SJL METAL - JULY 8, 2003

July 9, 2003

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SHAMELESS PLUG TIME

SJL WRATHAPALOOZA

MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA

JULY 13, 2003

CARD COMING TONIGHT

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/END SHAMELESS PLUG

July 9, 2003

SJL Metal for Tuesday, July 8th 2003

Venue: The Toilet in Oxnard, California (home of Hot Shit Wrestling, because I need the extra revenue to pay Ahmed Johnson’s food bills. Just think of the ECW bingo hall, but crappier.)

SIX MAN BATTLE ROYALE FOR A NEW CAR!

Tokyo X vs. Dominic Korgath vs Doug Sienkenwicz vs. Craig McLennan vs. "The Extreme Solution" Jonathan Clarke vs. “Carless” Mark Jindrak

Description: Commissioner Raynor is very pleased at the influx of new talent the JL has received recently. In order to allow himself and the loyal JL fan base to acquaint themselves with the n00bs better he has decided to allow them to showcase their wares in the staple of lazy bookers everywhere, the dreaded battle royale! As an extra bonus, the winner of this battle royale will be presented with a brand new 2004 Buick Rendezvous Ultra, fully loaded by the commissioner in a ceremony at Wrathapalooza! Hold on…did someone say new car! Well, I’ve got a buddy from the HSW who could sure use one of those! Let’s give him a shot too!

Rules: All five men start in the ring at the same time. One is eliminated when they go over the top rope and touch the outside floor with both feet. If a man goes through or under the ropes to the floor they will have a referee’s count of ten to reenter the ring or be eliminated. Disqualifications are also in effect and will result in an elimination. No pinfalls or submissions.

NOTE: The winner of this match will be held responsible for writing a promo for Wrathapalooza covering their receiving of the new car. It is my hope that you would use this opportunity to start a feud with one of your fellow writers.

NOTE 2: Jindrak is just there to round things out. If you are not aware of him, just treat him as your generic wrestler who’s a clueless putz. His gimmick is the fact that he doesn’t own a car and must walk or bum rides everywhere. His theme music is “Free Ride” by The Edgar Winter Group.

I’LL CONK YOU CONKLIN SINGLES MATCH

Danny Conklin vs. Todd Royal

Description: Todd Royal might have claimed the number one contendership to the T.V. Title on Crimson, but it seems there was someone already ahead of him in that line. Royal isn’t too happy with that, so let me tick him off more by squaring him off with another big winner from Crimson and one of the few faces on the roster. Conklin looked impressive in his triple threat hardcore match and a win against the number one contender for the T.V. Title might put him in line for a shot down the road as well.

Rules: Standard Singles match. DQ’s and countouts are in effect. May win by pinfall submission, DQ or countout.

HAVE AT YOU SCURVY KNAVE SINGLES MATCH FOR THE SJL T.V. TITLE

Shawn Tybalt vs. English Dragon

Description: English Dragon has returned from…uh…England, where….uh….he was…slaying dragons or something. He’s fit, rested and ready to cash in his previously won T.V. Title contest versus new champ Shawn Tybalt. There is no rest for the wicked or the Shakespearen inclined. If I had but your inches I would show you that there was a heart in Egypt.

Rules: Standard singles match. DQ’s and countouts are in effect. May win by pinfall submission, DQ or countout.

HEY I’VE GOT THREE GUYS LEFTOVER TRIPLE THREAT MATCH

Michael D. Lockwood vs. Jimmy “The Demon” Liston vs. Manson

Description: Lockwod picked up a win in his debut on Crimson, while Liston suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of Todd Royal and Manson just sat in the corner and played with string. All three of these men are at different crossroads in their SJL careers and a win here will put one of them on the right path.

Rules: All three men are allowed in the ring at the same time. First pinfall or submission wins. DQ’s and countouts are in effect, but will act like an elimination and the other two grapplers will continue on without the third.

BEING FROM EAST ST. LOUIS IS A SIN IF I EVER HEARD ONE SINGLES MATCH

“The Sinner” John Duran vs. Scott Solomon

Description: Scott Solomon came within a hair’s breadth of winning another shot at the European Title on Crimson, but fell to Viktor Tarakanov, allowing him a World Title shot. On the same show, Duran barely lost his chance at the World Title by falling to Aecas. Solomon made one World Title contender, while Duran made the other. Who can pull out the win here and get back on track for SJL gold?

Rules: Standard singles match. DQ’s and countouts are in effect. May win by pinfall submission, DQ or countout.

WEAPON OF CHOICE MATCH

“Hollywood” Spike Jenkins vs. “Canadian Thunder” Chris Trepanier

Description: The fans don’t seem to like Treapnier because he’s a cocky Canadian, while they seem to hate Jenkins because he’s a cocky douchetard. How to give the fans something to root for when these two square off? Well, just guarantee a lot of humor, weapons and blood!

Rules: There are two tables set up on the entrance stage to the right of the wrestlers as they walk out from the back.

Table A contains:

A steel folding chair

A four and a half foot folding step ladder

A heavy six foot long steel dog chain

A wooden baseball bat

An aluminum trash can

Table B contains:

A fire extinguisher

A six foot rubber dinosaur

A Garden Weasel

A two man kayak

A milk crate full of Pat Boone albums

Each man may select one item from each table to carry to the ring and use in the match. The use of their opponent’s weapons or any other foreign objects will result in a DQ. Countouts are not in effect, but all pinfalls must take place in the ring. Must win by pinfall or submission.

TAG TEAM MATCH TO STALL TITLE SHOTS AND LOOK LIKE A BIG MAIN EVENT

Charlie “The Grappler” Matthews and Leo Breslin vs. Viktor Tarakanov and Tim Dillon

Description: Both of the SJL’s top champions have formidable challenges looming their way for Wrathapalooza, but that doesn’t mean that there aren't other challenges lying beyond. Tarakanov won a World Title match (to be cashed in after Wrathapalooza) on this past Crimson, while Tim Dillon and Leo Breslin didn’t make the best of tag team partners. Accidentally smacking your partner with the European Title will do that. Let’s see if Dillon and Breslin fair better with their new buddies.

Rules: Standard tag match. DQ’s and countouts are in effect. A team may win by pinfall, submission, countout or DQ. Only one man is allowed in the ring at one time while his partner stands on the apron with his hand on the tag rope in order to make the legal tag.

July 9, 2003

Axis: Hello, fans! We have another great show on tap for you, and to kick things off, we have what may very well be the show stealer! We've got Dominic Korgath, Craig McLennan, Doug Sienkenwicz, "Shining Black" Tokyo X, HSW talent "Carless" Mark Jindrak, and I've just received word that there's been a late addition to this match, "The Extreme Solution", Johnathan Clarke!

King: Here we go again...

Funyon: Our opening bout of the evening, is a 6-man Battle Royal! The winner will be presented with a brand new 2004 Buick Rendezvous Ultra, at Wrathapalooza!

As FUnyon steps out of the ring, the arena lights go out, and after a few seconds, a fuse like pyro starts to burn at the base of the entrance ramp. The pyro runs up the entrance ramp, culminating in a deep red explosion at the top of the ramp. Adema's “Immortal” kicks out over the speakers. The lights go up as Johnathan stands in the entrance way with his back to the crowd, his arms extended out to the sides and raised slightly. He spins around walking down to the ring, giving the crowd on either side a few high fives, before sliding face first into the centre of the ring. Getting to his feet, he moves to one of the turnbuckles jumping up onto the second turnbuckle and looking out at the crowd before jumping back into the ring.

A loud sound of an Oriental gong is heard three times. At the third gong, the lights black out. When they come back on 5 seconds later, Korgath is in the ring.

The Sien's metal-ish theme plays. He struts out with his nose stuck up in the air. He climbs the ring steps and into the rings, puts his hands on his hip and waits for the rest of his opponents.

BANG BANG! A loud explosion can be heard, as Craig McLennan comes out to a remixed version of the song "Feuer Frei" by Rammstein. He Reaches into his suit, and produces a Zippo© brand lighter. He walks to the ring, but halfway down the ramp, he notices a TokyoX sign. He takes the sign from a little girl, and flicks on his lighter, and proceeds to burn the sign to nothing more than a pile of ashes. He puts the lighter down in the corner of the ring, hops up onto the apron, then to the top, and backflips into the ring.

The lights begin to dim once more, as Tank by Seo Taiji begins to blast through the amplifiers. As the chorus hits Tokyo X comes out to a bunch of boos and a few cheers, and as X walks down the aisle he threatens the fans near him. Tokyo nears the ring when he sees a little child no more than 10 years old holding up a Craig McLennan sign, Tokyo sees it and quickly snatches from his hands. Seeing the tears in the boy's eyes, Tokyo X rips the sign to shreds!!! Tokyo steps into the ring and stares down the referee and calmly walks to the corner of the ring awaiting his opponent.

“Free Ride” by The Edgar Winter Group blares over the loudspeakers, as we hear an engine(!?) revving, and we see the curtains pulled apart by... a large yellow bus.

King: WHAT THE HELL!? Why is that bus here? And who is that guy in the bus!?

The bus make its way to ringside, where it stops just before hitting the ring. The door opens, and out steps "Carless" Mark Jindrak. As he gets out, he calls to the bus driver. "Thanks for the ride, man!" He jumps onto the ring apron, and into the ring.

DING DING DING!

Axis: The bell has rung, and here we go with our first match! King, who's your pick?

King: Well, I'd have to say Jindrak, because he's obviously got the desire. I mean, he doesn't have a car, and whoever wins this one gets a 2004 Buick Rendezvous Ultra! He has to want it more than the other guys in this match

The wrestlers are all moving around the ring, trying to avoid one another, until The Sien catches Clarke in a headlock. Clarke pushes him off towards the ropes, but McLennan pushes Sienkenwicz out of the way, and hits a Japanese armdrag on Clarke as he bounces off the ropes. As McLennan is still on his back, Sienkenwicz nails him with a big legrop, crushing his throat. As this is happening, TokyoX and Mark Jindrak have grabbed Korgath, and are beating the stuffing out of him with a barrage of heavy punches and kicks. They try to eliminate him, but can barely get one of his legs off the ground.

King: Good strategy, I don't hink just one man will be able to get The big man up and over. A team effort is the only way I can see him being eliminated. Even the two men are having trouble with him!

Axis: Excellent point, King.

Clarke has by now joined the effort to get rid of Korgath, leaving Sienkenwicz and McLennan alone to fight each other.McLennan has Sienkenwicz in a headlock, but is pushed off towards the ropes. He come back with a shoulderblock, knocking The Sien down, and runs into the ropes on his left side. As he comes back, Sienkenwicz flattens himself on the mat, forcing McLennan to jump over. McLennan hits the opposite ropes, and bounces back, as Sienkenwicz gets ready to monkey flip McLennan, who cartwheels over him. Sienkenwicz gets up, but McLennan jump onto of his shoulders, and bends back with a hurricanrana attempt, but SIenkenwicz blocks it, and pulls McLennan up again. Sienkenwicz throws McLennan up into the air behind him, but McLennan somehow lands on the ropes! Using them as a springboard, McLennan Leaps into the air once more, Going for a sunset flip on Sienkenwicz, who is taken down to his back.

King: I think McLennan's forgotten that you can't win this match by pinfall.

McLennan Now Grabs Sienkenwicz's hands while still in pinning position, and pulls them underneath Sienkenwicz's body, forcing him to roll backwards, onto his feet. Still holding His hands, McLennan Monkey flips Sienkenwicz, who lands on his feet. McLennan and Sienkenwicz both turn to face each other at the same time, and reach a standstill. McLennan extends his hand to Sienkenwicz, who gives McLennan a very quick handshake, not trusting him. As Sienkenwicz turns away to appeal to the booing crowd, McLennan Nails a standing dropkick, sending Sienkenwicz flying over the top rope to the floor.

Axis: And Doug Sienkenwicz is the first to be eliminated!

King: Now this match should get interesting. McLennan is joining the attack on Korgath!

Korgath is by now on the ring apron, holding onto the bottom rope, frantically attempting to get out. McLennan sees an opportunity, and runs to the opposite side of the ring. Bouncing off the ropes, he slides on his back, feet-first into Korgath, who tumbles to the outside, eliminated.

Axis: Korgath is gone! It's the Final Four!

King: Mmm... Cliche.

Axis: McLennan is really on fire here!

King: Was that a pun?

Axis: Well, actually, now that I think about it, that WAS pretty funny...

King: No, no it wasn't. Never say that again.

The four men each go to a separate corner of the ring, and they stare at eahc other, willing someone to make the first move. TokyoX Finally runs across the ring, flying at Clarke with a Body Splash in the corner. Clarke moves out of the way, causing Tokyo to crash sternum-first into the turnbuckle. Meanwhile, McLennan and Jindrak battle in the opposite corner.Both McLennan and Tokyo go for Irish Whips at the same time, but just before Jindrak and Clarke crash into each other, Clarke leapfrogs over Jindrak, and they trade opponents.

Clarke and McLennan lock up, And Clarke gains the advantage, getting behind McLennan with a Full Nelson. He lifts Him up, and drops down to his knees, sending McLennan crashing into the ground.

Axis: There's the Extreme Bomb on McLennan! McLennan might be eliminated in a matter of seconds!

King: We'll see about that.

Clarke sends McLennan into the ropes, but at the last second, McLennan reverses and Clarke hurtles towards the opposite end of the ring, bouncing off the ropes. As he comes back, McLennan backdrops him out of the ring... onto the bus!

Axis: The referee isn't signalling that Clarke has been eliminated, I guess that the bus doesn't count for eliminations!

King: Clarke is still in the match... and McLennan leaps out over the top after him!

McLennan ducks a short clothesline attempt, and executes a drop toe-hold, sending Clarke sprawling dangerously close to the edge of the bus's hood. Clarke kicks McLennan in the head from his back, sending McLennan teetering near the edge as well. Clarke carefully climbs into the open door of the bus, and takes a moment to catch his breath.

King: Good move, he can't be eliminated from inside the bus!

Axis: Wait a minute! McLennan is following him in the bus! What's going to happen next!?

King: Well, they're probably going to try to eliminate each other.

Axis: Do you HAVE to make a sarcastic comment about everything?

King: Yeah, it's my job.

McLennan grabs Clarke inside the bus, and rams him head-first into the thick windows on either side. Clarke eventually gains the advantage with an elbow to the face as McLennan tries to beat his head against the glass once more. Clarke goes for an Irish Whip(!?) from the fron end of the bus into the windshield, but McLennan reverses, sending Clarke flying straight through the glass!

Axis: OH MY GOD! Clarke is dead! Good God almighty, how could he be alive after something like that!?

King: Well, maybe none of his major ateries were... (cut off by Axis)

Axis: DO be quiet, for once!

McLennan climbs out through the remains of the windshield, and non-chalantly pushes a bloody Clarke off the hood to the floor with his foot. He climbs back in the ring, where TokyoX is about to be eliminated by Jindrak. Jindrak lets go of Tokyo when he is on the apron, and backs up about half a foot, then leaps into the air, dropkicking Tokyo into the barricade at ringside, leaving Jindrak and McLennan alone.

