OAOAST IntenseZone - 6/23/03

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 1: This is the way things begin...

 

JR: Fans, I don't know what to make of this. We were going to open up with a recap package, but El Dandy and Stephen Joseph have just brawled to the ring, into the crowd, and are now fighting in the arena itself

 

Jesse: TOTAL..NON-STOP...ACTION!

 

::screen splits, El Dandy and Stephen Joseph are fighting::

 

JR: What a way to begin tonite, two men who were once friends

 

Jesse: And who needs enemies with friends like El Dandy eh?

 

::screen goes to the fight...::

 

Stephen Joseph has El Dandy down, hunched over near some boxes. One carefully placed kick to the stomach hurls Dandy over and into the cardboard barrier, knocking it down, landing El Dandy with a decently hard impact...for a cardboard box. or 50.

 

Joseph goes to fish Dandy out of the mess, when Dandy scores a INTENSE~! LOW BLOW! to even the odds. Dandy stands up and throws a box into Popick's face. Popick catches the box, and catches Dandy's boot through the box...El Dandy Nator!

 

With no referee in sight, Dandy wastes no time by covering Popick. He instead rather picks up the back of his shirt and starts dragging Popick across the concrete, sliding him right into a stairwell door!

 

CRACK~! and the door opens a tad, revealing a stairwell down...down to somewhere worse than hell...maybe.

 

Dandy calmly walks to the door, stepping across Stephen to the other side. Playing possum, Stephen lies there, unmoving, until Dandy bends down to grab him. A swift kick to the head, one kip-up ala Rock, and one hurricanrana later, El Dandy lies at the next, albeit lower, level of stairs.

 

Jesse: That's the boiler room down there JR!

 

JR: Oh Boy SLABBERKNACKER!

 

Jesse: ?

 

Dandy cradles himself up on all fours, standing just as Popick SPEARS~! Dandy through the door, spilling into the boiler room. With a crazed look, Stephen digs through his pockets, and pulls out a key with lock. One look back and Dandy is up...FUMING MAD!

 

JR: Ohhh Boy Ohh Boy He's done done it now!

 

Jesse: Would you please just shut up...Have you even called one move yet...

 

JR: Have you?

 

Jesse: Yes, I have...JR, Popick just locked El Dandy inside the boiler room

 

JR: What?

 

Jesse: That's why there's these things called monitors right here JR... ::clunks finger on monitor.

 

JR: MY GAWD THE HEINOISITY OF IT ALL.. Popick couldn't handle El Dandy so he locked him in the boiler room...What will happen now

 

Jesse: Our locksmith will let him out?

 

JR: WHAT WILL DANDY DO TO POPICK?

 

Jesse: You're just ignoring me and shilling aren't you?

 

JR: How about that to begin the show...A true Brawl, ended in a cowardly manner.

 

Jesse: Someone, please, just start the show...

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 2: Meanwhile, elsewhere in the arena

 

(We see a shot of the back of the arena in the parking area. A security guard sits reading a newspaper when a loud engine sound is heard)

 

GUARD

What the??

 

(A man pulls in on a motorcycle and he is wearing a helmet that shields his identity. He pulls in and revs the engine a couple of times before shutting it off. The man then removes his helmet to reveal The Blurricane!)

 

JESSE

Well it looks like Blurricane got an upgrade in vehicles.

 

JR

That's odd.

 

BLURRICANE

Think fast! (He tosses his helmet to the guard and almost causes him to fall over) What's the matter with you? Watch my motorcycle carefully and if anyone steals, dings, or even looks at it funny I'll mess you up!

 

JR

What the hell??? What has gotten into Blurricane?

 

JESSE

I like it!!

 

(Blurricane shakes his head at the guard and enters the arena. The fans are shocked at his behavior)

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 3: ICY Cool Fresh Breath

 

 

Jesse: Right now, JR is heading to the ring for a special interview to FINALLY kick off IntenseZone. I'm Jesse Ventura, the brains around here, and in the ring now is JR, the blubber around here...Go figure. And oh, sorry about the lack of an intro. Our production guy is doing his best imitation of Caboose and being very very lazy

 

Voice-over:: After two weeks away to recover from a minor knee injury, Masked Mystery Eskimo is planning on joining the OaOast arena to address Jailbait and a number of other issues::

 

JR: (In the ring) “Ladies and gentleman, please join me in welcoming a true OaOast legend! Masked Mystery Eskimo!!

 

::”Too Cold” hits and a limping Eskimo makes his way to a great ovation! Eskimo sure is favoring that knee though::

 

JR: “Eskimo, this has been a tough week for you as of late, with your injury and a number of other personal problems, can you share with us what your feeling right now?”

 

Eskimo: “Well, I feel like hell right now. My knee is shot to hell after Jailbait had a tissy fit over some things between the two of us and I recently had some troubles at home::

 

JR: “In the Artic?”

 

Eskimo: “Yeah JR, just some things I don’t want to get into right now. But just to let that punk Jailbait know that I’m still here no matter what kind of street thug tactics he throws my way, I’m still going to be here!”

 

::”How I Could Just Kill a Man” Hits and Jailbait makes his way to the ring. Jailbait seems a little overconfident in his stride to the ring, but still takes time to intimidate some younger female fans at ringside::

 

JR: “Jailbait, get away from her, can’t you see she’s only fifteen!”

 

Eskimo: “That never stopped him before if you know what I’m getting at”

 

::Jailbait is none to happy with that comment and violently gets in the ring with a dark look in his eyes, which are halfway covered with a blue bandana.::

 

Jailbait: “Listen here essa, you don’t come out here and disrespect me like that homes. Don’t you remember what happened to you the last time we were in the ring Chico? Maybe we should take a look at the video screen Eska?”

 

::Clips of Jailbait nailing Eskimo with a chair are shown repeatedly and dubbed over some bad Hispanic music.::

 

JR: “All right, can we cut that off, that’s disrespectful”

 

Jailbait: (pinning JR in a corner) “Don’t try and tell me what’s disrespectful vato, you understand! Ya know what’s disrespectful? Me being in this god-forsaken place and not getting any semblance of a title shot! Fighting worthless freaks and risking my body night in and night out so some Oklahoma hick can call me disrespectful! That’s disrespectful! And you Eskimo! You have the Gaul to walk out here after I put you out essa? Two weeks after I almost ended your career and you come out and say that you took a week off for personal problems? I know what it was, you just didn’t want to come face to face with the man that punked your ass out!”

 

Eskimo: “Don’t talk about my problems like you know me Jailbait, that’s all I’m going to say, you got me!”

 

Jailbait: “Okay, I got you kid, Ill lay off, but hey man, lemme holla at ya man. I got a proposition for ya mang. How bout me and you in match at GAB? You and I in a good ol fashioned street brawl as Hick-lick JR would say, what do ya say.”

 

Eskimo: “Hey, you know that I have no problem with facing you, it’s just that….”

 

Jailbait: “Just what? Just what? You bitching out you good for nothing bastard!”

 

::Jailbait gets all in Eskimo’s face and Eskimo is not backing down. They exchange shoves and Jailbait grabs a mic::

 

Jailbait: “All right, I didn’t want to have to be such a gossip about this, but yall wanna know a little something about the grand Masked Eskimo? Ya wanna know why he’s been away? Our friend Eskimo seems to have a problem with domestic violence. Now, I’m no saint, but I ain’t never done the damage that this cat has done (points to a screen).”

 

::Jailbait shows an image of a young woman who seems to be beaten pretty badly. Her left side of her face seems to be crushed in. It is a horrible sight to see for many younger OaOast fans to see::

 

Eskimo: “I had nothing to do with that and you know it Jailbait, so stop your bs’ing!”

 

Jailbait: “Hey, calm down eska. What are ya gonna do, beat up one of my girls?”

 

::Jailbait is attacked by Eskimo and stomped in the corner. Jailbait takes a quick shot to Eskimo’s leg and he crashed down! Jailbait grabs a chair again and pounds away much the same way he did two weeks ago! Eskimo leg is seriously injured!::

 

Jailbait: “Hey, no matter what ya say kid, I’ll be at GAB, so I expect your wifebeating ass to be there (laughs).”

 

::Jailbait walks away as medical crews come to the ring to assist Eskimo out of the ring. Just as Eskimo is about to exit through the entry way, Jailbait runs out and clips Eskimo’s injured leg again!::

 

::Not only has Jailbait physically taken out Eskimo, he may have ruined his reputation as well! What will Eskimo do!?::

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

JR: Darn that Jailbait!

 

Jesse: Don't we have commercials now?

 

JR: Oh yeah.

