Royal rumble 2001

[Guest bob_barron]

Royal Rumble 2001

 

Live from New Orleans. Your hosts are JR and King

 

Awesome video package to start about the Rumble.

 

Edge-n-Christian v. Dudley Boyz for the WWF Tag Titles

 

We get a quick recap of E-n-C beating up the Dudz. Dudz attack to start so E-n-C decide to walk but get cut off. D-Von and Edge start. Neckbreaker-2. D-Von kicks his ass and gets another near fall. Tag Bubba Ray.Elbow-2. Bubba backdrops him and works him over. Sidewalk slam-2. Tag D-Von. King keeps talking about the “Dudleyz parents”. Powerslam-2. Edge gets a suplex, tag Christian. D-Von plays face-in-peril and the heels work him over and of course cheat when they have the chance to. Edge goes for piledriver but he gets slingshotted into Christian. False tag D-Von. D-Von ducks Conchairto and clotheslines E-n-C. Hot tag Bubba Ray who cleans house. Wassup Drop to Edge. D-VON! WHAT? GET THE TABLES!!! Christian stops him. Edge runs in with the title but gets rolled up for two. Unprettier is blocked as is 3-D because Edge spears Bubba Ray…for two. E-n-C mockl the Wassup Drop but Bubba rolls Christian up and D-Von pushes Edge into Christian. 3-D to Christian and the Dudleyz are champs. Fun little match ***1/4

 

Earlier today Drew Carey arrived.  Earlier tonight Vince said Triple H will still get his shot. JR and King discuss.

Triple H asks SMH to make sure her hatred of Trish doesn’t cost him. Drew Carey shows up and says he ran into Kamala and he hasn’t watched in a while. They plug his PPV and wants to see Vince. SMH sends him off to Trish

Faarooq tries to get Bradshaw to show him his number. Bradshaw makes fun of him when he sees it. Crash shows up and says if they get in his way he’ll have to kick his ass. Faarooq: Damn.

 

Video package of Y2J-Benoit.

 

Chris Benoit v. Chris Jericho in a ladder match for the WWF Intercontinental Title

 

Slugfest- Y2J takes control. Benoit goes for crossface, Y2J rolls through into the Walls but Y2J blocks. Benoit works on his shoulder and rams him into the post. Benoit lays into the chops. Shoulderbreaker but Jericho comes back with a lariat. Benoit ducks missile dropkick and Jericho goes flying. Benoit goes for the ladder but Jericho attacks. Jericho gets whipped into the ring post. Benoit gets the ladder. Benoit blocks baseball slide and throws Jericho into ring steps. Benoit climbs but Jericho puts him on top of his shoulder and falls backward. Jericho works him over and rams the ladder into Benoit. Jericho rams the ladder into his stomach. Jericho stomps away but gets catapulted into the ladder and flies out. Jericho blocks a tope by Benoit by smacking the hell out of him right on the head with a steel chair. OH MY GOD! Jericho drops him on the rail and tries to tip the ladder onto him but Benoit moves. Jericho gets hit with a ladder and a chair. Back in- Benoit lays in the violence. Jericho reintroduces him to the ladder and puts one of Benoit’s legs on the ladder and then climbs and pushes it on so it falls right on Benoit. Ouch! Benoit dropkicks the ladder into Jericho’s face. Benoit works him over but gets whipped face first into the ladder. Jericho catapults the ladder into Benoit’s face. Jericho missile dropkicks the ladder into Benoit. Jericho climbs but Benoit stops him with stiff kidney shots and suplexes him out of the ring. Benoit climbs but Jericho saves so Benoit calmly kicks him in the face. Jericho tries again and gets the Octopus on top of the ladder. Awesome visual. He then pushes him and goes for the belt. Benoit kicks the ladder out from under him and Jericho falls. Jericho gets another ladder shot in and climbs. He jumps off at Benoit who is able to grab him and hook the Crippler Crossface. Benoit rams him into the post but Jericho catapults him into the ladder. Jericho sets the ladder up in the corner to go after Benoit. Benoit pushes him off and goes for the diving headbutt of the top of the ladder. HOLY SHIT! Jericho climbs but Benoit pushes the ladder and Jericho goes flying out. Jericho has a chair and chairs away. He pushes the ladder and Benoit goes flying out of the ring. Jericho climbs and wins the belt. Absolutely incredible. I miss Benoit. ****1/2

 

Drew is flirting with Trish. Vinnie Mac shows up and Drew kisses his ass. Vince is a bit pissed about Drew talking to his girl and convinces him to do the Rumble.

Billy Gunn is worried about Chyna. Billy: I’m worried your penis will prevent you from being allowed to win.

Michael Cole is with Jericho who proved Benoit wrong. JR-n-King discuss the Drew Carey development

Video package of Chyna-Ivory.

