SummerSlam Predictions + Discussion

[Kahran Ramsus 0]

Elimination Chamber **

 

A complete clusterfuck. The last one was terrible, and this one has Nash & Goldberg. They will disguise it well enough to be around two stars, but like with the Royal Rumble, that is pretty much a DUD in comparison to normal matches.

 

WINNER: Randy Orton. WWE looks for reasons NOT to give someone a win, as opposed to why they should give somebody a win. Orton has the fewest strikes against him, but don't count out HHH.

 

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar ****1/2

Should be better than the Wrestlemania match since both are healthy this time. MOTN unless something goes horribly wrong, or the guys in the US match perform a miracle. Benoit's one away from sainthood as it is. Vince will do something, but it shouldn't detract from the match too much.

WINNER: Kurt Angle. He won't win outright, but he will retain. WWE seems to plan on Angle/Brock for Mania (although don't count out Guerrero) so they won't give away a clear outcome here.

 

US Title Four-Way ****

The only other match on the card with some promise. Three of the guys are golden, and Rhyno shouldn't be in the match enough to drag it down.

WINNER: Eddy Guerrero. There is no doubt that Eddy retains.

 

Dudleys vs. Frenchies *1/2

The Dudleys have enough experience that it shouldn't be worse than this, but they aren't good enough to get much more.

WINNER: Dudleys. It is time to pull the plug on the Frenchies. Bring on Goldust/Storm.

 

Kane vs. RVD *1/2

When Kane is the best worker in the match, you've got a problem. Also, since the result is a foregone conclusion I have little interest in this match.

WINNER: Kane. If Kane jobs for any reason, I've officially given up on RAW and it is back to MNF for the next 4 months.

 

A-Train vs. Undertaker **1/2

Yes, this match will be better than the Kane match. A-Train is decent, and Taker has been putting in a lot of effort recently. Kane/Albert was good, and although this won't be booked as well, Taker is an upgrade over Kane and there is no reason to think that they can't approach **1/2-***.

WINNER: Undertaker. When in doubt, pick Taker. A similar situation to last month with Cena.

 

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon DUD

Two non-wrestlers, and will probably be about 4-5 minutes. We might even get a run-in from Kane. Worst match of the show.

WINNER: Shane McMahon. Shane's getting killed next month, so he likely wins here. Unless Kane runs in, which is certainly a possibility.

 

Matt Hardy vs. Zach Gowan No Rating

Matt will do something here to get on the PPV. Either Zach comes out and gets clobbered in 5 seconds because of the injury, or Matt wins by forfeit. Either way, there is no real match.

WINNER: Matt Hardy

[Lord of The Curry 0]

I don't normally do this shit but I'm bored so what the fuck.......

 

Elimination Chamber

 

**. Unless the match begins and ends with Goldberg squashing the fuck out of everybody and pinning HHH to win the title, the match is worthless. This is the kind of environment that is suitable to Goldie, as it plays to his strengths. Keep him in there for short periods of time and have Jericho, Michaels and Orton bump like freaks for him. On the other hand, I can't see him going over Nash, HBK and HHH in the same match.

 

My pick: Goldberg, via Jackhammer over Jericho.

 

Lesnar vs Angle

 

***3/4. Their Mania match was nowhere near at the level it could have (and should have) been and the involvement of Vince just shoots this all to hell. They booked themself into a corner with this match and there is no possible way that either Brock or Angle can come out of this looking better then when they entered. If Angle jobs the title after a month, he's fucked. If Brock gets jobbed out to Angle two PPV's in a row, he's fucked. I'm waiting for Vince to announce that he's making it a 3 way with him being the third man and pins both Brock and Angle to win.

 

My pick: Brock w/ help from Satan.

 

Kane vs RVD.

 

***. RVD gets his licks in and pulls off some cool stuff. Kane looks angry. Good crowd heat.

 

My pick: Kane, who goes on to feud w/ Goldberg.

 

Undertaker vs A-Train

 

**3/4. Better then you'd think. Taker obviously digs A-Train and wants to make him big but unfortunately for A-Train he put in his requisite job a few weeks ago against Cena so expect The Dead Man to go over in this one.

 

My pick: Taker.

 

Benoit vs Tajiri vs Eddy vs Rhyno

 

****. This one is either going to be a kick-ass match or a total clusterfuck. Each guy has his own unique steelo to bring to the match. Eddy has the rudo steez, Tajiri brings the kicks, Rhyno brings the angry and Benoit brings the really really angry intensity/godliness.

 

My pick: Eddy, who goes on to feud with a soon-to-turn-face John Cena. Benoit (hopefully) will move onto the Lesnar feud.

 

Shane vs E-Z E.

 

**. Whateverthefuckever. Austin gets involved and Shane dies for our pleasure.

 

My pick: Shane w/ some help from Austin.

 

Dudleyz vs La Res.

 

**. Vanilla match with good crowd heat because of the anti-Frog dealy. La Res picks up the win after that soldier fella interferes. Expect a 6 Man tag at Unforgiven w/ Spike and soldier fella.

 

Matt Hardy vs Zack Gowen.

 

**1/2. Matt tries his hardest to make Randy Capable look like an actual wrestler but can't quite make it.

 

My pick: Matt, via C2W.

[Guest Real F'n Show]

HHH vs. HBK vs. Y2J vs. Orton vs. Nash vs. Goldberg in an Elimination Chamber for the World Title

winner: HHH

predicted star rating: ***1/2

 

Brock vs. Angle for the WWE Title

winner: Angle

predicted star rating: ***3/4

 

Eddy vs. Benoit vs. Rhyno vs. Tajiri for U.S. Title

winner: Eddy

predicted star rating: ****1/4 if it's long enough

 

Dudleys vs. La Resistance for tag titles

winners: La Resistance

predicted star rating: *1/4

 

Undertaker vs. Albert

winner: Undertaker

predicted star rating: *

 

Shane vs. Eric

winner: Shane

predicted star rating: **

 

RVD vs. Kane

winner: Kane

predicted star rating: ***