Axis: Jindrak and McLennan are the final two remaining. One of these men will be rewarded with a brand-new 2004 Buick Ultra!

King: Personally, I'd rather have a Porsche.

McLennan Locks up with Jindrak, and gains the advantage with an arm wringer. He pulls down violently on the arm, hyperextending the shoulder, causing Jindrak to shout out in pain, clutching his arm with his free hand. Jindrak puts his forearm into the face of McLennan, forcing him back into the ropes by the bus. Jindrak punches him in the stomach, Once, Twice, Three times. He throws him off, into the opposite ropes, and McLennan bounces off of them. Jindrak puts his head down for a backdrop attempt, but McLennan stops just in time. As Jindrak Lifts his head up once more, he is caught with a dropkick to the chin. As he staggers back, McLennan moves back about 4 feet, and gets a running start, looking for a big clothesline to send Jindrak over the top to the floor. But Jindrak drops his head down again, and backdrops McLennan to the outside, onto the bus once more!

Axis: Remember, McLennan isn't eliminated yet, his feet haven't touched the floor!

King: He may as well be, Look at all that broken glass still on the hood of the bus! McLennan's back may be scarred for life!

Jindrak, thinking he's won, jumps up and down, yelling "I've FINALLY got a car! I've FINALLY got a car!" Meanwhile, McLennan gets up, showing his bloody back, with several shards of glass still piercing his flesh. He climbs to the top of the bus slowly.

Axis: Oh My God! He should NOT be up already! It's inhuman! McLennan is not a human being!

King: Calm down. Just because you're a wimp doesn't mean that everybody else is.

Axis: Oh, VERY professional, King.

King: Speak for yourself, criticizing me for not being a perfect professional isn't very professional of you.

Axis: I... Uhhh... Oh, just watch the damned match.

McLennan waits on top of the bus for Jindrak to face him.

King: He isn't really going to jump, is he?

Axis: I think he is, King. I think he is.

King: Oh, God. He's a lunatic.

Jindrak turns around, after the referee tells him that he hasn't won. McLennan leaps as soon as he sees Jindrak begin to turn. McLennan flies toward Jindrak, landing on his shoulder, and wraps his legs around Jindrak's head. McLennan turns to the right as he begins to fall backwards, and flips Jindrak up and over the top rope. Jindrak bounces off the ring apron, and lands on the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Axis: OH MY GOD! McLennan has just won this match, with a beautiful flying hurricanrana... From the top of a BUS!

Funyon: The winner of this bout, and a brand new 2004 Buick Rendezvous Ultra, to be presented at Wrathapalooza, Craaaaaaaig McLeeeeeeeenaaaaaaan!

King: You were right, for once.

Axis: I... I was?

King: Yeah, He really WAS going to jump.

Axis: I see. Well, like I said before, that match might have been the show stealer. But don't worry, there's plenty more where that came from. COming up after the break, we've got Danny Conklin and Todd Royal, in what should be another great match.

July 9, 2003

As we return to Oxnard, and to Metal, the camera pans around the Toilet’s Bowl- scanning the jam packed crowd chanting “S-J-L”, “S-J-L”, “S-J-L” and holding their hand made signs, before settling on the announce position where Axis and Suicide King sit.

Axis: Welcome back to METAL! We’ve already seen an amazing Battle Royal and right now we’re in for another one…

King: That’s right, the brand NEW top contender to the SJL Television Championship Todd Royal will take on some insignificant citizen of the Kingdom of Todd.

Axis: Would you please?!? Royal will be taking on the UNDEFEATED Danny Conklin, in a match of two of the brightest stars in the SJL. Two men come in with un-marred records, but once we’re through, only one man will remain unbeaten.

King: Todd Royal.

Axis: Why do I even try?

Suddenly the speakers explode with the sounds of Off Kilter’s “Danny Boy”. From behind the curtain comes Danny Conklin, conspicuously alone, but smiling nonetheless. He walks down the ramp, smiling at the fans and handing out his own clovers to the cheers of the appreciative fans. Conklin slides into the ring and to the turnbuckle, raising his arms as the crowd erupts in cheers.

Funyon: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a 30 minute time limit. Announcing first, from Dublin Ireland…weighing in at 220 lbs…this is DANNY CONKLIN!!!”

Axis: Danny Conklin out here by himself tonight, as Janet is at home recovering from the injuries she sustained last week on Crimson…

King: She’s at HOME? Why?!? Ireland has HORRRIBLE health care, she should have stayed here in the good ol’ USA. Those Conklin’s never struck me as bright people.

With that, the lights in the venue go down, and a white spotlight drops from the sky to the sounds of a heavenly chorus. Suddenly the chords of Motley Crue’s “Live Wire” kick in over the loadspeakers as blue and white strobe lights flash over the arena. The audience erupts into boos as Megan Skye steps through the ropes, parting the curtain and allowing Todd Royal onto the ramp. Royal mocks the fans as he enters the ring and throws his sunglasses at his opponent, drawing even more jeers from the crowd.

Funyon: “And his opponent…accompanied by Megan Skye, and hailing from San Diego, California…weighing in at 235 lbs…he is the # 1 Contender for the SJL Television Title…TODD ROYAL!!!”

Referee Anthony Michael Hall goes to Conklin’s corner and pats down his boots and tights for foreign objects, finding nothing but a stray shamrock, which he discards to a cheering female fan. Crossing the ring, Hall looks to do the same to Royal, but Todd protests, refusing to submit to the search until Megan places the towel over Todd’s boot to prevent finger printing. The crowd boos heartily as Royal removes his vest and circles to the middle of the ring.

*DING* *DING* *DING*

Axis: And we’re under way here on Metal with Todd Royal and Danny Conklin!

Royal and Conklin lock up in the center of the ring, see-sawing back and forth. Royal slides behind with a Hammerlock, wrenching the shoulder of the Irishman. Conklin tries to snap mare out, but Todd blocks and Conklin spins out into a knuckle lock. When Royal attempts to break the grip, Conklin boots him in the kidney and spins into a Hammerlock of his own, earning cheers from the crowd. Royal drops into a drop-toe-hold, spinning up into a lower leg grapevine- then smirks before falling backwards with an elbow to the head.

Axis: Beautiful wrestling sequence by Conklin and Royal there, trading holds and reversals like the world class wrestlers they are.

King: Yeah, and how about the way Todd finished it off? He wrapped his leg around Conklin’s calf and snapped it back, tearing the tendons in Conklin’s knee.

Royal releases the grapevine and slides into another Hammerlock on the face-down Conklin. Still holding the wrist, Royal floats over the shoulders of his opponent, yanking the arm, and slides into a front chancery.

King: Ingenious move by our Todd and Savior, floating over while holding the Hammerlock. When the arm snapped off, Danny Conklin’s natural reaction was to grab for his shoulder. When the arm went up, Royal seized it and locked on the face lock.

Axis: I may not like the guy, but he can wrestle…

Todd pulls Conklin to his feet, but Danny drops to one knee and grabs his opponents right knee. Royal tries to pull him back up, but Conklin pulls up o the knee and drives forward, jamming Royal into the mat with a single-leg takedown. As Todd hit’s the mat, Conklin-still holding the leg- leaps over his opponent’s prone body, jackknifing the leg. Danny continues to roll through, locking on an ankle lock to cheers from the crowd.

Axis: And an equally impressive sequence by Conklin, taking Royal down with the amateur-style takedown, wrenching the knee, and ending up in a ankle lock. He worked his way down from the back to the ankle with that combo.

King: Eh, not so impressive- he should pick a body part and stick to it. The Irish are so indecisive.

Attempting to get out of the hold, Royal kicks his left leg at Conklin’s face. Conklin ducks away, but Todd is able to catch him with an enziguri. As Conklin hit’s the mat, Royal brings his right leg up and hooks on a head scissors. Using the ropes, Conklin is able to make it to his feet, but he is unable to break the grip on the hold. When Conklin IS able to break the hold, and shove the upside-down Royal away, Todd bounces his legs off the ropes and rebounds right back into the grip.

King: Woah! Conklin thought he had the head scissors broken, but Todd stands on his head and springs off the top rope- ala Tajiri- to go right back to the hold. Impressive!

Royal hooks the leg of Danny Conklin and pulls it forward, slamming the Irish fighter to the mat with Todd on top of him. Royal floats over, looking for a Boston Crab, but Conklin kicks him to the ropes. As Royal rebounds, Conklin pumps his legs forward, catching Royal with a monkey flip. Todd lands on his feet and whips around, but Conklin spins to his feet. The competitors face off as the crowd gets to its feet and applauds the sequence.

Axis: Incredible display of technical wrestling, dexterity and balance by Conklin and Royal. These two have proved in that short period why they are the future of the SJL.

King: Royal was just playing with leprechaun boy. Now that he’s lulled Conklin into a false sense of security, he’ll go in for the kill.

As the two men star each other down, Conklin moves forward to hook in another lockup. Royal begs off however, telling Conklin to wait while he towels off. The crowd boos Todd as Megan Skye wipes his brow and chest with the towel.

Finally locking up, Royal spins out and Irish Whips Conklin to the turnbuckle. He charges in after his opponent, but Danny boots him in the face, pulls himself to a sitting position on the top rope, and leaps with a flying Bulldog. Todd ducks the flying Irishman however, and neck whips Conklin once he hit’s the mat. Royal whips Conklin to the ropes and follows after him with a clothesline, putting Conklin to the outside. Royal hits the opposite ropes, hitting a baseball slide dropkick that sends Conklin crashing into the ring barricade.

King: Brutal shot by Royal, sending Conklin back-first into the guard rail! I told you Royal would easily handle him once he got him all confident.

Axis: I wouldn’t count Danny Conklin out yet. While he may be proficient in mat wrestling, Conklin feels most confident in a brawling atmosphere like outside the ring.

King: Yeah, that’s right, the guy’s a punk.

Royal slides out after Conklin and fires off a clothesline, but Danny ducks and catches Royal around the waist, stepping forward and dropping Todd across the guard rail with a Stun Gun. Conklin picks his opponent up and whips him into the ring apron, following him in with a knee to the small of the back. Danny pulls Royal back, and goes to work with a flurry of punches that stagger Todd and send him reeling as the crowd reacts to the Irishman’s brutal offense.

“I-RISH BAR FIGHT! *clap* *clap* *clapclapclap*” “I-RISH BAR FIGHT! *clap* *clap* *clapclapclap*”

Conklin smiles and rolls Royal back into the ring, going up to the top rope and coming in with a flying knee to the back of a his opponent. Conklin lifts him to his feet and hit’s a flying heel kick, drawing “ooh’s” from the crowd as Royal crashes to the canvas. Conklin goes to the ropes and leaps to the top, springing off and spinning around, nailing a prone Todd with the Thrice Cloved leg drop.

Axis: And Conklin takes to the air with an amazing leg drop! That’s the Thrice Cloved and it could be the end for Royal.

King: Yeah right, no flying leprechaun is going to defeat your Todd and Savior!

Conklin covers as Anthony Michael Hall drops down to make the count.

“ONE!”

.

“TWO!”

.

Kickout!

Undeterred, Conklin goes to work again, sending Royal hard into the turnbuckle. Danny follows him in, leaping off the second rope and hitting a huge dropkick to the face of Todd and drawing a chorus of cheers from the crowd. Following up, Conklin mounts the second turnbuckle and leaps off with a second rope elbow to the neck of Royal. The crowd cheers him on as Danny picks his opponent up and places him on the turnbuckle, leaping up after him and hitting a Top Rope huricanrana to send Royal to the mat.

As the crowd erupts, Conklin heads back to the top rope. He throws his arms in the air as he makes it to the top, and points at Royal, getting the crowd on their feet.

“DANNY BOY!” “DANNY BOY!” “DANNY BOY!”

Axis: Conklin going up top again, looking for some high risk move, perhaps a flying elbow, 450 splash or even the Highlight!

King: But Conklin’s putting his life on the line here. If he can’t hit his move, all his weight crashes to the ground from 6 feet in the air!

Axis: Conklin knows what he’s doing up there, he’s as comfortable up there as he is in a pub!

King: So he’s as confident as a drunk? That reassures me…

Conklin leaps, rotating in the air with a 450 degree splash…but when he gets to the mat, he hits only canvas as Todd rolls away from the impact site. Conklin comes up clutching his knee and holding his head, and Todd takes the opportunity to dive in with a chop block, clipping Danny to the mat.

King: AHA! I told you so! Conklin took too much of a risk and it cost him big…Danny Conklin is in HUGE trouble now.

Axis: And Todd Royal, seeing the injured knee of Conklin, strikes like a shark that smells blood, taking the leg out from under Conklin.

King: That’s right, just like he should…

Royal, sensing an opportunity, drives his knee into the back of Conklin’s knee, drawing a yelp from the Irishman. Todd rolls his opponent onto his face and plants his foot in the back of the joint, jumping up and stomping down with a huge knee crusher. As Conklin rolls around in pain, Royal grabs his leg and drops into a leg bar. Sliding to the ropes, Royal lounges back as Megan towels the perspiration from his forehead.

The crowd boos the arrogance of Todd, but Royal is quickly on his feet again, grapevining the leg and using the ropes to pull leverage on the lower extremity of Conklin. Picking him up, Royal drives Danny back to the mat with a huge Kneebreaker, before jumping up in the air in celebration and walking over to his opponent. Royal steps on Danny’s face, spinning around with a boot scrape and landing with his shin across the throat, drawing a 5 count and a series of boos for the illegal choke.

“1”…”2”…”3”…”4”…BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Axis: Royal is merciless in his dissection of Conklin’s leg, taking apart the knee with submission holds and high impact moves…

King: He’s capitalized on the injury and zeroed in on the knee, setting him up for that Wrath of Todd, the Figure 4 Leglock.

Royal picks Conklin up in a front face-lock, smirks briefly, and snap suplexes Danny to the mat. Royal rolls his hips and makes it back to his feet, lifting Conklin back up and falling back in a straight Vertical Suplex. Another roll of the hips brings the pair back to their feet, and Royal brings Conklin up into a delayed vertical hold. Royal steps to the ropes, allowing Megan to lean in under the ropes and shine his boots. The crowd boos as Royal drops him, completing the Trinity, and floats over into a cover.

“ONE!”

.

“TWO!”

.

“THR…..KICKOUT!”

Axis: Royal hit’s the Trinity, but Conklin is able to kickout before 3, the Irish high-flyer is still alive and kicking!

King: He won’t be kicking very hard with that bum knee!

Royal scowls at Conklin and Hall, then grabs the leg of Danny, swinging him around into a Single Leg Boston Crab. As the ref checks on Conklin for the submission, Royal reaches back with his free hand and grasps the middle rope, pulling back hard with the extra leverage. The crowd boos even more fiercely, drawing the referee to check on the hold. Todd releases his grip on the rope, leading Hall to point to the rope and question him. Megan wraps the towel around the rope, however, and demonstrates that she was simply stretching with the assistance of the rope.

Hall shrugs and goes back to questioning Conklin, but Royal immediately grabs the rope again, leading to even more screams from Danny. Hall immediately snaps up, noticing the hand on the cable, and kicks it off, sending Royal tumbling to the mat.

