Guest Aecas Report post Posted July 14, 2003 Well heres the match I thrashed out in 2 nights, hope you all enjoy it. If you can be bothered to read it that is Wrathpalooza bursts back from its final commercial break; the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome is packed to capacity with thousands upon thousands of screaming SJL fans, there’s an audible buzz in the arena as the fans know that the last and most important match up is next. As the cameras focus on the centre of the baseball field SJL technicians and backstage crew begin to swarm all over the ring, removing the barbed wire ropes that surrounded Spike Jenkins and John Duran in the previous match. The cameras stay fixed on the deconstruction of the ring for a few moments, before they switch back to the announcers table revealing Axis and the Suicide King seated and as always ready to continue calling the action. Axis: Welcome back to Wrathpalooza folks! We’ve had a great night here in the Metrodome in Minneapolis, Minnesota and the atmosphere here is so thick you could cut it with a knife! King: Cut the melodrama Axis, its time to get serious. Our last and final match of the night is for the most prestigious title in the SJL, the World Championship! Charlie “The Grappler” Matthews and Aecas are going to square off against each other once again! Axis: That’s right King and this match is not going to take place in the ring! It’s going to take place all over the arena tonight, as we prepare ourselves for tonight’s main event, the Stadium Street Fight! King: But there’s one more little thing to add some spice to this main event. Both competitors are going to have a former SJL wrestler seconding them tonight and we can only speculate at the carnage that will result when two old adversaries Crow and Va’aiga face one another once more tonight! The camera cuts back to the centre of the baseball field as the SJL crew are carting away the last remains of the ring, leaving the field bare, as the fans start to get more and more audible as they eagerly await the combatants in the last match of the night. The lights in the roof dim slowly as "Seven Nation Army" by the White Stripes plays over the arena speakers, the fans erupt into cheers as the match hype continues with Charlie Matthews walking out of the makeshift entranceway. The Grappler grins placing his hands on his hips, the SJL World Title draped over one shoulder, looking like it belongs there. He looks out at the hordes of fans squeezed into the arena, he then holds up a hand before turning around and pointing back at the entranceway. The curtains are flung aside for a second time and the Antichrist Superstar himself appears, just as a huge wall of fire erupts along the top of the entranceway, highlighted by the flames Crow raises his arms into a Crucifix pose grinning slightly around a lit cigarette. Crow drops his arms and walks up to and past Charlie Matthews, The Grappler following his erstwhile partner as Dimmu Borgir’s “Burn in Hell” pounds through the arena. Funyon: The following contest is the Stadium Street Fight! For the SJL World Title! This bout can take place in any part of the arena, there will be No Disqualifications in this match and Falls will count Anywhere! Funyon pauses to let that sink in before shouting over both the fans cheering and the pounding music once more. Funyon: Introducing first, weighing in at 299lbs and hailing from Kansas City, Missouri. He is the SJL World Champion! Charlie “The Grappler” Matthews! And he is accompanied tonight, by the Antichrist Superstar, Crow!!!!! Eddy Long walks out to meet the two men in the middle of the field as the cheering of the fans fills the arena, echoing back and forth as they cheer in appreciation of the SJL Champion and a great former champion. Axis: Listen to the ovation for these two men King! King: Its good to see Crow back in the SJL Axis, even if it’s only for one night. You can bet that the Antichrist Superstar intends to leave another lasting mark on the fans tonight. Axis: I’m sure he does King, and where better than at Wrathpalooza! Charlie Matthews holds the belt high in the air much to the approval of the fans before he lowers it and hands it over to referee Eddy Long for safe keeping during the match. Crow takes one last drag on his cigarette before dropping it onto the grass and grinding it out beneath his heel as the arena lights suddenly shut off, plunging the building into darkness. The fans continue to cheer as a graveyard bell begins to toll mournfully, many hold up cigarette lighters, creating a star field of little flickering lights all around the arena. “Are you scared?” “He’s here…..” Red alert lights flash all around the arena as smoke boils up all around the entranceway, Dark Funeral’s “Arrival Of Satan’s Empire” erupts through the speakers as a blood red spotlight snaps on, the line of red light arcing down all the way from the roof and highlighting a huge figure in the middle of the smoke. The Black Angel slowly walks out of the coiling plumes of smoke the spotlight flickering as he moves across the grass, flickering on and off as he move, a different emotion crossing his face every time the light flickers. Aecas strides towards his two erstwhile opponents as Funyon raises the microphone to his lips once again. Funyon: And the challenger! From Shrewsbury, England! Weighing in at 315lbs. The Black Angel! Aecas! Axis: And there he is! The last time Matthews and Aecas met they fought one another almost to a standstill, who knows what will happen with Crow and Va’aiga mixed into this match! King: It’s going to be a war Axis, but this time the stakes are much higher with the World Title on the line. If Aecas can pull off a win here it’ll be a huge upset, especially considering Charlie Matthews’ record in the SJL. Virtually undefeated in his career thus far and he’s already beaten Aecas once, the plant freak is definitely the underdog in this match Axis. Axis: He may be an underdog King, but he’s got some serious backup with him tonight, with Va’aiga seconding him. Aecas walks across the field until he is almost toe-to-toe with Charlie Matthews and Crow, Eddy Long quickly interposes himself between the three men determined to not let the action start until all the factors in this match have been assembled. Aecas’ dead eyes bore into Long briefly before he looks past him at Charlie Matthews, The Grappler returning that chilling gaze calmly before giving a small nod to his opponent. Aecas’ head inclines slightly as he acknowledges Matthews, both men sizing each other up once again as his music slowly fades away to be replaced with “Bring The Pain” by The Method Man. Red strobe lights begin to flicker all around the entranceway as Va’aiga appears at the entranceway clad in a hooded training top, he stands stock still for a moment before starting to walk across the grass towards the three other men in the match up. Va’aiga keeps his hands up in a boxer’s ready pose, throwing a few phantom jabs at the air, seemingly oblivious to the cheers of the fans as the hood hides his features. Funyon: And, weighing 285lbs, from Rotorua, Aotearoa. The SWF Hardcore Games Champion! The Maori Baddass! Va’aiga! Va’aiga finally stops as he reaches Aecas’ side, he raises his hands and rolls down the hood of his training top, revealing an angry scowl as he glares at Crow, bad blood still very evident between them. He slowly raises his arms to the crowd, getting another loud pop before dragging off his training top, revealing the gleaming gold of the Hardcore Games Title around his waist. Va’aiga slowly unstraps the golden skull belt from his waits handing it over to Eddy long without ever taking his eyes off of Crow, all four men are biting at the bit as they wait for Eddy Long to start the match. Axis: There’s some nasty looks being exchanged here King. King: You can practically feel the tension rising in the arena right now Axis, even these fans can sense it. A sudden pregnant hush fills the arena as the lights come back up, and the music stops. Eddy Long looks at each of the four men before raising a hand up