Joe vs. Nick...

[Guest Joe]

Joe vs. Nick: The First Non-McMahon Related Family War in WWE History

 

Here’s the deal, after suffering through Summerslam, my brother and I realized we could easily book WWE better then the current creative team is. Note the fact that my brother’s eleven years old, so at the least he couldn’t do worse then the trained monkeys actually working under Stephanie McMahon at the moment. Anyway, in our latest version of creative sibling rivalry, we decided to try our hand at booking WWE on EWR and seeing who gets the better ratings. Nick, the eleven year old, will be taking Raw. Joe, that would be me, and I’m twenty years old in case you’re wondering, will be taking Smackdown. We will follow the split PPV schedule that WWE currently has set up, including doing the four co-PPVs.

 

Get ready...it’s time for WWE to be torn in two...It’s a civil war, and we are brothers leading the opposite sides...

[Guest Joe]

Nick’s Raw – September 1, 2003

 

Raw starts off with La Resistance defending their tag team titles against the Dudley Boys. The match ends with Renee Dupree getting the pin on D-Von with his foot on the ropes, which the referee doesn’t notice. After the match, they all get into a four-man brawl that goes to the back. (Overall: 68; Crowd: 71; Match: 64)

 

Booker T comes down to the ring. “Where’s that Triple H Sucka? I want to face him right here!” Booker T waits a minute and starts getting impatient. “What’s taking you so long to get yo ass down here?” Triple H still doesn’t come out. Booker T loses his patience. “Damn Skippy, if you don’t come, I’ll come to you!” Booker T leaves the ring to go backstage. (Overall: 80)

 

Rob Van Dam takes on Goldust in a Hardcore rules match. Somehow the match ends up backstage. RVD gets on top of a storage box and does a five-star frog splash onto Goldust on the concrete floor. RVD gets the win. From nowhere, The Rock comes out with a steel chair and hits RVD from behind in the head. He hits Rob Van Dam in the back twice, throws the chair down on the ground, and leaves. (Overall: 73; Crowd: 75; Match: 69)

 

Booker T is backstage still searching for Triple H. Suddenly he gets attacked from behind by Triple H, Ric Flair, and Randy Orton. Evolution continues to beat down Booker T. After busting him open, Evolution leaves, happy at what they’ve done. (Overall: 78)

 

CM Punk takes on Raven in both men’s Raw debut. The match ends when the referee is knocked out. Raven hits a low blow from behind on CM Punk and then an Even Flow DDT. Raven covers CM Punk and the referee comes to, crawls over, and counts the pin. After the match, Raven celebrates by raising his arms in the air and landing a few cheap shots to CM Punk while he’s still on the mat. (Overall: 68; Crowd: 67; Match: 70)

 

Chris Jericho stands backstage. “There have been a lot of people in this company that I don’t like and Scott Steiner is one of them. What the hell is a Big Poppa Pump anyway? Is it that thing he brings with him when he plays basketball? A Big Poppa Pump? Oh wait, he’s too dumb to play basketball. Scott Steiner, I hope you don’t bump into me, because you’ll get a beating.” (Overall: 96)

 

Victoria comes into the ring and talks about Trish Stratus. Trish comes out and starts a catfight with Victoria. The women end up on the arena floor, which makes Jerry Lawler go wild. (Overall: 75)

 

Booker T may be busted up, but don’t expect him not to fight! It’s Booker T and a mystery partner against Randy Orton and Ric Flair of Evolution!

 

After Randy Orton and Ric Flair come out, Booker T comes out. When he’s in the ring, the lights go off and familiar music hits. Ric Flair and Randy Orton look shocked. It’s Goldberg!

 

The match ends when Goldberg’s just about to do a Jackhammer and Triple H comes running down the aisle with a sledgehammer. Randy Orton distracts the referee as Triple H comes in and hits Goldberg with the sledgehammer. Ric Flair gets the three count over Goldberg. After the match, Evolution uses the sledgehammer to take turns beating Goldberg down. Booker T tries to save Goldberg but gets caught in the attack also. Evolution beats Booker T down. Triple H, Ric Flair, and Randy Orton stand in the ring celebrating what they’ve done to Booker T and Goldberg. (Overall: 63; Crowd: 71; Match: 45)

 

(Overall show rating: 73)

 

Raw scored a 5.92 Nielsen Rating.

