Guest Nathan_Avara Report post Posted July 22, 2003 Hello smart mark wrestling community. Nathan Avara here with what will be (hopefully) a regular column here on the TSM Smarks Krew forum. Just going to tell you a little about mysef to kick things off. If you do not care stop reading now. Okay, I live in a small town, Lubbock, Texas. Which, to quote someone on the ROH forums is 'the biggest shit hole as far as wrestling goes.' All we've got out here is the occasional WWE house show. Well, back in the day we got a Thunder taping, but you get the point. I'm hoping to be a proffesional wrestler one of these days, and would like to enroll in the Texas Wrestling Academy in a few years. I'd like to wrestle for Ring of Honor one day if I can ever wrestle at the level as the guys up there. Well, living in Lubbock, I'm a Spurs fan so I'm not losing any sleep over Kobe's sexual harrassmant suit. All biases aside, he's a young celebrity and it's a definite possibility that the girl was drunk, and all over him. In wrestling news, Jeff Hardy was booed out of the building at the last RoH show. "Hogan's Better", "We Want Matt", "You Got Fired", "Go Home", and "Don't Come Back" chants filled the arena. I can't say as I'm feeling sorry for him, as his in-ring performance in his latter WWE days were nothing short of cluster f*cks, and the RoH faithful were just doing what the WWE's crowd should have been doing all along. In more indy news, one of the best tag teams on the independent circut (THE best in my opinion), The Briscoe Brothers have decided to take a break from pro wrestling to pursue a college education. That's right, the guys are very, very young. Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart are reprtedly trying to start the XWF up again. They did a show here in 2001, and it wasn't bad. Kid Kash vs. TE Josh Mathews match was actually very entertaining. But, any show where Konnan is in the main event is not worth my time. They're looking to strike a deal with Dallas Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban for a sponsership deal. Here is a quote from the report: "In addition to possibly running the promotion as a straight wrestling promotion with Hulk Hogan as the initial draw, Hart had a couple other ideas as well." Kind of a contradiction in terms isn't it? On to my Raw Review. Nathan's Inagural WWE Monday Night Raw Review~! We start the show with clips of Kane's shennanigans, burning JR, throwing RVD through a wall and bloodying Tommy Dreamer and Rico. How motivating. Here comes Eric BITCHoff to kill the crowd! Eric BITCHoff comes down, and spews off the same shit he said last week about Linda McMahon firing Stone Cold from his GM position. Linda McMahon interupts him, and says Kane is under house arrest. However, that doesn't prevent him from wrestling here tonight!!! Umm...if we thought he was going to be under house arrest, why did we announce he had a match versus Van Dam? My Intelligence Has Benn Insulted (Take 1). Stone Cold comes out, and Eric says he should be fired for stunning Jericho and Christian last week, and for causing Kane to burn JR. Linda says Eric put words in her mouth. BAIT AND SWITCH~! My Intelligence Has Been Insulted (Take 2). So, she's not here to fire Stone Cold. She's here to tell Stone Cold that unless he is physically provoked, that he can't touch anyone. So they have beers. She gives both GMs the night off. Too...many...McMahons...head...hurting. COMMERCIAL BREAK ====================================== Well, since Smackdown! has been so good with the reason clutter of McMahon's maybe Raw will show the same success! (Sarcasm). Okay, at least we don't have to put up with fifteen Austin/Bischoff segments tonight. ====================================== Match Numero Uno Trish Stratus and Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly and Victoria w/ Big Stevie Cool OMG! MULLET SIGHTING~! Molly throws Trish into the turnbuckle...roundoff...flip-flop...back elbow. Molly puts Trish in the REAR CHIN LOCK OF ABSOLUTE DECIMATION~! Trish pushes her off, but Molly pulls her into a clothesline. Molly tags Victoria, who hits a nice slingshot somersault leg drop on Trish. TKO attempt, but Trish counters with a head scissor takeover. Victoria tags out, and Molly pulls Trish away from making the tag. Trish with an enzugiri, and tags Gail. Gail off the top...crossbody. Uhh...lack of psychology there not pinning after a cross body? Dropkicks Victoria off the apron. Gail with a spinning hurracannranna on Molly. Gail Kim gos for a rope walk, but slips causing her to HORRIBLY BOTCH IT~! Mollly with a backbreaker on Gail. Molly to the top rope, Kim straddles her, but is attacked by Victoria. Meanwhile Trish hits