WWE Confidential April 5, 2003

June 21, 2003

WWE Confidential April 5, 2003

I'm running slightly late this week. No biggie.

This week on Confidential: Roddy Piper speaks and Steve Austin is on ESPN.

Gene recaps all of the major events from the last week (Austin's firing, Goldberg's debut, Sable's return). Now it seems like Vince is stealing ideas from TNA. A different surprise every week. The only difference is that TNA is usually able to prevent their surprises leaking out WEEKS before the actual show (see Goldberg, Bill and Nash, Kevin). Naturally, this leads Gene to WrestleMania's HOLY SHIT MOMENT... NO, not the failed Shooting Star Press... but Roddy Piper's return to the WWE.

Roddy Piper has been wrestling for 33 years and has competed in over 7,000 matches. The story of how he debuted was simply that the guy who was supposed to job to Larry "The Ax" Hennig never showed up. So Piper was asked to do the job. Roddy went all out and had his pipe band play him to the ring. He lost the match in 10 seconds, which was a record at the Winnipeg Arena. The next week he went to Kansas City for another match and hasn't slowed down since. Since he really had no education, wrestling saved his life.

The first time Roddy was really in the limelight was while working for legendary promoter Paul Boesch. Paul introduced the National Anthem to play over the PA, but there was some sort of technical malfunction during the song. Not knowing what else to do, Paul called out Piper to play the Anthem on his bagpipes. Piper did a horrible job, but was cheered for anyway. Bill Apter's Pro Wrestling Illustrated picked the story up, which at the time was Piper's claim to fame.

Piper notes that you NEED to have an ego in this business, but with an ego comes arrogance. He and Vince McMahon used to be close, but his arrogance and reputation forged a split between the two. The fact of the matter was; Piper sold out every arena that he main evented in, so Vince would never have considered getting rid of him.

Roddy Piper and Mr. T never liked each other in the ring or out. Piper didn't appreciate T thinking that he was above all the wrestlers and the industry itself. Numerous clips of Piper ragging on T follow. Piper, Orndorff, T, and Hogan all worked very hard to make WrestleMania a success, but when it comes right down to it, Piper believes WrestleMania wouldn't have been a success with out him. Reason being, the fans did not want to see Hulk Hogan, they wanted to Hulk Hogan KICK RODDY PIPER'S ASS. In other words, without such a strong heel, Hogan never would have become such a popular face. This is the current problem in the WWE, specifically the Raw brand. There are no strong, 100%, full-fledged heels; thus the faces don't have anyone to work against in order to get over. That's a whole other can of worms that can be opened at a later date.

Segment 1: 1/1

Steve Austin took a trip to ESPN Studios to film a commercial for Sportscenter. It isn't made clear whether the commercial is just for the show, or his appearance on the show. Either way, on Raw it was made to seem like Austin did this AFTER being “fired”, but in reality he worked on the commercial before even returning to the WWE. The commercial consists of Dan Patrick hitting a groggy Steve Austin with a chair in the hopes of waking him up. The producer originally wanted to use a rigged chair, but Austin demanded they use your run-of-the-mill steel chair. Stone Cold compares Patrick's shots to that of Molly Holly. Ouch.

Segment 2: 1/2

As we all known all to well, Limp Bizkit preformed at WrestleMania XIX. Supposedly that is where Fred Durst debuted his new single Crack Addict, which he considers to be the best wrestling/fighting song EVER IN ALL OF HISTORY!!1 Well put Fred. Fred goes on to explain that crack addict really means that he is addicted to "cracking skulls". Once again, well put Fred. Fortunately some WrestleMania clips are included so this segment isn't complete garbage. As for the song itself, I only like the chorus part that starts with "Here we go again...”. The rest of it is crap and this is coming from someone who liked some of Limp Bizkit's previous work like Rearranged. How about next year Vince doesn't waste any time with crappy music and absurd pillow fights?

