I WILL GET MY REVENGE AND KILL YOU ALL

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

It was only a rental and I STILL feel ripped.

 

Wow. Just wow. I liked the first SaGa Frontier for its intertwining story arcs and battle system. I liked SaGa Frontier 2 for its charm and story. The sheer awfulness of Unlimited SaGa hit me so hard that I actually got a huge headache from playing it for an hour. Let me detail the sheer baditude.

 

DUNGEONS: There is no freeform movement. They're reduced to D&D style boards, with a piece representing your character moving. To actually show what room you are in, a picturesque drawing that looks like it was ripped from the concept art is slapped on the upper left of the screen. If you want to hear the full range of sounds and movement that accompanies dungeon exploration, pick up a chess piece and put it on a chessboard. Now play some elevator music with that. I'm not kidding in the slightest.

 

TOTAL DOGSHIT

 

ABILITIES: I could not decipher that crazy jumble of menus to find out how I raise any skills. There are nearly half a dozen menus. I did find that the equipment has abilities that just randomly appear after awhile. There's no way to choose what goes on them, and there's not really a way to get them off. In fact, you don't even get the rewards of your battles until AFTER you've completed the dungeon.

 

IT'S HORRIBLE

 

DIALOGUE: Ham-fisted voice acting. Dialogue reduced to the sloppy portraits of characters with word balloons. No movement or different animation. Characters are about as deep as a piece of paper, and have less complex motivation than even SaGa Frontier's characters had.

 

FUCKING AWFUL

 

BATTLES: There's no longer WP. All attacks consume HP. Let me repeat that: you get hurt just by attacking. New attacks are still devised by luck. Each time you select an attack, you must go through a spinning reel that might have you miss, hit, or do a critical strike.

 

BLIGHT ON HUMANITY

 

MECHANICS: Everything in this game is accomplished through a bajillion confusing menus. Opening a treasure chest requires you to go through about 3 menus.

 

ROTATING DEATH TESTICLE

 

GRAPHICS: The sloppy portraits that constitute most of the game's dialogue reach new heights of grotesqueness. They're ugly and hideous.

 

BANE OF MY EXSITANCE

 

The battles look far worse than anything produced by Wild Arms 3, Grandia 2, or even the older SaGa Frontiers.

 

DO NOT BUY THIS GAME.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

But tell us how you REALLY feel about it...

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

But tell us how you REALLY feel about it...

COCKROT ON BROADWAY

[Guest Cancer Marney]

bwahahaha.

 

Well, even if the game sucked beyond all conception, at least it spawned a review that made me laugh out loud in its death throes. <g>

[Guest CoreyLazarus416]

It was worth it all for "ROTATING DEATH TESTICLE," man.

[Guest LaParkaMarka]

It was worth it all for "ROTATING DEATH TESTICLE," man.

Agreed. See my custom member title.

 

Your pain has brought others pleasure, JotW. Be happy. And then spit on the game next time you see it.

 

Man, I remember the first time I was burned by a Square game. Secret of Evermore. What a waste of money. And I bought that thing.

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

Agreed. See my custom member title.

Bwahaha. I approve.