OMG TEH SWF NEWZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!~~~~~~~#!&#)(*!)

[Guest LukewarmNewzWIRE~!]

OMG TEH SMART SMARKS WRASSLIN FEDERTETION IS GOING TO GET A LETHAL INDUCTION OF MY COCK!!! AND DUN FOR GET HOT NEWZ~!!!!!!!

 

BUT THIS ISN"T HOT NEWZ SAD:Y!!! THIS IS< SURPRISINGLY< A NEWZ COLEM BY NONE OTHER THAN HOT NEWZWIRES VERY ODL AND MATURE SON LUKE!!!!! BUT TI BE FUNNY AND WITTY I CHANGED MY MIDDLE NAME TO "WARM " AND ISNCE OUR LAST NAME IS NEWZWIRE~! I CAN BE CALLED

 

LUKEWARM NEWZWIRE~!!1

 

AN IM HERE OFFICLAY TO TELL YOU TAHT I AM REPORTING FOR THE ES DUB EF OR WHATHEFUCKEVER CU Z IMMA COMPETE WITH ME FATERH WHO DOES OAOOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAAOAOAOAOOAAOOAOAOAOOAST REPOttS1!!!

 

nEwayz! So I here theres a paper view coming up!!! So i said to myself "Mr Newzwire (me, not my dad lOL) what can I tlka about to make people interesting in my work aroudn herre? And myself said 'Talk to Edward McPhish!; and I sez "Edwinard!? I sed I wanted to be KEWL, not a NERD LOOSER who likes POKEMON and wears COCK RINGs and sings about hsi friend ERIN being GAY!!!!!' So I decided to talk to dadY! and Daddy (whois SUICIDE KING because he'sso kool I can call himDADDY!) and he sez "MAke fun of Neilsen of the (Me: MOTHERFCUKING!") JUNGLE! So without fear and ado!!

 

 

NIELSEN SI SUTPID!!!

 

NEWAzy~!!!1 So there's a Paper View CUMMING UP! ANDI HAVE THE INSIDE SCOOP because I had SEX with Annie Elector (LONG STORY! see I cross dresser asa very sexy woman named Miiss Glaata! So Annie said she wanted my body andwho was I to resist!? She was already in XTC by the time she discovered my trowser browser!) and SHE got me into teh FRONT OFFICE and I stole THE BOOKING SHEET SPOILERZS form none other than COMMISH SUICIDE!!!1

 

WARNING SPOILERZ~!

 

 

SFW THIRTEEN HOURS!!!!!!! IT IS CALLED THIS BECAUSE MR GILATA MAKES THIRTEEN HOUR-YEAR OLD CHILDREN CRY~!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Shawn AtLast vs. Michelle Van Siclen is a very kewl match but in the end Mike sez "IMMA MAKE YOU EAT THAT GODDMAN PIE!" and ever1's like WTF?! Because they dun understand INSIDE JOKZ LIKE ME. NEWayz since Cahtc 22 si avery UNCOOL stable they dont help or anything so Atlast WINS when he makes Mike tap out to a move called "Jesus is really a crossdresser (see hwat happens is he has a statue of Jesus and he dresses it in womans clothez and he hits Mike over the head with it till he TAPS OUT!)

 

THEN WE HAVE DACE KNIGHT AND CANANANANANDAIN INTELLIGENCE AGENCEY! and every1 sys "Canadian Intelligence?! and they say "OXYMORON!" and CIA says "I'm nto a moron, I'm SMART!" And Dace BRINGS OUT THE WEEDWHACKER! But he uses it on a potted plant at ringside! And so then he drives a CAR out and he tries to run over CIA and he DOESS! And then he gives him a STUNNER and drinks BEER and then celebrates with his Trinity friends for 20 minutes and then pins CIA one two three!

