From Tod's Vault

[Guest Tod deKindes]

Back when I was on a bit of a roll, I actually defeated our very own Boston god TBS and I personally think this is my best match ever written.

 

For your reading pleasure.

 

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Riley: WE'RE BACK!!

 

***As we inter-cut to the announcers at their table.***

 

Stevens: That's my line …

 

Riley: I know.

 

Stevens: Still, …--

 

Riley: The arena is LOUD and ROCKING tonight, so Grand Poobah, bust out the hot dogs and cheap Miller Lite, cuz baby, we got some SMOKIN' singles action coming up next!!

 

Stevens: …Right. Let's um… take you backstage.

 

***Grand Slam throws a "what the hell's gotten into you" look whereas Riley replies with a "oh, about a dozen shots of Bailey's" look. We cut backstage, Ben Hardy stands with Tod deKindes, who looks like he's got better things to do than to jabber off to this tool.***

 

Ben: All right, Tod deKindes, it's been a little while since you've competed in the ring since you've been acting as more of a moral supporter for XF9. Sadly, at Apocalypse, your group lost the services of Erek Taylor, when he lost that ladder match against the Boston Strangler. Tonight, it's you and Strangler …

 

Tod: Yeah, we lost Erek … But you can bet it's not the last we've heard of him. He'll be back … But tonight, there's only ONE thing and ONE thing only on my mind …

 

Ben: Yes, Strangler will no doubt be looking to take YOU -- …

 

Tod: (looks into camera with determination) Tom … Flesher … That's right. I told the world I was gonna make my own impact, and YOU my friend, are the one in the crosshairs.

 

***Ben shrugs at the stage director off camera as if to say "hell if I know, we'll just let him talk".***

 

Tod: Y'see Tom…I look at you, and I see something. Well, two things … I see two title belts. But the one that catches my eye the most, is that U.S. title of yours … That's right. Ash couldn't beat you for it, so now it's my turn. I want my shot … I'll have my shot. I see that U.S. title belt resting on your shoulder, Tom … And I want it. I see that U.S. title, Tom … And I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna do it for Ash, I'm gonna do it for Erek; for XF9; hell … I'm gonna do it for me.

 

Ben: But um, Tod … you're facing Strangler tonight. He kills people, y'know? Hence the name …

 

***Tod stares at the floor to think to himself … and releases a small chuckle.***

 

Tod: Yeah. Strangler … (looks back up) I'll see you soon, Tom.

 

***With that, he walks out of camera sight, most likely headed towards the ring area. Meanwhile, we remain on Ben Hardy.***

 

Ben: All right, back to ringside … (long pause, as he assumes that the cameras are safely pointing at the ring) … So, how was that? … Good? … Yeah, I AM good … Heh heh heh … (hands in pockets, appearing all proud, while co-workers simply brush him off) … How YOU doin' …

 

Stage director: Ben, we're still on!

 

***As Ben appears like a deer caught in the headlights, we finally cut to the ring; where Mark Hebner enters the squared circle, and as Funyon reads off his stats card. The silence breaks over the crowd as Static X's "Burn To Burn" fires up on the speakers.***

 

Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall! … About to enter the ring, from Boston, Massachussetts and weighing in at 303 lbs; he is a member of the Magnificent Seven … The Boston - Strrrrrrrrrangleeeeeeeerrrrr!!

 

***As the lights slowly dim, being replaced with raucous fans providing the lighting with the flimsy lighters. Out from behind walks Strangler in his battered and torn trench coat and sunglasses. The crowd greets him with an adequate amount of boos as he answers them back … with a smile? Well, courtesy is king among men. Or something. Strangler slides under the bottom rope and wrestles himself out of his trench coat and throws his sunglasses to the ring side attendant. Not one to use a spectacular ring entrance, Strangler simply awaits for his music to be cut, and paces around the ring, awaiting for his opponent. Oh, and he also harrasses Funyon with empty death threats. What a swell guy.***

 

Funyon: And his opponent …

 

***Slipknot's "I Am Hated" blasts out of the speakers for the first time in a couple of weeks, as the proud black and green XF9 logo materializes itself on the Smarktron. Out walks XF9's resident hothead in his silver shades and definitely much nicer black trench coat. Obeying his rocking theme song's violent pace, he stops at the top of the ramp to throw an approving look at the crowd and then power walks down the ramp, then sliding under the bottom rope into the ring.***

 

Funyon: From Muenchen, Germany; weighing in at 223 lbs … Representing the X Force Nine … Tod - deeeeeeeee - Kiinnn - deeeeeeeesssss!!!!!!