 

Chyna v. Ivory (w/Steven Richards)

 

Chyna kills everything that moves but hits a handspring elbow and I guess her penis ruptures or something cause she collapses and is pinned. DUD Post-match they do a real life thing and King checks on her and whatever.

 

Stephanie and Trish have a verbal confrontation in the makeup room. Harvey Wippleman gives Carey his gear. Kane walks in. Drew: Hey- its a goofy guy in a mask.

Tiger Ali Singh and Lodown argue over who gets the RR shot based on their win over Kaientai. Vince shows up and rescinds their right to be in the Rumble.

At WWFNY its 4-3 for Triple H. The Game snarls in his locker room and we get an extreme closeup of the back acne.

Video package of Angle-HHH.

 

Kurt Angle (w/Trish Stratus) v. Triple H (w/Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley) for the WWF Title

 

Lockup- HHH goes to the arm. Angle kips up and gets a firemans carry and goes to the arm. HHH breaks it and shouldertackles Angle. Angle armdrags him and clotheslines him out. ‘Angle sucks’. Back in- HHH works him over but walks into a backdrop. Angle goes to the arm but HHH knees him but walks into three Angle suplexes for two. HHH bails. Brawl on the outside- HHH takes control and drops him on the rail. HHH rams him into the steps but walks into Angle right hands. Drop toe-hold and HHH gets a leg grapevine as JR mentions Buddy Rogers. King tells him to shut up. HHH works on the knee but Angle gets an enziguri for two. King talks about the Andy Kaufman thing in relation to Drew Carey as HHH works on the leg. Angle whips HHH out of the ring. Angle tries to ram his leg into the post but his face gets rammed in. HHH goes into the steps. Back in- Angle misses a blind charge and gets his leg rammed into post. Steph distracts ref so HHH chairs his leg. Angle rams his knee into steps so HHH works on the leg. Indian Deathlock by HHH. Angle breaks and hammers away. He puts his head down and gets facebustered for two. Another cover-2. HHH works him over and gets the figure four. HHH uses the ropes for leverage- Trish tries to point this out and CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT! CATIFIGHT! By gawd the catfight. Vince McMahon strolls out and gets in the middle. Lucky bastard. They go at it more and Vince puts Trish over his shoulder and carries her out. Steph pushes Trish on top of Vince and the catfight continues. They all fight to the back. Triple H who apparently released the hold to watch goes for the figure four but gets small packaged for two. He goes back to the knee but Angle sends him into the ringpost. Slugfest- HHH wins but Angle gets DDT for two. Angle gets inverted atomic drop. German suplex-2. Angle gets a Russian leg sweep and goes for the moonsault. He takes his time and gets ballshotted. HHH then hits a Razor’s Edge. Hey yo chico. HHH covers three times for two. Angle blocks Pedigree but gets booted into the ropes and he falls into the crotch of The Game. Moonsault by Angle- and it HITS!!!!!! You would think the shock of Angle hitting the moonsault would cause HHH to stay down in shock but it only gets two. They brawl on the outside and HHH accidentally bumps the ref. They brawl on the outside. Back in- HHH goes up top but gets armdragged down. Angle covers- no ref. Angle goes out to revive him but in the mass confusion the ref gets bumped again. Angle ducks a belt-shot with a belly to belly. HHH ducks a belt shot and hits the Pedigree. No ref. Stone Cold Steve Austin runs out, beats up HHH. He whacks him with the title belt and brings the ref back in. HHH blades. HHH starts to stir so Austin runs in and hits KICK WHAM STUNNER. Kurt rolls over and covers for the pin. **** Really great match and even though it dragged a little bit.

 

Rikishi is preparing backstage as Rock cuts a promo mentioning the possible BOD alliance and how it could come down to anyone. We get a video package. Fink reads the rules.

 

Royal Rumble Match-

 