high and signalling for the timekeeper to ring the bell, and ring it does a microphone augmenting the sound and echoing it around the arena. DING! DING! DING!!!!!! Eddy Long quickly backs away a few paces as the four men slam into each other, a full on fist fight starting off the match as Crow and Va’aiga g for each others throats while Aecas and Matthews exchange powerful right hands, neither man giving any ground. Crow absorbs two walloping shots from Va’aiga before ducking under a third huge right hand nailing Va’aiga in the stomach with a hard boot, doubling the big Maori over. Crow quickly wraps an arm around Va’aiga’s neck and dropping all of his weight straight south DDT’ing the big man onto the grass! Axis: DDT by Crow! And on the hard ground as well! That’s a big opener for this fight King! King: Va’aiga’s taken worse than that Axis, but Matthews and Crow have got Aecas on his own and they’ve got a few seconds to work that into an advantage. Aecas doesn’t notice the sudden quick exchange between Crow and Va’aiga, nor the fact that he is suddenly on his own with Matthews and Crow. The Grappler blocks a right hand by Aecas as Crow steps in behind the giant circling his arms around Aecas’ waist in a tight waist lock. Before the Black Angel can break free of the hold Matthews takes the initiative, surging forwards and hitting Aecas with a huge Lariat across the throat, Crow uses the sheer momentum of Matthew’s blow to his advantage slamming Aecas’ back and head into the ground with a devastating German Suplex. Axis: Wow! Nice team work by Matthews and Crow there King! Aecas never even knew what hit him! King: And its gotta feel pretty bad on that hard ground Axis, these guys should try to get off the pitch, the only problem is that ground is a lot softer than any other surface around here! Axis: There may well be injuries in this match King, there’s no doubt of that. But right now Matthews and Crow hold the advantage; both their opponents are down for the moment now they have to make some quick decisions. Matthews and Crow o indeed seem to have some kind of game plan for the match tonight, both men totally ignore the prone Va’aiga and drag Aecas’ back up to his feet, hammering away at the Black Angel as they start to drive him across the pitch, not letting him find his feet as they slams their fists into his face and body again…and again… Aecas tries to fight back as he sends Crow reeling with a solid left hook to the jaw, slapping his huge right hand around Matthew’s throat as he tries for a Chokeslam. Aecas tosses Matthew’s right arm over his shoulder and is about to haul the Grappler up when Crow comes storming back in foiling that plan with a stiff Das Wunder kick to the ribs. The Antichrist Superstar quickly follows up with another slicing kick driving Aecas backwards yet again… Va’aiga meanwhile has regained his feet shaking his head and glancing in the direction of the other three men in this match, the fans are on their feet eyes fixed on the competitors and the hastily erected viewing screens displaying the action. The fans are divided with their cheers and support, all four men getting an equal amount of loud cheers as they brawl across the pitch, the Va’aiga fans among the audience start to get particularly vocal as the Maori Baddass takes off at a sprint for the other three men in the match up. Eddy long leaps out of the way as Va’aiga piles into the other three men, taking Mathews and Crow down with a hard double Clothesline to the back of their heads, all three men falling down in an untidy heap. Aecas is finally able to orient himself once more and grabs Crow by the hair dragging the Antichrist Superstar up and starting to herd him towards the pitch dugouts once more. As soon as he gets close enough Aecas grabs Crow’s right arm and Irish Whips his erstwhile opponent towards the dugouts sending him flying into the pit and crashing against the benches, Aecas tries to capitalise as he charges into the dugout after the Antichrist Superstar. Crow still has enough time to duck out of the way as Aecas’ huge New Rock Goth boot thumps into the wall where his head was a split second ago. Rolling out of the way of the big foot Crow retaliates by bringing his arm up hard between Aecas’ legs, making the giant roar out in pain and stagger back, hands instinctively going to his crotch. Grabbing a handily placed steel chair Crow drives Aecas backwards with several crushing blows to the head, cracking the steel chair off of the Black Angels head again and again, staggering the giant and driving him back but not knocking him down. Crow brings the already badly damaged chair back for another shot but finds the weapon yanked from his grasp into the even more deadly clutches of the very irate Va’aiga who wastes no time in turning around and dropping Charlie Matthews with a VICIOUS chair shot to the head. The Grappler goes down hard on the concrete as Va’aiga turns back to Crow, raising the chair once more but taking a nasty Das Wunder kick to the face for his troubles. The Maori Baddass reels backwards from the kick but keeps hold of the chair as a pair of huge arms wrap around Crow’s waist, holding him tightly as he struggles and tries to thrust a leg backwards for a low blow. Aecas’ keeps his own legs closer together, blocking the attempted shot and dragging Crow backwards forcibly dragging him around and throwing him through the door to the locker room, the Black Angel disappears after his antagonist as Va’aiga turns his attention back to the fallen Charlie Matthews. Axis: Things are already starting to hot up here King! Weapons have already become a factor in this match and I think we’ll be seeing a lot more of them as this fight progresses! King: That’s all this is going to be Axis, a fight, a brawl. Whatever you want to call it only one person is going to be walking out of here the champion, but right now Aecas and Matthews are both paired off with the wrong opponent, they should be focusing on each other trying to get the pinfall as early as possible. Axis: Well we can see Va’aiga and Charlie Matthews but where the hell did Aecas and Crow go? Va’aiga brings the chair down once more on the prone anatomy of Charlie Matthews, before tossing aside the now malformed and badly bent metal and stooping down to grab The Grappler and drag him back up to his feet. The Maori Baddass tries to Irish Whip Matthews but even dazed The Grappler’s strength still prevails and he reverses the attempted whip, and it is Va’aiga who goes flying through the door to the locker room, almost taking it off his hinges as he crashes into the room beyond. Matthews follows his adversary one hand on his head rubbing the flesh from the hard chair shot he received as Eddy long follows the two men, both the SJL World Title and the Hardcore Games title in his arms, trying to keep up with the combatants. King: Now they’re all gone! Axis: Can we get a camera back there? What the hell going on? Abruptly the cameras switch to the backstage areas of the arena, just in time to catch Aecas returning Crow’s earlier favour as he dents a second steel chair over the Antichrist Superstars head, Crow sags slightly under the blow as Aecas drops the chair onto the concrete floor. The Black Angel drags Crow over the chair keeping him doubled over before slowly underhooking both of his arms, he pauses for a moment before jumping upwards and slamming Crow’s face into the steel chair with a Double Arm DDT! Axis: What an impact! But it looked like Aecas may have hurt himself King! King: What are you expecting Axis! That’s concrete out there! There’s no easy way to fall down on it! Aecas starts to get back up to his feet but is slammed right back down to the concrete as Charlie Matthews charges in, planting his boot directly in the Black Angel’s face with a thunderous Yakuza Kick. Matthews wastes no time in dropping down on top of Aecas as he lays on the cold concrete, hooking a leg as Eddy Long rushes over and makes the count, his hand slapping on the bare floor. ONE!!!!! … … TWO!!!!! … … … KICKOUT!!!! Aecas’ shoulder shoots off of the hard floor