Funniest Thing I've Read This Week

[Guest Crucifixio Jones]

A potentially cool extra that’s being rumoured at the moment is that the girls will have some sort of pyjama party where they’ll watch the movie and do a commentary track together. Well, if that pyjama party breaks down into an all-lesbian frenzy, then sure, they’d sell millions of copies. - Jay Spree on the upcoming Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle DVD

 

If they don't do the little window off to the side where you can see the girls doing the commentary then it's pointless. It's also a MUST if, in fact, they decide to just suddenly & spontaneously dyke it out VIVID VIDEO-style~!

 

TSM Movie experts agree...

 

The Basketball Diaries and Gravesend on the same day? Weird.

 

Everyone should pick up [/b]Versus[/b].

 

To be honest, the one movie EVERYONE should buy is Versus. How can I explain… well, it’s pretty much a Japanese Evil Dead with some of the very, very best Hong Kong-style action sequences. How does that sound? The disc is out in about three flavours: single-disc theatrical, two-disc Director’s Cut, and two-disc Special Edition. It’s the Special Edition you want, so go get that bad boy.

 

The Basketball Diaries is a great flick with early, Hey I Can Still Act Leonardo DiCaprio. Did it ever occur to anyone else that Leo and Natalie Portman’s career trajectories are pretty much the same? Both debuted with real powerhouse performances as child actors (Gilbert Grape and Leon respectively), then went on to do progressively shittier performances before totally selling out and “going Hollywood”? Just a thought. - Spree, Jul 30

[Guest Ripper]

I don't know about the Portman part. From everything I have read about her, she passionately hates Hollywood which is why she barely takes parts.

 

And Leo turned in two good performances last year. He deserves some props for that.

 

 

And a all out lesbian 4 way(Demi has to show up too) is the only thing that will make me buy that Charlies Angels DVD.

[Guest DVD Spree]

Yes! The Jones and The Spree have been on the same page a lot lately. Versus just plane RULES.

 

You're right about the video window thing - I need to at least see those chicks on their little jimmy jams all snuggling up together (I wish...). If they've got any sense whatsoever, they'll at least do that. Which means, they won't. In a perfect world, they'll all be wearing see-through chamises with hard-ass nipples, and then the porn theme will kick in.

 

"Demi looks hot."

"Mmm, it's getting a little hot in here!"

"Well why don't you take off your cami, Angel?"

"Okay!"

 

Well, maybe I've been thinking about it too much. But hey, celebs should understand one thing: something that would sell better than ANY actress headlining ANY movie would be a hot actress doing hardcore porn. Fuck, Sandra Bulock's career is dead in the water - if she did even a softcore flick, MILLIONS of webgeeks like us would buy it. Vince McMahon's not an idiot - WWE Diva porn, my friend.

 

 

I don't know about the Portman part. From everything I have read about her, she passionately hates Hollywood which is why she barely takes parts.

 

And Leo turned in two good performances last year. He deserves some props for that.

True dat. I just kinda meant in general terms - sure, Natalie's done a couple of good flicks, and she adamantly hates Hollywood. What was that thing she said when she was getting criticised for going to Harvard at the expense of her film career - "I'd rather be smart than a stupid actor."

 

In general terms though, when those two kids had their first roles, everyone was like "HOLY SHIT, these kids are gonna be the best actors in the world." Well not quite, but y'know. Then Star Wars and The Beach roll around and it's like "They ain't shit, they can't even act. WHat sell-outs." I'm not saying the sentiments are true, just that the same sentiments seem to be applied to both of them. Besides, I want to violate Natalie Portman.

[Guest Crucifixio Jones]

Maybe Leo and Nat can remake The Deer Hunter, with DiCaprio in DeNiro's role and Portman in Streep's role. I've seen worse.

 

I can't say I agree with legit actresses going the softcore route to revive their careers or to sell more movies/tickets. There are plenty of other shocking and scandalous publicity stunts to pull before you have be on Friday Night After Dark on Cinemax. Although, right now posing for Playboy seems to be one of them. So yes, nudity or sex-ing up your public image is always a viable option.

 

As far as the Angel's and their commentary...if they're not wearing something like this:

 

 

I'm not interested.

Edited July 31, 2003 by Crucifixio Jones

[Guest DVD Spree]

Now THAT'S the shit I'm talking about (right clicks mouse).

 

And on the celb nude thing, I agree that it's bad on a moralistic level, and in fairness it would actually only further damage a movie career, but to little old me... shit, I can't see any reason to go see a Bullock picture, but if she put out a nekkid DVD, that's money in the bank.

 

ANd I still maintain that instead of assing about with "DIvas on a beach" "Divas in lingerie", Vince should just talk the girls into a softcore movie. I've never bothered watching Divas Undressed or any of those DVDs, but if there was a "Divas Sleepover: Touch Me There", Vince could make a MINT on DVD and PPV.

 

I know, I'm a sad, sad man...

[Guest Ripper]

Now THAT'S the shit I'm talking about (right clicks mouse).

 

And on the celb nude thing, I agree that it's bad on a moralistic level, and in fairness it would actually only further damage a movie career, but to little old me... shit, I can't see any reason to go see a Bullock picture, but if she put out a nekkid DVD, that's money in the bank.

 

ANd I still maintain that instead of assing about with "DIvas on a beach" "Divas in lingerie", Vince should just talk the girls into a softcore movie. I've never bothered watching Divas Undressed or any of those DVDs, but if there was a "Divas Sleepover: Touch Me There", Vince could make a MINT on DVD and PPV.

 

I know, I'm a sad, sad man...

Or a good good business man. That DVD would sell through the roof and we all know it.

 

And hey...Sandra Bullocks career isn't completely dead. Not "I should do softcore porn detective movies where the guy that I am sleeping with is ALWAYS the killer" movies.