Edgeucation of Adam Copeland

[Guest CanadianChick]

Greetings and salutations, Edgeheads. Sit back, grab a beer, tea, coffee or better yet, diet soda, because sodas rule, and pretend to be entertained.

 

Before I get started, I'd like to mention that I honestly forgot that my column was posted on Canada Day last week. So happy Canada Day to the Canadian Edge Addicts, and a belated happy Independence Day to the American chapter of the Edge Army (so many bad uses for the name Edge). July 1 was also the 10th anniversary of my first-ever match, in Monarch Park, Toronto. I'd trained for about a year up to that point for my big moment. It was about 100 degrees that day, and the canvas was extremely hot to the touch. My trainers (Sweet Daddy Siki & Ron Hutchison) made us do one of our training routines, called PTA. PTA stood for pain, torture and agony, and it was, especially in that heat. Once we survived that, it was time for our three-on-two handicap match. For some reason, the babyfaces had the numbers advantage, which to this day, I still don't get, but oh well. Rob "Fuego" Etchevarria, Shane Gallant and myself ("Young" Adam Copeland) vs. Joe Legend (another one of his other 70 different monikers) and the American Gladiator (Keith Assoun). Yes, we were lacking in the name department, but we were all excited. I watched the match back recently and it wasn't half bad. I got the pinfall on Keith after a sunset flip off the top. It was a crowd of about 150 people, but they didn't laugh at me. They actually cheered, and that sent me on my way. I guess now that I've reached double digits in the business, I can truly be called a veteran. But I'm not a "grizzled vet" yet.

 

Also need to congratulate Gail Kim on her Women's Championship win on RAW. Gail was trained by the aforementioned Rob "Fuego" and can do some seriously cool stuff. She will be a nice addition to the women's division. By the way, here's a little trivia. Which two Superstars won titles in their first WWE matches? Two fellow Torontonians: Gail and Christian, who won the Light Heavyweight Championship. Must be something in the water.

 

Speaking of T.O., I'm bouncing off the walls at the idea that my show, SmackDown!, is there, and I'm not. This week's show will be tough to watch. I guess it could be made easier with some Edge signs flying high (yes, that's a not-so-subtle hint).

 

And yes, I did see the We Miss Edge sign last week, and thank you. It may seem cheesy, but it does feel good to see it.

 

I received an e-mail this week from Lenny Olson, a good friend who wrestled all over the world as Dr. Luther. The e-mail told me he was retiring. It was sad to hear, but from a physical standpoint, he had to call it a day. Lenny made his mark in Japan, but also wrestled on several of the "winter death trips" in Manitoba. It was during these trips that I got to know Lenny and wrestle him quite often. He helped me a lot in the beginning, probably the most important lesson being to have fun while you're in the ring.

 

Here's an example: Tony Condello was the promoter on these trips. I've talked about him before, and unless you meet him, you can't understand how unintentionally funny Tony is. Well, on many of these trips we didn't have referees. It usually ended up that one of the boys would have the double duty of wrestling and refereeing all night. Finally, we all said no, and Tony was forced to referee. The show was on a tiny Indian reservation, which I can't recall the name of (I'm punch drunk, OK). Now, knowing that Tony would be reffing later on, Lenny hatched an evil, brilliant scheme along with Don Callis. They were able to nab Tony's red sweatpants which he wore to ref. While we distracted Tony, some Deep Heat ointment was lathered into the crotch of the pants. Now Deep Heat gets pretty warm on your shoulders and back, so you can imagine what it would do to your nether regions, underwear or not. That night was a curtain sellout. From the opening match on, we all surrounded the entranceway and watched Tony fidget and fondle himself. When it came time for my match, I approached Tony in the ring, and, in his one-of-a-kind Italian accent he said, "Ugh, I'm f***** dying in here! My b**** are on fire!" From that point on, I couldn't keep a straight face.

 

It only got worse. Throughout the match, Lenny and I would "accidentally" bump Tony in the tomatoes. Finally, the match was coming to an end. Tony could see the light of day. Or so he thought. I was up in the corner giving Lenny the dreaded 10 punches from hell. When I finished, Lenny commenced to do the classic Ric Flair face bump right in front of Tony. The only problem was he pulled Tony’s pants down on the way. Tony stood there in his little bikini briefs with palm trees on them, in complete shock.