before Long can count to three, the force of the Kickout rolling Matthews off of him. The Grappler is quickly back on his feet blocking a furious punch from a returning Va’aiga, the angry Maori responds in turn and soon the two are engaged in a furious brawl, fists fly and they shove one another into the walls, tables, and equipment cabinets that line the corridor. Axis: Close call from Charlie Matthews there King. King: Don’t expect to see too many Pinfalls in this match up Axis, this is a war of attrition and nothing more, only the last man standing is going to take the title here. Crow slowly makes his way back up to his feet, a small trickle of blood oozing from a cut in his forehead, an angry grimace spreads over his face as he pushes himself back up and closes in with the two brawling Superstars, Va’aiga now unwittingly in the same position Aecas was in a minute ago. The Maori Baddass arches his back as Crow hammers a sharp blow into his kidneys as Matthews snaps his head back with a sharp blow to the chin. But Va’aiga is no pushover, wincing at the next kidney shot from Crow, he blocks another attempted punch from Charlie Matthews, kicking him sharply in the gut before ramming the hard bone of his elbow into the back of The Grappler’s head. The Maori Baddass turns away from Matthews and focuses on his SJL nemesis, he rolls with Crow’s next punch before his left hand snaps out as fast as a snake, the left hook staggers the Antichrist Superstar, Va’aiga follows up with another left hook…and another…before kissing his right fist and lifting Crow up onto tip toes for a brief second with a massive uppercut. Crow slumps back against a wall as he tries to clear his head from that dizzying punch combo, but before Va’aiga can act further, Matthews jumps him from behind once again, The Grappler finally getting his hands dirty as he smacks a steel chair into the meat of Va’aiga’s back. The Maori Baddass arches his back once again turning slightly as Matthews’ next shot catches him square on the forehead, tumbling him onto an equipment table at one side of the corridor. Matthews tosses the chair away with a clatter as he climbs up onto the table, slowly dragging Va’aiga up to his feet on the table. Shoving the Maori’s head between his legs, Matthews leans forwards grabbing the waist of Va’aiga’s tights he leans backwards and sits out sending Va'aiga head first through the heavy table with a nasty Pulling Piledriver! Axis: What a move by Charlie Matthews! That took Va’aiga’s head through the table and all the way down onto the concrete! King: If Va’aiga were properly involved in this match Axis that could have been the end of it right there. As it stands they still need to get the better of Aecas, but two on one is rarely ever good odds. The camera swivels around to where Aecas had been laying only to find him gone and a door left ajar nearby, Crow sees this too and starts to walk towards the door as Matthews struggles to extricate himself from the wreckage of both Va’aiga and the equipment table. Crow pauses in front of the door for a brief second before kicking it in and rushing into the room only to be brought down as Aecas smacks his straight in the head with a cricket bat! Crow goes down like a sack of brick clutching at his now very bloody head, the camera shifts up as Aecas lifts the bat once more and brings it down on top of Crow’s helpless body twice more, opening up yet more gashes as the viewers get a good look at the surface of the weapon. Axis: That bat’s covered in broken glass! My GOD King can you imagine what that must feel like?! King: No I can’t Axis, and frankly I don’t want to! Aecas steps out of the doorway and over the prone and by now very badly bleeding body of Crow, hefting the cricket bat in one hand as he looks down the corridor at Charlie Matthews who pauses as he sees the weapon and the carnage it wreaked on his partner. Looking around quickly Matthews stops and picks up the chair he used earlier, figuring its his best chance against that lethal bat, both men look at one another for a moment before charging down the length of the corridor at one another weapons raised and ready. Charlie Matthews barely ducks under a huge swing with the bat, that would have surely taken his head off, Aecas turns around quickly, but not quickly enough to avoid the chair that rams into his gut. Matthews quickly raises the chair upwards above his head before cracking it down onto the back of Aecas’ head, dropping the big man down to his knees, a second hard shot slumps the giant back down to the ground. The Grappler slowly rolls his opponent over, covering him with a second lateral press as Eddy long who has been wisely staying out of the way up to this point once again moves in for the count. ONE!!!! … … TWO!!!!! … … TWO AND A HALF!!!!! … … THREEEE-NO!!!!!! At the last possible moment Aecas reacts, not by kicking out, but by bringing the cricket bat and its lethal cargo down across Charlie Matthews’ back, The Grappler cries out in pain as the glass cuts into the skin of his back half rolling off of Aecas as the Black Angel brings the bat back for another blow. Matthews desperately catches the bat around the handle straining against Aecas to keep the bat away from his body, the Black Angel slowly forces Matthews over onto his back, switching the predicament around as he slowly forces the bat down towards the Grappler’s face. Eddy Long seeing that Matthew’s shoulders are also touching the floor once again starts to count. ONE!!!! … … TWO!!!!! … … Matthews strains against Aecas, faced with the unenviable choice of losing his title or being mutilated by the grinning psychopath on top of him. TWO AND A HALF!!!!! … … TWO AND THREE QUARTERS!!!! … … … … THREEEEEE!!!!…………NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At the last possible second a baseball bat cracks into Aecas’ back, forcing him to release the pressure on Matthews, a second blow sends the Black Angel reeling backwards As Crow leans down and drags The Grappler back up to his feet, both men limping away from Aecas and Va’aiga trying to regroup and plan an attack to finish the deadly pair off. Va’aiga slowly stirs and starts to drag himself out of the wreckage of the table as Aecas sits up slowly, getting his feet under him and pushing himself back up to his feet, using the cricket bat as a makeshift cane. He grabs Va’aiga by an arm and helps his partner back up to his feet and the two of them start to follow the trail of blood left by Crow and Charlie Matthews as the chanting of the fans gets louder and louder, starting to shake the foundations of the building as they sense the end is near. Axis: Where could these men be headed now King? King: I’ve no idea Axis, but Matthews and Crow are being smart, trying to regroup here and work out how to finish off their opponents here. Axis: Unfortunately Aecas and Va’aiga can find them easily with all that blood marking the way. Sure enough Aecas and Va’aiga follow the spatters of blood, their pace getting quicker and quicker as they strive to catch up to their opponents before they can formulate a plan. Rounding a corner they see that they are already too late as they arrive in a small motor pool. An engine revs loudly and the camera swings from Aecas and Va’aiga to reveal Crow in the driving seat of one of the security buggies with Matthews perched in the back, one hand hanging on to buggy, while the other clutches a black baseball bat. Crow looks over at Aecas and Va’aiga before revving the cart a second time and the cart jumps forwards, roaring out of the motor pool and back onto the pitch to the appreciative cheers of the fans. The camera swings back to Aecas and Va’aiga who share a look before rushing for the nearest cart, Va’aiga squeezing himself into the drivers seat as Aecas grabs a small sack from the floor before he jumps on the back, making the cart rock alarmingly as the Maori Baddass starts the vehicle up, and they roar off onto the pitch after their opponents. Axis: They’re using golf carts now?! King: Who the hell left those things unattended!? This is starting to look like a