King: That was completely UNFAIR! Anthony Michael Hall has no business being physically involved in this match!

Axis: Royal was blatantly cheating! He was using the rope for extra leverage to wrench that Crab hold in on Conklin!

King: That’s ridiculous! Megan was simply toning her body by exercising while Todd crushed an opponent, and Royal was just providing resistance. It’s just a coincidence that he had a hold on Conklin at the same time, he’s quite the multi-tasker you know…

Royal scowls at Hall before grabbing Conklin around the neck and pulling him into the center of the ring. Royal pulls Danny ‘s head between his legs and scowls, pulling his thumb across his neck in an execution signal. As Todd pulls Danny into a Power bomb position, Conklin spins onto his shoulders and rolls forward in a victory roll. The crowd erupts as Hall counts…

“ONE!”

.

“TWO!”

.

“THR…..”

.

“E….”

.

KICKOUT!

Axis: Oh! Royal looked shocked at the pin and was almost done for before he clubbed the injured knee of Conklin, breaking the cradle.

King: He’s a thinking man’s wrestler Axis! That was Danny Conklin’s last effort, a desperation move, and it failed…its only a matter of time before Royal puts him away.

But as the competitors get to their feet, Conklin fires off a series of punches to stagger Royal against the ropes. Royal attempts a clothesline, but Danny ducks and drops down into a DDT, sending Todd crashing face-first into the mat. The crowd begins to clap in time, urging Conklin to get to his feet and capitalize, but when Danny makes it up, he is met by Megan Skye on the apron. Skye tries to choke Conklin with her towel, but Danny throws his weight on the ropes to send Megan to the outside.

King: ACK! Conklin just attacked a defenseless woman! Disqualification! DQ!

Axis: Defenseless? Megan was trying to choke Conklin, and Danny didn’t even hit her, he hit the ropes!

Danny turns around to re-focus on his opponent, but Royal boots Conklin in the knee, doubling Danny over in pain. Royal makes it to his feet and looks for a DDT of his own, but Conklin summons his energy and backdrops Todd over the top rope and into a pile on the floor. The crowd gets to their feet as Conklin limps to the opposite ropes, gets a semi-running start, and launches himself onto Royal and Skye with a springboard twisting Senton. As Conklin crawls on the outside, the crowd shows their appreciation.

“DANNY BOY!” “DANNY BOY!” “DANNY BOY!” “DANNY BOY!”

Axis: AMAZING move by Conklin! On essentially one leg, Danny Conklin was able to overcome Royal and hit a fantastic twisting Senton!

King: But you know what they say about a one legged man in an ass kicking contest, Royal is not down yet, and he has TWO good wheels!

Conklin rolls his opponent into the middle of the ring and looks towards the corner. The crowd POPS as Conklin crosses himself and hops up to the top rope. The crowd, already standing , begins to jump up and down as Danny Conklin signals for the Highlight! Royal is not moving on the mat as Danny leaps…..and…..Hit’s the Highlight!!!! The crowd goes insane and Anthony Michael Hall drops down to count, but instead of covering, Conklin rolls to the corner and clutches his knee, screaming in pain.

Axis: YESS!! The Highlight! This is ove…..OHH! Conklin slammed his knees HARD into the mat on that Shooting Star Press, and is in a LOT of pain. He can’t even cover, he’s just rolling on the mat in pain.

King: AWESOME!

Axis:…Shut up. Referee Hall is checking on Conklin and it looks like he’s going to call for medics, but NO! Conklin refuses to let him, and now he’s crawling for the cover!

“ONE!”

.

“TWO!”

.

“THR….”

.

“E…e.e.e.e….”

.

KICKOUT!

King: Royal Kicks out!!!! Conklin spent too much time licking his wounds, and now Todd lives!

The crowd deflates as Conklin, obviously in pain, lifts Royals to his feet and begins to pound away with another flurry of fists. Danny tries a huge roundhouse, but Todd ducks and hooks Conklin around the waist. Picking Danny up, Royal hooks the injured knee and drives it into his own knee. Conklin collapses to the mat in pain, and Todd lifts the leg up. The crowd boos as Royal spins around, grapevining the leg, and hooks in the Wrath of Todd!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

King: The Wrath of Todd! With Conklin’s dead leg, there is no WAY he’s getting out of this!

Axis: But Danny reaching for the ropes! Dragging Royal across the ring! He’s going to do it!!!

King: No he’s NOT!! Royal pulls him back into the center of the ring! Locking it on tight! The ref needs to check for the submission!

T….

.

TA….

.

T-T-TA…..

.

TAP!

*DING* *DING* *DING*

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Funyon: “The winner of this match, by submission, TODD ROYAL!”

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Axis: A valiant effort by Conklin, but it is Royal who comes out on top!

King: That’s right, Royal is king! Hail TODD!

Royal and Skye head to the back, laughing at the boos, as the announcers send us to break.

Axis: Todd Royal is our number one contender to the TV title, but up next we’ll see whether he’ll face English Dragon, or the current Champ…Shawn Tybalt.

King: STAY TUNED!

Edited July 9, 2003 by Longdogger_Pete

July 9, 2003

Axis: Fans, it’s time for what promises to be quite the intriguing battle for the SJL Television Title, as the current champion, Shawn Tybalt, takes on previous holder, the English Dragon.

King: I don’t really care about the match, Axis, I just want to see Dangeress walking past our announce table!

Axis: (ignoring the King) These two men have a lot in common-the very same height, virtually identical in weight and have both been in the SJL for a similar amount of time, both wearing the TV title. They also both utilise the figure four leglock as a finisher.

King: Dangeress has a great ass!

Axis: Not to mention the fact that both men have huge, somewhat disturbed egos and aren’t afraid to break the rules to gain victory.

King: (paying attention) Now wait a minute, Axis, are you calling these two athletes cheats?

Axis: We have it all on tape in the SJL video library, King. I’m not going to argue with you over this again!

King: Ah, so you admit I’m right?

Axis: Let’s go over to the legend that is FUNYON for our introductions…

FUNYON: Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is set for one fall and is for the S….J….L Television Title! Introducing first the challenger…from London, England, weighing 223lbs…the English Draaaaaaaagoooooooooon!

“Land of Hope and Glory” strikes up through The Toilet and the English Dragon walks out to the jeers off the fans. Dragon stops his walk to the ring halfway down the aisle and looks around him at the fans and the arena. He shakes his head and holds his nose through his white and red mask.

Axis: We haven’t seen the English Dragon in the SJL over the past few shows, but he doesn’t seem to have changed his disposition for the better!

King: He’s a refined gentleman, Axis, and he has to wrestle in a place called “The Toilet”! What do you expect? These fans are lucky he showed up!

Dragon jumps onto the ring apron and wipes his boots, before stepping into the ring under the top rope and bouncing on the spot in a corner, rolling his shoulders and snapping his head back and forth.

Dragon’s music fades out as black smokes begins to pour out around the entranceway. The lights flood the arena with red as the Gorillaz “Clint Eastwood” pumps out, and the voice of Shawn Tybalt intones: "Peace? I hate the word. As I hate hell, all these fans, and thee."

FUNYON: Aaaaaand his opponent, accompanied to the ring by Dangeress, from Fair Verona, where he lays his scene, weighing 219lbs…he is the SJL Television Champion, “The Rebel” Shaaaaaaaaaawn Tyyyyyybaaaaaaaaalt!

Tybalt walks out to a thoroughly hostile reception from the SJL fans. With Shawn dressed all in black, the Television Title stands out, strapped around his waist and shining in the light as Tybalt strolls down to the ring, Dangeress following closely behind. Tybalt jaws with a few fans as he walks, throwing the finger at them and smirking at the anger he provokes.

Axis: The champion is a confident, angry and dangerous man.

King: Did you say Dangeress?

Axis: No, but she has to be considered a big factor in this match. Dragon will have to keep an eye on her.

King: I can do that for him!

Tybalt rolls into the ring, climbs onto the second rope in the nearest corner and performs a crotch chop that earns him further jeers from the crowd. Dangeress takes a place at ringside, applauding her man’s entrance.

Our referee for this match, Sexton Hardcastle, stands between the two men, watching them both intently. Tybalt jumps down from the ropes and strides over to Sexton, who explains the rules of the match to both men. Sexton starts checking Dragon for foreign objects. Dragon recoils, disgusted, and refuses to let Hardcastle touch him. Sexton turns to Tybalt, and tries to take the Television Title belt from him, but Tybalt fixes him with such a look of contempt that Sexton shrugs and calls for the bell. Tybalt takes off the strap and hands it to Dangeress over the top rope.

King: What was Hardcastle doing, trying to put his hands on these men?

Axis: Sexton has officiated matches featuring both Tybalt and Dragon, and is fully aware that they will do anything to pick up the victory!

King: It’s prejudice, Axis, plain and simple.

DING DING DING

In the ring, Tybalt and Dragon both stick out their right hands for a shake at the exact same moment. Both men look at each other extremely doubtfully and begin to withdraw their hands, but see each other moving and immediately stick them out again. Slowly their hands meet….and we get a shake!

King: Great sportsmanship from these fine men!

Tybalt suddenly tries to pull Dragon towards him with the handshake, just as Dragon tries to do the same, and neither man is moved! Both men try again before grabbing their hands away angrily and starting to circle each other.

Axis: Yeah, that was really special. They both wanted the cheap shot!

Tybalt suddenly dives forward, zipping across the mat and trying to grab the right leg of Dragon, but the Englishman skips to one side and Tybalt goes past him, sliding back to his feet. Tybalt smoothes back his hair and strokes his moustache, before beckoning Dragon on. Dragon slowly inches forwards, both men alert, on the balls of their feet. They lunge forward and go into a collar and elbow tie up, struggling for position, but neither man can get an advantage.

Axis: There’s no advantage in strength on either side here…neither champion nor challenger is going to be able to overpower the opponent.

Dragon and Tybalt break simultaneously and step backwards. “The Rebel” tries to charge Dragon with a short arm clothesline, but Dragon ducks. The challenger spins around and wraps his arms around Tybalt’s waist from behind. Dragon tries to flip Tybalt off his feet but Tybalt throws his right elbow back, smashing it into the Englishman’s jaw.

Dragon breaks the waistlock, and Tybalt turns, grabbing Dragon by his left arm and whipping him towards the ropes. Dragon comes back fast, ducking under Shawn’s lariat and reaching the ropes on the other side of the ring. The challenger rebounds, and slides down low, going through the legs of Tybalt.

The masked man is up quickly as Tybalt turns, and Dragon leaps into the air, snapping his legs forward with a drop-kick attempt. Tybalt, however, is too fresh and aware and is able to simply step aside; leaving Dragon’s boots connecting with nothing but air. The English Dragon falls to the mat heavily but immediately starts to get back up. As he does so the Television Champion takes him by the arm and attempts to whip him off the ropes once more, but as Dragon goes past him he stops and spins round, reversing the whip so that it’s Shawn Tybalt who is propelled onto the ropes.

Axis: The pace here in the opening stages in frenetic!

King: They’re going all out for the early advantage. If one man can gain control and wear down his opponent he’ll be sitting pretty.

Tybalt bounces back off the ropes and as he reaches the challenger, English Dragon grabs him with one arm across the stomach, the other around his back. Dragon goes down onto one knee, trying to turn Tybalt over with a tiltawhirl, but “The Rebel” has enough control of his own momentum to flip out of Dragon’s clutches and land on his feet.

Dragon gets off his knee and springs at Tybalt, but the faux Shakespearean drives his boot into the Englishman’s midriff, doubling him up. “The Rebel” gets his right arm around Dragon’s neck as he’s bent over and falls backwards, pulling Dragon down with him and driving his head into the mat with a DDT.

As Dangeress applauds the DDT, Tybalt scoots on top of Dragon and hooks his right leg up for the cover. Sexton Hardcastle, not involved so far, is quick to get down to slap the canvas:

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Axis: Well, that was never going to be enough, but Tybalt isn’t stopping there.

Indeed, “The Rebel” has brought the Englishman up to his feet and slaps his right arm around the Dragon’s head and neck, throwing Dragon’s right arm over his own shoulder. With his left hand, Tybalt takes a firm grip of the top of Dragon’s red and white trunks and pulls Dragon swiftly up and over, snapping back and swinging Dragon onto the mat with a snap suplex. Tybalt maintains the headlock, and swivels his hips, rolling up and onto his feet, dragging Dragon with him. “The Rebel” tenses, and then pulls up again, executing a second snap suplex that slams Dragon down hard. The crowd gets into the sequence despite their hatred of Tybalt, and counts along:

TWO!

Shawn repeats the hip swivel and brings himself and his opponent up for a third snap suplex, but before he can attempt the move, English Dragon hooks his right leg behind Tybalt’s left. Tybalt tries to pull Dragon up but finds the locked legs block him. A second attempt also fails, and Dragon takes advantage of a resulting weakening in Tybalt’s headlock to stiffen his arm, draped over Tybalt’s shoulder, into a headlock of his own.

Dragon grabs the top of Tybalt’s black trunks and swings him up into the air, holding him up high in a vertical suplex position. Instead of dropping straight back, however, Dragon swings to his left, close to the ropes, and lets “The Rebel” fall forwards. Tybalt’s legs bounce off the top rope, and Dragon uses the bounce to bring Tybalt back up before dropping him vertically down onto his head with a brainbuster!

Axis: What a counter! Dragon blocked the third suplex and reversed to a slingshot brainbuster!

King: We’re seeing some fine grapplin’ in this match, Axis. Where’s all this cheating you insist you see?

Axis: So far so good, but I’m not holding my breath.

King: I wish you would. Preferably till you pass out.

Both men lie on their backs. Dragon starts to move over for the cover, but the two snap suplexes he absorbed have slowed him a little. With a hand on the small of his back, Dragon crawls on top of “The Rebel” and hooks his right leg.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Tybalt’s kick was strong, breaking Dragon’s hold on his leg, but Dragon re-hooks it, this time driving his left elbow into Tybalt’s face, rubbing it across his nose as he makes the cover:

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Dragon goes to rehook the leg once more, but Tybalt sits up and gets his left arm around his head, applying the headlock on the crouched Dragon. Tybalt gets up onto his knees, then his feet, still wrenching in the headlock, but Dragon gets his own arms around “The Rebel”- one around his waist, and one under his left leg, putting him in a perfect position to heave Shawn upwards for a belly to back suplex. Instead of dropping Tybalt back first onto the mat though, Dragon falls back straight down so that the TV champion’s head is spiked on to the mat hard!

Axis: Mah gawd! Belly to back brainbuster! We’ve seen Dragon use that combination of brainbusters before!

King: Tybalt is in a world of trouble right now! But he still has Dangeress!

Dangeress, in fact, is getting increasingly agitated at ringside, and shouts at Tybalt “Kick out! Kick out!” as the English Dragon puts his chest across Tybalt’s.

ONE!

TWO!

TH- KICKOUT!

Axis: Dragon didn’t hook the leg. That could prove a huge mistake, King.

King: We’ll see, Axis. We all know how your predictions normally turn out.

Axis: What’s wrong with them?

King: How much did you lose on that horse yesterday?

Axis: Ahem…look at Dragon!