 

The Snowman and Donglicker Pete face off with the GAY and I SERIOSULY MEAN GAY tag team champs Justice and Fools! andthe CHAMPS win by COUNT OUT after Frost gets the OLD SPIRIT AGAIN! But the OLD SPIRIT is when he dresses like Britnnay Spears (even iwht THONG!) and dances singing baby "one more time"! anD LDP just covers his face in pure embarrasssment!

 

An we have another BORING Cravin(manass!) and Mak segment! And Mak says "I GET MORE PUSSY THAN YOU" and ASH says "YEAH WELL AT LEST I HAD A CHILDREN! YOU CRIPPLE AND CANT GET YOUR DICK TO STAND UP!" and crowd goes "OOOOOOOOOH!" and Mak starts crying ! But then Bobbie Rielly says "Yeah Ash but how do you know that?!" and Ash smiles in disbelief!

 

AND NOW DANNE WILLIAMS DEFENDS AGAINST NONE OTHER THAN..................

 

 

 

 

 

STUBBY "POTTS" MCWEED! And Stubbs wins in 2 seconds wit an eyelash lock and beigns his RAIN OF TERRORISM!

 

AND NOW ITS STONER KIBIGAMI VERS WANnaBE STONER JANUS! and KIBS says "Janus, let's just go light ONE up!" and janus says "OKAY!" but then Silent LIGHTS ONE UP ON HIS FACE!!! and they challenge each other to an INFERNO MATCH RIGHT NOW and Janus wins with a backslide!

 

NOW ITS CARRER VS> CAREER WHEN TNT FECES TODD DEkINDES! AND Tod DEGRADES america before the match, saying that New Mexico doesn't have enough trees! And teh crwod boos relentlsssly! So TNT runs out and hits TOD with a STEEL AMERICAN FLAG and pins him with one toe!

 

and then NEW BUMPERS V'a'a'i'g'a' and CROW arrive at teh arena liek old buddies! And they say "Much like the show, Tough Enough, we are friends even in victory and defeat." but then MOTHERFCKIING SPIDER NEKURA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUNS IN AND HITS THEM BOTH AND SAYS "WHEN YOUR WITH THE MOTEHRFUCKING CLAN YOUR DOWN FOR LIFE!!" AND *THOTH* comes out and begins giving Spider a FIERCE POUNDING OF TEH ASS (AKA ANAL BLITZKRIEG!) AND IT ALL COMES FULL CIRCLE AS WEHAVE ANOTHER SWF STABEL!!

 

TomFlesher vs. Bostom Strangler with the Title on the line! And Flesher wins with a FOREIGN OBJECT HIDING IN HIS TIGHTS! but the ref says NO! Dusty Finsh!!!!!! and Strangler puls a FOREIGN OBJECT outta his pants IF YOU SMELL WHAT TEH NEWZ IS COOKIN! and he COCKSLAPS Flesher and winz teh title!

 

OMG! BEST PPV EVER!

===================================

 

Now this is teh sgement where I report newz from teh FARM LEAGUE SJL!!

 

===================================

 

*Duran Duran RULEZ! I know this because I asked him if he ruled and he confirmed it with a satisfied "Yes!"

 

*Aecas is literally NOT Crow. I confirmed this when I saw Crow standing next to Aecas and I couldn't believe my eyes so I waved my hand in front of my eyes to see if I was really seeing it but I was seeing this amazing thing andI just can't beleive and am befuddled that Aecas is not Crow!

 

*scOtt sOlOmOn is a nice young up and cummer!

 

*I wish htat Charle "fuckign" Matthews would choke on a goddamn cock (Strngler's!) and die to death becuz he's a ufcking tool!

 

*I gotz newz from girlz that SPIKE FUCKIN JENKINS!!! is the hottest ticket to sex in teh SJL! all the girls are CRAVEN him! speakn of CRAVEN I aske Ash fi he liked Spike and Craven replied with "He is a fine young up and cummer ;;;;;;;;;;;;" and I slapped his ASs for makin sucha gay face at me!!

 

*BLAZENWING quit and every1 say BOO FUCK HOO! now! LOLMAO actuall NO1 CAREZ! and teh ONLY reasn he got a JOB {PUN ROFLMAO} was cuz he sucked Bob Reily!