 

***Tod climbs up on the second turnbuckle facing the crowd, and unleashes a mighty battle roar towards his faithful Todheads. He untrenches and unshades himself, tossing his accoutrement at the averagely cute ring girl who's making eyes at him. Not even bothering looking at Strangler, as he's busy stretching in a corner.***

 

Stevens: One week before Apocalypse, that man right there lost a Number One contender's match against fellow XF9'er Ash Ketchum for the U.S. title, but now since Tom Flesher is still the champion; Tod said HE wants his shot!

 

Riley: Yeah, notice he BARELY paid attention to Strangler in his pre-match interview! He's not even looking at him right now! This is gonna cost him …

 

***Under Mark Hebner's beckoning, both men come out of their separate corners and as the bell rings.***

 

Stevens: Here we go!

 

***Lock up. Strangler shrugs off the german one with ease and quickly lunges forward with a clothesline attempt! Tod ducks and connects with a series of quick right hands to the side of the head. As Strangler staggers backwards towards the ropes, Tod grabs his arm in an Irish whip attempt, but it's reversed by the large Bostonian. Tod ducks under a big clothesline attempt but then on the second bounce he quickly gets taken down with a HUGE big boot by Strangler!***

 

Stevens: And down goes Tod!

 

Riley: You know, I couldn't help noticing; but during Tod's interview just before this match, he didn't seem to have his mind on actually defeating Strangler.

 

***Meanwhile, Strangler gets a quick near fall on Tod.***

 

Stevens: Well, that's understandable; ever since Apocalypse, Tod has chased Tom Flesher and he's even outright SWORE to him that he was gonna take his U.S. title!

 

Riley: Riiight, 'cause he wants to bring the glory back to XF9. Well, lemme tell you, NOBODY does that at the expense of Tom Flesher, thank you VERY MUCH!!

 

***Recuperating, Tod staggers backwards into a corner. Strangler charges at the german one, but he's quickly met with a back elbow from Tod. Strangler holds his jaw, recoiling from the blow, as Tod runs out of the corner, spears him down and hammers away at him with another series of right hands! He hops back to his feet, throws himself in the ropes and comes off dropping a sweet looking knee drop right on Strangler's forehead. Cover by Tod.***

 

*ONE!*

 

*TWO!*

 

***Kick out by Strangler. Tod yanks him up to his feet by the hair, only to double him over with a solid knee lift to the mid section. Tod bounces off the ropes one more time and connects with a neatly executed delayed swinging neck breaker. Cover once again.***

 

*ONE!*

 

*TWO!*

 

***Despite the early offense, Strangler shoots his shoulder up, as Mark Hebner signals the near fall to the time keeper. Big snapmare puts Strangler back down on his rear end, as Tod connects with a stiff dropkick on the back of his Bostonian opponent's head. Tod lifts up the big man once again to his feet, wraps his arm around his own head and scores with a vertical suplex; in lieu of his usual snap suplex due to Strangler's sheer size. He holds on and tries to roll up Strangler for his second suplex variation; but once on his feet, Strangler holds on, blocks the suplex and fights out of it. A series of kidney punches are enough to make Tod release his grip, as Strangler lifts him up for his OWN suplex and then DROPS him across the top rope!***

 

Riley: Shades of Tod's own Sara Sequence, Strangler just DROPPED Tod deKindes as if he were an abusive father!!

 

Stevens: What?!

 

***Strangler clears the cobwebs and awaits for Tod to properly stand himself up on the apron … allowing Strangler to BLAST him with a running big boot! This causes Tod to fly off the ring apron and CRASH into the guard rail! At first cringing at the sight of the sick bump, Mark Hebner puts on the ten count, as Strangler recovers.***

 

Stevens: Tod deKindes (1) could've broken his JAW on (2) that one!!

 

Riley: (3) Did he??

 

Stevens: Well, he (4) looks all right to me …

 

Riley: Son of (5) a BITCH!! Do it again, (6) Strangler!!

 

Stevens: A little class, Bobby (7, Tod starts moving), PLEASE!

