OMG TEH HOT NEWZ ARCHIVEZ!~(#_!*(

[Guest The Superstar]

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November 25, 2002

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HOT NEWZ & VIEWS & OPINIONS~!!111

 

Whatz up my peeplz! This iz your regular HOT NEWZ reporter! However, CRZ decided 2 b GHEY and close down his site! That’s ok though! I thought it wsa GHEY anyway! PLUS my site is bettar! But than geocities decided 2 b GHEY and not let me post UPDATES! So here I am in the SMART SMARKS FORUMS! ESPECIALL Y the OAOAST becuz I THINK it is intreging and FUN and CWM is sexy~! BAN AGNES!!!!!11111

 

SO TONIGHT IS BREAKUP I MEAN DOWN LOL~! At least when I was writing this it is! And then I discovered that my Friend’s brother’s dad’s mistress’ grandfather actually gave birth to Tony the Body (HE’s A BASTARD AND HIS GRANDDADDY SAID SO LOL) and he showed me thhe booking sheet for BREAKDOWN~! However, I have reworded things to make them more exciting~! HOWEVER THE RRESULTS ARE STILL THES AME GUARENTEED~!

 

*The first thing that happenz is Good Old JR Jim Ross introduces his new broadcast partner! And THAT MAN IS ACE VENTURA”S LESS FAMOUS SON JESSE! Jesse of course took his Viagra before he came out here LOL~!

 

*Reject vs. Thunderkid – This opening match is declared a no contest when Alfdogg comes out and asks Reject to join the Deadly Alliance. However, Reject says no and the referee calls for the bell! Then Alfdogg gives Reject a Thunderbolt DDT and him and TK spraypaint “THE DEADLY ALLIANCE OWNZ YOU YOU PIECE OF EVERLASTING GOBSTOPPER SHIT~!” (that might not all fit on his back but what the hell LOL)

 

*Backstage Nose Mistry says he will BAN AGNES FOR GOOD! The crowd is dead because they don’t know who Agnes is because they aren’t INSIDERS!

 

*Angle-plex vs. Nase Mistry – The crowd chants “Ban Agnes” lol! However AP actually wins (!) when CWM comes into the ring! And he says “I will do you all a favor and FINALLY ban Agnes since I am a mod!” but then he hits Naz Mistry with Agnes’ Christmas Monkey! And AP gets the pin! After the match AP tries to make out with CWM but he sez “I’m not ghey you FAGGOT!” and hits HIM with the monkey!

 

*Backstage The Superstar gets in a fistfight with some GHEY guys who want to feel his legs. (Suggested quote for SS: “MY LEGS ARE HAIRY, BITCHES!”)

 

*THREE STAGES OF HEAVEN LOL: The Superstar vs. Evenflow DDT – Supposedly Evenflow has a new gimmik called “The Golem” but he died in Lord of the Rings LOL! So anyway Evenflow winz the first fall by Disqualification when Superstar runs into the turnbuckle and goes delirious and he thinks the referee is a big can of SHAVE CREAM! So he shakes and rubs the ref (WHAT A FAG LOL) and he gets DQd! And then since SS is still delirious Evenflow rolls up Superstar to win the second fall! And The Crowd Riots because they they wanted a cage match!

 

*Meanwhile Bowser Logan tells his KOOPAS to prepare for a win! And then Toad tries to kill Bowser but fails miserably!

 

*Alfdogg vs. Bowser Logan – Alfdogg winz a grat match after Mario (not Logan lol) runs in and jumps on Bowser’s head! This breaks Bowser’s neck and Alfdogg wraps in a chinlock for the submission victory!

 

*Eskimo and JINGES vs. SPIDERMAN and EL DANDY~! – Since no one cares and the crowd is taking a piss break before the main event, Spiderpoet turns on El Dandy or something and puts on an nWo shirt for no apparent reason. El Dandy starts crying and runs to his mom and is counted out!

 

