin brawling through the women’s clothing section and up to lingerie. Calvin knocks Parka into a rack of bras and picks up one to stuff in Parka’s mouth. Parka coughs and wheezes as he struggles for breath.*

 

Calvin:

 

It’s only a B-cup, you wuss.

 

*Parka punches him in the gut to break and tosses him into a rack of panties. Parka picks him up and drags him towards the pantyhose, where they take turns throwing boxes at each other. They move to accessories and grab purses, swinging them around like nunchucks and getting shots in on each other. Parka stops.*

 

Parka:

 

What are we doing? Can we at least fight in a MANLY section, please?

 

Calvin:

 

You’re right.

 

*Calvin tackles Parka and they wrassle out of the aisle and further up the store. The scene changes to PK and Colvid in home entertainment as they brawl up and down the DVD aisles, taking turns hitting each other with various titles.*

 

Colvid:

 

Dark Angel: Season 1, James Cameron’s futuristic action series with Jessica Alba as a sexy and strong genetically engineered babe. *whap*

 

PK:

 

Antoine Fischer, with Denzel Washington in an Oscar-worthy performance. *crack*

 

Colvid:

 

Buffy: the Vampire Slayer, Seasons 1 *whap*, 2 *crack* AND 3 *bang, bang, bang*

 

PK:

 

The Tuxedo…

 

Colvid:

 

That movie sucked. Jennifer Love Hewitt is a horrible actress.

 

PK:

 

*Whap* Better not go to IZ with that attitude. Damian will job you out faster than you can say “Angle-Plex.” *whap*

 

PK (grabbing Colvid in a headlock):

 

Hey, a section of WWE Home Videos, vastly superior to Coliseum Video (Colvid: “Bastard!!”).

 

*PK picks up a copy of RAW X*

 

PK

 

Hey, remind me, how many times did RAW X suck?

 

*whap*

*whap*

*whap*

*whap*

*whap*

*whap*

*whap*

*whap*

*whap*

*whap*

 

Oh that’s right, TEN TIMES!!

 

*They continue to grapple around and go to the television displays. PK slugs Colvid down and pulls a 20” Panasonic off the shelf. He lifts it over his head, waiting for Colvid to get up, but Colvid grabs the TV as Knight swings down and shoves it to the ground, with PK’s face following it. Colvid rips off a 25” and readies to strike, but PK recovers and dropkicks it right back in Colvid’s face. Both men stumble around, throwing portable TVs at each other before PK grabs a combination VCR/DVD/CD player and bashes it over Colvid’s head.*

 

*Meanwhile, Parka and Calvin have moved on into the sporting goods section. Calvin grabs a bat from the racks and takes a swing at Parka, but he ducks.*

 

Parka:

 

Strike three, amigo.

 

*Parka tackles Calvin and backs him into a pile of boxes. Parka lays in the punches but Calvin manages to grab a Golden Bear GB1 driver and holds it at Parka’s throat, backing him to the middle of the aisle. As Parka struggles for breath, Calvin (after setting his feet and waggling the club a few times), draws the club back and swings it right into his crotch.*

 

Calvin:

 

Right down the fairway. (He hears footsteps approach) The hell?

 

*Calvin turns around to see the 5 WalMart employees, who were just finishing setting up for the party, staring at him. He looks down and realizes what they have come for*

 

Calvin:

 

Aw no, not again.

 

*He runs off towards the garden department while Parka struggles to his feet, following the group. Terry arrives soon after, but finds nothing but broken merchandise. He hears the commotion in garden and heads that way*

 

*Meanwhile, Candie has arrived at home entertainment, where she finds PK and Colvid breaking printer ink cartridges on each other. She comes up behind PK and grabs him, giving Colvid an opportunity to get some shots in with a phone. Knight tries to struggle out and kicks at Colvid, but he grabs his legs and they swing him into a rack of PC games. PK gets back to his feet and the TE pair jump on him, brawling back towards the entrance.*

 

*Back at the garden, Calvin runs in, out of breath, looking around for a way to escape. He hears the crowd coming closer and spots a row of riding lawnmowers near the exit door. He jumps on one and starts it up, driving it (at a top speed of 7 MPH) outside. The group arrives, sees Calvin escaping, and jumps on the remaining mowers, starting a chase that would make OJ proud. Parka decides to let him go and goes back to help his partner but he bumps into Terry on the way out. Parka breaks a rake on his back and they begin to brawl back towards the entrance also as the camera feed suddenly cuts out*

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Cole:"I can't believe...did we actually just SEE all that Coach!?"

 

Coach:"I can't believe PK actually had the RAW X DVD in his hands...ugh!"

 

Cole:"Now folks, let's take you backstage to HeldDOWN whipping boy...I mean, er...interviewer, Josh Matthews, with...WHO!?"

 

Coach:"You mean Jim Neidhart is donning that stupid yellow mask again?"

 

Cole:"No...I just...I can't read what that says. Looks like you got some mayo from your sandwich on my format sheet."

 

Coach:"I...er...yeah, that's mayo. Um, I dunno...call the dude Blank Man, just cut to Josh already~!"

 

 

Josh Matthews: "Thanks guys. I'm here with an up and comer in the wrestling world who wants to try his hand at the action in the OAOAST. So, tell us what you have in store for this evening."

 

Blank Man: "Well, it's like this..."

 

::Hex drops from the ceiling, knocks out the jobber and throws him down the hall, leans casually against the wall and lights a cigarette::

 

Hex: "You've seen me once before. You know I call myself Hex. You don't know who I am. I used to wrestle down in Mexico. It was alright. Things didn't go so well after a while, we had some drunk hick running the show... the promotion went under. It was ok. That's how I am... things crash around me, I just keep going. So word on the street is there's some talent running around up here. I check it out, as I'm known to do. And what do I see? A face from the past. You call him Caboose. I don't think he knows who I am... he'll find out, same as the rest of you."

 

::security appears::

 

guard: (brandishing a billy club) "Sir, you're going to have to exit the premises immediately. Come with me and no one gets hurt."

 

Hex: ::puts up his hands:: "Hey man, I work here. Now please put down your weapon. I have things to do."

 

guard: "I'll need to see some identification."

 

Hex: ::digs in his pockets, comes up empty:: "Alright, I'll go... for now. But don't doubt it, especially you Caboose... I'll be back."

 

::Hex allows security to escort him out::

 

(Cameras cut back to Michael and Coach, who are whispering, albeit audibly.)

 

Cole:"I can't BELIEVE you did that out here. And to think I nearly put my finger on the spot!"

 

Coach:"I'm sorry Michael. It's just, Crystal and Widow, I...HEY FOLKS~!"

 

Cole shuffles his papers in front of him, looking busy.

 

Cole:"All right, that was...odd. But that seems to be the case around here as of late, as anything can and will happen here on HeldDOWN~!, right Coach?"

 

Coach glares at Michael, but then realizes he's not being sarcastic this time.

 

Coach:"Oh, uh...right you are, MC. In fact, I've gotten word that we're about to have a special guest!"

 

 

For the first time in weeks the screen goes black and white, meaning the current X-Title champion has returned and is making his way to the ring, along with his manager Mr. Jim Cornette.

 

Cole: Look at this? The current X-title holder, and his manager James E. Cornette are on their way to the ring.

 

Coach: Lot's of stories have floated all over the internet about those two; many of which were downright dumb.

 

Cornette: No, ladies and gentlmen, you're not dreaming; the Purist and I have returned from a two week leave. But it wasn't a normal two-week leave. You see, the comissioner of HeldDown had this GREAT idea: send the X-champion and his manager to the Congo for a "promotional tour." For all you hillbillies who don't know their current events -- which would be all of ya -- the Congo is experiencing a civil war, but we're still sent there. Who the hell sends one of their best wrestlers into a warzone? Comissioner Moysey, that's who.

 

Cole: The Congo is a hot-bed for parody e-fed entertainment.

 

Coach: They don't even have a economy, Michael.

 

Cornette: I shouldn't be surprised about the decision since Moysey is Canadian, so he doesn't have to worry about thing happening to his country because Uncle Sam is right there, ready to defend their alley, even though their Prime Minister is senile and doesn't understand the meaning of friendship. But we're not going to cry. Oh, no. Rando, you've had 2 weeks to prepare for The Purist. Pal, you better be ready because the champ is staved -- and we actually mean that this time, to kick your BUTT at School's Out.

 

And God knows HeldDown needs to put the wresting back into this hellhole. When we saw tapes from the last two weeks, we saw this place turn into a circus -- made me sick to my stomach; that may have been the food we at in the Congo, but the sports entertainment made me sick either way. And for those of you who complain we went AWOL...which means you ZACK MALIBU...at least we don't duck challengers, no we haven't forgotten, pretty boy. As a matter of fact, The Purist is going to wrestle--

 

Cole: Tonight?

 

Coach: That would be HUGE!

 

Cornette: This Sunday at School's Out. So long till Sunday.

 

Cornette backmouths the crowd as he leads The Purist to the back.

 

Cole: Well, The Purist has returned from a "promotion tour" in war-torn Congo, but he'll be facing the Amazing Rando at School's Out for the X-title.

 

The cameras zoom in on Purist as he turns around and faces the crowd, proudly displaying the X Title as Cornette gleefully mocks the fans. He turns to enter the backstage area, and the view fades, then segues into a commercial.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

We return from break, again greeted by the smilin' faces of our faithful hosts.

 

Cole:"Fans, a bit of sad news. It appears that Josh Matthews has a bit of stomach trouble, and has locked himself in a bathroom stall for now. However, a major Hollywood star was in attendance tonight, and literally jumped at the chance to take over announcing duties. Take it away JACKIE CHAN~!"

 

Jackie Chan: Hello, folks. It's me Jackie Chan here as the guest interviewer! I'm here with Mongoose Foshi of the hard hitting band FOSHI~! Now, Foshi, you were not here last week because of a gig in Germany. How did that go?

 

Foshi: It went very well. I was overwhelmed by the response from the German fans. Look out Rammstein, Megaherz move over, FOSHI~! is taking the Iron Cross.

 

Jackie: Well, it was your first major gig in Europe. How about we take a look at some of the highlights.

 

The clips show the crazy stage antics FOSHI~! is so known for. We return to Jackie and Mongoose.

 

Jackie: Well, the tape tells the tale. Any final comments for your fans?

 

Foshi: I actually have something more important that I need to say. This is to that masked coward who attacked Paul Stanley last week. Your actions aren't going to go unnoticed. Paul Stanley and I may not be good buddies, but we respect and understand each other. Here's a man trying to turn things around and you go and do this. That is just something I will not stand for. Watch yourself.

 

Foshi walks off to a pop from the fans.

 

Jackie: Well, there you have it folks. This is Jackie Chan. AY-YA!

 

::Suddenly, another feed starts interrupting HeldDOWN's broadcast! After a bit of "scramble screen" for a minute, the picture is clear.

 

::cut to a darkened room, where we see a lone figure, shrouded in darkness::

 

::faintly, in the background, "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" by the Crash Test Dummies can be heard::

 

 

"Have an awesome summer!... Stay in touch!... You're a good kid!... See ya around!..."

 

If only they had known! ...Oh, it is very obvious that they didn't really know me at all. I was far from a "good kid". I was never one of them, those sheep! I never conformed to their ways, to their standards! I never believed what they believed. NEVER.

 

And why would I stay in touch! They never talked to me, never spent time with me, never let me say what I really felt. I had to keep my mouth shut just so I could even be allowed the HONOUR of being around them!

 

...Yet still, they leave me these momentos, these hollow words, these lies. They never realised that the meaningless tripe they had written would only help to fuel my rage.