The Englishman has stepped out of the ring onto the apron, and walks along to the nearest corner, where he climbs steadily up to the top rope. Standing aloft, Dragon raises an arm in salute to the SJL crowd, who respond with a barrage of abuse. Dragon beckons for Tybalt to get up. “The Rebel” has staggered onto his feet when Dragon leaps off the top, legs outstretched and pointing at the Television Champion’s chest, but at the last minute Tybalt takes a side step and jumps himself, snapping his legs forward and driving his boots into the stomach of the falling Dragon! The Englishman falls to the mat, clutching his gut, while Tybalt too hits the deck, and lies there, taking the time to recover.

Axis: What a reaction from Tybalt! He drop-kicked Dragon right in the midsection as he was coming down!

King: I’m surprised Dragon didn’t bring up his tea and crumpets, Axis!

Dragon rolls onto his front and starts to crawl towards the ropes, but Shawn Tybalt is up and moves after him, grabbing his left boot around the ankle with his left hand and taking Dragon’s left knee with his right. The champ pulls up hard so that Dragon’s whole body is lifted off the mat, before dropping him down again so the knee is slammed into the canvas. Tybalt runs to the ropes and bounces off, leaping into the air as he comes back to Dragon and extending his right knee, looking to drive it into the back of Dragon’s left leg, but the Englishman rolls aside and Tybalt hits the mat with his knee hard. Shawn holds onto it in pain.

Dragon gets to his feet and takes a hold of Tybalt’s right leg, spinning him around and placing the leg onto the bottom rope so that the knee is exposed. Dragon takes a few steps back, and launches into the air, extending his right leg and looking to connect with a legdrop, but its Tybalt’s turn to roll away, and Dragon hits only the mat.

Axis: Both these men attempting to target the legs, which is unsurprising given the finisher they both use, the figure four leglock. But their experience in dishing out punishment to the legs is perhaps aiding them in evading their opponent’s efforts.

King: Either that or they’re both good at dodging, Axis.

Tybalt is up on his feet and turns to Dragon as the Englishman climbs up. “The Rebel” runs to the ropes, bouncing off and coming up fast behind Dragon. Shawn leaps into the air, squeezing his right arm around Dragon’s head in mid-air. As he falls forward, Dragon’s head is sent plummeting onto the mat face first with a bulldog.

Tybalt rolls Dragon onto his back and hooks the leg:

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Tybalt grabs Dragon by his mask with both hands and stands, pulling the challenger up with him. Shawn stands behind his opponent and hooks his left leg around Dragon’s, sliding his right arm under the Englishman’s and pulling back hard, trapping Dragon in an abdominal stretch.

Axis: Shawn Tybalt looking to wear down the English Dragon here.

King: If he can slow Dragon down he’ll gain an advantage that Dragon will find hard to overcome.

Tybalt grins and nods as he wrenches back on Dragon’s arm, stretching his stomach out. Half the crowd starts up a chant:

“TY-BALT-SUCKS! TY-BALT-SUCKS!”

“The Rebel” lets out a stream of Shakespearean abuse at the fans, but as he does so the other side of the crowd responds to the chant with:

“DRA-GON-SUCKS! DRA-GON-SUCKS!”

King: Well, it seems both men have their supporters in this match.

The crowd switches their chant and starts up as a whole:

“THIS-MATCH-SUCKS! THIS-MATCH-SUCKS!”

Axis: Perhaps not, King! Neither of these competitors is the least bit popular!

King: These morons wouldn’t know class if it came into their trailer and shoved caviar in their faces!

Axis: The crowd has been somewhat into this match up to this point, but with the action confined to the abdominal stretch they seem to have found their voices!

King: The pace has been hot up to now, Axis. No one could expect them to keep that up!

Tybalt, growing increasingly angry, breaks the abdominal stretch and spins Dragon round to face him. “The Rebel” takes a firm hold of Dragon’s left leg, lifting it up off the mat, leaving Dragon hopping.

Axis: Tybalt looking to execute a Dragon Screw on the Dragon! Isn’t that ironic!

King: Who are you, Alanis Morissette?

Before Tybalt can whip Dragon over however, the Englishman propels himself up with his standing foot, swinging around and aiming it at the back of Shawn’s head with an enzugiri! But the TV Champion reacts swiftly, dropping Dragon’s leg and ducking, and his opponents boot sails over his head. Dragon falls to the mat on his back but quickly rolls to his feet. The crowd, despite their earlier abuse, makes approving noises at the action.

Tybalt goes straight back after Dragon, grasping his left arm by the wrist and swinging it up and around, twisting Dragon into an arm wrench. The Englishman is bent over and staggers a little. Before he can attempt to reverse the hold, “The Rebel” flips to the side and raises his left leg up, thrusting it forwards and smashing his boot into the jaw of Dragon with a stiff kick. Dragon snaps back to the mat, and Tybalt stands over him and does another crotch chop.

Axis: I’d normally mention Tybalt’s lack of respect at this point, but English Dragon doesn’t command any respect from anyone!

King: What do you know about respect! Shut up and call the match, Axis!

“The Rebel” drags Dragon by the arm into the nearest corner, and steps out of the ring, climbing up to the top rope and flipping off the crowd as he stands aloft. Tybalt prepares to leap off, but suddenly Dragon is up to his feet and dives against the top rope! The impact shakes the ropes enough for Tybalt to lose his footing and slip downwards, crotching himself on the top turnbuckle to the amusement of the audience!

Axis: Well, Tybalt points to his groin enough! Now he’s got something to point about!

King: (sighing) You just don’t get it, do you Axis?

Dragon runs forward and jumps onto the middle rope. With Tybalt straight in front of him, Dragon grabs Tybalt around the neck and pulls him into a headlock. The Englishman carefully climbs up onto the top rope, slowly bringing “The Rebel” with him. Dragon takes a hold of Tybalt’s tights and quickly falls backwards! Tybalt is pulled forward and over, and both men plummet to the mat!

Axis:: SUPAHPLEX from the English Dragon! Both men have absorbed a hell of an impact. This match has been fast and furious, King!

King: It has! BAH GAWD, you got something right!

Dragon slowly starts to climb to his feet, shaking his head to clear it and holding his back a little. He turns, seeing Tybalt still flat on his back, and raises a hand in perceived triumph. The Englishman grabs Tybalt’s legs, stepping in with his left leg, hooking Tybalt’s right leg around it, and spinning around….

King: The Cross of St George! This could be it, Axis!

…but Tybalt gets his free leg onto Dragon’s behind and pushes hard, shoving Dragon down hard to the mat. Tybalt leaps to his feet and goes after Dragon. The Englishman rolls onto his back but only finds Tybalt over him! It’s “The Rebel”s turn to grab the leg, bend it back and spin around, but he is successful in completing the manoeuvre, sinking in the figure four leglock!

Axis: Tybalt gets his version of the figure four! What can Dragon do now?

The Englishman responds immediately by rapidly twisting to his right, and Tybalt, perhaps taken by surprise at the speed of the response, is turned over!

Axis: Dragon reversed the figure four immediately!

The challenger swiftly crawls forward and grabs onto the bottom rope with both hands, and Tybalt, in discomfort himself is happy to break.

Axis: Both men were able to counter the figure four effectively!

King: Well, they both use the move, it makes sense that they’d know how to escape it.

Both champion and challenger are quickly to their feet, but Tybalt reacts quickest, simply reaching out to Dragon’s face with his right arm and poking him straight in the eyes through his mask! Dragon clutches at his eyes and so doesn’t see Tybalt now reaching for his head…

Axis: Shawn Tybalt is going for The Thumb Biter!

King: If he hits this, its over!

The instant Dragon feels Tybalt’s touch however, he pushes strongly in front of him, shoving Tybalt off and away, stumbling down to one knee as he does so. “The Rebel” grimaces in anger and charges back in, only to meet Dragon’s forearm travelling upwards at a rate of knots, crashing into Tybalt’s groin!

Axis: There’s the regulation English Dragon low blow! Coupled with Tybalt’s blatant eye gouge, I’m not sure both men shouldn’t be disqualified! I’m only surprised it took this long for those sort of tactics to come in play.

King: They’re both desperate for the win now, Axis…not that I know what you’re talking about, at all!

Shawn is staggering, clutching his Veronan treasures, and Dragon snatches his head, placing it between his legs and wrapping his arms around the champion’s stomach.

Axis: And now Dragon trying for his finisher, the Dragon Driver!

King: Tybalt needs to get out, quick!

Dragon heaves upwards, bringing Tybalt almost vertically up, but “The Rebel” counters, wrapping his legs around the head of Dragon and using them to fling himself and Dragon forward, sending the Englishman flipping over onto his back with a headscissors take over!

Axis: Mah gawd! What leg power from Tybalt!

King: That was an awesome counter! Here comes the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

THREEEEEE-NO!

Dragon kicks out as Sexton’s hand is just inches from the mat. Tybalt’s face clouds with fury, and he puts the boots to Dragon, getting into a barrage of stomps! Sexton goes down to check on the Dragon, and Tybalt takes the opportunity to walk away and catch the Television Title belt which Dangeress throws to him!

Axis: We’ve seen Tybalt uses foreign objects before, and this time it’s his very own title belt!

King: He’s either going to crack open Dragon’s skull or get disqualified! Either way, he keeps the title! That’s smart wrestling!

Tybalt holds up the belt and smirks, as Sexton steps away from Dragon, who is rising to his feet. Shawn charges in, but Hardcastle sees him coming, and bravely steps in front of Dragon!

King: Get out of the way! You fool!

Axis: Sexton is determined to have a fair match!

Tybalt stops in his tracks, looking furious, and pushes Hardcastle to one side, earning him boos from the fans! “The Rebel” swings the belt back to smash into Dragon’s head, but Sexton grabs it! Tybalt goes into an apoplexy of rage, and shoves Hardcastle hard down onto the mat! The belt drops to the floor, and Tybalt goes to pick it up…. but English Dragon kicks him square in the gut as he bends to get it! Dragon pulls Shawn’s head between his legs, grabs him round the middle, and heaves him up!

Axis: Another attempt at the Dragon Driver! Can he hit it this time?

Dragon hooks Tybalt’s left arm back with his left leg…repeats on the right side….and drops forwards, plunging Tybalt down on towards the mat face first!

Axis: The Dragon Driver! Dragon took full advantage of Tybalt’s distraction!

Lying on top of Tybalt, Dragon slowly uses his legs to turn himself over, bringing Tybalt onto his back. Dragon pushes his legs up for the cover as Sexton Hardcastle slides over for the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

DING DING DING!

Axis: Mah gawd, its over!

FUNYON: Ladies and Gentleman….the winner of the match….and NEW SJL TELEVISION CHAMPION, THE ENGLISH DRAAAAAAAAAGOOOOOOOOOOOON!

Axis: Thanks to Tybalt bringing that belt into play, Dragon is now a two time Television Champion, King! Now you can see that cheats never prosper!

King: Dragon won, didn’t he?

Dragon rolls away from Tybalt, making Sexton retrieve the belt for him, before snatching it from our beleaguered referee. Dragon raises the title above his head as “Land of Hope and Glory” plays. Dangeress slips into the ring, making to attack from behind, but Dragon turns swiftly. Dangeress devotes her attentions to the prone Tybalt instead, as Dragon slides out of the ring, still waving the belt around and generating a shower of abuse as he walks out.

Axis: A great title match here on Metal, and a new champion! We’ll be back with more action after these messages!

July 9, 2003

SJL Metal comes back to the air, as the roaring crowd waits for the next match.

"(Axis) Welcome back to METAL! Live from The Toilet in Oxnard, California!"

"(King) Of course, our friends from Hot Shit Wrestling were gracious enough to rent us the building for the night."

"(Axis) Correct. And what a night we've had in this piece of shh… I mean, this fine establishment tonight. Hot Shit Wrestling's own "Carless" Mark Jindrak was here earlier, participating in a Battle Royale for a new car, and soon after, we had a match for the TV Title between Shawn Tybalt and the English Dragon."

"(King) That no-good bastard Chris Raynor has more to come, but right now we have a match between three guys who are at a crossroads in their careers. Michael Lockwood is a rookie here, but has impressed the higher-ups thus far with a great win over "Shining Black" Tokyo X on Crimson. Jimmy Liston suffered a heart-breaking loss against Todd Royal, another rookie, on Crimson. Manson is the veteran here, but since his problems with Spike Jenkins, has come crashing down, not even appearing on Crimson."

"(Axis) Of course, this match is important, because whoever wins would have the momentum going into SJL Wrathapalooza, a special presentation of SJL Wrath."

The camera zooms over the head of Funyon and referee Eddy Long standing in the ring, and the entrance area is featured. The lights go dark and chanting can be heard in the background, as spotlights fly over the fans. A single phrase is then uttered over the arena's sound system:

"Why don't you ask me what it feels like to be a freak?"

Rob Zombie's "Demon Speeding" erupts from the speakers, as Jimmy Liston walks out onto the stage. Liston raises a fist towards the crowd as Tyler Sullivan runs out from behind the entrance and joins him. The pair walk down the ramp to ringside as Funyon proceeds.

"(Funyon) Ladies and Gentlemen, the following triple threat match is scheduled for one-fall! Introducing first, being accompanied by Tyler Sullivan, from Boston, Massachusetts! Weighing two-hundred and twenty eight pounds, and standing six feet, four inches tall! JIMMY "THE DEMON" LIIISTON!"

Liston slides into the ring, climbs the near turnbuckle, and thrusts his fist into the air in time with the music. Sullivan crosses to the opposite turnbuckle and taunts the crowd on that side of the arena, inciting a riot of boos. Sullivan slides out of the ring, as Liston walks to the same corner Sullivan has just departed from. The house lights are brought up, and the music segues into "The Face of the Bass" by Ornette Coleman. With that, Michael D. Lockwood walks out from behind the entrance curtain with a stern look on his face, to slight boos from the crowd.

"(Funyon) And his opponent, from Chappaqua, New York! Weighing two-hundred and one pounds, and standing five feet, eleven and a half inches tall! MICHAEL D. LOCKWOOD!"

Lockwood walks down the ramp calmly, showing no emotion except the occassional condescending smirk directed towards the crowd. Lockwood walks up the ringsteps, as "The Face of the Bass" drowns out. As Lockwood enters through the ropes however, Jimmy Liston charges across the ring and mauls him with forearms to the back, as Funyon escapes the ring.

"(Axis) Liston attacks the smaller Lockwood to start, but Manson isn't anywhere to be seen as of yet!"

Lockwood changes the tide of the initial attack with a gouge to the throat, and Liston drops to the mat. As Lockwood dives down and wraps a hand around his throat to choke him out, the house lights drop to pitch black. The fans watch for the entrance area, as red strobes begin flashing on and off and the blistering "Hate Song" by The Haunted hits. Manson walks out onto the stage, and he throws up a one-handed metal taunt to the thunderous boos of the crowd.

"(Funyon) And from Denver, Colorado! Weighing two-hundred and fifteen pounds, and standing six feet even! "Hate Personified"… MMMANSSON!"

As Funyon finishes with the intros, Manson throws off his leather jacket beside him, immediately breaking into a sprint towards the ring!

