The Amazing Race 4 - Episode 1

[Guest CanadianChris]

THE AMAZING RACE 4

AIRDATE: May 29, 2003

LEG 1: Los Angeles, USA to Cortina, Italy

 

Hi there, reality show fans, and welcome to the fourth edition of the best reality show around, The Amazing Race. Why the best? Well, for starters, they travel. To gorgeous places. LOTS of them. It's like watching the Travel Channel, only more fun. Plus, it has all the good elements from Survivor (team interaction, group dynamics, tactics, interesting challenges, sometimes even alliances) without all the bad ones (walking corpses at the end, eating REALLY disgusting things, people getting voted off the show for no reason). Yes, they had the HORRID finish to The Amazing Race 3, where Zach and Flo The Hideous Shrieking Harpy won the big money in Seattle. (Let's just say even Vince McMahon would have said no one wanted to see that finish.) But, hey, sometimes the bad guys win. It still makes for great viewing seeing how they'll get there.

 

For those of you who've never seen the show before, here's a quick summary of what goes down: 12 teams of two, each of which has a pre-existing relationship, start out from somewhere in the United States, and race to an undisclosed location somewhere in the world. Along the way, they will pick up clues to their next destination, and have to complete certain specified tasks. The team which reaches the destination (or "Pit Stop", in TARspeak) first receives a prize (usually a trip or cruise), while the last team to reach the Pit Stop is eliminated from the race (except if the leg is non-elimination...more on that when they happen). The remaining teams leave the Pit Stop twelve hours after they arrive to start the next leg of the race, racing to another undisclosed location. There are 12 or 13 legs, and the team to reach the final Pit Stop first wins one million dollars.

 

Now that we have the preliminaries out of the way, let's meet the teams this time around:

 

- Tian and Jaree, friends and models. And pistol shooters. And biker chicks. And generally the type of women I could never get in a million years. Nor would I want to, from this interview, as they sound like hosebeasts.

 

- Steve and Dave, friends and airtraffic controllers. Describe themselves and "old, fat, out-of-shape, middle-age guys," who will "try to run the race without breaking a sweat." Hey, a man has to have goals.

 

- Reichen and Chip, two married guys. Married to each other. One of them says he "has a personal vendetta against anyone who makes him feel inadequate because (he's) gay." Okay then.

 

- Millie and Chuck, dating 12 years and...VIRGINS? The hell??? Chuck is afraid of commitment, and Millie says they need to decide if they want to get married or just move on. Gee, ya think? A 12-year relationship as virgins with no plans to get married is at least 10 years too long, in my estimation.

 

- Steve and Josh, father (and corrections officer) and son. They didn't get along before, now they do. Cool.

 

- Russell and Cindy, friends. She wants them to have a relationship (really, REALLY bad, from the looks of the interview), he's not looking for one. Well, this has trouble written all over it. This is starting to remind me of threads in the LSD folder.

 

- Monica and Sheree, friends and wives of Atlanta Falcons. Anyone know which two Falcons those guys are?

 

- David and Jeff, best friends. They like to think they're cunning and strategic. But the whole surfers from SoCal thing really puts a dent in their credibility there.

 

- Amanda and Chris, dating for five years. Wonder if they're virgins, too. They think being "backwoods bumpkins from South Dakota" will make other teams underestimate them. Backwoods bumpkins...probably not virgins, but maybe related.

 

- Kelly and Jon, engaged. A couple of Type A personalities running the race? This oughta be interesting...

 

- Debra and Steve, married. And...rather large. They think they'll have to beat the other teams mentally rather than physically. I wonder if that'll come into play later.

 

- Jon and Al, friends and circus clowns. Geez, they get shot out of a CANNON! I LOVE these guys! (Seriously!)