 

But you know what? I did what the "good kids" asked me to do. I stayed in touch. We sure did keep in touch, eh Paul? You wrote something similar to what the rest of them had... You already know that, though. You remember it. Try to piece together the puzzle in your mind, while you lay in bed tonight. Remember what happened to you last week.

 

I'm still here, Paul. Still the same as ever, Paul. I'll definitely be in touch with you again VERY soon.

 

::fade out::

[Guest Zack Malibu]

::Back from Commercial...

 

Cole: We've got news of Caboose's conditon and we are taking you to Josh Matthews outside his locker room right now!

 

Camera cuts to outside Caboose's locker room.

 

Coach:"Hey Josh...no more running for the border before the show, eh!"

 

Matthews (hastily doing his belt buckle): Um...Yes we here Caboose isn't in good shape after that battle with MISTER WARRIOR, hold up, what the fu...?!

 

Smashing noises are heard from inside Caboose's locker room and a medic is thrown through the door!

 

Matthews: I'm going to go inside and find out Caboose's condition!

 

Matthews steps inside but is met instantly with a Cricket Bat to the face!

 

The cameraman motions to leave but...

 

Caboose: No you stay camera boy!

 

Caboose clutching his chest stares dead into the camera pointing his Crciket Bat straight down the lens.

 

Caboose: MISTER WARRIOR! This Sunday, at School's Out, only one of us is walking away from that ring! I'm going to kill you, you sonofabitch! But to give you a chance, will play the match by your rules! Any stips, you can have them! I'll beat you at your own game!...

 

Laughing is heard from inside the locker room.

 

Caboose and the camera turn to face the mirror...

 

...Inside the mirror stands MISTER WARRIOR laughing!

 

MISTER WARRIOR: Fine Caboose. We will play by my rules Caboose. So far we have been palying by the rules of the mortal world Caboose. Now we will, play like MISTER WARRIORs Caboose. I choose out battle to to a 'Duchess of WARRIORhood' match Caboose. Hahahahahahahahaha Caboose!

 

MISTER WARRIOR beats his chest, roars and SHOULDERBLOCKS~! through the mirror and into Caboose!

 

Caboose is left a bloody mess as MISTER WARRIOR runs off!...

 

Cole: Things don't look good for Caboose!

 

Coach: What the hell is a 'Duchess of WARRIORhood' match?!

 

Cole: I guess we will find out on Sunday!

 

 

(Cut to elsewhere. The inner workings of The Trinity locker room.)

 

::Scene opens up in the Los Infernales locker room, where SpiderPoet is pulling a knee pad into place. Beside him, El Dandy stands with his arms crossed, and Stephen Joseph stands with his hands draped behind his back. The two regard Poet for a long moment, but he seems to refuse to look back at them::

 

Stephen Joseph

You haven't spoken to us since IntenseZone.

 

SP

(No answer. He just hangs up his civilian clothes in his locker space)

 

SJ:

You haven't spoken to anyone.

 

SP:

. . .

 

SJ:

(Moves in close to Poet, and turns Spidey to face him) What troubles you, my son? What has robbed you of your voice?

 

SP:

(Stares at Joseph for a long moment, as if choosing his words carefully) Widow . . . burning. On the AngleTron on IZ . . .

 

SJ:

(Nods) This is good . . . she must be cleansed as well.

 

SP:

I dreamed it, Stephen. It shook me from my slumber not long ago. I saw her burned alive, I saw her writhing as the flames consumed her.

 

SJ:

(Reaches up and gently takes SP's face in his hands) Give me your thoughts . . . let me take this from you. She must be --

 

SP:

(Grabs Joseph's hands and rips them from his face) She will be CONSUMED! YOU CANNOT TAKE THIS FROM ME, IT IS MINE ALONE TO BEAR.

 

SJ:

I cannot sit back while this tears you --

 

SP:

I'm already dead, Stephen. Now let me go do what I do best.

 

(Poet pushes past Joseph, slings his belt over his shoulder, and motions for El Dandy to follow him)

 

Cole:"Six Man Tag Action is NEXT~!"

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Los Infernales make their way down the entrance ramp. As they enter the ring "Back up" by 12 Stones plays over the speaker. The Slacker struts down the aisle gets into the ring and shakes hands with his opponents. He grabs a microphone, but before he can say anything "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera comes on and The Boogie Knights appear on the entrance way. They look at each other and then charge the ring!

 

Cole: This is going to be complete chaos! Mothers put your children to bed!

 

BIG ASS BRAWL!!!! El Dandy and Shattered Dreams knock each other out of the ring, as do Zorin and Spider Poet. Leaving Slacker and Kotzenjunge to officially start the match. Slacker tries a standing clothesline but it gets ducked. Kotz hits a back body drop, drawing a large pop from the crowd. Slacker tries to crawl to his corner but gets halted with an elbow drop by Kotz. Kotz attempts a German suplex but Slacker flips out off it and makes a quick tag to El Dandy!!

 

Crowd:Booooo!

 

Coach: Here comes the big man! He's silent and deadly!

 

Cole: I wouldn't bring him home to Mom.

 

The 275 pounder charges at his rival but gets taken down with drop toe hold. Kotz shoots a snot rocket at Dandy and tags in Zorin. The stable mates hit a double team vertical suplex. Zorin goes for the pin but the ref is to busy trying to remove Kotz from the ring. Dandy stands up and Irish whips Zorin, he CRUSHES him with a spine buster on the rebound. Pin attempt 1...kick out. Dandy tries whip Zorin into his corner, but Zorin reverses it and whips his enemy into the BK's corner. Zorin tries a tornado DDT but Dandy effortlessly throws him out of the ring. He makes the tag to Poet as Zorin gets back onto the apron, Poet goes over to taunt Zorin but gets punched in stomach! Sunset flip by Zorin! 1...kick out! The two men get up and Poet throws a flurry of punches all of which are easily blocked by Zorin.