 

By the time he realized what had happened, Lenny had a tight hold and wouldn't let him pull them up. They fought harder then we did in the match. Tony's face was redder than his pants.

 

That, however, was just the beginning. One of the guys, Jethro Hogg (who Tony always mistakenly called Jericho Hogg) brought a pig to the ring with him. His pig was named Snoots (who Tony mistakenly referred to as Snooze).Well, Tony was scared to death of the pig. So that night Lenny and Don laid a trail of breadcrumbs to Tony's bed, which was a blue gymnastics mat on the floor of the gym, and also laid them all over Tony's cherished hair. They then put yellow food coloring in his hair. All while he was asleep. We all waited to see what would happen, while pretending to sleep. Just like Mr. Burns releasing the hounds, they released the pig. It got on the breadcrumb trail immediately. It sniffed Tony's Deep Heat-laden crotch quite a bit and then moved to the bread placed in Tony's tight yellow afro. After about 30 seconds of the pig eating off his head, Tony woke up face to face with the dreaded Snoots. He lost it. He ran to the bathroom. He screamed, and said the pig p***** in his hair. At this point, we all lost it. We were all crying, we were laughing so hard. So at 3 a.m., Tony grabbed a hockey stick and chased us around the gym until he got blown up. He did almost behead Lance Storm (who he mistakenly called Land Storm, I kid you not). Lenny is a ribber that can equal the kings of ribbing, Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith. It was nights like these that taught me what fun this business can be away from the ring too. They were tough times, but Lenny helped to make them times I will never forget. Thanks, buddy.

 

Until next week, you have been Edgeucated.

[Guest Steviekick]

That was propably the least interesting Edgeucation...*yawn*

[Guest Choken One]

Is edge planning on starting a Company of Canadian Indys? HE ONLY talks about those guys nowadays...

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

I don't give a shit what anybody says, it was still a great read....

<-----post #420.....you know what that means........

[Rendclaw 0]

That was pretty funny.

 

And in light of the "Trish" incident, I'm not surprised that he toned down his Edgeucation.

[Guest Fook_Hing_Ho]

That was pretty good, but I too expected him to watch what he says.

 

Still, that pig story was quite funny.

[Guest Slapnuts00]

That was a fucking funny story. Another good one from Edge.

[Guest Nanks]

Speaking of T.O., I'm bouncing off the walls at the idea that my show, SmackDown!, is there, and I'm not. This week's show will be tough to watch.

 

Is that a shoot?

[Guest acnx]

 

Damn funny story. Another good read from Edge, in my opinion anyways.

[Invictus 0]

Gotta admit, I've really been enjoying these articles. Very good read.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

I wonder who "injured" Edge back at NWO. And if WWE will bother doing a revenge angle for Edge when he returns.

[Guest CanadianChick]

They were insinuating that Team Angle did it, but, unless Kurt is heel by the time Edge comes back, it will be someone else. Personally, I want it to be either Angle or Benoit (okay, it doesn't really make sense, but I don't care) so Edge gets a good, high-profile feud when he returns. Or it will be Rikishi with Triple H as the mastermind.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

LMAO

 

Other candidates:

 

Brock Lesnar (in case he's heel, hey, you never know!)

 

Matt Hardy

 

A-Train

 

Rhyno (he just HAPPENED to be backstage during NWO = P)

 

Kanyon (just so he can get the hell off Velocity)

[Guest Retro Rob]

They were insinuating that Team Angle did it, but, unless Kurt is heel by the time Edge comes back, it will be someone else. Personally, I want it to be either Angle or Benoit (okay, it doesn't really make sense, but I don't care) so Edge gets a good, high-profile feud when he returns. Or it will be Rikishi with Triple H as the mastermind.

Or they will forget about the ambush ever happening...

[Guest HartFan86]

Trust me...no one barely remembers Edge getting attacked.

 

No one cares either. He'll come back and no one will knowledge it.