low budget Mad Max remake! Both carts roar out onto the field, the arena cameras tracking them slowly paying no attention to the small panting figure of Eddy Long desperately chasing after the competitors while weighed down with the gold of two title belts. Charles Matthews looks around at the fans in the arena as he and Crow speed out across the pitch, the cart swerving as Crow tries to wipe the blood from his eyes, the Grappler looks back and hammers on the top of the cart to attract Crow’s attention yelling over the roar of the crowd as he see the second buggy closing in behind them. Crow twists around in the drivers seat and slams a foot on the brake pedal purposely slowing the cart down as they careen around the baseballs pitch, Va’aiga stamps down on the accelerator and slowly the two carts draw alongside one another Charlie Matthews and Aecas glaring at one another as each man hefts his weapon, baseball bat against cricket bat, an ironic confrontation of British against American sport. The carts move towards each other and impact with an audible crash, Aecas swings the cricket bat one handed at Matthews, who barely manages to get the baseball bat up to block it. Both men strive against one another before lurching back, the bat crashing against one another again and again as The Grappler and the Black Angel fight it out leaning across the carts in an attempt to topple one another from the fast moving vehicles. He buggies swerve, narrowly avoiding one of the stadium walls as they head back out onto the pitch, careening towards the pitchers mound, Va’aiga turns hard to keep up with the opposing cart, the sudden swerve robbing Aecas of his balance. Matthews takes advantage slamming his baseball bat down onto Aecas’ shoulder, the cricket bat suddenly falling from nerveless fingers to he fast moving grass below as a spasm rocks the Black Angel’s right arm, and he slumps back against the rear of the buggy. Axis: Aecas just lost his bat! And they’re still racing around the pitch on those carts! I’m getting a very bad feeling about this King! King: I never thought I’d see anything like this Axis, at those kind of speeds we can only guess what might happen. Aecas ducks under another hard blow from Mathews, the baseball bat smacking off of the roof of the cart as Aecas ducks down and grabs the bag he seized earlier, ripping it open and shoving his hand inside it. Matthews swings the bat down hard and Aecas is forced to throw himself out of the way, almost falling out of the cart in the process, so close is he to hitting the ground that some of the fans are on their feet and screaming with shock but unable to turn away as they watch the conflict unfold. The Black Angel forcibly drags himself back onto the cart his hand going into the bag once more and coming out gripping a small object, a huge pop rises from the arena as Aecas hefts a potted plant in his right hand slowly moving back up to his feet. King: Dammit Axis, somebody has got to take this man to a shrink! What the hell is his fascination with plants?! Axis: I wish I knew King but you can’t argue with success…and it’s popular with the fans… King: The fans know nothing Axis! I thought you knew that by now! Matthews tries to keep Aecas at bay with wild swings of the baseball bat, forcing Aecas to keep his distance as the carts roar ever closer to the pitchers mound. Aecas finally makes his move just after the bat flashes past his face, leaping at The Grappler as he jumps the distance between the two carts, barrelling into his opponent as Va’aiga veers of slightly, leaving the two men locked together on the remaining cart. The Black Angel and The Grappler once again pit their strength against one another each trying to incapacitate his enemy’s weapon arm. Crow looks back momentarily to see what is happening and the motion almost costs him dear as Va’aiga chooses that moment to send the carts crashing together for a second time, bringing him close enough to lash out at Crow. Matthews and Aecas struggle to keep their balance as Crow ducks aside from the Maori’s punch before trying to respond with one of his own, both carts weaving wildly as the two men battle to keep control of the vehicles and distract their opponent enough to force a crash. Aecas finally regains the upper hand with a vicious head BUTT that cracks against Matthews’ forehead, staggering The Grappler and giving Aecas ample time to shove his opponent off of the cart and onto the grass! Fortunately for Matthews the ducking and weaving of the two vehicles seriously reduced their speed, but even so The Grappler lands hard on the pitch, craning his head back after a few moments to see what becomes of his opponent. Axis: Matthews has been tossed out! He’s lucky those carts had slowed down or he’d be a red streak on the pitch! King: And now Aecas is all alone with Crow and the Antichrist Superstar can’t see him! Aecas grabs the roof of the buggy before leaning down and forwards suddenly appearing right next to Crow, that psychotic grin still stamped on his face as he gleefully smashes the pot plant into his opponents face, blinding Crow with a stinging combination of soil and his own blood. Crow’s hands leave the wheel entirely as he instinctively tries to clear his vision of the painful muck. Aecas holds on as the cart swerves wildly before it finally hits the pitchers mound, the cart leaving the ground briefly before slamming back down at an angle into the pitch, Aecas is thrown from the vehicle as it bounces off of the ground. The Black Angel sails through the air hitting the ground with a sickening thud and laying there unmoving as cries of shock go up from the fans and Axis and the Suicide King alike. Axis: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD THAT COULD HAVE KILLED HIM! King: That is one of the most unbelievable things I’ve ever seen! But Aecas brought this upon himself Axis! It’s all his own fault! Axis: How can you say that?! King Think about it you idiot. He smashed Crow in the head with that pot plant, KNOWING what might happen. Plus 10 points for bravery but minus several million for good thinking. Va’aiga’s cart pulls to a stop at the scene as Crow slowly begins to crawl out of the overturned buggy, seemingly none the worse for wear due to the body of the vehicle protecting him. Va’aiga turns as he catches movement in the corner of his eye, but only sees a gasping Eddy Long as the referee finally catches up to the competitors once more. The Maori Badass begins to turn away but snaps around when he hears the sound of running feet, turning straight into a HUGE Lariat as Charlie Matthews hits him with the force of a freight train. The big Maori goes down HARD from the impact, almost turning himself inside out as he thuds down onto the grass. Axis: UP IN FLAMES! Va’aiga’s out cold! And Aecas is down! This could be it right here King! King: Aecas’ partner is down and out and so is the Black Angel himself! All Matthews has to do is hook the leg and this one is over! Crow finally extricates himself from the overturned buggy, slumping against the wrecked vehicle as he sits on the third base slowly cleaning the bloody mud from his eyes as Matthews moves over to his fallen opponent, who by a strange twist of fate lays prone on the home plate. Matthews falls to his knees and covers Aecas one final time as Eddy Long drops the belts and counts the pinfall. ONE!!!!!!! … … TWO!!!!! … … TWO AND A HALF!!!!! … … … … TWO AND THREE QUARTERS!!!!!! … … … … … THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! King: Unbelievable! He got a shoulder up! Axis: He kicked out! My GOD he kicked out! I can’t believe it! Neither can Charlie Matthews, who rears back up onto his knees an incredulous look passing over his face for a moment before he doggedly climbs back up to his feet dragging Aecas up with him, The Grappler raises a hand for a hard punch but gasps in pain as Aecas’ meaty forearm hammers him squarely in the crotch. Matthews bends over as Aecas slowly stands back upright, tottering on his feet for a moment before slowly drawing a thumb across his throat, that simple signal sends