 

Crowd: Zorin! Zorin!

 

Zorin climbs the top rope! Moonsault! Poet moved! Poet moved!

 

Cole: It's a high risk move, and this time the risk didn't pay off.

 

Zorin clutches his stomach in pain. Poet looks at his opponent and then looks at the top turnbuckle. A devious smile comes over his face as he suddenly gets an idea. Poet climbs to the top! Spidahsault! Zorin moved! Zorin moved!

 

Cole: Poet's getting a taste of his own medicine!

 

Poet crawls to his corner and tags and El Dandy. Zorin tags Shattered Dreams and the crowd pops huge!

 

Coach: The roof is about to explode!

 

Dreams hits a leg lariat and sends Dandy to the ground. Poet weakly charges at Dreams who just tosses the tag team champion to the outside. Dreams rips off his mesh shirt and the girls in the audience go wild. Oh no, Dandy's back on his feet and destroys Dreams with a full nelson slam!

 

Crowd: Dandy sucks! Dandy Sucks!

 

Coach: The crowd is all over Dandy, but I don't think he cares. He just wants to hurt people!

 

Dandy leads Dreams over to the corner and bashes his head against the turnbuckle. Blood begins to poor from the former Dream Machine's mouth. Dandy shows no sign of emotion as he rakes Dreams' face across the ropes. Dandy finishes the assault by powerbombing Dreams against the turnbuckle. Dandy tags the Slacker who was half asleep.

 

Cole: Did he take some no-doz before the match?

 

Coach: No-doz? What the hell? Never mind.

 

Slacker lazily walks over to his opponent and starts to kick him in face. Slacker gets on the ground and proceeds to bite Dreams' nose.

 

Cole: I bet it taste like Fruity Pebbles!

 

Crowd: Dreams! Dreams! Dreams!

 

Slacker lifts Dreams up and tries to powerbomb him, but it gets reversed into a hurricanrana into a pin. Slacker reverses that into a pinning predicament, which Dreams reverses into a pin of his own. Finally the two men get up. Slacker gets a waist lock, but Dreams goes behind Slacker and hits a MEGA MAGICAL FLASH BLACK!!! Both men are down! Both men are struggling to get to their respective corners. Dreams tags Kotzenjunge! Slacker tags the recovered Spider Poet! The crowd erupts at the violence that is about to ensue.

 

Cole: This is wild! The ref is going to loose control!

 

The warriors throw punches at each other. Just as Kotz gets the upper hand, El Dandy comes out of no where and clotheslines him in the back. In response, Zorin nails El Dandy with a missile dropkick. El Dandy rolls out of the ring, leaving Poet alone with Zorin and Kotz.

 

Poet tries to run, but Shattered Dreams rolls back into the ring and SPEARS him! Zorin goes up top and hits the moonsault on the knocked out tag team champion. Kotz picks Poet up and levels him with a LAST RECORD!

 

Pin attempt: 1..2...3!

 

Announcer: Your winners...The Boogie Knights!

 

Kotz starts to punch Poet and tosses him out of the ring as the ref raises Zorin and Dreams' hand in victory.

 

Cole:"What a match! The Boogie Knights pulled out a victory...showing the world why they may be the next World Tag Team Champions!"

 

Coach:"Man, I love those guys. I don't know why they don't take ME clubbing with them."

 

Cole:"..."

 

Coach:"What? What were you going to say?"

 

Cole:"I was going to say...OH LOOK AT THAT, THEY WANT US TO CUT TO BACKSTAGE!"

 

Coach frowns, as we switch to the back:

 

The Beard is seen running through the back stage area

 

Cole: oh my The Beard looks really pissed

 

Beard: ATM you son of a bitch where are you, show your face

 

The Beard runs upto Naz Mistry, now a road agent for Held Down

 

Beard: have you seen that son of a bitch

 

NM: no i haven't seen Caboose for ages

 

The Beard turns violently only to be met by a stiff chair shot to the face by ATM and pedro

 

ATM: You go down Beard and you go down quick

 

::Cut back to the arena::

 

Cole:"This feud is so offbeat, you just can't help but love it."

 

Coach:"Hey, I'm down with the little people!"

 

::The arena lights dim as “Bother” by Stone Sour begins to echo throughout the arena. The Amazing Rando, looking quite somber and quiet, walks out from behind the curtain and looks up at the crowd. The smile seems gone from his once happy face. A long jacket flows to his feet as though it is water running down his back. He walks slowly to the ring, carrying a microphone as he goes. His head stays down until he is standing beside the ring. He looks up to the ceiling, and then at his feet once more as he rounds the ring and walks the steel steps and climbs into the ring. The crowd sits in now stunned silence as Rando looks around at all the people watching him. After a long sigh, Rando begins to speak as “Bother” continues to play::

 

Wish I was too dead to cry

My self-affliction fades

Stones to throw at my creator

Masochists to which I cater

You don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on,

I won't let go 'til it bleeds

 

RANDO

Sometimes, comedy is necessary. Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine. For the last few weeks, I have come out here and made a complete ass of myself and you all have loved me for it. And I loved each and every minute of it. When I come out here and I stand in this ring I become a completely different person. I am not just Rando anymore. I become The Amazing Rando, now number one contender for the X Championship. But tonight…I do not need to be amazing. I am not fighting here tonight. I am here tonight to speak to you. I am here tonight to let you know exactly how much you all mean to me, and how much this match this Sunday means to me…

 

Wish I was too dead to care

If indeed I cared at all

Never had a voice to protest

So you fed me to digest

I wish I had a reason;

my flaws are open season

For this, I gave up trying

One good turn deserves my dying

You don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on,

I won't let go 'til it bleeds

 