 

::Commercials::

 

JR: And we're back...Let's go to the back!

 

Segment 4: When the center holds...

*The camera opens up to a stairwell. The lightbulb above is swinging slightly back and forth, casting shadws off the gray walls. The light occasionally catches a figure seated on the stairs. He has on blue jeans and what looks to be a black leather jacket, similar to what ex-WWF star Bret Hart would wear. Suddenly, the light catches the face as it's revealed that it is Sonic Youth, co-member of Featured Attraction. However, his eyes have a slightly dazed look despite the pissed off expression on his face.*

 

Sonic Youth: The punishment I took last week was what many people call sacrifice. Sacrifices made to try and win the Tag Titles. Some people may even say that the only reason I took that punishment was because of Jay getting injured.

 

*Suddenly we see a quick shot of Sonic getting whipped hard backfirst into the ladder by Stephen, the ladder being held up by Edward on the apron.*

 

Sonic Youth: The bandages that cover my scars are only a reminder of those sacrifices I made last week. Doctors told me I shouldn't even be here tonight, that I am too injured and only making myself more liable to injury. Then again, a sacrifice is a sacrifice.

 

*Now a shot is shown of Stephen and Ed hitting Featured Attraction's own Breakout Bomb onto the ladder*

 

Sonic Youth: I've been told in life that no matter how hard you work, the only way to get ahead is to make sacrifices and the more sacrifices you make, the more successful you'll be in the end.

 

*Clip is shown of the Trinity sending Sonic into, and through the ladder with a double hiptoss throw. Sound bytes are heard over the clip of Jesse screaming about how the ladder is broken*

 

Sonic: I tried hard, fighting solo there. Then again, as my saying goes, if I don't want to feel the pain then I don't need to play this game. I relished it though, because I knew the whole time sacrifices were being made on my part and Jay proved that he's the strongest man in this fucking company by coming back out and helping me, rather then tending to his injuries and preparing for the final match.

 

*Clips fly by of Trinity delivering a Face First Breakout Bomb onto the Ladder and then Ed hitting Sonic with the Pillow Made O' Concrete. Clip then shows Jay hitting the Afterthought on Stephen Joseph and climbing the ladder, only to get taken out by Puerto Rican Lightning. Another clip is shown of Sonic hitting a Play of the Day onto Ed and then Stephen Joseph nailing the Synchronicity off the Ladder. Finally, the clip shows Joseph grabbing the Tag Titles*

 

Sonic Youth: Sacrifices are made everyday, some big & some small. Last week, I made my sacrifices for those Tag Titles and PRL decided to stick his nose in business that it simply didn't belong in. Soon, we'll get another shot. I'll be looking forward once again, you see I can make the sacrifices because I know that in the end, we're going to get those Tag Titles. Now it's time for the Trinity to feel the pain and hey, always remember

 

*Sonic stands up, taking off his leather jacket. He shows off the bandage covering his forehead as well as the bandages covering up his lower back and chest.*

 

Sonic Youth: You don't want to feel the pain...

 

*The light's bulb suddenly blacks out*

 

Sonic Youth: Don't play the game!

 

JR: Sonic Youth against a brand new star...NEXT on Intensezone!

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 5: Crazy Spot Monkey...Yes, I said that right

 

We return to see the camera focused on the ring. Then, Come out and Play by the Offspring blares over the loudspeakers. Sonic Youth walks onto the stage as it lights up with spotlights. He walks to the ring and slides under the bottom rope. Slowly he climbs to the second turnbuckle and gives the crowd his trademarked crucifix pose. The announcer speaks, " Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, from Boston Mass, weighing 224 pounds, Sonic "Icon" Youth! The crowd pops for the up and comer as his music fades out.

 

Then POD's Set it Off comes crashing into the fans ears, and the stage fills with gray smoke. A new face in IntenseZone walks onto the ramp, looking a bit nervous. He bounces a little, then sprints to the ring.

 

"This is a young man who we know by two names. Evidently, he thinks he is two people. He is booked for this match as the Crazy Spot Monkey, and booked later as Kyle "the Ace" Landis!" JR shouts.

 

"Great, another nutjob." Jessie sighs.

 

"Now Jess, you haven't even seen him in the ring." JR responds.

 

"For goodness sakes Jim, his name is Spot Monkey! I think I know what to expect." Jessie fires back as CSM is introduced.

 

The bell rings and the match is under way. They waste no time, both running at each other and CSM pulling Sonic over in a quick arm drag. Sonic quickly responds with one of his own. CSM comes back with a Japanese arm drag and Sonic replies with a high hip lock takeover.

 

"We start off fast here with both young men exchanging moves." JR calls, obviously a little slow. After the required Indy Applause Stance they lock up. "Collar and elbow here, Sonic controls with an armwringer, but Spot Monkey flips out and pulls him down with a crucifix headscissors! He gets 1... and that's all. Both men are up to their feet and Sonic drops down with a drop toe hold and he floats over into a front face lock." JR calls, desperately gasping for air.

 

CSM gets to his feet and breaks the hold. He swings, attempting a clothesline, but Sonic ducks and tries a monkey flip.

 

"By Gawd! That kid landed on his feet!" JR shouts, overexcited. As Sonic gets back to his feet he is met with a crisp spin kick to the chin that sends him under the bottom rope and out to the floor.

 

"And Sonic is floored!" Jessie says. CSM waits for Sonic to get to his feet before bounding at the ropes and leaping over, flipping in midair, and crashing down in a somersault tope con Hilo.

 

"If you call it a Moonsault JR I will quit right now." Jessie says as JR takes a deep breath, ready to spew another hackneyed saying. CSM stands up and gives the crowd a Chris Daniels like cross pose. "Now see JR, the kid shouldn't be playing to the fans, he should be on his opponent!" Jessie shouts.

 

"Well, yes. But remember, this is his first time here, let him live a little." JR responds.

 

"Win the match, then celebrate." Jessie spits. CSM rolls Sonic back in the ring and stands on the apron. He jumps on the top rope and springboards in, flipping backwards and landing chest first across his foes raised knees.

 

"He just tried a springboard Shooting Star Press!" JR shouts over the rabid audience who is eating up the spottiness with a spoon.

 

"That's why it is called high risk, JR." Jessie adds. Sonic picks up the injured Spot Monkey and delivers a snap suplex. He quickly runs to the corner and executes a beautiful split legged Moonsault. He hooks the leg for 1!

 

 

 

2!!!!

 

 

 

 

No! CSM kicks out. Sonic stands and gives the referee a quick glare. He waits, measuring CSM as he uses the ropes to rise to his feet. As CSM gets to a vertical base he is hit with a quick snap jab to the chin. Another rocks him up against the ropes. Sonic takes a step back and charges, trying to clothesline him over. But at the last second CSM ducks and elevates Sonic onto the apron.

 

Thinking his opponent had gone to the floor, the Crazy Spot Monkey slowly turns around, only to taste a strait right hand to the jaw. He stumbles backwards, stunned. Sonic sees his chance and jumps with both feet onto the top rope and delivers a missile drop-kick to the chin of Mr. Monkey. He picks up CSM and delivers a kick to the gut.

 

"He may be looking for the Flowing DDT!" Shouts JR. And he is. He grasps CSM in a front face lock, but is quickly pushed away into the ropes. As he bounds back CSM jumps in the air and hits a sloppy frankenstiner!

 

"A desperation move by the Crazy Spot Monkey!" JR shouts. Both men get to their feet at the same time and begin to trade right hands. After landing three in a row Sonic whips CSM into the ropes and puts his head down for a backdrop. But CSM sees this and slides back to back over Sonic and lands behind him. As Sonic turns around CSM kicks, but his leg is caught. Rather than try an Inziguri, he decides just to backflip and break Sonics grip. He does to a big pop and delivers a knee to Sonics gut and follows up with a split-legged facejam.

 

CSM throws himself off the far ropes and hits a somersault elbowdrop to his fallen adversary!

 

"What a move!" JR yells over the crowd who has begun to rally behind the debuting newcomer. He covers Sonic.

 

 

1!

 

 

 

2!!

 

 

 

2.75! Sonic Youth gets a shoulder up! CSM picks him up and delivers a very shaky looking gutbuster!

 

"He's going to work on Sonics stomach! That is what was injured last week!" Jessie points out. CSM is quick to follow up by landing a running senton onto the chest of Sonic. He covers.

 

 

1!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOT THIS TIME! Sonic gets a foot on the bottom rope.

 

 

"He showed great ring awareness there Jess." JR says.