*AngleSLUT vs. Big Poppa Pump vs. Zak Morris vs. BAN AGNES vs. CobainWasGhey vs. Tony the Bastard – BILL WATS comes out and says the Outlaw rule is in effect. THEN THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS COME OUT! DOGG SAYS “OH you didn’t know! We are THE OUTLAWS and now this is an 8 pack! Even though that doesn’t make sense. Me and my partner Billy always do it DOGGY STYLE~!” So the match starts! AS hits Tony with the belt! Then Road Dogg gives him the pumphandle slam! Then Zack gives him a School’s Out! Then Billy gives him a DUMBASSER! Then BPP gives him a Fallen Angel! Then CWM gives him a Pollycutter! Then Tony gives him a Spine on the Pine! And then Agnes starts humping Tony’s leg! And Tony is all “Get off you faggot. I’ll spinebust your ass” and Agnes says “I love it when you talk dirty. Ban me you SLUT!” but then AS comes behind him and says “Stop copying me” and gives him a MOONSAULT. OR SHOULD I SAY ANGLESAULT. And then Road Dogg gives HIM the Shaky shaky kneedrop! Then Zack gives him an Idol Driver! Then Billy gives him The One and Only! Then BPP hits HIM with a cross! Then CWM hits him with a Tire Iron! Then Tony wraps him in a bearhug! Then Agnes gets so turned on that he whips out his DICK and starts to MASTURWANK! And the crowd vomits! And all the members of the match DIE and Agnes humps Anglesault and the ref counts 1, 2, 3!!!!!!!!!!111111111 AGNES IS THE WORLD OAOAST CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111 Then he whips out his DICK again and says “I OWE IT ALL TO YOU” and he kisses it! And JR says “FUCK THIS SHIT! OFF THE AIR NOW, YOU TV PRODUCTION CUNT! OFF THE BAH GAWD FUCKING AIR BEFORE WE SEE THAT COCKHEAD GIVE HIS DICK A BLOWJOB! JESUS CHRIST I THOUGHT SUCKING OFF STEVE WAS BAD ENOUGH”

 

That PPV sounds like the BEST OAOAST has to OFFER!

 

***************OAOAST NEWZ********************

 

Supposedly after BreakDOWN Jingus will take a DAY OFF becuz HE has to travel to Japan and make luv to hiz friend JUBUKI!

 

Who is Reject? Who is Thunderkid? Who is Naz Mistry? Stay tune!

 

I herd from my friend 1Bizzob that Scott Keith’s Biggest Fan wants to join the OAOAST! CWM was reported as saying “Fcuk no taht little worthles shitfaced cunt!”

 

Cutthroat was seen having dinner with Big Poppa Popick! What does thi smean?

 

Anglesault apparently has good taste for bad muzak! He was seen looking thru his YANNI tapes 4 his new theme! Sez I, it cant be WORSE THAN NICKLEBACK ROFL!

 

Jamie Vick has been known to ROCK THE CASBAH in her GRAVE!

 

As u know, the In Crowd is NO MORE! My sourcez say Zack Malibu is hopin to form a new group called Da OUT CROWD, as in OUT OF THE CLOSET CROWD! He and Buff Everchad will make out weekely and women around the world will MASSERBATE!

 

As u KNOW, I get LOTZ of Pussy and around town every woman’s favorite OAOAST superstar is surprisingly, EVENFLOWDDT! I asked them why they didn’t like Alfdogg (my quote: “WHAT ABOUT HIM? WHAT ABOUT ALFDOGG?!”) and they said “Because he doesn’t like to smoke. BUT EVENFLOW IS SMOKIN~!”

 

THE MYSTERIOUS ONE IS NOT CWM! I NO BECAUSE I PMED TMO AND ASKED IF HE WAS CWM AND HIS REPLY? “FUCK NO!”

 

BAN AGNES~! (not newZ, just HARD HITTING OPINION!)

 

 

Sign Ideaz 4 IntenseZone~!

 

I would Bang Jamie Vick if she WASN’T SO DEAD!

 

(This sign goes next to the one above)! I’M NOT HHH!

 

YOUR MUSIC SUCKS! (held up during Anglesault’s entrance)

 

JINGUS, MARY AND JOSEPH!

 

CWM is SEXY~!

 

When Superstar was SHAVING HIS LEGS he tried to shave his PUBES but ENDED UP CUTTING HIS DICK OFF~! (might not fit on a sign but ROFLMAO!!!!1)

 

Well tahtz all 4 this week doodz I will be bizzack sizoon with ANOTHER hot newZ update 4 da OAOAST because IT WAS ME AUSTIN! IT WAS ME AAAAAAAAALLLLLL ALONG ROFLMAO~!111111

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Anglesault to Join NAMBLA?? Tony the Body to function without Viagra?? Jingus to grow a set of testicles?? Reject to win a match?? CWM to stop being SEXY?? Treble Charged to return only to form a GHEY STABLE with Superstar?? Plus HOT NUDE PICS OF JAMIE VICK MASTURBATING WHILE SHAVING HER LEGS IN A THONG WITH VERY VISIBLE NIPPLE SLIP AND CLEAVAGE AND THE HOT NEWZ ARCHIVES CLICK HERE!

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February 18, 2003

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OaOasT HOT NEWz~!!~

 

HAY! I’m BAAAAAACK! And worse than ever!! And the biggest newz in the OAOAST this year is that ANGLESAULT IS GAY! Just kidding! LOL. Although he is bi a lot of things!!!!!!!