RANDO

For years…I have went from wrestling federation to wrestling federation…and every injury, every bit of mind numbing pain, every once of energy I wasted destroying my body in gymnasiums, in auditoriums, in abandoned warehouses, even on occasion throwing my body around in empty parking lots like an extra in Fight Club. I put my body, my soul, my spirit, all of it…I put it all on the line so that one day I could get to the big time. So that one day I could step into the ring with the likes of Zack Malibu, Stephen Joseph, CWM, and EvenflowDDT…all the greats that have defined what professional wrestling is about. Those that put their life on the line each and every week to make you all…to make the fans just bleed intensity. To make the fans just ooze raw power and energy every single night from the opening bell to the overflow into the parking lot after the main event. That is what drives me…and that is what will continue to drive me long after all the fans have gone. But sometimes my thoughts are a bit different…

 

Wish I'd died instead of lived

A zombie hides my face

Shell forgotten

with its memories

Diaries left

with cryptic entries

And you don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on,

I won't let go 'til it bleeds

You don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on:

I'll never live down my deceit

 

RANDO

Between my last wrestling stint and this one here, my life was a wreck. A complete wreck. I sat at home and thought that I would never be able to step into the ring again. I thought that I would never be able to come out here and look at all of the fans and see their reactions to my every move. And I really did not want to come back. For a time, I had no intention to ever come back. But one night…something happened. I was flipping through the channels when I happened on a particular show…this show. And I saw a man known as The Purist, telling the world that he was the perfect wrestler, and that he had purified this guy and that guy. And little did I know that by the time I arrived here, he would be a champion. But that just made my arrival that much more sweet to me. Not only would I be able to step up and put myself to the ultimate test…but I would also be able to take some gold home with me.

 

So in 4 days…School will be out. Purist…it’s time for your final vacation. You will be the envy of all the other kids in the school yard. Your summer vacation from the X Title will never end. You will have that time to start that lemonade stand you always wanted, and mow the neighbor’s lawn in the hopes that a special girl next door will come out and try to teach you exactly how to apply the perfect Horizontal Bodylock. But it’s all a dream. It’s all a neverending midsummer nights dream.

 

Well wake up, Mr. Purist. This Sunday will be your last day of school. And the final bell you hear won’t be the end of math class. It will be the end of your reign as X Champion. And as I said a few weeks ago…you may no longer be an X Champion, but you damn sure will be an Ex-Champion.

 

You don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on,

I won't let go 'til it bleeds

 

RANDO

Purist…you do not need to bother. And me, I do not need to do what I am going to do. But I will beat you. You will try to make me slip…but I will hold on and triumphant. And once I have that title…I will not let go until that title bleeds. I will not let go.

 

::”Bother” starts up again as Rando drops the mic to the ground and raises his right fist to the crowd. They erupt as the lights dim to darkness…and as the lights fade up and music fades out…Rando is gone::

Edited May 23, 2003 by Zack Malibu

[Guest Zack Malibu]

"Dream On" fills the air in the arena, as the crowd collectively frowns upon the entrance of the former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Anglesault, and his partner in crime as of late, Brock Ausstin. AS slowly swaggers to the ring, just a few steps behind the mammoth Ausstin. Anglesault parades around ringside, taunting the fans like always, as Brock does his trademark jump to the apron. AS enters, and motions Brock over, whispering strategy to him as their music softens, and eventually disappears.

 

AS' Aerosmith theme is replaced by the "Oh...Ooh...OH!" of "Sexy Boy", and SOME GUY comes struttin' out from the back! The fans pop like mad for the OAOAST veteran competitor, as the cameras show AS looking on in disbelief, not believing how the fans can cheer someone like Some Guy. It's all just a matter of jealousy, as Some Guy has been on a roll since his return, and has now targetted Anglesault.

 

SG stops at the top of the aisleway, just before the ringside area, as his song is cut. The lighting in the arena is shut down, as fans are now familiar with the traditional entrance of the World Champion.

 

BOOM!

 

Wake me up

 

Wake me up inside...

 

The chorus of "Bring Me To Life" hits, and Zack Malibu and Alison emerge from the back to an enormous response! Each one takes a side of the entrance and works the crowd up, then meet in the middle and begin their path to the ring, as AS and Brock stare down Some Guy from their positions in the ring. Zack and Alison make it down the aisle, and Zack stops next to Some Guy, saying something that is not audible. Alison takes the World belt from Zack, and he and SG look up, then charge, sliding under the bottom rope and right into the faces of their foes. Zack pairs off with Brock, while Some Guy and AS start to tear into each other, and the fists start flying! Zack and Brock trade shots, while Some Guy backs AS to the ropes and clotheslines him over to the floor. Over on the other side, Brock knees Zack in the gut, and then swiftly picks him up over his shoulder, going for an F Stunner 5 in the early going! Brock sees Some Guy staring at him from across the ring though, and drops the champ, running at Some Guy but getting grabbed, tossed up and CAUGHT~! with a SOMEBOMB! Some Guy takes his trademark Red Sox cap off finally, as Brock rolls to the floor, clutching his ribs, and is comforted by Anglesault. The fans go nuts as Some Guy high fives Zack and then strikes a pose, taunting Anglesault from the ring and urging him to get his ass in there.

 

Cole:"Only 30 seconds in and we could have seen the end of the match. High impact action, high impact television, it's what the OAOAST is all about!"