 

CSM rises to his feet and motions for Sonic to stand. As Sonic slowly rises to his feet CSM launches a superkick at his chin.

 

But at the last second Sonic ducks and delivers an Inziguri that echo's throughout the building, followed by HOLY SHIT chants. CSM's eyes roll back in his head as he falls to the mat, the spent Sonic beside him.

 

"By Gawd! He kicked his head off! The crowd is going nuts!" JR shouts.

 

"It's kicks like that that make me glad I retired!" Jessie adds. Slowly, and I mean slowly both men make it to their feet. Sonic, the slightly more composed of the two, delivers a kick to the gut and grabs a front face lock. In one motion he drops strait back and drives CSM down onto his head in a Flowing DDT.

 

He Covers for 1!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.99!!!!! CSM gets a shoulder up at the last possible moment. Shaking his head in disbelief, Sonic raises CSM to his feet and backs him into the near corner. He shoots him off diagonally, and follows him in with a charge. But CSM, on blind luck, raises his boot, catching his foe in the face. CSM perches himself on the middle ropes and grabs Sonic as if he was going to deliver an Ace Crusher. Instead he somersaults foreword and lands on one knee, driving Sonics face into the other. The crowd lets out an Ohhh.

 

"He told me he calls that the Dental Work!" Jessie shouts. CSM climbs the rope and gives the slit throat motion. He stands on the top, facing away from the ring and launches himself into a Sky Twister Press. But not a normal STP, but he pushes the limits by rotating two and a half times! Landing Chest to chest with Sonic drives the wind out of both. But CSM hangs on for the cover!

 

 

1!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!!! "That's it!" JR cries. "The Crazy Spot Monkey wins!" CSM jumps for joy at his victory and exits the ring. Going through the crowd to the back, Arms raised in victory.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 6: Big Bad Leroy Brown

 

(Blurricane is seen walking backstage. He comes across a couple of ladies and decides to stop and talk. He leans his arm against the wall while standing a little too close to one of the ladies. We cannot hear what is being said, but after a few seconds one of the ladies slaps him and they both walk off.)

 

BLURRICANE

Fine have it your way! You'll never have a man like me!

 

(As Blurricane starts to walk off he's stopped in his tracks by Reject)

 

REJECT

What's gotten into you? You're not acting like the Blurricane I fought last week.

 

BLURRICANE

Well I've made a few changes. Let's just say it's out with the old and in with the new. Now move out of my way (He shoves Reject aside and continues walking)

 

(Blurricane walks by a coffee table and grabs a cup before moving down the hall and stopping in front of a door. On the door is a sign that reads "Orion". Blurricane knocks on the door and waits while sipping coffee. Orion opens the door and looks pissed when he sees who's there)

 

ORION

What do you want freak?

 

(Blurricane smirks before spitting coffee in Orion's eyes and kicking him in the junk. The fans absolutely do not know what to think at this point.)

 

BLURRICANE

I just wanted to wish you luck in the Three Way Match at GAB. I plan on ripping you apart and I felt it was the....gentlemanly thing to do in warning you. Ah screw that I just felt like kicking someone in the junk and you seemed like a good person for it.

 

(Blurricane walks off laughing as Orion cringes in pain)

 

JR

I just don't believe what I'm seeing!

 

JESSE: DAMIAN GONZALEZ IS HERE!

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 7: Bow Before the Man that is Banky Wood.

 

JR: The Dames is in the ring to address the Dangerous A/Banky situation for the upcoming ppv!

 

Jesse: He needs to address it. These guys haven't stepped in the ring yet and they already have a personal vendetta, courtesy of Dangerous A starting it all.

 

JR: Oh please. Banky made this personal. DA has been trying to get Banky in the ring for some time and he's been avoiding him. Let's go to the ring.

 

 

Inside the ring is a table with 3 chairs, one in the middle and two on each corner. The middle chair is occupied by The Dames, w;ho has a mic.

 

Dames: Hello, ladies and gentlemen. The past 2 weeks have been a trying time for me. After we all were witness to the horror of Banky invading Dangerous A's privacy and attempting to do God knows what, DA and I have attempted to get in contact with Banky to attempt to settle whatever personal issues they have with each other. Banky refused to return my phone calls and requests to speak with him. So unfortunately I have to pull rank and force him to be here today. I told him if he did not show up tonight to sign a match for the Great Angle Bash with Dangerous A tonight, he would be in breach of contract and would be suspended indefinitely. As far as I understand, both men are here tonight. So without further a due, let's get both men out here at once.

 

 

Mr Brownstone starts to blare from the speakers. Dangerous A and his 10 year old son, Christopher, head out to an ovation. DA makes his way in the ring and shakes Dames hand. Dames smacks a high five with Christopher. DA takes a seat at one corner of the table.

 

Walk on the Wild Side plays on the speakers. Banky, wearing a BANKYWOOD Industries t-shirt and flanked by his 2 flunkies, Hector and Chainsaw, heads towards the ring. Banky is eyeballing DA, who is now standing and eyeballing Banky as well. Banky leaves his flunkies outside the ring and steps through the ropes with his guitar in hand. Banky grabs one of the mic's on the table and begins to address everyone in the ring.

 

Banky: What's up, Dames? Why are you forcing me to come out here? I thought I was your bud? Now you act like I'm some kind of monster. You weren't acting like this when you were kissing my fucking ass begging me to come to the OAOAST!

 

Dames: First off, don't use that kind of language with me unless you want to wrestle for free for the rest of your life. I have enough pull and contacts throughout the world that I can make that happen. Second, I have been trying day after day to attempt to get a hold of you so you and DA can finally get it on...

 

DA: How's your face after that Yakuza Kick I gave you at my house, you fucking bitch?!?

 

Banky: Whoa there, homeboy. Shouldn't you watch your language around your own fucking kid?\

 

DA: Don't you talk about my son, you son of a ....

 

 

DA can't control himself and attempts to go after Banky across the table. Dames restrains him.

 

Dames: SIT DOWN, BOTH OF YOU!! Christ, I just want to sign this match and be done with this. You can kill each other this Sunday at the ppv, but for now, while I am in this ring, you will conduct yourselves like gentlemen. Understand?

 

Both men stare at each other intently. Both take their seats without taking their eyes off of each other.

 

Dames: Now I have the contract here (pulls out contract from coat pocket) and need both of you to sign this for a match up to be official. Banky, you will sign first.

 

Banky: Why do I have to sign first? Why can't Dangerous Bitch sign first?

 

Dames: Dammit, just sign the papers!! You were the one who has ducked this challenge for weeks, you can't duck any longer. SIGN THE FRICKING PAPERS!!

 

Banky: Alright, alright, alright. Hold up first.

 

Banky pulls out some chewing tobacco and inserts a wad in his mouth. Banky takes the pen off of the table and signs his name on the contract. He then proceeds to spit tobacco juice on the contract before handing it over to Dames.

 

Dames eyeballs Banky hard. Dames handles the contract carefully and hands it over to DA. DA takes the contract quickly and signs it. DA stands up quickly and walks over to get in Banky's face.

 

Dames: Hold on, both of you. While you both are in my prescence, you will not so much as touch each other, got it? You will both shake hands now for photo ops for the press.

 

Both men just stare at each other.

 

Dames: Shake on this, Dammit!

 

Both men shake hands and disgustingly release hands. Banky grabs the mic.

 

Banky: Boy, I am looking you right in the eye and I tell you, I see a pussy. This Sunday, live on ppv, I am gonna play a tune like I've never played before. Right on your ass. Just know, I have unlimited resources and I've seen a ton of tape of you. I know what I've got to do to you. In fact, I'd like to show you something I've learned from watching puro tapes.

 

Banky spits tobacco juice in DA's eyes like it was green mist. DA writhes in pain on the ground, attempting to rub the stinging tobacco juice out of his eyes. Banky signals Chainsaw and Hector to grab Dames and get him out of the ring.

 

Dames attempts to get to Banky, but his 2 flunkies won't let him.

 

DA makes it back to his feet. Banky puts him right back down with a guitar shot which sends shards of wood all over the place.

 

JR: This is dispicable! We need security or someone to get out there right now!

 

Jesse: I have to admit, Banky may have crossed the line here, especially with his guys restraining Dames.

 

 

Banky: You made me ruin my guitar, you fucking bitch!

 

Banky takes the table and slams it on top of DA. Christopher hits the ring and attempts to swing on Banky. Banky blocks, grabs Christopher by the neck, and throws the 10 year old over the top rope!

 

JR: That was uncalled for! He's 10 years old, DAMMIT!!

 

Jesse: Even I can't condone this. This is horrible. Banky is out of control right now.

