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Guest TSMAdmin

Searching for Answers 5/02/03

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Guest TSMAdmin

Before I begin, I'd like to express sympathy to the family and friends of Miss Elizabeth. Godspeed Liz. You'll be missed.

 

Well, here we are again for another exciting adventure into the mind of an unstable man. This week, we will have the super exciting double edition, as I go over the aptly named Backlash before getting in to the meat of the column.

 

BACKLASH 2003

***image1***

 

Match: Smackdown! Tag Title Match

Eddy and Chavo (w/ Stereotypical Mexican gimmick) vs. Team Angle (w/Kurt Angle...in spirit.)

 

When a PORTRAIT of a guy is the highlight of the whole show, there are HUGE problems. I think was a little hard on this match in the Crossface. It was a lot better the second time around. Easily match of the night, even with this "Lie, Cheat, Steal" crud getting in the way of the match more than once.

 

Rating: ***1/4

 

***image2***

Match 2

Rikishi vs. Sean O'Haire (w/No reason to be on the show. And Piper.)

 

Holy crap! Much worse than even I imagined it would be. A terrible, boring, plodding mess with absolutely no high points. Rikishi is bad, O'Haire is bad, and this was a disaster.

 

Rating: -**1/2

 

***image3***

Raw Tag Team Titles

Rob Van Kane vs. the Dudley Boyz.

 

Not great, but not terrible either. The Dudleyz have failed to entertain me since they reunited, and this was no exception. The whole Morely thing just made the ring more crowded than it had to be. And someone, please, get RVD out of the tag division. I'd even have him job the belts to the gay Frenchies.

 

Rating: **

 

***image4***

Women's title

Jazz (w/Theodore Long) vs. Trish (w/Ugly hat)

 

Once again the ladies put on a really good match, earning themselves second best match of the night. Trish has just gotten so much better and Jazz is just a lot of fun to watch in the ring. The half crab off the top, the TriS(h)TF, and the shoe were all highlights.

 

Rating: **1/2

 

***image5***

Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show (w/constipated facials)

 

The less said about this the better. The match was a disaster, it made Rey look like useless and Show could have killed Rey when he just dropped him after Lawn Dart II. By the way, will Rey ever win a PPV match?

 

Rating: -*

 

***image6***

Smackdown! World Title

Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena

 

I was way too lenient on this match in the Crossface. On Sunday I kind of kept myself occupied through most of this match, so it didn't seem as bad as it was. I could barely stay awake the second time around. I can't even remember any details, and I've seen it TWICE. Still it was boring, not BAD, so it keeps its head above water.

 

Rating: *

 

***image7***

HHH, Ric Flair and Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash, Booker T and Shawn Michaels (w/Trish's ugly hat)

 

This is a match that could have been either really bad or approaching good, depending on how long Jericho was in there. Well, it sucked. Really hard. And it was Nash's fault. I think there was something like four snake eyes and six body slams from him. And he ruined the finish, leading to that minute long ref ump sequence. And somehow, this match is in the top half of the card it my ratings. (It's number four, behind the two tag titles and Jazz/Trish)

 

Rating: *1/2

 

Rock vs. Goldberg

 

Was I imagining this or was the Rock Bottom the first move of this match? When I saw that, I figured I must have fallen asleep and missed like the first ten minutes that would build up to something like that. But alas, it was not to be, as the bald headed moron actually did think that was a good way to begin the match. Le sigh.

 

Rating: DUD

 

Well, as you can see, this card was a total flop. And we have Nash/HHH and Lesnar/Show next month! Please, Kurt, come back soon.

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

Okay, that's enough negativity for today. I'm going to lighten up today's column with my idea on how they could have changed the Mr. America debut to make it better for me personally. Just so you know, this will probably be pretty short, seeing as I've already typed quite a bit today.

 

Now, as we all know, Mr. America debuted and everyone knows it's Hogan and Vince is angry and a boatload of confetti drops and all that jazz. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. This could have been done so much better and provided humorous moments for me to enjoy.

 

I would still have Hogan debut on Piper's Pit. I would still have it be incredibly obvious that it is Hogan, and have Piper confront him on it. But here's where it would change. When Vince storms out, have him rip the mic out of Piper's hand and start screaming at Piper. How could Piper think that's Hogan? Hogan is suspended! And besides, he looks nothing like Hulk! Make it clear that Vince is the only man on earth who can't tell that it's Hulk. I would bring it to the point where even Hogan is shocked that Vince is falling for it.

 

And then have Vince become America's biggest fan, following him everywhere. Have all the heels try to point out who he is to Vince, only to have Vince punish them for having such evil thoughts. Bring it to the point where even Hulk is trying to reveal himself to Vince, but to no avail. When he unmasks himself, have Vince scream at Hogan and demand to know what he did with Mr. America. And then book a Hogan/Mr. America match at the PPV. I guarantee you; it could bring months of entertainment. Why yes, my mind doesn't function like a normal person's. I blame wrestling.

 

Well, it's that time again. Here's where I wrap it up with a witty remark and throw in a little teaser for next week. (Insert a witty remark and a little teaser for next week.)

 

As always,

 

Matt Ditaliano

[email protected]

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