 

***Strangler shoves aside the referee and steps out of the ring, breaking the count. As Strangler yanks up Tod by the hair, Hebner puts on the *double* ten count. Strangler grabs Tod's head (1) in both hands and SMASHES it right against the steel ring steps. (2) Irish whip all the way to the opposite ring steps sends Tod crashing into the steel contraption, right next to (3) the announce table. Recovering, Tod lifts himself up (4) and rests up against the ring post, as (5) Strangler charges with his head down (which the nearby fans reckon it is a bad idea) (6), but Tod suddenly does a Van Dam'esque forward roll over Strangler, sending him CRASHING (7) into the steel steps himself! Tod rolls back inside the ring (breaking the referee's count in the process) and readies himself at the ropes, both hands on the top strand. He bends his knees and pulls on the rope, launching himself forward and up; as he connects with a HUGE spring board plancha onto Strangler! Hebner RE-starts the double ten count once again, as he crowd chants for their german hero and (1) his high flying antics.***

 

Stevens: That young man would feel (2) at home in AAA! He can fly like the best of em!!

 

Riley: I agree! He's not from (3) this country, he's quite the ugly little fella, so put a mask on this kid, STAT!!

 

***Tod eggs on a couple more (4) cheers out of the crowd, then he decides to toss Strangler back inside the ring, following suit himself. He stops himself on the apron, seeing Strangler lying right next to the ropes … giving Tod the perfect occasion to spring off the ropes once again and land a sweet looking senton atomico, shades of Eddie Guerrero. The cover.***

 

*ONE!*

 

*TWO!*

 

***Kick out by Strangler, as he shoots up the right shoulder, indirectly putting his arm in the ropes in the same process. Both men up, as they follow up with an Irish whip sequence, sending Strangler to the ropes. He ducks two oncoming attacks by Tod, namely the ever present clothesline and back elbow. On the third bounce, Tod leaps off of his feet in hopes of what looked like a cross body or a Lou Thesz Press but he's CAUGHT by Strangler and driven down with authority with a HUGE Angry Man's Spinebuster!***

 

Riley: What a brutal and devastating move!! This is TOO much from Strangler!! He needs to go a little easy, here, Tod could have been seriously HURT!!

 

Stevens: … Wow, Bobb- …

 

Riley: Just kidding. KILL HIM!! KILL HIM, STRANGLER!!

 

***Strangler recovers from Tod's onslaught, as he fires away a series of stomps and kicks to the shoulder and mid section of the german one; punctuating it with a solid elbow drop to the sternum area. Strangler awaits for Tod to get up to his feet, only to meet him with a vicious knee to the mid section when he does so. He lifts him up in another vertical suplex position, only to seat him up on the top turnbuckle. He climbs up to the second rope in order to attempt a fairly basic but devastating superplex, but Tod tries to fight out of it with a series of kidney punches. When that fails, Strangler drops both feet back down to the canvas and then he SMACKS Tod across the face with a big ol' soupbone!***

 

Riley: *groaning* Oww … Good bye, TEETH!!

 

***Strangler quickly walks back up to the second rope and captures Tod in a semi bear hug, only to propel him backwards with a HUGE second rope belly to belly!***

 

Stevens: What a BIG suplex by Boston Strangler!! Impressive agility for a man his size!

 

***Strangler quickly floats over into a lateral press for the pin fall attempt.***

 

*ONE!*

 

*TWO!*

 

*THR- …

 

***Kick out from Tod. Strangler looms close with the intention of a big elbow drop on the prone Tod, … but Tod moves! Tod comes off the ropes with another knee drop attempt on the downed Strangler, … but now Strangler moves! Tod clutches his knee at the missed move.***

 

Stevens: That can't be feeling too good.

 

Riley: It's that distraction again, Stevens. Tod deKindes has images of Tom Flesher dancing in his mind, and that's all he can think about, and it's costing him dearly right now; as he gets his bee hind handed to him by the Boston Strangler!

 

Stevens: Tom Flesher dancing? No wonder Tod can't get himself on track.

 

Riley: You shut your mouth right now! The Superior One is a MUCH better dancer than you think! Hell, he's shown me personally!!

 

Stevens: …

 

***Uncomfortable silence between the announcers.***

 

Stevens: Strangler still on the offense!!

 

Riley: Singles action, hot and heavy!!

 

***Although Tod's knee is bothering him, he only walks it off with a mere limp. Strangler oddly doesn't go for that weak spot however, opting to instead work on him with body shots. He drags Tod up by the hair, whipping him hard into a corner. Tod staggers out, holding his lower back, but walks right into a big time samoan drop from Strangler! He walks up to Tod's legs and then casually orders Mark Hebner to look at the fat chick in the first and second row … which of course allows Strangler to drop a heavy elbow right between Tod's unmentionnables!***

 

Stevens: Come on, ref!!