 

So there you have it. Host Phil Keoghan goes over the rules (as explained above) to the contestants, standing in the middle of Dodger Stadium, in Los Angeles. He gives the word go, and the teams sprint (or, in some cases, waddle) to the parking lot, where a row of Mercedes SUVs are waiting for them. Now, I hate SUVs and all, but I gotta say, SWEET rides. Each SUV has the first clue in it, which directs the teams to LAX to catch a flight to Milan, Italy, as well as $200 spending money (used for everything except airline tickets, which are paid for by the show), which must last each team until the end of the leg. A line of vehicles speeds out of the parking lot...and THE RACE IS ON!

 

(Opening credits.)

 

Right out of the credits, we get our first near disaster, as one SUV nearly sideswipes another. Much confusion as all the teams try to get out of the parking lot...well, all except Tian and Jaree, who are still in the parking lot after discovering their trunk won't close. (HA!) Back to the chase, and...WHOA! Check out the sailor mouth on Amanda! Remind me not to cut her off in traffic. Chris says she can be very sweet, but also has an evil, conniving side. (Obscenity count: 3.)

 

Over to the Virgins' car...OH MY GOD. The identifying graphic for Millie and Chuck reads, and I kid you not: "Dating 12 Years / Virgins." I think if there's anything I wouldn't want publicized on national TV, it's that. David and Jeff have made a wrong turn and meet a dead end. Steve and Dave are first out, followed by Debra and Steve. Models Inc. finally receives a new vehicle, but Phil voices over that they receive no time credit for the breakdown.

 

Various shots of other teams. The Clowns, being from New York, have NO problem at all cutting off Kelly and Jon in freeway traffic. (Did I mention I LOVE these guys?) Kelly, being from Texas, makes a Sopranos vs. Dukes of Hazzard comment. Virgins are close behind. Millie reiterates that if Chuck doesn't ask her to marry him soon, she's going to go jump on the first live body. OK, I made up the last part, but it was implied. Back to Team Potty Mouth's car for more, well, potty mouth. (Obscenity count: 6.) To Steve and Dave's car, where they think being air traffic controllers will give them an advantage at the airport. Can't disagree with that logic.

 

Uh oh...here come da police! The Dukes and Team Potty Mouth freak, figuring he's after one of them, but Monica and Sheree, thinking fast, ask the cop for directions to the airport. He then provides an escort for the Jockettes (as well as the other two not-so-freaked-out-anymore teams). Monica and Sheree figure the other teams will underestimate them as pretty little housewives, based on who they're married to.

 

Teams arrive at the airport. FUNNY moment as Steve (the father) complains about walking to the terminal while Josh (the son) reminds him that "there'll be a lot of walking on this trip," and then barks out "LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO!" Clowns almost take the wrong exit, but swerve back in time. David and Jeff observe the irony of getting lost on the way to an airport they've each been to at least 50 times. Debra and Steve are also lost. Phil informs us about the flights: Swiss Air and Lufthansa leave at the same time, but Swiss Air arrives first. KLM leaves an hour after the first two flight. Only the first 4 teams will get seats aboard Swiss Air.

 

Back in the parking lot, a few teams do a meet and greet aboard the shuttle. Monica and Sheree run screaming toward the about-to-depart shuttle, but Jon tells the driver to ABSOLUTELY NOT let them in, and he leaves without the Jockettes. Kelly then scolds Jon for not thinking about karma. Ah, see, SHE'S seen this show before. We see the Clowns get to the ticket counter first and snag seats on Swiss Air, and then one of them balances the ticket on his nose. (Say it with me...I LOVE these guys!) Virgins are next in line, and get tickets for themselves and Team Potty Mouth for Lufthansa.

 

Now the shuttle arrives, and Kelly and Jon, Reichen and Chip, and Steve and Josh make their way to the ticket counter. Jockettes, who obviously didn't waste much time catching another shuttle, aren't far behind, along with Steve and Dave. Big controversy at the Lufthansa counter, as Reichen and Chip are odd team out. BIGGER controversy at the Swiss Air counter, as Steve and Josh, who were first in line, bought the last set of tickets for Steve and Dave, who were behind the Jockettes. And NOW we finally see Models Inc. unloading their car, and being predictably pissy about it.