::DING DING!::

Eddy Long signals for the bell as Manson slides in under the bottom rope. Right off the bat, Manson goes for Lockwood, extending his arm and hitting him with a clothesline. Lockwood springs to his feet, and Manson lifts his right leg, striking him across the chest with a roundhouse kick. Lockwood keels over, and as Manson is ready to hit another kick, Jimmy Liston comes up from off the mat and waistlocks Manson from behind. Paying Manson back from earlier, Lockwood takes a small step and hits him with short clothesline, as Liston simultaneously pops his hips and throws Manson backward with a german suplex.

"(Axis) Although Liston didn't necessarily need the help, Lockwood added some extra pop to that german suplex."

"(King) No fair."

Liston pushes up off the ground, but Lockwood is already into the cover on Manson, as he stacks him up onto his shoulders. Liston breaks up the potential pin, however, as he bends down and hooks Lockwood up for a school boy. The Demon rolls over and pulls Lockwood down for the pin, but Manson breaks it up with a diving ax handle to the back. Manson pushes himself up to his feet, as Liston gets up to a knee. Approaching Liston, Manson unleashes a kick to the ribs, causing Liston to roll over onto his back. Manson goes into the lateral press, but once again, tbe pin is broken up, this time by Michael Lockwood.

"(Axis) A series of pinning sequences here, with the subsequent break up by the third man…"

All three men come to a stand in a triangle formation, each one cautious of the other two. Lockwood is the first to make his move, with a straight kick to Liston's gut. Liston stumbles back into the ropes, announcer table-side. Lockwood with another kick, this time hitting a roundhouse to the chest of Liston. Jimmy Liston tumbles back through the ropes, onto his feet on the outside, as he avoids any further attack. In the ring, Lockwood turns toward Manson, and Manson hits him with a low roundhouse to the left shin. Lockwood retaliates with the same, hitting Manson. Standing face to face, both men kick once again, this time simultaneously, as they hit each other in the same shin as before. With anger between the two escalating, they kick each other once again, still in the same spot. Lockwood is about to kick again, but Manson pokes him in the eyes, blinding Lockwood temporarily.

"(Axis) Both Manson and Lockwood had the same idea, but Manson puts a stop to it."

"(King) As well he should. As proficient in the martial arts as Manson is, I don't think he could have bested Lockwood."

Lockwood goes to a knee, as Manson steps back into the entrance ramp-side ropes. Manson springs off, and charging forward, he knees Lockwood square in the temple. Lockwood is knocked to the mat, and now near the ropes, he's pulled outside by the waiting Jimmy Liston. Liston brings Lockwood up to his feet, and as he does, Manson runs towards them, and dives in between the ropes straight down towards them!

"(Axis) SUICIDE DIVE!"

The fans applaud as Manson collides with Liston and Lockwood on the outside. Manson catches his breath for a moment, before lifting up Lockwood and rolling him into the ring. Manson slides in after, and he covers Lockwood with a lateral press. Long counts…

"ONE!"

But Liston gets up to his feet, and pulls Manson off the cover from the outside!

"(King) Dammit! Why must Liston try and win this match for himself?"

"(Axis) Isn't that the point?"

"(King) But not at the expense of Manson."

Liston slides into the ring, and he lifts Manson up, pushing him into the corner. Liston rears back and brings his hand forward, punching Manson in the face, while on the opposite side of the ring, Lockwood pulls himself up in the far corner. Liston clutches Manson's wrist, and pulls him out of the corner, sending Manson across the ring, to where Lockwood stands. Before Manson can stop himself, Lockwood takes a few steps forward and drops down, tumbling heels over head, as he catches Manson with the rolling koppo kick to the face! Manson falls to the ground, as Lockwood covers.

"ONE!"

But Liston, once again, breaks up the pin!

"(King) He shouldn't be breaking up anything at the expense of Lockwood either..."

Lockwood shoots up off Manson, and charges Liston angrily. Extending his arm, he catches Liston across the face with a STIFF palm strike, the sound of which resonates in the small arena. Liston bumps to the mat, but comes up quickly. Lockwood is ready to go for another palm strike, but Liston cuts him off with a back elbow to the face. Maneuvering behind Lockwood, The Demon waistlocks him and places his left hand under his left leg. Lifting him up, Liston falls back, dropping Lockwood onto his back.

"(Axis) Lockwood took exception to Liston breaking up the pin, but maybe he should have just stayed on Manson, because he just took a falling backdrop for his troubles."

"(King) Did you see that illegal move by Liston? He should be kicked out of this match."

Liston gets to his feet, as Lockwood sits on the ground. Seeing the opportunity, Liston bends down behind Lockwood, and wraps his arms around his head.

"(Axis) Liston now has the R.I.P. sleeper hold locked on!"

Liston locks on the hold tighter and tighter, and Lockwood continues reaching for the ropes with his legs, to no avail. Manson, now up to his feet, takes a step toward Liston, and kicks him in the back of the head with a roundhouse kick! Liston lets go of the hold and falls back. Lifting up the left arm of Liston, Manson wraps his legs around it, and falls backward, clenching in the crucifix armbar!

"(Axis) And now after breaking up the hold, Manson applies one of his own, in the deadly cross armbreaker!"

"(King) Textbook cross armbreaker by Manson, and time could be running short for Liston."

Not one to be shown up, Lockwood comes up off the mat, and stomps on Manson's face in order to break up the submission hold. Seeing this as his opportunity, Lockwood wraps his arms around the head and left arm of Manson, locking in the Kahatajame!

"(Axis) And now Michael Lockwood with the False Move, his Kahatajame choke!"

Eddy Long checks in on Manson, seeing if he wants to give, but any possibility of a submission is put to an end by Liston, who comes up off the mat and wrests the arms of Lockwood free from Manson. Liston attempts to pull Lockwood off the mat, but Lockwood repeatedly swats him away, before getting to his feet on his own in the corner. Liston pursues, but Lockwood goes for a kick. Liston catches the leg, but Lockwood jumps off his free appendage, and kicks Liston in the back of the head with an enziguiri, sending him tumbling through the ropes. Meanwhile, Manson pushes himself off the mat.

"(Axis) Lockwood with the powerful enziguiri, sending Liston outside the ring!"

As Lockwood gets to his feet in the corner, Manson charges from across the ring, and raises his leg. Manson leans forward, and shoves his boot into Lockwood's face with the yakuza kick! The crowd shudders at the impact, as Manson covers, placing his feet onto the ropes for leverage…

"ONE!"

"TWO!!!"

"THREEE!"

::DING DING!::

"(Funyon) Your winner, by pinfall… MMMAAAAANSOONNN!"

"Hate Song" by the Haunted hits, as Manson escapes the ring, before facing any repercussions from his angry opponents. In the ring, Lockwood complains to Eddy Long, as Liston stares at Manson dejectedly from the outside.

"(Axis) Manson got lucky here tonight, as he gets the yakuza kick on Lockwood, followed by placing his feet on the ropes. Both Lockwood and Liston got screwed."

"(King) Yeah, but what're you gonna do…"

"(Axis) I don't like it, but true enough. Anyhow, we still have plenty lined up, so stay tuned."

Edited July 9, 2003 by Longdogger_Pete

July 9, 2003

The camera pans across the screaming audience as we return to S. J. L. Metal!

Axis: Welcome back to S. J. L. Metal! I'm Axis with the Suicide King at ringside!

King: We're heading right toward my kind of match tonight, Axis. "The Arsenal" Scott Solomon vs. "The Sinner" John Duran. It should be a knock down, drag out raging pit of fury in their tonight.

Axis: Both men have ran in to problems over the last couple of weeks. Frustrating losses have side tracked both Solomon and Duran from the paths of glory they view in their own mind.

King: What are you talking about, Axis? Both John Duran and Scott Solomon are the victim of one man, S. J. L. World Champ Charlie "Grappler" Matthews. Matthews really seems out to keep his enemies down by any means necessary. It's atrocious that talent like these two men are being held down.

Axis: I really want to wear that pair of rose colored glasses one of these days, King, so I can see this strange world of yours. Charlie Matthews is a great world champ, and neither of these men hold a lick to him.

Limp Bizkit's "My Way" blares across the loud speaker, and the audience immediately turns harsh as Scott Solomon emerges from the back. Scott Solomon hops from foot to foot on the entrance ramp as Funyon raises his mic.

FUNYON: From East St. Louis, weighing in at two hundred and fifty nine pounds, he is the Arsenal, Scott SOLOMON!!!

Scott Solomon charges down the entrance ramp and slides in to the ring. He paces around the ring as Funyon and referee Matthew Kivell look on warily.

Axis: Scott Solomon is poised and ready to go tonight in his match with John Duran.

King: I talked to Solomon earlier tonight and he promises his Revolutionary Dark Empire thingie he keeps talking about will make its debut right here in this match tonight. Scott Solomon's losing streak ends with this match.

Axis: Scott Solomon suffers from a bad case of running on of the mouth. If this man would put as much time in to wrestling as he does self promotion, he would quite possibly be European champion after tonight. Instead he's fighting to prove himself against the reprehensible John Duran.

King: I thought you were supposed to be fair and impartial, Axis. Don't talk bad about the two competitors tonight.

"My Way" fades out. After a few brief moments of silence, "Sinner" by Drowning Pool cues up, and John Duran emerges from backstage. The crowd immediately begins to boo as he intensely glares around the arena. The Sinner grimaces as he starts down the ramp.

FUNYON: From Champaign, Illinois, weighing in at two hundred and sixty five pounds, he is "The Sinner", JOHN DURAN!!!!

Duran goes to a young boy in the audience whose playing with a pair of cool sunglasses. Duran snatches the glasses from the boy, and put on himself. He nods his head at how cool he looks, than takes them off to hand to the boy. They boy reaches out to grab them, but Duran pulls them away, snaps them in half, then throws them back at the wailing child as he heads up to the ring.

Axis: Oh come on now, that's despicable, even for John Duran!

KING: BWAHAHAHAHAH! What are you talkin about? That's freakin' hilarious. Good one, John! Freakin' good one!!

Duran hops up on to the apron before entering the ring. He heads to the center of the ring and raises his arms. His anger and hate are apparent in everything he does as he stares down Scott Solomon.

Axis: Duran is definitely showing his intensity tonight after a few tough losses recently. He may have his hands full with Scott Solomon tonight.

King: Scott Solomon did beat the legendary Hollywood Spike Jenkins. Duran will have to put on the A game to pull out a win.

Axis: He may be called "The Arsenal" but Solomon still has his flaws. I have to give the edge to John Duran tonight.

In the ring, Matthew Kivell warns both John Duran and Scott Solomon to keep it on the up and up. Both men scoff at the notion, and Kivell just sighs as he signals for the bell.

DING DING DING!

The match is on! John Duran immediately runs in to take it to Scott Solomon, but Solomon meets him with a well-placed knee to the midsection. Duran stumbles back from the surprise blow, as Solomon brings his arm back. WHACK! Solomon brings his arms across Duran's chest with a mean knife edge chop. John Duran stumbles back a step as Solomon brings his arm back and again whacks Duran across the chest. Duran stumbles even more from this blow as Solomon strikes him across the chest with a third chop. The final chop pushes Duran in to the ropes, and Solomon grabs Duran's arm to whip him across the arena. As Duran reaches the apex of the whip, he plants his feet, stopping his momentum. He yanks Scott Solomon's arm, bringing the Arsenal in to a face to face waist lock. The Sinner hefts Solomon up and in to the air, dropping backwards to hurl the Arsenal to the mat behind him.

Axis: Solomon seemed to have things under control here momentarily, but now John Duran has taken charge!

King: Scott Solomon really has to avoid reversals like that if he's going to win this match.

John Duran pulls himself up to his feet, and Scott Solomon is only seconds behind him. John Duran runs in at Solomon, driving his forearm brutally in to Solomon's chest. Duran grabs Solomon's arm and whips him towards the corner turnbuckle. Solomon smacks hard in to the corner turnbuckle, and lies there, momentarily stunned. John Duran immediately takes it to Solomon with a brutal right than a left in the corner. Duran rears back for another swing, but Solomon ducks under it. Solomon goes under Duran's arm, shoving the Sinner in to the corner as he goes. Solomon lays a knife edge chop in to Duran's chest once again, as the audience joins in with a "WHOO!". Solomon swings another knife edge chop at Duran, but the Sinner sidesteps the blow, shoving Solomon back to the corner once again. Duran hits Solomon with a stiff right, than a hard left, than another right. John Duran drives his forehead in to Solomon's face with a brutal headbutt. Duran steps back to let Solomon fall down to the mat.

King: Duran takes over again!

Axis: Solomon is going to have to be careful to avoid the corner, King. When a victim is backed up in the corner against Duran, the results are less than desirable.

Duran brings up his elbow and drops to the mat quickly. Duran slams his elbow into Solomon's back. John turns Scott over onto his back and covers him, hooking the leg.

ONE

KICKOUT!

Axis: I'm not sure what Duran was thinking there, he may have gotten off to a nice start, but it's too early for him to be trying to go for the pinfall.

King: I think he's trying to psyche Solomon out, make Scott think that he doesn't have much longer. Solomon's going to rush himself and Duran is just going to take his time and break the 'Arsenal' down.

Axis: Interesting theory, King.

Duran gets up to his feet and brings Solomon with him following the failed pin attempt. Scott tries to fight Duran off with a knife-edge chop. "The Sinner" dodges it and rakes the eyes of Solomon. The ref warns Duran about doing such things, but John simply pushes the warning aside. "The Arsenal" is not allowed long enough to tend to his eyes, as Duran grabs Scott's arm to whip him into the ropes. Scott is tossed into the ropes, as Duran moves backwards slightly, bouncing off the opposite ropes. Both men run towards each other in the middle of the ring. John gets the momentum advantage as their shoulders crash into each other. Solomon drops to the mat after the running shoulder tackle. Duran makes eye contact with Solomon, giving him a nasty look before going into the ropes once again. Duran bounces off and leaps up near Scott, who is in the middle of the ring. John extends his leg as he comes down, but no one is there as Solomon rolls out of the way just in time.

Axis: I think your theory is wrong though, King, Solomon seems to be staying at a level that he can handle. Duran is slowly becoming a seasoned veteran though, and this is all new for Solomon. We'll see what Scott has up his sleeve.

King: I hope it's some midgets. That's the only way I'll care about him, at least.

Scott gets to his feet, going over to where Duran missed the legdrop. Solomon brings John to his feet. Scott brings his hand back and slams it across the chest of Duran. Duran is staggered back a little bit, but maintains a vertical base. Solomon goes up to John again, hitting him with another knife-edge chop, which continues to back up "The Sinner" to the corner. Duran finally has nowhere else to go but into the corner. Scott enforces this fact by driving his knee into John's gut, doubling Duran over slightly. However, Solomon keeps him upright and climbs up to the second rope, towering over Duran before looking down and beginning to deliver right hands to Duran's head as the crowd counts along.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

SEVEN!

EIGHT!

NINE!

TEN!

