Guest WrestlingDeacon Report post Posted July 15, 2003 I picked up one of Tony Kornheiser's older books, Pumping Irony, awhile back and was flipping through it last night. In it is a chapter about how men will debate stupid sports matchups in all seriousness for hours on end. Like who would win a bowling match up, Chris Evert or Ty Cobb? Who would win a marathon, Carl Lewis or Refridgerator Perry on a moped. And they'll ask stupid questions to flesh out the scenario, like does the Fridge have extra gas for the moped or did he have lunch right before the race or is he going to be extra hungry to want to finish and get a sandwich. I thought I would test this theory by asking a question here, the primary one that Kornheiser talks about in the chapter. Who would win in a boxing match, Mike Tyson or Yogi Berra with a chainsaw? Debate at will. If this proves fun, I'll post more. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Vern Gagne Report post Posted July 15, 2003 Honestly this is news to me. I love talking about sports. But it's usually pretty basic stuff. Like best baseball player of all time, or football player of all time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest nl5xsk1 Report post Posted July 15, 2003 If the saw's already started and it's not one of those super-heavy Stihl ones, I've got my money on Yogi. It'd be easy to poke Tyson while he goes for a job, and a body shot would be enough to keep Tyson down. Not saying Berra wouldn't be KOed from the jab, but if both are down for the count, in my book the one that doesn't die is the winner. However, if Yogi can't start the chainsaw until the bell rings - or it's one of those wicked heavy ones - Tyson wins with a first round KO. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest WrestlingDeacon Report post Posted July 15, 2003 It's a small black and decker dealie. Like the kind chainsaw carvers use. Very lightweight. Yogi can't start it until the bell, but it's brand new and he could probably get it going with one pull. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest thetrendsetter Report post Posted July 15, 2003 What's the gase's octane? Regular, Supreme? what size is the ring? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest nl5xsk1 Report post Posted July 16, 2003 What's the length of the blade? If Tyson's arm is longer, then Yogi goes down in one punch. If the blade is longer than an arm (which I don't think it would be for those light B&D saws) then Yogi hacks the gut while Tyson goes for the punch and wins the fight. (nl5 cut down trees for a living right after college, so is using his vast chainsaw knowledge to aid his argument ... advantage, Burns) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest WrestlingDeacon Report post Posted July 16, 2003 (edited) Regular gas in the chainsaw, say 89 octane. The ring is standard boxing size The blade is only a foot long, again it's a small personal chainsaw, like what you would use on branches and such. Edited July 16, 2003 by WrestlingDeacon Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Choken One Report post Posted July 16, 2003 Yogi will get a cut in but remember Tyson has that thick skin and thus the blade will just lodge in his arm and that will pretty much kill Yogi's chances... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest JangoFett4Hire Report post Posted July 16, 2003 Is this pre or post prison/Islam Tyson? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest WrestlingDeacon Report post Posted July 16, 2003 I'll give my opinion. Yogi can't really stick and move, so his only hope is to cut into something vital on the first try. I say Tyson charges at the bell, Yogi goes to cut into the gut or maybe even the face, but Tyson dodges and lands a glancing jab to the side of the head. That's enough to knock Yogi off his game and Mike finishes with a one two combo less than 30 seconds into the first. If Yogi just goes on defense and hacks at the arm when Tyson goes for him, I say Mike takes a few small cuts, gets frustrated halfway through the second round, charges blindly, letting Yogi hack him straight in the gut for the win. I like the first scenario as Tyson's speed and ring generalship takes the day. JF4H-This is Tyson and Berra of right now today. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest nl5xsk1 Report post Posted July 16, 2003 I'm going with Yogi. The way I see it, Tyson charges at the bell, but Yogi gets the saw started before Iron Mike gets there, which stops Tyson in his tracks. They do a feeling out period where Tyson tries to jab without getting hacked, but Yogi jabs back, with the saw. Between his arm length and the extra foot or so of the saw, Yogi's got the reach advantage. So it'd only be a matter of time until Yogi got a good gut shot in. Entrails go streaming out, Tyson's arms go down to stop their escape, and Yogi hits the neck shot. Tyson's down for the count. Winner, by first round TKO, Yogi Berra w/ a chainsaw. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest JangoFett4Hire Report post Posted July 16, 2003 OH, modern day YOGI too? Well, he once said it ain't over til it's over, and it would be over for Berra after Tyson pummels him. Even with a chainsaw, he'd have little chance of keeping that thing steady, much less use it to cut off a limb... TYSON Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ripper Report post Posted July 16, 2003 It matters who swings first. If Yogi swings the saw first, it will probably be dodged and he will get knocked out. If Tyson swings first, Yogi MIGHT dodge and get the fight ending cut. But then again, Tyson is a pretty fast guy and I don't see Yogi having the reaction speed to dodge a Tyson punch. So I go with Tyson. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest razazteca Report post Posted July 16, 2003 BONZAI! Ditka vs Phil Jackson in a sausage eating contest? LA Clippers vs AND1 Mixtape team in a game of Rugby? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DrTom Report post Posted July 16, 2003 Yogi wins. All he has to do is hold the chainsaw in front of his midsection and torso, which forces Tyson to throw a head punch. Yogi can anticipate this and duck, then zap Tyson in the gut with the saw. One good cut and it's over. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites