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Searching For Answers 4/19/03

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Guest TSMAdmin

i>How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on TV that it's a spy satellite?

-George Carlin


Hi everybody, and welcome to the first addition of Searching for Answers. Now, unless you have ESP or some scary ass shit like that, you don't know me. So, you might be thinking...


"Who is this loser? And why on earth is he beginning a wrestling column with a George Carlin quote?"


Both are very valid questions. I guess I'll start with the first, like most normal people might. I spend most of my time online complaining about the wrestling with wrestling fans, so I might not be the best authority on normal people. Just kidding guys. Save your "free lynching pass" for my next post.


My name is Matt Ditaliano. Well, no, that's not my real name. My parents weren't cruel sons of bitches. But I'm not giving out my real name because wrestling fans scare me. So I go by the name Ditaliano here. I'm a native New Yorker, much like Dames. And no, I don't know him nor do I want to meet him. He scares me as well. I'm sure the feeling is mutual. I am a Kurt Angle fan. I am also an HHHater. Now, before you groan, I was an HHHater before it became commonplace.


Now, why a George Carlin quote? Well, in his latest book, Napalm and Silly Putty, Carlin refers to himself as the "thinking person's comic." I'd like to be the thinking wrestling fan's (All eight of you) writer. And before I'm barraged with e-mails, no, I'm not comparing myself to Carlin. No, I don't think I'm as good as him. No, I'm not insulting him. Blah blah blah blah. I'm just trying to say, that in my columns, I really want you to think "Yeah, why is that?" Or "Yeah, how come? If you are thinking "Why did I just waste twenty minutes on this" or "How come he's allowed to own a computer?" mission accomplished, I guess. I just really hope to challenge things in this column. Maybe you'll agree with me. Maybe not. Maybe I'll change your mind, one way or another. Hopefully you'll have some opinion. If not, that would really kind of suck. And if I offend you to the point where you want to send a mail bomb, seek help. If that fails, remember, I live with Dames. You can reach me there.


I have a feeling that more often than not, I will be commenting on something recent. But for today, I will go to the old standby. Kurt Angle. More specifically, the WWF's (If it is allowed on this site, I'm going to use that name. If not, adapt and stuff) absolutely bizarre style of pushing him. Admittedly, it's not just Kurt Angle, and yes, he has it a lot better than most, but I have a specific issue with his push. It's extremely strange, and really, in the long run, quite stupid.


Three or four times a year, Angle gets a main event push, in one form or another. How they actually execute that push and my opinion on that is an entirely different issue. The issue here, is the basic framework of it. They will bring Angle up, and start a genuine main event feud with a genuine main eventer. Then they run that feud for however long it may be. (Usually around 1 to 4 months.) Now, at the end of the feud, do they move Kurt along to another main eventer? Hell, do they at least bring and upper midcarder up to feud with Kurt in the mains? Hell no. Each and every time, they demote Angle down to a solid midcard feud, in theory, to elevate the other guy. This goes on for another two months or whatever before they bring Angle back up to the mains, lather, rinse, repeat. Or is it rinse lather repeat? Or neither. I've been known to totally screw these lines up.


Now, does anyone see a fundamental problem here?


I knew you did. You're smart people. I've also been known to lie through my teeth. (Remember, I live with Dames)


Just for the stupid people and Canadians (Is that mutually exclusive?) I have organized this in a simple form, naming the big problems. My pie charts were confiscated at the door.


The First Main Problem Here: It does nothing for Kurt Angle. And whether you want to admit it, Angle is the future of this company. Well, not right now, not until we know how this surgery went. But at the time, he most certainly was. The man, with the possible, possible exception of my man Eddy, is the best they have, all factors considered. The ring skills, the heat, the mic skills, the attitude, everything about him is what the company needs. SO TREAT HIM LIKE THAT. Keep him in the main event feuds, and build him as a huge star. It really can't be that hard, can it? Yes, the show is written by a team of monkeys, but honestly, it would take the combined efforts of the French and Italian (I love Italy, but COME ON) armies to blow something this simple.


The Second Big Problem: While helping a lower carder, it could still be done better. This is basic, common sense, says I. Really, what will make a guy a bigger star? Beating an upper midcarder in a midcard feud, or beating a main eventer in a main event caliber (Not necessarily title) feud? Come on man. Think about it. And you can't do that with Angle until you establish him as a cemented main eventer. Which brings us back to the first issue? And the French and Italians writing Smackdown. Yeah, I stopped making sense along time ago. But if you think hard enough about it, it will make sense. Through sheer will power. You want to get through this column, damnit, so you'll justify anything I say. Of course, the smart ones among you would have just xed out. But that brings us back to wrestling fans being idiots. Which segues into point three. And they said I couldn't write.


The Third Point: Wrestling Fans May Be Stupid, But Don't Push It. With this situation, The WWF could possibly be screwing themselves over doubly. It depends on how you want to look at it: Are we smart or stupid? If we are indeed smart, we're not going to buy a guy who has spent the last three months getting his ass beat by (Insert midcarder here) as a credible threat to (Insert uber champion here). It just doesn't work. It makes no sense. It defies common logic. You lose fans like that. If wrestling fans are really idiots with short memories, after his six month midcard feud is over, do you think they are going to remember that six months ago, this guy made Hogan and Undertaker tap within two weeks? Remember, we're wrestling fans. We can't tie our own shoes, let alone be expected to realize that this guy is getting the rub.


Well, there's your insight for this week from me. I have nothing else to add at this time. Plus, my thumb hurts from this typing. And I want material in case I have to do a thinly veiled copy of this column again. Not next week though. Because I promised Tony I'd talk about the happy dance.




Matt Ditaliano

[email protected]

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