Solomon lands all ten punches, soaking up the crowd response for a moment. John suddenly gets a look of fury in his eyes coming out of the corner with his arms wrapped around Solomon, holding him in the air and seemingly ready to deliver a spinebuster to "The Arsenal." Scott fights it, however, continuing to deliver right and left hands to Duran's head. John releases his grip on Solomon, as Solomon falls to the mat but remains on his feet, quickly grabbing Duran's left arm and falling to the mat to put him in an armbar submission.

Axis: Good idea here from Solomon by putting him in an armbar. Duran is largely ineffective when things get technical, and I'm sure that Solomon has noted this from Duran's previous matches.

King: I think Scott is just going to piss Duran off more than he already has. John has always been one unhappy man, but since Charlie Matthews has captured the SJL Title, Duran seems to be even more infuriated.

Axis: What is he so infuriated at, though?

King: I'd be angry too, if the #1 man in the fed was some boring old-school hack.

Duran begins to claw his way to the ropes almost immediately after being put in the submission hold. Solomon locks the hold on as tight as he can, but it is simply too early in the match and Duran has momentum and anger in his favor as he lunges out, grasping the bottom rope and allowing Matthew Kivell to break the submission hold all too quickly. Solomon releases the hold and gets back to his feet. Duran is only a few seconds behind, turning around to face Solomon. Scott bends down, placing John in a standing fireman's carry and moving towards the center of the ring. Solomon falls back, dropping Duran to the mat with a Samoan Drop as 510 pounds of pure power fall to the mat in a heap.

Axis: Now that's a Samoan Drop that Solomon's family can be proud of.

King: Or, you know, Samoans. They can be proud of it too.

With both men on the mat, Scott quickly twists his body around and puts Duran in a lateral press, hooking the leg. Kivell swings around to count the pinfall:

ONE...

T-KICKOUT!

Duran thrusts his body up to break the pin. John slides out from under Solomon's lateral press, rolling across the mat until he gets to one knee. Solomon rises to his feet first, and goes over to continue his offensive strike on "The Sinner." Duran lashes out though, striking Solomon in the face with a stiff right hand that sends Scott staggering. John gets to his feet and comes up from behind Solomon--who has his back turned to John--and locks him in a sleeperhold. Scott shoots up his arms as a reflex, but soon finds himself trapped in the submission. "The Arsenal" continues to wave his arms around, but as the move is locked on tighter, he slowly begins to show signs of fading.

King: Axis, I think you were wrong, I think that Duran can take it to the mat! I know this because Solomon is going to end up on the mat anytime now! Bwahaha!

Axis: Perhaps I was wrong, but I don't think Solomon is asleep yet.

Sure enough, Scott begins to back up towards the ropes, using his weight to force Duran back into the ropes. Both men bounce off the ropes, and John finds his sleeperhold broken as Solomon pushes with all of his strength to shove Duran into the opposite ropes. "The Sinner" has the momentum as he comes off the ropes, but Solomon meets Duran in the middle of the ring, quickly striking and finding himself behind John, locking in a sleeperhold to the delight of the crowd in the Toilet.

Axis: Listen to this crowd, King! I can't hear myself think!

King: Would you say that you want to flush them out?

Axis: ...

Duran begins to squirm in the sleeperhold, but finds a way out, reaching his arms up and grasping around Scott's head before dropping down to the mat. Scott's head slams against the shoulder of Duran, sending Solomon's body slightly upright for a moment from the force of the move. Solomon then slumps to the mat after the reverse neckbreaker. Duran acts quickly, turning Solomon's body over and leaning back on Scott's torso, hooking the leg quickly in a sloppy sort of pin. Kivell swings around to count the pinfall, watching the shoulders:

ONE...

TWO-KICKOUT!

Solomon shoots a shoulder up, breaking the pinfall at 2. Duran immediately gets to his feet and has a few words with Kivell, trying to plead his case in a forceful manner. Duran backs Kivell up into the corner before finally giving up his attempts. John turns back around and notices Solomon on his feet and coming after "The Sinner." John meets Scott in the middle of the ring, and Solomon attempts to surprise Duran with a boot to the gut. John telegraphs this, however, grabbing the right foot of Solomon and spinning him around three hundred and sixty degrees before wrapping his arms around Solomon and falling backwards, throwing Scott over his head and towards the corner where Kivell was once standing before he wisely moved out of harm's way. Solomon crashes down to the mat.

Axis: King, it looks like Solomon just got hit by a train!

King: The Duran Train is one train you do not want to get in the way of, Axis, trust me.

Duran scatters over to Solomon and quickly hooks the leg, putting him in a pinning predicament...but Kivell doesn't count! John gives the ref an incredulous look, and Matthew simply points to the bottom rope where Scott's right foot rests. Duran looks frustrated and knocks the foot off the ropes, trying to go back to cover, but Solomon pushes Duran off, snapping back to his feet in a hurry. John is shortly shocked at this sudden burst of energy from "The Arsenal," quickly shifting gears and charging at Scott to keep the ball in his court, but Solomon bends down and picks up Duran, putting him over his right shoulder for a moment before grabbing Duran's legs and whipping him down to the mat. "The Sinner" crashes into the mat with a loud boom, his neck jerking slightly from the force of the sidewalk slam.

Axis: And the momentum has shifted to Scott Solomon once again! This is his chance, King, if there is any time to put Duran away, he should make it now.

King: But it's not going to happen! That's the beauty of it all!

Duran is subdued on the mat as Solomon delivers boots to the body of John. "The Sinner" tries to avoid it, but Solomon picks Duran up and quickly flows into a standing headscissors, wrapping his arms around Duran's waist and lifting Duran up into the air for what looks to be a piledriver. John is dangerously perpendicular to the mat as Scott goes down to the mat. Duran's head hits the mat with a thump as he falls in a heap in the ring after taking the piledriver. Scott thinks he might have the match won as he quickly covers Duran with Kivell hitting the mat again to count:

ONE...

TWO...

KICKOUT!

Not quite. Solomon remains calm, and gets to his feet before reaching down and bringing Duran up as well. Scott puts Duran in a front facelock and grabs a handful of tights. Solomon lifts John up into the air, the camera bulbs flashing as "The Sinner" is held steadily against the right shoulder of Solomon.

Axis: Can you imagine the amount of blood that is rushing to the head of Duran as he is being held like this? What is he planning to do to 'The Sinner'?

King: I think it's clear that he's going to drop him. Call me crazy.

As Duran hangs precariously in the air, Solomon drops to the mat once again, holding onto John and letting gravity take its toll. Duran's head is once again spiked into the mat, but this time, the sound is more of a crash as Duran once again slumps over on the mat.

Axis: My god! Solomon is just going to end up breaking Duran's neck! That's all he's trying to do here!

King: Well, at least Solomon is being smart about everything right now. It's a shame Duran has to beat him into the ground, you know?

Axis: How are you so sure?

King: Look at Scott! He's a runt!

Axis: He could probably beat you.

King: You wish, Axis.

Solomon neglects the cover, doubting that it will do any good, and just simply gets to his feet again and brings Duran up to a vertical base as well. Scott quickly goes behind Duran, locking his hands around the waist of John. Solomon falls back, keeping his arms locked as Duran goes over Solomon's shoulders, slamming into the mat with the back of his neck and head. Scott does not release the grip he has around the waist of "The Sinner," getting back to his feet with a fair amount of quickness and with Duran still in his grasp. "The Arsenal" falls back again, and the crowd realizes that Solomon is going for a series of German suplexes, as they count along.

"TWO!"

Solomon once again does not release the grip, getting to his feet again, but a little slower this time. The crowd seems to strangely be behind Duran, possibly for Duran's stunt earlier with the little kid. However you want to explain it, Solomon spells it out perfectly, falling back again and lifting Duran over his shoulders as gravity takes over and John once again takes a German suplex, most of it on his neck and head.

"THREE!"

Axis: What is it going to take for Solomon to put an end to this?

King: Just wait until Duran takes over.

Axis: Are you watching the match, King? Look at Duran right now!

Scott once again goes to get up to his feet, and the crowd at this point is really getting behind Solomon, applauding his strength in this series. "The Sinner," on the other hand, seems to be dead to the world, and it's not hard to realize that Duran is likely having some serious problems with his head and neck. Solomon just doesn't seem to care however, lifting Duran up a fourth time. This time around, however, Solomon slips his hands out from each other, losing the grip that he once had on Duran. What goes up must come down, however, and John most certainly does come down.

"FOUR!"

The force of the final German suplex shakes the ring, and Duran appears to be completely out of commission. The crowd continues to try and get him to cover Duran, most of the crowd believing that this has to be it. The German suplexes took a lot out of "The Arsenal" too, but Scott fights off the momentary fatigue, collapsing over the chest of Duran as Kivell swings around to count the pinfall.

ONE...

TWO...

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The crowd groans out in half surprise, half disappointment as Duran shoots a hand up to break the pin just in time. Solomon can't believe it, getting up to two knees and placing his face in his hands, amazed that the four German suplexes he gave to "The Sinner" was a lot, but not enough to put Duran away. Scott shows a hint of frustration, but simply gets to his feet and calls for The Blaster.

King: No!

Axis: If Duran is going to make a comeback, he better think of something quick, because Solomon is about to wrap this baby up!

Scott reaches down for one last time to bring Duran to his feet, but John suddenly comes alive. In something that seems like self-defense, Duran brings his right arm up and uppercuts Solomon right in the family jewels, doubling "The Arsenal" over and getting the crowd to explode with boos and jeers. Kivell doesn't seem to have caught the low blow, letting the match continue. Duran gets to his feet, putting Solomon in a front facelock and quickly dropping back. Solomon's head is planted into the mat hard with a DDT as Duran appears to be getting a second wind.

King: How's that for a comeback, Axis? Bwahahahahahaha!

Duran gets to his feet and taunts the crowd for a moment, before turning his attention back to Solomon. The fans are riled up as Scott begins to get to his feet, "The Sinner" seeming to have something demented in store for Solomon. Scott gets to his feet with his back turned to Duran, slowly turning around to face John and finding himself with a big meaty right hand clamped around his throat. The crowd continues to boo frantically, but Duran will have none of it. With little effort, Duran lifts Solomon off the ground and into the air, cutting off the air to Solomon's windpipe for a moment before taking a 90 degree turn and tossing Scott to the mat. Solomon's trip down to the mat is not a pleasant one, and the landing is less than graceful. As Solomon is driven into the mat and feels the effects of the chokeslam, Duran calls for the end and the Ultimate Sin!

Axis: This is astounding! Just like that, the tables have turned and it seems that Duran is going to go for the kill, right here!

King: What did I tell you, Axis? You just have to have faith in the man!

Duran lets the chokeslam sink in for a moment before reaching down and once again bringing Solomon to his feet, before inserting a boot into the gut of "The Arsenal," doubling Scott over in the middle of the ring. This allows John to put him in a standing headscissors, much to the dislike of the fans. Duran taunts some of the crowd behind Axis and King for a moment, his back turned to the SmarkTron. Duran bends down to lock his hands around the torso of Solomon, but "The Sinner" doesn't see someone coming up from behind him.

THUMP

Axis: What the...?

King: ...hell is going on?

Duran falls down to the mat in a heap, and Solomon backs away and comes back to a vertical base. Kivell immediately runs over, calling for the bell.

DING DING DING

King: Is that...

Axis: It's Dominic Korgath!

The crowd is shocked into silence, and then slowly shifts to boos.

Axis: Korgath just planted a punch right into the back of Duran's head!

Solomon gives a thumbs down sign, signaling something to Korgath. Korgath seems to comprehend, bouncing off the ropes nearest the SmarkTron and leaping up into the air, getting a few camera flashes as the big man comes down fast.

CRASH

Korgath absolutely crushes Duran under his three hundred and fifty pound frame, as Duran is out like a light.

Axis: What is Korgath doing with Solomon? Is this what Scott was talking about on Crimson? John Duran wins by disqualification, ladies and gentlemen, but he won't be able to celebrate...these two men...

King: What have they done to Duran?

Axis: I just don't understand what's going on here!

Korgath and Solomon shake hands, the crowd booing at the new alliance as we fade out.

July 9, 2003

"Gay Bar" by the Electric 6 hits and Spike Jenkins walks out! He has a dildo that he uses as a microphone!

Spike: I, am the homosexual kind of person who burns, but no one gives confidence to me! While having written on the person who only 8,000 writes the match of 12,000 words one time the I which is lost! But I am worthy of it meaning that I am the branch fan of the KEWL and the MICHELLE, striking in any case!

AXIS: TEE HEE

KING: CHUCKLE GAGGLE

The crowd cheers! And Chris Trepanier comes out with a tennis racket and sodomizes Spike with it! And Spike screams "YES! YOU ARE MY DADDY!" but then BIG DADDY THOTH runs out and screams "ANAL BLITZKRIEG!!" much like Shang Tsung from Mortal Kombat says "MORTAL KOMBAT!" And he then begins hitting Spike and Trepanier with a GONAD WHACKER!

And then Michelle Branch comes out and she's NAKED and Spike drools despite being anally blitzkrieged by Thoth! And she starts singing!

Michelle: You put in place me freely! If you can take you who I can lead away empty you here to me, if we want! While using so inside it is in the midst of using very there! But with you desired everything it was someone, you worried! You being to be anywhere to me!

So Jenkins starts humping her leg but then her skin MELTS OFF! And it's discovered it was a disguise and a PENIS drops out! Yes folks it's CUTTHROAT OMG IT'S CUTTHROAT CUTTHROAT IS HERE. Spike has sex with him anyway. SO they finally go into the ring.

*DING DONG DING DONG DONG BONG KONG DONKEY KONG LOL*

Spike says "Mr. Trepanier can I touch your wing wang?" And Trepanier says "Yes, just be careful it's delicate!" And Spike goes to kiss it but OMG CHARLIE MATTHEWS powerbombs him to hell. He then goes back under the ring. Hollywood comes up and he's drinking a cup of JAY DAWG'S SEMEN. THIS IS EXCELLENT, SAYS SPIKE.

THEN JR RUNS OUT!! JIM ROSS SAYS: And being to be the BOOOOOOOOOOOOORING BOOOOOOOOOOOOORING like the stormy WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE STACY of the spear, I the lava of government being to be hungry, while BOOKER t steals my foodstuff store, Ohio state to be possible to obtain as for that it turns the BRADSHAW to here in me what kind of FUCK in me flexibility the cell can the Bossman which that is apply to that it gives,

AXIS: LOL THIS IS TOO GOOD.

KING: SOMEONE BUMP CHARLIE MATTHEWS HE OWNS THE WORLD.

So then JOHN DURAN RUNS OUT BECAUSE JOHN DURAN RULES AND HE GIVES SPIKE, WHO IS NOW DRINKING CUM, A STUNNER! AND HE GIVES TREPANIER A BACK RAKE! AND HE PINS BOTH OF THEM WITH ONE PINKY AS TRIPLE H RUNS OUT AND COUNTS THE PIN!!!!!

ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THEN JOHN DURAN TEACHES EVERYONE HOW TO COOK SWEDISH MEATBALLZ!!!!!!!!!

(Just kidding ROFLMAO)

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELOL!!!!!!!!!!! JOHN DURAN WINS A MATCH HE'S NOT EVEN IN LOLMAO ROFLMOAMSOTJA:OTJPDOG Da g

AXIS: PUSH CHARLIE MATTHEWS BECAUSE HE WROTE THIS MATCH!