[Guest Joe]

Joe’s Smackdown – September 4, 2003

 

Smackdown starts with WWE Tag Team Champions Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin defending their belts against Billy Kidman and Rey Mysterio. The match ends when Kidman has Haas resting on the middle rope for Mysterio to hit the 619. Rey goes for the move but Charlie moves, leaving Mysterio to hit Kidman in the gut. Shelton Benjamin grabs Kidman from behind and hits a German suplex, bridging over for the pin and victory. Benjamin and Haas quickly leave the ring with their title belts. Mysterio helps Kidman up to his feet. Rey offers Billy a handshake but Kidman seems annoyed with his partner. After a few moments, he accepts the handshake. Mysterio turns to leave the ring when Kidman attacks him from behind. Kidman lifts Mysterio up and drops him with a brain buster. He stands over his now former partner and spits on him before leaving the ring. (Overall: 82; Crowd: 76; Match: 88)

 

Chris Kanyon stands in the ring, which is set up with two red beanbag chairs and a lime green rug. Kanyon welcomes us to the first episode of “Kanyon’s Korner”. As Chris explains, “Smackdown general manager Stephanie McMahon was looking for somebody to host a new segment here on the show. Well who better then Kanyon?” Chris says that for his first episode, he has invited the best guest possible. He is Smackdown’s number one guy. The WWE World Champion, Kurt Angle! Kurt makes his way down to the ring. Kanyon thanks Angle for coming on Kanyon’s Korner. “Now Kurt, we all know what the question for the ages is, but tonight I have a different question for you. After beating Brock Lesnar, who’s next for you to defend the world title against?” Angle smiles at Kanyon. “Who’s next? I think you’ve got the wrong bald headed guy Chris. The truth is, I will defend my title against anybody who wants a shot. It could be Chris Benoit, the Undertaker, hell Kanyon, it could even be you!” Kanyon seems pleased with this thought. Suddenly “Viva La Rasa!” blasts over the speakers. US Champion Eddie Guerrero makes his way down to the ring. Guerrero enters the ring and stands across from Angle. “Kurt Angle, you talk about defending the world title against anybody who wants a shot. Well there’s one name you didn’t mention essa. Me! Latino Heat! And I do want a shot at the title. Because I figure as the US champion already, the next logical step is the world. So what do you say Mr. American Hero, can I have a title shot?” Angle stares at Guerrero with a perplexed look on his face. “You think YOU deserve a title shot? Give me a break!” Guerrero takes exception to this. “Oh I’ll give you a break essa. I’ll break your neck!” Guerrero goes to hit Angle with a clothesline. Angle ducks under, lifts Guerrero up, and hits an Angle Slam. Angle leaves the ring as Guerrero recovers on the mat. (Overall: 77)

 

Matt Hardy takes on Chris Benoit in the first of two matches in a mini-tournament to crown the number one contender for the US Title. The match ends with Benoit taking Hardy into the crippler crossface and forcing him to tap out. After the match, Benoit celebrates his win. Suddenly Smackdown’s newest superstar, AJ Styles, slides almost unnoticed into the ring. Styles waits for Benoit to turn around. When Benoit does, AJ hits him with a boot to the gut, followed by a Styles Clash. Styles leaves the ring, smugly smiling at what he did to Benoit. (Overall: 77; Crowd: 81; Match: 71)

 

The Undertaker stands in the ring waiting for A-Train to come out for their match. But instead Rhyno comes charging down to the ring. Rhyno slides in and hits a gore on the Undertaker. As Undertaker recovers, Rhyno grabs a steel chair. He goes back into the ring and beats the Undertaker down some. Rhyno starts to leave the ring but notices Undertaker trying to get up. Rhyno waits a moment until Undertaker gets to his feet. Rhyno runs and gores Undertaker a second time. He leaves the ring as the Undertaker rolls around on the mat, clearly in pain. (Overall: 80)

 

John Cena is backstage, wearing an old “Edge and Christian” t-shirt. He raps some about Edge and how he used to reek of awesomeness, but now he’s just a little biyatch. (Overall: 88)

 

In the second US Title Number One Contender’s Tournament match, Edge takes on Sean O’Haire. John Cena comes down to the ring during the match. When the referee isn’t looking, Cena jumps up on the side of the ring and nails Edge with a steel chain. O’Haire covers Edge and gets the win. (Overall: 79; Crowd: 82; Match: 75)

 

AJ Styles walks backstage. Josh Matthews runs over to AJ and asks him why he attacked Benoit earlier tonight. Before AJ can answer, Paul Heyman steps in front of him and informs Josh to direct all questions to AJ’s new manager, who of course is Heyman. AJ confidently smiles as he and Heyman walk away. (Overall: 86)

 

Brock Lesnar goes one on one with Eddie Guerrero in the main event. The match ends when Guerrero grabs a steel chair and his US title belt, throwing the chair into the ring for the referee to instantly remove. As the referee is occupied doing that, Guerrero nails Lesnar with the title belt. He quickly gets rid of the evidence and covers Brock for the victory. (Overall: 83; Crowd: 86; Match: 77)

 

Guerrero leaves the ring as Michael Cole and Tazz say we could be looking at Kurt Angel’s toughest challenger yet!

 

(Overall show rating: 78)

 

Smackdown scored a 4.81 Nielson Rating.