 

Banky takes the table and lays it in the corner of the ring. Banky picks DA up and gives him a released German suplex through the table! DA folds in half as he breaks the table. The visual is sickening.

 

JR: He's trying to get out of this match by taking DA out right now. This is damn sick. The coward!!

 

Jesse: I don't condone this, but it's a hell of a way to get out of the match.

 

 

Banky then grabs DA and steps outside the ropes on the apron. He hooks DA up in the suplex position. He lifts DA up and delivers A BANKY BUSTER FROM THE APRON TO THE FLOOR!!! DA IS OUT!!

 

JR: That could've killed him! Get his ass out of the ring!!

 

Banky signals for Hector and Chainsaw to release Dames. Dames rushes over to check on DA. Christopher is recovered to go over and attempts to go after Banky. Banky mushes Christopher to the ground. Banky then spits more tobacco juice on Chistopher. Dames grabs a mic.

 

Dames: Get the fuck out of here! If DA can't go this sunday, you will never compete here in the OAOAST or anywhere else in wrestling, you piece of shit!

 

Banky heads to the back with Hector and Chainsaw. He spits Tobacco juice towards Dames and the fallen DA, then flips both of them the bird. Fans are throwing any and everything at Banky.

 

Banky just stands there with his arms out, enjoying the shower of trash and debris.

 

 

JR: I hope someone nails his ass with something hard. This is most unfortunate. Banky had no business messing with DA's son.

 

Jesse: Hey, DA's son has no business at ringside. It's dangerous down there. If he wants to be there, he is also at risk.

 

JR: I hope this ugly incident doesn't take away from the debut of both these men.

 

Jesse: Well, first strike goes to Banky. He drew first blood.

 

 

DA actually reaches his feet. EMT's attempt to get DA on a gurney, but he refuses their help. Dames pleads for DA to go with the EMT's, but DA waves them off. DA uses his son as a walking aid to gingerly walk to the back.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 7.5 : He's Back

 

(We cut back to the garage where Blurricane is getting back on his motorcycle.)

 

BLURRICANE

I think I've done enough damage. I better get going before the real fun begins! Hahahahaha

 

(Blurricane takes off into the night)

 

JR

Real fun?? What does he mean by that?

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 8.0.01: Spaghetti is BPP's favorite Meal

 

JR: Right now we're cutting to a pretaped interview by Jay Darring- he has a message for Jacob X!

 

(*Fade in, as we find Jay sitting, once again, on his couch in his apartment, the lights off- the only light is the glow of the TV reflecting off of Jay's face.*)

 

JAY:

(turning to the cameraman, points to the TV and grins.): "Smart Mark Video's Best of the Mexican Deathmatches-I'm on it."

 

(*We hear the TV announcer- "El Arrendajo Americano joven Darring, competir en su primer igual para el título pesado menor. Muchos consideran el Arrendajo una versión más técnicamente sano más rápida de Sandman9000, su socio del equipo de etiqueta, que él tiene los campeonatos Grandes del equipo de etiqueta de igual de muerte de Japón con."*)

 

JAY:

"You know, while I was picking cancer-causing broken glass out of my back the other day, I had an epiphany- that you and I Jacob, we are exactly the same person, except for one thing. We both separated ourselves from society. Wrestling is a hobby for neither of us, it consumes our lives and owns our souls. We've shredded our bodies to the point where pain-free lives are no longer a possibility, both for the sick thrill at the sight of our own blood, and to take our minds off of our skeleton-filled pasts."

"Our one difference lies in how we've handled those pasts. My errors fuel me, they make me want to be a stronger person, aspire to greater things, make the good outweigh the bad, prove that I am worthy of the precious gift of life. You've let your demons consume you, and they've broken your mind to the point where any sanity and willpower you once had is beyond salvation. So now you've turned to a false prophet, Stephen Joseph, and like David Koresh, he'll promise you spiritual redempion and bring only suicide and damnation."

"As my people say, you go your way, I'll go Yahweh. At this point I'm not interested in curing you of your ills. What I am interested in is defeating you decisively, and that singular difference between you and I is what will bring me victory. Beneath all the scars, broken bones, and facial deformities, that hardened exterior, you are weak. You no longer have the strength to overcome adversity, because your demons have sapped you of it. Great Angle Bash- 200 Light Tubes, no matter how much you fight it, like Sisyphus' boulder, I won't stop, and you will submit, as you have submitted your entire life, and you will lose. THAT'S Harsh Reality."

"That's the power of one."

 

 

(*Fade out*)

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 9: Remember, I am the HHH of the OaOasT

 

(Scene opens backstage as SPIDERPOET~! and BLACK WIDOW~! enter the building, Poet in civilian clothes and with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. They don't get very far as one of the road crew guys runs up to Poet with an envelope)

 

Road Guy

Mister Poet!

 

SP

(Stops and eyes the approaching stranger) What?

 

RG

'Scuse me, sir, but I was told to deliver this to you. From Mister Joseph.

 

SP

(Nods, and takes the envelope) Thanks. (SP tears the envelop open and Widow places a hand on his shoulder, reading the card inside along with him. She looks at him and frowns as he lets out a deep, long breath)

 

WIDOW

Tonight?

 

SP

(Nods) Tonight. Go back and get the car, go to the Hotel room. I'll be there after the match.

 

WIDOW

Peter, I'm getting tired of you just sending me away everytime you think something bad's gonna happen.

 

SP

(Rubs his temples, clearly not wanting to have this discussion now) Amanda, listen. I know you don't like it but I'm asking you to--

 

WIDOW

--trust me. . . .okay?

 

SP

(Considers her for a moment before sighing. Loudly.) I hate it when you do that.

 

WIDOW

I know. But you've got to trust me if I'm going to trust you.

 

SP

Alright. But when I'm out there, please find somebody to latch on to.

 

WIDOW

Alright . . . I think I know just who to go to.

 

SP

(Nods with a smile) Alright. Let's go . . . I've got to get ready.

 

JR

What was on that card?

 

JESSE

Whatever it is, it shook up Spidey. That wuss.

 

((The two walk off, Poet throwing down the card. The cameraman siezes the opportunity and picks it up to show it to the audience))

 

[[

SpIdeY

 

FiguRed You cOulD uSE soMe PRActiCE. YOU. CaIN HoDDeR. CaGe. TONIGHT.

 

have fun

 

JosEpH]]

 

JR

Cain Hodder? Bah GAWD! I KNOW HIM! Possibly the HOSS to end all HOSSES!

 

JESSE

Coming from you, that scares the hell out of me, Ross.

 

JR

He -- He'd break Poet in half! This must be his 'tryout' match I've been negotiating!

 

JESSE

Looks like he'll get his shot tonight.

 

JR

Bah . . . bah gawd.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 10: But this guy is Randy Freaking Orton

 

(*Cloud Connected" by In Flames unexpectedly begins to blare over the PA.*)

 

Jesse: Oh what could he want?

 

JR: The North American champion making an unscheduled early appearance on this edition of IntenseZone, and he looks dressed to compete!

 

Jay enters the ring, indeed in full competition attire, with the title belt slung over his shoulder. The champ grabs the microphone from the ring announcer.

 

Jay:

I have just been told by Damian Gonzalez that due to my contractual obligation to compete in this hardcore squash later tonight, I am exempt from my obligatory North American title defense, "for my own good." Well, I appreciation your concern Damian, but that just doesn't fly with me. A championship belt is only as valuable as the man who carries it, and I am NOT going to devalue this belt by not defending it HERE TONIGHT!

 

*crowd POPS for Jay's announcement*

 

JR: What a courageous young man!

 

Jesse: Every week I doubt more and more that he has a brain in his head. Supposedly he has a 200 IQ, are we sure those numbers weren't reversed by accident?

 

Jay: The problem with this though, is that ever since I've won this title, it seems like there has been a distinct shortage of testicular fortitude around here. The Trinity hasn't tried to take my gold from me, because they know it's an exercise in futility. I practically had to drag Vitamin X into the ring with me, and Puerto Rican Lightning has been pussyfooting around this street fight for weeks now. So I'm beggin' ya, anybody in the back, anybody in this ARENA, for crying out loud, come to this ring, and take a shot at the champ!

 

JR: MY GAWD, open challenge for the title, RIGHT NOW!

 

Jay patiently waits in the center of the ring, staring at the entrance ramp.

 

He SHOULD have been staring out in the crowd, because a man in a SpiderPoet mask (available at OAOASTshopzone.com) has hit the ring and blindsided the champion, peppering him with forearms to the back!

 

Jesse: How many freakin' SpiderPoets do we have in this company?!