the crowd ballistic, a torrent of cheers and boos swamping the entire Arena as Aecas shoves Matthews’ head between his legs. The Black Angel leans forwards, wrapping his arms around Matthews’ waist before heaving him upright to his shoulders for a Powerbomb but letting Matthews drop backwards so he hangs upside down in Aecas’ grip. The Black Angel pauses for a brief moment before he jumps up into the air, spinning around and landing on his knees, DRIVING MATTHEWS’ HEAD INTO THE HOME PLATE!!!!! Axis: Executioner!!!!! Onto the Home Plate!!!! King: He’s got a leg hooked! ONE!!!!!!! … … Crow hears the referee counting and swipes the blood from his eyes, desperately running towards the home plate from third base. TWO!!!!!!! … … … … TWO AND A HALF!!!!!!!! … … … … TWO AND THREE QUARTERS!!!!! … … … Crow dives for third base, feet first in a picture perfect baseball slide as Eddy Long’s hand comes down…. … … THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! …but breaks the pinfall a fraction of a second too late as Long’s hand hits the grass for the final time. DING! DING! DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Funyon: The winner of the match! And the NEW! SJL WORLD CHAMPION! THE BLACK ANGEL!!!!!!!!! AEEEEECAAAAAAASSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The stadium erupts into cheers as Eddy Long presents the bruised and battered Aecas with his prize, the Black Angel slowly standing up and holding the belt high into the air to the approval of the crowd as EMT’s begging to stream towards the carnage on the pitch. Dark Funeral’s “Arrival Of Satan’s Empire fights for dominance with the cheering of the fans as Aecas slowly walks away from the home plate and his devastated opponent, holding the belt high all the way. As he reaches the backstage entrance he slowly turns, hefting the belt one last time, his face twisted with anger and savage joy as he roars out inarticulate words to the crowd before slowly turning and disappearing into the darkness backstage. Axis: What a fight that was King, and a double victory for Aecas tonight, taking the SJL World Title and beating Charlie Matthews! A feat that few can claim! King: save the pretty speeches for later Axis, this isn’t over yet! The Suicide King shouts out his last words as the cameras switch back to the pitch as four men run onto the pitch from the backstage area, all of them bearing a weapon of some sort, from steel chairs to baseballs bats to Kendo Sticks, all four making a direct beeline for the fallen champion. Charlie Matthews is not even given a chance to get up as the four men starts to smash into him with their weapons, the cheers of the crowd changing to thunderous boos at=s The Grappler is brutally assaulted by four men. Axis: Wait a minute! There’s John Duran! And the English Dragon! And Korgath and Scott Solomon! What the hell is going on here! King: It s a good old fashioned beat down is what Axis! There’s a new force rising in the SJL! And John Duran is at its head! Duran tosses his steel chair onto the broken body of Charlie Matthews and contemptuously spits on him, before signalling to the others, all four men turning as one and leaving the arena through a wave of sheer hatred from the fans. Axis: Duran and his cronies have beaten Charlie Matthews to a bloody pulp! The war between the Grappler and The Sinner just took another swerve! Who’s going to survive this! Tune in to Crimson to find out! This is Axis and the Suicide king signing off from Wrathpalooza! Goodnight! The last shot of the show is a battered and beaten Charlie Matthews glaring at Duran’s back as his nemesis calmly walks away. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Renegade Report post Posted July 14, 2003 Dillon isnt around so he told me to post his match if it lost so here it is. He said it first went over 1k so he had to edit it down to this: (The camera revives back to life and swirls around the busy Mall of America while shoppers and tourists bustle in and out of the humongous shopping center. With many floors of coordinated chaos with almost endless potential of shenanigans and chaos- it makes the perfect candidate for the SJL to invade! The camera slowly enters inside of the building right away, where confused shoppers move away and the camera settles on a rather abandoned space. The five story spiraling by an oval shape to avoid interfering with the indoor amusement park, Camp Snoopy complete with oversized Snoopy balloon figure, and people hastily walk around with shopping bags to lug around. But at the not as crowded area reveals four SJL superstars, well three superstars and one notorious man). “Welcome back to our extravagant, explosive, exciting Wrathapalooza! Though we’ve had much action and even more fun, we are to what could be match of the century!” Axis begins. King cuts him off. “Well, only if Tim Dillon and Danny Conklin fall off the top floor with Cutthroat and they all splat.” “Well, Mall Brawl’s original and following chapters have only gotten crazier and crazier. I mean, hey, this is usually liable for getting us banned on most local channels!” Though the fans aren’t able to see it, Axis is beaming with pride. “Actually, our brutality is what brought us to resorting to Ash’s palace in the first Wrathapalooza, come to think of it.” He recalls. “Featured such great matches, Renegade beats CIA in Hell in a Swimming Pool, Sound World Order beat IL to a pulp, I mean, the fun was endless.” King has a flash back. “You’re never ever biased.” Axis snips. “Anyway, both we got off topic. This is the exclusive ‘Mall Brawl.’ The general idea is we let our workers run wild in this insane match up and we let the chaos freely happen. But there is a catch, the winner is however finds the balloon with the winning golden ticket! This year we have a very well thought out plan- we have cameras in nearly every nick and crack… not to mention we bribed security officers to patch the store cameras to our system, just in case our cameramen aren’t in the area! Not to mention referees are patrolling like DNR men at the Mexican borderline, just to be there to witness the winner!” Axis explains. King looks at his mini-TV and mutters a count back in the arena. “Axis, aren’t there supposed to be five wrestlers?” Axis nods then looks at his own monitor. “Oh…” The fans are oblivious to the rush to find the missing workers as the fans count all at home. “Where are Danny Conklin and Tim Dillon?” Axis questions. But the camera holds steady on the picture of Bloodshed, Michael Lockwood, and Cutthroat all standing around- obviously not objecting to the two Irishmen who are missing. Matthew Kivell shrugs and then mutters the rules to the opponents. Matthew gives a drop of a raised arm and the three men stand there, looking uncertain what to do. Kivell gives an odd look, doing a more obvious “go” motion. Michael and Bloodshed both turn around, seeing Cutthroat grinning and determined to win. Within seconds the action begins as the tweener and heel begin a vicious beat down on CT! Cutthroat then responds back with a vicious, powerful, FAST AS LIGHTNING Razor punch… which only causes Bloodshed’s head to whip back. Lockwood lunges in, grabbing CT’s blonde hair as he simply tosses him against the nearest wall. With Cutthroat out of the way the two opponents part ways, hoping to find the ticket before anything too wild takes place. The persistent Cutthroat however leaps up glancing around, as if expecting an autograph request and he, too, runs in search of the balloon. At this very time the screen splits into halves, not thirds since no one cares about the failure Cutthroat, revealing the other two competitors on their search for the golden ticket. Kind of like Willy Wonka, but without a great award, and with added pain and awkward and somewhat degrading situations. The left half reveals Bloodshed, in his usual black and red tights, black boots, black gloves, and the hair that hangs over his face. Bloodshed slowly glances around, as if taken aback at the size of this place and wondering how the hell he’ll find the ticket. On the right side shows the