Jeff Hardy is #1. Bull Buchanan is #2. Bull kicks his ass but Jeff gets headscissors take over. Bull comes back and almost presses him out and they slug it out. Matt Hardy is #3. The Hardyz unite and toss Bull. THE HARDYZ EXPLODE!!!! Faarooq is #4. Faarooq takes them both on but soon falls prey to a botched Poetry in Motion. He almost Dominates Matt but falls prey to Twist of Fate/Swanton. Faarooq is tossed. The Hardyz take their shirts off and EXPLODE! Drew Carey is #5. Drew high-fives everyone and takes his sweet-ass time getting into the ring. Drew is just cracking up as the Hardyz explode. Jeff pushes Matt out and Jeff falls out leaving Drew alone. Drew celebrates until he realises #6 is KANE! Drew shits his pants. “Drew’s starting to sweat Crisco”- JR. Drew offers Kane a handshake and some cash. Kane goes to chokeslam him but #7-Raven saves him. Drew eliminates himself and cheers Raven on. Kane beats the shit out of Raven. Raven gets the hardcore stuff but Al Snow shows up and beats the shit out of him. #8 is Al Snow. He beats everyone with a trash bin. Al Snow whacks Kane with a bowling ball and then bowls it into Raven’s nuts. Kane pops up and kicks his ass. Snow-n-Raven team up to beat Kane with garbage cans. #9 is Perry Saturn (w/Terri). All three go after Kane with hardcore plunder. #10 Steve Blackman. He goes after everyone with kendo sticks which is pretty stupid considering they could’ve gotten Kane out. #11 is Grandmaster Sexay who stops to dance. He almost gets Snow out. Kane whacks GMS with a garbage can and he flies out. Kane tosses Blackman, Snow, Raven and Saturn. Al Snow beats on Raven as #12 is Honky Tonk Man. Honky Tonk sings his song. Kane grabs the guitar, whacks him over the head with it and tosses it. Funny stuff. #13 is The Rock. Rock and Kane go at it. #14 is the Goodfather who lasts eighteen seconds before Rock lays the smackdown on him. #15 is Tazz who lasts fourteen seconds before Kane knocks him out. Back to Kane-Rock. They both almost get each other out. #16 is Bradshaw who goes after Kane and gives Rock the Clothesline from Hell. Kane soon comes back and beats up both guys. #17 is Albert who almost gets Bradshaw as Kane almost gets Rock. #18 is Hardcore Holly. Rock almost gets Kane. #19 is K-Kwik who gets his ass kicked. #20 is Val Venis who gets his ass kicked by Kane. #21 is William Regal who waves on his way to the ring and kicks K-Kwik’s ass. Val Venis almost tosses Rock. #22 is Test who gets William Regal and then goes after Albert. T&A EXPLODE!!! #23 is Big Show making his WWF return. He clotheslines Test out and presses K-Kwik out. Chokeslams are given to Albert, Bradshaw, Val Venis, Hardcore Holly and Kane. He goes to chokeslam Rock but gets ballshotted. Rock lays the smackdown and tosses Big Show. #24 is Crash Holly. Big Show chokeslams Rock through the announce table. Everyone tries to get Kane but #25 is Undertaker. The BODD kick ass. Kane and Taker eliminate Crash Holly, Val Venis, Bradshaw, Albert and Hardcore. The BOD have a staredown as #26 Scotty II Hotty comes in. He looks really nervous and fifty seconds later- he’s gone. I thought S2H should’ve brought the sunglass and convince the BOD to dance with him. They dance to a huge pop but in the middle the BOD look at each other, come to their senses and toss him out. #27 is Stone Cold Steve Austin. Triple H shows up and beats the shit out of him. Rock comes back in and gets his ass kicked. Austin does a primo-bladejob. #28 is Billy Gunn who hammers away at the BOD. Austin is just gushing blood as the BOD beat on Rock and Billy Gunn. Rock comes back but Taker DDTs him. Haku is #29 making his return to the WWF. Fuck you Bischoff. Haku goes after the BOD. Haku (Meng) was the WCW Hardcore Champion but was working without a contract so Vince gave him a three year contract for good money just to screw over Bischoff. #30 is Rikishi. Whose left- Kane, Rock, Austin, Taker, Haku and Billy Gunn. Rikishi goes to punch Austin but gets his ass kicked. Austin stomps a mudhole in Billy Gunn and walks it dry and dumps Haku. Rikishi gets chokeslammed by Taker who almost dumps Rock. Taker headbutts Rikishi which of course- doesn’t work. Rikishi superkicks Taker out. Rikishi goes to Banzai Rock but Rock gives him a lowblow and dumps him.                     FINAL FOUR- Rock, Billy Gunn, Austin and Kane. Billy Gunn hits the Fameasser on Austin but gets dumped soon after. Austin and Rock go. Rock lays the smackdown but Austin blocks Rock Bottom and hits KICK WHAM STUNNER on Rock. Kane and Austin go and Austin hits a Thesz Press on Kane. Rock and Austin go at it again and Rock hits the Rock Bottom on Stone Cold. Rock tosses Kane but he goes between the ropes. Austin and Rock slug it out and almost toss each other. Kane comes back in and tosses Rock out. Kane chokeslams Austin but Austin lowblows him. Kane gets a chair but Auatin blocks. Kane goes for tombstone but Austin reverses into KICK WHAM STUNNER. Three chairshots and a clothesline and Stone Cold Steve Austin is the first three-time winner of the Royal Rumble and is going to Wrestlemania. Very good Rumble with a few slow spots ****

 

The Bottom Line- Whoa. This PPV kicked off the WWF’s Trilogy of Awesomeness and generally awesome TV until the Austin heel turn which not coincidentally was the end of the Golden Age of Attitude. Pick this PPV up and relive the days when WWF PPVs kicked major ass.

 

Highest Recommendation

 

In the General Banter folder- feel free to choose my next rant.