 

Riley: Good Lord in heaven! … She IS fat!!!

 

Stevens: He can't let Strangler get away with tactics like that!

 

Riley: Tactics?

 

Stevens: You can't low blow your opponent at will!!

 

Riley: What low blow? There was a low blow by Strangler? SHAME ON HIM!! … *snickers*

 

***Both men back up, as Tod is being choked in the corner. Breaking at Hebner's count of four, Strangler drags Tod by the hair over to the ropes and Irish whips him. Tod ducks a clothesline and then a back elbow, only to be caught in a gorilla press slam by the Bad Boy From Bean Town.***

 

Stevens: Amazing strength shown here by Strangler! Let's just hope he doesn't toss him in the front row …

 

Riley: He'll toss him wherever he damn well pleases!! Hell, Strangler presses young germans before eating BREAKFAST!!

 

Stevens: You mean, Strangler keeps young german men in his home?

 

Riley: …

 

***Strangler probably goes for Stevens' aforementionned method of hurtling his opponent in the crowd, but we'll never if that was his intention or not; as Tod slips out of the hold and lands on his feet, right behind Strangler! He locks his arms around the big man in a rear waist lock, trying to heave him off in a huge german suplex … but Strangler ain't having none of THAT.***

 

Riley: Look at that, you do NOT german suplex a big man like Boston Strangler! He'll move when he WANTS to!

 

Stevens: So in other words, he'll let his german boys do all the moving for him?

 

Riley: Wh-- .. ??

 

Stevens: Booyah!! I'm on fire tonight! …

 

***As Stevens probably high fives himself (who knows), Tod is relentless in his attempt at getting Strangler off his feet. He hammers him in the upper back with a series of stiff forearms before finally completing the move and DRIVING Strangler's head to the mat with an overhead release german suplex. Amazingly, Strangler slowly pops up, holding his head as if he bumped it against the showerhead of the little boys locker room. Tod quickly catches him in the fireman's carry position and then DRIVES him on his head once again with a vicious Death Valley Driver!***

 

Stevens: And just like Strangler's parents have been accused of in the past; Tod has dropped him RIGHT ON HIS HEAD!!

 

Riley: Stevens, your conduct is TOTALLY unprofessional! Stubby is gonna hear about this!!

 

***Tod points up to the rafters with a brief scream to the crowd, as he begins a steady climb of the turnbuckles. With Strangler in position, Tod dives off with a front flip, with "Swanton Bomb!" in mind … and it hits!! Tod throws an arm over Strangler's shoulder and puts on the lateral press for the cover.***

 

*ONE!*

 

*TWO!*

 

*THR-- …

 

***Shoulder up by Strangler. Tod orders the big man to get back up to his feet. He does so … as Tod BLASTS him with a standing side kick that most likely jarred a few teeth loose. Cover by Tod.***

 

*ONE!*

 

*TWO!*

 

*THR- …

 

***Another kick out from the big man. He once again orders the Bostonian up to his feet, no doubt wanting to attempt to kick his head off one more time. Tod extends his leg and fires off the kick … but it's caught! Strangler spins Tod around, catches him in a big goozle and nails a HUGE chokeslam on the german one.***

 

Riley: Chokeslam!! Chokeslam!! CHOKE BY GAWD SLAM!!

 

***Strangler staggers around, holding his side, recovering from the attack and then he bounces off the ropes, dropping a big leg on Tod. He hooks the leg for the cover.***

 

*ONE!*

 

*TWO!*

 

*THRE-- …

 

Stevens: NO!!!

 

Riley: WHAT??!

 

Stevens: He kicked out of The Plunge!!!

 

***Tod brandishes his fist up in the air to let his Todheads know that he's still in this thing. As he starts pounding the mat, Strangler grabs a handful of hair and raises Tod back up to his feet, shouting some trash talk at him. A big slap to the face brings Tod back down to his knees, as a pure sign of humiliation. Strangler winds up the leg … and caves in Tod's face with a NASTY kick to the facial regions. Tod brings his hands to his face, trying to count how many teeth he could've just lost, as he staggers back to his feet. Irish whip exchange sends Strangler running the ropes, as he ducks the ever popular clothesline and back elbow combo. As Tod puts his head down for a back body drop, Strangler quickly counters it with an impressive looking running DDT that puts Tod down. Strangler rolls over for the cover.***

 

*ONE!*

 

*TWO!*

 

*THRE-- …

 

Stevens: Not quite!!