 

OK. The REAL big newz in the OaOasT (beside the fact that Popick is gay) is that there is a management shakeup in the One and Only Thread of Anglesault! My bestest friend CobainWasMurderederedered (who is SEXY~!) QUIT~! And he went to go be a mounted police officer in the Yukon Territory! And he will return to the OAOAST and his catchfrase will be “I’m handsome, I’m brave, I’m a Nirvana fan!”

 

But the REASON he left was because Big Poppa Popick is GAY! And he became HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY (for those who don’t know, HHH is an indy wrestler that was holding down the one-legged Tenaciz Z in NWA Tits and Ass) of the OAOAST! And he was holding people down. I interviewed one OAOAST superstar who is mentally handicapped. He will remain anonymous.

 

Me: Hay dood. So Popick holds you down because you’re a retard?

 

???: Indeed.

 

Me: Why dood? You could sue him!

 

???: He would know it was me and he would hold me down!

 

Me: Just tell him SPIDERman did it and he’ll never find out!

 

???: Don’t give it away!

 

Me: ROFL! DON’T WORRY! I’m a POET and I didn’t know it! ROFLMAO!

 

???: That’s it!

[end interview]

 

In a TOTALLY unrelated story, I think Spiderpoet is GAY! LOL.

 

NEWayZ, the OAOAST’s greatest wrassler, Angle-Plex, aka Agnes, was upset about having NO character (d)erection! So everyone wants Popick to quit because he’s gay.

 

Rumor has it that Small (and I do mean small ROFLMAO) Papa Pop-It has a made up girlfriend! He alwayz talkz about her and he’s doing it to increase his ego (and ERECTION).

 

Sandman’s DILDO of choice is his weedwhacker! Rumor has it he axidently choppy-choppy his pee pee with it while he tried to stick it in APRIL LAVINE!

 

CWM is STILL sexy~!

 

EVENFLOWDDT is still OAOAST’s hottest member (who also has a HOT member~). All the women that get drilled by my 11-inch MICROPHONE say that they masturbate to Evenflow’s theme music!

 

Did you know “Kotzenjunge” is French for “Cowardly Eagle”?

Did you know “El Dandy~!” Is Mexican language for “Happy Deer?”

Did you know “The Golem” is English for “Wrestlecrap”?

 

Have you evar wondered why THE GAY SUPERSTAR is in the mian events? Itz cuz he went in2 a 60-minute meeting with Tony the (hard)Body! And when he came out he was smilin’ wit a “MILK” mustache!!!!!!!!!!

 

Sign Ideaz 4 INTENSEZONE~!

 

*CWM Mows my LAWN!! (And that’z a SHOOT~)

 

*Don’t Ban Agnes!

 

*Agnes for World Champion! No, I’m Serious! Why are you Laughing? Suck My Cock, Bitch! (might not fit on just one sign, but ROFLMAO)

 

*BPP is HORRIBLE IN BED (Jeff Hardy knows from experience!!)

 

*Anglesault plays “FAMILY GAMES!”

 

*Zack isn’t a P.O.P…he’s a P.O.O.P, but take out the periods!

 

*The Superstar pretends to suck the cock while he’s eating the pussy!

 

*The Dream Machines? If they’re not wet, it’s a waste of time!

 

*ZsasZ is the same forwards as backwards! Does that mean he’s gay??? (Answer: YES!)

 

*YUNA is a BISEXUAL LESBIAN!~ (AT LEAST I HOPE SO BECAUSE I WANT TO GET WHAT I PAY FOR ROFL)

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I went to an OAOAST HOUSE SHOW THIS WEEKEND!!!!! The entire show was ghey. Except the main event! Here it iz!!

 

OAOAST World Championshup:

Anglesault © vs. EvenflowDDT

The ONLY reason EFDDT was in ht e main event waz cuz it was hiz HOMETOWN of AMISH COUNTRY! He got somewhat of a stnanding ovation! An Anglesault “CAME” out on crutches! He said (just in progress LOL)

 

“Had a screwy knee, and I was playing a family whiffle ball game, over compensated for the knee on a swing, lost my balance, and messed the OTHER knee up.”

 

The fans started LAUGHING, those heartless bastard! Poor Anglesault! He then said:

 

“My replacement is my best friend……MY DAD!!”

 

Anglesault Senior then ran out with an whiffle ball bat! And He gave Evenflow DDT! a shot with the WHIFFLE BALL BAT! And then Anglesault Senior pinned that jobber and WON! And Anglesault sang his own theme music (DrEEEEEEEEAM, DREAM DREAM DREAAAAAAMM) And they hugged and made out. It was a very ghey show.