 

Zack retreats to the apron, and Brock takes his place there as well, the wind knocked out of him by a surprise SomeBomb. Some Guy and Anglesault square off in mid ring. SG takes him over with an arm drag, but Anglesault gets up, and rather than walk into another one, goes low and takes Some Guy to the mat with a drop toe hold. Anglesault locks on a front facelock, but Some Guy stands up. Anglesault keeps the headlock on him, but Some Guy elbows his way free, and then scoop slams the former aWo leader, dropping him onto the canvas. SG hits the ropes, and raises his arm to drop an elbow, but AS quickly rolls out of the way and Some Guy stops dead in his track. He waits for Anglesault to stand, and throws his arm out for a lariat, but it's ducked, and AS reaches up and then drops Some Guy with a neckbreaker variation! He picks SG up, and holds his arms in a double underhook, but before he can follow through with a move, Some Guy backdrops him! Before SG can even turn around though, Anglesault grabs his ankle while AS himself is on his back, and pulls it out from under SG, sending him crashing to the canvas face first...AS then rolls over and tries the SCREAMS OF NO REPLY, but Some Guy rolls onto HIS back, and kicks AS away, back into the ropes, and then monkey flips him over! Anglesault is dazed, but gets up to one knee, and as Some Guy gets up, rushes him and takes him back to the mat with a double leg takedown, then perches himself on Some Guy's shoulders and starts hammering him with lefts and rights! Some Guy shoves him off, and then Some Guy does the same, sitting above his former partner and hammering him with fists. AS tries to soften the blows with his arms, so Some Guy picks him up, hooking his arms under Anglesault's. He knees him in the ribs several times while holding him like this, and then throws him over his head with a double underhook belly to belly suplex!

 

Coach:"Did you see him just TOSS Anglesault!?"

 

Cole:"Anglesault is one of the very best technical wrestlers in the world. We know that. But more importantly, Some Guy knows that. He's had him well scouted, Coach."

 

Anglesault backs into the corner, calling for timeout, but Some Guy will have none of it. As he approaches, AS jams a thumb in his eye, blinding him, and then AS comes running out of the corner and catches SG with a kneelift. He holds onto Some Guy, and drags him to his corner, where he tags in Brock Ausstin!

 

Anglesault and Brock each tuck their heads under SG's arms, and then plant him on the mat with a double back suplex! Ausstin covers, but the referee is just a hair past one when Some Guy gets his shoulder up! Brock picks SG up, standing behind him for a moment, and then FLATTENING him with a lariat to the back of the neck! He brushes past the referee, and picks Some Guy up again, this time with both hands wrapped around his throat, and lifts him high in the air with a Hanging Choke~! Brock tosses Some Guy hard to the mat, slowly walking around him and grunting. Again, he picks Some Guy off the mat, this time picking him up and pushing him into the corner.

 

Coach:"Why didn't he go for the pin?"

 

Cole:"It's obvious, Coach. Anglesault wants Some Guy as weakened as possible for this Sunday's matchup. He's letting Brock do all the dirty work, so he can cash in at the PPV."

 

Brock sees Some Guy leaning for support in the corner, and charges, crushing him with a corner clothesline. Some Guy slumps even more, as Brock charges again, only this time, Some Guy turns to meet him with an elbowsmash to the chin! Brock staggers back, but then turns and runs forward again, and this time Some Guy moves out of the way completely, causing the big hoss to crash into the corner. Some Guy turns him around, and climbs to the second rope, looking out to the crowd and firing off the ten punch countalong! Brock will have none of it, and shoves SG off, but Some Guy lands on his feet! Brock charges forward, but Some Guy ducks, and then turns back around just as Brock does. Some Guy reaches down, and picks Brock up across his shoulder, and then crushes him with a Samoan Drop! SG looks out to the crowd, who are completely in his favor, and heads to his corner. He extends his hand, and tags his partner, Zack Malibu, into the match!

 

Ausstin is slowly getting up, but before he or Malibu can make a move, Anglesault start yelling "tag me!" to his partner. Somewhat bewildered, Brock looks to see AS reaching in, ready for a tag. Brock goes and obliges, and now Anglesault comes in. He walks to center ring, and he and Zack have a staredown in the ring...their first since Malibu walked away with the World Title at Anglemania 2.

 

Both men stare each other down, the cameras closing in on them, as the fans get more and more vocal, many starting a "Zack" chant that carries through the crowd. Both men take a few steps back, and then meet again, this time with a lockup in the middle of the ring! Zack goes for an arm wringer, but Anglesault counters right away, then switches to a hammerlock. Zack tries to break it, but AS ducks the resulting back elbow, and then scoops Zack up and drops him with an inverted atomic drop! He follows up with a clothesline, but Zack ducks and grabs him in a waistlock, countered by AS, and then countered by Zack into another waistlock, shoving him to the ropes and then rolling Anglesault up...COUNT OF 1 ONLY! AS kicks Zack off, and Zack responds by hitting a basement dropkick to the forehead of AS just as he's getting up. Zack covers him again, but a quick kickout by Anglesault is the result of that.

 

Zack picks AS up, but Anglesault swipes his arms away, and fires off several punches that daze Zack, who then responds by hitting a stiff chop to Anglesault. Zack grabs him by the arm, and tries an Irish Whip, but Anglesault counters and sends Zack into the ropes instead. As Zack bounces off them, Brock Ausstin puts his knee up, causing Zack to stumble forward, and then get TOSSED by a release overhead belly to belly! Anglesault covers, but this time it's Zack who gets a shoulder up, kicking out and popping the crowd.

 

Anglesault goes and tags Brock while Zack is down, and then bigs him up, allowing the big guy to run forward and nearly take Malibu's head off with a big boot! He goes for the cover after that, but again, Zack is able to kick out! He pulls the champion up, and sends him crashing HARD into the corner, the impact sending Zack staggering out to the middle of the mat and right into a patented BEARHUG~! by Brock. He starts squeezing the life out of Zack, whose response is to elbow him in the head until he breaks the hold! Brock breaks in order to shake the cobwebs loose, however Zack tries the ROARING ELBOW~! and it's ducked, and then the bearhug is cinched in again! Again, Zack tries to break, but this time Brock knows better, and instead pulls Zack over and drops him on his neck with a back suplex! Ausstin goes for the cover...2 COUNT!

 

Aggrivated, Brock picks Zack up, and sends him into the ropes. As Zack bounces off the ropes, he reaches out and tags in Some Guy, which Alison points out to the referee. The ref sees it, however Brock didn't! Ausstin put his head down in order to back bodydrop Zack, but Malibu responds by falling to the mat, then firing a punch into Brock's jaw to stun him, and then as he rose up a bit, he gets SPEARED TO THE MAT~! by Some Guy! SG Covers...and the count is broken up by Anglesault!

