Tape reviews

[Guest DARRYLXWF]

Firstly, it's a rainy day, I'm bored and it's times like this I randomly select a tape review by that keith guy.

 

Seeing as though the site is stuffed at the moment, is there any other way of accessing the tape reviews? Any other website that have'em???

[Guest RSPWFAQ]

Firstly, it's a rainy day, I'm bored and it's times like this I randomly select a tape review by that keith guy.

 

Seeing as though the site is stuffed at the moment, is there any other way of accessing the tape reviews? Any other website that have'em???

We're working on getting the tape review archives back up as another temporary measure.  The problem is that I converted most everything into the database, which is currently offline.  Again, we may get it back up soon, but no promises.

 

If anyone has requests, ask away and I'll just post them here out of my own copies.

[Guest DARRYLXWF]

Thanks, I'm specifically after St. Valentines Day Massacre and Slamboree 95.

[Guest The Masked Yodeler]

Go here: http://web.archive.org/web....ult.asp

[Guest RSPWFAQ]

Thanks, I'm specifically after St. Valentines Day Massacre and Slamboree 95.

I don't recall ever doing Slamboree 95, but here's St. Valentine's Day Massacre.

 

The Netcop Rant for St. Valentine's Day Massacre

 

 

 

- Live from Mempho

 

 

 

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler, who gets a mega-pop and

 

a "Jerry" chant to boot.

 

 

 

- Really cute promo to start.

 

 

 

- Opening match:  Goldust v. Bluedust.  Well, gee, I suppose that if we

 

thought REALLY hard we could think of a worse opener, but I don't see

 

how.  Goldie does his usual stuff and then a comedy match erupts.

 

Meanie humps Dustin's leg, and then Dustin spanks him.  Eww, I didn't

 

need to see Meanie's ass.  Goldust goes for the Shattered Dreams, but

 

Bluedust escapes and misses the moonsault (of course).  Curtain Call,

 

goodnight Meanie.  *  Goldust kicks him in the nuts for good measure.

 

 

 

- Heat hilights:  Austin and McMahon take out their aggression on each

 

other.

 

 

 

- Hardcore Title Match:  Al Snow v. Bob Holly.  This is apparently for

 

the vacant title.  Cole says that this will go a long way towards

 

erasing the memory of Sparky Plugg.  BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Are you NUTS,

 

Cole, that joke will haunt Holly forever.  We head back to the dressing

 

room right away, where there are conveniently tons of foreign objects

 

laying around.  Then out of the building, for a fight in the great

 

outdoors.  I can't believe Snow, who I just watched in a **** match with

 

Chris Benoit from 1995, has been reduced to this nonsense.  We head down

 

to the riverbank, as Snow rips apart a fence and introduces Holly to his

 

girlfriend, "Barbie Wire".  Wasn't that a Pamela Anderson movie?  Holly,

 

of course, gets tossed into the water and they do a river sequence.

 

Holly finds a roll of fencing and wraps Snow up in it, getting the pin

 

and the Hardcore title.  Because when you think of Hardcore, think

 

Sparky Plugg.  But hey, if you can't get him over as a wrestler, get him

 

over as a brawler, I guess.  **1/2  This was good enough.

 

 

 

- Earlier today, the Ministry has a bonding moment.

 

 

 

- Big Bossman (w/ nightstick) v. Midion (w/ eye).  Oh, this is so fun.

 

I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say a huge "BORING" chant

 

breaks out.  After about 8 minutes of shit, Bossman hits the Bossman

 

Slam for the pin.  Lights out, and the Ministry beating begins.  Please,

 

Mabel, injure Bossman so he doesn't wrestle anymore.  Bossman gets

 

carried to the back by the Ministry.  Yeah, I care.  DUD

 

 

 

- WWF Tag Team Title match:  Don't Piss On Canada v. D'Lo Brown & Mark

 

Henry.  Dull match.  The faces control for the first couple of minutes

 

until Owen and Jarrett sucker D'Lo into the corner and take over, which

 

is a Good Thing because D'Lo is talented and Henry isn't.  Cole decides

 

to use Hitler's Big Lie theory, again calling Owen a 5-time tag team

 

champion.  D'Lo manages to hit a running powerbomb out of the corner to

 

allow the hot tag to Sexual Chocolate.  A brawl erupts, and D'Lo gets

 

the Skyhigh for two.  He goes to the top, but Debra shows some skin to

 

distract him.  Ivory yanks her down and they tease a catfight, while

 

Henry goes for the kill on Jarrett.  In the confusion, Owen smashes the

 

guitar into Henry's bad knee (psy-col-o-gy?) and Jarrett hooks the

 

figure-four for the win.  Ivory rips Debra's jacket off for good

 

measure.  *1/2  Not horrible or anything, but this show is dragging.