 

Closing shots of the three flights. The KLM flight, incidentally, carries Jockettes, David and Jeff, Debra and Steve, Reichen and Chip, and Models Inc.

 

(Commercials.)

 

Phil shows us a shot of the Amazing World Map, with the Amazing Multicoloured Lines showing us the way from L.A. to the connections to Milan. Oooh...Swiss Air is DELAYED, which means the 40-minute advantage the Swiss Air teams thought they'd have has been reduced to only ten. Teams disembark and race for cabs to take them into Milan, to the Galleria Vittorio, a huge shopping complex. The Dukes arrive first, and pull a clue that tells them they must search the Galleria for tickets to one of three charter buses, leaving at either 2, 4 or 6 the next morning. One catch: once they claim a ticket, they can't exchange it. And, of course, Kelly COMPLETELY disregards that part of the clue, and pulls the 4am ticket without thinking, so the Dukes are stuck. As are Russell and Cindy, who were the ones to find the box in the first place. Team Potty Mouth finds the 4am box, but decide to keep looking. Clowns pull the 4am ticket, Virgins find the 2am, and call over Amanda and Chris, who they think are pretty cool people. Josh finds the 2am box next, followed closely by Steve and Dave, and they pull the last two tickets.

 

KLM has just landed, and the 4 teams race off the plane and through the tunnel. Debra succumbs to gravity and falls flat on her face. (FORESHADOWING~!) Jockettes, Madels Inc and Debra and Steve choose cabs, while David and Jeff and the Rainbow Warriors, Reichen and Chip, take the train which they were told was faster. However, they were told WRONG, as the cabs get there first. Josh makes up for his earlier screwing of the Jockettes by leading them to the last ticket on the 4am bus. Jockettes are ecstatic. He did this, and this is a DIRECT QUOTE, because he "really doesn't want those blonde chicks with the fake tits up there." So much for Carlin's Seven Dirty Words. All the other teams on the KLM flight get the 6am bus.

 

(Commercials.)

 

All the teams arrive in Milan at sunset, and set about finding a place to sleep before their charters leave in the morning. Debra and Steve find a hotel, but are told the cheapest room is 50 Euros. Remember, they only got $200 US for the entire leg, so they have to decide if they want to spend a bunch now or save for the rest of the race. Steve decides they should think about it. However, while they're out thinking, a bunch of other teams have descended on the hotel and bought up all the rooms. Steve thinks he's blown it, until Chip says they can share a room. Steve is crying over his mistake back in the room, and Debra comforts him. Awwwwww.

 

Meanwhile, Russell and Cindy decide to sleep in the park. However, a city worker tells them they're not allowed, and Cindy starts bitching about Russell asking, and Russell starts bitching about Cindy's bitching. Russell think they need to work on their communication. I think they need to work on the whole unrequited love thing, but maybe that's just me.

 

On to the charter buses. Phil tells us they're headed to Cortina d'Ampezzo, a ski resort in the (breathtaking) Dolomite Mountains. First bus arrives, and they pull the clue directing them to Cinque Torri. They catch a bus to the mountain, and chairlift until they can see the next route marker (a red and yellow flag, indicating the location of a clue box) and climb to the next clue box which is...

 

A Detour! Now, pay attention...A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. These are cool. This week's Detour is a choice between Search or Rescue. In Search, teams have to go metal detecting on the beach in SoCal. Okay, not really, but it's almost as silly -- teams have to use a homing signal locator to find a key attached to a homing device, buried somewhere in a large field of snow. They take the key to a snowmobile and ride down the mountain. In Rescue, teams climb across a scary-looking narrow rescue bridge across a large gap, followed by a trip across a deep ravine on a zipline and climbing back down the mountain. So it's a choice between safe and long, and not-so-safe and not-so-long. Not surprisingly, everyone on the first bus chooses Rescue.