 

Zack comes running in after Anglesault, but is held back by the referee! As Some Guy gets up and argues with the referee, Brock crawls across the mat and punches Some Guy low! Brock lifts Some Guy up on his shoulders, and Anglesault goes to the top rope, and the duo hit their version of a Doomsday Device~! Some Guy flies off of Brock's shoulders, and Anglesault goes for the pin, passing himself off as the legal man! The referee falls for it, and makes the count...SOME GUY KICKS OUT!

 

Cole:"I think AS thought he had him there!"

 

Anglesault can't believe it, and picks Some Guy up...ANGLE SLAM...NO! Some Guy is able to land on his feet, and spins AS around...SOME BOMB! SOME BOMB ON ANGLESAULT! SG GOES FOR THE COVER...BROKEN UP BY BROCK AUSSTIN!

 

Brock starts pounding on Some Guy, leaving him down on all fours on the mat, and then turns to berate the crowd. As he turns around, he sees Zack run across the ring, and then springboard OFF OF SOME GUY AND FLY AT HIM WITH A BODYPRESS! MALIBU WIPES OUT AUSSTIN! Brock is dazed after that, and now Malibu and Some Guy call to each other, and ready themselves for when he gets to his feet...SCHOOL'S OUT AND SOME KICK IN STEREO~! BROCK GOES FALLING OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!

 

The crowd goes NUTS for the dual superkick, but this has given a groggy Anglesault time to rise up and grab SG's leg from behind...SCREAMS OF NO REPLY! Anglesault has taken SG to the mat, and has his version of the anklelock locked in! Some Guy starts yelling, struggling for the ropes, but he's too far into the ring, nowhere near the sides! Anglesault has a devilish smile on his face, as Zack and Alison get the crowd worked up, all of them cheering for Some Guy!

 

SG struggles to make it to the ropes, but as he gets nearer, AS is able to pull him back, keeping the hold locked on. In a last ditch effort, SG uses his own momentum to turn over, and kick free from Anglesault's grip. He does so, and as he limps to his feet, he swats away an Anglesault dropkick, and then immediately falls to the mat with AS, before he can turn over...SOMEMISSION~! SOME GUY LOCKS IT IN~! Anglesault starts screaming, reaching for something, anything! He grabs the ref by the shirt, but the ref knocks his hand away! SG pours on the pressure, as he's going to make the ex-champion tap here tonight on HeldDOWN~! Anglesault is reaching out, and the groggy Brock Ausstin gets up from being knocked out at ringside, reaching in under the bottom rope and pulling AS' arm closer to the ropes! AS makes the ropes, and the ref admonishes Brock, but calls for the break. Some Guy argues with the ref about what Brock did, but Zack decides to take care of that for SG, running across the ring and sliding down under the ropes, catching the big man with a baseball slide that takes Zack himself out to the floor! Zack looks to the crowd, and raises his arms, motioning his hands that he wants to hear a louder crowd, and then he jumps up on the apron. He stands on the far end, and waits for Ausstin to stand up straight...then does the trademark APRON RUN FLYING CLOTHESLINE~! Ausstin goes down, and Zack lands on the floor as well, albeit in better shape than the big guy!

 

Back in the ring, Anglesault tries a fluke rollup as Some Guy is talking with the ref, and USES THE TIGHTS~!...2 COUNT ONLY! Some Guy gets to his feet, and catches Anglesault coming at him with a spinebuster out of nowhere! He hooks the leg of his former friend, but Anglesault ALSO KICKS OUT AT 2! He picks AS up, and grabs him under his arms, setting up for the SOME BOMB~!...NO! AS RAKES THE EYES! ANGLE SLAM ON SOME GUY...NO! SOME GUY FALLS BEHIND AND LOCKS ON A FULL NELSON! Anglesault struggles, but Some Guy lifts his feet off the ground and slams him, facefirst, on the mat...SOMEMISSION! SOMEMISSION LOCKED IN IN THE CENTER OF THE RING! Anglesault is yelling in pain, and has no choice BUT TO TAP~!

 

Cole:"He tapped out! Anglesault just tapped out to Some Guy!"

 

Some Guy keeps the hold locked in, just as an added "screw you" to his former friend, but not for long, as the ref says to break due to the match being over.

 

Coach:"I think Some Guy found an Achille's heel to use in his favor this Sunday!"

 

"Sexy Boy" hits, as Zack and Alison come in so the victorious team can have their hands raised. Zack and SG hug, while Brock pulls AS, who is holding his neck, out of the ring. They start to walk up the aisle, but AS stops dead in his tracks, and turns back to the ring, only to see Some Guy notice. The two glare at each other, and we'll find out in just a few days who the better man is when they go one on one in a Best 2/3 Falls Matchup!

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Cole:"What a main event tonight, Coach! Mere days away from School's Out, and Some Guy gets the win over his former friend AND the former World Champion, Anglesault!"

 

Coach:"Great, great effort by all those guys. It's been a hell of a show, and we have one more thing to show you. Black Widow has requested camera time following her big win over Crystal here tonight. Widow, I'm...I mean...IT'S all yours!"

 

::Scene fades in on Black Widow, pulling her hair back out of the collar of the black shirt she's dressed in after her match with Crystal earlier. She turns, picks her bag up and slings it over her shoulder, and goes to walk out of the room. She opens the door, but finds an envelope taped to the outside of the door with her name scrawled on it in black crayon. She opens it up to find a cardboard arrow pointing up as it sits in the envelope with 'ROOF' written on it in the same black crayon.

 

Widow studies it for a moment before frowning and setting her bag down. She exits the locker room and makes her way down the hall for a few moments before coming to a set of stairs leading up. The camera follows her as she begins climbing up. Several flights of stairs lead up to the door leading up and out to the roof. Finally, Widow pushes the door open and climbs out. The camera man wasn't anticipating this scenario, and is forced to set his camera on top of the roof while he tries to haul himself up and out. The camera is facing Widow as she walks away, out towards the middle of the roof guardedly.