 

JR: Some guy in a SpiderPoet mask has assaulted the champion!

 

Jesse: He works for that OTHER show!

 

JR: Not Some Guy in a SpiderPoet mask, I mean some guy in a SpiderPoet mask!

 

Jesse: Who's on First JR? Anyway, c'mon, let's get this moron out of the ring and into the kayfabe room, like the old days.

 

Security has hit the ring and takes down the masked assailant! The three guards grab the fan and are dragging him to the back!

 

Jay: HOLD ON hold on wait a second, bring him back here. Let him go.

 

Jesse: The hell?

 

 

Jay (addressing the masked fan): Hey buddy, do you know how to wrestle?

 

Fan (smiliing visibly through his mask): Yeah, a little.

 

Jay: Then it's on! Ring the bell!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

JR: So now, apparently, we have a North American title match between Jay Darring and this masked man!

 

Jesse: Masked Man, oy, does this mean those two fagelahs have to come to the ring now?

 

JR: Will you stop!

 

 

Jay and the Fan immediately go to the lockup, Fan tries for a go-behind, reversed by Darring with a drop toe hold. Jay goes for a headlock, gets it, the Fan immediately gets back to his feet. The Fan throws him into the ropes. Off the ropes, met with a shoulderblock by Jay taking the Fan down. Jay hits the ropes again, the fan drops down, again, leapfrog, and this time Jay catches him with a leg lariat!

 

JR: Nice set of reversals by both men, leading to a sniper-perfect kick by Jay- I'm starting to think this guy isn't a random fan though Jesse.

 

Jesse: Of course not, he's missing the enormous beer gut.

 

Jay looks to finish quickly with a Foreshadow, reversed into an irish whip into the turnbuckle. The Fan charges, Jay moves out of the way, but the Fan baseball slides under the ropes, and quickly catches Jay's foot and trips him!

 

Jesse: HAHA, that sure made him look stupid.

 

The Fan quickly capitalizes- SLINGSHOT LEGDROP CONNECTS! COVER!

 

1

 

2

 

Quick kickout by Jay.

 

JR: A FAN JUST GOT A 2COUNT ON THE NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION!

 

Jesse: Something's weird here.

 

The Fan tries to pick up Jay, but is met by punches to the gut, two quick snap kicks to the chest, and a roaring elbow! The Fan is down and hurt!

 

JR: That short offensive series by the Fan sure pissed off the champ!

 

Jesse: Ya think?

 

Jay immediately picks up the Fan, and connects with a Double-Pump Brainbuster!

 

JR: Even the best pros have a tough time with a move like that! It's over!

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

JR: WHAT THE HELL?!

 

Jesse: Who is this guy?

 

Jay, obviously pissed off, tries for another brainbuster, the Fan slips out and trips up Jay's legs again- STANDING MOONSAULT!

 

1

 

2

 

KICKOUT!

 

JR: This is like the Twilight Zone!

 

The masked Fan stomps Jay a couple of times to keep him down, he grabs the ropes- SPRINGBOARD ARABIAN PRESS!

 

MISSES!

 

Jay is back up as the fan gets to his feet- SHINING BLACK CONNECTS BY THE CHAMP!

 

JR: The champ is kicking it into overdrive now!

 

Jay makes the throat-cutting gesture, grabs the Fan from behind, FORESHADOW CONNECTS! The Fan is obviously hurt.

 

Jesse: This idiot BETTER not get us slapped with a lawsuit.

 

Jay: "That's it!" Jay grabs the groggy Fan- AFTERTHOUGHT!

 

REVERSED INTO A ROLL THE DICE!

 

WHICH IS REVERSED AGAIN INTO THE AFTERTHOUGHT! AFTERTHOUGHT HITS!

 

1!

 

2!

 

3!

 

Ring Announcer: Your winner of the match, and STILL OAOAST NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION, "SHOOTER" JAY DARRING!

 

JR: Jay Darring retains his North American title, against a surprisingly very talented fan in the crowd!

 

Jesse: Something's up with that guy, I know it.

 

Jay pulls the Fan back to his feet, and shakes his hand! Jay and the Fan apparently talk for a short while, and both walk to the back together!

 

JR: This is getting stranger and stranger.

 

Jesse: Who was that masked man?

 

JR: I don't think Jim Neidhart can do a moonsault Jesse.

 

Jesse: Oh shut up.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 11: Wasssssupppppp!!!

 

R

Wait...I'm being told there's a problem somewhere backstage.

 

JESSE

Oh great more problems!?

 

(We cut to a hallway where OAOAST Officials are huddled around a door. Every few seconds a muffled cry sounds out from inside the room.)

 

OFFICIAL #1

What is that noise??

 

OFFICIAL #2

I don't know? The door is locked and it sounds like someone needs help in there.

 

(The officials think about it and decide to kick the door down. Both men kick at the door a few times before it breaks in. The go inside and find.............The Blurricane??? The Blurricane is inside the room tied and gagged. One official removes the gag)

 

BLURRICANE

Holy Smokes~! Some dastardly fiend knocked me out and tied me up! Help me out of these ropes.

 

(The Officials untie Blurricane)

 

OFFICIAL #2

How did you do that? Are you some sort of magician?

 

BLURRICANE

How did I do what Citizen #2?

 

OFFICIAL #2

You just left the building and somehow ended up in this room bound and gagged.

 

BLURRICANE

And they say I'm crazy?? I didn't just leave the building.

 

(The Officials and Blurricane look at each other in confusion.)

 

BLURRICANE

I'm going to the ring to straighten this thing out.

 

JR

Blurricane is coming out here! What the hell is going on??

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 12: Don't Fuck with just anybody..

 

Cue: By_Myslf

 

The electronic beep kicks in and the crowd knows what's up.

 

JR

Business is about to pick up! The Poet! CAIN HODDER~! The Cage!

 

JESSE

JR, even though I think Poet is a big wuss, your markage for a guy that can crush his face is unsettling to me.

 

JR

BAH GAWD~!

 

The beat dies out.

 

 

 

And kicks back in as SPIDERPOET~! emerges just as the lyrics kick in. He makes his way down the ramp, straightening his mask and gloves and shaking hands with some of the fans as he goes by. He approaches the ring, surrounded by the chain-link, topless cage. He pauses at the door, taking in the structure for a moment before nodding to the ref, who opens the door and lets him in. Inside, Poet scales the side, Spider-Man style, and crouches, delicately balanced, on the top of the cage wall. He throws an arm up much to the delight of the fans.

 

 

 

DARKNESS

 

 

Cue: OPEN YOUR EYES by Twelve Stones

 

The guitar hits in the darkness and a scream rings out through the dark arena. As the guitar hits again, dark green lights illuminate the stage and a MASSIVE, HULK OF A MAN emerges, having to duck to get through the curtain, under the AngleTron. He is an 8 foot tall man, about as wide as two full grown men, and not an ounce of fat is on his body. His muscles are thick and enormous and he is chiseled. He has his head shaved, and a tattoo of a dragon runs down the middle of it, it's neck running down his nose and it's head to the side, it's mouth open as if it's eating his left eye. The crowd is in shock at this beast with a shaved head that is stomping down the ramp.

 

JR

LOOK AT HIS HANDS! THEY'RE AS BIG AS POET'S WHOLE HEAD!

 

JESSE

I . . . I need a drink, a smoke . . . something. I didn't sign up to see a guy get broken in two . . .

 

Cain looks at the ref and then at the door. The ref opens it and Cain has to contort himself somewhat to fit through, and the ref follows him in. A second ref to check the floor closes the door behind them. As the ring ref goes up the steps, Cain reaches up and grabs the top rope and hauls himself up onto the apron and right on over into the ring. Poet, for his part, doesn't shy away as the two come nose to nose in the middle of the ring. He has to look up . . . way up, but he stands firm. The crowd begins to chant, 'POET! POET!' when they see this.

 

*DING*

*DING*

 

The bell rings and Cain immediately tries to wrap his huge arms around Poet. But SP ducks around and runs for the ropes. He rebounds himself back and LAUNCHES with a flying elbow to the back of Cain's head. Cain doesn't even stumble. Poet rockets backwards towards the ropes again as Cain slowly turns around. As Poet comes flying back, Cain throws up his leg for a Big Boot attempt, but SP spots it and drops, using his momentum to slide between Cain's legs. Poet pops back up behind him and unleashes a series of kicks to the back of Cain's legs.

 

JR

Good strategy on Poet's part. Knock his wheels out and already limited mobility gets cut down even more.