 

Riley: Come on, ref!!!

 

***As Strangler rousts Mark Hebner for a faster count, Tod is still down from the DDT he took. Strangler brings him up to his feet (still using the hair of course) and makes a quick throat slashing gesture to signal that he's gonna finish this one off.***

 

Stevens: Strangler looks just about ready to win this one, Bobby.

 

Riley: Get ready for a BOSTON MASSACRE, Ground Beef!

 

***Irish whip to the ropes by Strangler. He claps his hands once for no reason and goes to lift up Tod in the military press slam, the precursor to the Boston Massacre, but Tod once again slips out from behind and dropkicks Strangler on the back of the head! The Bostonian one staggers all the way to the corner, where Tod hits him with a MASSIVE corner spear! He then hooks both of Strangler's arms … and somehow musters up the strength to lift him up with his trademark underhook belly to belly! Both men eventually up, as Tod meets Strangler with a boot to the midsection. Vertical suplex coming up, which is executed with ease. He holds onto the suplex, as the fans feel that the Sara Sequence is firing up. Tod gets Strangler back up and nails his front face suplex to perfection, dropping the big man on his stomach. He still holds on, as there's one suplex left to go.***

 

Stevens: Two down, one to go!!!!

 

Riley: Stevens, are you passing kidney stones over there?!

 

***Tod lifts up Strangler in the vertical suplex for a third time, and drops him with authority, stomach first on the top rope. As the crowd starts to heat up, Tod shouts out a rallying call to get them firmly behind him. He heads over to the ring apron, crossing the ropes. He springboards off the adjacent top rope and crashes on the back of Strangler's head with a beauty of a legdrop! As Strangler collapses back onto the canvas, Tod screams out a final cry while doing a reverse Guns To The Head motion.***

 

Stevens: And now he's signaling no doubt for the Spirit Breaker!

 

Riley: Fight up, Strangler! He'll Break your Spirit!! Who wants THAT?!

 

Stevens: Wait a second, what's this??!

 

***As heads in the audience turn, we see Tom Flesher walk down the ramp, all while dragging the US belt along in his hand.***

 

Stevens: Tom Flesher?? He's got no business here! And why does he have only the US title belt with him?

 

Riley: The other one's in the shop!! I hear he's having the Lightweight belt encrusted with diamonds or kryptonite or something. Saw it on Smallville. True story.

 

***As Tod sets up Strangler in the pumphandle position, Flesher hops up on the apron, waving his belt at Tod, screaming out stuff like "HEY! You want this?! You want it!?" and so forth. Tod completely forgets about Strangler as he drops him back to the floor as he suddenly swings at him! Flesher ducks and locks both of Tod's arms behind him. Strangler, having staggered up to his feet, sees the opportunity … charges with a clothesline … but Tod moves! As Flesher flumps down to the ringside mats, Strangler curses at his mistake, only he doesn't see Tod behind him…***

 

Riley: Behind you, Strangler!!

 

***Fans know it's coming. Strangler duly turns around … gutshot by Tod, as he swings him around in his modified neck breaker!***

 

Stevens: Cerebral Driver!!

 

Riley: NOOO!!!!

 

Stevens: The cover!!

 

*ONE!*

 

*TWO!*

 

*THREE!!*

 

***Bell rings. As the Slipknot tune fires up, Tom staggers up the ramp and beats a hasty retreat to the back.***

 

Funyon: Here is your winner: Tod - deeeeeeeee - Kiiinnn - deeeeeeesssss!!!

 

***Tod shoots a look right towards Flesher, as he doesn't even let Hebner raise his hand. He darts out of the ring, in pursuit of the US champion.***

 

Riley: Run, Tommy, run!!

 

Stevens: You can feel that Tod deKindes WANTS that US title for himself and he won't stop at anything to get it!

 

Riley: This isn't fair … Tod had the distraction of Tom Flesher in mind, yet he STILL managed to defeat Strangler … What has this world come to?

 

Stevens: Some questions have to remain unanswered, folks. Just like "has Bobby Riley ever touched a boobie?"

 

Riley: Shut up!

 

Stevens: We'll be right back!!

 

***As Mark Hebner informs a confused Strangler of his unfortunate demise, we slowly fade away to commercial break.***

 

…

 

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Coming soon, we review my Best Of Five series with Annie Eclectic, another personal favorite of mine.