 

Well, another show CUMMING up soon is ZERO HOUR!!!! And this show will be very STUPID. OOPZ, did I say that out loud? (No, I TYPED it out loud ROFLMAO) Here is the booking sheet! I got it because Tony PMd the results to Big Poppa Popick, but since he is neither Big nor a POPPA, it got forwarded to ME, for I am BOTH!

 

WINNAR GETS TO BE A LACKEY FOR THE MAIN EVENTERZ IN WARGAMEZ: EVENFLOWDDT vs. ALFREYDOGG

 

This is first becuz these 2 guys SUCK COCK and deserve to stink up the hizouse! NEwayZ, The two guyz fight for 1 minute, and then Zack Malibu runz down! And Hits Evenflow! And then Sandman comes down! And hits Alfdogg! And then Superstar runs down! And Hits Evenflow! And then CWM runs down! And hits Alfdogg! And then Small Popick runs down! And hits Evenflow! And then Agnes runs down! And hits Alfdogg! And then Tony runs down! And hits Evenflow! And then Anglesault runs down! And hits Alfdogg! And with all this chaos, Evenflow low blows Alfdogg and gets disqualified!1

 

OAOAST Not-Canadian ChampionsChip: Thunderboy © vs. Brock Lesnar vs. AndrewisNOT,InFact,MyHero vs. Jailbait(aka 16 year old hooker)

 

This match is supposed to be TK winning, but it will not be! Tony will come down to ringside and take a microphone, and SHOOT! He will say “Thunderkid, you will be punished for never posting in the OAOAST. Therefore, you shall lose!” And Tony gives Thunderkid a SHOOT SPINEBUSTER! And then a SHOOT Slingshot Suplex! And then he spits on him with some SHOOT Saliva! And Brock Lesnar gives him a bearhug until he taps out for da win~!

 

OAOAST X-Tremely GAY Title! Rejected Loser Who Sucks Cock vs. ZsasZ!

 

When the match starts, “Ode to FEUD” plays and Mankind from 1996 (through a time portal, DUH) comes out! And he says “Eek! ZsasZ! Stop copying my character! Fuckin’ A!” and he gives ZsasZ the Mankind Claw! And Reject pinz and winz!

 

Tender Loving Care Plus a Pamela Lee Anderson Box Office Flop Match for da #1 Contenders’ Kip: Eskimos and Devils vs. SMALL Balls of Fire vs. Tajiri Ripoffs!

 

Los Infernales win with a backslide through a table.

 

WARGAMEZZZZZZZZ~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

OK, this match is very compilkated, so u peepz with slow attentions pans (KOTZENJUNGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Pay close attention. My sourcez tell me Popick has cahngd the finish himself! And when everyone is in the ring, he will give them all SHOOT Chairshots! And he will say “I OWN THIS FUCKING PLCE BECAUSE I AM TEH OAOAST FUCKIN’ HHH!!! ALL OF U SUCK AND CWM (who is sexy btw) DESerVES TO LEAVE! I AM GOD.” And then his cell phone rings…it’s his “GIRLFRIEND” (notice the QUOTATION MARKS!!!) But then Anglesault gives him a SHOOT roll-up and winz!!

 

THAT AXTIAULLY sounds like THE BEST OAOAST PEEPPEEVEEY ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

Well doodz, I hatez to say it but that is THE END OF HOT NEWZ THIS MONTH, WEEK, DAY, HOUR OR QUITE POSSIBLY MINUTE! I would like to shout out to new MEMBER shooter Jay. Why? Cuz it rhymes wit GAY! ROFLMAOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. I wantz to say I love YOU ALL IN THE OAOAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and here is a picture of me!

 

 

BIG POPPA POPICK TO USE VIAGRA?? KOTZENJUNGE TO THROW UP?? CWM TO USE A MOUNTIE’S TAZER FOR AN ANAL THERMOMETER?? SANDMAN TO HAVE SEX WITH APRIL LAVIGNE?? ANGLESAULT TO DIE FROM ANXIETY OF GETTING ANOTHER HOT NEWZ PM? SUPERSTAR TO FORM A VERY VERY VERY GAY TAG TEAM WITH NONE OTHER THAN ZACK MALIBU? AGNES TO WIN WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP?? ALL THIS + DA HOT NEWZ ARCHIVE PLUS HOT NUDE PICTURES OF BIG POPPA POPICK HAVING IMAGINARY SEX WITH HIS IMAGINARY GIRLFRIEND WHILE ANGLESAULT LOOKS ON HELPING SUPERSTAR SHAVE HIS LEGS CLICK HERE!!!!!!