 

Cain lets out what can only be described as a roar and he twists suddenly. He swings his massive arm out and BACKHANDS POET, who goes FLYING OFF, SLAMMING into the cage wall. The force is so great that the fencing springs Poet back towards Cain, who is waiting. He scoops SP up -- way up -- and then THROWS HIM BACK INTO THE CAGE! Poet comes tumbling down to the mat, but he stirs quickly. Cain is there with one big stride and as Poet rolls over onto his back, Cain raises his foot. Poet rolls away to avoid being crushed by a mighty stomp from the monster, but Cain covers the meager distance with a half-step. He reaches down and picks SP up with one hand before DRIVING A KNEE INTO POET'S RIBS! AND ANOTHER! The second Knee's force sends Poet back a foot or two and he merely crashes to the mat.

 

JR

He's BEAUTIFUL!

 

JESSE

Come on, kid. Find the bastard's weak spot!

 

The behemoth reaches down to pick Poet up again. But the limp Poet wasn't as limp as would seem, and he slasps his hands together into one big fist and whips it around. He cracks Cain in the jaw, and it does indeed make the big man let go as his head whips around. Just as Poet finds his feet, however, Hodder slowly turns his gaze back to Poet, a wicked smile playing across his features. The beast of a man clasps his own hands together into one terrifyingly large fist and raises them above his head. He slams them down, but Poet leaps out of the way, and they find only the ring.

 

 

 

And they break it.

 

 

 

The *CRUNCH* echoes throughout the arena, and a few feet away SpiderPoet nearly loses his footing as the ring shudders. Even under his mask the, "OMG" look is evident on his face. The ref staggers away from the monster of a man before him and looks at SP. There's nothing he can do, the match has to continue. Other matches have continued despite ring problems. The show must go on. Poet circles Cain as his massive opponent hauls his fists out of the ring. Cain turns and takes a swing at Poet, but SP ducks it -- and is thankful for Cain's slower speed of movement -- and makes for the ropes. Having assessed the situation, Poet climbs up the ropes and grabs hold of the cage wall. Going for the escape win, he begins scaling the fencing. Cain is there in two big stomps, though, and he reaches up and snags SP by the back of his shirt. He simply yanks backwards and flings SP down to the mat.

 

Poet hits so hard that he bounces before he hits and rolls away. He gets on his hands and knees but Cain is there and he rears back for a VICIOUS, GIGANTIC, HARSH KICK TO POET'S RIBS! Poet is sent flailing across the mat, skidding to a halt against the cage-backed ropes. Dizzied, he tries to get back to his feet but pain races through his body as soon as any pressure is put on his ribs and he falters. Cain is there and he hauls Poet up, and a horrible scream can be heard as Poet's ribs send cutting pain throughout from the sudden movement. Cain palms Poet's face and picks him up that way as Poet is kicking his feet above the mat helplessly. Cain looks from Poet to the corner and a smile grows across his face. A sinister smile. An evil smile. He slams Poet down to the mat and SP is hard pressed to move very much. Cain goes to the corner and . . . BEGINS TO CLIMB!

 

JR

NO! NO! HE CAN'T! HOSSES DON'T FLY, CAIN!

 

JESSE

Son of a --

 

Cain turns to face Poet as he stands on a sagging second rope.

 

What he sees does not make him happy. SPIDERPOET IS LYING AT THE BASE OF THE RINGPOST! He turns and kicks both of legs out - RIGHT INTO CAIN'S KNEES!

 

*CRACK!*

 

Cain cries out with an ear-splitting roar, conjured from deep within his massive lungs somewhere. Strength leaves his now broken knees and he falters backwards and is forced to plop down onto the top turnbuckle. The ring creaks and groans under the pressure of the ailing beast. Poet somehow gets to his feet, adrenaline fueling him now. Nursing his ribs, he bolts for the ropes and on the return LEAPS TO THE TOP ROPE AND SPRINGBOARD DROPKICKS CAIN IN THE FACE! Blood splatters out of Cain's nose and he wails again SP lashes an arm out and catches the cage right beside Hodder, though, and hangs there for a second. Gathering his strength, he looks at the ring, a deep impression left a few feet in front of the turnbuckle that Cain is perched on. He looks back at Cain and acts quickly, swinging around and hanging from the two sides meeting at the corner of the cage behind Cain. Poet lets go with his left hand and wraps it around Cain's head, swings his feet up and braces them against the cage. He pushes with all his might and Cain doubles over and falls with Poet -- SUPER TOP ROPE DDT - *CRUNCH!* - THROUGH THE WEAKENED PART OF THE RING THAT CAIN BASHED EARLIER!

 

JR

OH MAH GAWSH! THAT'S THE DAMNDEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN COUNTLESS YEARS OF BROADCASTING!

 

JESSE

*throws headset down and goes looking for a drink*

 

Poet cries out as his arm is caught under the limp Cain Hodder. He pulls it free, from tangled between Cain's massive form and the broken pieces of the ring floor, and pieces of wood rip part of his costume around his arm away and blood flows down his arm from deep gouges and gashes. His arm hangs limp and he makes for the cage door - IT'S LOCKED!

 

ED IS OUTSIDE!

 

Poet and Ed stare at one another through the door. After a moment, Poet staggers over to the cage wall and grabs ahold of it and slowly hauls himself up, hooding his boots into the chain link fencing as best he can. He's climbing with one arm, having to let go and throw his arm up to catch the fence before he falls back. His pace is slow and Ed sees the opportunity. In the ring, Cain stirs and begins to pull himself from the wreckage of the ring. He sees Poet and begins dragging himself towards him.

 

Poet finally slings an arm over the top, but Ed is there to meet him and he punches SP right in the face. Poet is knocked back but he holds on to the cage. Ed lands another punch, and then another, but SpiderPoet holds firm somehow. Ed punches him again and Poet flails back, but he catches the fence and pulls himself in, clinging himself into HEADBUTTING ED! Ed, dazed, loses his footing and one of his legs drops --

 

ZACK MALIBU GRABS IT!

 

JR

THE CHAMP IS HERE!

 

JESSE

You're all clear Poet! Now blow this thing and go home!

 

Zack yanks on Ed's leg and pulls him down from the cage. Ed scrambles to his feet and back away, hatred seething from everything he's got at Zack Malibu as he does. Behind Zack, Poet drops to the floor, and Black Widow is there to greet him, having stood off to the side while Zack tried to handle Ed. As Ed scrambles back up the ramp, Joseph and jacob join him, and Zack stares them down while he helps Widow get Poet to his feet, Cain Hodder screaming bloody murder in the background.

 

 

 

DARKNESS~!

 

 

 

The lights come back up to find THE DARK POET~! hanging above the ring by a black cable, holding onto SpiderPoet. As the Trinity look on with demented gloo, Zack and Widow look on helplessly as TDK DROPS Poet down into the ring. SP lands with a thud beside Cain, who snatches him up before he can scramble away. Even cut down considerably, Cain pushes up with one arm and raises SP above him with the other - CHOKESLAM! AND ANOTHER CHOKESLAM! CAIN JUST BEATS POET INTO THE RING AGAIN AND AGAIN WITH CHOKESLAMS! Finally, he flings Poet across the ring and curses loudly at Zack and Widow as officials flood out from behind the curtain to try and help both of the injured competitors in the ring.

 

We fade to commercial as the cameraman goes in behind the various officials and medics and gets a shot of Poet, mask up above his nose, coughing up blood and curled up in a fetal position, Widow's sobs and cries in the background. . .

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 13: Man, I am just now realizing this is a long show

 

CUE: Rock You Like a Hurricane

 

(Blurricane flies out of the stage and decides to walk to the ring instead of his trademark swoosh. He climbs into the ring and takes a mic.)

 

BLURRICANE

Greetings fellow citizens! Let me just say that I'm just as Bamboozled as you all are. Some vile villain is running around trying to smear the name of Blurricane. But you can be rest assured that I still stand for justice (Hokey Thumbs Up)

 

CUE: Headstrong

 

JR

What? Why is Orion coming out here?

 

JESSE

What do you mean JR? Blurricane spat coffee in his eyes and kicked him where sun don't shine! Weren't you watching?

 

JR

That wasn't Blurricane! It couldn't have been!

 

(Orion comes to the ring looking pissed and he slides right into the ring without even taunting the fans.)

 

ORION

I don't know how you did it, but you're not fooling me. You can pull this schizo thing all you want to try and get away with things, but no one kicks me in the junk and gets away with it!!

 

BLURRICANE

It wasn't me! Whazzamaddawityou? You think I could haved left and then came back, tied myself up, and locked myself in a room without being noticed?