 

Team Potty Mouth is first across, followed by the Virgins. We get the Helmetside-Cam of Amanda's trip on the zipline, and I must admit, that looks pretty cool. Steve and Josh are next, with Steve saying he loves heights, followed by Steve and Dave. Phil tells us teams must hike back to the chairlift following the zipline, where they pull the final clue, directing them to the Hotel Lajadira in Cortina, which is the Pit Stop for this leg. Last one there's a rotten egg...and also eliminated.

 

The Ominous Tympanis show us Steve and Dave making their way VERY slowly to the zipline.

 

Shots of the other two buses making their way to Cinque Torri precede another shot of Steve and Dave, who need a break very badly.

 

(Commercials.)

 

Back to the mountain, where Steve and Dave have made it to the zipline. Meanwhile bus 2 has pulled into Cortina, and everyone's racing for Cinque Torri...except the Jockettes, who are planning to use the Fast Forward.

 

A word on the Fast Forward: it is a rather ingenious device, one which can allow a team which is dangerously behind to make up ground very quickly. Instead of completing the normal sequence of tasks, a team may perform one task to claim the Fast Forward, then skip ALL remaining tasks and proceed directly to the Pit Stop. (This guarantees nothing, though...a team claimed a Fast Forward in the last race, but were still far enough behind that they were the last team to arrive at the Pit Stop.) There are two catches, though: there is only one Fast Forward in a leg, which means if more than one team goes for it, the team(s) which fail will be even further behind, as they have to go back and complete the normal route; and a team may only claim ONE Fast Forward in the entire race. All that said, the Jockettes are making a BAD decision here, as they are two hours ahead of four teams, and are in no danger of being eliminated, and also will not likely gain significant ground on the teams which are two hours ahead of them.

 

However, they're thinking about it. The task this week is to find a field in Paso Jalli, and climb to the top of a hill in snowshoes. They ask a local merchant to call a taxi for them, but the taxi takes so long that they decide to go for the Fast Forward.

 

"C'MON, FLO!" Now, those of you who saw the last race know that that's the ULTIMATE insult. Apparently, Amanda isn't hiking fast enough for Chris, and they bicker. (Obscenity count: 7.) Amanda is oversensitive, and Chris is overcritical. You know, this team reminds me of a cross between Flo from the last race, and Wil from the race before. And no, that's NOT a good thing, as they were both horrible racers, and all around bad human beings. Meanwhile, the Virgins are hiking very well, and actually pass Team Potty Mouth for first place.

 

Jockettes have found the hill, and hike toward the FF. Millie and Chuck congratulate each other, while Amanda and Chris try to make up, but are still pretty shaky. Jockettes make it to the top, claim the FF, and can go straight to the hotel. But how much time will they make up?

 

Millie and Chuck make it down first, and wait for Team Potty Mouth and Steve and Josh. Together, they take a bus back to Cortina. Dave and Steve, though, are in trouble. Or, more specifically, Dave is in BIG trouble, as he's buggered up his knee on the way down the mountain and can barely move. Steve thinks they should call the real Search and Rescue.

 

(Commercials.)

 

Back to the mountain, where Dave is still struggling. He's a trouper, though, and tries as hard as he can to make it down. At the same time, though, the three teams in front (Team Potty Mouth, Virgins, and Steve and Josh) all make it to the hotel at the same time, and run out back to find Phil and the local greeter waiting for them in front of the mat. The all step on the mat at the same time, and are all in first place. As the winners of the leg, they ALL win a trip to Hawaii. Millie says it's good that they'll all be leaving the Pit Stop together.

 

Dave and Steve are still having a hard time. DAMN, this doesn't look good. But they're not quitting. Good for them, I hope they make it. They finally make it down, and share a bonding moment. Back at the top, though, the next set of teams has made it and are all (unsurprisingly) doing Rescue. The Jockettes make it to the Pit Stop in fourth, so they made up between one and two hours doing the FF...BAD decision.