 

Just as the camera man goes to pick it up, a bright flash takes over the screen, the camera man yelling, "HOLY SHITE", clearly stumbling backwards. As the image comes back into focus, we hear Widow screaming, and see FIRE flaring to life all around her - IN THE SHAPE OF A GIANT SPIDER! The flames follow a track, closing in all around her while she's forced back by the wall of flames. A slamming prompts the camera man to turn back to the roof door, which appears to have fallen shut! His arm comes into frame as he tries to open it but it's LOCKED!

 

"Somebody get the F*ck up here!" he yells.::

 

Michael Cole:

Oh My God! Somebody get up there!

 

Coach

Somebody call the fire department! Arena security! Widow's in the middle of all that!

 

::Widow falls to her knees as the flames close in all around her, the giant spider's threat more ominous than venom. It's almost like seperate tracks are being set off in sequence, one after the other to fill in the shape of the creature all around her. She scrambles backwards on her hands and knees, trying to find save haven from the pursuing fire.

 

BLAM!

 

BLAM! CRACK!

 

BLAM - CRACK - THOOM!

 

The camera turns to the roof door, where a fire extinguisher is busting through the door!

 

BLAM - CRACK - THOOM!

 

KOTZENJUNGE~! and ZORIN~! bust through the door and in the arena the CROWD POPS HUGE! The two haul themselves up and out, armed with fire extinguishers and begin blasting the flames to clear a path to Widow! The camera man is right behind them, the heat distorting the view all around him. The Boogie Knights finally reach Widow, and Kotzenjunge scoops the nearly passed out Widow in his arms. The Knights and the camera man make their way back out of the flames as fire trucks can be heard in the distance.

 

And the flames suddenly die out.

 

An eerie silence falls over the scene as Kotz and Zorin look all around them to make sure all the fire is gone. The two look at each other, and finally Kotz looks into the camera, anger twisting his usually jovial features.::

 

Kotz

Sunday, Poet. The joking's over, you sadistic fuck. We're coming for your belts, and we're coming for YOU.

 

::The scene fades out as Kotz and Zorin take in the scene again, surveying for any further signs of fire . . . ::

[Guest Zack Malibu]

HeldDOWN~! returns from a commercial, though now Michael and Coach are standing OUTSIDE IN THE PARKING LOT, holding mics! There is a scene of chaos behind them, as sirens from police cars and fire trucks wail, and the lights illuminate the otherwise darkened lot.

 

MC:"What...what a way to close the show. They say that the last scene is what sticks with you, and quite frankly, that was the scariest thing I've ever seen. Los Infernales...this whole thing has gone way too far."

 

Coach:"Michael, I don't know what to say. It doesn't look like the fire marshall plans on letting us back in this arena anytime soon. It has been a wild night, one that we won't soon forget. Folks, School's Out is this Sunday, and..."

 

A cameraman runs up to Cole and Coach. The three converse.

 

Cole turns back to the camera.

 

MC:"Fans, it looks like Coach and I are up for questioning by the cops, so rather than hastily close the show on you, it looks like we have more developments in the Totally Endorsed/Dream Machines brawl. Unless we somehow get blamed for this, I'm Michael Cole, along with The Coach, and we'll see you next week!"

 

Michael and Coach drops their mics, and Coach is heard saying "Why do they need to talk to us!?" as we cut to the remaining footage.

 

*When we return to the store, Colvid, Terry and Candie brawl with Parka and PK where the whole thing started: at the entrance near the autograph tables. Eddy, getting his first taste of violence and hating it, hides under a table in the restaurant. PK and Parka seem to be getting the upper hand and try to fight their way to the car and escape, but suddenly Calvin, who managed to lose the crowd in the parking lot while still retaining the 24/7 belt, bursts in and clocks the Machines with a pipe. Calvin, panting from the ordeal, yells to his stablemates:*

 

Calvin:

 

Let’s finish this!!

 

*Colvid and Simmons pick the Machines up from the floor and Candie retrieves a cowering Eddy Kalm, throwing him through the pyramid of Coke before tossing him to Calvin. TE drags their dazed bodies to the autograph table and each man puts a Machines’ head between his legs (Colvid holding Parka on the right, Simmons with Knight in the center, and Calvin with Eddy on the left), hoists him up, and POWERBOMBS HIM THROUGH THE TABLE!!!! Candie applauds as the Machines lay in the wooden remains. Simmons adjusts his suit and turns with Colvid to leave, but Calvin stops them:*

 

Calvin (with a sadistic look in his eyes):

 

Hold it! We’re not done here yet!! (Points) Get that cart.

 

*Colvid and Terry clear the cutouts from a cart and wheel it over. Calvin picks up a near unconscious Parka and puts him into it. Colvid and Simmons, getting the idea, dump Eddy and PK in with him. Calvin wheels it around the registers and backs up a bit, pointing the cart to the area between the entrance and exit doors, where there is a large window that goes from the ceiling to a few inches from the floor, where an aluminum heating board sits. The view is blocked by the large TE portrait that hangs in front of it outside. Calvin smirks and motions to the men, who take hold of the cart and help Calvin get some speed, and then let it go. The cart speeds towards the window, banging to a stop on the heater, but the momentum tips it forward and the Dream Machines go FLYING THROUGH THE WINDOW and topple onto the pavement in front of their car!!! Their force rips the portrait off and it settles on top of them, but the cameraman manages to get a shot of an unconscious and bloody Eddy as we fade out.*

[Guest Zack Malibu]

PROPS:

KingPK

SpiderPoet

CanadianChick

Zack Malibu

Shattered Dreams

Mad Matt

FOSHI

Caboose

IDRM

Paul Stanley's "MYSTERIOUS" attack~

Jimmy Beard