 

ORION

You're the one who's a superhero. And now I beginning to think you're a coward who won't even own up to his actions!

 

BLURRICANE

The Blurricane fears no man! Take your best shot.

 

CUE: Hate Me Now

 

JR

Now what!?

 

JESSE

This is about to get messy!

 

(Reject comes storming out to the ring, but before he can get there Orion hits Blurricane with a Belt Shot using the F13 title. Blurricane had been distracted by Reject coming out and was blindsided. Reject slides into the ring and tackles Orion to the ground. The impact caused the F13 title to fall from Orion's grasp. Reject starts pounding Orion with punches and forearm shots as officials come out to the ring. Reject pulls Orion to his feet as Blurricane stands up and grabs the F13 title. Blurricane comes charging in, but Orion drops down and Blurricane accidently nails Reject with the belt. Orion bails to the outside after yanking the belt from Blurricane's grasp and he runs to the back)

 

JR

These three meet this Sunday at The Great Angle Bash for the F13 title and right now they all wanna tear each other apart!!

 

JESSE

I love this! Total chaos! It's great JR!

 

(Blurricane tries to help Reject to his feet, but Reject shoves him to the mat and leaves the ring. Blurricane is left in the ring alone and totally confused as we fade to black.)

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 14: The Main Event

 

Ring Announcer: The following contest is a Hardcore Street Fight, scheduled for one fall, and is for the PUERTO RICAN CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first-

 

(*The lightning bolt strikes "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against the Machine blares, and outwalks the Puerto Rican champion and his crew.)

 

RA: Accompanied to the ring by Mr. Boricua and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, from San Juan, Puerto Rico, weighing in at 223 pounds, he is the Puerto Rican champion, PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING!

 

Jesse: Here comes the next North American champion JR!

 

JR: Hey, where's Vitamin X?

 

Jesse: I'm sure he's taking care of some urgent Puerto Rican business.

 

RA: And the challenger...

 

(Blue spotlights light up, "Cloud Connected" begins to play, and out walks Jay Darring...with someone else.)

 

RA: Accompanied to the ring by Lauren, weighing in at 173 pounds, from Boston Massachusetts, he is the OAOAST North American champion, "SHOOTER" JAY DARRING!

 

Jesse: That's Sonic Youth's valet!

 

JR: Jay Darring utilizing the services of his tag team partner's valet, to combat Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez.

 

Jesse: Rumor going around is that Jay has already utilized Lauren's "services" if you catch my drift...

 

JR: Will you stop?!

 

Jesse: And where is Sonic Youth? He doesn't have enough faith in his partner to back him up?

 

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Both champions go nose-to-nose, talking trash, SLAP! by PRL!

 

JR: No respect by PRL.

 

Jesse: Jay hasn't earned respect.

 

Jay is SMILING, and starts to bash PRL's face in with STIFF forearms, irish whip, Jay winds up-ROARING ELBOW!

 

Jesse: No, he's ruining PRL's matinee idol face!

 

PRL is down, Jay waiting for him to get up, STIFF~! Superkick, and PRL FLIES to the outside of the ring!

 

JR: Jay is FIRED UP tonight!

 

PRL walks around the outside, trying to gather his bearings. Jay is having none of that though, running the ropes, springboard- RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT CONNECTS!

 

Jesse: I SO wish he would break his back on that move one day.

 

Jay is grinning ear-to-ear now, he grabs a chair and WALLOPS PRL over the head with it, cutting the Puerto Rican champion open early!

 

JR: The former Big Japan Junior Heavyweight Champion is in his element now!

 

Jay continues to POUND the bloody PRL across the back with the chair- 2, 3, 4 times! He rolls the injured defending champion into the ring, props him agains the turnbuckle. Jay still has the chair, he charges- HE DROPKICKS THE CHAIR INTO PRL'S FACE! Jay throws his arms out, and the crowd approves of the beating!

 

JR: Puerto Rican Lightning has got to find some way to reverse the momentum, or this match will be over quickly!

 

Hang on, VITAMIN X has crawled out from under the ring with a kendo stick! Jay doesn't see him! Jay runs the ropes, looking for a bootscrape on the prone PRL- THWACK across the back with the cane by X! Jay drops ton one knee- STRAIGHT INTO A SHINING WIZARD by the recovered Puerto Rican Lightning!

 

JR: HE TOOK HIS FREAKING HEAD OFF! So this was Vitamin X's urgent business?

 

Jesse: You knew he was going to back up his boss!

 

X laughing on the outside- HE DOESN'T SEE SONIC YOUTH JUMPING OFF THE RAILING FROM THE CROWD- FLYING CLOTHESLINE TO X!

 

JR: And YOU had to know Sonic would back up his partner!

 

Vitamin X and Sonic brawl to the back, eliminating each other from the match. Meanwhile, PRL has grabbed something from under the ring- a ladder.

 

Jesse: HAHA! The champ bringing out the big guns now.

 

Jay is finally back up, only to be met with a LADDER TO THE FACE by PRL!

 

Jesse: What strength by the champ!

 

PRL is now grinning. He lays the ladder down, picks up the prone Jay- ROCK BOTTOM ON THE LADDER!

 

JR: RIGHT ON JAY'S INJURED RIBS, already injured by Vitamin X's cane shot!

 

PRL now sets the ladder up in the corner diagonally. He goes to whip Jay into the ladder- Jay somehow puts the brakes on! PRL charges- DESPERATION BACK BODY DROP, RIGHT ON THE LADDER!

 

JR: NOW IT'S PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING'S TURN TO TASTE THE STEEL!

 

PRL once again bails to the outside, but Jay has other ideas. -HE RUNS UP THE LADDER, FOR A SUPER RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT THAT CONNECTS ON THE PUERTO RICAN CHAMP!

 

Crowd: "HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!"

 

JR: ONE OF THESE MEN IS GOING TO DIE TONIGHT, FOR THE PUERTO RICAN TITLE!

 

Jay is gaining a second win as PRL leans dazed against the rails. "COME ON!" Jay charges at PRL- ONLY TO BE MET FULL-FORCE WITH A CHAIR TO THE FACE THROWN AT HIM BY PRL!

 

JR: SMASH MOUTH! SMASH MOUTH!

 

Jesse: What a smart champion, even battered and bloody, he still has the brains to brain Jay with a chair!

 

Jay is out cold from that stiff chairshot, PRL drags him onto the spanish announce table, and climbs up on the apron. Puerto Rican Lightning throws the elbow pad, flips the bird- FU ELBOW THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!

 

Crowd: "HOLY FUCK! HOLY FUCK!"

 

Jesse: Both men laying it all on the line tonight, for that prestigious Puerto Rican title. Say it JR- "BY GAWD!"

 

Both men look dead, Jay moreso. PRL recovers first, and groggily tosses Jay in. He lays down for a second- no wait! KIPUP!

 

Jesse: HAHA! What a showman!

 

PRL stamping his foot...

 

Jesse: Time for Sweet Chin Music!

 

Jay is up! SWEET CHIN MUSIC!

 

BLOCKED!

 

PRL runs the ropes, met with a drop toehold, STRAIGHT INTO THE HARSH REALITY!

 

JR: LIKE LIGHTNING!

 

Jesse: Bad pun JR.

 

JR: HE'S TOO FAR FROM THE ROPES, HE'S GOTTA TAP!

 

PRL is SCREAMING IN PAIN, it's looks over- MR. BORICUA IS IN THE RING, AND BASHES JAY'S FACE IN WITH THE RING BELL!

 

JR: GAWD DAMMIT, THAT DAMN BORICUA.

 

Jesse: Hey, it's a streetfight, anything goes!

 

PRL COVERS!

 

1....

 

 

2....

 

 

3!-WAIT, HAND ON THE ROPE!

 

Jesse: DAMMIT!

 

PRL, frustration starting to show, grabs the ladder again, he turns around- RUNNING YAKUZA KICK BY JAY, SMASHING THE LADDER INTO PRL'S FACE! COVER!

 

 

1....

 

 

2....

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

JR: SO CLOSE.

 

Jesse: That just proves that Puerto Rican Lightning is the toughest, manliest Puerto Rican champion in history!

 

JR: He's the only one!

 

Jay is signalling for the KT Driller!

 

Jesse: Uh oh.

 

JR: He wants to end this emphatically. The North American champion is proving a point here tonight.

 

Jay's got him up! KT DRILLER!

 

NO! PRL SLIPS OUT, LOW BLOW! JAY COLLAPSES IN AGONY!

 

Jesse: Did I mention he's also the SMARTEST Puerto Rican champion in history?