KING: YEAH INTO THE SWF SO I CAN GIVE HIM A TITLE MATCH MAYBE EVEN TEAM HIM WITH MIKE CRAVEN!

So Spike dies and he WONDERS why he'll never be pushed! And Trepanier dances a fancy dance!

"Show! Show! As for presentation therefore I can die, it does not enjoy! I the delightful people me who am inhale these foolish matches which are written, is with me cheerful being not to be possible, to write the match which have consisted of the crap! "

AKA: DON'T FUCKING NO SHOW YOU WORTHLESS CUNTS. I OWN YOUR LIVES AND CAN PAWN THEM TO CARLESS MARK JINDRAK FOR FREE.

FREE!!!!!!!!

July 9, 2003

The Toilet is abuzz as Metal returns from commercial break. The crowd is packed in tight as the small edifice is filled with electricity. Drunk and hot, most of the fans are scrunched together and looking towards the ring, screaming at the top of their lungs. Within seconds, since that all it takes to pan the entire audience, the view is on Axis and Suicide King at their tiny announcers’ table.

“Can you believe this place?!” yells King, trying to overcome the decibel level set by the crowd.

“It’s electrifying!” agrees Axis.

“It’s a hellhole! Where the hell are we?!” King asks, unhappy with the atmosphere.

“Well maybe this place isn’t as well-known as Madison Square Garden or have as many memories as the Gund Arena, but it’s seeing one hell of a show that’s a great lead-in to Wrathapalooza,” Axis turns the conversation to a relevant topic.

“And thank God it’s almost over. But we still have to get through this tag match. An unforeseen union between Ireland and Russia is pitted against an old-school World Champion and a losing-inclined European Champion,” King says.

“In other words, Tim Dillon and Viktor Tarakanov are set to take on Charlie Matthews and Leo Breslin in our main event, and these people in Oxnard, California can’t wait!” continues Axis.

"Soviet National Anthem" by the Russian Red Army Choir begins and a large red pyrotechnic set goes off on the entrance ramp.

“The following is a tag team match scheduled for ONE fall,” begins Funyon. “Introducing first… weighing in at 280 pounds and hailing from Astrakahn, Russia… VIKTOOOOOR TARAAAAKANOOOOV!”

“Viktor earned himself a World Title shot over Scott Solomon on our last show,” notes Axis. “Remembering that Viktor is one of two men to hold a win over Charlie is important. But that was quite some time ago.”

As the music continues, Viktor walks down the ramp, climbing up the steps and entering the ring.

“If there’s any man that can stop Charlie dead in his tracks, it’s this Russian wall,” says King. “Viktor will not wait until he has Charlie one-on-one to beat him to a pulp. Believe that…”

Dropkick Murphy’s “Barroom Hero” begins. The bagpipes blare and the lyrics start. Suddenly, green shamrock confetti falls from the rafters. Orange and Green pyrotechnics blows off to the sides and Tim Dillon appears on the stage.

Funyon starts up again: “And his partner… weighing in at 190 pounds… coming from Limerick, Ireland… TIIIIM DILLLLLOOOOOOON!!”

“Tim Dillon is… how do you say… unhappy… with recent goings on. For instance, he failed in his attempt to win the European Title. Then, the man who did win the title from Trepanier, Leo Breslin, hit Dillon with the European Title on Crimson, costing the two a tag match against Spike Jenkins and Bloodshed,” Axis interrupts the entrance.

Soaking up the cheers, he struts down the ramp and throws a few phantom punches. He doesn’t give out high-fives, but instead rushes to the ring hastily, sliding under the bottom rope then standing up and greeting his partner with a furtive glance.

“Dillon can’t be happy with Breslin, and I’m sure it’s his goal to get that European Title so he can, if nothing more, hit Leo upside the head with it,” King says.

White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army” begins, and it doesn’t take long for the fans to realize whose arrival is forthcoming. The music continues as the lighting dims and out steps Charlie Matthews, his World Championship slung over his right shoulder. At his side is Leo Breslin, who taps the shiny gold of his European Title, snugly fit around his waist. He looks up at Dillon as he does who, who glares back menacingly, talking trash to a grinning Breslin. In tow is Scarlet Minjonet, wearing a tight full-body suit of sheer silver.

“And their opponents…” Funyon starts. “Weighing in at a combined weight of 529 pounds… the current SJL European and World Champions… being accompanied to the ring by Scarlet Minjonet… LEOOO BRESLIN AND CHARLIE “GRAPPLER” MAAATHEEEEWS!”

“Now if there’s one thing that can win a smorgasbord tag match like this, it’s unity going into this match. If you look at recent shows, Tim Dillon and Leo Breslin won the tag match in which they were unified. Then they fought each other, and there was tension and a few mistakes. Look at them now. Going into this match, Dillon and Viktor haven’t spoken much to each other. However, Leo and Charlie arrive together, side-by-side, and they’re looking at each other often and exchanging words. There’s an obvious show of respect here,” Axis finishes.

The crowd is extremely supportive of the champions, cheeringly wildly as they finish their walk to the ring. Charlie turns and heads up the steel steps. Leo simply hops onto the apron. The two men enter the ring together. Referee Ced Ordonez stands between the two teams, looking back and forth often, ready to keep things organized in the case of any pre-match confusion.

Charlie and Leo retire to a corner and begin speaking to one another, putting together a plan for the match. Viktor and Dillon move to their corner, but don’t speak. Instead, Viktor remains in the ring as Dillon steps out onto the apron. The Red Rage stares across the ring, having enough decency to wait for his opponents.

“I’ve done some investigating and found out that since Leo and Charlie’s debuts, both on the same night, they have fought each other five times. And while Charlie was the common favorite, and for good reason, they gave us some amazing matches for being rookies. Almost three months later, each are still putting on great shows, but in different divisions, and not against each other. There’s a strong respect between these two men that’s hard to understand unless you’ve gone through it yourself,” Axis ends another long spiel.

By this time Breslin is inside the ring, and Charlie stands behind him on the apron. The two title belts are taken by Ced Ordonez and handed down to a ringside assistant. Charlie’s hand finds Leo’s shoulder and he pats it encouragingly before the European Champion steps forward, inching towards an advancing Viktor Tarakanov.

“Charlie has a lot of enemies right now, and that’s the baggage that comes along with being World Champion. But hopefully tonight, with Leo by his side and a watchful Scarlet Minjonet on the outside, we can avoid anything horrific like what we saw John Duran do to Matthews not too long ago. And if things go as planned, Charlie may rid himself of an enemy tonight,” Axis ends again.

“This isn’t the first time Leo and Viktor have met. In fact--” Axis is cut off.

“Dude, if you don’t switch yourself off encyclopedia mode, I’m going to rip your headphones off and shove them where the sun don’t shine,” King lays down the law. “Now can you stop and call this match that you’re so excited about?”

Starting off in a neck-and-elbow tie up, Breslin and Viktor struggle for position. The Russian monster obviously wins this one, turning Leo around and wrapping him in a sleeper hold. A jumpy Leo is able to squeeze out it early before Viktor gives the full effect. Leo turns around to be grabbed by Viktor again, but this time tossed into the ropes. Leo comes back and is taken down by a short-arm clothesline. He hops back up and is taken down again. When he gets up the third time he is hit hard by Viktor’s Iron Curtain lariat. Leo stays on the ground until he is pulled up this time. Tossed into the ropes again, Leo comes back to find a doubled-over Viktor. He doesn’t think quickly enough to pull off a reversal, and ends up being tossed with a back body drop.

“Leo is off to an iffy start here,” says Axis.

“I’m not surprised. There really is no stopping Viktor. This guy should be on the top of the world right now. He’s about to go into a World Title shot against Charlie, and he’s the only one to beat the Grappler using non-sissy school girl tactics… such as grabbing a dangling title before being slammed down with a power bomb,” King goes off on a small tangent.

Pulled back up again, Leo is pushed into a neutral corner and taken by surprise when Viktor grabs a handful of his hair and begins pounding at his face with wild punches. Viktor is relentless in his onslaught, and he hears quite a negative feedback from the crowd. Dillon wears a satisfied smile as Charlie looks on, confident in his partner’s abilities.

“Viktor is not showing mercy,” comments Axis. “If he keeps up this intensity he may have two wins over Charlie before getting his title shot.”

King interjects, “Come on, COME ON! HARDER!”

“Ugh… reminds me of the days when I had the hotel room next to yours,” Axis joshes.

Viktor takes a step back. His hands hold onto a top rope and his lifts his leg up. He shoves his foot into Leo’s throat, choking him with his boot. Ced Ordonez moves in and applies a count. Just before he reaches five, Viktor pulls his foot away and returns to a normal stance. He pulls Leo back out into the center of the ring. As he begins bending him over, Leo gets in a punch to Viktor’s midsection. Viktor responds by pounding Leo’s back with a forearm, sending him onto all fours. Viktor bends down to pick him up, but Leo explodes onto his knees, his fist nailing Viktor in the face on the way up. Reeling backwards, Viktor is grabbed by Leo and bent down a bit, his head stuck between Leo’s arm and ribcage. Breslin falls backwards and drives Viktor’s head into the mat with a DDT.

“Beautiful explosion there from Leo!” Axis exclaims. “He pulls Viktor up…”

Leo pushes Tarakanov into the ropes and whips him across the ring. He comes back and runs into Leo, who bends down a bit and takes a hold of his strong legs, lifting him off the ground then falling forward and dropping Viktor to the mat with a spine buster. Leo gets up immediately and heads to his corner. He tags in Charlie, who is sure to have his hand on the tag rope. This evokes a big increase in the cheers. Charlie moves over to Viktor, who is slowly getting up. Helping him up the rest of the way, Matthews puts his arms around Viktor and is quick in tossing him up and over with a belly-to-belly suplex.

“Leo makes the first tag in this match and if there’s anyone that you want to isolate and keep down and out, it’s Viktor,” Axis observes.

“Can’t disagree with that…” King calmly states.

Matthews is by this time taking the final steps in applying his Native American Deathlock. He puts on full pressure and Viktor contains the painful scream building inside him by clenching his teeth and squinting his eyes. A close-up reveals beads of sweat on his brow. Charlie keeps his hold in place, listening to the cheers around him and the motivation coming from Leo. Not planning on giving it up anytime soon, Charlie looks around him. He sees Tim Dillon jump into the ring. This prompts Charlie to let go so he can meet Dillon his way. Charlie runs into him with a high knee, knocking him over. Charlie turns around and passes Tarakanov, ending up in the corner to tag Breslin. Leo steps into the ring and moves over to Viktor. He slowly lifts him.

“Leo and Charlie are in control here,” Axis comments. “Leo has Viktor up and has shoved his own head between Viktor’s arm and ribs. Looks like a northern lights here bu--”

“But Viktor is too much for this pipsqueak to handle!” yells King. “Viktor won’t let him! He grabs Leo’s waistband… brings him up… stalling in a vertical suplex position and… brain buster! That was horrific!”

“Breslin is indeed out of it after that…” Axis trails off.

Viktor grabs Breslin’s head and pulls him up, showing no regard for Leo’s well-being. He turns Breslin around so his back is to him, and straddles his waist. Quickly, Viktor brings Breslin up and over with a German suplex. He keeps the bridge in, and Ordonez falls to the mat to apply the first pin of the match.

“ONE…” King starts, excited. “TWO! TH--DAMN! The first pin was so close! Viktor is close to finishing off Breslin.”

“It’s just a shame that Viktor is handing the leftovers to Tim Dillon. The Irishman has been tagged in for the first time,” says Axis.

“Finally!” King shouts. “It’s about time Dillon gets a piece of Breslin.”

Dillon lifts a worn Breslin off the ground and tosses him back down with a simple scoop slam. He retires to a corner and waits for Breslin to get up. It takes quite some time, but when Breslin gets to his feet he is nailed with a GORE!. Dillon moves himself up and finally sits atop Breslin’s chest, wailing away at him with fury. Lefts and rights take turns nailing Breslin’s head and face.

“Breslin is taking a beating and a half,” Axis looks on.

“Dillon is getting off him…” King stops. “And pulling him up right away. This is justified.”

Setting Breslin up for a DDT, Dillon drops down quickly. He holds Breslin in position and gets to his feet, dragging his sluggish opponent with him. Dillon drops with a second DDT, and repeats the process. His third rolling DDT completes Finn’s Fall, and Dillon gets up to tag in Viktor. Tarakanov climbs in the ring and follows Dillon, who picks up Breslin. The two men each grab and arm and toss Leo into the ropes together. Matthews begins voicing his disagreement and throws his arms in the air in anger. But Leo manages to calm Matthews down as he ducks the two connected arms of Viktor and Dillon. He bounces off the opposites ropes and shoots back with a flying double clothesline as both men turn around. Caught off guard, they fall to the ground. Leo gets up but doesn’t stay up. Rather, he is back on his feet for a second before leaping as far as he can and catching the extended hand of Charlie Matthews. The crowd explodes in unison as The Grappler steps into the ring. Leo remains near the corner as Charlie moves in on Viktor and Dillon, who now get to their feet.

“Charlie is in! The Grappler is about to tear…” Axis’ excitement trails off. “What the hell is going on?! What’s Ordonez doing?!”

“HAHA! How do you like that?! Charlie didn’t have his hand on the tag rope! What a moron!” King jabs.

As Ordonez pushes Charlie back, and Charlie resists with some choice words, Viktor grabs Leo’s leg and pulls him out to the center of the ring, where Dillon is waiting with a heavy boot that moves up and down, stomping into Leo’s body. Viktor joins him, and the two men continue double teaming him until Charlie gives up in his futile attempts. Dillon hurries back onto the apron and Viktor falls onto Leo as soon as Ordonez turns around.

“Here it is! ONE… TWO… THREE!” King shouts.

“NO, LEO GOT OUT OF IT!” Axis bellows. “Charlie just let out one hell of a sigh of relief!”

Glaring at referee Ordonez, Viktor quickly brings Leo up again and wraps his arm around his neck, preparing for the Soviet Judo Throw. He lifts Leo up and begins to turn…but Breslin strikes with a back elbow to the side of Viktor’s head, and another…and a third! Tarakanov releases his stronghold, and Leo backs into the ropes, but he’s met with a knee to the back from Tim Dillon, halting his progress! With the European Champion hunched over, Viktor shakes out the cobwebs and grabs him in a gutwrench, before hoisting him up and over his head with a suplex. Relentlessly, Tarakanov sits Leo up and wraps his huge arm around Leo’s neck, executing a chinlock.

“Perfect strategy here by Tarakanov,” begins Axis, “as this chinlock cuts off the flow of oxygen through Leo Breslin’s body, and it has a chance of knocking him out for the remainder of this match!”

“And even if it doesn’t do that,” King begins, unable to contain his glee, “it’ll sure as hell slow him down enough so he’ll NEVER be able to tag that so-called Champion back in.”