the Stratusphere on Molly. Kim with another 'rana, but Victoria makes the save. So, we decide to take away from the aspect of women's wrestling, degrading not only Gail Kim, but the entire women's division as Victoria rips off Gail's shirt. Gail spears her. Trish with the MATRIX~! dodging a Molly clothesline, and misses the chick kick, accidently nailing Kim. Victoria pulls Trish to the outside, and Gail covers, One...Two...Three. Winners via Pinfall: Molly Holly and Victoria Coach: JR still contemplating if he is going to press charges against Kane. King: Well, I hear there's lots of people waiting to see if they're going to press charges. Blatant shot at Kobe, even though I don't think he did anything, that was pretty funny. COMMERCIAL BREAK ====================================== Way to make your women's champion look strong guys! (sarcasm, yes again) Molly Holly and Victoria are the best things in this division right now, so if you have to make the champion look bad, at least it was Molly and Victoria who got the rub. But, they should have kept her undefeated untill her title loss to keep her crediblity. 3/4* ====================================== We're back, and here's Austin and Bischoff arguing. Bischoff calls Austin Steve-O, and says the burning was his fault. I could make a joke about the former Jackass cast member and burning people, but I'll refrain from that. Austin: Just like WCW? Bischoff: Yes! Austin: WCW went out of business. Bischoff: It was sold! Austin: Out of business. WWE are in NO position to insult WCW right now because thet're booking is quite similar. Evolution's music hits, their porno video hits the Titan-Tron and it's Orton on the stick and not HHH~! Kudos to whoever is behind Rany Orton's push. Orton talks about beating all three Dudleyz last week, and beating up Foley. We're about to have a match when we get a...COMMERCIAL BREAK ======================================= Well, Orton is being pushed well so far. More on that on the next segment. ======================================= Match Numero Dos Randy Orton w/ Ric Flair vs. Val Venis Background to this is that both have porn videos as their entrance videos. Well...not really, but there's nothing else. Flair grabs Val's ankle, and Orton nails a dropkick. Orton with a high back body drop as HHH who is at commentary, breaks Kayfabe, and says he's beaten everyone here, and no one will be able to stop him becuase of who he is. Val with a sleeper, Orton with a sleeper. Val counters with the BLUE THUNDER BOMB~! for two. Val gets a spinebuster, and goes for the Money Shot but Orton moves and nails the RKO~! One...Two...Three. Winner by Pinfall: Randy Orton HHH comes in and says that he's beaten everyone, this brings out Goldturd. Turd and HHH have a staredown, but Turd totally kills all the heat in the satredown, smiling as he stares at HHH. Evolution leave the ring. COMMERIAL BREAK ======================================== Two short to be much. I've never been a fan of Val, but Orton is starting to grow on me. With Orton's push, I think a suitable way to bring him up is to turn him face. Have HHH keep on putting him over as a future champion. Orton asks, When? HHH: Long after I'm gone. Orton starts growing impatient, and BOOM! RKO on HHH. Have him run a two month long feud with HHH. HHH would come out on top, because Orton's not ready for the title yet. He'd be mega-over, and you could give him the Intercontinental title for a while. Anyway, HHH/Goldturd will suck plain and simple. *1/4 ======================================== Evolution have a plan. Michaels beat Jericho at WM XIX. Jericho walks to the ring. COMMERCIAL BREAK ======================================== Let's try this again... ======================================== Match Numero Tres Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels YES! Here we go! We get about six minutes of solid mat work to open up the match. Jericho starts a striking game with some knife-edge chops. Shawn with a sunset flip, but Jericho drops to his knees for a two count. A lot of rolling around for several two counts. Jericho tosses Michaels to the outside, and hits an outside-in suplex. Jericho tries to throw Michaels over the top, but Michaels skins the cat. Michaels goes for a headscissors, but Jericho pushes him aside. Michaels lands on the apron, and Jericho goes for the double jump dropkick, but Michaels with a low bridge on Jericho! Michaels with the second rope suicida on Jericho! Back into the ring! Crossbody for two! Ric Flair starts walking down, and Michaels runs out, nailing Flair with a hard right. Michaels goes for a 'rana, but Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho! ======================================== Monday Night Raw MOTY thus far. If they put Jericho over cleanly, I'll give them a 1/2* addition to their rating. Why is Flair out here? Flair/Michaels hasn't been spoken of in over a month. ======================================= Jericho has Michaels in a rear chin lock when we come back. Michaels throws Jericho into the turnbuckle. 