snotty Harvard graduate- Michael Lockwood. Michael, the would be teen heartthrob, with blonde hair and diaper attire also sprints around. Unaware that Cutthroat is charging right behind him. “Where are Tim and Danny?” Suddenly on both sides of the screen each opponent can be seen, all three accidentally merging together near the entrance of Camp Snoop! The three immediately erupt in exchanging right hands, and Cutthroat takes taken back. But he sees a potential weapon in a little kid’s hands! CT lunges at the little kid, hoping to grab the kid’s replica sword, but this little kid is a tough sod. He throws out a kick right to Cutthroat’s shin and tops it off with a swing of the sword at Cutthroat’s arm! While CT gets pounded on, Bloodshed and Michael brawl through the entrance! “Well, I got my money on the little kid.” King taunts. The two competitors enter into the amusement park where parents violently tug their children out of harm’s way, and the camera pauses to catch an interesting sight. Ted Flink stands next to HamSauce! HamSauce nervously steps onto the scale, causing the scale to break and the employee who was supposed to predict the weight gives a face of shock. Ted snickers as HamSauce snatches the cheap, stuffed animal from the man as his prize and the two stroll off. If only bewilderment could have a defining sound, because that sound would be rather deafening. “Sadly, I’ve seen weirder.” Axis mutters. King agrees, “ML Dance off.” Those three words bring back memories, mostly of skateboards, flash and panache, and manatees… oh, and the Clan dressed like Grease. While the two former wrestlers walk into the distance, as HamSauce gives Ted Flink the pink, fluffy bunny, and the two hold hands and skip away. “Nix that, NOW I’ve seen everything.” Axis says, pounding his head on the desk. Bloodshed and Michael both pause, disturbed, but then the two collide in a grapple! Lockwood’s arm grab chunks of Bloodshed’s hair and Michael is able to chuck Bloodshed right into the guardrail of a line for the ride! Bloodshed hits the barricade and flops into the ride line, pissing off many kids. “No cutting!” Majority of them protest, while a cute and cuddly little four-year-old girl worms her way up to Bloodshed. She looks at him with huge baby blue eyes, removing the cherry flavored tootsie roll pop. She opens up her mouth with a smile- “Fuck you mister!” The cameraman attempts to get closer, but is bombarded by bitter kids who refuse to break their place in line. “Awwww, I bet that’s one of the many kids that I don’t have to pay child support for!” King says with an air of pride. The little girl then delivers a nasty Yakuza kick right into Bloodshed’s face, causing Bloodshed to bust open and blood squirts like a fountain! Axis cringe is almost, somehow, audible. “Nasty boo-boo.” He comments in a shaken voice. “He’s bleeding like a first timer!” King snorts. The little kids now squeal in terror as Bloodshed lives up to the name, he stands up and casually hops over the rail as if there wasn’t a crimson river streaming down his face. Even Michael has a look of fear mixed with condescending, somehow. (Hey, Harvard graduates have that talent). But before Michael can even move closer he’s startled by an anguished scream. The cameraman whirls around to watch Cutthroat grab his sore toes as the little kid sticks out his tongue in victory. But without warning the camera splits back into halves, revealing the fifth floor. There’s a focus on a bar, and the two missing wrestlers are spotted. Danny Conklin has a stagger to his step as he swings his beer glass, splashing Tim. Dillon’s arm is around Danny in half support yet half in a friendly way that only booze could make happen. The two are swinging their filled beer glasses, belting out “Danny Boy!” Danny takes the lead, “DANNY BOY! Oooohhh, Danny boy!” Tim gives out what could be perceived as giggle, and he joins in. Tim Dillon waves his way past the crowd and he dangerously hops onto the thin guardrail that keeps people from toppling into Camp Snoopy! There’s a collected sound of gasps, but with some fine balance and luck of the Irish- Tim takes a few steps singing incoherent lyrics as he hops down. “Well, it’s been nice drinking with ya’, now it’s time to fight ya’!” Tim throws up his arms in a Fighting Irish pose, Danny Conklin, noticeably more drunk, does the same sloppily. Danny throws out a wicked right that over-rides the obvious drunkenness as it hits Tim square in the jaw. Dillon responds with a right followed by a left jab and the two stop. Danny forces down vomit before noting, “Let’s go find the others ‘fore we fight. I mean, aren’t you asking to end the fighting?” Conklin ask, pointing to Dillon’s black and green font shirt. Tim gives the classic shifty eye look, wondering, as he jerks his head towards the back of his shirt. Like a dog chasing its own tail, Dillon tries to read the back of his shirt while spinning in circles. During this humorous act, Danny Conklin leaves Tim, stumbling down towards the fourth floor. “Yeah, now I’ve seen it all.” Axis mumbles. The other half of the screen sees Cutthroat being Irish whipped right into the empty roller coaster car, as the rides hums to life! But the sneaky Michael does a brilliant move, shoving Bloodshed into the same car! The two in the car struggle trying to leave the ride, but there’s no hope. Two acne stricken teenagers stare in disgust, watching a bleeding Bloodshed squirm on top of Cutthroat and groaning in pain. One teen’s audible comment to another is heard, “Are they doing what I think they’re doing…?” The ride suddenly goes to life and Lockwood leaves the Camp Snoopy area, desperate to find that golden ticket. The other half of the screen shows Dillon in pursuit of Conklin, whether in partnership or with malice intentions is unknown. The two go down the winding stairs, ignoring the perfectly good escalators only a few feet away. But Danny Conklin stops suddenly just a few steps from the third floor. He sees a blue balloon floating aimlessly, the Irishman begins to rush towards the balloon with high hopes. But a large mob of senior shoppers pass by, stopping Danny, who helplessly watches the balloon float away. “That’s isn’t necessarily the winning ticket.” Axis comments. The screen suddenly switches, revealing a shot at the base of the rollercoaster. People around the nation gasp, seeing Bloodshed and Cutthroat standing up and brawling! But Bloodshed overpowers Cutthroat and the fans all watch the action from above. “Jesus!” Axis cries out. The SJL officials below quickly lead people out of the way, like a Shepard moving his sheep from danger. The camera zooms in as close as it can, revealing Bloodshed having a waist lock on Cutthroat! In the very confined space there’s a millisecond where no one believes what’s about to happen! But the masochist Bloodshed arches his back over, tossing Cutthroat off the top off the rollercoaster, at it’s peak! Bloodshed nearly tumbles out too, but his head slams against the metal edge of the car, causing him to slump back into the ride! But the poor Cutthroat falls like a sack of potatoes and everyone who catches the sight in the mall of America nearly wets their pants. “…Oh my God…” Axis says, watching CT fall to what could be his death. Somewhere in the universe there is a power that likes, well, tolerates Cutthroat. Because G0R0 leaps from the fourth floor right into CT’s way, grabbing Cutthroat! The fans all sigh with somewhat relief, but G0R0 looks disappointed in his catch as if he was a fisherman who struggled to reel the fish in- only to have it be a tire. So G0R0 does the only logical thing to him- he throws Cutthroat down harshly, making a very disturbing “SPLAT” sound. G0R0 then gets his reward, grabbing a handful of little kids that he quickly devours. “I still think Edwin in drag was more disturbing to watch.” King comments, causing fans around the nation to cringe at that thought. SJL employees all swarm around Cutthroat. “HO-LY SHIT!” The chant is said so loud it could probably be heard from miles away back in the arena. The screen splits back