 

Although it's been less than a hour so far.

 

 

 

- Mankind interview.

 

 

 

- WWF Intercontinental title:  Ken Shamrock v. Val Venis.  Special ref

 

Billy Gunn gets the catchphrase in, of course.  Ryan's dress is barely

 

there, although Val must have read my RAW rant because he makes sure he

 

goes in under the MIDDLE rope this time.  Damn.  The match is nothing,

 

as Ken kicks away at Venis and argues with Gunn.  Venis comes back with

 

his usual, playing the heel for some reason.  Crowd is dead.  Val rams

 

Shammy into the post backfirst and goes for the CAMEL CLUTCH OF DOOM~!

 

Cole then segues into a discussion of the Iron Sheik, who is there

 

tonight for god knows what reason.  I mean, THE IRON FUCKING SHEIK?

 

Billy Gunn might be a passable wrestler, but he's a horrible referee.

 

Why is this dog getting so much time?  Cole fills time by plugging

 

upcoming shows.  Shamrock gets a DDT, but Gunn counts two and then

 

stops.  Ah, double screwjob coming up, I can see.  Shamrock isn't

 

impressed and tells Gunn so, using the word "fuck" in there somewhere in

 

a Scott Steiner moment.  Venis with the Perfectplex but Gunn slow counts

 

him too.  Oh, lord, I can just feel the no decision.  Venis puts

 

Shamrock down and goes for the Money Shot, but Shamrock tosses him down

 

and hits the rana for one.  A slow one count at that.  Shamrock snaps

 

and applies the ankle lock, but Gunn ignores Ryan pulling Val to the

 

ropes.  Shamrock is upset and shoves Gunn, who decks Shamrock back and

 

tosses him in the ring...for the Venis pin?!?  What the hell?  Venis is

 

the NEW Intercontinental champion and I had no clue that was coming.

 

Match was **-ish, nothing horrible but pretty boring.  Gunn beats up

 

Venis for the hell of it.

 

 

 

- Mr. Socko has a t-shirt.  Yes, the sock now gets residuals.

 

 

 

- Kane & Chyna v. HHH & X-Pac.  You know, this really isn't a fair

 

fight, because 3 of the people only have one name, and Helmsley has

 

three, so it's kind of 4-on-2.  Man, I wish I could shoot pyro out of

 

the furniture when *I* walked into the room.  Kane and HHH have matching

 

tights tonight.  Shane is providing color commentary and being a dick.

 

Kane wipes out X-Pac and tags in Chyna, who ends up in the corner and

 

almost takes a Broncobuster (which, from the sounds of it, would've

 

gotten a huge pop).  HHH gets to play talentless-hack-in-peril for a

 

bit, which is cool because selling is about all he does well.  Chyna

 

makes a pretty good accounting of herself, selling and dishing out with

 

the boys punch-for-punch.  Damn, this is pretty fucking intense match.

 

D-X double suplexes Kane and tosses Chyna off the top onto Kane, then

 

double-DDTs Kane, who no-sells.  Kane misses a charge to the post and

 

X-Pac decks Shane.  X-Pac gets dumped on his head back in the ring to

 

make him pothead in peril.  Chyna is doing more than HHH usually does,

 

with more intensity.  X-Pac is just taking a hellacious asskicking here.

 

HHH gets the hot tag and absolutely decks Chyna, then dumps Kane over

 

the top rope.  Hunter with the high knee (sigh), but Kane pulls him out

 

of the ring and they brawl.  Chyna ends up in the corner again and this

 

time X-Pac really does hit the Broncobuster to a big pop.  Shane attacks

 

from behind and X-Pac chases him back to the dressing room, while HHH

 

takes out Kane, which then leaves Chyna alone with HHH.  Facebuster, but

 

Kane breaks up the pedigree attempt and chokeslams Hunter, putting Chyna

 

on top for the pin.  GREAT MATCH!  ****, no shit.  I'm seriously wanting

 

to see a singles match between HHH and Chyna now.