 

As Kelly and Jon and the Clowns do the zipline, Steve and Dave (YES!!) make it to the Pit Stop in fifth. Russell and Cindy do the zipline next. Meanwhile, the third and final bus is pulling into Cortina, and call cabs. Well, all except Models Inc, who call a cab and then STOP FOR COFFEE. Well, one of them does, anyway. God, I hate these two.

 

The Dukes check in sixth, followed by Jon and Al...wearing CLOWN NOSES!! I LOVE these guys!! Rainbow Warriors make it to the top of the mountain next, by a seemingly wide margin over the other three teams. They say they're quietly making their way up the rankings. Cut to the Russell and Cindy checking in eighth.

 

Debra and Steve and David and Jeff have made it to the mountain now. David and Jeff go across the bridge first. Steve goes next, but Debra's having a REALLY hard time getting across...

 

(Commercials.)

 

Back to the mountain, where Models Inc. lament their bad luck over getting stuck behind the slow team. Debra FINALLY gets across the bridge, getting pulled in by Steve. Tian and Jaree get across like lightning compared to Debra. Back down further, David and Jeff see the snowmobiles and try to get on, but the dude looking after them tells him that they can't use them, because they're meant for the other Detour. Of course, they probably would've figured that out when they couldn't find a key for any of them.

 

Tian and Jaree make it down the zipline first, and do the hike. Tian is ready to run, but Jaree is going slowly. (The following recap segment is brought to you by The Truth.com.) Jaree blames "twenty years of smoking" for her lack of cardiovascular ability. (The preceding recap segment was brought to you by The Truth.com.) The scary thing is, she doesn't look much older than 30. In the interim, Reichen and Chip have made their way to the Pit Stop in ninth.

 

Models Inc. are having problems, but not even close to what Debra is going through. David and Jeff make it to the end of the course, followed by Tian and Jaree, with Debra and Steve surprisingly close behind. David and Jeff make it to the Pit Stop tenth. Who with be eliminated?

 

Tense music accompanies cuts from the Models Inc. cab to Debra and Steve's car. We cut to a shot of the stairs from the hotel to the field...someone's coming...it's Tian and Jaree! They finish eleventh.

 

Sad music accompanies Debra and Steve's sad walk to the mat. "Debra and Steve...you're the last team to arrive. I'm sorry to tell you you've both been eliminated from the race." They're still happy though...Debra got to do things she never would've gotten to do otherwise. She thinks Steve's proud of her, and she's proud of herself. Steve's happy he gets to spend the rest of his life with Debra. Awwwww.

 

THE LAST WORD: A good opening leg, although the Detour was lame. We have some interesting dynamics between the teams, and some clear faces and one definite heel team emerged from the pack. The Jockettes' decision to go for the Fast Forward when they weren't in trouble will likely to come back to haunt them later. I was sorry to see Debra and Steve go after thinking I'd hate them, but I called it from the start...their lack of physical conditioning cost them right off the bat. If they'd been in shape, they definitely could've polished off Models Inc.

 

NEXT WEEK: A snow rafting course...minus the raft for one of the Dukes. And a trip to Venice. (Ahh, Venice.)

 

Feedback is always appreciated.

[Guest hardyz1]

Nice recap.

 

A funny note on Jaree and her "20 years of smoking" comment. On the official TAR site, it has biographies of every contestant, with ages. Except Jaree. Tian is 30, but Jaree apparently didn't want to give up that info.

[Guest starvenger]

According to Reality News Online (which I'd consider to be THE source for reality show news, recaps etc. the Falcons wives are Monica Ambrose and Sheree Buchanan, who are married to Ashley Ambrose (who apparently is now with the Saints) and Ray Buchanan.

 

That being said, GREAT recap. Maybe you should submit this to RNO and see what they think...