to two, showing Bloodshed stumble off the ride as he hops over the safety rail. His fingers chip away the flaky blood as he catches sight of Michael Lockwood struggling to pop a balloon next to a “Victoria’s Secret.” Bloodshed paves his own path as the people stop to stare at the blood soaked SJL wrestler in awe and disgust. The cameraman rushes towards there, settling right next to Michael Lockwood. Bloodshed’s only a few feet away as the balloon gives away and a golden ticket floats to the ground. Lockwood bends over, allowing Bloodshed to hit a running dropkick right into Michael’s ass! Lockwood’s whole upper body crashes through the glass display case! Michael screams in pain as Bloodshed snatches the ticket off the ground. He reads it out loud to all the people just standing there, as if they know what the hell was going on. “Well, looks like Bloodshed takes this one…” Axis predicts. “Wait! There’s Tim and Danny!” King groans. The Irish connection grabs arms as they charge a few feet at Bloodshed and hit a vicious double clothesline! There’s a pause where the two are still holding arms and they stare right into each other eyes, seeing who makes the first move to the ticket. Tim scratches the back of his head, as if they were friends debating who gets the last slice of pizza. “You did drink more than I did…” Conklin nods, looking slightly pale in the face. “But you did pay the huge tab…” Dillon’s green eyes light up, “We’ll have a jig off!” Danny’s jaw drops, “But I can’t jig.” Tim laughs, “This is a Mall Brawl! Of course you can jig, anything can happen!” Conklin looks at Dillon nervously, “How about we have a drink off.” Danny hiccups. Meanwhile Michael Lockwood crawls right in between the two, grasping the ticket, ignoring the shards of glass now stuck inside of his flesh. “Congratulations!” He begins to read. The two Irishmen look pissed off. “You have won…” Lockwood pauses in utter confusion. “A free thong of your choice…” He finishes reading, his voice whimpering and the fans exploding in laughter. Tim Dillon and Danny Conklin both stare in amusement, as Conklin goes to nab the ticket but Dillon holds him back. “I’m really hoping Danny’s too drunk to register what just happened.” King points out. Bloodshed shocks the two Irishmen, grabbing a handful of hair and he chucks the two into Victoria’s Secret! The cameraman excitedly walks into the store where only fat women and old men reside. “No Heidi Klum, no supermodels? What type of world is this?” Axis protests. The opponents then split up, as Lockwood walks in, plucking glass shards. Tim slowly peaks his head over the top rack of a section of thongs, seeing Bloodshed searching for one of them. He slowly removes a black thong and puts one finger in the leg hole, drawing it back with the other hand… and… Axis acts as if Dillon just shot JFK, “HE FLINGS THE THONG LIKE A RUBBER BAND! HE HITS BLOODSHED RIGHT IN THE FACE!” Bloodshed’s head whips around towards Tim’s area. Dillon sprints over to the next rack, as Danny Conklin steals Dillon’s idea and shoots one right at Bloodshed also! Bloodshed whirls around as Tim takes aim and hits Bloodshed with another thong! Dillon then crawls over to the next rack, only to stop to see a pair of boots. He looks up as Michael, who’s snarling. Dillon wisely grabs the bottom of the pole that holds the rack of the thongs, as he yanks viciously at it and causes it to topple onto Lockwood! Bloodshed at this point could care less about Tim, as he charges at Danny, who continues to feebly fling thongs. Lockwood growls, shoving the rack out of his way as he grapples with Dillon! The two struggle, bumping into displays, panties, bras, and the works as they approach the back of the store. Horny men around the world watch in suspense as the two trips over a cord and tumble into the changing room! But the cameraman is afraid to go in, as he settles on Conklin and Bloodshed brawling! “Not fair!” King whines. But then the screen splits in half, as the black and white security camera hums to life, revealing the closed stalls. The two opponents brawl, but Tim gets the upper hand and smashes Michael’s face against one of the stall doors! There’s a protest from a female who pops her head, and a little more, out of the doorway only to scream. “I’ve always dreamed of this moment.” King nearly drools. Lockwood rebuttals with a nice kick right to Tim’s gut, and he tosses him into the only empty stall! Michael takes a few steps back, charging as fast as he can! But Tim hops onto the little bench and leaps off, wrapping his legs around Lockwood and he throws Michael into the flimsy wall to his right! He slams against the cheap wood wall, which actually falls over, revealing… …The zany, British Edwin MacPhisto with his face buried in a pair of panties! It takes a few seconds before he notices the busted down wall, and two SJL wrestlers toppled over at his feet staring in absolute shock. Edwin looks right up at the security camera, giving shifty eyes. “ZOINK!” He cries as he suddenly throws something down that creates a ball of smoke and Edwin disappears! “To think this was the only place I didn’t check when he left.” King mutters. Tim Dillon and Michael pause, coughing from the magical smoke, but the two begin to scramble to their feet. The camera switches back to the Victoria Secret where Bloodshed is getting clobbered on the counter! The drunken Conklin hops onto the completely glass check out counter, pulling up the freshly bleeding Bloodshed! “The guy truly does live up to the hype with all that blood.” Axis says with genuine respect. Axis sees what Danny is attempting, “Wait, oh Jesus!” Tim Dillon is suddenly seen in the background as the cameraman switches real quick to watch Lockwood Irish whip Tim completely out of the store! “Who cares about that? We’re about to see carnage!” King sounds like a five year old who didn’t get that precious red crayon. Danny Conklin hits a sloppy headlock thinking it’d be a snap flowing DDT but Bloodshed violently shoves his way out! He hits a brutal punch that sends Danny’s body twisting to the left and Bloodshed steps behind Danny, and his one arm wraps around his opponent’s waist. He then lifts the Irishman into the air at a particularly high angle and the come crashing down through all the glass! The glass sprays everywhere, even being rocketed towards the camera! Both man groan in pain and shards of glass shear their flesh. Employees, who never made a move to stop the brawl, stare in absolute bewilderment and interest. “S! J! L!” The chant repeatedly hollered back in the arena. “MY GOD! Backdrop through the glass!” Axis shouts in excitement, blood lust getting higher. The two workers just flop onto their stomachs slowly trying to get to their feet. But the camera splits back into halves, showing Tim Dillon, Michael Lockwood, and a barely moving Cutthroat all clashing in battle on the escalator! Dillon narrowly dodges a kick by leaping over the rail onto the neighboring escalator going downward. The cameraman then shows a familiar looking clown handing out balloons. Tim frantically attempts to charge up to the clown filled with high hopes. But there’s no luck, as he gains no distance while tourists laugh at Tim’s fruitless efforts. Michael Lockwood, understanding the concept of the escalator, charges up shoving people out of his way moving towards the clown! The cameraman’s panting is very audible, as the two SJL employees ascend to the top. The clown almost gives a look of fear, as he looks so damn familiar. “Is that who I think it is?” Axis slowly guesses. Finally on the right side of the screen it shows mucho movement, people jumping out of the way in horror while the two wrestlers are running into a hair salon, Conklin being harshly Irish whipped. The SJL wrestlers find themselves in middle of an overly crowded hair salon where the ladies are busily chatting and spreading juicy gossip. “I heard George Bush’s wife is cheating on him with Bill Clinton!” One woman says under a huge hair dryer with foils in her hair, as she glances up from a magazine. The other women gasp. One of the woman