10 punch combo, cut off at 6 as Jericho drops him down. Michaels hits another right anyway. F*CKING SICK BACK BODY DROP by Jericho over the top rope~! Ric Flair runs over, and chokes Michaels. Ahh...f*ck you. Jericho comes outside, and slams Michaels into the ring post. Jericho with a flying back elbow from the top rope. Michaels ducks a clothesline! Crossbody! The crowd is deathly silent. F*ck LA, they don't appreciate good wrestling when they see it. Jericho comes off the top rope again, but Michaels cuts him off with a dropkick. Michaels with a couple clotheslines, Jericho vaults off the second rope at Michaels, but gets caught, and catapulted into the turnbuckles. School boy...One..Two...NO! Jericho wih a northern lights suplex for 2. Jericho nails the bulldog. Goes for the Lionsault, but Michaels moves so Chris lands on his feet. Jericho with a clothesline, and the lionsault for 2! Michaels charges Jericho, but a foot to the face. Jericho charges...powerslam by Michaels for 2! This rocks! Jericho whips Michaels into the corner, and he flips to the top rope. Jericho goes for a super belly-to-back suplex, but Michaels shoves him off, and nails the PICTURE PERFECT ELBOW~! Michaels goes for sweet chin music, but Jericho ducks, and grazes Mr. Hebner. Jericho with a low blow (DAMN IT!). Jericho grabs a chair, but Michaels hits SWEET CHAIR MUSIC~! Flair has the ref! RKO on the chair! Walls of Jericho. Michaels fights! TAP!!!!! Winner by Submission: Chris Jericho COMMERCIAL BREAK ======================================= This was GREAT. It started out with an RoH style exchange, and evolved into their own unique high spots. GREAT psychology on the part of Jericho, but not by Michaels. Michaels kept coming off the top despite the bad back. So its got a blemish, the rest ROCKED! Jericho should have got the clean win. But, he's a heel, so that can't happen right? ***1/2 Raw MOTY. ======================================= Lance Storm comes down for a promo, and of course gets no love from the crowd. Damn them. We cut away to see Kane entering in shackles...okay. COMMERICAL BREAK ======================================= Damn your commercial breaks WWE. ======================================= WWE Intercontinental Championship Booker T vs. Test Why don't the fans chant boring during this? No PBP becuase it's boring the hell outta me. Stacy and Steiner come down, and Stacy gives him a lap dance distracting Test allowing Booker to hit the Bookend for three. Winner by Pinfall: Booker T ===================================== Well..that's a Test match for ya! 1/2* Booker continues to look like he needs his opponents to be distracted to gain a victory making him look weaker. ===================================== A S.H.I.T. Y segment where Hurricane says Rosie is a Super Hero In Training. Goldust calls him a S.H.I.T. That's sorta funny, but I'm watching a wrestling show, I don't want it to be funny. Kane comes out. Kane vs..... ===================================== Welcome to WCW Monday Nitro. ====================================== Kane vs. Rob Van Dam RVD knocks Kane to the outside and hits him with a plancha. RVD goes back to his ECW days, and hits the quebradda off the guard rail! Brawling up the ramp. Kane trys to throw him off the stage, but officails come out to stop him. Spinning back kick takes Kane down. Kane sits up, and goes after Linda McMahon. He ends up Tombstoning her. No Contest ====================================== Tombstoning Linda = Not a good way to get over as a heel. No one gives a damn about her. 1/4* for Van Dam's kick ass quebradda. I was waiting for Austin to taunt Linda, and say he's not gonna stop Kane becuase he didn't physically provoke him. So, it back fires on her. Well, I'm torn here. They're doing good at pushing Kane, but they're taking away from the wrestling to do it. ====================================== Overall, I'd have to say it was a pretty good show. They gave more than enough time to Michaels/Jericho and are still pushing Randy Orton which is good. Orton is a future champion. However, you're tag team champions aren't on the show. Your World Champion doesn't wrestle on the show, and your other two champions are made to look like fools, and that's not good. This was an above average raw, which surprised me. See yall for Smackdown! (hopefully). 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