 

 

 

- WWF World title match, Last Man Standing:  Mankind v. The Rock.  Big

 

pop for both guys.  They go fighting to the entranceway almost

 

immediately.  Rock DDTs Mankind through a table and they fight back in

 

some more.  I can't really be objective for this match because I'm

 

wearing my official "Smell What the Rock Is Cookin'" T-shirt.  Back to

 

the ring, where Foley actually tries his own version of the People's

 

Elbow, but it misses.  Rock beats on him outside the ring and does some

 

commentating.  Mankind takes him out and drops the big elbow off the

 

apron, onto Rock, who is laying on the table.  Mankind tosses the stairs

 

into the ring and charges Rock, but Rock blocks with his foot and Foley

 

eats the stairs.  Rock grabs a chair and goes nuts on Mick's leg, and I

 

have momentary fears of a repeat of the Royal Rumble booking.  It is

 

smart psychology, however, because you have to stand up to win.  Rock

 

does the old "miss the chairshot, bounce it off the top rope, and hit

 

yourself in the head with it" bit and Mick follows with the Cactus

 

Clothesline.  Neckbreaker on the floor, and Mick brings him back over

 

to the re-assembled commentator's table and tries a piledriver.  Rock

 

reverses and backdrops Mick onto the timekeeper's table, smacking Mick's

 

head on the edge of the commentator's table in the process.  Rock climbs

 

in the ring, grabs the stairs, and tosses him down onto Foley's leg!

 

OUCH!  Back in the ring for the Corporate Elbow.  Rock grabs the mic and

 

does the "Most electrifying..." line, which the crowd finishes for him.

 

Holy shit, my boy Rocky is crazy over.  Rock debuts "Smackdown Hotel" on

 

PPV, and the crowd finishes singing the chorus for him.  Wild.  Foley

 

climbs up and applies the Mandible Claw, presumably to stop the bad

 

singing.  Hebner gets bumped by Rock.  He slowly climbs in and delivers

 

an 8 count to Rock.  Rocky takes a swing with the chair, but misses and

 

Mankind gets the DDT on the chair for a 9-count.  Mr. Socko is out and

 

put to use, but Rocky reverses to the Rock Bottom.  Both guys grab a

 

chair and do a simultaneous chairshot, which puts both out for a

 

10-count, and we have a draw.   Big-ass "Bullshit" chant from the crowd,

 

but Mick is still the champ.  And this should probably set up

 

Wrestlemania nicely.  ****

 

 

 

- Main Event:  Steve Austin v. Vince McMahon.  And it all comes down to

 

this.  McMahon starts running right away, before they even get into the

 

cage.  They fight into the crowd for a bit, and Vince tries climbing

 

into the cage to escape.  Austin follows him up, and Vince sends a

 

message to everyone on his roster by taking a model SUPER MAN-SIZED WITH

 

CHEESE AND BACON ULTRA-BUMP, going flying off the cage and crashing

 

through the Spanish announce table and doing a stretcher job.  Now

 

everyone who thinks Vince is being selfish for booking himself in the

 

main event can kindly shut up, I hope.  But that's not enough for

 

Austin, who rightly points out that the match isn't even started yet,

 

and sends Vince's stretcher slamming into the cage for another MAN-SIZED

 

BUMP, then drags him into the cage to begin the ass-whooping.  Vince

 

gets literally no offense, as Austin batters him from one side of the

 

cage to the other and walks out, but Vince flips him the bird, causing

 

Austin to change his mind.  He beats on Vince some more, tossing him

 

from the top of the cage to the mat at one point, then ramming him into

 

the cage twice, as Vince does a primo blade job.  Austin climbs

 

out...but Vince offers him another pair of middle fingers to show his

 

appreciation, and Austin again turns back for more punishment.  Another

 

beating follows, then the Stunner.  Austin gives Vince the

 

bad-mouth...and who should break through the ring, but Paul Wight!

 

Vince yells at Wight to kill Austin, so Wight tosses Austin into the

 

cage like a child, and the cage breaks.  Austin falls to the floor and

 

wins the match.  Good ending, and great effort from the 50-year old

 

Vince.  ***  Now this is the satisfying thrashing that we've been

 

waiting for, and once Austin wins the title at Wrestlemania, he can

 

hopefully move onto feuding with Titan, who *was* identified as Paul

 

Wight by Cole and Lawler.  Not-The-Giant consoles Vince as we're at the

 

end of the show.

 

 

 

The Bottom Line:

 

 

 

Well, it was looking to suck for the first hour, but that sucker sure

 

picked up at the end.  This breaks the string of mediocre PPVs with a

 

good effort from the top card here, and hopefully Wrestlemania will

 

follow the same pattern.

 

 

 

Thumbs up, especially since I wasn't expecting much from this show.

[Guest Judas14]

Maybe Uncensored 1996?