The Oxnard crowd tries to do whatever they can to rally Breslin, beginning a drunken “Let’s – Go – Breslin!” chant that reverberates through the Toilet. Breslin flails his arms wildly, doing whatever he can to break the Russian stronghold. Finally, Matthews, in his corner, and Scarlet at ringside lead the crowd to begin clapping and stomping, and Leo begins feeding on this electricity, moving to his side, and finally rising to his knees! Viktor tries to stop this, but Breslin’s momentum is surging as he turns around and gets to his feet! He sends his elbow back into Tarakanov’s gut, twice, and three times, finally breaking the chinlock! Breslin charges to the ropes, making sure to avoid Dillon’s side, propelling off and running towards Viktor with malice…

BOOM!

“OH MY GOD!” screams Axis, “THE IRON CURTAIN! For the second time in this match, Viktor Tarakanov used that lariat on Breslin!”

“They need to give it up, and fast,” adds King, “I wouldn’t be surprised if that blow knocked Leo out cold.”

The crowd deflates like a balloon as Viktor regains control, picking Leo up and dragging him to his corner. He holds the European Champion in a front facelock before tagging in Tim Dillon, who quickly scales the top rope and leaps off, bringing his arms down in a double axe-handle across the upper-back and neck area of Breslin. As Leo staggers from the blow, Tim wraps in another front facelock and grabs the tights of Breslin, quickly snapping him over in another suplex. He floats over into a pin attempt as Ced counts:

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT~!

“If there was ever a time Leo Breslin needed to make the tag, it would be about now,” states Axis, “he’s taking a major beating out there.”

Without missing a beat, Dillon lifts his opponent up and stands behind him, grabbing an inverted facelock while, with his other hand, pulling Leo’s left arm behind his back in a hammerlock. Just as Tim tries to fall back with the Last Calls, Leo reaches to his side and grabs onto the top rope, refusing to go down! Tim keeps the modified facelock on, but Ordonez forces him to break the hold. Tim glares at him for a second, before turning his attention back to Breslin. Seeing him still standing, Dillon sends the toe of his boot right into Leo’s kneecap, causing Leo to hang on the ropes for support. He follows this with a clothesline that sends Breslin all the way over the top rope, down to the floor!

“For a minute, I thought Breslin would mount a comeback,” says a disappointed Axis, “but Dillon can be just too quick sometimes.”

“As the fastest man in this match,” adds King about Dillon, “it really ISN’T a surprise. Tim and Viktor complement each other perfectly. And speaking of Viktor…”

With referee Ordonez distracted by Dillon, Viktor Tarakanov drops off the apron and grabs the fallen Breslin, sending a hard punch into his face before scooping him up and dropping him right down across the announce table! Inside the ring, Matthews can’t take anymore and gets into the ring, trying to get the attention of Ced, but he only forces the Champion back into his corner as Viktor rolls Breslin into the ring. With Ordonez hung up with Grappler, Viktor and Dillon trade places as the Red Rage claps his hands together, making a false tag. Ced accepts it for whatever reason, and this allows Viktor and Tim to sneak in some high-quality double teaming. Tarakanov stands at Leo’s side and hoists him up with one arm, dropping him down back-first across his knee with a backbreaker. He holds him in this position as Dillon climbs to the top rope, and sails off, bringing his outstretched leg across Leo’s throat, nearly decapitating him!

“Good Lord!” Axis sounds legitimately concerned with Leo’s safety, “That was a version of the old Sidewinder, a time-tested double team move if there ever was one!”

“And this is the end!” shouts King with delight, “Good night everyone, we’ll see you at Wrathapalooza!”

Tarakanov forces Leo into a cover after the move, and Ordonez can do nothing but count the inevitable pin:

ONE!!

TWO!!!!!!!!!!

THRE- CHARLIE MATTHEWS RUNS INTO THE RING AND BREAKS UP THE PIN~!

The Toilet inhabitants elicit a loud cheer as Grappler makes his force felt in this match, before Ordonez forces him back into his corner again. Red Rage picks Leo up and shares some not-so-kind words with Grappler, before shouting, “This one’s for you!” He then wraps his arms around Breslin and squeezes tightly, holding him up in the air and executing the dreaded Bearhug!

“YES! This is beautiful!” shouts a joyous Suicide King, “not only is Viktor squeezing the life out of Breslin, but he’s getting under the skin of Matthews!”

“Well, there’s no doubt this move is effective,” adds Axis, trying to maintain impartiality, “and without a doubt, Breslin needs a tag.”

The camera zooms in to show Tarakanov’s face, scrunched by the force exerted with the bearhug. Breslin’s face is marked with fatigue, as he slowly stops trying to fight the hold and eventually goes limp and lifeless in the strong Russian arms. The Toilet fans do all they can to help Breslin, clapping and stomping much like before. Scarlet, on the outside, wears a face of concern for her man, as she pounds on the mat furiously from the outside. Charlie shouts words of encouragement to his partner, and Dillon looks on, proud of his partner’s work. Ced Ordonez does the only thing he can do, noticing the limp Breslin, checking for the submission.

The arm is raised…

And it drops ONCE!

It’s raised again…

And drops for the SECOND time!

Ced lifts Breslin’s arm up for the third and final time…

And it falls….

Falls….

BUT DOESN’T DROP COMPLETELY! LEO LIFTS HIS ARM UP AND SHOWS SIGNS OF LIFE!!

“YES!” shouts Axis excitedly, leaving his impartiality at the door, “Breslin is not out of this yet, and he’s feeding off of his new-found adrenaline!”

“That wasn’t fair!” shouts King, trying to find anything wrong with the faces’ work, “His arm was down! This match should be over!”

Breslin’s whole body begins shaking, as Viktor does whatever he can to try and keep the Bearhug locked in. The Champion begins to wail away at Viktor’s face with his fists, desperately trying to escape the hold. Finally, Leo outstretches his arms and claps them together, boxing Tarakanov’s ears and finally breaking the grip! As Viktor regains his equilibrium, Leo charges to the ropes and pushes off of them. Noticing Tarakanov doubled over, Breslin wraps in a front facelock and quickly sweeps the Russian’s leg out from under him, surging back and ripping Viktor down head-first to the mat with an impact that shakes the ring!

“EVENFLOW DDT!” shouts Axis, excitement ringing through his vocal cords, “Leo has the perfect opportunity to make a tag! Come on Champ, you can do it!”

“Oh, stop with the pathetic motivation,” says King, uncaring at this point, “Breslin’s been getting lucky this entire match, and every time he has, Viktor or Dillon have been there to shut him down. This will be no different.”

Both men are down and out in the center of the ring, but at almost the same time they turn onto their stomachs and begin crawling to their respective corners, as Scarlet and Charlie shout encouragement to Breslin. Viktor is to his corner first, as he groggily reaches his feet…and tags in Dillon! Tim releases the tag rope and quickly enters the ring, trying to hinder Leo’s progress again…

BUT IT’S TOO LATE, AS LEO MAKES THE HOT TAG TO CHARLIE MATTHEWS AND THE TOILET EXPLODES~! Grappler releases his tag rope and enters the ring like a shot, sending his fist into Tim’s face with a big left handed punch, bringing him down to the mat! Dillon instinctively gets up, only to be met with another punch, which sends him right into the ropes. Matthews grabs Tim’s arm and whips him to the opposite side of the ring, and as Tim comes back, Grappler bends down and stands up, flipping Dillon up and over with a back body drop!

“Matthews is a HOUSE…EN…FUEGO~!” bellows Axis, “and nothing is going to stop him!”

BOOM!

“That will!” rebuts King, as Viktor Tarakanov sneaks up behind Charlie and sends a fist right into the Champion’s kidney. The illegal man grabs Matthews and lifts him for a belly-to-belly suplex…but Grappler aims down, sending three punches into Viktor’s face and breaking the hold! As the Red Rage staggers back, Charlie grabs his arm and pulls him forward, extending his arm right under Viktor’s chin and sending him down to the mat with a short arm clothesline! The Toilet overflows with cheers as Viktor falls and the SJL Champion lets out a roar! The Red Rage exits the ring to his corner, leaving the unfortunate Tim Dillon to deal with the 300-pound champion.

“What were you saying, King,” begins Axis, with an almost audible grin, “about someone stopping Charlie Matthews? I sure don’t see it!”

As Suicide King mumbles something under his breath, Grappler picks Dillon up and heaves him into the ropes. Charlie lifts his arm to catch Tim with upon his arrival, but the quicker man sees this coming and ducks under the arm, running to the opposite ropes and pushing off, before sending his boots right into Matthews’ knees with a basement dropkick! The force pushes the Champion to his knees, and Dillon runs to the opposite ropes and lifts his boots right into Grappler’s face with a low dropkick! Matthews falls flat on his face, and Tim turns him over and covers him with a lateral press as Ordonez counts:

ONE!

TW-KICKOUT WITH AUTHORITY~! Dillon is launched four feet in the air before landing on his face, as Grappler uses his strong vitality to power out. Tenaciously, the Champion picks Dillon up and wrenches in a front facelock, before grabbing the waist of his tights and hoisting him up in the air. Tim is held upside down for five total seconds, as Charlie unceremoniously drops him back down to the canvas hard. Grappler quickly grabs Dillon by the legs and begins slowly rotating, gradually picking up speed and sending the Irishman on a merry go round from hell!

“GIANT SWING~!” shouts Axis, enthusiastically, “What a ride Charlie Matthews is taking Tim Dillon on!”

I think I’m going to be sick,” retorts King, “for more than one reason.”

With the Toilet swirling at each rotation, Grappler finally lets go after the ninth, sending Tim flying onto his back. The crowd shows their appreciation for the move, as Matthews stumbles around the ring dumbly. He walks over to his corner and asks Breslin if he wants in again, and shaking off the abuse he took before, the European Champion agrees enthusiastically. The Champions tag out and Breslin comes into the ring with new fire in his eyes. Without delay, he picks up the dizzy Irishman and stands behind him, wrapping his own arms around his body in a Straightjacket position, before arching backwards and dropping Tim right on the back of his neck! Showing surprising strength, Leo holds onto the bridge and Ced counts:

ONE!!

TWO!!!!!

VIKTOR TARAKANOV BREAKS UP THE PIN! Ordonez quickly sends the Red Rage back to his corner, and as Leo stands up he shares a few unhealthy words with the big man. He turns around to pick up his legal opponent…but is met by a straight punch right to his kneecap from the fiery Irishman! The surprise and force doubles Leo over, and Dillon follows this up with a shot to the other kneecap, and then a slap to the face! Tim gets up to a standing position, sending two straight punches into Breslin’s face, and then a backhand slap. He wraps his arm around Leo’s head in a violent headlock and unleashes one more vicious punch, before running to the ropes and propelling towards Leo. At the right time, he uses his hands, and his momentum, to push up on Leo’s shoulders and land in a sitting position, arching back for a hurracanrana!

“But wait!” bellows Axis, “Leo catches him, and he’s shifting Dillon’s weight around…into a crucifix position!”

“No! Foul!” yells King, despite the fact that Ced can’t hear him, “He used the tights and pulled his hair or something!”

Breslin holds Tim outstretched in this position, and then drops him forward, right on the back of his neck with a Razor’s Edge! Without a pause in the action, Leo grabs onto Dillon’s legs and turns him over, straddling him and wrenching back with a Walls of Jericho to complete the Breslin Deluxe! Pain shoots through Dillon’s body as he screams in pain, while the Toilet bubbles with chants of “Tap! Tap!” The Russian Red Rage doesn’t let it happen, though, as he storms into the ring and kicks Leo right in the back, breaking the hold. Grappler tries to get into the ring to thwart Viktor’s deeds, but Ced Ordonez runs over to him and pushes him back to his corner. Taking advantage of the distraction, Tarakanov drags Dillon all the way to his corner, before quickly stepping onto the apron and grabbing the tag rope. When Ordonez returns to survey the action, all Tim has to do is reach up to tag in his partner, who enters the ring once again. Tarakanov points at Grappler, taunting him, as he grabs Breslin in a gutwrench and hoists him into a Canadian backbreaker position.

“What a genius!” screams King with delight, “That was a beautiful move by Tarakanov, and now he’s going to finish Leo Breslin off with the Bolshevik Revolution!”

Tarakanov showcases his strength, holding Leo onto his shoulder and walking around the ring for all the jeering fans in the Toilet to see. However, as he takes his final turn around the ring…

CRACK~!

“YAKUZA KICK~!!!” yells Axis, “CHARLIE MATTHEWS JUST TOOK VIKTOR’S HEAD OFF WITH THE YAKUZA KICK!!”

The force of the blow drops Viktor directly to the canvas, as Leo falls off of his shoulder harmlessly, though he takes some time to recover on the canvas. Ced Ordonez tries to force Grappler to his corner again, but before he can, Tim Dillon enters the ring and dashes over to the SJL Champion, slapping him right across the face! Matthews turns to face Tim with both a grin and red handprint on his face, pushing the cruiserweight against the ropes before swinging his outstretched arm wildly, catching Dillon under the jaw with a clothesline that sends him over the ropes to the floor! Grappler looks to the crowd, satisfied, but what he doesn’t see is Viktor Tarakanov measuring him up, and as the Champion turns around…

BOOM~!

“VICTORY BY KNOCKOUT!” says King, exuberant, “Viktor just knocked the World Champion out cold!”

“But he’s not the legal man!” retorts Axis, “In fact, Breslin! Leo Breslin is behind Tarakanov!”

Before the Russian even realizes where Leo is, the European Champion lifts his arm between Viktor’s legs and rolls him back, right into a schoolboy! Ced quickly counts with the residents of the Toilet all counting along!

ONE!!

TWOOOO!!!!!!

Tarakanov fights wildly to break the pin…

THREEEEEEEE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But he can’t!

*DING DING DING*

“Oh my GOD!” screams Axis, “Leo Breslin just pinned Viktor Tarakanov! The Champions win it!”

“NO!” says Suicide King, seemingly on the verge of tears, “this can’t be happening! Not here! Not tonight!”

Funyon stands from his throne to make the official announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match, Charlie ‘Grappler’ Matthews and LEOOOOOOOO BRESLIIIIIIIIIN!”

“Won’t Back Down” fires up and the crowd lets out an arena-shaking roar as Viktor rolls onto his knees in utter disbelief. Grappler slowly pulls himself off the canvas, and as he meets Breslin in the center of the ring, the two share a brief, manly hug. Scarlet joins in the celebrating, as all three raise their arms in the air, exhausted in victory.

“And what a win!” says Axis, “and you can bet these guys are ready for Wrathapalooza this Sunday! For Suicide King, this is Axis, saying good night from Oxnard!”

The scene of Breslin and Matthews holding their respective championships fades to black.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Smarks Junior League

+++++++++++++++++++++

July 9, 2003

SUMMARY

CRAIG MCLENNAN IS NO LONGER CARLESS~~!!!

ROYALA OAYOAYL OYAOL!

NEW CHAMPSZ! OMGDODCZ!~ 2 TIME DRAOGN!!

MANSON BEINGZ EDITED WINEER!!

DURAN & SOLOMON COWRITZ GOODNESS~

AND NOTHING!!!

FREAKING BRAPLLER & OLEO EWIHT THE WIN!!!!!!

COMING SOON

WRATHAPALOOZA CARD!!!!!

Edited July 9, 2003 by Longdogger_Pete

SJL METAL - JULY 8, 2003

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