 

JR: What a cheap shot.

 

Jesse: Hey, street fight, anything goes.

 

Lindsay Gonzalez is on the apron now, holding a stun taser!

 

JR: That jezebel has the stun taser. The same one that took out Mad Cappa!

 

Lindsay beckoning for PRL to take the taser. PRL comes toward her- BUT OUT OF NOWHERE, LAUREN SPEARS LINDSAY OFF THE APRON! THE TASER GOES FLYING INTO THE RING!

 

Jesse: WHOA! I thought she was the shy one!

 

JR: ATTA GIRL LAUREN! NOW'S YOUR CHANCE JAY!

 

PRL kneels down to get the taser- BUT JAY NAILS HIM WITH THE SHINING BLACK! Jay grabs the taser- AND SHOCKS HIM! PRL IS CONVULSING! AFTERTHOUGHT! COVER!

 

1.....

 

 

2....

 

 

 

3!!!!!!!

 

 

JR: HE DID IT, HE DID IT, BY GAWD HE DID IT!

 

RA: Your winner of the match, and NEEEEWWW PUERTO RICAN CHAMPION, "SHOOTER" JAY DARRING!

 

JR: DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD! JAY WON THE TITLE! JAY WON THE TITLE! ALERT THE MEDIA! JAY DARRING IS A DOUBLE CHAMPION!

 

Jesse: HE GOT SCREWED!

 

As the referee is handing Jay the Puerto Rican championship, Mr. Boricua is frantically scribbling something into a book. As Jay celebrates with his two belts, Boricua shows the ref the book. The referee reads over the book, and snatches the belt from Jay Darring! The ref starts to explain why, and Jay yells, "ARE YOU KIDDING! IT'S A FUCKING STREET FIGHT!" The belt goes back to an ecstatic Puerto Rican Lightning! The ref explains the ruling to the ring announcer...

 

RA: Ladies and gentlemen, according to the Puerto Rican rulebook, the title cannot change hands when a Lightning Crew stun taser is used, no matter what type of match it is. Therefore, still the Puerto Rican champion, PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING!

 

*The crowd starts BOOING LOUDLY, even throwing garbage in the ring!*

 

Jesse: When I said anything goes, I meant anything except that. YES!!

 

JR: OH, THIS IS BULLSHIT. How could the ref be stupid enough to believe that!

 

PRL has the mic: "HAHA, YEAH! Jay, how dare you break the rules to TRY, yeah I said TRY, and take this belt from me, I thought you were an honorable man! HA, you see, that's what was wrong with the Blurricane, that's what was wrong with the Mad Cappa, no respect, no respect for the rules, no respect for the GREATNESS of PUERTO RICAN-"

 

Jay CUTS OFF the speach with the STIFF~! Superkick! Boricua attacks with a clothesline- DUCKED! AFTERTHOUGHT TO BORICUA. Jay grabs the ladder, throws it down, POWERBOMB TO PRL ON THE LADDER!

 

Jay takes the microphone: "That was for Mad Cappa, bitch. Great Angle Bash, I take your pretty little strap from you, and no rulebook will save you. THAT's Harsh Reality!"

 

Jay kisses the Puerto Rican title, and drops it over the lifeless champion. He leaves the ring holding his own North American title belt high in the air.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 15: Aftermath

 

Back from commercial, the camera cuts to the annoucers table where J.R. and Jesse "The Body" Ventura are sitting.

 

JR: Welcome back, folks! What an amazing, memorable match we just saw right here on IntenseZone! The Hardcore Street Fight was one of the most brutal, heartbreaking championship matches I've ever seen! "Shooter" Jay once again has had his chance at being Puerto Rican Champion stolen by that no good, pompous, arrogrant son-of-a-bitch!

Jesse: Easy, JR! Easy! Darring didn't follow the rules so it's only fair that he didn't win the belt!

JR: What rules! It seems like PRL makes up a new rule every single week!

Jesse: That's prepostrous, Jim Ross! That belt has a long and prestigious history!

JR: That's a load of bull, Jess--wait a second. (JR listens into his headset). Folks, I have just been told, that we are now going to cut live back to IntenseZone General Manager Damien "The Dames" Gonzalez's office. Where...The Lightning Crew and Featured Attraction are located at.

Jesse: They're there together!

JR: Yes. Dames is going to make a special annoucement regarding the North American Title Match at the Great Angle Bash between "Shooter" Jay Darring and Puerto Rican Lightning.

Jesse: This should be good! What are we waiting for? Let's go now! Now!

JR: Okay. Take it away, Dames!

 

The camera cuts to General Manager Dames office. Inside the office are The Lightning Crew-Puerto Rican Lightning, Vitamin X, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, Mr. Boricua, and Featured Attraction--"Shooter" Jay Darring, Sonic Youth, Lauren, and Janet. Both stables are yelling back and forth. Each member trashtalking each other. PRL shoves Jay and Jay shoves back but before it can turn into a fist fight, Dames turns his chair around and bangs his gavel on his desk to stop the yelling.

 

Dames (still banging the gavel): ORDER!!! ORDER!!! ORDER!!!

 

*The yelling stops. The Lightning Crew and Featured Attraction head to opposite sides of the room and stare at each other for the duration of the segment.*

 

Dames: Okay. Now, Puerto Rican Lightning. "Shooter" Jay Darring. Come here.

 

*PRL and Jay engage in a staredown.*

 

Dames: Now. For the past 3 weeks, I've noticed that you two have had a ladder fetish. First, it was you, Lightning, when you hit Jay with a ladder that sent him through a table. Then it was you, Jay, in that pheneonemal Tag Team Championship Ladder Match against the Trinity last week which saw PRL throw you off the ladder costing you a chance at becoming the OAOAST Tag Team Champions with Sonic Youth.

 

*The crowd boos as PRL smiles arrograntly. Jay becomes more furious as he remembers the match from last week.*

 

Dames(continuing): And just right now, you two were involved in a brutal, and memorable, and hopefully, ratings grabbing match for the Puerto Rican Championship which had Jay powerbomb PRL off a ladder.

 

*The crowd cheers. PRL sneers as he grabs his back to sell the pain from the powerbomb. Some of the crowd begins chanting "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!"*

 

Dames: So, because of all of this, and because I want to give the IntenseZone fans, the best IZ main event I can, I'm adding a special stipulation for the Great Angle Bash match for this Sunday. The match this Sunday at the Great Angle Bash will be....A LADDER MATCH!!!

 

*The crowd pops as PRL freaks out. Jay is emotionless as he continues staring down PRL.*

 

Puerto Rican Lightning: Dames! You can't be serious!

 

Dames: And that's not all. This Ladder Match is not just for the North American Title, BUT for the Puerto Rican Championship as well!

 

*The crowd cheers again. PRL is going nuts as only he can*

 

Dames: The man who grabs both the North American and Puerto Rican Title belts will become the first double champion in IZ history.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning: What? That's not fair Dames! I just got POWERBOMBED FROM A LADDER THROUGH A TABLE!!! Do you really think it's right, for me, Puerto Rican Lightning, Puerto Rican Champion, leader of the Lightning Crew, and hero to millions in Puerto Rico, to put me in one of the most dangerous, brutal, and barbaric matches in professional wrestling?!!

 

Dames: Yes.

 

PRL: Ugh! I am NOT going to take this lying down! FINE! If you want to play hard ball, I'll play hard ball! Jay, prepare to suffer a---

 

*Jay lays in a right jab onto PRL knocking him on the floor. The Lightning Crew comes to his aid and a small brawl erupts in Dames office. Dames breaks it up.*

 

Dames: CALM DOWN! CALM THE FUCK DOWN! SAVE YOUR ENERGY FOR SUNDAY. You'll need it. Now, get out of my office before I whip all your asses~!

 

*The door opens and all 8 OAOAST superstars leave the room. Dames' office is partly messes up. Dames starts fixing it as we cut back to the annoucer's table.*

 

Jesse: I'm telling you it's a giant conspiracy against Puerto Rican Lightning!

JR: What a shocking annoucement from our General Manager. PRL. "Shooter" Jay Darring. A LADDER MATCH FOR THE NORTH AMERICAN AND PUERTO RICAN CHAMPIONSHIPS!!! The Great Angle Bash just got hotter!

 

END SHOW

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Segment 17: Credits

 

Thanks to everyone for building to GAB!

 

Im too tired...to post stuff

 

I just want to say this was a damn long show and everyone who worked on it...awesome effort...

 

Thanks guys for making iZ a really fun show to produce

 

Feedback in the feedback thread

 

And next week its...Eskimo's turn I think