 

==================================

 

SIGN IDEAS FOR AN SWF SHOW!!

 

==================================

 

*Shooutout to Dace Danny Card Crow Janus Superstar Zed Doggah Tom King and a very special hey good looking to Spike Jennykins!!!! (ITZ FUNNY BECAUSE ITS A SHOOT!)

 

*Frost needs to LOSE WEIGHT!

 

*John 3:16

 

*STRANGLER mows my GOLFING GREEN (it'z funny cuz it's true!!!!!)

 

*WilChil nee' sto tolkin in ebonics cha! ITS AMERICA SO SPEAK LIKE A FULL BLOODED ONE HUNDRED PERCENT LOUD AND PROUD GOD BLESS AMERICAN!!!!!! (may not fit on a sign but IT NEEDS TO BE TAKEN HEED)

 

*H VILLE THUG G MOWS MY WEBSITE (see TWO ABOVE LOL)

 

*HEY THOTH I GOT UR NUDE VOLLEYBALL RIGHT HERE! (with arrows pointing EVERYWHERE sending thoth on a WILD GOOSE chase trying to find it!)

 

=================================

 

IN TEH END BY LINCOLN PARK!

 

=================================

 

Well this is the END of my REPORT FOR THE TIME BEINGZ! an PLEASE leave FEeDBACK becaus I am NeW(z) at this so I would apreciate some encouragement! an if oyu dont like it it makes me sad :( :(

 

an IF you watnt o know what I look like herez teh pic!ture!

 

 

GOROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

 

 

:( :( End.

[Guest The Superstar]

 

...

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 17, 2003 by The Superstar

[Guest Grand Slam]

At times like this, that modly "delete" button looks pretty keen...

[Guest Ace309]

*Duran Duran RULEZ! I know this because I asked him if he ruled and he confirmed it with a satisfied "Yes!"

 

[Guest chirs3]

SFW THIRTEEN HOURS!!!!!!! IT IS CALLED THIS BECAUSE MR GILATA MAKES THIRTEEN HOUR-YEAR OLD CHILDREN CRY~!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Guest LukewarmNewzWIRE~!]

Mark it lookz like you need some happy cheerin up Poison! So if u dont know waht this is about just clikc the link at the bottom of my REPLY cuz it shows what we're all about! Those were writen by my dad and stuff so you no this isnt SPAM!

 

HOT NEWZ ARCHIVE~!!1

[Guest HollywoodSpikeJenkins]

*I gotz newz from girlz that SPIKE FUCKIN JENKINS!!! is the hottest ticket to sex in teh SJL! all the girls are CRAVEN him! speakn of CRAVEN I aske Ash fi he liked Spike and Craven replied with "He is a fine young up and cummer ;;;;;;;;;;;;" and I slapped his ASs for makin sucha gay face at me!!

Right....

[Guest Suicide King]

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

This is the best thing to come to the SWF since NTD!!!!!!!

 

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

AND NOW ITS STONER KIBIGAMI VERS WANnaBE STONER JANUS! and KIBS says "Janus, let's just go light ONE up!" and janus says "OKAY!" but then Silent LIGHTS ONE UP ON HIS FACE!!! and they challenge each other to an INFERNO MATCH RIGHT NOW and Janus wins with a backslide!

 

Oh my god. I have never laughed so hard at the world "backslide." In moderation, this really is the best thing ever.

[Guest LukewarmNewzWIRE~!]

Hay~! I wood like to thank EVERY1 for teh FEEDDBACK and SUPPORT!!!1 it is VERY MOTIVatonal AND expect smoe MORE next MONHTS!!!!!!!!

 

and 2 Mr. King and Mr. Mclelenelnelned:

 

:wub: write back atcha~!!!!!!

[Guest Ace309]

Luke, you're the handsomest guy in the whole Community board.

[Guest Powerplay]

After reading the entirity of that...

 

 

May God have mercy on us all.