Lately Matt and Jeff Hardy have been out and about doing various book signings. We get clips of one of these signings. I don't understand why these fans get panic attacks and LITERALLY break down right in front of the Hardyz. Honestly, if you go there to meet the guys at least SAY something. It seems like the entire conversation consists of Matt hugging you and whispering that everything is OK. Meanwhile, Jeff chimes in with comments on your nails. The book hit #7 on The New York Time's Bestseller List. Considering the slump the business is in, that's higher than I expected it to score. Matt speaks a little about the book, mostly noting how it separates himself from Jeff and demonstrates to the reader that they are really two different people and not one single unit. A few clips of the Hardyz getting squashed in the mid-90s were shown. That would be a helluva DVD. Put together 2 or 3 hours worth of Hardyz Superstar squashes. I would buy it. On a semi-unrelated note, I feel this is a good place to note that Matt Hardy is my favorite current WWE performer. Judging by the looks of things, that's not going to change in a looong time... Although, that new French tag-team shows some potential. Speaking of the Hardy's autobiography, it is on my Amazon Wishlist which you can all view at the bottom of this (and every other) review. Just wanted to make note of that...

Segment 3: 1.5/3

Since we will see the triumphant return of Piper's Pit this Thursday, Roddy devotes this segment to it.

Roddy asked McMahon for five weeks as a tryout run for the segment. Little did Piper know that McMahon was going to construct a whole set just for him. No one ever knew what was going on because Piper would just wing most of what he said. His first interviewee was resident jobber Frankie Williams. Surprisingly, Piper was able to talk and punk out the jobber in an entertaining fashion. Piper attributes the segment's success to it being very unorthodox. "Just when they think they got the answers, I change the questions." He went on to verbally berate just about every WWF Superstar. His most memorable Pit was with Jimmy Snuka. Piper makes sure to add, "You can't rig a coconut". For all the details on that altercation, check out my Best of the WWF Volume 1review. Roddy closes by saying that majority of professional wrestling is interviews. Hell, he made a career out of it for four years.

I cannot wait for SmackDown!. If they bring back the Pit as a weekly segment I think I'll shit myself. In addition to that, I know I thought of that fantastic Hardy Boyz DVD, but wouldn't a Piper's Pit compilation DVD fucking kick ass as well? The WWE marketing and sales division should hire me. My ideas would sell off the shelves like hot cakes.

Segment 4: 2.5/4

Remember those coal miners that got stuck underground for a few days? Of course you do, for the media wouldn't allow us to forget about it for weeks on end. Anyway, one of the miners, Blaine Mayhugh is a big WWE fan and took his family to visit the SmackDown! crew. He tells the quick version of their extraordinary story. Kurt Angle sums up everyone's feeling very well while speaking to both the family and candidly to the camera. Since CBS (I think its CBS) is working on a movie about the escapade, Blaine (jokingly) wants the Rock to play his part. In a strange coincidence, Blaine was wearing a Rock t-shirt while trapped underground.

Segment 5: 3/5

Trish Stratus is our tour guide for WrestleMania XIX's Axxess, or however the fuck they spell it. Hey, weren't they supposed to show us a behind the scenes look at WrestleMania this week? Well, this sure as hell isn't the first time Confidential hasn't delivered on one of its promises. On a cheerier note, Trish decides to play some fan in SmackDown!: Shut Your Mouth. The fan beats her ass, probably due to the fact that the guy doesn't have a life and plays that game and many others 24/7. Trish of course could kick his ass in reality, so it's all good. She strolls down to the Shopzone stand to plug the Diva Magazine that hit newsstands today. The Hurricane meets up with Trish in the Photo Booth, where the two strike various superhero poses. She ends this final segment with some fantasy PBP and bids us farewell.

Next Week: Sable, who looks HORRIBLE. Honestly, I hope that Vince doesn't think that she has the same sex appeal now as she did 5 years ago.

Segment 6: 3/6

THIS IS IT

Pretty bad show this week. Although both of Piper's segments got the full point, neither really blew me away. There's always next week... oh no, Sable will be there... ummmm... There's always the next rerun that they air.

Have a good one.

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