[Guest Tomato Can]

Sweet Jeebus, could you be any more of a fanboy?

[Guest Tomato Can]

Dude, don't edit your post like that.  Just admit your fanboy-ism and move on.  It's not the end of the world.  Maybe you could teach a "Wrestling Rants and Scott Keith" class at a university!

[Guest The Masked Yodeler]

What did Judas say that caused you to slam him?

[Guest Judas14]

What did Judas say that caused you to slam him?

I made a comment that compared the various "How stupid can WCW be to book this" comments Scott put throughout the Uncensored Rant to that of chorus of Greek Tragedy style play (for those who don't know what a Greek Chorus is, it's a group of people in a play who's job is to yell 'Don't do that!!!!' to the characters in the play whenever they do something stupid or dangerous).

[Guest The Masked Yodeler]

Why did you edit it?  That's actually kinda funny.

[Guest RetroRob215]

GREAT MATCH!  ****, no shit.  I'm seriously wanting to see a singles match between HHH and Chyna now.

Those were the days...

[Guest Tomato Can]

Judas, I apologize.  Frankly, I think you've caught enough shit for your SK-fanboyism on this board, and my post was needlessly asshole-ish.  The fact that it actually made you edit your post made me feel kinda bad about it.

 

So, again, my apologies.

[Guest DARRYLXWF]

Wow, I WAS MENTIONED on Scotts Slamboree 95 RANT! This has gotta be like, the biggest, like, hugest, like, more betterer thing that has happened to me.

[Guest J*ingus]

Hey Scott, if you're taking requests for rants:

 

Road Wild '99.  

 

I TRIPLE dog dare you.

[Guest JAMES900]

Yeah do Road Wild 99 i mean it cannot be worse than what the wwf are pumping out at the moment can it?

[Guest spman]

Screw that WCW Trash, let's see IYH 1 or Tuesday in Texas

[Guest Judas14]

Yeah do Road Wild 99 i mean it cannot be worse than what the wwf are pumping out at the moment can it?

Depends if Scott does a serious rant on Road Wild 99 or if he does a more humor oriented rant on the show. And given how Road Wild was the PPV that kickstarted the "Dead Man Walking" period of Eric Bischoff's tenure as the guy in charge of WCW, I'd perfer to see Scott do a serious rant on it rather than a humor driven rant like he did with the recently posted Slamboree 95 rant....

[Guest HellSpawn]

like the guys said... Road Wild 1999

 

Hopefully in a less bitter-with-WWF/WCW-and-becoming-purohead SK.

[Guest]

Could you post Royal Rumble 2002

[Guest MARTYEWR]

I request a re-rant of ECW November To Remember 97, including at least 5 paragraphs of the fabled Sabu-Sandman classic.

 

If that didn't sound smart-assed enough a review of "Best of Gedo", if there is such a tape, would be satisfactory as well.

[Guest J*ingus]

Indeed, RFVideo sells a little gem under the title of "Best Of Jado & Gedo: Japanese Dynamic Duo", which has no less than 18 matches starring the BIG JAPANESE PUSSY himself.

[Guest Judas14]

Indeed, RFVideo sells a little gem under the title of "Best Of Jado & Gedo: Japanese Dynamic Duo", which has no less than 18 matches starring the BIG JAPANESE PUSSY himself.

Who's Gedo and Jado and why are they hated again?

[Guest RetroRob215]

Judas, you should be ashamed, Scott has bitched them out in both J-Cup rants.  As far as I know they are two puro wrestlers.  I know they fought in WAR, and one (or both) had a short stint in WCW in 97(?).

[Guest Tomato Can]

Gedo and Jado are actually good now.  No bullshit.

[Guest HellSpawn]

Who's Gedo and Jado and why are they hated again?

oh c'mon, Judas, I cant believe you dont know who Gedo is.

The momment SK read your comment he will be sad, he's biggest fan dont remember SK's most hated wrestler.

 

I guess SK hate for Gedo was born in 95-96, when mr Gedo beat Wild Pegasus in one of the Super J tournaments.

 

Shame on you Judas.

[Guest Mark4steamboat]

Jedo fought Jericho at Halloween Havoc 98 i believe it was.

[Guest]

Jericho fought Raven at Havoc 98, I th.... no, that was Saturn. I dunno.

[Guest J*ingus]

No, it was Jericho vs. Raven at HH98.  Mostly memorable for being one of Raven's last really good matches.

[Guest Tomato Can]

Gedo-Jericho was at HH97.  It was a pretty solid match, nothing spectacular, though.