narrows her eyes and furrows her brows in a George Bush cowboy impression, “Bring ‘em on.” She imitates, causing all the women to laugh. Danny and Bloodshed both stop at the same time, wanting to get out of there quickly. But before they know it large breasted women shuffle them further into the store. The two give somewhat a defeated shrug, until their heads turn to a voice with a flamboyant tone to it. “Oh ladies, from what I’ve heard- GSMS’ wife is cheating on her with Suicide King.” There’s a collected gasp in the salon and arena. “…Um, King?” Axis asks. No comment is made. The camera goes down the line of women revealing two men joking around with foil in their hair. Their faces are soon identified. “Oh my God! That’s Spider Nekura and Christian Fury!” Axis shrieks in terror yet amusement. Axis is indeed correct, as the guys are looking particularly flamboyant and Christian Fury is holding a bright purple balloon! The two foes look at each other and there’s a mad sprint for the balloon, which Danny Conklin grabs and pops with a bite! But there’s no ticket and the two wrestlers sprint out of there in terror. But there’s a trailing snippy remark at the end, “So rude!” It switches back to show Cutthroat tumble down the escalator, Tim Dillon finally hopping back to the right side and sprinting upwards, and Michael Lockwood trying to tackle the clown for balloons. “Wait, oh great, another incoherent cameo!” Axis whines. The clown narrowly dodges the tackle, but as the camera zooms in it’s- Pauly Shore! “Hey man… haha, you want a doggie?” He asks, grabbing a balloon that seemingly has something in it! Lockwood sends a beautiful strike to Shore, giving him the chance to nab the balloon! He tears it with his fingers, only to watch a dime bag fall out! “…He’s a stoner? No way!” Axis acts truly surprised. Shore releases all the balloons, sprinting away from security in a humorous sight with huge clown shoes and other sized white gloves. Tim and Michael grab and destroy as many balloons possible, but with no luck. The two then vent their anger in clashing with strikes. Dillon ducks under a kick and then hits a wicked spear that sends Michael reeling back and stumbling back onto the downward escalator! But Lockwood scrambles to his feet, impressively leaping back up to the floor. Tim Dillon is already sprinting around as he stops, seeing a “Make Your Own Teddy Bear!” tourist attraction. He is struck with an idea, as he leaps into the shop, disappearing. The cameraman goes back to Lockwood who’s confronted by Cutthroat! Michael Lockwood grabs Cutthroat by his blonde hair and tosses him into “Only Seen On TV!” shop! The cameraman gives up, so the screen resorts to the security camera. In a loud pop from the crowd, Cutthroat tosses Michael through what seems to be glass. Lockwood crashes through but hops right back to his feet. An employee steps forward, “Oh, did you like our prop glass? Doesn’t hurt a bit!” Cutthroat gives a look of deep disappointment and he is suddenly bombarded by two suction cups on CT’s nipples and as Lockwood flips the switch with malice intent- “Oh Jesus! Cutthroat just got electrocuted by that thing-a-ma-jig!” Axis marks out. But the fans respond in jeers. The employee beams, “Ah yes, the nipple shocker… old Gestapo best seller, I’ll tell you that much!” Cutthroat then reaches behind him aimlessly, grabbing the awful, the dreaded, the… “…That’s the world’s softest pillow as seen late night on infomercials of this lovely station!” Axis gives a cheap plug. Cutthroat drops it, the shocking stopped as a cheap shot to Michael’s crotch gives him the chance to rip off the nipple cups. Cutthroat then whirls around; grabbing what appears to be a very big machete- he then swings it violently right at Lockwood who can’t move out of the way! But the machete only bounces off as the employee cracks up. “You guys are great- that sword is expertly made out of fabric! You ahead, feel… smoother than a baby’s BUTT!” Cutthroat only gets pissed off, grabbing Lockwood and tossing him into the pile of boxes, then delivering some stomps. CT storms around with the spare time, truly wanting to inflict as much pain that’s shooting through him. He pauses, turns on his heels and grabs a lava lamp that also has a disco ball inside of it. He charges at Lockwood, swooping down and hoping to deliver a rather fatal blow! But Lockwood only springs his foot upwards, causing the lamp to shatter and the very heated liquid to pour onto Cutthroat! Lockwood then kips up to his feet, hoping to deliver the final blow to Cutthroat. The screen suddenly, and for the first time, cuts into fourths but the fourth one dark- but it slowly hums to life. All that’s seen is a little body, a hand, an adult’s arm, a dark blue balloon and a rather short view of the Mall of America. “That’s right folks, the time is now to track down where the balloon is- with little adorable David! Everyone loves David!” Axis proclaims. The third screen shows a dashing Dillon, who stole a needle from the Teddy store, now popping every balloon in sight- coming off as a drunk want to be anarchist! But the second screen shows Bloodshed and Danny Conklin with Danny racing up some winding stairs with Bloodshed following behind! “This appears to be the home stretch of this classic match!” King says with sarcasm dripping. But the first screen calls the most attention, revealing Cutthroat in a grapple with Lockwood! But Michael only smashes CT’s head repeatedly against a steel statue of Bill Clinton with a plate engraved with “In whores we trust.” Cutthroat then sends an elbow to Michael and then smashes Lockwood’s head into the steel- and Cutthroat sprints off! Tim Dillon is seen sprinting right past the store and CT follows. The screen then switches to a jogging, winded cameraman. The fourth screen actually reveals Tim Dillon and Cutthroat coming right at him! “This should be it!” Axis cries with glee, rooting for Tim. The oval shaped second floor now has every single wrestler on it- Bloodshed and Conklin now racing towards David from behind! There’s a moment’s pause as suddenly the doors burst open and two drunken men stagger out, slamming into Bloodshed who trips and falls! Danny glances back, as if to laugh and he sees a stroller with a baby in it, puffing away at a Frost brand cigars (gee golly, they’re grand!) There’s a collected “Awwwww” at that sight. Conklin tries to leap over, as the mother leaps out of the way, but Danny’s shoe snags the top handle and he comes crashing down! The screen suddenly merges to one view, above the general vicinity of the wrestlers. “Here we go folks, like the end of every damn Disney movie that involves sports- it all comes down to this sprint, will, and determination!” Axis proclaims. Dillon lunges at the little kid, grabbing the balloon but it slides away from his grip! Tim stops to see the very attractive mother and he slowly gives his famous grin and an apology. Cutthroat snags fallen balloon with the ticket surely inside and sprints off in the other direction… “…CT won? …My life sucks!” Axis pounds his head on the desk. However Cutthroat runs straight into a clothesline by Michael! Now Tim is in hot pursuit of the sprinting Lockwood! But from above, as if god was Irish and favored Tim, bananas peel falls right in the stride of Michael! Lockwood falls and with all his momentum hits harshly on the floor, making a sound that gets everyone’s attention! The balloon slowly starts to float towards the ceiling, but Dillon leaps into the air, using Michael’s gut as a springboard, as he nabs the balloon! He then easily pops it with his needle and snatches the golden ticket! He falls to his knees; thankful this new level of Hell is over. “Tim’s done it! Dillon takes this win!” Axis cries out. Slowly the camera pans up to see who had tossed the banana peel- revealing a smiling The Elk! King protests as the screen fades to black, “Now that makes NO god damn sense!” Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Amazing Rando Report post Posted July 14, 2003 Dillon rules. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites